Another World
by Blahsadfeguie
Summary: One young man suddenly finds himself in an oddly familiar world populated with equally familiar inhabitants that don't seem to have anything in common... or do they? Why won't the coincidences stop? And why is everything trying to kill him?
1. Terrariblah

**Author's note: This is a story I started a while ago as a sort of experimental piece, one which I can freely write in the hopes of increasing my skill. I'll admit right now that the main character is a pretty blatant and shameless self-insert; this is for many reasons, but mostly for simplicity's sake on my part. The fewer variables you have to juggle in an experiment, the better.**

**I should also give fair warning that things might get a little complicated. I've taken many liberties with the plot of this thing. For instance, there are a lot more crossovers involved than the two this story is filed under. None of which I own, of course. That counts as my legal disclaimer, too! (Though there are elements of my own design here and there.)**

**Finally, if you notice a sharp decline in quality a few chapters in, that's probably because I'm currently reworking a lot of the earlier chapters a bit so that they are consistent with the more recent ones. Don't worry, the plot will remain the same, I'm just rewording and elaborating on things. This project has been going on for upwards of 2 years now, after all, and I believe I have improved quite a bit since it first began.**

**So, if you feel like helping me out, don't be afraid to drop me a review at any time and tell me how well (or how poorly) I'm doing. Please be as constructive as possible! I accept and welcome criticism, but posting something like "this story sucks you should go kill yourself" doesn't help anybody. If you don't like it, I would appreciate knowing why you don't like it so that I may consider your opinion and work towards becoming a better writer. Or if you do like it, you could inform me what you like best about it and where I can improve. I'm not the type to beg for feedback, so I promise I won't bother you all by bringing up the subject in future chapters very often, if at all. I'm just getting this out of the way now as a formality.**

**Alrighty, sorry about the long intro - let's get to the actual story!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 1: Terrariblah<p>

The morning sun rose sleepily over the vast, lush fields, its resident grove of trees greeting the giver of heat and life with a gentle sway of their branches. The hills were fresh and alive, grass rolling under the shadows of carefree birds, a natural canvas for some future visitor to admire, or perhaps leave their mark.

"Yes, this is all very pretty, but... it's not my house."

The young man spoke aloud to nobody in particular, perhaps hoping that someone would hear him and kindly inform him where he is, as well as where one might find breakfast around wherever that was.

He crossed his arms, letting his loose locks of brown hair blow in the breeze as he scanned the horizon for any familiar landmarks. He certainly would have remembered going to sleep in a field like this with little more than the clothes on his back. He was at least grateful that he still had his glasses.

"How the heck did I get here?" he asked himself once again, his arms ascending into a bemused shrug. He knew his memory wasn't perfect, but this was possibly the worst time for it to fail.

In the midst of deciding what to do from there, he heard a curious noise from behind him - a plopping noise, like a wet towel dropping to the ground. He turned around and rested his eyes on a quivering gelatinous mass of green goo.

All he could do was stare at it for a while, wondering where it came from. This kind of indiscernible material doesn't just fall from the sky, does it? He looked upward, searching for anything that could have dropped it.

The noise sounded again, drawing his gaze back to the mass of slime, which had somehow moved closer to his position.

The man backed away cautiously, keeping his unblinking eyes trained on the goop. Sure enough, right before him, the slime threw its weight upward, sending it airborne and landing itself near his feet.

"Get away from me!" shouted the man, backing away further. He took a moment to register what he was seeing - some kind of green sentient pudding hopping at him with unknown intentions, but he could only assume it was trying to inflict harm. He didn't want to risk finding out.

The only sensible thing at that point was to turn around and run, but an unseen obstacle stood in the way of his foot, sending him to the ground. His heart racing, he rolled onto his back, witnessing the slime perform another determined leap to catch up to him.

He sat up, and was immediately met with the glare of a metallic object gleaming in the sun. The thing he had tripped over was a good-sized leather backpack, and he had kicked it over, spilling one of the contents: one copper pickaxe.

_'This is too convenient,' _the man thought as he snatched the pickaxe in both hands. He waited for the slime to hop within range, and with all of his desperate might, he brought the pickaxe down. The pick pierced the goo, disturbing its consistency and causing some of it to fly off in separate droplets. The ooze quivered violently, damaged but apparently still alive.

As he lifted the pickaxe to swing again, he noticed that the blade had lodged itself in the target. Lifting the pick brought the slime with it.

"...Alrighty then," he gave in and swung the pickaxe at the ground anyway, sticking the pickaxe further into the helpless gelatin. He repeated the process several times, gradually driving in the tool until it pierced all the way through the mass. The result was instant. The slime exploded, losing most of its viscosity, and the gel settled into a green pool on the ground in front of him.

Exhausted, the man wiped the combination of sweat and slime off of his forehead and sat down, leaning back on his arms and catching his breath. His gaze drifted to the puddle of sludge. "So now I'm in a world full of slimes, apparently," he observed. "No signs of civilization anywhere, no idea as to how I got here, and no clue what I-"

The sound of his stomach rumbling interrupted his monologue. "...should have for breakfast." He glanced at the puddle again. The thought of ingesting the slime crossed his mind. "No way," he denied. "I would have to be really desperate to try something like-"

His stomach growled at him, as if informing him that he is, in fact, desperate. He pondered the thought for a moment. "On the other hand, no sense letting this stuff go to waste, I guess." Cupping some of the thick substance with his hands before he could tell himself otherwise again, he brought it to his mouth and took a sip. To his relief, and astonishment, it was not acidic or toxic in any way - in fact, it was actually rather sweet, like candy. The taste of it convinced him to take another drink, and before long, he had his fill.

"Whew..." He sighed, laying back on the grass and staring at the clouds. "That actually wasn't the worst breakfast I ever had."

"Really? I'd hate to see what you had that could possibly be worse."

The new voice startled the gel guzzler, springing him to his feet in seconds. Another male around his age had arrived at some point during his unconventional meal, glaring at him with sharp eyes and a playful smirk. "You seem to be new here," the red-headed man spoke in an annoyingly condescending tone. "What's your name, traveler?"

The traveler brushed himself off. He knew beggars couldn't be choosers, but he had hoped to find someone a little more amicable. "My name is..." he began, pausing as nothing came to mind. Forgetting how he got there was one thing, but how could one forget one's own name? He closed his eyes momentarily, attempting to disguise his recollection as a blink. A string of syllables came to mind, which he dictated without hesitation, for fear that he might come off as totally scatterbrained. "Blahsadfeguie."

The other man chuckled. "'Blahsadfeguie'?" he repeated in mocking disbelief. "That's a real mouthful... more so than that slime you just ate!" The two shared a laugh, one of them far less enthusiastic than the other. "Can I just call you Blah for short?"

The person now going by Blahsadfeguie nodded nonchalantly. "That's what most people call me," he lied, although by this point he was willing to go with it. Any name was better than none, even if it barely made sense, though he hoped that he might remember his original name before long. _'I might even have trouble remembering THIS name,' _he worried internally. "And who are you, to be walking around in the middle of nowhere poking fun at people who dare to try anything new?"

"The name's Cody," replied the other man. "I'm just a guide, sent here to make sure newcomers know what they're doing. And believe me, what you just tried is not really new. Still gets me every time, though."

"Alrighty then, Cody," Blah spitefully addressed, "Where exactly is 'here', anyway?"

"Why, this is none other than the world of Terraria, of course!" Cody answered, his arms widely presenting the world behind him.

"Terraria." Blah scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Terraria... I feel like I've heard that name before."

"I would hope so," Cody remarked. "This isn't your first visit, after all. And since this isn't your first visit, you should know by now that your first goal will be to build a shelter. You do not want to be caught out in the open at night, not with your current equipment."

Blah picked up the backpack and looked inside of it for the first time. In addition to the pickaxe, the pack contained a woodcutting axe and a small blade resembling a dagger, both made of the same metal as the pickaxe. Copper. He glanced at the cluster of trees in front of him, which practically begged to be cut down and converted into housing.

"Just to be clear," Blah spoke, mostly to stall himself from performing the inevitable menial labor, "I'm in an entirely new world now?"

"That's right," Cody confirmed.

"No chance of returning to my house anytime soon?"

"You can't exactly return to a house that isn't built!"

"Ha ha," Blah laughed sarcastically, pulling out the axe and reluctantly making his way over to the nearest tree.

_'So here I am,' _assessed Blah, gripping his copper axe in both hands. _'Standing in front of a tree, getting ready to chop it down and build a house out of it... in a world called Terraria...'_

The fragments of knowledge converged into a single synapse in Blah's brain. A memory surfaced, one of him in the exact same situation, but with one major difference: it was a computer game, a sandbox adventure. One in which he had spent countless hours mining, building, fighting. Blah had somehow been physically transported to the world in that game.

Which meant he was back in his comfort zone.

Blah took a deep breath and drew his arms back. The axe swung once, twice, three times. Sure, this sudden recovery of memory left much to be desired, but it was a solid start. Four, five, six. At the very least, he could use his experience to survive long enough to figure out everything else he needed to know. Seven, eight, nine. It might even be an enjoyable experience. Ten, eleven, twelve. It'd be even more enjoyable if the trees were any easier to chop down.

Finally, after the fifteenth taxing swing, the trunk cracked and gravity claimed the tree. The wooden structure collapsed, breaking into many bite-sized logs upon hitting the ground, all of which Blah was miraculously able to cram into his backpack. "I'm glad this universe still has the game's physics..." Blah panted, leaning on his knees. He stood up, staring at the rest of the grove and its massive reserve of wood. "One down, ten million to go..."

* * *

><p>Several hours of work later, Blah found himself sitting on a stump, evaluating the fruit of all his grueling labor - a shoddy wooden box, barely taller than him and roughly a dozen feet wide. A few small windows lined the walls, and a misshapen door sat in the misshapen doorway. Hanging next to the door was a dimly-lit torch, which Blah had fashioned from a stick and a glob of the surprisingly flammable gel.<p>

"Yep," sighed Blah, "That is just about the worst house I have ever seen. But as long as it keeps the zombies out, I'll take it."

The exhausted builder sprawled across the stump, inhaling a sizable breath of air as he watched the sun set upside down. Cody leaned against the wall of the shack, sharing the view, albeit right side up.

"Welp, guess I better head inside before the horde rears its ugly brainless head."

Blah rolled onto his feet, stretching his arms. He opened the door and prepared another torch for the interior lighting. Cody did not budge.

"Well?" the bespectacled man asked impatiently. "Aren't you coming in with me?"

"Nah." Cody crossed his arms rebelliously, wearing his perpetual unconcerned smirk. "There's nowhere to sit."

Blah frowned. A normal person, who was visiting Terraria for the first time, might query the guide's sanity for preferring being mauled by zombies to sitting on the floor of a closed-up wooden box. But Blah knew better. NPCs were just idiots.

Taking a few spare logs from his pack, he fashioned them into a clumsy yet solid workbench, which he placed against the wall between two windows. Setting his torch on the wall above, he went to work converting a few more logs into the shape of a chair, which he unhappily placed down facing the opposite corner.

"There," grunted Blah as Cody walked nonchalantly into the building, "Is Your Royal Highness satisfied now?"

"No," stated the guide as he took his seat, his legs straddling the back of the chair. "But it'll do."

Blah sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "Whatever, progress is progress," he surrendered. "But the least you could do is close the door behind you."

* * *

><p>The sun had disappeared, making way for darkness to consume the fields. Drawn out of the ground by the moon, shining full and bright in the clear sky, legions of undead shambled about in search of living flesh.<p>

Far from the safety of the shack, a lone, winged figure flew high above them, terrified of the walking dead that watched them hungrily from below.

"I should have gone back when the sun was setting..." the flier lamented. "But no, I just _had_ to keep flying... and now these... _things _won't let me land to rest... I can't keep going like this all night..."

While the figure's gaze was fixated on the ground below, seeking some form of shelter, a smaller figure joined them in the sky, hidden from view.

"On top of that, I have no idea where I am... I don't even remember the way back. I could try landing in a tree or- GAH!"

Pain surged through the lost soul's side, causing them to lose their balance and descend. Looking left, they could barely make out a floating, bloodshot eyeball. The sight of the disembodied ocular organ induced a shriek from the already panicking pilot as they rapidly plummeted, their injured wing unable to stabilize their flight.

With a loud thud, the figure crashed into the ground. Zombies eagerly approached from all sides. A second eyeball joined the first, and both of them were swooping down to finish off their pray.

Desperate, the grounded victim scrambled to their feet, legging it in the opposite direction. The night was only just beginning...


	2. Server Found

Chapter 2: Server Found

Blah rolled over, rustling the pile of leaves that constituted his makeshift bed for what had to be the hundredth time that night. He was afraid this might happen. Even after spending most of his energy on chopping down trees, he could not find the ability to sleep. Perhaps it was the primitive bedding, or the occasional distant zombie snarl from outside. Not even keeping the house fully lit with torches and barricading the door with the rest of his wood was enough to put his mind at ease.

He opened his eyes for a brief moment, but flinched as he saw Cody looming over him. "Hey..." muttered the restless Blah. "I built that chair for a reason, you know. Stop watching me sleep."

"Oh, you're awake," Cody observed, casually pulling up the aforementioned chair and seating himself next to the leaf bedding.

"You don't say," Blah grumbled, turning to face the wall.

"You know, you're quite lucky to have a shelter up this early," the guide commented. "It'd be a shame if someone got caught out in the open in the middle of the night."

"I guess it would, yeah, so?" growled Blah, unmoving.

"They probably wouldn't last long. The zombies and demon eyes would make mincemeat out of them."

"Yeah, well, I'm glad that's not me. Now leave me alone." Blah contracted his legs into a ball in an attempt to become more soundproof.

"I bet they're not glad that it's them," replied Cody, oblivious to Blah's body language, and smug as ever.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" burst out Blah, sitting up and glaring daggers at his guide. "Give it to me straight, cause I'm not in the mood for puzzles."

Cody glanced idly over at a nearby window. "Let's just say that you don't need a password or an IP to join this server."

Blah sighed heavily, realizing that he couldn't get that guy to yield just by playing dumb. "Ok, fine, I can take a hint." He stood, stretching his arms and summoning what little energy he recovered so far. "Where's the unlucky sap?"

"Just on the other side of that hill," Cody explained, pointing to a wide slope visible from the eastern window.

"Now was that so hard?" Blah brushed aside the wood from the door, picking a particularly long log to carry with him.

"You're not going to craft a wooden sword?" asked Cody.

"No time," protested Blah as he opened the door, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "This thing's heavy and solid, it'll do the trick. I never liked swords anyway. Too cliche."

He closed the door behind him, the creak echoing through the night and announcing his presence like a dinner bell. Two zombies stumbled towards his position, emitting hungry wails.

_'This is it,' _thought Blah with a nervous gulp. _'Real zombies, standing between me and an innocent life.' _He gripped his bludgeon tightly. _'I'm going to have to get used to this eventually, and what better incentive for it...'_

With a shout, he charged at the nearest zombie, swinging straight at its head. The force caused it to fall over, though it was far from enough to kill it. The other zombie picked up the pace, and Blah readied his club over his head, swinging downward with the compliment of gravity. The walking corpse suffered some serious trauma from the blow, paralyzing it, but Blah doubted the effect was more than temporary.

The first zombie already picked itself up and lunged at him again, managing to scratch him on the shoulder. Wincing, he ignored the pain as best as he could and clubbed his assailant square in the chest, staggering it and giving him the opportunity to aim at the head again. A loud crack indicated that the skull had been fractured, and its body hit the ground again, hopefully for good.

Blah took a moment to catch his breath, but it would have been his last if he didn't notice the second zombie's return out of the corner of his eye. He quickly turned and held out his club just in time to catch the abomination's teeth. He tried to shake it, but the undead's jaws were wrapped tightly around the wood. Eventually, it let go, realizing that there was no taste to the makeshift weapon, but by that time, a few more zombies had been attracted by the commotion.

_'This is insane,' _thought Blah in a panic. _'Trying to hold them off is pointless. I better make a break for that hill...'_

Throwing his club across his uninjured shoulder, Blah broke into a sprint in the direction of the eastern hill. Luckily, the zombies' rotten limbs were unable to carry them with as much speed, and the man was able to outrun them.

He frantically climbed the hill, aiming to use it as a vantage point and get a good look at the surrounding field. As the sky beyond the raised ground became visible, he noticed a flying eyeball headed straight towards him.

"Whoa!" he cried, seeing one of the terrifying eyes for the first time in person. He had never seen an eyeball out of its socket before, and it was just as grotesque as he had imagined. He made it to the top, firmly planting his feet on the ground, and waited for the eye to approach, holding his club like a baseball bat and sweating like the bases were loaded and it was the bottom of the ninth with two outs. It was an especially nerve-wracking image for one who rarely played baseball.

Blah slammed the bat forward as soon as he saw the white of the eye, and it collided with his target, making a satisfying splat and sending it rocketing moonward. The heavy swing caused his shoulder to sting, which made Blah flinch, costing him a bit of the time he earned to scan the horizon for the soul he was risking his life to save.

The darkness was relentless, and it was difficult to make out more than the occasional hint of movement in the distance, but Blah noticed a lot of it was concentrated in a single area, near a small cliff face.

_'I'd bet my other shoulder that's where the zombies have them cornered,' _Blah deduced, and he carefully descended the hill to confirm his theory. As he neared, he could make out the shapes of several humanoid figures converging near the cliff, slowly closing in.

"Hey, you stupid zombies!" called Blah as he ran at them bravely. "Leave this innocent person alone!"

Most of the zombies either didn't hear him or didn't care enough to change their sights. Blah did get a response nonetheless, in the form of a male voice from the other side. "Someone's there?! Oh, thank Celestia!"

_'Celestia?' _Blah repeated in his head, but he knew there was no time for questions. He swiftly came up behind one of the zombies, striking it in the back of the head. It stumbled forward, falling flat on its face. Blah went straight for the one next to that and dealt a similar blow. Although it wasn't enough to knock that one off its feet, he did succeed in getting the others' attention.

"I built a shelter on the other side of that hill," Blah hastily explained. "I'll handle the zombies. You just get yourself to safety!"

"R-right, gotcha!" A shaking silhouette galloped on all fours through the path that Blah had created. The clearly inhuman shape caught him off-guard, and he did a double take.

"Was that a horse...?" he questioned, forgetting about his previous commitment not to ask questions. He felt a surge of pain in his back while he was distracted, reminding him that he still had hostiles to deal with.

He twisted around, throwing the weight of the club upwards into the nearest zombie's lower jaw. His target reeled, but the other half dozen zombies closed in on him just as they had done with the strange being he had just rescued. He was surrounded from all sides. "Oh crap," he exclaimed, recognizing that he had just jumped straight into the fire from the center of the frying pan.

_'Looks like I'll have to fight my way out of this one,' _thought Blah, taking a deep breath.

He took another shot at a zombie, striking it rather uselessly in the arm. The zombie did not falter. He stepped back and aimed a kick at the torso of another nearby corpse, knocking it over and earning some momentum to swing the club at another one. Although it was a successful hit, the other zombies had only gotten closer. They were rapidly overwhelming him, and his stamina was draining just as fast. To make matters worse, a trio of eyeballs had swarmed in and were circling above him.

Blah's only hope at that moment was that he would respawn after death, just like in the video game, but something in the back of his head told him that that was impossible.

"Well, I'm not going down without a fight!" he roared as a final dose of adrenaline coursed through his veins. He twirled his club high over his head and brought it down on the nearest zombie, using his foot to speed up its fall. The eyeballs descended to fill the newly created gap, blocking him from making a mad dash through it. He swung at one eye, but the other two avoided the club and crashed against his ribs. A zombie in back bit down on his already injured shoulder, driving him to slam his weapon behind himself. The zombie released him, leaving nothing but searing pain.

Biting his lip, he targeted another humanoid foe to his left, barely noticing that the eyes were already curving around for another dive. He leaped to the side at the last second, the eyes careening forward. One of them veered straight into something solid, bouncing off of it and coming to rest on the ground. The solid object jumped into the air to strike the other healthy eye with a squelch, sending it back towards Blah, who was sufficiently prepared to swat it away with his club again.

It was at that point that Blah noticed the solid object was in fact the horse he had rescued a moment before. "You came back..." uttered Blah, struggling to his feet.

"I couldn't just let you fight those... those _things_ by yourself," the horse answered, the fear still evident in his voice. "Now let's just hurry back before more show up!"

"Good plan," Blah agreed, following closely behind. His new friend scampered forward, using his speed to trample a newly arrived zombie that stood in their path. Blah checked over his shoulder, noticing another eyeball gaining on them fast. He stopped just long enough to turn around and perform another grand slam.

With both survivors on guard, the two of them made it back to the wooden house with relatively little difficulty. Blah sprinted ahead to open the door, and as soon as his companion entered, he slammed it shut, quickly replacing his wooden blockade.

Blah slumped over, leaning against the logs and catching his breath. He was finally able to get a good glimpse of the sentient quadruped. He was a bit smaller than a conventional horse, standing at about four feet tall before laying down on the wooden floor, also taking a much-needed breather. His coat was an imperfect white, or a very light gray, and his medium sky blue mane and tail had a stripe of cyan running the length of each. He also had two wings, one of them clearly broken, and on his upper thigh was the image of a dark, hailing cloud.

"Oh my God..." Blah panted aloud. The sight of this winged horse brought back a specific memory of a cartoon show he used to watch from time to time. "You're a My Little Pony."

"Excuse me?" the pony replied, somewhat put off. "Just because you rescued me doesn't mean you own me. In fact, if it weren't for me, you'd probably-"

"That's not what I meant," Blah interrupted. "I mean you're... I've never seen a pony before. I didn't even think they were real."

"Well, I've never seen a human before," repeated the pony. "But you don't see me freaking out over it."

Blah wasn't sure how to feel about his sudden discovery. He already knew that he had been transported to another world, but one that apparently had ponies as well? He seemed to recall an entire category of people from his original world who would have killed to be in his position right now, a category that he only vaguely associated himself with.

Ultimately, he decided to roll with it. "Nevermind," he dismissed. "Since we'll probably be sticking together a while on account of our injuries, we should introduce ourselves at least. My name is Blahsadfeguie, or Blah for short." He silently praised himself for remembering the moniker he had chosen. He waited for the pegasus's response, hoping that he didn't have a ridiculously cutesy name.

The pony nodded. "I'm Hailstorm. Or Hail for short." Blah softly sighed with relief; he was quite fine with that name. Hailstorm looked away. "Though I don't know about sticking together. I was kinda planning on heading out in the morning..."

"On a broken... wing?" Blah protested. "No, I can't let you go out in such bad shape. And do you even know where you are?"

"I can walk just fine," snapped Hail, suddenly standing. "And..." He shrunk away again. "Well, no, I'm not too sure where I am." He stood up fully, trying his best to seem confident. "B-but I can find my way. I'm a pegasus, I know the lay of the land like the back of my hoof!"

Blah would have laughed if he didn't feel pity for the poor guy. "So then, what was that about not being sure-"

"Back. Of. My. Hoof." He raised a foreleg for added emphasis. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get at least half of a decent night's sleep..."

Blah had a good feeling that if he left it at that, the pegasus would be gone before he woke up. "Hang on a minute," he urged, to Hail's dismay. Blah dug through his backpack, pulling out a handful of red mushrooms he had gathered while chopping trees. "At least eat some of these. They should speed up the healing process a bit. I think they're magic or something, I dunno."

Hail stared at the pile of fungus apprehensively. "I don't know about you, but when a stranger offers me magic mushrooms to ease my pain, I generally take it as a sign to get as far away from them as possible."

"Look," said Blah, the crankiness from his own lack of sleep starting to kick in, "Would you rather wander through these clearly unfamiliar fields, alone and on foot with a broken wing, surrounded by slimes during the day and zombies at night, or take a chance on some mushrooms?" Hail looked away again, unresponsive. "Here, I'll have some right now. They do nothing but good, see for yourself."

Although he was a bit hesitant to do so, this being the first time he had eaten wild mushrooms, Blah popped a couple of them into his mouth. He chewed on the rubbery, tasteless fungus, letting their juices run down his throat. It was not the most pleasant thing to pass his lips, but much of his lingering pain ceased immediately, allowing Blah to lean back further in comfort.

Hailstorm stared at Blah's arm in shock. "Your shoulder..."

Blah looked down at the wounds exposed through the tears in his shirt. They had closed up almost completely, and the bleeding had stopped. Even he was surprised that the shrooms had worked. "There we go!" he cried. "It's not a complete heal, but it's a start." He handed the remaining mushrooms to the stallion. "What do you say?"

Having seen enough proof, yet still showing signs of uncertainty, Hail wordlessly snatched up the mushrooms in his mouth. His eyes watered slightly as he chewed, swallowing quickly. His broken wing flexed a bit, and he winced as a light crackling noise could be heard. Blah watched inquisitively as the pegasus paused, glancing at his wing. He tried extending it, but a sudden influx of pain forced him to stop, laying it to rest.

"I guess it doesn't do as much on broken bones," Blah said with a shrug. "Understandable. I think we can make some healing potions if we just had some glass to put it in... and I'm sure as heck not going sand-collecting this late at night."

"So in other words," Hail spoke, "you'd be willing to go to the trouble of making me some kind of potion to heal my wing, but only after daybreak?"

Blah paused for a moment, considering his situation. When he first arrived, he was prepared to ensure his own survival, nothing more. However, Hailstorm was proof that there was some other form of civilization somewhere. If he helped the pony out, perhaps he would show him where that was, so he could at least get his bearings and figure out why and how he was abducted, and how to get back to his own world. It was the best lead he had, so he had no choice.

Finally, he nodded. "Sure. You're the first person I've met since I came here, so I have to treat you with some kind of respect." He glared sideways at Cody, who flashed a sarcastic grin in return. "Well, the first _real_ person I've met."

Hail sprawled himself out on the floor in surrender. "Guess I'm staying with you for a while, then."


	3. The Grass is Always Purpler

Chapter 3: The Grass is Always Purpler

"Alright, sleepyhead, I think it's time to wake up."

Blah's moment of bliss was interrupted by something solid shaking his body. Reluctantly, he rolled over onto his back, his eyes cracking open and being treated to some natural light, as well as the stern face of Hailstorm.

"So it wasn't a dream..." moaned Blah as he rolled over onto his side. He was in no hurry to get up, as usual.

Hail sighed. "Have you already forgotten about the promise you made last night?"

Blah hadn't, but he didn't think he was on a deadline. "What time is it?" he asked, unmoving.

The pegasus looked out of the window, judging the position of the sun. "I'd say around ten o' clock," he responded. "The sun rose hours ago, Blah. Are all humans this lazy?"

"Are all pegasi this impatient?" countered Blah, yawning and stretching before sitting up and retrieving his glasses from the workbench. With his vision restored, his eyes landed on a rather large fixture in the room - a sizable stone furnace. "Whoa, when did that get there..."

"While you were having your beauty sleep," Hail quipped, "I asked Cody about how to make glass, and he said you needed a furnace. So I asked him how to make a furnace, and he said to get some stone. I borrowed that pickaxe of yours and did just that."

"You actually _talked_ to him?" Blah queried in disbelief, glancing at the guide in his corner. Cody gave a half-wave in acknowledgement.

Hail rolled his eyes. "Ok, I'll admit he is a bit of a pain, but the point is, I got some work done. Found a bit of copper ore while I was at it, too." He indicated a pile of orange-tinted rocks in the corner opposite Cody.

"Oh yeah..." Blah looked at the copper, remembering that it certainly wouldn't hurt to gather some ore for equipment. "Well... thanks!"

"Yeah, don't mention it," Hail said, looking away. "So, are you finally ready to look for that sand?"

Blah stood up, slipping his arms into the straps of his backpack and grabbing his trusty wooden club. "As ready as I'll ever be."

The duo left the house, eager to explore the landscape for the entrance to a cave of any size. All traces of the undead had vanished with the moon, and the only creatures left roaming the surface were peaceful rabbits and squirrels, and the occasional green slime, which Blah was always quick to dispatch with his weapon.

"So, Hailstorm..." Blah addressed as they walked, killing some time. "From where do you... _hail_?" Blah smirked at his own pun.

"I live in Cloudsdale," the pegasus answered, choosing to ignore Blah's poor attempt at a joke for his own safety. "Though my job usually takes me to Ponyville. I'm a weatherpony, specializing in winter weather."

"I see," said Blah, recognizing both locations from the show that he watched, as well as the common pegasus profession of managing the weather. Hail was somewhat surprised that Blah was able to follow him so far. "What were you doing way out here, then?"

"Well, the forecast called for heavy snow," Hail recalled, "and just about all of the good clouds had been used up in last week's downpour, so I flew out in search of the perfect replacement."

"Uh-huh." Blah looked up to the sky, seeing only very light clouds that could never produce precipitation. The temperature was comfortably warm as well. "Heavy snow, eh? That's odd, cause last I checked, it was about the middle of summer."

"Uh... Oh look, a cave," Hail pointed out, hastily changing the subject. Sure enough, there was a cave in the base of a hill not too far from where they were walking.

Blah chuckled quietly. _'You're off the hook for now, Hailstorm,' _he thought to himself. He cleared his throat. "Well, alrighty then! Let's go."

The two of them descended carefully into the gradual downward slope of a tunnel, Blah leading the way with a torch in one hand and his club in the other. Hail took the rear, keeping a close eye on the entrance to clobber any slimes that tried to flank them. Occasionally, Blah would jam a torch into a nearby wall to light up the way from which they came.

Hail stopped, glancing down a small side passage. "Huh, who left these pots here?"

Blah turned and looked into the passage. Several ancient, cracked pots lined the cavern floor. "Eh, who cares," he scoffed. "It's loot!" And without any further warning, he lifted his club and brought it down on the nearest pot, smashing it to pieces.

Hail flinched at the noise, astonished at Blah's sudden urge to wreck. "So your first instinct-" Crash! Hail flinched again. "...when you come across some ancient artifact-" Crash! "...is to smash it?!"

"Oh, these pots are all over the place in Terraria," Blah downplayed, sorting through the pieces and picking up some assorted coins of silver and copper. "There's always lots of neat stuff in them, so there's no reason not to break every one you see!" Among the wreckage was also a length of rope, which Blah greedily bagged.

"If you say so..." Hail wandered ahead, having second thoughts about hanging out with the human.

When Blah had his fill of carnage, he decided to rejoin Hail in exploring the cave. There were a few deposits of copper and iron lining the walls, which Blah went ahead and picked up on the way. Eventually, the two came across a rather deep pit in front of them.

"Well, we tried," Hail gave up, already turning around and heading for the entrance.

"Not so fast," Blah halted. "Did you not see the rope I picked up a minute ago?"

"Do you not see my lack of opposable thumbs?" Hail rhetorically retorted, holding up his hoof. "And it's not like I can fly down there, either."

Blah had already gotten out the rope. "So you'll just have to stay put like a good little colt until I get back." He tied one end around a nearby stalagmite and threw the rest of it into the chasm.

Grumbling, Hail picked a boulder to sit on while Blah mentally prepared himself to slide down the rope.

_'Ok, rope climbing,' _he thought. _'I know gym wasn't my best class, but this can't be too hard, right?'_

Taking a deep breath, Blah crouched down, twisted his body around, and grabbed onto the rope firmly with both hands. He began to slowly slide down, watching closely to make sure he didn't reach the end of the rope before the bottom of the pit.

"Hey, this is no problem at all!" Blah commented excitedly. He looked up momentarily to see how far he'd gotten, and noticed something strange. "Wait, where did this come from?" Instead of the rope, Blah was grabbing an odd, hooked wooden implement that he had never seen before, attached to the rope via a series of gears. The curious winch allowed him to shimmy down safely, quickly, and effortlessly. As an experiment, he tried manipulating the winch so that it would pull him upward instead of downward, and that act was just as easy to perform. While the origins of this winch were a mystery, Blah could not deny that it made rope climbing infinitely more convenient.

As he reached the bottom, he noticed the rope was a few feet shy of hitting the floor of the pit, which was just fine for him. His winch ran the length of rope, and when it ran out, Blah landed on the floor with the grace of a penguin. After righting himself, he managed to get a good look around the chamber, his eyes resting on a wall of yellowish sand, lightly sparkling in the light of the torch. "Bingo!" he announced as he began to harvest it by the armful.

However, no sooner had he packed the first scoop than he heard a shout from the top of the pit. It was indiscernible, but it was definitely frantic.

Blah sighed. "Where's the fire?" he called back. "'Cause you won't believe the amount of sand I found, and would very much like to collect!"

"Forget that! Y-you really need to come up here now!" yelled the pony.

_'Now what could possibly have him on edge?' _Blah thought as he winched his way up the rope with a collection of what he hoped would be enough sand for one bottle. _'It can't be anywhere near night time, so if he's freaking out over a slime I'll have his head.'_

As soon as Blah reached the top, peeking over the cliff, Hail's worries were justified. Flying into the cave was a rotten, purple abomination bearing a single eye and two massive mandibles. It was a bit large for the passage, but that didn't stop it from bouncing against the walls, voraciously traversing what little space it had to reach the cowering Hailstorm.

"Is that an eater of souls?!" Blah exclaimed, equally baffled. Somehow, knowing what it was called did not quell Hail's fear. "I didn't think we were anywhere near the corruption..."

"Whatever it is, just do something!" cried Hail, finding himself backed up against the edge of the cliff.

Blah stared into the eye of the eater of souls, which stared back hungrily as it continued its determined dive towards the travelers. He certainly remembered such a beast from his previous Terrarian exploits, and he knew that it was not to be messed with unprepared. Seeing its grotesque carapace in the flesh was enough to make Blah's hair stand on end. Furthermore, they couldn't run, as their only exit was blocked off.

Blah held out his club, despite knowing that it would do very little against the vicious eater. "Hail," instructed Blah, "as soon as you see an opening for escape, take it and run back to the base."

The pegasus nodded, bending his knees in anticipation. The eater of souls drew ever closer, its attention trained on the fully standing Blah.

_'Ok, Blah, you got this. Just wait until the right moment...'_

Blah lowered his club. There was only one way to ensure that Hail would have a viable, if brief opening. Other than letting himself get devoured, of course. For it to work, however, he had to wait until the very last moment.

The eater accelerated, its prey mere inches from its salivating mouth. This was the moment. Blah swung suddenly upwards, deflecting the creature into the ceiling using its own momentum. As he had planned, there was a large enough gap for someone of Hail's height to dash past.

The stallion took off, ducking under the eater as it turned around and veered to a halt, ready to charge again. It was then that Hail saw another opportunity. He stopped, planting his front feet into the ground and raising his hind legs, kicking them powerfully backwards into the enemy's jaw. The pained eater of souls lost its focus and fell into the pit behind them.

"Good one," Blah commended, "but that won't keep it down for long. Let's vamoose before we provoke any more of them!"

Hailstorm was eager to do just that, tracing Blah's footsteps with near perfect accuracy.

As they emerged from the cave, Blah slowed down for a moment to seek out where the eater might have come from. He wanted to make a mental note of the corruption's location, mostly so he could avoid it, though Blah knew they would have to go there eventually anyway.

"What are you doing, hurry up!" Hail stopped, waiting for the human to catch up.

Blah's gaze rested on a dark section of forest. The purple grass and faded trees were barely visible, but it was enough to satisfy him. "Aha, check it out," he indicated. "The corruption is right over there..."

"All the more reason to run from it," Hail countered. "Now come on already, let's..." His words trailed off as he noticed a silhouette standing among the sinister purple landscape. It was roughly pony-shaped, and looked somewhat familiar. Slowly, he began to approach.

"Hailstorm...?" Blah called, confused at the stallion's behavior, until he saw it as well. A shadow of a pony, close to Hail's size, and quite dark against the backdrop of the sky. He thought he could even make out a horn. But there was something uncanny about the shadowy equine figure. Its motionless glare was not unlike that of the eater of souls - malicious and foreboding.

However, just before either of them could get close enough to discern any more details, the silhouette disappeared behind the horizon. The two observers shuddered almost simultaneously.

"I think..." Hail uttered, hesitating. "I think Ponyville's in that direction..." He gulped audibly, desperately hoping that he was incorrect.

Blah shared his sentiments. "If so... we're going to need a lot more metal." As he spoke, two more figures emerged from the corruption, both of a shape that he was still not quite accustomed to. Two eaters of souls, springing forth at the smell of fresh meat. "But first," Blah said, turning around, "let's get back to running!"

* * *

><p>Beads of sweat dropped from Blahsadfeguie's forehead as he stood next to the furnace, waiting for its heat to treat the sand he had collected. Hailstorm paced back and forth nervously on the wooden floor as the door thumped loudly in its frame. Cody sat in the corner, unnaturally calm as he thumbed through a thin, green book.<p>

"Where did that stuff even come from?" Hail mumbled to himself. "I was only gone for one night... I really hope everypony's okay..."

Hail's utterances caught Blah off-guard. "Wait, did he really just say..." He shook his head. "Nevermind. I need to focus." He pulled the fresh hot glass from the furnace, taking it to the workbench. He glanced at Cody. "Ok, tell us everything you know about the corruption. Stat."

Cody closed the book, keeping his finger inside as a temporary bookmark. "What's there to say?" he remarked with a shrug. "It's evil, dangerous, and contagious."

"How contagious?" Hail demanded, closing in on the guide. "What kinds of things can it do to a pony?"

"Sounds like you've already caught a glimpse of it," answered Cody unhelpfully.

"Of course I have, that's why I'm asking about it," Hail angrily articulated. "What I want to know is, can it... corrupt ponies?"

"The short answer is yes," Cody answered matter-of-factly, his smirk widening. "It's probably already too late for them."

Hail was appalled by Cody's attitude. "How can you say that so calmly? Are you _enjoying_ this?! Are you _behind_ the whole thing?!"

He felt a tap on his shoulder and nearly exploded, but caught himself upon realizing that it was just Blah holding up a thick red concoction. "Sorry to interrupt, but it's done. Drink up."

"Oh... thanks," he said less than enthusiastically as he snatched up the potion in his mouth and drank it. He nearly spit it back out at the taste, but he forced himself to swallow it. "Ugh, what the hail is in this, anyway? Slime?"

"Well, as a matter of fact..." Blah started sheepishly, stopping when he registered what Hail had said. "Hang on, did you seriously just-"

A loud cracking noise interrupted Blah's expression of discomfort. The potion's effects manifested immediately, causing Hail's wing bones to snap back into place. It was painful even to listen to. Blah could only imagine the sort of pain that Hailstorm was feeling, if the pegasus's scrunched-up face was any indication.

The noises ceased quickly, though, and Hail began to relax. He tried stretching his wing again, and, feeling no sudden bursts of pain, flapped them both in tandem. To his excitement, he began to hover off of the ground as easily as if the injury never occurred. "Holy Celestia, I can fly again!" A grin spread across his face, and for a moment he had forgotten completely about the corruption. "That sludge made me sick to my stomach, sure, but a pegasus without flight is like a winter without snow!"

"Great," Blah replied, already getting to work on smelting their reserves of copper and iron. "Now we'll have a much better chance of dealing with that corruption."

"Uh, what do you mean 'we'?" refuted Hail, landing softly. "I got all that I needed from you. So, thanks, but I can handle things from here on my own." He began to make his way for the door.

"You mean like you handled those zombies and eyeballs on your own?" questioned the human, stopping Hail in his tracks. "Neither of us can take on the evils of this world on by ourselves, but we've managed to survive this long by sticking together, haven't we? Face it, we both work much better as a team." The pony bowed his head, knowing that Blah was not wrong. "I bet with the right gear, and both of us taking to the sky, we can conquer just about anything!"

Hail turned around. "Ok, I'm going to have to stop you there. Because it sounds like you're expecting me to give you a ride. And under absolutely no circumstances do I give rides."

"You know, saying that is only going to make it more likely that he'll end up on your back eventually," Cody smugly predicted.

"We'll fly over that bridge when we come to it." Blah retrieved a decent supply of copper and iron bars from the furnace, taking the iron to the workbench. "Until then, I need to know what we should make with this."

"Weapons, obviously," suggested Hail. "Kicking is fine, but I'd rather not get too close to the enemy."

"Oh?" Blah glanced at the pegasus, sizing him up. "Can ponies even use weapons?"

Hail scoffed. "Hooves aren't just thick clubs holding us up, you know. When you have to live with four your whole life, you learn to make do. I can hold and manipulate things perfectly well, especially while airborne when I have two hooves free."

"Ok, ok, I didn't need a biology lesson," Blah retracted. "Sounds to me like you'd be comfortable with a ranged weapon, like a bow. Or..." Blah paused, figuring that bows were probably still somewhat difficult to use for one without fingers. "A crossbow... though I don't know if we can make one of those right now."

Cody popped open his book again, turning to a later page. "Says right here that you can make a crossbow with about 10 bars."

"I'd be happy with a crossbow," agreed Hail.

Blah raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Since when can we make crossbows? I don't recall seeing any recipes like that..."

"This isn't exactly the same Terraria you're familiar with," Cody responded. "I believe you've already met living proof of that."

Blah sighed. "Ok, we'll make an iron crossbow then." He turned to the anvil.

"When did we get an anvil?" Hail asked.

"I made it during your monologue," Blah replied, setting the iron bars atop it. "Five iron bars at a workbench. It's not rocket science."

The pegasus failed to comprehend his logic. "But how could you possibly make an anvil using a workbench?"

"Shut up and take your crossbow," Blah dismissed, handing him a fully functional iron crossbow. Hail accepted the weapon, now wondering how he managed to finish it that fast, but unable to find the will to ask.

"And now for myself," continued Blah, turning back to his remaining bars. "I'd love to make a hammer, but as far as I know, hammers are really only useful for breaking walls..." He looked at the guide. "I don't suppose you have any recipes for warhammers in there?"

"Iron warhammer, 14 bars," Cody read. "Slightly stronger than a sword, at the cost of speed, but it does also function as a standard hammer."

"Done!" announced Blah, holding up a thick iron bludgeon with both hands. Hail's confusion heightened.

The warhammer was heavy and not all that well balanced, but he felt more powerful simply by holding it. As practice, he drew back and swung at the air in front of him, parting it with a mighty whoosh. The inertia of the mass of metal was so great that it kept going, crashing into the wall and leaving a noticable crack. Blah froze, but after a moment, a mad grin crept across his cheeks. "Awesome!" he interjected, his confidence skyrocketing.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side," commented Hail, backing away.

"Okay, last step is to see if we can make any armor." Blah set the hammer aside and counted his copper bars. "Let me guess, there are recipes for horse armor now as well?"

Cody nodded. "Yep. Though I doubt you have enough bars to fully suit both of you."

Blah finished counting. Forty-seven bars. An impressive number, but as Cody had said, it was not nearly enough for the both of them. Blah considered his options carefully.

"You can have the armor," Hail offered. "I'd rather travel as light as possible."

"Actually..." Blah got to work with the bars. "I'm making it for you. The mount usually takes more hits than the rider, after all."

"For the last time, you're not riding me!" the pony protested, but before he could say anything else, Blah had already put together armor fit for an equine body shape with his impossible speed. "Ugh. Fine, I'll take the armor, but that doesn't mean you'll be on my back..."

"Oh, we'll see about that," Cody chuckled to himself.


	4. Ponies in Peril

CHAPTER 4: Ponies in Peril

_'So it's really come to this. The tag team of the century. My big mouth, and Cody's big head.'_

Blah had explained to Hailstorm on the way that mobility and teamwork were the two most important things at that moment - with their current gear, they'd have to step up their game if they wanted to rescue an entire village. And so, Blah had managed to convince Hail into, reluctantly, being his temporary aerial mount.

As a unit, Hail could pick off any monsters he could see, while Blah could easily knock away any foes that got too close. The duo soared over the land, rapidly approaching the dark backdrop, practically untouched in their determination and skill. It was a remarkable sight.

That didn't make Hail hate it any less, however.

_'Blah could at least afford to lose some weight...'_

As they neared the corruption, the ranks of eaters swelled in number. The two of them had little time to take in the sights, but what they did see only served to harm their morale. The field was covered in twisted, purple grass, its foliage replaced with tainted flowers and massive thorns. Many of the trees, their wood grayed and half-rotten, had collapsed under their own weight. Huge chasms of deep, purple stone were sparsely spread out across the ground, filled with nothing but darkness.

While Blah focused on covering Hail's immediate surroundings, the pony scanned the ground below for any signs of his home town. He thought he saw some natural landmarks that looked familiar, but it was hard to recognize them through the fresh coat of purple and gray paint. The deeper they traveled, however, the more uncanny the resemblances became. Hail became uncomfortable looking through the purple-tinted lens at the lands he once traveled above so frequently. It was the perfect setting for a nightmare.

And then, they saw it. Buildings made of rotten wood and sinister brick. Ponies tainted with blood-red and midnight black. What was once a lively, friendly community of ponies was now a lifeless wasteland full of shambling, soulless equines. The sight was enough to send chills down even Blah's spine.

"Maybe we should go back..." Blah muttered, his courage deserting him. In Terraria, he was completely fearless, but the game never featured large civilizations becoming zombified by a mysterious, malignant force. The image of himself in a similar, corrupted state plagued his mind, and he feared that this image would become reality. "Looks like it's too late for them..."

"Are you kidding me?!" Hail responded. "We came all this way, waded through demons and abominations, just to let an entire village of innocent people live a life of chaos and... well... corruption?! Celestia as my witness, I'm getting to the bottom of this, right now! And as long as you're on my back, you're going nowhere!"

He flew higher over the ground to emphasize this fact. Blah suddenly had heights to tack on to his list of fears.

"Aah!" he yelled, clutching the pegasus tighter. "Ok, ok, I'll help! Please don't do that!"

Hail lowered himself, putting Blah a little at ease. "Good, now we can't afford to waste any more time. Keep on the lookout for any clues as to the source... and for any survivors of this curse."

He flew over the rooftops as the two scanned the town for anything that stood out, all while knocking away the eaters of souls that had increased in quantity and ferocity. Occasionally, a corrupted pegasus would swoop in and assault the duo. Hail could not bring himself to fire bolts at them, so it was up to Blah to keep them at bay. Meanwhile, corrupted earth ponies and unicorns stared at the two with a similar hunger from below, wishing that the strangers weren't so far out of their reach.

"I don't know how much longer I can... ack!... hold out...!" cried Blah, as one eater struck him on the arm with its mandible before getting blasted to pieces by the warhammer.

"We're getting closer..." assured Hail, swerving away and striking another eater straight through its center. "Why would there be so many of 'em otherwise?"

The pair endured, pressing onward above entire blocks and plazas. Eventually, the buildings thinned out, making way for a vast expanse of trees that grew misshapen, molded fruits. So disfigured were the fruits that they were impossible to identify. "This is Sweet Apple Acres," Hail timidly announced. "Or what's left of it, I should say..."

A splash of red and a tinge of green caught Blah's eye. One of the barns on the farm had been completely untouched by the darkness, and it was surrounded by a circle of towering sunflowers.

"Sunflowers!" exclaimed Blah. "Corruption can't spread past sunflowers! It's a sanctuary!"

Indeed, as Hail closed in on the location, he could plainly see normal green grass around the barn. He perked up instantly. If there were any survivors, they'd almost certainly be in there. With any luck, they might also know a bit more about how the curse started. "I'm on it!"

Hail made a beeline for the barn, lowering his crossbow. Blah continued to stay on alert, and it wasn't long before something alerted him. Before he knew it, a troop of three purplish blurs zoomed ahead of them with blinding speed, blocking them from reaching the safe zone and quickly surrounding them. Hail flapped his way to a sudden halt. These were pegasus ponies, undoubtedly corrupted like the rest, except their dark, full-body uniforms and goggles set them apart from the rest.

Blah and Hail simultaneously gasped, both of them recognizing the force that stood between them and safety. "Oh no, not the Wonderbolts too..." muttered Blah worriedly.

Hail would have been curious as to how Blah knew about the all-star stunt fliers, if he hadn't been fearing for his life. Hail brought out his crossbow again. As much as it pained him to take up arms against his fellow pony, he wasn't sure if either of them could make it if he held back.

All at once, the Wonderbolts charged. Blah swiped at one of them with his hammer, but she darted away skillfully and socked him in the jaw, making him nearly lose his balance. Hail fired bolt after bolt, each of which were easily dodged as one of the members slammed Hail in the gut. It took all he had to keep from falling out of the sky.

One of the former performers evaded both heroes' sights and bucked Blah square in the back, knocking him off of Hail. Blah was helpless against the pull of gravity while the other two Wonderbolts assaulted Hail, ensuring that he would be unable to save the human.

THUD! Blah cratered into the ground face-first. His nose was badly broken and bleeding profusely, and at least two of his ribs were painfully cracked, not to mention his mangled left arm. This was a level of pain he had never experienced before. Using what remained of his energy, he crawled towards the circle of sunflowers. He couldn't imagine what was happening to Hail right now, but there was nothing he could do to help. He could already feel the darkness intruding upon his exhausted soul, and he had to get out of there fast.

He brushed past the sunflowers, and as soon as he was free of the darkness, he rolled over onto his back, probably the least of his bodily injuries at the time. His glasses had fallen off somewhere in the tussle, but in the sky he could make out three dark figures swarming a helpless white one.

_'Must... get up... and help...' _chanted Blah in his head, digging into the backpack next to him in the hopes of finding a potion, or at least a mushroom, to stabilize himself. He had no idea what he was going to do after he got up, but he had to do something. Anything.

"Crap..." Blah weakly exclaimed, realizing that he had only made the one potion for Hail back at the shack. The mushrooms were all the way at the bottom, and his strength rapidly deserted him. Soon, the exertion overtook him and he found himself slipping out of consciousness.

* * *

><p>"...ain't all dark and evil, so I reckon he's harmless. Strange, but harmless."<p>

"Oh... you're probably right."

"Oh hey, he's wakin' up. Howdy, stranger, how y'all feelin'?"

Blah stirred and groaned. He was still in pain, but he felt a cast on his arm and his nose was full of cotton keeping it stiff and dry. He opened his eyes, still lacking glasses, and saw two brightly colored figures standing over him - one yellow and pink, the other orange and yellow. Just by the colors and the shapes, Blah could identify the figures easily.

"Applejack...? Fluttershy...?" Blah muttered, still not quite used to talking to non-humans.

"Uh... have we met?" queried Applejack, startled that a complete stranger somehow knew her and her friend's names. "Come to think of it, are y'all even from around here?"

"Nope... Not technically..." Blah answered, trying to find a position that didn't hurt. He only managed to hurt himself more in the process, so he gave up.

"So how the hay do you know our names?" the earth pony demanded, suspicious.

"I've watched your show," Blah simplified. "Don't worry, though. I'm not _that_ kind of fanboy." He laughed, which transitioned to a cough.

"Please try not to laugh," advised Fluttershy. "Or breathe too hard. Also, um..." She looked away. "I'm sorry, but... what are you talking about? I don't remember putting on a show..."

Blah continued to laugh, despite the yellow pony's concerns. He couldn't help it, talking to what he recognized as cartoon characters, in the flesh. "Well, Fluttershy," he said, his tone becoming darker, "that's because they're filming you in secret. Every aspect of your lives, every incident, every action, every thought... they're watching you. They know."

"Every... thought...?" squeaked Fluttershy, slowly stepping back, looking frantically around the inside of the barn.

Unamused, Applejack approached Blah. "That's crazy talk! What are you tryin' to do, scare her?" She turned reassuringly to Fluttershy, who was still searching for the hidden, watching eyes. "Don't listen to him, sugarcube. Nopony's watchin' us."

"I'm only joking," Blah retracted. "It's a joke! Is it a crime to want to lighten the mood a little?" He figured attempting to press the fact that there was some truth to it would not help anyone at this point.

"You got a pretty dry sense of humor, then," scolded Applejack. "But nevermind all that. Do y'all have a name or not?"

"Blahsadfeguie, but you can just call me Blah," replied the human. Even he was starting to get used to introducing himself that way.

There was a brief silence. "Oh, that's another joke, right?" guessed Fluttershy, giggling slightly. "Heh heh... 'Blahsadfeguie'... that's not even a name."

Despite it not actually being his name, Blah still felt a little offended. "That wasn't a joke," he corrected. "It's my actual name."

Fluttershy shrunk away. "Ah... I'm so sorry, Mr. Blahsadfeguie... sir..."

Blah sighed. "Don't worry, I know, it's weird. But enough about me, please tell me Hailstorm is all right..."

"Welp... he's alive," answered Applejack, indicating a white grounded blob behind her, "but he's hurt real bad. Fluttershy's doin' her best to fix 'em right up."

"He'll be fine," Fluttershy added. "He just needs some rest..."

Blah was afraid to ask just how bad it was, and he was glad that his vision was too blurred to see for himself. If his friend was alive, however, that was good enough for him. "Glad to hear it..." he nodded. "So, this barn is completely safe?"

"It's the darnedest thing," said Applejack. "Them critters 'n zombies'll hunt you down like a hound hunts a fox, but they won't even go near the sunflowers. Good thing Fluttershy had a bushel of 'em handy, she planted them all around the barn before you could say 'apple fritter'!"

Blah nodded. Just as he thought, the sunflowers were able to completely hold back the corruption and its denizens. All that remained was to ask about its origins. "So how did the town get infected anyway? Where did it all begin?"

Applejack pawed at the ground and looked away for a moment. "I ain't really sure," she said. "Those one-eyed flyin' things seem to swarm around the ol' library where Twilight lives, so I reckon that might have somethin' to do with where the purple stuff came from..."

"Corruption," corrected Blah. "But yeah, sounds like a spell gone wrong or something... that would explain a lot. I hadn't considered the idea of the corruption being tied to magic before, and I feel like there's more to this story than just a magic misfire, but it makes enough sense." Blah was talking to himself more than the ponies now.

"Wait... you _know_ about this stuff?" Applejack retorted, now glaring at Blah with accusing eyes. Fluttershy perked up as well.

"Uh... well, it's complicated..." Blah said nervously, not helping his case in the slightest. "I'm from a world where the corruption is just another biome, but I've never heard of whole towns getting corrupted before. I also didn't know My Little Ponies were real until yesterday."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like we're both fish out of water here... if y'all are telling the truth, that is." She was standing right in front of Blah's face now, staring him eye-to-eye. Blah had no trouble seeing the seriousness in the earth pony's eyes.

"If I were behind this whole ordeal," Blah snapped, "why would I have been attacked by the corrupted Wonderbolts?"

"He's right," said Fluttershy. "They only wanted to help us... so the Wonderbolts didn't want them to reach the barn..."

The orange pony sighed. "Oh, alright, we believe you," she surrendered. "But it ain't gonna matter if we can't find a way to get Ponyville back to normal again. Any idea how we might do that, Mr. Expert?"

"There are a few ways to get rid of corruption..." began Blah, thinking back to his Terraria days. "There's purification powder, but you need to get that from a dryad and we haven't beaten the Eye of Cthulu yet." The others were already lost, but Blah continued regardless. "There's also holy water, but we have to enter hardmode first and that would just make things worse. Of course, with either of those methods you have to hit every square inch or else it'll spread back. A Clentaminator would be extremely thorough and efficient, but that's a seriously expensive investment. If you ask me, our best bet would probably be bombs and dynamite."

"Whoa whoa whoa, now hold your horses, pardner," Applejack cut in. "We ain't blowin' up nothin'. And I couldn't understand a word you said before that."

Blah frowned. It seemed that conventional methods were simply out of the question, but since the circumstances themselves were by no means conventional, perhaps there was another way. He shrugged. "We could try working our way to the source of the corruption," Blah improvised. "Once we figure out what's causing it, we might be able to put a stop to it."

"But if we stay in that purple grass for too long, we'll get 'corrupted' just like the rest..."

"Which is why we'll dig an escape tunnel." Blah pulled out his copper pickaxe. "As long as we start the tunnel inside the sunflowers, and don't surface until we reach normal ground, we'll be untouchable! Then we can gear up back at my place and prepare ourselves for the massive battle that is sure to ensue."

"Oh, but you shouldn't be digging in your condition," Fluttershy chimed in.

"...oh, right, what was I thinking?" Blah reached into his backpack and pulled out a few materials - namely, some mushrooms, slime gel, and six empty bottles, which he had created along with the one used for Hail's potion, with the intention of making more on the spot. He had unfortunately been too distracted to finish the job at the time, but as long as he had the materials with him, it didn't matter. "You got a table I can work with?"

"Uh, right here," said Applejack, carting in a small workbench hesitantly, yet curiously.

Blah placed one of the bottles on the table without a second thought, and began mixing the ingredients into the other bottles. The process was slow and awkward due to only having one usable arm, but he still managed to impress the two mares with his efficiency. He ended up with half a dozen fresh, red potions, and wasted no time drinking one himself. Instantly, the bruises and cuts on his body began to recover, and his bones snapped back into place, causing a series of sickening cracks that made everyone, especially Fluttershy, wince. Blah was still a bit sore, but he could now stand up fully without extreme pain.

He removed the cast and the cotton and looked almost good as new. "Have Hail drink this when he wakes up," said Blah with a smirk, tossing the flabbergasted Fluttershy one of the healing potions with his previously shattered arm. Unquestioningly, she caught it with her mouth as she watched Blah carry the pickaxe just outside the barn.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Blah heard Applejack call after him and turned around to see the farmer carrying his glasses. "We found these on the ground near where you crashed when we picked up Hailstorm. They don't look like they could fit anypony I know, so I thought they might be yours."

"You got that right," said Blah as he retrieved his glasses and slipped them on, glad to finally be able to see again. "And it's about time. I was _this close_ to going into a _blind_ rage." He chuckled to himself as he struck the ground, but stopped as he realized he was the only one laughing. "That one _was_ a joke. You are allowed to laugh."

"Not if it isn't funny," groaned a familiar stallion's voice.

"Well, look who's awake," remarked Blah. "And judgmental. If you can't see the humor in my puns, maybe you need these glasses more than I do!"

"With you cracking jokes like that, it's no wonder the dead are restless," complained Hail as Fluttershy approached him with the potion.

"Yeah, those zombies want a piece of my brilliant brain," countered Blah. "Of _corpse_, I won't let them have it. Coming after me is a _grave_ mistake. I'll slam them so hard, they won't know _rot_ hit them!"

"Ok, that's it," Hail snapped, finishing off the potion. "As soon as I'm healed, I'm going to strangle him."


	5. Gearing and Endearing

CHAPTER 5: Gearing and Endearing

Somehow, Fluttershy had managed to restrain Hailstorm just long enough for Blahsadfeguie and Applejack to get a good start on the tunnel, the earth pony supplying her own iron pickaxe from the barn. As they dug, they stored all of the cleared dirt and stone in Blah's seemingly bottomless backpack, gradually placing torches along the way. There were even a few small veins of copper and iron, which Blah was quick to excavate.

After an hour or two of work, according to some hasty and roundabout math, Blah determined that he should be directly under his original wooden shack. Taking a deep breath, he struck the ceiling, letting in the sunlight for the first time in a while. He popped his head out like a gopher in early February, and when he saw green grass and normal trees all around, he sighed a deep sigh of relief. He climbed out of the hole, followed closely by the ponies. The shack was nowhere to be seen, but neither was the corruption, and that was good enough for all four of them.

Hail quickly took to the sky, getting a pegasus-eye view of the landscape, and identified their location in the wilderness - a quarter mile or so from home. The group gladly made the trip above ground.

As the dinky box came into view, Applejack raised an eyebrow. "_This_ is your place?" she asked incredulously.

"Yep," Blah feigned enthusiasm. "Hey, I never said it was pretty."

"It's okay," Fluttershy consoled the man. "You did your best, given the circumstances."

"Actually, not really," Blah denied. "If I wanted to, I could have made something spectacular even with limited resources, but I was only worried about keeping the zombies out."

Applejack wasn't buying it. "It takes a whole team of ponies just to raise a plain ol' barn," she attested. "I just can't see one guy doin' that kind of work by himself, let alone makin' it nice to look at."

"What she said," agreed Hail, coming in for a landing near the door.

"Oh, yeah?" The human took their disbelief as a challenge. "Give me a little while, I can have a much better shelter up in no time." He started for the door of the shack.

"Um, I'm sure you could, if you put your mind to it," Fluttershy cautiously stated as Blah walked past, "but don't you think we should be focusing on... oh, how did you put it... 'gearing up?'"

Blah decided to pretend that he didn't hear the quiet pegasus and opened the door to the shack. Hailstorm and Applejack exchanged glances.

"I'm curious to see what he's up to," Hail stated.

"Yeah, let's give him a few minutes, anyway," Applejack decided. "This oughta be fun to watch." They followed Blah inside the shack, leaving Fluttershy to silently question why she even bothers.

Inside, Blah was already furiously smelting the stone he had collected from digging the tunnel. Cody leaned back in his crude corner-mounted chair, calmly watching. Both of the mares were caught off-guard by the existence of the second, unmentioned human.

"Oh, this is Cody," Hail introduced dully. "He's our resident killjoy."

"Looks like you gave Blah quite the mission," observed the guide. He didn't seem too interested in the newcomers, either.

"Nice to meet you, Cody," Fluttershy politely greeted, unperturbed by Cody's cold shoulder. "I'm Fluttershy, and this is Applejack."

"I'm sure you are," he shrugged off, not even looking at the yellow pony as Blah retrieved heap after heap of gray stone bricks.

Fluttershy struggled to think of a response. Applejack simply frowned. "Yep," Hail added, "he really isn't worth mentioning. All he's useful for is answering questions about the land, and even then, he doesn't tell you the whole story."

"I know you have a lot of questions, but you can wait." Cody made no effort to dispute Hail's put-downs, instead remaining fixated on Blah, who had begun hastily putting together some wooden furniture. The longer-haired man brushed past everyone, having made all the materials he needed.

Everyone rushed to the window, watching Blah as he picked a suitably clear and level area nearby and laid down some wooden planks, starting a floor.

"He's actually tryin' it," groaned Applejack. "We're gonna be here forever at this rate." She glanced at Cody. "Well, if you're any good at answerin' questions, would you mind explainin' about that 'corruption', in the meantime?"

"There isn't much I can say that Blah hasn't already told you," Cody answered dismissively.

"Not even what causes it and how to stop it?" pressed the earth pony.

"The Corruption is a natural occurence in Terraria," the guide continued. "Much like how corruption is a natural occurence in civilization. Trying to stop either one completely is futile."

"Oh, really?" Hailstorm replied doubtfully. "Maybe in human society, but Equestria's as pure as it gets."

"What about Nightmare Moon?" Cody smugly fired back. "The co-ruler of Equestria was driven by corruption at one point."

All three of the ponies were taken aback. "How do you know about that?!" demanded Hail.

"Oh look, Blah's finished," the human calmly changed the subject, glancing out of the window again.

The miniature horses figured this was just his way of avoiding revealing his secrets, and that Blah could not possibly be finished with the house already. Sure enough, however, within view of the window was a rigid structure made of stone bricks where an empty clearing had been minutes earlier. Soft, flickering torchlight poured through the open windows. On top was a sloped roof made of logs. The house was still somewhat crude and was too small to fit multiple rooms, but it was certainly a lot better looking than the wooden box.

Applejack stood with her jaw agape, witnessing Blah strolling casually through the doorway as if he did this sort of thing for a living. She rushed out to talk to him as he installed the wooden door to complete the secondary shelter.

"How in tarnation did you build such a big ol' house so quickly?!" she questioned. "Do y'all have a cutie mark in brick layin' or somethin'?"

Blah shuddered internally at the thought of having an image of a trowel, or anything for that matter, on his own upper leg. "No, no, it just comes naturally to Terrarians. I guess." He found himself thankful that some of the more tedious tasks from the original game still retained their mechanics, and he wasn't about to question something that convenient.

Applejack opened the door and walked inside the house. A sawmill and a loom in one corner immediately caught her eye, followed by a bed and dresser on the opposite side of the room. The level of sophistication that Blah had achieved made very little sense, but she couldn't help but admire it in the end.

"Say, Blah..." she began somewhat hesitantly, "mind if I store some of my merchandise in here for safe keepin'? I had to move everything into that one barn, to keep it all from goin' rotten, and it's pretty packed."

"Oh yeah," Blah recalled, "you sell apples and apple accessories, don't you? Having a good supply of food nearby would be extremely useful. Knock yourself out."

"Well, I can't just let y'all dig in for free, of course," protested Applejack. "The profits keep the farm and the family alive. But I might be able to sell it at a discount. You got money, right?"

Blah checked his pockets. He barely noticed, but apparently all those slimes, zombies, and eaters had been carrying copper and silver coins, which gradually wound up in his possession with each kill. "Looks like it," he said, somewhat bewildered.

"Great! I reckon we'll get along just fine, sugarcube." Blah could've sworn he saw her wink just then, but it could have been his imagination.

_'Looks like Blahtown just got its merchant,' _Blah thought, giving what he felt was an appropriate name to his meager, yet growing community.

* * *

><p>With the secondary shelter constructed, it didn't take long for Blah to come up with a plan. While Applejack and Fluttershy carted supplies from the barn, Blah and Hail would branch off from the main tunnel and dig a shaft downward for ores. Blah made sure to pick up a few supplies from Applejack first, including plenty of torches, some rope, the iron pickaxe, and a couple of saddlebags for Hailstorm. He also made sure to pick up a few apple-based snacks for the road. This grand purchase cost him nearly all of the money he had accrued, but money was of no concern to him.<p>

After laying a trail of torches from Blahtown to the tunnel entrance, the four of them descended into it. While the two females continued on to the barn, the males began digging the shaft near the entrance, off to the side a few feet and then straight down. Blah hung the rope off of the top so that he'd be able to climb out later.

"Oh boy, digging," Blah exclaimed sarcastically to his companion. "Isn't this exciting?"

"It's about as exciting as watching grass grow," the pegasus replied, striking the ground awkwardly. "I hope we find something soon."

"I wouldn't mind breaching a cavern myself," concurred Blah as the two swung their picks in tandem.

They continued digging, occasionally pausing to catch their breath. There wasn't much metal to be found by this method, just a handful of copper ore, but they were determined to make this excursion count. One particularly aggressive volley of swings had Blah leaning against the wall of the shaft, and immediately discovering something interesting about it.

"This wall is damp," he announced, placing his hand on the dirt.

Hail did the same with a forehoof. "Hey, yeah... should we dig through it?" By the time he asked, Blah had already raised his pickaxe. Hail sighed. "I wanted to make sure we wouldn't flood the shaft or anything... but whatever."

With just a few strikes of their tools, a trickle of muddy water had been drawn. Blah kicked at the dirt, causing it to crumble inward and the dim torchlight of the shaft illuminated just enough of the space behind it that the two of them could identify an elongated chamber.

With a wide, eager grin, Blah waded through the ankle-high water and stuck another torch on the wall, providing ample light. The primarily dirt walls were spotted with patches of stone and a few visible veins of copper and iron. A slight dip in the floor held what was left of the shallow pool. There were three distinct passages leading from the chamber, and a small silvery stream on the ceiling of one of them beckoned the miners to enter.

"Dibs on that branch," Blah pointed out the silver vein and practically jumped at it. "And yes, we're splitting up. We'll cover more ground that way. Meet me back here once you finish exploring your branch!" He carefully struck the silver with his pickaxe, not even waiting for Hail's response. The pegasus grumbled to himself, climbing down into the more open of the two remaining passages.

When Blah finished extracting the silver, he descended into his own tunnel, his pick slung over his shoulder with one hand and a torch lighting the way in the other. The way was narrow and lifeless, perfect for Blah to seek out and extract every trace of ore undisturbed. Partway through, he began to skip over the copper, seeing it as mostly obsolete by this point. He decided that his first set of armor would be iron, if anything.

Blah had just finished happily mining out another vein of silver, thinking about how heavy a full set of armor might be, when he heard a screech eminate from the darkness ahead. Calmly, he stuck his torch to the wall and pulled out his hammer, holding it in front of him with one hand. A bat flew into the light, heading straight for the light-bearing intruder.

_'This'll be simple,' _resolved Blah confidently. _'A single hit from my hammer should smash it to pieces.'_

Blah waited for the small animal to get close and swung his weapon with as much might as he could muster with the one hand. He didn't get the collision that he expected, however. The bat saw the heavy object coming and flew over it easily, biting Blah on the arm.

_'Ok, that was a fluke,' _Blah thought angrily, flinching. Frustrated, Blah put down his pickaxe and gripped the hammer with his other hand just as another screech signified the arrival of a second bat. He swung again, only for the bat to dodge it just as easily and dive in for another bite. The second bat did the same as Blah attempted to recover his balance, and the screeching intensified while the rest of the flock emerged and swarmed around him.

By the time he finally struck down one bat, a dozen more circled around him, taking turns sinking their teeth into Blah's extremities.

_'You can't be serious!'_ Gritting his teeth to endure the pain, Blah managed to land a hit on another bat. At this rate, there was more bat than empty space around him, so it became more difficult to miss than to hit. However, every time a bat fell out of the air, two more rose in its place. Blah stumbled backwards, frantically swinging back and forth. In the confusion, he hit an unintentional target - the torch on the wall. The light immediately went out, and Blah was blinder than the bats attacking him as he flailed the hammer wildly into the blackness.

"No way... It can't end here..." cried the hammerer, feeling blood trickle down his arms and his sides. He reached for a healing potion that he had smartly tucked away on his belt, wolfing it down, and some of his deeper wounds healed instantly, but he had drunk it too quickly - he was starting to feel a little queasy. He doubled over, finally understanding the mechanic of potion sickness. In his desperation, he resorted to dropping his hammer and swatting at the bats with his bare arms, despite how futile he knew it would be.

He fished out an apple from his pocket and bit into it, hoping that it would have similar effects as a potion with less ill humor, but it only served to further destabilize his stomach. He dropped to one knee, his hammer falling to the floor. This was it, he was done for. Slowly eaten alive by the gnashing of many, many sets of bat teeth, his vision completely impaired from the blinding light.

_'...light?'_

The light receded as quickly as it had appeared. And then it grew again. Blah squinted, and he could make out a thin shape inside the light, which pounded against a bat and sliced off its wing, sending it to the ground, dead. The shimmering object flew back and forth, like the hand of an angel plucking each bat out of the air around him.

Three more bats fell and the crowd was starting to disperse, repelled by the brightness. Blah panted, looking up to see if he could catch a glimpse of his guardian.

The last of the bats flew up a narrow corridor as the thin object returned to an equine silhouette. As the light faded for a final time, the pony replaced the torch on the wall, providing stable light. While Blah's eyes readjusted, he discerned a pair of wings setting his rescuer on the ground.

His eyesight finally restored, allowing him to see who had saved him. "...Hailstorm?!" Blah exclaimed in awe.

"Who did you expect, Fluttershy?" joked Hail, putting away the boomerang into a saddlebag.

"I kinda figured you were too busy with your branch to even pay attention to mine," Blah chuckled nervously, picking up his hammer.

"It was actually really short," Hail explained. "I did find a couple of golden chests in there, though. That boomerang was in one of them."

"And the other?" Blah prompted, straightening his torn and bloodstained clothes.

Hail looked away. "I'll show you when we get back," he said hesitantly.

"Sure thing. I'll be happy to leave this cave..." His stomach having calmed down, Blah carefully drank another potion. "Thanks for the save, bro... er, brony?" Blah attempted, deciding that Hail and his mannerisms deserved a little bit of respect for once.

Hailstorm gave Blah a weird look. "You should probably just leave the pony stuff to the ponies." He turned and started back up the passage. Blah followed, silently heeding his advice.

* * *

><p>Blahsadfeguie and Hailstorm returned to the wooden house to find Applejack and Fluttershy sitting around the raging furnace, indulging in some apple pie and cider. Cody had a slice of pie for himself as well, though he seemed to prefer his chair.<p>

As the mares turned to greet the spelunkers, they couldn't help but gasp at the state of Blah's attire.

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Fluttershy, immediately getting up to check his health. "Are you okay? You look like you've been attacked..."

"I'm fine," Blah reassured her. "I just ran into a huge flock of bats, but thankfully Hail came along just in time and k-"

"-scared them off," Hail interrupted, softening the impact a bit for her sake.

"Yeah. Let's go with that." Blah didn't much see the point in sugarcoating it, since it was either him or them, but he didn't feel like arguing. The apple pie's tantalizing aroma reminded him that he hadn't eaten in a long time. "Hope you don't mind if I dig in," he warned as he hungrily grabbed a slice.

"Aw, shucks, help yourself," allowed Applejack. "I'm just glad you're both all right. Did y'all find anything down there?"

"Oh, hail yes," affirmed Hail enthusiastically, emptying his saddlebags onto the wooden floor.

_'Why is it okay for _him_ to say that kind of stuff?'_ Blah thought jealously as he emptied his backpack as well. Between the two of them, they had created a sizable pile of ore, mostly iron, though there was a fair amount of silver and a few ingots' worth of gold.

"It's so shiny..." said Fluttershy after a while. "...but what do we do with it?"

Blah took a huge bite of the sweet, delicious pie. "Pddnfrn," he muttered with his mouth full, knowing perfectly well that nobody could understand him. After having his moment to savor the expertly-prepared dish, he washed it down with a swig of cider and cleared his throat. "First," he clarified, "we throw it in the furnace!" With the pie in one hand and the glass of cider in the other, Blah gestured at Hail. The pegasus eagerly complied, throwing all of their irons in the fire.

"We... burn it?" questioned the yellow pegasus. "I'm sorry, but do you maybe think we should try to use it instead of throwing it away...?" A confused look from Blah caused her to become quieter. "I mean, it took so long to get and all... you know... eep." She trailed off clumsily while Blah finished his current mouthful.

"It's called 'smelting', you silly foal," Blah said matter-of-factly, internally cringing upon realizing his own casual use of pony terms. "Aren't there any pony miners in Ponyville? Blacksmiths?" Fluttershy shook her head ever-so-slightly, such that Blah almost didn't notice it at first. "Well, you have to separate the usable ore from the useless rock and form it into ingots, so you can work it at an anvil. The only real way to do that is with heat." Setting down his meal for a second, Blah carefully removed the iron bars and showed them to Fluttershy, who leaned back instinctively. "See? Delicious hot metal!" She nodded, and Blah continued with his pie, shaking his head.

Hailstorm silently returned to the smelting, moving on to the silver ore. The luster of the metal reminded Blah of the boomerang that his companion found.

"Oh, hey Hail," Blah called, "what was that other thing you found?"

Hail stopped with a sigh. Reluctantly, he reached into one of his saddlebags. A long, translucent polearm clattered on the floor in front of him.

Blah quickly stuffed the rest of his pie into his mouth before picking up the new weapon, lightly gripping the handle. It was a beautiful, white crystalline lance, about 6 feet long. "This looks like quartz..." said Blah. "You got this from a chest?"

"Yeah," answered Hail. "Same as the boomerang. I figured it would be a great weapon to use from the back of your 'trusty steed'." He still didn't like the sound of that.

"I've never seen this kind of thing in Terraria before..." Blah looked up at Cody. "...is it any good?"

"Find out for yourself," shrugged the guide, resulting in a sour expression from Blah.

He turned the lance around, examining it. He didn't know much about minerals, aside from metals, in the context of Terraria, but he figured that it should hold its own at least.

"Well, it better be good, I almost got crushed by a boulder trying to get to it," Hail said. "Anyway, can we finish making our gear or what?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Blah apologized, turning back to the bar pile. There were only 4 bars of gold, but a decent amount of silver and plenty of iron. "Not much we can do with this gold," Blah explained. "We should save up for a gold pickaxe. We'll make a silver warhammer and crossbow, and some iron armor for the both of us. That should suffice for this quest, anyway. We should also probably give Fluttershy your old copper armor. Applejack can hold her own in a pinch, but Fluttershy could use a bit of extra protection. No offense."

"Oh, none taken," replied Fluttershy gratefully.

Hail muttered something under his breath as he began to take off his armor. He wasn't very fond of Blah, but he did respect the human's wisdom and compassion, as sparse as it was.

"What about me?" asked Cody with that perpetual smirk of his.

"Why should I give you anything?" Blah replied dully, lowering his eyes at him. "You're just going to sit around here and do nothing. Uselessly."

"Good point," agreed Cody with a shrug.

Hail finished removing his copper barding and stretched his limbs and wings, preparing himself for the heavier metal. He handed the helmet to Fluttershy. "Here you go," he offered. "This stuff's not as uncomfortable as it looks, once you get used to it."

"Oh..." Fluttershy's eyes shifted around the room. "Do I have to put it on now...?"

"Might as well," Blah said, looking away from his smithing for a second.

"Let me help you with that, sugarcube," volunteered Applejack, rushing over to her friend. Fluttershy felt a bit better about putting on the gear with her help, and in no time, the yellow pony had on a full suit of orange, slightly oversized armor.

Blah turned around with a newly-forged silver warhammer and crossbow in his hands, and couldn't help but laugh upon seeing Fluttershy. "Hah, that looks silly on you," he chuckled. Fluttershy shrank away with a slight blush, suddenly feeling rather claustrophobic. "But hey, nothing wrong with a bit of silly every now and then," Blah retried. "We gotta keep our morale up for the impending battle. Speaking of which..." He placed the crossbow down next to the iron pony armor. "Have at, Hailstorm!"

Eagerly, yet anxiously, Hail gathered the tougher armor and slipped into it. He could already feel the weight, but as an added test, he started flapping his wings. Achieving a foot or two of height, though not without some difficulty, he loosed a sigh of relief.

"Hope you're ready!" announced Blah, fully armored as well, before immediately hopping onto Hail's back. Caught off guard, Hail collapsed to the ground. The combined weight of all of that metal, plus Blahsadfeguie, kept him pinned to the floor with his legs spread in all directions.

"Ow..." moaned Hail as he struggled to get out from under the human. "If you want to have any chance of riding me back into Ponyville, you'll get off of me right now."

Blah complied, laughing some more. On the other hand, Fluttershy seemed concerned. "Um... do you think you can carry Blah with all of that armor?" she asked. "It looks awfully heavy, on both of you."

"Not if he jumps on me like that," Hail scorned, giving the still-guffawing Blah an unforgiving look. "As long as we're careful and take things slow, I'll be fine." He rolled his eyes, the laughter only now dying down. "I can't really speak for Blah, though..."


	6. Taking Back Equestria

CHAPTER 6: Taking Back Equestria

Blahsadfeguie, Hailstorm, Applejack, and Fluttershy emerged from the Ponyville side of the tunnel, one after the other, for what they hoped would be the last time. From behind the wall of sunflowers, Blah surveyed the landscape. Poking above the treeline of Sweet Apple Acres, he could barely make out the large purple canopy of the library where the corruption had supposedly originated.

"It is time, comrades!" Blah said dramatically, his new weapons and armor granting him more confidence than ever. "Today, we rid Ponyville of the corruption, once and for all, returning its innocent people back to their peaceful ways!"

Hail groaned internally at Blah's overwhelmingly cheesy heroic voice, but he couldn't deny that it was somewhat inspiring.

Applejack stepped forward, raring to go as well. "So, as long as y'all advance slowly and carefully," she proposed, "me and Fluttershy should be able to keep up and handle things on the ground, right?"

"Slowly? Carefully?" repeated Blah in his same over-the-top voice. "As if! We're just going to plow our way through to the library and get it over with! Having to wait for someone on the ground would just slow us down, don't you think?" Applejack grimaced, but Blah continued. "Besides, sending everyone in at once is just begging for trouble. You should probably stay here and stand by, so that on the off-chance that things go badly, you can rush in and rescue us."

Applejack had to think about Blah's take for a moment. "Well... all right," she nodded. "I would rather turn everyone to normal as fast as we can, and if it doesn't work out, it's good to have a backup plan."

"Fluttershy can still come, can't she?" asked Hail. "She can fly, and she does have the armor."

"Oh, that's okay, really," denied Fluttershy, backing into the doorway of the barn. "I could never leave Applejack here alone. And I'm not really a fighter. I would only slow you down even more."

"That is true," Blah bluntly agreed. "We can do this just fine by ourselves, right Hail?"

Although having already accepted the fact, Fluttershy couldn't help but look away slightly at the impact of Blah's rough remark. Applejack put a foreleg around her. "Aw, don't feel bad, sugarcube," she consoled. "Not everypony belongs on the front lines. Sometimes, the supporters are just as important."

Blah remained indifferent. Hail sighed. "Blah, remind me to give you a little talk later," he scolded. "For now, can we please just get to saving Ponyville?"

"Of course," the man replied. He strapped his silver hammer to his back, grasping his lance with both hands. "Now, I want you to go straight for the treehouse, directing me and my lance towards any and all hostiles on the way. The more we take out now, the less we potentially have to deal with later."

"I hope you're not planning to hit _everything_ with that lance," Fluttershy worried. "Remember, we're trying to cure the ponies, not... kill them."

Blah laughed nervously. "Ahaha, yeah, I know that! I'll just give them a smack with the hammer if they get in our way. That should leave them mostly intact, right?"

"Just..." Hail wanted desperately to end this conversation. He figured he'd have no trouble remembering on his own to pick it back up again later. "Just hop on, already, and let's go." He bent his knees, bracing himself as he waited for Blah to mount him.

Blah did so, this time more carefully as to give Hail a chance to take off. Hail began to flap his wings, and, much to everyone's surprise, the two of them gradually rose.

"Think you can keep it up?" questioned Blah, shifting his lance to his dominant hand and holding on with his other.

"Don't worry," panted the pegasus, "the lifting is the hard part. Once we get going, our inertia will carry us."

"Good luck!" called Applejack. "Holler if y'all need us!"

Once Hail reached a comfortable enough height over the purple grass, he accelerated forward at a brisk pace. They were off; Blah and Hail, knight and horse, hammer and crossbow, marching into battle to vanquish evil and save the lives of the innocent.

They didn't have to spend long in the corrupted village before several eaters sprung up, having waited for their opportunity to strike. Hail charged at them one at a time, Blah fine-tuning his aim to run through each one, vanquishing most of them in one strike. Hail had his boomerang at the ready to finish off any stragglers. Together, they managed to eliminate most of their immediate threats on route to the giant tree near the center of town.

Blah had never felt more alive. This was an experience far from that of the game of Terraria he had originally played, and yet it still felt like a video game that he had suddenly figured out how to conquer. He was so engrossed in destroying all in his path that he nearly forgot to lower his weapon when a corrupted pegasus swooped at them.

Luckily, Hail caught Blah and dove abruptly out of the way, snapping the human back to reality. "The hammer, Blah!" Hail forcefully reminded him. "If anything, use the hammer!"

Blah reached for his hammer, but paused as he spotted another small group of eaters approaching rapidly. _'Dang, I can't waste time swapping weapons every two seconds,' _he thought. _'I'll have to dual wield...' _He quickly switched his lance to his left hand, drawing his hammer in his right. Hailstorm also decided to switch to his crossbow, firing a few shots at the distant eaters while he dodged around the pegasus. With one solid swing, Blah smashed the wing of the corrupted pony, sending them to the ground in a non-lethal fashion.

With their strategy sorted out, Hail flew higher in the air, evading the malicious earth ponies and unicorns below entirely. He unloaded several bolts into oncoming eaters while Blah smacked away anything that got too close.

A barrel shot into the air, surrounded by tainted magic. A few unicorns had the idea of using their magic as anti-air defenses. The barrel socked Hail right in the jaw. "Ow! Hey!" he shouted. "Blah, watch out for projectiles from below!"

Blah looked down in time to see a cart full of pies and cupcakes heading straight for them. Blah, expecting a more conventional projectile, was confused, leaving it up to Hail to swerve out of the way. Blah hastily swung his hammer just as it came within range, causing the cart to explode into a cloud of wooden planks which fell back down to the ground. A pie kept going and hit Blah in the face.

"Argh, I can't see!" muffled Blah. "It's delicious, but I can't _see_!" Thanks to his supposedly clever dual-wielding tactic, any attempts to remove the pie with his occupied hands resulted in his weapons getting in the way.

Hail was forced to pull out his crossbow to hold off some more eaters while Blah used his tongue to knock the pie off of his face. It bounced off of Hail's head, causing him to miss a shot. The Eater of Souls was heading straight for them.

Blah managed to wipe the excess pie filling off of his face with the edge of his sleeve just in time to react to the derelict eater, stabbing it with his lance. With a flick of his wrist, the dead being was flung off of the lance and sent at an oncoming corrupt pegasus, buying Blah enough time to whack it out of the sky with his hammer.

"There's the library..." Hail pointed out. The large, hollowed-out tree that served as the town's library was practically glowing with an aura of chilling death. It was easily the most evil structure in Ponyville.

"Oh yeah, there's our ticket," Blah affirmed. "Land us on the balcony."

Hail nodded and swooped down for a landing. Before they could get near, a one-eyed ten-foot worm, with a head closely resembling the eaters, leaped out of the ground and lunged at Hail. The pegasus instinctively ducked under the sudden threat, putting Blah in the perfect position to run through half of the behemoth's body segments in one swift thrust of his lance. Blah watched it collapse to the ground.

"Hey, if you picked up that Devourer's teeth, we could probably use them to make unholy bolts," Blah pointed out.

"No time," Hail refused as he closed in on the balcony. "We're already here, and haven't we done enough 'upgrading' already?"

Blah had nothing to say to that. They landed, and the doors were already open. Blah dismounted, granting Hail much needed relief, and the two entered the upper room of the library.

Much like the exterior of the tree, the wooden floors and walls of the room had turned purple and partially rotten. With the sun dimmed and the room deserted, there was little light with which to see. Some of the weakened bookshelves had collapsed under the weight of the books. The bed was in a state of utter disarray, and some of the tables had toppled over, indicating that a brief struggle had taken place at some point.

"I've been waiting for you, Blahsadfeguie... and Hailstorm..."

The voice echoed throughout the building, but there was not a soul to be seen. The voice sounded familiar to both Blah and Hail. It was feminine and profound, but with a dark undertone they hadn't heard before.

"Oh God, don't tell me..." Blah whispered as the stairs creaked, slowly and patiently.

The first thing that the adventurers saw was a horn, indicating that the pony that ascended the stairs was a unicorn. Her coat was a dark purple, and her mane was black as night, striped with magenta. Her eyes were completely white and her cutie mark was a large six-pointed star. Although the color scheme was different, Blah and Hail easily recognized the unicorn before them. They were both well aware of her magical capabilities, and dreaded to see them used for evil purposes.

"I have consumed this region, and the souls of all within," the unicorn spoke. "And I will not stop until the entire world has surrendered its souls to me. For being so foolish to come here... you two will be next!"

Hail hovered in the air, his crossbow at the ready. Blah held his ground, putting away his lance for the time being and gripping his warhammer with both hands. It was clear that Twilight Sparkle was nowhere near her right mind.

"Twilight," Hail pleaded, putting off fighting what used to be the good-natured and well-respected scholar, "I know you're still in there. You can't let this corruption consume you! You have to fight it! Think of all the innocent lives, your neighbors and friends, you're hurting!"

Blah hardly believed that he was seeing that sort of tactic with his own eyes. "Hail, I don't know if that's going to work," he warned the pegasus.

The corrupted unicorn cackled evilly, unfazed by Hail's speech. "Believe me, the Twilight you know is long gone. Her only salvation from the corruption... is death!"

Both of them were reluctant to fight, retaining some hope that whatever possessed Twilight was lying, but they didn't have much of a choice at this point. They watched her closely, waiting for her to make the first move.

Despite their concentration, Twilight had already managed to elude their sights. Before either of them could begin to look around, Blah felt a hard kick from his back and was knocked to the ground. It didn't take him long to realize that Twilight had teleported behind him for a surprise attack.

As Blah peeled himself off of the floor, thankful for his new armor, Hail swiftly shot a bolt from his silver crossbow. But before it could hit its mark, Twilight disappeared again and flip-kicked Hail from above, slamming him through the upper floor of the library.

She landed deftly and turned towards Blah, who was on his feet again and charging with the hammer. He swung, but he still hadn't gotten the hang of Twilight's strategy yet. She appeared behind him again and swept under his feet, grounding him again, and then she proceeded to surround him with telekinetic energy.

Unable to move, Blah could only panic as he was helplessly tossed around the room, slamming into bookshelves and other furniture. _'Now I... know how a... ragdoll feels,' _he thought between bursts of pain.

Hail recovered as quickly as he could, driven by his desire to stop the vile forces in control of the town. Pulling out his boomerang, he flew up through the hole in the floor. Watching Blah getting beaten like that was a gruesome sight, which only served to strengthen his throw. With her back turned, Twilight was unable to keep from being clocked in the head, causing her to lose her concentration. Blah flopped to the ground, his entire being limp yet still conscious.

She turned her head at Hail, the sheer coldness of her stare freezing Hail in place. Blah stood up dizzily, practically leaping at Twilight from behind, but she easily saw this coming and bucked him right in the jaw, causing him to flip over and crash.

By the time Hail finally regained his senses and drew back his boomerang, Twilight's horn glowed again. He threw the boomerang, hoping to ruin her concentration, but it was deflected by a book tossed in from the side. Hail raised an eyebrow, but soon he registered what was happening - the entirety of the library's stock was swirling around the room, creating a book tornado which gained speed rapidly.

The books pelted Blah and Hail over and over, eventually removing both of their iron helmets, not to mention Blah's glasses. The barrage did not end there. Both heroes were driven to the ground, at which point Twilight gathered all of the books into two large lumps and slammed them into each of her foes.

"You didn't spend enough time hitting the books," Twilight boasted, "so it looks like they've had to hit you!"

Blah wasn't sure what hurt worse - the impact from all the heavy books, or Twilight's terrible taunt. With newfound resolve, Blah reached around the books in which he was buried and snatched a potion from his belt, chugging it. He exploded out of the book pile with his returned strength. "Hey, making bad jokes is _my _thing." He pulled out his lance, dual-wielding again, and glared vengefully into Twilight's blank eyes. "I'm done going easy on you."

"Your soul is quite feisty," commented Twilight. "And feisty is my favorite flavor."

She galloped at Blah, lunging at the last second. Blah wound up and swung his hammer to intercept her, but she had anticipated this, teleporting behind him just before the hammer would have struck its target.

_'Fool me once, shame on you,'_ thought Blah, as he followed through with the hammer's momentum, spinning all the way around and bashing her in the side. With a satisfying wham, Blah had just scored the first solid connection in the entire match.

Twilight stumbled backward clumsily, one of her forelegs having been dislocated from the blow. Even so, she didn't visibly react to the pain - she merely popped it back into place, pivoted a few times, and proceeded once again to charge.

Blah cringed. He knew Twilight was possessed, but he couldn't imagine anyone simply shrugging off such a painful injury. He regained himself as he pulled out the lance and held it straight out, knowing that she wouldn't be dumb enough to run right into it. He had his hammer poised and ready in case she tried to relocate herself again.

There was one strategy he didn't count on, however. Instead of evading or teleporting, Twilight grabbed the lance telekinetically and yanked it straight out of Blah's grasp. Caught off-guard, Blah couldn't stop her from continuing on to pounce into him and knock him over. She trampled him, hopping past him with the lance in tow and turned around, waiting for him to get back up.

Blah hopped to his feet, quite upset at this point. He prepared to charge her himself, but froze up when he saw that Twilight had positioned the lance right over herself as if some kind of ghost knight were on her back. The thought of being impaled by his own weapon didn't really appeal to Blah.

Hail finally managed to punch a hole through his own book pile, just in time to see Twilight start charging. He chugged down a potion of his own, thankful that Blah had given him one before entering the Corruption, and rushed ahead with a well-aimed boomerang.

The boomerang collided with the lance just as Blah was about to attempt to dive away, causing her to lose hold of it long enough for Blah to snatch it up in his hands. He spun away from the charging unicorn, who was now preoccupied with skidding to a halt behind him.

Not one to waste an opportunity such as this, the first thing he did was flip the lance around and stab behind himself between his arm and left side. Some slight resistance told him that his prediction had been spot-on, and when he retracted his weapon, he heard a large object flop to the ground behind him, coupled with some anguished sputtering.

He refused to turn around and survey his handiwork, but there was no need; he knew that he had just inflicted a mortal wound on the corrupted unicorn. What he wasn't certain of was whether or not he had done the right thing.

Blah glanced up at Hailstorm, whose gaze was transfixed on their unfortunate opponent behind him. "Blah..." Hail was practically speechless.

The man sighed. As much as the thought of looking sickened him, he had to at least be certain that whatever spirit dwelled within her was slain as well. Gulping, he craned his head around, letting the collapsed pony come into view.

The wound had been a clean, deep stab from the stomach and through the ribcage, through which fresh blood slowly pooled out. Blah felt something creep up in the back of his throat. Fighting to keep his senses, he examined the body closer. Sure enough, the dark colors had just finished draining, leaving Twilight looking more or less just as he remembered, albeit slightly pale. Blah also noticed that she was still breathing heavily and her eyes were half-open, still conscious. _'The spirit is gone... There's still hope...'_ Blah thought as he hastily reached into his backpack.

"Twilight... I'm sorry..." Hail started, rushing to her side.

She coughed. "It's not your fault..." she reassured him, her voice strained and quiet. "Blame... him... the Eater of Worlds..."

The name didn't surprise Blah in the slightest. The Eater of Worlds was the boss of the Corruption, which he had killed many times over during his Terraria career. Hail, however, was a little bit intimidated.

"But... We didn't mean to..."

Twilight gazed weakly up at Hail. "It had to be done."

_'It doesn't have to end this way...'_ Blah thought, fishing for the last lesser healing potion in his bag. He brushed past stone, wood, and slime gel before his hand clasped around a glass bottle. "Aha!" He yanked it out and dashed to Twilight. "Drink this, quickly!"

"Oh right... Forgot about that..." Hail exhaled a sigh of relief as Twilight drank the potion unquestioningly. The wound promptly closed. Twilight shakily placed her hooves underneath her, and Hail quickly helped her stand up. It wasn't a complete heal by any means, but the potion had saved her life.

"Thank you..." said Twilight. "I was afraid I'd have to accept my fate... but it looks like you've thought of everything!"

"Hmm, clever little foals you are..."

The three looked up. Hovering above Twilight was a darkened ball of pulsating energy, with two stubby arm-like appendages and two large, red eyes. "You get to have your cake, and eat it too! But the cake isn't true just yet!"

"Uh..." Blah scratched his head. For the first time since his arrival, Blah had been completely clueless. This entity was not something that he knew existed in either Terraria or Equestria. Judging from Hail's wide-eyed expression, Blah was not alone, but Twilight certainly recognized the spirit.

"That's what you think. I won't fall for your sinister tricks again, and this time I have assistance! It's over, Ipsus!"

_'Ipsus?!'_ Blah repeated in his head. Unlike his own, this name clicked, opening a small treasure trove of memories. He recalled spending a lot of time in his younger days experimenting with writing fiction, and Ipsus was one of the many characters he had created. A spirit in the form of a small orb, he had the ability to possess any living being, provided his will could overpower that of his victim. However, he had a knack for fooling them into accepting his dominance regardless.

Ipsus laughed. "Oh, but it has only just begun, my dear mare."

Blah's mouth wrinkled. If a character of his own creation appeared in this strange world, there was no telling what other kinds of things it had. Were elements of other fictional worlds involved? Were there more of his own creations, or the creations of others? There was no way to tell for sure without exploring further himself, but something about Ipsus struck his curiosity.

"...if I may ask a question," Blah interrupted, "before you proceed to devour our souls or whatever, why have you suddenly become so evil? Last I remember, you were a neutral spirit, whose only goals were to cause harmless mischief and pranks."

"I'm glad you asked," laughed Ipsus. "You see, power isn't something that wants to be taken for granted. Power is something that I've had for a while, ever since you created me. The power to overtake, to consume the very essence of any living being. I grew an appetite, Blahsadfeguie. A hunger for souls. And I won't rest until I have satiated that craving!"

The response shocked Blah, as it was not something he expected to hear from his character. On top of that, Ipsus was apparently aware that Blah had created him, a fact that was truly astonishing.

"Wait, wait," exclaimed Twilight, somewhat angrily. "You _created_ this monster?!"

A knot formed in the pit of Blah's stomach as he felt the credibility he had just gained slip away. "Well, sort of," Blah muttered. "But I had no idea he was even _real_, let alone that he would turn evil!"

"Uh, guys," Hailstorm cut in, "Might want to keep an eye on the evil spirit..."

Everyone looked at where Ipsus used to be. He wasn't there anymore.

The ground shook. The floor suffered from yet another hole as something huge sprouted out of it, something massive, purple, and wormlike, with each segment on its body having multiple eyes. The only difference between the individual segments and its head was the two gigantic mandibles sprouting from it, which twitched hungrily. Ipsus's voice boomed from deep within it.

"Behold... my loyal servant, The Eater of Worlds!"


	7. Souls  All You Can Eat Special

CHAPTER 7: Souls - All You Can Eat Special

The Eater of Worlds lumbered over the three heroes, its many eyes trained on them like an anxious cat watching a group of mice. Twilight Sparkle and Hailstorm, despite having gotten used to the grotesque, sinister motif of the Corruption's monsters, still trembled in fear beneath the intimidating beast.

Even Blahsadfeguie nearly fainted at the sight of it. He had seen and fought the Eater of Worlds many times before, but only as a collection of pixels on a computer screen. With the boss of the Corruption now taking up most of his vision, he was nearly as frightened as the ponies were. Seeing its prey cowering below it, the giant worm let loose a deafening roar.

Blah quickly looked down at his weapons. Dual-wielding would only prove tedious here, and he knew Twilight had no physical means of defending herself. "You should probably take this," he decided, handing the unicorn his Quartz Lance.

She picked up the lance with her telekinesis again, wielding it consciously for the first time. She couldn't even remember the last time she had so much as looked at a real weapon. Fighting monsters wasn't something she enjoyed doing, but no amount of pacifism could get her out of this mess.

"Watch out!" cried Blah, snapping Twilight back to attention just in time for her to register the massive head of the Eater crashing down above her. She jumped away at the last second, the beast creating another hole in the floor. Having such a long body, it could barely turn around without feeding the rest of it into the hole it had just made. Blah spotted this as an opportunity to strike. "Now's our chance!" he shouted, raising his hammer. "Attack!"

Blah smashed as many segments as he could, with Hail unloading his bolts as rapidly as he could reload them, and Twilight apprehensively stabbing at it. Unfortunately, the creature's thick hide allowed it to withstand the onslaught in one piece as it emerged in a different place, breaking apart yet more of the library. This barely missed Hail, who reflexively shot up against the ceiling and stayed there.

Quickly running through his options, the man remembered the one part of the boss that was weaker than the rest. "Aim for the head!" Blah ordered, putting his all into a single swing which cracked against the creature's mandible, causing it to sway off course. Closing her eyes in anticipation, Twilight lanced through the bottom of the head, coming out through the top quite gruesomely. She could barely watch her own attacks.

The Eater roared, and careened straight for Hail. He lined up his crossbow carefully, firing a perfect shot straight into its mouth. But the pressure was too much for him. The Eater snatched up Hail like a fork would a lone pea, crushing the squirming pegasus between its mandibles.

Twilight winced, hesitating. Blah growled, not about to let his ally get eaten. He lunged at the Eater's head before it could dive back underground with his pegasus friend in tow. He gave it a massive golf swing, bursting the head into several chunks and freeing Hail in the process.

The colt slid across the ground. Groaning, he stood up slowly, looking down at himself to double check that he had survived. His armor had saved him from being crunched in two. "Wow... I thought I was done for..."

"Don't let your guard down yet!" shouted Blah, fixated on what remained of the Eater of Worlds. "He's far from beat!"

Confused, Hail glanced back up at the Eater, and jumped when he saw that it still had a head. The segment directly below the Eater's previous head had sprouted mandibles and was now diving straight for Twilight.

"Eek!" Twilight squealed, desperately thrusting the lance forward and driving it straight through the Eater's bottomless mouth. It remained unfazed, despite the visible damage, and relentlessly pursued its original target.

Blah lunged at the worm's new head, determined not to let it make a meal out of anyone. His warhammer slammed down onto the Eater of Worlds, forcing it back through the ground mere inches from where Twilight stood, waiting in panic.

The Eater's body shuffled through the ground, and the floor creaked. Everyone came to the same conclusion: they would have to move very soon, ideally taking the fight into the outside air, before the floor gave out from under them. Blah figured that Hail would have no problem giving him a lift this time, but that didn't account for Twilight.

"Twilight," Blah called, thinking quickly, "Can you levitate yourself?"

"I..." Twilight was taken aback slightly as she tried to come back to her senses. "Maybe, but probably not for very long... It'd be more efficient to teleport anywhere I need to be."

Blah considered this for a moment as he approached Hail, who hesitantly yet understandingly bent down to let the human mount him. "Well, if you can't help out from the air, try to stay on the rooftops," Blah advised. "Touching the corruption again would be a bad idea."

Twilight nodded, casting a quick spell to disappear. Hail took off and flew out of the balcony with Blah in tow.

Hail circled the library, waiting for the Eater to show itself again. Twilight stood by on the canopy, balancing on one of the higher branches. Blah watched the unicorn worriedly. _'I hope she knows what she's doing,' _he thought.

The Eater of Worlds didn't take long to show up again, bursting out of the earth in front of the library, rather than inside it. Hail immediately opened fire with his crossbow. The Eater soared into the air, propelled by its lower sections still emerging from underground.

A brief light glistened from the Eater's head as it exposed itself to the sun. It was at that point that Twilight realized she had left the lance sticking out of its mouth.

Blah recognized it as well. Whether it was for him or Twilight, the lance would do no one any good stuck inside the creature like that. "Bring me closer, we need that lance," he told his mount.

"Closer?!" Hail repeated in disbelief, none too thrilled with the idea of getting close to that thing again. However, the Eater of Worlds soon spotted the two of them and locked on, meaning they'd soon be too close for comfort either way. "If you say so..." he said uneasily as he began to charge.

_'Ok, Hailstorm, stay cool,'_ thought the pegasus to himself, biting back his hesitation and fear for as long as he could.

The two zoomed closer and closer to each other. Blah focused himself, stretching out his arm and flexing his fingers. "When I give the signal, turn away," he instructed. The worm's jaws opened wide to accommodate them both. It took Blah and Hail all of their courage to stay trained on the shining prize.

"Now!" Blah shouted preemptively, giving Hail enough time to react. Blah felt the handle touch his hand, and he clasped down firmly just as Hail swerved sharply to the right. The lance twisted in the Eater's body for a bit until it was wrenched loose, causing even more damage to it.

When he believed he had reached a safe distance from the worm, Hail turned around and stopped, panting heavily. Blah's eyes did not leave the Eater of Worlds for even a moment, and he watched as it started to dive underground again. The rear end of the worm was still emerging from its original hole, leaving a large portion of its body exposed. "All right, we got a straight shot on it," he observed, straightening his lance. "Take us just underneath the arc."

Hail gulped, taking a moment to regain himself. With the Eater's head underground, he found it a lot easier to summon the courage to approach. He swooped down towards the exposed segments, gaining speed rapidly thanks to gravity. Blah held the lance back, ready to thrust it forward.

Suddenly, the Eater's head burst back out of the ground, directly underneath both of them and rising rapidly. Blah was too focused on lancing the segments in front of him to notice, but Hail caught sight of the beast's mandibles below him and panicked. He instinctively performed an evasive barrel roll to avoid getting snatched up a second time, only realizing afterward that he had lost his passenger in the confusion.

Before he knew what was going on, Blah was falling towards the Eater, lined up directly with its mouth. It opened wide, and all Blah saw was the bottomless, darkened pit that was its gullet. From deep within the beast, Blah could hear the demonic laughter of Ipsus, cackling at the thought of wolfing down the soul of his own creator.

Hail searched the air for his fumbled rider, practically losing altitude from the weight that dropped into his stomach when his eyes fell upon Blah, who was seconds away from being devoured. He could only watch in horror, knowing that there was no way that he could so much as move Blah out of the way in time, and making such an attempt would probably result in his own demise as well.

_'Welp,'_ thought Blah, closing his eyes and bracing for impact, _'Something tells me I won't respawn from this one...'_

* * *

><p>Blah felt a tug, and a disruption in the rushing air around him. His anticipated end never came.<p>

He opened his eyes and saw that he had somehow shifted a few feet sideways, causing him to fall next to the Eater rather than into it.

Flabbergasted, Blah edged over to the side of the Eater and clung onto it with one arm and both legs. _'This thing is even nastier up close,' _he discovered, shuddering slightly from touching the Eater's rotten hide. Shaking it off, he took his lance and drove it right into one segment, piercing all the way to the other side. He repeatedly stabbed the same segment over and over until it split apart.

The Eater of Worlds was now two. The head of the new half grew mandibles just as the first, and the bottom of the old half closed off and formed a new tail.

Blah realized he was now uncomfortably close to the head of one of the halves.

He felt another tug, and this time with his eyes open he could see a faint magenta aura surrounding him. He looked up to see Twilight pulling the strings from the library roof. At that distance, Blah imagined that it must have been difficult to aim the levitation spell, let alone carry something of his size, but she could at least give him a helpful shove when he needed it.

Blah gave Twilight a quick salute and grabbed onto another segment of the new half, continuing the assault with his crystalline weapon.

Hail breathed a slow sigh of relief, glad that they had a unicorn on their side. The feeling was cut short, however, when he spotted the former upper half of the Eater of Worlds dive-bombing him from the air.

Staring into the soulless eye and starving mouth of the relentless demon was enough to nearly make Hail drop his crossbow. After some fumbling, he somehow managed to get it upright in time to fire a shot straight into its throat. He couldn't bear to watch the aftermath.

The bolt entered the Eater's mouth and pierced through multiple sections before escaping through a segment near the middle. Hail opened his eyes again to witness the Eater crashing back into the ground just in front of him, halted by the unexpected force of the bolt.

As the boss disappeared into yet another tunnel, Hail fired another bolt and saw why his last one had been so effective. Twilight had locked on to each bolt as it left the crossbow, her magic vastly increasing its speed and accuracy. It pierced the same segment, splitting the Eater again.

With the stabbings that Blah administered, the Eater was now in four pieces, all fully functional and equally hungry. Blah kicked off of the Eater before it could snap at him, taking a short fall the rest of the way and landing safely on the ground. He felt the corruption try to spread into his being, but his near-death experience with the core of the corruption itself made this feel like nothing in comparison.

He spotted Hailstorm in the sky and waved his arms wildly, trying to get his attention. As soon as the pegasus saw him, he wasted no time in swooping down to retrieve his human friend. "When does this thing ever die?!" asked Hail, nearing exhaustion.

"We have to destroy every segment," replied Blah as he climbed back onto Hail. "It's the only way."

With a deep sigh, Hail returned to the air and increased in altitude before one of the smaller worms could take the easy target. Hail watched as one emerged where Blah had been moments prior. Seeing its reduced length gave him an idea. He soared higher, even above the library, and watched as none of the segments could even come close to reaching him.

"Hey, this isn't so bad!" he exclaimed, readying his crossbow so he could rain death upon the worms which clambered below uselessly.

Although he didn't get to be a part of the action, Blah could always appreciate a creative solution to a tough problem. He beamed at the pony's exploitative strategy. "Brilliant!" he commented. "I can't believe we didn't think of this before!"

While Hail took shots at his own leisure, Blah noticed that the Eaters were starting to make their way towards the library. At first, he was amused, as he knew that there was nowhere in town from which the remnants of the boss could reach them, but his smile faded when he remembered who was on top of the half-destroyed tree. Eaters burst out of the bark and through the leaves, gunning straight for Twilight Sparkle, who struggled to maintain her footing in the canopy.

"Oh, of course they would," lamented Blah. "We need to get over there, fast!"

Hail sped off towards the roof of the crumbling library, where Twilight stood, looking around frantically for an escape route.

"Twilight, catch!" Blah tossed the quartz lance in Twilight's direction as Hail got close. She managed to catch it with her horn, and she spun it around to face the Eater again.

With Twilight armed, Hail circled the structure to fire some more bolts onto the Eaters in the hopes that it would cease before the library was completely destroyed. One of them split in two again, but another mouth meant they would only chew through the wood faster. At this rate, the library would soon collapse, bringing Twilight down with it.

One of the Eaters managed to burst through the roof, the mandible slicing across Twilight's flank, creating a gash, and it soared straight for Blah and Hail using the extra altitude.

"I'll handle this one myself," Blah said, raising his hammer. "Twilight needs the help, so keep them off her! Just stay still!"

Hail froze, hesitating at Blah's instructions. He wasn't so sure that Blah fully knew what he was doing. Could he really stop the Eater of Worlds from swallowing both of them whole?

The pegasus ducked under the worm, nearly throwing his unsuspecting rider off of him again. He couldn't bring himself to face that voracious jaw head-on again, after all of the close calls.

"What are you doing?!" Blah shouted, clinging onto Hail for dear life. "I could've done some serious damage to that thing!"

"You know, Blah," Hail angrily voiced, taking out his frustration by peppering Twilight's assailants with bolts, "You're just too reckless with the lives of others. You nearly _killed_ Twilight earlier, and you certainly didn't seem to want to hold back against those corrupted ponies. I don't think I can trust you with anyone else's life, especially not my own."

"W-well, I..." Blah stopped, speechless. Looking back, it was true that he often completely overlooked the safety of the lives he was trying to protect. "I-It's not like I _want_ to see them dead... I'm trying to save everyone in the end, and so far nobody actually died under my watch! And I've saved your life multiple times since we've met! Isn't that good enough?" While his tone began sounding mortified, it quickly shifted into a defensive one.

"Look, Blah," said Hail, glancing back at him for a moment before returning to shooting, "I know you mean well, but you take too many risks when you can't afford the consequences. So far, you've gotten away with it, but what if one of your plans backfires? What will you do then?"

"Can we talk about this some other time?" Blah pleaded, desperate to take his mind off of the possibility of his failure. "When you said you'd be having a talk with me later, I didn't think it would be in the middle of battle." He heard Hail grumble quietly, obviously not satisfied. "Now, we'll never make any headway on this thing if we do nothing but shoot tiny needles at it. Suck it up and take us in so I can wail on it with my hammer."

Hail took a deep breath, trying his best not to let Blah's undermining of his own abilities get to him. Giant bits of bark and branches fell off of the library one after another as the Eaters swarmed Twilight. He saw the Unicorn fumble around, unable to do any more than dodge Ipsus's constant onslaught. _'If nothing else,' _Hail thought, putting his grievances aside, _'this is for Twilight, and all of Ponyville. Not just Blah.'_

With a somewhat intentionally violent jerk, Hail swooped down towards the canopy of the library. Blah held on tight with one hand as he readied his weapon with the other. One of the longer worms poised itself above Twilight, who was distracted by two others. The hammerman took advantage of all the inertia granted by Hail's trajectory to violently slam the threatening one backwards, its current head splitting into several chunks. He swung again at the newly sprouted head as it spiraled back towards the ground. Hail was able to get the attention of the worms harassing Twilight with a few bolts, freeing her up to finally propel the lance at one of them, splitting the entire thing in twain.

The three of them had little time to celebrate, however. There was a resounding creak, and the decimated tree finally succumbed to gravity. Twilight made a jump for a neighboring roof and teleported the rest of the way onto it. Seeing that the unicorn was all right, Hailstorm flew out of the way with ease.

The Eaters immediately changed course and rocketed towards Twilight's new perch. Hail zoomed in closer, pulling out his boomerang. He fired, aiming straight between two segments, which was boosted in power by the ever-helpful Twilight. The boomerang sliced through like a hot knife through butter.

"Now that's more like it!" exclaimed Blah as the remaining eaters burrowed simultaneously, presumably to regroup. "We'll have this thing beat in no time!" _'At the expense of half of Ponyville, that is...'_ he added in his mind. _'Let's hope I don't have to reimburse the town for any property damage...'_

The first Eater re-emerged from underground, and all three of them were ready for it, being just out of reach of the longest worm. Hail hovered just at the Eater's anticipated peak, but his heart sank when it kept going upward. The mouths of the broken segments had clamped onto the tails of others, more or less making a creature of similar length to the original and catching all of them completely off-guard.

"What the-!" Blah shouted, having never seen this tactic before. He had no right to question it, though. "Get out of the way!" he ordered in a panic.

Hail was way ahead of him. He dove to the side, watching the again-massive thing rise before him.

Blah swung his hammer like a baseball bat, splitting up the segment again and causing the smaller first half sticking straight up in the air to cascade downward, crashing into the ground in reverse and squashing itself with its own weight. The other half curved around and entered the ground again.

The fighters really had to keep on their toes now, because they had no idea where the beast would emerge, or in how many pieces. Suspense grew as they surveyed the wrecked landscape that the Eaters had abused many times over during the fight.

Twilight felt the house below her shaking violently, and knew that she was the next target. She crouched down, ready to move. Sure enough, the Eater soon came blasting through the roof, shattering it. Twilight had just enough time to leap away and stab at it with her lance.

"Stay focused," Blah warned Hail, noticing that this segment was rather short. "There's plenty more where that came from." The rest of it launched upward from the ground near the house, and curved around to come crashing down on top of it where Twilight stood. As he had guessed, the first segment was indeed a distraction. Hail swooped in to intercept it, thinking that they had stayed on top of Ipsus's strategy, and Blah prepared for a heavy strike once more.

The pegasus failed to notice a third, tiny segment appearing with perfect timing right under him. Hail was too close to the ground to avoid getting chomped on, and it dragged him and Blah down.

"Aah!" screamed Hail, helpless against the mandibles' grasp. Thinking quickly, Blah leaped off of the pegasus and did a passing swing on the segment, breaking it apart and landing awkwardly on the ground. While Hail tended to his injuries and caught his breath, Blah glanced up at the rooftop where the majority of the Eater was still heading straight for Twilight.

"Twilight, above you!" shouted Blah, and Twilight heard just in time. She teleported above the main segment, standing on top of the lance as it dropped onto and through the main body, tearing apart many segments simultaneously.

The Eater roared in pain, now reduced to a few small segments. The house on which Twilight stood was miraculously still standing as the remainder of the Eater of Worlds tunneled into the ground once more.

Blah had enough time to examine his partner's wounds. Both of his back legs had moderately deep cuts. "You all right?" Blah asked, wishing he had brought just one more potion.

"Oh, _now_ you care," muttered Hail, carefully walking over to the human despite the pain. "Just get on. Don't worry, I don't need these legs to fly."

Blah climbed delicately onto Hail's back, dismissing the stallion's evaluation of his carelessness as exaggeration. The two ascended for what they both hoped would be the last time in this battle. All of the remaining partitions emerged at once, surrounding the two before they could get much higher in the air. There were five in total.

Hail shot one of them through its core, finishing it off as Blah knocked out a second one with his hammer. Twilight, focusing the last of her magical efforts, seized a third with her horn and drove it into a fourth, killing them both.

One tiny Eater remained. Blah leaped off of Hail again, hammer held high. Using everything he knew about angular momentum, he brought his limbs close so that his body initiated a series of front-flips. His hammer collided with the final Eater with significant force, causing it to explode. The last of the rotten chunks scattered along the ground.

Blah landed unceremoniously on his back, sprawling out among the greenish sludge that composed the creature's innards. "Owww..." he groaned. "So much for an awesome landing."

Already, the grass around him began to fade back to its original, lush green. Twilight laughed exhaustively, teleporting back down to ground level, and Hail unleashed his held breath as he landed as well.

"Hey, we saved the town," Twilight reassured Blah, helping him up. "That's awesome enough in my book!"

"Most of it, you mean," Blah said as he retrieved his hammer, slinging it over his shoulder and looking upon the ruins of the library. "That building looked like one of a kind... can it even be replaced?"

"We'll worry about that later," answered Twilight. "We should probably get Hailstorm patched up..." She glanced over at the pegasus, who stared unhappily at the blood trickling down his legs, unsure what to do.

"We can take care of him." Blah looked up to see Fluttershy and Applejack quickly arriving on the scene. Fluttershy had apparently gained possession of a healing potion and was rushing it over to the injured pony.

Breathing a sigh of relief, the human watched as the town slowly converted back to its normal colors as the corruption's iron choke-hold loosened. The corrupted ponies that had gathered to watch the fight were becoming their bright, colorful selves again.

A faded dark spirit emerged from the wreckage of his servant, weakened and broken.

"No..." cried Ipsus. "No way... The corruption... My source of power... I spent all I had on that worm..."

Blah glared sternly at the dying spirit. He finally had him right where he wanted him. "All right, you've had your fun," he growled, strolling indignantly up to Ipsus. "Now it's time for you to tell me everything you know. Where did you come from, and how did I end up here?"

Ipsus chuckled evilly. Despite his weakness, he still had an air of confidence about him. "I don't have to tell you anything... so all I'm going to say is... you may have won this battle, but you haven't seen the last of... US!"

Blah made an angry grab for Ipsus, but he had already faded to nothing, his final laughs echoing throughout the town.

The last trace of the corruption gone, the ponies crowded gratefully around the heroes, all of them offering their thanks at once, as well as asking various questions. However, all Blah could think about was the spirit's last words. Was Ipsus simply a part of a larger organization? And what did Blah have to do with them? Did they bring him here, and if so, why?

And then, it dawned on him. He had just vanquished a corrupted spirit and its demonic minions to save an entire town. Not even a week in this new world, and he was a hero in the eyes of many. Amidst all the cheering, he began to wonder if it even mattered where he came from or how he got there. It was clear that this world needed a hero, and if he could fit that role, perhaps that was where he belonged.

Or maybe he just got lucky. He couldn't rule out that possibility either, but when a town full of ponies collectively share their gratitude, why complain?

Blah loudly cleared his throat, enticing the crowd to quiet down for a moment. "I am Blahsadfeguie," he proudly proclaimed, high on the energy of hundreds of souls, "and when I'm in town, evil doesn't stand a chance!" As he held his hammer skyward and donned a heroic grin, the crowd roared, attempting to chant his full given name. When that failed, they resolved to simply "Blah! Blah!"

Hailstorm slammed his face into the dirt, muttering something that was lost in the noise and probably better off that way.


	8. Return to Abnormality

Chapter 8: Return to Abnormality

The cheering had eventually died down under Twilight's request to begin fixing the damage from the corruption and that final battle. Blah picked a nearly park bench on which to rest while the ponies enthusiastically started on rebuilding their town. Aside from the library and surrounding structures, most of the buildings were still in decent shape.

Occasionally, a pony would approach Blah and ask a few questions or offer him food and drink, which he gladly accepted. Before long, he had a small pile of various baked and confectionery goods, and a large glass of root beer.

"Homebrewed root beer is just the best," mused Blah between giant gulps. "I can't even remember the last time I had root beer this awesome. You've just earned yourself a new regular customer!" he praised the drink-bearing unicorn, who was overjoyed.

He continued snacking, watching as Twilight planted a sizable acorn in the spot where the library used to be. He was in the process of estimating how long a tree might take to grow to the size of her library when he was interrupted by yet another pony's voice.

"Pardon me, sir... Blahsadfeguie, was it?"

He glanced down at the bespectacled, dark-coated earth stallion, who had trouble maintaining eye contact in the wake of his gaze. Blah certainly hadn't expected any of them to get it right on the first try. "Yep, that's me," he affirmed. "Just Blah is fine, though. What's up?" He took another sip of root beer as he awaited a response.

"I-I just w-wanna know..." the stallion stammered, "how do you do it?"

Blah expected a bit of elaboration, but when none came, he grew slightly impatient. "Do what?"

"Uh..." The pony gulped audibly, searching for the right words to use. "How do you stay so confident?"

"Confident?" Blah repeated, to which the stallion nodded. Blah wasn't quite expecting such a personal question, but he didn't want to be caught stumped by it. He decided to stall. "Having self-esteem troubles, are we?"

"Just look," the pony resigned, turning his body somewhat shamefully to the side.

Blah calmly sipped from his glass again, confused as to what exactly he wanted him to see, until he suddenly realized what it was. This obviously adult pony had no cutie mark on his flank whatsoever. Blah had to take a moment more to process the meaning of this fact. "...Oh. I see," he said solemnly, trying to imagine what it must have been like for a pony to reach adulthood without discovering their special talent, their true calling. This pony needed help. "What's your name, buddy?"

"There you are! I should've known you'd be over here..." The stallion flinched at a stern voice from behind him. Blah looked up to see Hailstorm approaching, though to his surprise, he was looking at the other pony. "Look, if I couldn't help you, and your parents couldn't help you, I don't think this stranger's going to make any difference. Let's just leave him alone." He started to turn away.

"But... okay." The markless stallion reluctantly followed, giving up quickly.

Blah stood up. "Hang on a second," he called after the pegasus. "Hailstorm? Is this a friend of yours?"

"This doesn't concern you," snapped Hail. "You're the hero. You'd rather be basking in the glory and attention of every pony in Ponyville, anyway."

Blah stopped dead. Was his ego really showing that badly? "But you're a hero too," he cried.

"Not according to them," retorted his former ally, without even bothering to turn around. His friend, on the other hand, took a brief wayward glance at Blah before being halted by a sour glare from Hail, leaving him to stare uneasily at his feet instead.

The human remained frozen, stunned by the sudden hostility. "We can have that talk now!" he attempted, but neither pony so much as twitched.

Blah threw down his glass in disdain, the rest of his root beer seeping into the ground. He might have gotten carried away, but being denied a chance to make amends would weigh heavily on his mind for a long time. Knowing that one of his now biggest fans had such a soul-crushing problem and needed his advice didn't help either.

He sighed. All he could hope for at this point was that Hail would eventually cool off enough for him to apologize, and perhaps he'd get another opportunity to help his friend as well.

His absently drifting eyes rested on something large and brown. His train of thought having docked at the station, he was able to register this object. It was the library! Blah had to remove his glasses and wipe them on his shirt. When he put them back on, he confirmed it. The giant tree was back, exactly the way he remembered it from the cartoon.

Bewildered, he shuffled up to the door, giving it a few knocks. Yes, it was real. A few seconds later, he heard Twilight's voice answer from inside. "Come in!"

Blah pushed open the door. The interior was much the same as well, except most of the books were in a huge, disorganized pile on the floor. Twilight Sparkle was in the process of sorting through them, one by one, and placing them back on the shelves with her magic. A small, purple dragon fumbled through some of the books as well, thinking long and hard about where to place them.

Twilight quickly turned her head to identify her guest. "You didn't have to knock," laughed Twilight, returning to her books. "This _is_ a public library." The young dragon turned around with a smile, waving at the human.

"Uh, yeah... of course." Blah could still hardly believe what he was seeing. "How did you..."

"Rapid growth spell," the unicorn answered matter-of-factly. "This isn't the first time the library was destroyed due to some crisis."

"Right..." Blah wasn't sure that he could accept "magic" as an explanation for anything he didn't understand, even in a world where magic had a real presence, but he had more important things to worry about. "So, uh... Twilight, you're an expert on friendship, aren't you?"

"Well, I don't know if I can call myself an _expert_," she modestly replied, "yet. But I'm working on it. Why do you ask?"

Blah took a deep breath. "Okay, so if you caught any amount of conversation between me and Hailstorm, you may have noticed that he and I haven't really been getting along. Now he won't even talk to me. He won't even let his _friends_ talk to me."

"To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from," said Twilight. "When everypony turned back to normal, they saw how different you were and how, er, heroic you acted, and they assumed you were the one hero. You practically stole the spotlight. Nopony paid any attention to Hail at all."

Blah scratched his head. "Yeah, but... you were pretty important in that fight too, and you don't seem to care as much that you aren't getting showered with praise either."

"I don't need the recognition as much," Twilight explained. "I wield the central Element of Harmony. Me and my friends have saved Ponyville, and most of Equestria for that matter, loads of times. I'm actually getting kind of tired of being the center of attention. Hailstorm, on the other hand, hasn't had many opportunities to be a hero. This is probably his first time."

"Oh..." He hadn't thought about it that way. Blah didn't remember having such an opportunity himself, so he loved being able to take in the experience, but he didn't even consider that Hailstorm might have wanted the same thing. "So how do I fix this? Do I just go to each pony in town and say 'Hey, Hailstorm helped too'?"

"He did?" A bright and cheery voice from behind caused Blah to jump. "Wow, I should throw him a party too! You can never have too many parties!" He turned around, meeting face to face with the bounciest blob of pink he had ever seen, standing in the open doorway.

"Pinkie Pie?" Blah identified. "How long have you been standing there?"

Pinkie inhaled in a loud and drawn-out manner. Blah cringed internally in anticipation. "Not long actually 'cause I was looking all over town for you since you're new in Ponyville and also just saved it from being all purple and icky so I wanted to say hi and thanks and welcome and then throw you a big party but I couldn't find you so I figured I'd start by inviting Twilight and Spike and look here you are so thanks for saving the town and by the way how did you know my name we haven't even met yet but anyway welcome to Ponyville!"

When the cacophony of words and inflection was over, Pinkie stood perfectly still with a wide smile on her face, waiting patiently for Blah's response. Once again, he found himself at a loss for words, this time contemplating how it was even possible for any living being to say that much in one breath. Twilight and Spike shared a stifled chuckle.

"Well," Blah finally said, "I appreciate the gesture, but I don't really do parties."

"Awwww, don't be silly," Pinkie giggled. "You wouldn't not attend your own party, wouldn't you not?"

"Um." Blah paused, hung up on the exact meaning of the question. Was that a quadruple negative? "Okay, I'll come to the party," he surrendered, knowing it probably wouldn't have mattered what his response was.

Pinkie happily bounced twice her height into the air. "Great! Oh, you'll love it! There'll be games and music and balloons and streamers and root beer and cake and-"

"Wait wait wait," Blah interrupted, "how did you know I liked root beer unless you saw me already at that park bench, and therefore could have approached me there?"

"My Pinkie sense told me, duh!" the pink pony answered. "I already know everything about you, just like you know everything about me! I also know that you know everything about me! Well, not _everything_, but a lot of things!"

Blah raised an eyebrow, no less lost than when they began. "So why didn't you use your Pinkie sense to find me in the-"

"See you tomorrow at eight o' clock!" Pinkie finished. "Oh, and that's AM, not PM, sorry! Just go to bed early, okay? Bye!" She briskly bounded off into the distance, leaving Blah with no chance to say anything else.

"Bye, Pinkie Pie!" Twilight called after her. She turned to Blah. "Well, there you go! Instead of explaining the situation to everypony in town individually, you can just bring it up at the party. Assuming you _are_ going."

"I was looking forward to being able to sleep in tonight..." Blah mumbled, glancing away. Twilight gave him an incriminating glare. He shrunk away, having had no idea that a pony could even be remotely intimidating. "But I guess a party could be fun, especially one hosted by Pinkie Pie."

"Good answer," approved Twilight, lightening up. "Now, speaking of whom, I have a question for you: you're obviously not from this world, so how do you know so much about everypony?"

Although he hadn't exactly been trying to hide it, Blah couldn't help but feel a bit taken aback that Twilight had figured it out so quickly. "Well, er..." he stammered, trying to figure out the least outlandish way of explaining it. "Where I come from, Equestria is a fictional world created by a team of people for a cartoon show meant to sell a line of pony toys for little girls."

Hearing this caused Spike to break down into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Twilight tried as hard as she could to keep a straight face, but Spike's laughter was too contagious, and soon she couldn't help but join in. _'Wow,'_ thought Blah with a roll of his eyes, _'the one time I'm not joking, and it knocks them dead.'_

Noticing Blah was unamused, Twilight's laughter stopped. "Wait, you're serious?" she asked.

Blah nodded impatiently. "Without going into too much detail," he began, knowing that he could hardly stop himself from overstressing his opinions on the matter once he got going, "there's basically a huge fanbase for the show consisting of people my age, including males, due to its quality. Some of them can be..." He paused, searching for the most appropriate wording. "...really obsessive. Not me, though. I just happen to find the show enjoyable."

The puzzled expression on Twilight's face conveyed that she still didn't quite believe it. Blah continued. "Have you ever stopped and thought about Equestria, the way it's run, and its population and customs? Doesn't it all seem like the sort of thing specifically crafted by some other society to market to young girls?"

Thoughtfully, the unicorn paced off to the side. After a few seconds of mulling it over, her eyes grew wide. "I think you have a point..."

"Oh, come on, Twilight," Spike said between laughs. "You don't _really_ believe that, do you?"

"Think about it, Spike," Blah tried. "Why is the ruler of all of Equestria a princess, rather than a queen? Why are all of the main cha- er, wielders of the Elements of Harmony exclusively female? Why is everyone a _pony_? And don't even get me started on cutie marks!"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Spike cut him short.

"Well, regardless of how it might have been conceived in another reality," Twilight asserted, starting to get annoyed by Blah's tone, "it is _our_ reality, and now it's a part of yours. You would do well to respect that."

"And I do," Blah quickly defended himself, eager to suppress any further hostilities towards him. "I'm just saying, I've firmly established to myself that Equestria is a fantasy world, and then being thrust into that world and having to accept it as reality... it's really jarring, to say the least. Try to bear with me while I get used to it. Please?"

Twilight slowly nodded. "I understand. I know what it's like to be pulled out of one's comfort zone. I just have to make sure that you're not here to cause any harm."

"Actually, I'm honestly not sure why I'm here at all," Blah corrected. "I only remember vague details about my past life, specifically the world I came from, but I don't remember much of anything about myself, let alone how I wound up here. I don't even remember my own name. 'Blahsadfeguie' was the first thing to come to mind, but that's not even a real name. It's literally gibberish."

"You got that right," muttered Spike.

"So then," Blah resumed, ignoring the dragon for the time being, "I'm sure you're also wondering what's the deal with Ipsus and the Corruption. As you already know, Ipsus is one of my characters, so the two issues are probably linked. Do you think we can... help each other try to figure this out?"

"I was wondering when you'd ask," admitted Twilight. Blah emitted a sigh of relief as she continued. "I need to finish cleaning up this library. These books won't do us any good scattered all over the place like this. In the meantime, I'll send a letter to Princess Celestia and await her assessment of the situation. By the time Pinkie's party starts tomorrow, hopefully both of those things will be taken care of and we can get right on to the research. So, meet me back here tomorrow right after the party. Until then, just do... whatever it is you do."

Blah absorbed Twilight's instructions eagerly. "Awesome, you got it!" he agreed, already edging for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then!"

"Bye!" said Twilight as Blah pulled the door closed behind him.

Spike glanced at the pile of books next to him with a groan, noting that it was still about his height. "He could have at least offered to help with the books..."

"Baby steps, Spike," concluded Twilight as she went back to sorting through her own pile.

* * *

><p>Blah spent the rest of his time in Ponyville quietly picking up the dark scales and purple ore that the Eater of Worlds left behind, stashing them in his backpack. He then headed straight back for Blahtown using his all-too-convenient tunnel, as he probably would have gotten lost otherwise.<p>

Applejack met him on the other side, about to tote a cart full of goods back through the tunnel. "Howdy, Blah," she greeted. "Leavin' so soon?"

"I'd ask you the same question," Blah responded, staring at the nearly overstocked cart.

"Well," said the earth pony, setting down the harness, "now that we have our farm back, I figured I should be gettin' all these crates and junk outta your way. Why, do you need me for somethin'?"

"I just assumed you'd be sticking around..." stated the human. "Blahtown's only going to grow from here, and we could really use a merchant." Despite having downed way too much confectionery goodness lately, he couldn't help but think about how much he loved that apple pie.

Applejack looked downward in thought. "I'll kinda have my hooves full with my usual chores on the farm, but seein' as this tunnel's still here... shoot, I might just try to visit once a day and see what y'all need."

Blah smiled, shaking the pony's hoof gratefully. "Cool, thanks! And if you ever need a place to stay, or store stuff, that house I built for you is still yours."

"Much obliged," Applejack returned the favor. "So, what are y'all up to next, anyway?"

"The Eater of Worlds dropped a bunch of demonite ore and shadow scales," Blah explained. "I was going to upgrade my gear with it, and maybe go exploring." Another thought tugged at the back of Blah's mind. "Oh, and I should probably tell you that Pinkie Pie's throwing a party tomorrow for... for our victory against the corruption." He had been about to say the party was for himself, but decided against it mid-sentence. "Tomorrow morning, eight o' clock."

"Pinkie already done told me, but thanks," laughed Applejack, leaving Blah feeling slightly embarrassed. "It sure didn't take her long to find the tunnel. Anyway, you can bet your bottom bit that I'll be there!"

"Cool," he answered. "Well, I better get started on those upgrades. See you later!"

"Have a good one!" said Applejack as she picked up the cart and disappeared into the tunnel.

Blah turned around to make the short walk back to his house, but he nearly bumped into someone standing right behind him. Jumping back warily, he saw that it was only Cody. "Dear God," Blah exclaimed. "You scared me... how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," the guide coyly replied, starting to follow Blah back into town. "So, am I invited to this party?"

"I didn't even know you could leave that chair," quipped Blah. "You should probably stay in Blahtown and keep watch. That way, you'll be useful for _something_."

Cody was unperturbed. "All right," he obeyed with a shrug. "Not that there's anything really to watch. It's boring in that wooden shack, you know."

"Shut up and tell me what all I can make with demonite and shadow scales," Blah ordered, not in the mood for any of Cody's remarks.

"Depends on what all you want to make," remarked Cody.

Blah drew in a long breath and sighed. "Fine, I'll just stick to my original plan," he resigned as he reached the door to his house and opened it. Cody walked in after him, making a beeline for his favorite chair.

Hastily setting his demonite ore in the furnace, Blah scattered his shadow scales on the anvil nearby to count them. Typically, from what he remembered in the game, the Eater of Worlds dropped enough materials to make one or two pieces of equipment, and here was no exception. By the time he retrieved the refined demonite bars, which pulsed with an eerie purple glow, he determined that he had enough to make two things at least. Cody looked on in mild curiosity as Blah hammered them together.

Blah held his first completed tool in his hands: a slender indigo pickaxe. Its shape was rough and irregular, and it exuded minuscule dark particles every so often from the tips. _'The Nitemare Pickaxe,' _Blah reminded himself, holding his sinister creation at a slight distance. _'Capable of mining stronger materials like obsidian, meteorite, and... hellstone, I think? Eh, either way, an upgrade is an upgrade,' _he dismissed as he set the Nitemare Pickaxe down. _'Now for the more important one...'_

He had to utilize nearly all of his remaining shadow scales to compile the second upgrade; essentially a large sphere covered in spikes, from which protruded a long, gnarled stick. After gripping the menacing conglomeration of malice in the vague shape of a hammer tightly in both hands and lifting it from the anvil, he learned quickly that it was extremely heavy and poorly balanced. Gravity's pull was too strong, and the hammerhead yanked his arms downward, resulting in a large crack across the floor.

"Is The Breaker too heavy for you?" teased Cody, leaning back in his chair.

"I'll grow into it," Blah promised as he attempted to lift it again, using all of his strength. After going through the trouble of making the thing, he had to get at least some use out of it, and he knew that not much could hold back the mass of this weapon if it were swung. He just had to work out how to swing it without causing just as much damage to himself.

Determined to get a feel for it, Blah set down the Breaker for a moment and scrounged up some of his leftover wood, carrying it outside. Using some of his rope, he fashioned it together into a crude humanoid dummy and stuck it into the ground. Cody walked up to the window and watched Blah drag his new hammer out of the shack and towards his primitive training grounds.

Blah lifted the Breaker up a few inches from the ground. He took on a wider, lower stance to increase his stability. Taking a few deep breaths, he stepped forward, using all of his remotely relevant muscles to bring the hammer around and sling it in the dummy's general direction. The hammer moved, but he had misjudged his distance from the target and missed by a mile. The hammer kept going, and Blah attempted in vain to correct his balance. He lost his grip on the handle and fell, landing violently on his rear end.

"Looks like you should've made Light's Bane instead," bantered Cody.

Blah angrily stood and glared at the guide. "I am _not_ resorting to using swords," he asserted, brushing himself off. "I just need more practice with hammers. The damage output is more than worth the awkwardness!"

"If you say so," Cody shrugged. "You might want to keep around your old hammer until then, though. Just a bit of friendly advice."

Blah sighed. He had really wanted to get some exploring done before the end of the day, but he'd have to spend all of that time training if he wanted to bring the Breaker along. "Guess I'll have to train with this some other time," he resolved as he dragged the Breaker back into his shack. "On the bright side, Cody," he added as he passed the smug man, "here's something you can watch. Make sure it doesn't get stolen or anything while I'm out, got it?"

"As heavy as it is," retorted the guide, "I doubt anyone would find it worth the trouble. But I'll keep an eye on it."

"Good." He set the hammer against the anvil, then circled around the room, regathering his supplies. He made sure to grab some wood and gel for torches, his old silver warhammer, and his quartz lance. He was happy to at least be able to pack his Nitemare Pickaxe as well.

As he stuffed the objects into his backpack, his peripheral vision picked up some movement out of the window. It was Applejack, presumably making a second trip to carry the rest of her merchandise back. _'Perfect timing,' _thought Blah as he donned the pack and rushed out of the door to greet her again.

"Hey, Applejack!" he called, causing the earth pony to perk up. "I know this might be a tall order, but do you have about a dozen healing potions I can buy?"

Applejack laughed. "Funny you should mention healin' potions," she said, dropping the cart next to her building and heading inside. "Follow me, I got somethin' that'll knock your socks off!"

"It'll have to knock off my shoes first," Blah joked, trailing behind the pony eagerly.

Applejack walked up to a shelf and carefully brought down a crate full of bottles. She took one of them out and set it on top of a table. It was full of a candy-red, bubbling elixir. "This here's what I call Sparklin' Red Cider," she introduced. "I remembered you makin' those potions in the barn, so I went out, got the ingredients and tried it myself. But, the taste was so dog-gone awful that I had to add a little somethin' to the mix."

"So you mixed in some of your apple cider," Blah inferred. "Clever! I bet this stuff won't be nearly as sickening as a standard healing potion."

"Darn tootin'!" exclaimed Applejack. "I know your money is a bit different from ours, but I think five silver a bottle should about cover it."

Blah rummaged through his pockets. It seemed that the Eater of Worlds had dropped a couple of gold coins, so he had more than enough - 3 gold and 89 silver, to be exact. A good number, noted Blah. "Sweet, I'll take twelve of those, then!"

The merchant happily accepted the human's sixty silver coins in exchange for a whole dozen of her cider-potion hybrids, placing ten of them carefully in his pack and one in each of his pockets for quick retrieval.

Applejack tossed the silver coins into one of her saddlebags. "Pleasure doin' business with you. Use 'em wisely!"

"I will, thanks!" Blah waved as he walked outside of the building, finally ready for some alone time out in the world. _'Though if they taste anything like the cider I had before, I might not be able to help myself...' _he worried._ 'Maybe those other potions taste horrid for a reason...'_


	9. Need a Light?

Chapter 9: Need a Light?

Blahsadfeguie descended his nigh-forgotten rope into the caverns that had previously been dangerously close to corruption. This was the first time he had been this far without someone to watch his back, and the lack of the corruption's eaters only compounded the feeling of desolation. But perhaps this was a good thing, Blah began to ponder. It was only a matter of time before the ponies, or some other civilization, discovered these mineral-rich plains and stripped them clean. He figured he should enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

He'd at least have a much easier time getting away with making a suit of armor out of solid silver or gold without someone watching over him.

Meeting with the half-intact wall of sand, Blah withdrew his Nitemare Pickaxe and carved his way through it with ease. Just as he suspected, the cavern continued on beyond it. He made sure to collect a bit of the sand before he continued.

The cavern leveled out a ways in, the walls still mainly composed of softer dirt. He made sure to keep the route well-lit with torches, placing each one just within the light radius of the last. As he had limited pack space and a full set of iron armor already, he decided to skip any copper and iron he found, which helped him traverse the long and winding caves quickly. Occasionally, a red or yellow slime would jump out from a dark corner and ambush the fresh meat, but they were easily dispatched with a few slams of his silver warhammer. He decided to stockpile the gel as he went in the interest of safety.

Unfortunately, there weren't nearly enough veins of silver or gold this close to the surface. He mined out what little he found and pressed onward, hoping to find a dip in the cave structure soon.

Blah eventually came to a dead end with a small opening in the rough stone wall. This opening would have gone unnoticed, if not for the faint amount of blue light poking out of it. Curiously, he enlarged the hole with his pickaxe until it was big enough for him to slip through.

As he did, he was met with an incredible sight. Below him was a sprawling cavern, the walls and shape of which were painted with the dim light of a matted blue covering. Even more impressive were the gigantic blue mushrooms growing from the surface, each one as tall as a tree. The air was sparsely filled with tiny luminescent spores, which floated wistfully around like fireflies.

Blah took on the sights in awe. He recognized this as a rare, yet beautiful occurrence in the Terrarian underground: a glowing mushroom biome. It was no surprise that, while the horrifying atmosphere of the game's more frightening scenes were amplified tenfold in person, so too were the majestic ones even more wondrous. He simply had to make his way down and experience the subterranean forest up close.

He picked a muddy slope near his ledge and cautiously slid down it, maintaining a slowing friction with the soles of his feet. He gazed at the caps of the mushrooms, which formed a distinct canopy above him. Before today, he had not seen a mushroom bigger than his fist, and here he stood in the midst of towering ten-foot fungi. Blah suddenly felt like he had shrunk down to the size of a mouse.

As he was about to touch the trunk of one of the fungal trees, he heard a faint rustling noise nearby. He glanced downward and locked eyes with a small, greenish creature, barely reaching above his ankles in height. It was round and spotted, looking a bit like a mushroom itself. It had a clear face, complete with two eyes and a mouth, along with a straight crevice resembling a unibrow. The creature stood still, watching Blah warily.

This creature seemed familiar to Blah, but not quite in the same way that the glowing mushrooms were. He couldn't quite place where he had seen it before. "Well, hello there," he greeted in an attempt to sound harmless. The creature silently quivered for a split second and stopped, as if unsure whether to wait or flee.

It was then that Blah noticed many more pairs of eyes, glaring at him from behind mushrooms and rocks. _'I'm probably the first human they've ever seen,' _Blah determined, starting to feel nervous. _'It's up to me to make a good impression... too bad I'm terrible with animals.'_

Blah slowly kneeled down to the living mushroom's level. As he had nothing to physically offer, he decided to reach out and gently pet it instead. The creature didn't seem to like the idea of Blah's hand coming closer, however. With a startled cry, it scuttled away and joined its brethren in hiding.

"Aw, come on now," Blah pleaded, unsure what else to try. "I don't want to hurt you..."

There was what sounded like apprehensive muttering among the creatures. Blah stood up, but it was a bit quicker than he intended, and the natives were put off by the suddenness. One of them shouted. The cry was a single syllable that sounded remarkably like "Shroom!"

"Yeah, I know you're mushrooms," Blah replied, attempting to keep up a calming conversation. "I like mushrooms. Mushrooms are cool."

"Shroomish!" continued one of the mushrooms.

"Well yeah, you're not _quite_ mushrooms, but..." Blah trailed off. _'Shroomish,' _Blah repeated in his head. _'That's exactly what they are. Shroomish are a kind of Pokemon!' _A smirk played across his face as he realized that he had encountered another of his past interests. In addition to Terraria and Equestria, this world contained Pokemon as well! He had been a devoted fan to the popular monster RPG series since the Red and Blue versions came out on the Gameboy, and he could probably name just about every Pokemon there was, or at least from the first four and a half generations.

"So a group of Shroomish have made a mushroom biome their home..." muttered Blah. "If I could somehow capture one of these guys, I'd be much better off in this universe. Their evolved form is actually one of my favorite Pokemon. What's it called again...?"

A voice behind him kindly jogged his memory. "Breloom."

"Oh yeah, thanks!" Blah turned to meet the helpful individual, only to wind up with a heavy punch to the face. Reeling, he glanced up at the attacker. It was roughly four feet tall, and had a green and yellow body with a shape that reminded him of a kangaroo. Its head was topped with a wide mushroom brim, and its short arms were poised to strike again. _'Of course,' _thought Blah, removing his hand from his face to check it for blood. It was clean, thankfully. _'I should've known that was an actual Breloom.'_

"Bre, breloom," the Breloom angrily declared, while another one slipped in between Blah and the rest of the Shroomish. It was obvious that they wanted him to leave. Blah figured that the fungal Pokemon could do a lot more damage to him if they wanted to.

"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted here," Blah surrendered, turning to walk away from the mushroom forest. However, a glint of pink caught his eye, causing him to stop. He slowly turned his head to see a large, heart-shaped object in the distance, on the other side of the biome.

As a player of Terraria, he had been conditioned to get excited at the sight of anything heart-shaped, and reasonably so. This was a Life Crystal, which increased the maximum health of whoever used it. Whatever that translated to in quasi-real-life terms, he wasn't sure, but he knew that it could only benefit him greatly in the end.

The two Breloom tensed up, noting that Blah had stopped. "Loom..." growled one.

The human carefully weighed his options. He could make a break for that Life Crystal and risk getting pummeled by the high-level Pokemon, or leave in the other direction and miss out on some increased survivability.

_'Well, reward usually isn't without risk,' _Blah decided as he did an about-face and sprinted madly for the crystal, his hammer out for purely defensive purposes.

The outraged Breloom were quick to react, and one charged after him with another blinding Mach Punch attack. It struck him on his armored back, but the force alone was enough to make him stumble and trip. Though slightly dazed, Blah managed to roll over onto his back in time to parry the other's assault, knocking its arm away with his hammer. The reach of the seemingly short-armed Pokemon was astounding. It almost looked to him like their arms stretched out with each punch.

Blah rolled again out of the way of the first one's second attack and onto his stomach, where he lifted himself back to his feet with tenacity that surprised even himself. Perhaps it was the thought of getting his first Life Crystal, a much sought-after feat for a beginning permadeath run, that gave him the drive to move swiftly. His top priority was to reach the crystal. His second was to defend himself. That was it.

And so he pounded ahead, kicking up smaller mushrooms and clumps of mud, determined to reach his goal. The Life Crystal lay in front of him, gleaming from the surrounding blue light. His speed was just enough to match the pace of the Breloom. He couldn't keep it up for long, but he didn't need long. Holding his hammer high, he leaped off of the ground and let his momentum guide his hammer towards his target.

CRASH! The brittle outer layer of the crystal gave way to the force of the hammer, leaving behind a much more solid, smaller crystal. The impact wrenched the hammer out of his hands, and he slid forward into the soil. His primary goal accomplished, his fatigue caught up to him, and he struggled to pick himself up. When he finally did, he found both of the Breloom staring him down. He couldn't really tell, but he knew that if anything, that little stunt only made them angrier.

He took their moment of pause to pick up his hammer, and quickly glance around him for his escape route. There was a gap in the floor ahead, but on the other side was a stretch of mud untouched by the glowing mushrooms. If he could build up as much speed as he did earlier, he thought he might have a shot at jumping it.

But first, he had to retrieve the crystal. The Breloom, knowing this, stood near it, waiting for Blah to make a move.

After taking a deep, much-needed breath, he began his charge, hammer poised, straight for the one on the left. His target drew back its arm, ready for a counter. Blah immediately ducked to the right and swung at the other Breloom's torso, knocking it back a few feet. However, he had once again misjudged the range of the Pokemon, and the other one launched its attack anyway, striking his helmet with open palm, narrowly missing the exposed part of his forehead. And, once again, the sheer force was enough to penetrate the armor, giving Blah a minor headache.

Desperately wanting to avoid a follow-up, he swung wildly to the left and smacked the other Breloom in the head. This bought him enough time to wait for his vision to clear, after which he snagged the crystal.

No sooner had he done that than the Breloom on the right had recovered, sending a well-timed jumping uppercut to his jaw. Blah had no hope of dodging that one, and was helplessly tossed into the air. Despite the throbbing pain in his head, he kept a firm grip on the crystal and his hammer. The mud only slightly broke his fall.

By the time he got up, one of the Breloom had moved in between him and the gap, and the other was approaching fast. Blah turned and ran straight for the gap. If he could take care of this one final obstacle without losing too much speed, he would be home free. The path was narrow, however, and ducking around the Breloom would kill his momentum. The Pokemon braced itself for whatever impact Blah might attempt.

Thinking quickly, he wound his left arm back and flung the Life Crystal as he ran. The Breloom was momentarily distracted as the object soared over its head, giving Blah just enough of an opening to smash the hammer into its side with both hands. With the Breloom off to the side, Blah trained his focus on the jump ahead. He kicked off of the ground at the last minute. His speed cleared him the distance easily, but his footing was shaky when he landed on the other side. No longer threatened, he carefully let himself fall.

The Breloom shouted at him from the other side while he panted heavily into the dirt. They decided it wasn't worth trying to catch him at that point and walked away.

Blah sat up. He began a wheezing laugh, not at the Pokemon, but more towards himself for somehow making it out of that mess. And then, all at once, the pain-killing adrenaline wore off, and his headache flared like a raging inferno.

He desperately reached for one of Applejack's cider potions, removing the cap and chugging it as if it were the first drink he'd had in days. His headache gradually eased, allowing him to register the taste and feel of the lukewarm cider flowing down his esophagus. It was as smooth as ordinary cider, and had a similarly pleasing taste. The other ingredients detracted from it slightly, but not enough to make him sick. It was a very calming drink, even without considering the injuries it treated.

_'If only it cured exhaustion,' _Blah lamented as he struggled to his feet, leaning against the cavern wall. He gazed at the mushroom biome one last time. None of the Pokemon remained within sight.

He reached down and picked up his prize: the Life Crystal that he had thrown across before himself. A valuable treasure, but was it worth antagonizing an entire habitat? He could practically hear Hailstorm's voice already. _"What was that about?!" _he barked. _"Those peaceful creatures only wanted to defend themselves, and you smacked them around and stole their crystal just to get a little more health?"_

_'Well, they weren't using it,' _Blah defended himself against his cleverly-disguised conscience. _'And there's a little thing called "survival of the fittest".'_

The imaginary pegasus shook his head. _"This is why you're alone down here, Blah. You put yourself first, and everyone else second, only helping out when you feel like you have something to gain from it."_

Blah had nothing to say to that. He couldn't even look at the Life Crystal anymore. Instead, he solemnly stuffed it in his backpack and continued deeper into the caverns.

He mined out all the gold and silver he could as per usual, but he found it hard to get excited about it. He was running on autopilot. The fact that that stunt left him hopelessly lost while he slowly ran out of light sources did not help his guilt in the slightest.

Finally, he found himself left with a single torch and no way to mark his traveled path. With his torch in one hand and his pickaxe in the other, he pressed onward in the hopes that he would encounter the surface eventually. At one point, he stopped running into slimes and Terrarian monsters altogether. The cave was instead populated with Pokemon such as Zubat and Geodude. Some attacked him, but none of them were a match for his hammer.

His victories were shallow and unrewarding. He came to the realization that his latest act of selfishness not only got him lost, but now he wasn't likely to make it to that party, either. He wouldn't even get a chance to make up for what he did to Hailstorm.

He was considering giving up hope entirely when he noticed a faint, yellowish light flickering from around a corner. Blah knew that it would be far too dark by now for there to be any sunlight remaining. The flickering hinted that it wasn't natural, either. He edged closer to it, and soon enough, he heard an anguished cry echoing from a distant chamber.

Blah's hope was restored. Even if this entity was lost just like he was, at least he wouldn't be alone. Without a moment of hesitation, he rounded the corner and ran for the light. The cry became clearer. He rounded another corner. The light became brighter. Up ahead, he saw a pit in the ground from which the light source emanated. He skidded to a halt, peering over the edge.

Sitting at the bottom of the pit, exhausted and desperate, was a bright yellow, bipedal Pokemon with black stripes on its neck, tail, and two short, rounded horns. On the end of its tail was a red bulb which emitted the light. Blah recognized this Pokemon as easily as any other, now that he was in the mindset for it. This was Ampharos, a fully-evolved electric-type. A Pokemon such as this would almost never be found deep in a cave.

"Hey, Ampharos!" Blah called. Hearing a human's voice, the Ampharos perked up. "Need any help getting out of there?"

"Amph!" cried the Pokemon gratefully. "Pharos!"

Blah took that as a "yes". "Okay, give me two seconds!" Blah stepped back, brandishing his pickaxe. With a deep breath, he began chipping away at the stone underneath him, quickly carving out a primitive staircase. He realized partway through that he could have just thrown down a rope, but at least this way he could hang on to the excess stone for house-building. That, and it was cooler.

"Aaaaamph," the Ampharos voiced, certainly impressed at Blah's digging skills.

As it carefully climbed the staircase, Blah noticed several nasty-looking bruises on its body. _'Poor thing must have taken a painful fall,' _guessed Blah. He reached for one of his Sparkling Red Ciders. "Here," he offered, "you should drink this. It'll make you feel better."

The Ampharos eyed the drink cautiously, then took it and tried a sip. "Pha!" it acclaimed, delighted by the taste, and finished the whole thing in seconds. In seconds more, the Pokemon's wounds faded all at once. "Pharos! Ampharos!" it said happily, practically jumping for joy.

Blah smiled. He could not deny that this was an adorable sight. "Awesome! That should give you the strength to make it out of this cave."

"Amph," the Ampharos nodded. It stepped back a few paces towards a particular corridor, waving at Blah. "Ampharos!"

Blah started to raise his hand to wave back, but caught himself when he realized he still had a predicament of his own. "Oh, wait a minute," he called, stopping the Pokemon. "If you know the way out, do you mind if I come with you? I'm actually kind of lost, heheh..."

Ampharos nodded again without a moment of hesitation and beckoned for the human to follow. "Pharos!"

"Alright, thanks!" Blah double checked his bag and equipment and enthusiastically caught up to the Electric-type.

As they walked, not many wild Pokemon appeared to stand in their way. Perhaps they were repelled by the strong light of the Ampharos, or they just saw it as too powerful to mess with. Either reason was valid in Blah's mind. He only wished that his escort could answer any of the questions he desperately wanted to ask, but it couldn't be helped.

Before long, Blah noticed another light source shining dimly from ahead. Squinting at the ceiling, he saw there was a sizable hole through which the half-moon was clearly visible. Blah guessed that the Ampharos may have fallen down here, and got stuck looking for another exit.

Blah stared at the moon. The sun had already fallen, and he had no real way of knowing how late into the night it was. It could be the witching hour, or an hour before sunrise for all he knew. If he couldn't get a decent night's sleep before the party, he wasn't sure if any excuse he had would be good enough...

"Ampha?" The Ampharos waved its arm in front of Blah's blank face, snapping him out of his trance.

"Sorry," he apologized, gripping his pickaxe, "I was just thinking about... personal stuff." He stretched his arms for a moment before getting to work on the dirt walls of the cave, excavating a sizable staircase to the surface while Ampharos kept the area well-lit for him. When he breached the surface, he picked a rock to sit on and catch his breath as Ampharos climbed up after him. "There," panted Blah. "Now nobody's getting stuck down here again."

He took a second to look around while Ampharos sat down on another nearby rock. Every section of untamed wilderness looked the same to him. As such, he couldn't determine how far he was from Blahtown, or what direction to go in. He also doubted the Ampharos knew where it was either.

"So..." he began nervously. "I don't suppose you could point me to the nearest town, as well...?"

"Ampharos," replied the Electric-type, standing up. It motioned for Blah and began heading towards the thinner portion of the treeline. Blah jumped to his feet and followed closely.

With Ampharos navigating for them both, Blah began to think about where this Pokemon might have come from. The likelihood that it was a wild Pokemon was very slim, as most Pokemon in the wild don't evolve on their own. "Do you have a trainer?" asked Blah in an attempt to break the silence.

Ampharos looked back at him and nodded. "Yes, I do," it said.

"I figured as much," replied the human. Having a wild Ampharos that might be willing to join him sounded too good to be true. Especially one that could talk.

_'Wait a minute, _what?!' It took him a moment to realize that the Pokemon had spoken in what appeared to be plain English just then, in a voice that sounded like that of an energetic young lady. "D-did you just... talk?"

"Of course, I've been talking," laughed the Ampharos. "Why, can you understand me?"

"I... I can now, apparently." It was a strange feeling, now that he was conscious of it. He registered the sounds of the Pokespeak as usual, only it was as though there were a translator in his head making him hear something he could understand.

"Strange," remarked Ampharos, turning back to the front. "Not even my trainer can understand me. I don't think he tries half the time, anyway." The two of them crossed over into a more marshy setting. The ground was muddy in places, and there was a light drizzle.

"Do you like your trainer?" tried Blah.

"Well..." She looked up to the moon in thought. "He's a bit of an egomaniac, and also kind of oblivious, but he's great at keeping us all together and focused on the task at hand. When you overlook his glaring flaws, he's a good friend."

"So you consider him a good friend, despite his shortcomings..." repeated Blah, mostly to himself.

"Yeah. No one's perfect, but no one's irredeemable either. Once you get to know them, you can find the good in anybody, as long as they allow that good to be found."

The Pokemon's words gave Blah a completely new outlook. If he brushed someone the wrong way, no matter what happens, there would always be a chance for him to patch things up. Some things were out of his control, but as long as he made an effort to change the things that weren't, he could be forgiven. Twilight was willing to give him a chance, so why not Hailstorm?

"And we're here," announced Ampharos as a series of houses came into view. Blah glanced at a nearby sign illuminated by her light, which read: "Welcome to Pastoria City - Home of the Great Marsh".

"Pastoria..." he read aloud. Town names in the Pokemon world weren't easy for him to remember, but he was fairly sure that this was in the region known as Sinnoh. "How far did I travel underground...?"

When he looked back, he noticed Ampharos had already gone ahead towards a large building with a red roof. Blah hastily caught up, entering the building just behind her. The interior was clean and well-lit, with a few couches and tables on the sides. Discolored tiles on the floor made up a pattern of two connected semi-circles, a smaller sphere in the middle. On the far end of the room was a red counter, behind which stood a pink-haired woman in a nurse uniform.

Blah easily identified this building as a Pokemon Center, a place where trainers could rest their Pokemon. Just about every town had at least one of them, as well as their own Nurse Joy. He had been inside these countless times in the games, but nothing could compare to the relaxing feeling of physically being there.

The nurse greeted the human and Pokemon with a cheerful curtsy. "Welcome to the Pokemon Center, where we rest your tired Pokemon!"

"Oh, I'm fine," the Ampharos responded. "Have you seen a boy with sunglasses and purple-striped hair lately?" Oddly, she didn't seem as worried about finding him as Blah was, as if this sort of thing happened a lot.

There was a moment of silence. A hint of confusion could be seen on Nurse Joy's otherwise perpetually smiling face. She looked at Blah for guidance. "Pardon me, but what is your Ampharos saying?"

"What she's saying is," Blah answered, unsurprised that only he could translate, "she's fine, but we're looking for her trainer. Apparently he's a boy with sunglasses and purple-striped hair. Have you seen anybody like that around here?" Now that he thought about it, that description sounded somewhat familiar.

"Hmm..." She gazed off to the side. "I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen anyone like that. You're welcome to stay here overnight, in case he shows up. I'm sure he's looking for you right now as well."

"I can't exactly afford to stay here overnight..." Blah lamented, recalling the date that had been branded into his guilty conscience. "I need to get back to Ponyville. You know how to get there from here?"

"I haven't heard of a place called Ponyville," Joy responded, about as lost as Blah. "There's a map of Sinnoh on the wall, though, in case it might help."

"Thanks," Blah said as he approached the poster depicting the Sinnoh region. He had entered the town from the southwest, which meant he was facing north when he exited the cave. Not that knowing that helped much, considering the cave had so many twists and turns it was impossible to retrace his own steps. That and there was nothing but water to the south.

Before he could approach the puzzle from any other angle, he heard the door open behind him, accompanied by a young male voice. "What, you're saying she fell down a hole in the ground, and I just walked away?"

"Yep. Wouldn't be the first time." This was another Pokemon, whose voice was course and somewhat demanding, at least in Blah's ears.

"What did you call me?" the human retorted, obviously unable to understand the Pokemon.

"I didn't call you anything, idiot." The Pokemon sounded as if all of his patience wore away long ago.

The banter between the two was more than enough to make Blah lose his focus. He turned around to confront them, and was shocked upon realizing who it was - a skinny trainer in his late teens, his smooth orange hair streaked with purple. His dark sunglasses, a bit large for his face, completely concealed his eyes. The denim vest over his black T-shirt gave him a rather nonchalant yet rebellious look. Accompanying him was a Buizel, tired and cranky from what presumably was a long trip.

The Ampharos also recognized the trainer, and immediately called out to him with the name that sprang to Blah's mind moments before. "Bob!"


	10. Bobbing for Pokemon

CHAPTER 10: Bobbing for Pokemon

The Ampharos's cry caused Bob to jump, out of both joy and astonishment. "Saucha!" the trainer acknowledged. "There you are! How many times do I have to tell you not to wander off in the middle of the night?" His tone quickly shifted from relief to disappointment.

"Yeah, yeah..." submitted Saucha the Ampharos, accepting the blame as if this incident had happened way too many times already.

"Honestly," continued Bob, shaking his head, "I'm beginning to think I should just never let any of you out of your Pokeballs until it's time for a battle..."

As if Blah had any doubts before about the odd-looking young man's identity, hearing the name of his Ampharos confirmed it. Bob Sladfigy was one of his first Pokemon-related characters, created as a sort of extreme caricature of himself at first, but slowly developed his own personality. It was a bizarre coincidence that, of all the Pokemon trainers in Sinnoh, Blah would run into him first.

"Hey, pal, do you mind? I can't lecture my Pokemon with you staring at me like that."

Blah snapped back to reality, suddenly aware that he must have been absently staring at the trainer for a full minute or so.

Bob angrily stared back, probably waiting for some kind of apology. "You got a problem with applying a little discipline where it's needed?"

"Of course not," Blah answered. "But I don't think it's really needed here." As much as he didn't want to antagonize anyone else, especially with Bob in one of his moods, he felt that the Ampharos deserved a little better. "It's pretty much your fault that you lost her, anyway. She fell into a cave and you failed to notice." Saucha perked up, surprised that anyone would come to her defense.

Bob scoffed in disbelief. "My fault? Failed to notice? I'll have you know I'm very vigilant when it comes to my Pokemon." His Buizel rolled his eyes dramatically at that statement. "Not that it's any of your business anyway. You don't see me telling you how to raise _your_ Pokemon."

Blah shrugged. "I don't even have Pokemon, but I know an overreacting guardian when I see one."

Bob raised an eyebrow from behind his sunglasses. "Wait, you don't have Pokemon? What kind of a Pokemon trainer doesn't have Pokemon?"

"I never said I was a trainer," Blah replied.

"Then what are you doing in a Pokemon Center?" Bob seemed to have completely forgotten about his anger and was now curiously questioning Blah.

"I'm the one who found your Ampharos," Blah stated, "and I helped her out of the cave and lead her here, in the hopes that we might run into her trainer."

"Oh, you found her?" Bob suddenly grabbed Blah's hand and shook it gratefully. "Wow, thanks man! How can I ever repay you?"

Although Blah should have expected that behavior from his own character, Bob's complete 180 still left him winded. "Uh..."

"I know! I can help you catch a Pokemon, and show you the ropes!" The volatile trainer now wore a look of pride. "I like to think I'm a pretty great role model for newbies."

"He sure does like to think that..." muttered the Buizel.

"See, Franz agrees with me!" Bob falsely interpreted. Franz's facepalm went unnoticed. "Come on, I'll take you out to Route 212 right now! The first Pokeball's on me!"

As much as Blah wanted to respectfully decline in favor of making his way back in time, he did like the idea of having a companion with no external obligations, willing to help with whatever he needed. And the fact that he could apparently communicate with them made it all the more desirable. _'Shouldn't take too long, right?' _Blah nervously asked himself. "Sure, sounds good," he accepted with a slow nod.

"Great!" Bob, still holding onto Blah's hand, practically dragged him to the door of the Pokemon Center. "You won't regret this, Mr., uh, what did you say your name was?"

"Blahsadfeguie," the older man introduced himself. "But you can just call me Blah."

"Really?" asked Bob. "That kinda sounds like my name. Bob Sladfigy. Funny how that works sometimes, huh?"

The realization struck Blah like a brick. Both of their names did sound remarkably alike, despite the fact that Blah pulled his current moniker completely out of thin air. Or so he thought...

* * *

><p>The moon's light was obscured by the thick canopy above Blah and his new mentor, making the night as dark as it could be without leaving them totally blind. Blah would have opted to wait until the morning if he weren't on such a tight schedule. Bob, however, did not seem to mind the darkness at all, happily demonstrating his mastery of Pokemon hunting by walking in circles in the tall grass over and over again.<p>

"Are you sure this is the best way to find a Pokemon?" Blah half-questioned, half-sighed.

"Patience is the key, young apprentice!" snapped Bob without stopping. "Sometimes the RNG doesn't play nice, but yes, you'll eventually encounter a Pokemon this way."

Bob's liberal use of video game terminology in this context left Blah baffled. "Is... is he for real...?"

"You know how they say there's always a method to the madness?" Franz chimed in. "Well, his method _is _madness."

Again, Blah knew he shouldn't be surprised, and yet seeing Bob's insanity in person was simply too much for him to comprehend. "How does he even _function_...?"

"He has us," Franz answered bluntly. "Without us, Bob'd probably challenge his own shadow to a fist-fight for stalking him everywhere. And lose."

Blah had to laugh at that one, though he quickly stifled when Bob gave him a strange look.

Franz flashed Blah a similar expression. "You actually understood that?"

"I did," Blah said back. "I'm apparently some kind of Pokemon whisperer now."

"You could stand to whisper a little quieter, then," scolded Bob, before resuming his exercise in futility.

Both of them went silent after that, letting only the sounds of nocturnal creatures fill the night air.

The silence was broken by a new voice that Blah had never heard before. _"You have me to thank for that."_

Blah jumped, looking frantically around for the voice's owner. It was feminine, precise, and quite airy. But that wasn't why Blah was so startled by it. It sounded crystal clear and very close by, almost as if it came from his own head. Neither Franz nor Bob seemed to visibly react to the voice, either. Blah shrugged it off as some kind of hallucination brought about by lack of sleep.

_"You are not imagining things," _the voice spoke in his head again. _"I am as real as you are."_

By this point, Blah would normally be uneasy, but the voice was oddly soothing, like that of an angel. "...Who's there?" he finally breathed, so quiet that he suspected nobody else heard it.

_"Look behind yourself, in the treetops."_

Blah did as the voice commanded, and found himself gazing into a pair of faintly glowing purple orbs, glistening from between the branches.

He put two and two together. _'A Psychic-type Pokemon...?'_ he guessed in his head, before attempting to come up with a response.

_"That is correct."_ Blah froze. Somehow, the possibility that the Pokemon could directly read his mind escaped him. _"No need to be alarmed. I have been watching you ever since you came here, Blahsadfeguie."_

_'How is that not cause for alarm?' _retorted Blah.

_"It was inevitable that you and I would eventually cross paths," _the voice continued, ignoring Blah's qualms. _"When I sensed your presence, I began to mentally translate all nearby Pokemon for you."_

_'Well, that was kind of you, I guess...' _thought Blah, not satisfied in the slightest. _'But who are you, and why are you doing this for me?'_

The orbs blinked out for a microsecond before the voice continued. _"I am called Seraphina. I have foreseen much chaos in this world as of late. Ever since your arrival here, I knew that you would be the one who would ultimately set it straight. I therefore wish to assist you in any way I can."_

Blah could hardly believe it. Some strange psychic creature he just met was telling him that he would save this mixed-up universe from an unknown force of chaos, like he was some kind of chosen one. It sounded ridiculous. However, if this presumably powerful Pokemon wanted to devote herself to his causes, he had no reason to complain. At the very least, it sounded like it would be much harder to screw up this friendship.

That, and he couldn't stand to spend another minute outside in the cold, dark night with that lunatic of a Pokemon trainer.

_"I understand you would like me to satiate this obnoxious human," _Seraphina spoke again, taking the words right out of his brain. _"Very well, I shall reveal myself."_

_'You'll really just let me capture you?' _asked Blah.

_"I never said that. I intend to become your ally, not your slave."_

_'But what if Bob...' _

Blah's thoughts were cut short as a brief flash of lavender light abducted the orbs from the took Blah a moment to realize that Seraphina had teleported in front of him. The light was barely sufficient for Blah to recognize the outline of the Pokemon - an Abra. As fond as he was of the species of psychic fox, he began to wonder how useful she would be with Abra's limited set of moves.

Regardless, Blah figured it would be sufficient to get the boy off his back. He loudly cleared his throat. "Hey, Bob, look what I found."

On the brink of lashing out, Bob turned around. "This better be im-" His own gasp interrupted him as he spotted the Abra. "A Pokemon! Quickly, Franz, use Aqua Jet!"

Blah was afraid that Bob would be eager to start a battle. "Now, hold on a second..." he began, to no avail.

"Finally, some action!" Franz, oblivious to the Abra's true purpose, excitedly enveloped himself in water and blasted off, heading straight for Seraphina. Instead of colliding with her, however, Franz kept going and crashed into a nearby tree.

The Abra had teleported away. Blah predicted that much. He, and especially Bob and Franz, could not have predicted what would happen next - a ball of green, undulating energy shot out at Franz from behind, knocking him harshly to the ground just after he recovered. The two humans tracked it to its source and found Seraphina standing several yards away.

"What the heck was _that?!_" Bob shouted, utterly confused.

"I think that was Energy Ball..." Blah recognized. A strong Grass-type move, he recalled. Not one that was outside Abra's potential as a whole, but the fact that she knew more than just Teleport was interesting to say the least.

Bob shook his head. "Whatever it was, it was just a fluke!" he exclaimed. "Franz, shake it off and use Pursuit! That works against Teleport, right?"

His trainer's words brought Franz to his feet, despite being visibly shaken by the super-effective move. He glared at the Abra and charged with blinding speed, not about to be fooled a second time. As Seraphina teleported away, just as he anticipated, he stopped and turned around, expecting another ranged attack from behind.

Instead, the Buizel was met with a sharp kick to the face. It wasn't a very strong kick, coming from a physically weak Pokemon, but it broke his concentration long enough for the Abra to seize him high into the air with telekinesis and slam him into the ground.

Blah was very much impressed, but Bob began to panic. "Come on, Franz, we can't lose to a wild Pokemon!" he encouraged. "Especially not in front of this newbie," he quietly added through gritted teeth. "Use a Swift attack!"

Franz, on the other hand, was more frustrated than worried, but he certainly shared Bob's determination. "Let's see you dodge this one," he growled as he jumped to his feet and slung his tails around, producing a contingent of bright star-shaped projectiles, which homed in on the Abra.

Rather than teleport away, Seraphina stood firm with both arms in front, taking the hits in stride. The moment the assault ended, she disappeared again. Franz already knew that the Abra could attack from any distance. This time, he was ready for anything. He scanned the horizon, hoping to find the outline of his opponent before the attack even came.

Both Bob and Blah immediately saw that he would never find her this way, though. Bob's fists clenched. "Franz, above you!" he shouted.

But by the time his Buizel heard the warning, it was already too late. He looked up and only caught a slight glimpse of the Abra before her Shadow Ball finished him off. Franz fell unconscious, his energy diminished, as Seraphina landed gracefully on the ground nearby.

Bob was completely still and silent, frozen with his jaw wide open at what he had just witnessed. As soon as he remembered Blah was there, he hastily regained himself. "Uh, don't worry," he uttered, returning Franz to his Pokeball and sorting through his others, "I've still got plenty of other Pokemon..."

Blah held up his hand. "Bob," he addressed, "stop. Just stop."

"No, no, I can do this, just you wait!" yelled Bob, finally settling on another Pokemon to use, reeling back his throwing arm.

_"I would advise that you listen to Blahsadfeguie," _Seraphina calmly spoke, causing Bob to freeze again.

"Did..." Bob started, slowly lowering his arm. "Did that Abra just talk...?"

"Oh good, I'm not the only one who can hear her," Blah observed, half-sarcastically.

_"I am not here to battle you, or to be captured," _the Abra continued. _"I am only here to assist this human."_

"You were incredible for not being here to battle, though," Blah complimented. "Where did you pick up those skills?"

_"Observation," _she answered simply.

"So..." voiced Bob, desperately trying to evaluate what had just happened, "...you had a Pokemon this whole time? You lied to me, just so you could humiliate me?"

"That's not it at all!" protested Blah. "I had no idea Seraphina existed until a few minutes ago... she spoke to me and said that she wanted to help me save the world, or something along those lines."

"Oh. Yeah. I totally believe that." As Blah talked, Bob grew more and more certain that his earlier statement was the truth. He threw his arms up into an exasperate shrug. "Look, guy, if you wanted a battle, all you had to do was ask!"

Blah's heart sank as he came to the realization that he had indeed antagonized yet another person. "But neither one of us was looking for a battle..."

Bob cackled a very worrying, somewhat maniacal cackle. "Well, too bad, because you just got one!" He drew his arm back again. "Go, Tryder!" The Pokeball hit the ground, opening up to reveal a rather confused Togetic.

_"Perhaps we should leave him," _Seraphina proposed. _"He is upset about his defeat, and cannot listen to reason at the moment."_

Blah did not like the idea of simply leaving someone who was mad at him. "But..."

_"It is not your fault that he is angry. He simply misunderstands our situation. There is nothing we can do but leave and let him cool off on his own."_

"Something tells me Bob's not going to let us escape..." argued Blah.

_"I would like to see him try and stop this," _Seraphina objected.

Blah was about to ask what the Abra was talking about, but before he knew it, she was seated on his shoulders, around his head. Giving nobody a chance to speak, the two of them promptly disappeared in a flash.

Bob was outraged. "No! There's no running from a trainer battle!" he shouted to the empty air, but they were already long gone.

* * *

><p>The sudden change of lighting caught Blah off-guard, forcing him to cover his eyes. It didn't take them long to focus again, though, and he realized he was standing back in his crude wooden house in Blahtown, where Cody had been sitting in his chair, passing the time with a book.<p>

Blah's unconventional entrance did not even faze Cody. "Welcome back, Blah," he greeted as he turned a page.

It took a moment for Blah to realize what happened, and when he did, he laughed. "Wow. I completely forgot Teleport works on other people as well..."

_"I trust that you no longer doubt my usefulness?" _asked Seraphina from atop the workbench, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

"Oh, I stopped doubting you the moment you used Energy Ball, Seraphina," smirked Blah. "By the way, mind if I call you Sera?"

_"Only if I may call you Blah," _answered Sera.

"Excellent," Blah interjected as he removed his backpack. The weight of it reminded him that he still had a massive load of ore from his most recent spelunking trip.

Almost subconsciously, he started by retrieving the silver ore and throwing it into the furnace. Sera quietly watched as he removed bar after bar from it, setting them into a neat pile nearby.

It was Cody who eventually broke the silence. "So, who's your new friend?" he asked.

"If you were listening at all, you'd know by now..." sighed Blah as he moved on to his gold ore.

_"I am Seraphina," _Sera patiently introduced. _"My purpose is to aid Blah, and ensure his survival and triumph in this world."_

"Why, is he the Chosen One or something?" joked Cody.

_"According to my sources, yes," _the Abra responded. _"It is his destiny to reverse a great disaster that would befall this universe."_

"Is that so?" said the guide, in a way that left Blah unsure whether he believed it or not. "What kind of disaster?"

"Something about chaos, I guess?" shrugged Blah as he set his gold bars next to the silver ones. "I think the Corruption might have been part of it."

_"I am unsure of the exact nature of the disaster myself," _admitted Sera. _"I will have to meditate on that tonight. Perhaps the answer will come to me."_

"Yeah, good plan," Blah yawned as he took off his armor and crawled into bed. He was looking forward to getting a good night's sleep in a real bed for once, especially after such a long, eventful day. "Be sure to wake me before 8:00, alright?"

Sera nodded. _"Of course. Good night, Blah and Cody."_

Blah rolled over onto his side. "Night, Sera."

Cody did not budge. "Don't let the bedbugs bite."

Anticipating several minutes of laying awake, Blah began to revisit his most prominent questions: Who was he, really? What's the deal with this mixed-up universe? Could he succeed in patching things up with Hailstorm? Sure, it felt silly to lump in personal matters with the rest of his overarching issues, but Blah couldn't bear to simply abandon his chance at befriending his first real acquaintance in this world.

But his interactions with the other people he met gave him continued hope. He realized his mistakes, was assured that not everything was always his fault, and learned that even though nobody's perfect, there's potential for good in everyone. Perhaps even Bob could forgive him in due time, if they ever met again.

Whether due to newfound comfort or sheer exhaustion, it did not take long for Blah to drift off.


	11. Whiplash

CHAPTER 11: Whiplash

}"So it appears the corruption in Ponyville has been vanquished."{

["Really? That fast, huh? This guy's already proving to be a handful..."]

|"Does that mean Purple is done for?"|

="Spirits cannot die. Given enough time, he will rise again, stronger than ever before!"=

}"Indeed. He will return to aid us before long. We, however, need to focus on establishing our presence. Mr. Gray, anything to report?"{

~"I've spoken to our favorite Pokemon trainer and managed to recruit him to our side. He was quite easy to sway, given his history with the Knight so far!"~

_"You always were the best at seducing men."_

~"Again with the crude jokes, Lime? Don't make me sic Blue on you..."~

/"Blue does what Blue wants. Nubs."\

|"_I'd_ be happy to silence him. Too bad I'm nowhere near any of you."|

["Man, those color codenames are confusing. Why are we using them, again?"]

}"We have to be as cryptic as possible on this line. You never know who might be listening in."{

_"You got that right! Someone might be reading this off the Internet for all we know!"_

}"Anyway, continue the plan. Mr. Gray, I trust you and your new cohort can cover for Mr. Purple until he returns?"{

~"Oh, don't worry, Orange. Me and the new guy make for an unstoppable duo!"~

["And a cute couple!"]

~"Et tu, Red?"~

="Your foolish banter will be the death of us all..."=

_"Blahsadfeguie, it is morning. Please wake up."_

* * *

><p>Blah jolted awake, feeling like he had just been buried in a ton of bricks. Several distinct, colorful voices echoed incoherently in his head. Part of him did not want to leave that bed, and was perfectly content with sleeping another hour or so. "What time is it?" he mumbled.<p>

_"Seven forty five,"_ Sera responded. _"Ample time to get ready for the party."_

"I can afford another 5 minutes..." Blah rolled over, burying his head in the covers.

_"Perhaps so, but I would not count on it. Please get up."_

"Listen to your mother, Blah," taunted Cody, still sitting in his corner, still reading his book.

Hearing Cody's voice, Blah forced himself to sit up. "Don't you _ever_ sleep?"

"Don't you ever get out of bed?" Cody volleyed back, unmoving.

Blah reluctantly retrieved his glasses and slipped them on. He knew he didn't have a chance at sleeping as long as he was annoyed at Cody. He climbed out of bed, found his balance, and stretched his limbs.

_"Before we get started, there is something I must tell you," _announced Sera. _"It is something I discovered last night while meditating."_

"Can you wait until after the party to drop another bombshell on me?" Blah pleaded as he began to don his armor. "I have enough on my mind as it is. And it sounds like it might be most appropriate to bring up in front of Twilight."

_"Fair enough," _Sera abjured. _"It can probably wait a few hours."_

As Blah put on his helmet, Cody started to laugh. "What's so funny?" Blah confronted him, glaring sharply.

"That must be one heck of a party you're going to, if you need that much protection," remarked the guide.

Blah looked down at himself. "Well, once you get used to wearing this stuff, you kinda start to feel naked without it... and I mean, you never know what might happen in a world like this. Better safe than sorry, right?"

"Afraid Hailstorm might kill you if he sees you again?" joked Cody.

As the image crossed his mind, Blah froze for a few moments at the too-real possibility of it actually happening. "No, no," he denied, returning to gathering up his belongings. "I don't think Hail's the kind of guy who could kill anyone."

_"From what I gather," _added Sera, _"he did threaten to strangle you once."_

Blah froze again, turning slowly to look at the Abra. "How much of my mind have you been reading?"

_"The answer to that ties back to the thing I discovered last night," _she withheld. _"I take it you still do not want to hear it?"_

Blah's curiosity had nearly gotten the better of him. Whatever she discovered, he already knew that he played a major part in it somehow, but as much as he wanted to know what it could possibly be, he simply did not have time. "Yeah, just save it," he dismissed before he could think too deeply into it. Sera simply nodded in understanding.

Slinging his backpack around his shoulder, Blah caught sight of the Breaker sitting in the corner. He wondered how much it might weigh from inside his backpack, or if it would be practical at all to take with him. In Terraria, weight was never an issue as the inventory was just an abstract holding space for various items. He seemed to recall carrying loads and loads of freshly-mined ore from the caves, so maybe this would be no different.

Blah shrugged. No harm in trying. He set his backpack down, carefully lifted the sizable slammer, and lowered it into the bag. He was quite surprised to find that the pack weighed no more than it did before!

Instinctively, Blah turned toward the guide, who had the smirk of a modern-day man who had just witnessed a caveman discover fire for the first time. Blah opened his mouth to speak, but Cody held up his hand. "Don't question it," he instructed.

_"Are you ready, Blah?" _Sera asked. _"You have less than ten minutes remaining."_

"Assuming you can teleport me straight to the party, I can afford to goof around for most of that," said Blah as he ran his hands through his hair in lieu of a comb. Or a mirror. "But we might as well leave now."

_"Good."_ Without another word, Sera blinked on top of Blah's shoulders somewhat unexpectedly, causing the man to flinch.

_'This must be how Hail felt...' _thought Blah, already working out how best to apologize in his head.

"Save me some cake or something, would you?" Cody requested as he returned to his book.

"Oh, I'll save you _something_, all right..." muttered Blah as he and Sera vanished.

* * *

><p>Once Blah had gotten accustomed to the sudden change of lighting, he found himself standing smack dab in the middle of Ponyville on a busy market plaza, surrounded by stalls, carts, and goods. Ponies of all shapes, sizes, and colors trotted about on various agendas, visiting stalls and casually chatting with one another. The new arrivals began to slowly attract attention and stares from the locals, making Blah feel more and more awkward.<p>

_'This doesn't look like the party,' _observed Blah inwardly, hoping Sera would pick it up.

_"I can only directly teleport to a location either of us has personally seen," _Sera explained. _"We also do not know where the party is."_

Blah frowned. _'Oh. I probably should have asked Pinkie Pie when I had the chance...'_

He cleared his throat, knowing he likely wouldn't be able to avoid talking for much longer anyway. "Hi, excuse me," he greeted, causing the chatter in the area to die down. "would anyone happen to know where Pinkie Pie's having the party...?"

About ten ponies pointed down the northern road at once, where he immediately noticed a larger amount of traffic going than coming. "Why, it's at Sugarcube Corner," he heard one of them say.

Blah nodded, recognizing the place by name as the bakery where Pinkie worked. "Thanks," he said as he briefly tipped his helmet and began to head that way himself, assuming a rather brisk pace.

It was difficult to keep a low profile when he stood two feet above the crowd, and even more so with the Abra still riding on his shoulders and adding another foot or so. A party-going pony would occasionally say hi, to which Blah would respond with a nervous smile and a light wave. One group of mares were fixated on Seraphina, admiring how cute she and Blah looked together. Sera gave a passing, quizzical glance in their direction, causing them to laugh.

The door to Sugarcube Corner was wide open, and ponies were piling into it. Blah stopped nearby, taking a deep breath.

But before he could make his way inside, he caught a glimpse of something yellow and hairy behind the building. Something which twitched occasionally, but otherwise was perfectly still. He leaned a ways to the left to get a better view of it, spotting the flank of a gray-coated stallion. A blank flank.

_'That's that troubled earth pony from the other day...' _identified Blah. _'He seemed to desperately want my advice, but I never got the chance to talk to him.'_

_"Hailstorm pulled him away before you could talk any further," _Sera continued for him. _"You never even got his name."_

_'Yep, that's... that's right.' _Blah would have once again been concerned about how much Sera had been probing his mind, if he hadn't been reminded of how concerned he felt for this stallion. _'You go on inside, let everyone know I'll be there shortly. I'm going to nip this in the bud.'_

_"As you wish." _In seconds, Sera had disappeared from on top of Blah, presumably teleporting straight inside.

Blah navigated his way around the building, netting him a few curious looks from the other ponies, but otherwise undisturbed. The earth pony was staring through the window of the bakery, watching the party with a hint of longing. His head notably bobbed in time with a pink bouncing blob on the inside.

"Hey," called Blah as benignly as he could, but it still caused the pony to jump. When he looked back and saw Blah, his eyes grew wide. "I never did get your name."

"Oh, uh..." It was clear that the stallion did not expect to see Blah again, and it took him a moment to remember his own name. "Light Star."

"That's a cool name," Blah complimented. "Sure beats mine by a long shot..." He kneeled down to the confused Light Star's level. "So it's her you're after, isn't it?" He indicated the pink pony at the center of attention.

Light looked away, an embarrassed blush playing across his face. "Y-yeah..."

"Have you talked to her before?" Blah casually asked, hoping to ease him into the conversation.

"A couple times..." Light did not elaborate, merely shuffling his hooves.

"Didn't go so well, I take it?" sympathized Blah.

"Not really..." he said, exactly as Blah had predicted. Just before Blah concluded that this conversation would go nowhere, Light continued. "I thought I had worked up the courage to speak to her once. I went up to her room. I knocked on her door. We locked eyes... and I chickened out at the last second, instead asking to borrow the first thing I saw inside. A trumpet." He looked down. "That was a month ago. Now I can't even show my face around her. I just know she's going to chew me out for it."

"Chew you out for what?" A bright and bubbly voice cut in before Blah could even begin to comfort him. Light bore a look of genuine terror and fled behind Sugarcube Corner like an insect scuttling away from an encroaching foot. He was long gone in seconds.

Blah, unmoving, drew in a deep, slow breath, and exhaled loudly. "Pinkie Pie. You have. The greatest timing. Possible."

Pinkie giggled, blissfully ignorant of the scene that she had interrupted. "I get that a lot. Hee hee!" Blah turned, about to make his qualms exorbitantly clear, but Pinkie was far from done. "Anyway your cute little mind-talky friend said you'd be in here soon but a lot of ponies saw you going behind the building and it's nearly 8:00 so we were wondering if you even wanted to join us in the first place and what you could even be doing back here anyway?"

Blah leaned around the corner, checking to see if Light Star was anywhere in sight. When he didn't see him, Blah gave a sigh of surrender. "Nothing important. I'm coming."

The excitable mare bounced several feet in the air. "Awesome! You're going to love who we got to do the music!"

Blah began to follow her inside, unable to pay attention to her exhaustive list of all the things she had gotten for the party. He figured he might as well get his speech over with first thing, and so he had to get in the mindset for it. "Is Hailstorm here?" he asked, cutting Pinkie Pie short.

She didn't seem to mind, though. "Oh, of course he's here!" she affirmed. "I invited him personally, so you can say whatever you want to say to him or about him! Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the cake!"

_'That's a relief,' _Blah thought. _'I was worried he would ditch the party out of spite...'_

The human's entrance was met with a hearty cheer from the crowd. He waved. "Hello, everypony!" he greeted, hardly aware of his language. He scanned the area in search of Sera, and spotted her sitting on top of a table surrounded by a contingent of awed foals. Her face was expressionless as usual, but Blah could tell by her scrunched-up posture that she was feeling a little overwhelmed.

He also found Hailstorm in the corner by himself, giving him a semi-patient glare over a plate of cake. Blah nodded at him in acknowledgement, to which Hail rolled his eyes.

On his way to the front, Blah snagged an untouched glass of root beer and took a huge gulp of it to prepare him for his next course of action. He cleared his throat. "Alrighty, before we get into it," he began, stepping up onto the stage, "I'd just like to say a few words."

He had the attention of pretty much the entire room. He wasn't sure if he'd ever had this many eyes on him before. He took another swig of the soft drink, which seemed to quell the frog in his throat long enough for him to continue. "When the Eater of Worlds was defeated and the corruption faded, I was left standing in the midst of a cheering crowd. I let all the praise and attention get to my head, and accepted all the credit. The truth is, I wasn't the only one who fought the thing. I had the help of two very brave ponies, without whom I could not have even hoped to succeed. In fact, I probably would have died if not for their help." Hailstorm perked up. "Those ponies were Twilight Sparkle and Hailstorm. Get on up here, you two!"

The ponies were notably more surprised to hear Hailstorm's name than Twilight's, and the majority of their collective gaze shifted towards the pegasus, causing him to shrink away out of instinct. Twilight beckoned him over as she stepped up next to Blah. Regathering himself, Hail made his modest way through the crowd and positioned himself on Blah's other side.

With all three of the true heroes in front, the crowd began to cheer and stomp their hooves. All at once, Hailstorm felt the same admiration and gratefulness that Blah did the other day, and even though it was a day late, there was no denying that it was great. Hail may have been a pegasus, but this was the first time he could truly say he felt like he was on top of the world.

"Thank you..." he uttered, the only words he could manage to say.

"No, Hail, thank _you_," Blah echoed, regardless of whether the pegasus's thank was directed at him or at the townsponies. "Without your help, your specific advice, a lot of innocent ponies would have died as well. When I was being selfish, you kept me from doing something stupid. And, despite me completely stealing the spotlight when we were done, you decided to give me a second chance here today. I honestly could not ask for a better friend."

Hail chuckled. "Well, to be honest, it was Pinkie Pie's promise of cake that sold me the deal..."

"Are you sure you didn't have a change of heart after all?" Twilight playfully questioned. "I mean, let's face it, you did _kind of _overreact."

Blah smirked. "You mean he _wasn't_ fully justified in keeping Light Star away from me?"

Hail sighed. "Yeah... I had a talk with Twilight as well, and she helped me realize that I was being a little over dramatic. Sorry about that."

"Hey, if you can forgive me, I can forgive you," Blah stated, his arms wide.

"You just have to understand that you can't exactly expect anyone to keep his cool going up against a giant, starving, demonic worm," asserted Hail. "I still can't believe how well you handled it."

Thinking back, Blah wasn't entirely sure how he did it himself. "I guess when you're in a life-or-death situation, you kinda have to keep your head in the game to survive. You don't really have time to panic or even think." Blah shrugged. "It just takes some people longer than others to realize that. But I'm sure you'll get used to it before long."

Hail took a step back with a nervous laugh. "I don't intend to do any more monster-hunting anytime soon."

"Oh, come on," Blah encouraged. "You have to admit, that fight was pretty awesome."

"It might have been 'awesome'," Twilight admitted, "but that doesn't mean you should go _looking_ for trouble. The most important part of heroism is humility."

"Anyway, aren't we supposed to be partying?" Hail asked. "I kinda wanted to get back to my cake."

Blah resolved to save the rest of what he had to say for later, as he was also eager to get to the party. He smiled, patting Hail's head. "Go eat your cake, man." He turned to the crowd. "And what are you all staring at? Let's-"

"PARTY!" Pinkie Pie, sporting a colorful party hat and dual-wielding party poppers, dove in front of the heroes on her back knees and unleashed a flurry of confetti into the air. The music cued in as well, filling the room with an upbeat bass-heavy rhythm, already drawing out the high-energy dancers. In just two seconds, the party went from 0 to 60 and kept it there.

Blah made a beeline for the cake, as well as a refill of root beer. He was less interested in the dancing and more interested in the games, so as he ate, he casually made his way around, scoping the place out. A lot of the ponies he passed were quite interested in him, but he could barely hear their questions over the music. Most of the time, he just smiled and nodded.

Eventually, he found a group of unicorns, including Twilight, throwing magnetic darts at a dartboard. Just about all of them were very precise, but Blah wanted to see how he'd compare anyway. Only two of his darts even hit the board, but there were plenty of laughs and Blah had a great time shooting the breeze and sipping root beer between tosses.

As Blah reached for his next dart, something big, round, and yellow caught his eye. He looked up and saw what appeared to be a tall pony with a large afro standing in the distance. It was such an out-of-place, perfectly round hairdo that it sucked him out of the experience for a moment.

The vivid yellow coloration suddenly reminded him of Seraphina, and the fact that he hadn't even seen her since the party started.

"What's the matter, Blah?" asked one of the unicorns.

"I completely forgot about someone," Blah said, standing on his tip-toes and searching the party for anything else yellow and not a pony. Which was difficult, considering at least a third of all the ponies present had some sort of yellow on them somewhere. "Has anypony seen Seraphina...?"

"You mean that psychic fox who came in shortly before you did?" questioned Twilight. "I was just starting to wonder about her myself..."

Blah carefully climbed on top of one of the tables, getting a better view, but before long, a large afro walked in front of him, blocking it. "Hey!" he shouted. "Do you m..."

When he looked down at the pony, he saw that it was quite clearly someone in a poorly-made horse costume. Even its cutie mark was a crude drawing of a unicorn.

"Do I mmm-what?" the fake pony responded with a startlingly deep, angry voice, staring at Blah with a stitched-up face and a droopy eye. "You got a problem with tall ponies, pal?"

"Yeah, do you?" came a higher-pitched, muffled voice from inside the oversized back half of the costume.

Blah had to wonder what the heck was in that root beer, and if drinking four glasses of it had any permanent side-effects. "I... no," he answered. "I just have a problem with ponies, or whatever you are, standing in my way while I'm looking for someone..."

"Looking for someone, you say?" the afro-sporting stranger said. "Maybe I can help! My name's Marshmallow Buttercup." A thick, tan human arm tore its way out of the horse costume to shake Blah's hand.

"And I'm Petunia Glitterbottom!" A scrawny white arm did the same from the horse's flank.

Blah shook both of the costume's occupants' hands uneasily. "Blahsadfeguie..." he introduced in a confused tone, looking at Twilight for guidance. She merely raised an eyebrow, as if Blah was talking to a perfectly normal pony and she had no idea what the problem was.

"Now," began Marshmallow Buttercup, "would this missing person happen to be a short yellow fox-like creature with psychic powers named Seraphina?"

Blah furrowed his brow. "What an oddly specific question. I haven't even told you anything about her yet." His confusion turned instantly into suspicion.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Petunia Glitterbottom prompted.

Blah scoffed, looking back at Twilight. "Come on, you can't honestly sit there and tell me there's nothing peculiar about this."

Twilight seemed taken aback. "What are you talking about? Marshmallow and Petunia are valued and respected members of the community. If anypony can help you find Seraphina, it's them."

"That is so typical of outsiders," Marshmallow sighed, turning away from Blah with arms crossed. "They just _have_ to judge us based on our appearance."

"So much for being a great hero," Petunia chided.

As genuine as Twilight was, Blah once again began to doubt himself. _'Is this some kind of test...?' _He shook his head. _'No... there's something weird going on and it seems only I can see it.'_

He cleared his throat. "Alright, you two, whatever spell you have on these poor ponies ends now. Take this!" With both arms, he grabbed the tacky costume and yanked it off of the both of them in one swift motion. The party ground to a halt as the "valued and respected members of the community" were exposed for what they really were.

Out of everyone present, Blah was perhaps the most shocked. Before him stood a tall man with a muscular upper body, wearing white-rimmed shades, with the blonde afro presumably being his real hair. Behind him was a round, orange creature with multiple protruding spines, making him resemble a sun, and spindly white limbs.

Blah's issue was that he recognized both of them.

"Aw man!" exclaimed the sun-like creature who Blah knew as Don Patch. "He totally blew our cover!"

"You saw through our disguise like it was just a cheap halloween costume..." the tall man, appropriately named Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, observed.

Twilight finally managed to lift her jaw off of the floor and speak. "It was just an illusion this whole time..." she uttered. "The fact that they went by two different names probably should have been a huge tip-off..."

Blah was too busy freaking out internally to provide any snarky commentary on the matter. This was Bo-bobo and Don Patch, two characters from a bizarre Japanese cartoon that he particularly liked growing up. His obsession over it probably would have lasted even to the present day if the show hadn't been cancelled, but he was still shocked to see his childhood role models in the flesh regardless.

"Hey..." Don continued. "Do you think he could be... The Cosmic Crusader?"

"The Warrior of the Worlds?" Bo-bobo added.

"The Miner '89er?"

"The Extra-Terrestrial Terrarian?"

They both gasped in unison. "The Chosen One...?"

Hearing those words, Blah threw up his hands. "All right," he cried, "enough is enough."

"Yeah," Twilight added, having shaken off the disbelief. "What I want to know is who you are and why you've been deceiving everypony for this long."

"And _how_, for that matter," Blah finished.

"Oh, have we got an answer for you!" Bo-bobo confidently replied, suddenly wearing a black leather jacket and gold-tinted sunglasses, as well as what looked like a literal ton of gold jewelry. Don Patch showed off a similar amount of bling as well as knuckle bracelets saying "COOL" and "YEAH". "Yo, DJ, give us a beat!"

A man made out of shaky, semi-translucent blue gelatin came out of nowhere and leaped onto the stage, shoving the flabbergasted Vinyl Scratch away from the turntables and kicking off a percussion-heavy backing track.

"Yo my name is Bo, to the Bo, to the Bo," rapped Bo-bobo, accentuating his lyrics with wild gestures.

"Patch, Don Patch, yeah you know how it go," rapped Don Patch.

_'Is this really happening...?' _Blah thought.

"Got a tip from the big guy, heard there was a new hero," Bo-bobo continued.

"So we went down to Ponyville, going in-cog-ni-to!" Don added.

"We had to wait, cause we knew he'd take the bait,"

"And once he did, we'd show him how to control his fate!"

"You see, magic is a tree, branches off in many sprees,"

"For the branch that we control, will-power is the key!"

"Cause our man Blahsadfeguie, through our disguise he did see,"

"With his potential, yet recessed, in the same magic as we!"

"You know, Don, your rapping is really weak," Bo-bobo shouted at Don, breaking the rhythm of his own song. The gelatinous DJ persisted, obliviously scratching the discs.

"Not as weak as that afro of yours, Disco Stupid!" Don barked back. The scratching accelerated until it was more scratch than song.

The two wannabe rappers gave their DJ the evil eye. "And Jelly Jiggler," addressed Bo-bobo angrily, "you're the lamest of them all!"

"Yeah, just face it," Don pointed at the quivering Jelly, "you'll never be as good as DJ, the real DJ!"

"But anyone can scratch a disc, see?" Jelly began to rapidly scratch the disc again, becoming more and more aggressive with it. "See?!"

"No, you're doing it wrong!" claimed Don, stepping up to the turntables and knocking the amateur out with an oversized boxing glove. "This is how you scratch!" He produced a set of claws, a wooden backscratcher, and a pool cue, proceeding to play the turntables like a drum set.

"Would you mind stopping this silly banter and explaining yourselves in a way we can actually understand?" demanded Twilight, but her words fell on deaf ears.

"From what I gather," Blah cut in before his idols could butcher another genre of music, "they heard about how great I apparently am and hid out here, waiting for me to show up and use my apparently latent skill in... uh..."

He knew the branch of magic they were talking about had a name, but he couldn't quite remember it, and the three stooges were too busy arguing to fill him in. "Well whatever it was, I used it to reveal them, and that's how they knew I was the one. And I guess they want to help me develop that skill." As he finished, the weight of what he had spoken suddenly hit him. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, the master of madness himself, wanted to share his secrets with Blah. _'No way,' _Blah denied. _'I must still be dreaming... I should've known by how well that speech went earlier...'_

The idea of a branch of magic that Twilight had not heard of bothered her. "What sort of magic could go undetected by every unicorn in Ponyville for this long?" she pondered.

"Hajike is not really 'magic', per se," Bo-bobo answered while Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler fought over the turntables in the background.

Blah snapped his fingers. "Hajike, that was it!" he exclaimed. "Isn't it just... pure randomness, or something?" Blah realized that he never really understood how it worked either.

"'Randomness'? Pfffft." Bo-bobo scoffed. "That is such an umbrella term. Stop using it!" He whacked Blah over the head with a pink umbrella that seemed to have appeared out of thin air. "Stop it! Stop it!" He whacked him several more times.

"Ow, ow, I only said it once..." Blah complained.

"Oh, sorry, I was talking to myself." He put the umbrella away. "I get carried away and have to tell myself to stop sometimes. Anyway, Hajike draws its energy from the subconscious mind." As he explained, his twitching left arm slowly reached behind himself for the umbrella again. Nonchalantly slapping his left arm with his right, he continued. "There's a lot of untapped potential in the dark corners of the brain. The art of Hajike is learning how to utilize and control it." His arm crept back again, only to be thwarted once more by his other.

"For someone who claims to be an expert on the subject," Twilight cut in skeptically, "neither you nor your, er, _accomplices_, seem to be able to control it very well." She leaned around the tan human, watching Don and Jelly engage in an epic slap-fight.

"Well," Blah defended his idols, "when you open your mind to chaos, you're bound to have to make _some_ sacrifices. Like sanity. And a bit of self-control."

"I never said I didn't want to do any of this!" shouted Bo-bobo, now wielding an umbrella in each hand and pointing their previously unseen gun barrels directly at Blah. There was a burst of panic between Blah, Twilight, and the other onlookers, until the two umbrella guns started firing peanuts. Slow-moving peanuts that barely made it halfway across the room before bouncing on the floor.

"Five-second rule!" cried an excited Pinkie Pie as she mopped up all of the peanuts like a vacuum cleaner.

"You too, Pinkie?" sighed Twilight.

"You know, it wouldn't surprise me if all of Pinkie's antics turned out to be Hajike as well..." Blah mused to himself.

His speculation was cut short when he felt a tap on his shoulder, causing him to jump. "Uh, Blahsadfeguie, sir...?"

He turned around to see Fluttershy standing rather scrunched up behind him. "Jeez, don't sneak up on me like that," snapped Blah. "When did _you_ get here, anyway?"

She seemed taken aback. "I'm so sorry... I've, uh, been here since the party started..." she quietly explained. Blah narrowed his eyes, mustering up the patience to listen to the shrinking, shaking pegasus. "I understand you're excited about this, um, Hajike thing, but have you already forgotten about... you know... Seraphina?"

Blah's eyes widened. He slapped his forehead. "Crap, I forgot about her _again..._" He pointed an accusatory finger at Bo-bobo, who was now shooting peanuts directly into Pinkie's mouth. "I blame you for distracting me. Didn't you say you knew something?"

"Oh, yeah," Bo-bobo said, nonchalantly sticking a finger up his nose. "Some guys with weird hair dressed in white snatched her up while everyone was listening to your speech. They're escaping in that balloon." He pointed out of the window where, sure enough, a hot air balloon was visible in the distance.

Everyone who was still paying attention rushed outside to get a better look. Blah could barely make out that the balloon was shaped like a cat's head. "Team Rocket? Seriously?" Blah shot a burning glare back at Bo-bobo. "Why didn't you tell us this sooner?!"

"We had that rap on our minds and wanted to focus on perfecting it," the Hajike expert shrugged.

"Oh, pardon me, that time was _certainly_ well-spent!" yelled Blah. "How are we going to catch up to them now?"

"Don't worry, Blah." Glancing over, Blah saw a familiar white pegasus taking to the air, crossbow at the ready. "You've still got me." He zoomed off towards the balloon as fast as his two wings could carry him.

"He's had that crossbow on him the whole time?" questioned Blah. "Also, he could've brought me with him..."

"I don't think that would've helped his speed," Twilight pointed out. "Anyway, who's Team Rocket?"

"They're an organized crime syndicate bent on stealing rare and powerful Pokemon. I can see why they'd be after Seraphina..." Blah laughed. "They're incompetent idiots, though. Hail's got this in the bag."

No one had any reason to believe Blah didn't know what he was talking about, so they watched as the crossbowpony closed in on the criminals' balloon. A loud CRACK echoed through the town, to which Blah smirked. "And that'd be their balloon popping. Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

"In that case..." a concerned Twilight argued, "why is Hail falling out of the sky?"

"What do you-" Blah started, but cut himself short when he realized Twilight was speaking the truth. The balloon was undamaged, and Hail dropped like a rock. Blah's heart rapidly sank as he realized that the loud noise was not the balloon.

It was a gunshot.


	12. The Pursuit

CHAPTER 12: The Pursuit

Blahsadfeguie broke into a sprint. He knew he wouldn't be able to reach Hailstorm before he hit the ground, but with an obscene amount of luck, he might be able to do so before he died.

"What _was_ that?" Twilight Sparkle panted, following closely behind him.

"Something Team Rocket shouldn't be using..." Blah called back, leaving it at that. All he could afford to think about at that point was getting Hail the help he needed while he still had the chance.

By the time he reached the site of Hail's landing, the pain in Blah's chest was hard to bear. Whether it was from the running or the thought of losing his friend, all he knew was that it could not compare to the pain the pegasus must have felt. Hail was sprawled out in a patch of grass, blood pouring from the two wounds in his upper body where the bullet must have entered and exited. Several of his bones had broken from the fall. On top of all of that, he seemed to be having trouble breathing, but the fact that he was trying at all was enough to keep Blah going. He reached into his backpack for one of Applejack's cider-potions.

"Are you sure it's safe to feed him a potion in his condition?" Fluttershy asked. "It looks like his lung was hit... he might choke..."

"He's not going to make it if we don't at least try!" retorted Blah as he kneeled down to administer the treatment. "Hang on, buddy..." he encouraged, pouring the liquid down Hail's throat. "Stay cool, drink this, you'll be fine..."

As soon as Blah emptied the bottle, Hail began to cough violently. The bleeding slowed, stopping entirely before too long, and he felt his broken bones snap back into place. When the coughing stopped, he gasped, leading into heavy, yet stable breathing. The potion had cured him of much of his injury, but not quite enough to give him the strength to stand again. He gazed weakly up at Blah with eyes that had witnessed the face of death.

"Th-thank you," he wheezed.

With Hail stabilized, Blah moved on to his next concern: Seraphina. Team Rocket's balloon had nearly flown out of sight by that point, and he was not about to let them get away, especially not after what they did to Hail. "Don't we have more pegasi?" demanded Blah, still panting. "Send Rainbow Dash or something!"

"We can't just blindly send in ponies to their deaths!" Twilight refuted. "We need a plan first."

"We don't have time for a plan, they're getting away!" Unsure what else to do, Blah began to pursue the balloon on foot, but what little remained of his stamina was not nearly enough to catch up. The balloon disappeared behind the tree line. Blah kicked the air in frustration, not bothering to stop himself from landing on his butt.

He sat on the ground, hunched over and working out where to place the blame. He and the entire crowd were so engaged in that speech that they completely missed Sera's abduction, with the apparent exception of Bo-bobo and his pals, none of whom seemed to care.

It didn't make any sense. How could the man he idolized for several years turn out to be completely unreliable? Surely he could only blame himself for failing to pay attention. There was something unpleasantly ironic about the fact that, while repairing one of his friendships, he has neglected to protect another.

"Blah, it's not your fault," Twilight sympathized, reading him like a book. She sat down next to him. "You can't always be prepared for everything."

"Yeah, but... whose fault _is _it?" asked Blah.

"You don't always need someone to blame. If anyone, you should blame Team Rocket." She patted him on the back. "We'll catch them eventually. If they're after all kinds of creatures like Seraphina, they'll strike again. We just need to-"

The obnoxious sound of a fast-approaching motorcycle engine drowned out the mare's planning. Blah rose up with his anger, turning towards the cyclist and shouting. "Look, pal, can't you see we're-"

When he saw that the driver was Bo-bobo, his anger waned. His motorcycle was a vivid orange and bore Don Patch's face, and now that he was listening, he noticed that the motor sound was just Don saying "vroom, vroom" over and over. "Hop on," invited Bo-bobo, sporting a sleek leather jacket and patting the seat behind him. "I'll take you for a ride."

Blah's hope returned in an instant. "I should've known better than to doubt you, Bo-bobo!" he cried, climbing onto the seat. Instinctively, he put his arms around Bo-bobo's waist for lack of a proper seatbelt, but withdrew them when he noticed that instead of a leather jacket, Bo-bobo was wearing a flowing white dress.

He looked back at Blah with a face covered in way too much make-up. "Ooh, I didn't know you were into that," Bo-bobo swooned in a falsetto voice.

Twilight's eyes widened. Blah shuddered. He knew that Bo-bobo was an occasional crossdresser, but seeing (and feeling) it in person was just plain uncanny. "Please just drive," he pleaded, looking away as he sheepishly secured himself.

Bo-bobo faced back to the front with a disappointed look on his face. "Party pooper."

He revved up the Donbike. "Vroooom, vrooooom!" screeched Don Patch as the motorcycle accelerated, reaching breakneck speeds. Blah would have been satisfied, perhaps even thrilled, if not for the fact that the bike was headed in the opposite direction.

Twilight sighed, watching the bike disappear into the horizon. "Okay, maybe it wouldn't be too out of line to blame these guys..."

Blah's screams were muffled as he found himself pressed firmly into Bo-bobo's back from the force. It felt like he might have changed back into the leather jacket at some point, but that didn't matter now. "Frwrd drv, frwrd drv!" he shouted.

"What?!" Bo-bobo yelled back. He seemed to be enjoying the ride, at least.

"I think he said 'forward drive'!" Don Patch helpfully remarked, while continuing to move full speed in reverse.

"There's a forward?" questioned Bo-bobo, scratching his head as he contemplated the console full of thousands of buttons and dials.

Blah finally managed to wrench himself from the driver's back. "Let me see that!" He desperately slammed his palm onto the controls. "Ploink, ploink, ploink!" chimed in Don between vrooms. Three red Koopa shells appeared and began to circle the bike, whose trajectory had not changed in the slightest.

"Use the shell, use the shell!" Bo-bobo ordered as he and Blah scuffled for control of the bike.

"Not yet, it'll crash into a wall!" Blah argued back.

"A curve! Drift, drift, _drift_!"

"We're on automatic powerslide, it's taken care of!"

A cloud, upon which rode Jelly Jiggler, descended from the sky and followed them. Jelly held up a sign politely reminding them that they were going the wrong way. Naturally, nobody cared.

"Only scrubs use automatic! You are on a _bike_ for crying out loud!"

"But I have a golden Wii Wheel!"

"Only scrubs use Wii Wheels! Use a Gamecube controller!"

"Screw this, I'm ragequitting!"

"No, don't! Think of the VR you'll lose!"

But it was too late. Blah had already hit a big red button on the console marked "RAGEQUIT" in bold lettering. "Eeeeeerk!" Don Patch screeched to a halt, and there was silence.

Blah took a look around. They were in the middle of some random field, with no landmarks in sight. Not even Ponyville.

"Well!" Blah loudly complained, throwing his arms up. "This got us absolutely everywhere. Now I'm afraid we'll never make it back to _civilization_, let alone catching up with that balloon..." He groaned. "Why did I ever think trusting you guys would be a good idea?"

"Tsk tsk tsk..." Bo-bobo shook his head. "Son, you've got a lot to learn. Sometimes to take a few steps forward, you first need to take a hundred steps backward. Right, Don Patch?"

Blah prepared to retaliate, but Don quickly cut in.

"No, I think he's right, Bo-bobo!" shouted Don Patch. Bo-bobo gasped dramatically. "All you ever do is ride me around like a... like a horse! And you can lead a horse to McBurger Town, but you can't make him eat off the Ninety-Nine Cent Menu!"

Bo-bobo was flabbergasted. "But... but I thought you liked their chicken burritos..."

"All they do is give me gas and you know it," pouted Don.

"Wait, isn't that what you want?" Blah questioned. "You are a motorcycle, after all..."

Both the rider and the vehicle gave him a strange look. "The heck are you smokin'?" Bo-bobo asked. "This isn't a motorcycle, it's a jet plane."

Blah looked down at the bike, which had shifted into the shape of a small airplane somehow without him noticing. Don was no bigger than he was before, though, and he still had an elevated motorcycle seat.

He shrugged it off, too upset to give it another thought. "Even so, it'd still take gas, wouldn't it? I mean, what else would it run on? Rainbows?"

Seeing the massive grins on Bo-bobo and Don Patch's faces made Blah instantly regret asking that. "As a matter of fact..." Bo-bobo introduced. "Show him, Patch!"

"Don Patch is blasting off agaaaaain!" Blah clung tightly to the seat as the Donjet literally blasted off in an explosion of rainbows, leaving a multi-colored trail and rapidly heading back in the direction they came from.

Blah could barely hear his own screams amidst the roar of the wind and Don's voice mimicking a jet engine. How could such speed be possible, even with Hajike? On a whim, he looked behind himself at the rainbow trail and spotted a similarly-colored flowing mane in front of a light blue mass that seemed to be propelling the jet.

"Rainbow Dash?" he shouted.

"Haha, funny story, actually!" A face looked up at him. It was Jelly Jiggler. "They couldn't convince Rainbow Dash to help them, so I dressed up like her instead! Pretty cool, huh?"

"Wait, you mean you're not Rainbow Dash?!" Bo-bobo bellowed. "Get outta here!" He stomped down on Jelly's back, dislodging him from the plane.

"I knew I should've been Fluttershy...!" cried Jelly, spiraling down and crashing in a violent, colorful explosion on the surface.

Blah figured Jelly would be fine. All he had to worry about was finally catching that balloon, which was still airborne and approaching fast. In fact, they were on a collision course for the basket. Before any of the occupants of either vessel could react, the Donjet smashed through the side of the basket, spilling its contents into it.

"Ugh, and here I thought we were home free..."

"You are quite resourceful, I'll give you that."

Neither of those voices sounded like members of Team Rocket that he knew about. He was pretty sure he had heard the first one before, however. Wrenching his head around, he caught sight of Sera's abductees. The first one was someone he didn't expect to see again so soon: Bob Sladfigy, wearing a brand-new white uniform with a red letter "R" on the front. _'So much for making it up to him...' _Blah thought.

The other was a tall, lean man around 30 years of age. His hair was grayish-white, probably dyed, and slickly combed back, and he wore a white suit, suggesting that he was a higher-ranking Rocket henchman - an executive. His confident smirk was reinforced by a golden revolver, pointed straight at Blah's head.

Blah slowly rose from his awkward position on the floor of the basket, holding up both of his hands submissively. As he did so, he rolled his eyes to the side, where he could see Seraphina inside some sort of magenta bubble. She was perfectly still, possibly asleep or in a trance. _'Sera... can you hear me?' _he thought, hoping she could still communicate with him. There was no response.

"You were unwise to chase us here..." the executive coldly explained. "Such a pitiful trainer, attached so fiercely to your pet that you feel you must risk your life to rescue it."

Blah scowled. "Sera isn't a pet!" he shouted. "She's a friend, and the only one I know of who knows more about this world than I do!"

"You should watch your tone of voice when you're on the wrong end of a firearm." He cocked the gun, and Blah zipped his lips. "Now, I'll give you five seconds to explain why you're not worth one bullet."

"Uh... Edwin, sir? ...didn't you say we had to keep him alive...?" Bob cut in, almost as nervous as Blah was.

Edwin gave Bob a fiery glare. "You weren't supposed to mention that in front of him, you incompetent ignoramus..."

"I don't know what that is but I'm assuming it's an insult and I did bad," Bob uttered, shrinking into the corner.

While Edwin was distracted, Don Patch, back to his old sunny self, was in the middle of sneaking around him. "Dogpile!" he cried, jumping onto his back and bringing him to the floor.

"What the... release me, orange dwarf!" He kicked at Don, even attempting to fire a shot at him - but he accidentally hit the balloon and the entire vessel began to drop rapidly. Bo-bobo, giggling like a schoolgirl, jumped on top of the pile as well and their combined bulk was too much for Edwin.

Blah took the opportunity to draw his weapon and address Bob. "Ok, wise guy, what are you doing in Team Rocket?" He went with the Breaker instead of his silver hammer in an attempt to appear more intimidating, and it probably would have worked if Bob wasn't already intimidated by his partner's authority.

"Well, they offered me a spot with decent pay, in exchange for telling them everything I knew about you..." informed Bob, twiddling his thumbs, "...which admittedly wasn't much, but it was enough. And I wanted a good chance to strengthen my Pokemon after our embarrassing loss to that Abra of yours."

"There are other ways to do that than joining the Pokemon Mafia," Blah protested. "Now, set Seraphina free and I won't have to- whoa!"

The balloon hit the ground, causing everyone who was still standing to tumble over. The basket fell apart, and the balloon flopped down on top of everyone. By the time everyone got untangled and separated, Bob was holding up six different Pokeballs.

"Being a criminal is tougher than being a goody two-shoes!" Bob argued. "By the time I'm done with them, my Pokemon will know no limits, and no mercy! And _you_ are going to be their first lesson!"

Blah looked at the six Pokeballs in disbelief. "You're sending your entire team out at once? You can barely control _one_ of your Pokemon, let alone six..."

"You'd be surprised," taunted Bob. "All right, team, let's show him who the real master is!" He threw down his Pokeballs, creating a bright flash of light. In addition to Saucha, Franz, and Tryder, Blah found himself staring down a Gallade, a Typhlosion, and a Butterfree. All of them looked just as vengeful as their trainer, even Saucha. Bob probably wouldn't be able to directly control them, but Blah knew they were at least smart enough to act on their own, and facing them all directly would be no easy task.

He glanced over at his allies, knowing that he'd need all the help he could get, but they were too busy keeping Edwin preoccupied. Bo-bobo, clad in a full-body koala suit, was clinging onto him quite stubbornly as he danced around, trying to reach him with his pistol.

"Silly tree, stay still so I can climb you for delicious fruit!" Bo-bobo scolded.

Don Patch sat on top of Edwin's head as the fruit. "I'm feeling just peachy today!"

Blah slowly inhaled, lifting his heavy weapon into something resembling a ready position. At least Bo-bobo and Don Patch were distracting the one with the gun, but would it really take two of them? How long could Blah last alone against a full team of six Pokemon?

He exhaled. Hajike is based on willpower. If Blah couldn't summon the willpower to fight the odds, to defend Hailstorm, Seraphina, and all of the innocent lives threatened by forces like Team Rocket, then he would have no chance of living up to Bo-bobo's expectations. He would have no chance of living up to _anyone's_ expectations.

With that thought in mind, the Breaker was as light as a feather.

Bob thrusted his arm forward, pointing a commanding finger at Blah. "Go, my army! Let him know why he should have never crossed Bob Sladfigy!"

To Blah's surprise, Franz acted immediately, without waiting for his trainer's orders. Surrounding himself in water, the Buizel soared into the air like a missile. Blah held his hammer back in anticipation, but as he did so, a pulsating light from the corner of his eye drew his concentration away. The Typhlosion blew a Flamethrower at Blah, contributing to a double-pronged attack. He jumped back to dodge the flames, but in doing so, lost his focus on Franz and prevented him from countering the Aqua Jet, the collision sending Blah stumbling backwards and covered in water.

By that time, he noticed Tryder was heading straight for him with his own full-body tackle, a Double-Edge attack. Blah lifted the Breaker above him and spiked the Togetic into the ground. His arms ached from swinging around such a massive weight, but the satisfaction of the heavy damage made it all worth it - until a surge of electricity coursed through his damp and conductive body from behind. Tryder had simply been another distraction for Saucha's move.

Despite feeling numb all over, Blahsadfeguie managed to remain standing, but he was stunned long enough for the Gallade to approach with a Slash attack. Blah barely got the handle of his Breaker between them to block it, but the Gallade bounced off of it to reveal the Butterfree, who had a Psybeam ready. It felt as though a grenade went off inside his head. This left him wide open to Franz's second attack, a solid Aqua Tail which smashed into his ribs. His brain scrambled and his body weak, he collapsed.

When the ringing in his ears cleared, all he could hear was Bob's laughter. "Nicely done, Phaunt!" he praised his Butterfree. "Now, Blah, if you know what's best for you, you'd be surrendering about now."

Part of him wanted to do just that. Part of him screamed at the rest of him, reminding him that taking on an entire team of trained Pokemon by himself was a ridiculously stupid idea. But he had to commit. He had to press on, not only for himself, but for his friends. He maintained hope that Bo-bobo and Don Patch would come through for him before long.

He struggled to climb to his knees. "Never," he strained. "I will... _never_... surrender to the likes of-"

His speech was cut short by the noise that he dreaded to hear. A gunshot. He cast a frantic gaze in Edwin's direction, only to see a clear, straight bullet hole in Bo-bobo's stomach.

"No..." uttered Blah as he watched Bo-bobo keel over, clutching the wound.

Edwin stood up, threw Don Patch off of him and brushed himself off. "That was a pain. Now, where were we? Ah yes, gun pointed at your face." He drew his revolver again. "Not a bad job, my dear Robert, but you've done enough. Now, Blah, come quietly and I will not put a bullet between your eyes."

"But Bob said that you needed me alive," Blah retorted. "You can't kill me!"

Edwin, grinning evilly, held his arm firm, his finger remaining tensed on the trigger. "Perhaps, but you've been a major thorn in my side. I have no problem dispatching of pests like yourself, the haze from my boss is worth it."

Blah took a moment to remember the Rocket hierarchy. "Giovanni?" he identified. "What... what could he possibly want with _me_?"

Edwin chuckled. "You really think this is still about stealing Pokemon, don't you? Poor boy. I haven't the heart to keep you living with your own ignorance." He cocked the gun. "Say goodbye to your 'friends', Blahsadfeguie."

"Surprise!" Bo-bobo said, diving onto Edwin from behind despite the visible hole in his stomach. "This hole was already here!"

"What?! Impossible!" Bo-bobo reached for Edwin's gun, and he strained to pull it away from him. The two danced around each other in a comic squabble for control of the weapon. "One would think... that bullets... should be enough... to kill a man...!"

"Super Fist of the Nose Hair!" cried Bo-bobo as he sat on the gunslinger's shoulders, wrapping his snakelike nosehairs around the man's torso. "Take me to the moon, Rocket!" He had finally wrangled the gun from him and held it high above his head.

"Ground control to Major Bo!" sang Don Patch, speaking into a pink toy walkie talkie. "Take your protein pills and put on your afro!"

Smoke billowed out from beneath the two of them, originating from a place Blah did not want to know about. Edwin struggled to free himself, frustrated and confused.

"Lift off!" Like a literal rocket, the pair soared a blazing trail into the sky.

"How is this happening...?!" screamed Edwin as they ascended faster and faster, desperately trying to loosen Bo-bobo's vice-grip hairlock, but to no avail.

Blah, Don Patch, Bob and all of his team watched the two ascend into the sky, with Bo-bobo's resounding "Wheeeeeeeeee..."

It was clear that this was the last that any of them would see of Edwin, or Bo-bobo for that matter, for a good while.

"Okay, whether that really happened or not," Bob finally said, "it doesn't matter in the slightest. If you're not going to surrender, I'm still going to destroy you. So, this is your last chance."

Blah looked over at Don Patch. He knew that even without Bo-bobo, Don was still a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps the two of them would have a chance after all, especially with Edwin out of the picture for now.

He whipped out another one of his cider potions, downing the whole thing. His strength rapidly returning, he stood up, tall and confident, and stared Bob down. "I told you already," he asserted. "Blahsadfeguie does not surrender."

"You sure about that?" questioned the voice at his side. Blah glanced back at Don Patch quizzically, certainly not expecting him to consider backing down. "It's six against two! We could get steamrolled, all because you want to save some pet that you could probably find another of by walking in a field for a couple of minutes..."

Bob grinned. "Yes, listen to the pop rock," he suggested. "We wouldn't want anyone dying unnecessarily, would we?"

Blah did not even listen to Bob. He was still having difficulty believing what Don had just said. "Seraphina is _not_ 'some pet'!" Blah corrected. "She's a friend, one of a kind! She's the only one in this world who understands me! I'm not about to selfishly abandon her just because I can find a replacement who happens to look exactly like her..." He gripped the rough, dark handle tightly as he faced Bob's team with unwavering determination. "I don't care _what_ the odds are. I'll take on Hell itself if it means protecting anyone and everyone I care about."

Some of Bob's Pokemon began to show signs of doubt. Perhaps it was Blah's confidence, or perhaps it was his ideals, but something about him made the villain's minions question their loyalty to Bob's cause.

"Okay, if you say so, kid..." Don replied. "I mean, I can try to keep you from getting killed, but no promises..."

Blah closed his eyes, silently taking a deep breath. This was not the Don Patch he remembered. It was possible that he had such a skewed view of them because of how he saw them so many years ago, but he didn't think he would outshine Patch in the courage department. Something was definitely amiss, but finding out had to wait. As long as Don was willing to fight by his side, that was good enough for him.

Bob laughed. His team's loyalty may have taken a hit, but Bob was convinced that his rival had no chance now. "Alright, that's enough talk," he ordered. "Let's finish this!"


	13. Not Your Average Pokemon Battle

CHAPTER 13: Not Your Aver-

"Wait wait wait, hold it, TIME OUT!" Blah shouted. He pulled out his life crystal, remembering that it existed and would likely help him in this battle. He turned to his reluctant partner. "Don, you wouldn't happen to know how to use this, would you?"

"Of course I do!" Don Patch replied cheerily, betraying his earlier mood. "One sec." He produced a colorful chest from hammerspace and began rummaging through it, haphazardly throwing out a bunch of costumes, wigs, dolls, and props until eventually he came across a pink 'Cheesy-Bake Oven'. He snatched Blah's life crystal from his hands and mixed it in with some batter, threw it in the oven and, in no time, retrieved a delicious-looking pink cupcake.

"Ooh, that looks heavenly," Blah commented, already salivating.

Don opened up his maw and swallowed the entire thing whole. Blah's jaw hung open as he saw his treasure disappear in front of him. "Tastes heavenly, too!" the poprock said with sparkles in his eyes.

Blah facepalmed, clutching his forehead tightly. "I meant... to use it for myself," he strained.

"Oh, well why didn't you just say so?" Don beaned him in the head with the life crystal before he knew what was happening. There was a bright, white flash upon collision with Blah's cranium, and the crystal was gone. The feeling was hard to place, but it was not unlike his muscles had become slightly more dense.

"Huh," Blah uttered, bewildered. "Thanks, I think?"

"That was hilarious and all," interrupted Bob, "but can we please start chapter 13 now? Whatever that was, it won't make a lick of difference against me! Against us!" The last two words came as somewhat of an afterthought. Bob's Pokemon tried their best not to look disappointed.

CHAPTER 13: Not Your Average Pokemon Battle

"Go, team!" Bob wasted no time sending off his troops. "Focus on the orange one, but be wary of Blah!"

Franz jumped into the air and whipped his tails around, creating a Swift attack. Don Patch jumped into the air and whipped his spines around, creating a Rift attack. The two collided in midair and cancelled out, making totally perfect sense.

With Don distracted, the Typhlosion saw his chance to take aim. Blah, unwilling to let him have such a cheap shot, rushed at him with his Breaker, but the Gallade intercepted him and blocked the strike. In the wake of this collision, Tryder emerged from behind, throwing out his arms to send several iridescent leaf-shaped projectiles in Blah's direction. He kicked away from the Gallade and blocked the Magical Leaves with his hammer, knowing they could not be dodged. This taxed his arms severely, however, and ultimately left the Typhlosion open to fire a Flamethrower at Don.

"Burn him to the ground, Zheil!" his trainer remarked, somewhat late.

Don, anticipating the attack regardless, leaped back to gain distance from both Franz and Zheil. He lifted his Cheesy-Bake Oven and opened the hatch, catching the flames. "Cooked to perfection!" Don commented, the oven launching flaming hot pies at all of the other Pokemon. As none of them expected such an unconventional counter, all of them with the exception of Franz became stunned by the burning confections. Unamused, Franz bolted after Don with a Pursuit attack.

Thinking quickly, Blah took out his other hammer and chucked it as hard as he could at the Buizel before he could reach Don. Zheil's Quick Attack pinned Blah to the ground before he could try anything else, but the hammer hit its mark and caused Franz to stumble forward. Don used the opening to slam his oven heavily down on Bob's ace Pokemon.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Bob complained at Don.

"Says the guy using six Pokemon at once..." retorted Blah as he struggled to free himself from under the Typhlosion. Unfortunately, Saucha had recovered from the pie quickly enough to zap both of them with Discharge. As electricity entered Blah's body yet again, he remembered how this was one of Bob's endgame strategies - he had specifically trained Zheil to be resistant to Saucha's attacks.

And then it hit him. Blah knew Bob's Pokemon better than the trainer himself! He kneed Zheil in the gut, forcing him off of Blah, and made a beeline for Phaunt, whose small body had been affected the most by Don's pie. This caused the Gallade to spring into action, rushing to get between Blah and Phaunt. Which, in fact, was exactly what Blah expected. He swung the Breaker to the side, clocking the Psychic-type in the head and dealing a heavy blow as he kept on for Phaunt.

"What?!" Bob shouted in disbelief. "There's no way he could have seen Yumos coming!"

Meanwhile, Don's relentless onslaught of oven on Buizel continued. Tryder couldn't take the sight of it anymore. The Togetic hovered above Don and whistled. When he had Don's attention, he stuck out his tongue and stretched his face in a taunting manner. Compelled by the move known as Follow Me, or perhaps just his own short fuse, the poprock had no choice but to hurl the oven straight at Tryder. The flaunting fairy was more than ready to fly out of the way. Don, however, followed up by suddenly leaping onto his back.

"Fly, Yoshi, Fly!" Don shouted, suddenly wearing spurs and utilizing them violently. Tryder couldn't handle even Don's weight, so he began to fall. Franz picked himself up, loosened his aching joints, and blasted at Don with an Aqua Jet. Don certainly was not expecting the Buizel to be up again so soon, and was promptly pummeled off of the small Pokemon.

"Good, now stop Blah for crying out loud!" Bob cried as Blah neared his physically weakest Pokemon.

With Yumos still recovering, Blah finally reached Phaunt and slammed his Breaker upwards just as she removed the pie tin from her face. SMACK! Phaunt was sent sky-high. He turned around quickly, correctly guessing that Saucha was next on his tail, her body sparking from a recent Charge maneuver. Blah slung his hammer at the Ampharos, meeting her electrically-charged fist halfway to its target.

The collision was nearly enough to pry the hammer from Blah's hand, but after a moment he found himself wishing it had. Saucha held firm, sending shockwaves through the hammer and electrocuting Blah. Yumos had finally recovered by that point just in time to give Blah a solid slash from behind. The attack severed his backpack strap and left a deep gash in his arm, forcing Blah to bend to one knee, clutching the wound.

Zheil was next to return to his feet. With Don having lost possession of the oven, he tried another Flamethrower. Don was caught in the flames, twitching madly from the heat. Franz descended with a front flip, crushing down on Don Patch with an Aqua Tail.

"Yeah! That'll teach him!" Bob cheered. "Yumos, Franz, finish them!"

Blah's heart and mind raced, time slowing to a crawl. His knowledge of Bob's Pokemon could only get him so far, and not even Don Patch could take on all six of these trained fighting machines at once in the end. But there had to be some way for them to survive. Blah was sure of it. He couldn't let his adventure end here.

"I _told_ you this wouldn't end well!" Don cried, too weak to avoid the ever-encroaching Buizel.

Blah's grip on his hammer tightened. Between Don's lack of confidence, Bob's grating laughter, and Blah's unbearable pain, something snapped in his head like a twig. In an instant, Blah's eyes shot open. All pain was numbed. It was as though a dam holding back an unknown reserve of energy had broken, flooding his entire being with the drive to press on.

Bob took a step back at Blah's unexpected behavior. "Yumos, any second now!" Bob urged his Gallade. Yumos wasted no further time in dashing at the man.

"Fist of the Milky Way..." Blah found himself saying as he stood. He drew his weapon back. An orange aura surrounded him. "Black Hole Windmill!"

Yumos's speed increased, hoping to cut Blah down before he could finish whatever it was he was doing, but no sooner did he do so than he was knocked harshly away by a hammer spinning faster than a comet in orbit. Light began to fade around him as the windmill accelerated, drawing in more light and matter as it did so, including all of Bob's Pokemon. First Saucha, then Yumos again, then Phaunt were drawn in and clobbered back by the hammer, only to repeat the process. Zheil, Tryder, and Franz were soon to follow, succumbing to the cosmic whirlwind of spiky death just as the others had.

Bob watched in horror, and Don in awe, as Blah used his newfound determination-fueled power to clobber the Pokemon several dozen times each. When he finally ran out of steam, Blah collapsed, the world continuing to spin around him. As he forced himself to sit up, he looked around involuntarily at all the Pokemon he had sent to the ground. The shock of discovering what he was apparently capable of was dizzying in its own right.

"What do you think of THAT?" he shouted at everyone, especially Bob and Don.

"There it was!" Don Patch cried excitedly. "I knew you had it in you, man! You just needed a little push! ...okay, a big push."

Blah's gaze jolted upwards in realization. It all made sense now. Don wasn't belittling his ability, he was egging him on the whole time, and it was just enough to awaken the Hajike within him. It felt like a whole new world had opened up to him.

Unfortunately, he would quickly discover that the one technique wasn't enough to take out all of Bob's underlings by itself. Although the Pokemon were winded, they managed to slowly stand.

Bob sighed with relief, then resumed his previous overconfident attitude. "It'll take a lot more than that to defeat us!" he announced. "Everyone, swarm him while he's still dizzy!"

"Hey, buddy!" Don addressed Blah as Bob's team attempted somewhat reluctantly to shake off their injuries. "Now that you have the power, whaddaya say we really kick it off?"

"I'm down with that!" Blah responded, cranking his neck around and getting his orientation back. Don began rushing at Blah. He wasn't quite sure what the Patch was planning, so he held out his hammer towards him on a whim. "Fist of the Milky Way..." Blah began. Still a bit unsure, he stuck with what he knew: channeling his energy as he did before. Don leaped at the Breaker mouth-first, clamping over the head and replacing it with his own spine-covered body. A light went on in Blah's head. He held the Donhammer high. "Breaker of Stars!"

Thinking this combination was silly and impractical, Franz shot forth with an Aqua Jet to put an end to their tomfoolery. To his great surprise, Don Patch began to glow with the brightness of a miniature sun as Blah flung him at the Buizel, striking him head-on with surprising speed for such a large and bulky weapon. Franz bounced painfully off of the thing, skidding on the ground.

"Come on," Bob said through gritted teeth, "charge already!"

Zheil was the first to follow Bob's orders, followed by the rest of his Pokemon. Moving almost of its own accord, the hammer swung around, blinding and then smashing into each aggressor before they could get too close and overwhelm Blah and Don.

Bob was furious. "Franz!" he shouted. "Get up!"

"Buizel..." uttered Franz, driven by his trainer's words. His tenacity rivaled that of Blah.

Spinning around to face him, Blah pointed his Breaker towards the Buizel. "Solarbeam!" Don took the cue and began to charge up, heat radiating through the Breaker itself and starting to burn into Blah's hands. He gritted his teeth as Don unleashed all of his solar energy at once in the form of a beam which swallowed Franz whole. Bob winced.

When the light faded, and Don surrendered the hammer, Franz was still standing, his arms crossed in an X in front of him. The damage was clearly visible, and Bob's team leader struggled to stay on his feet, but even that didn't quite knock him out.

"Bui, bui," Franz grunted, as if to say "Is that all you got?"

Blah was astonished that this Pokemon managed to stay conscious this long. As he thought about the beating that this Buizel must have endured, Blah began to realize just how much of a toll all that heavy lifting took on him. It seemed to be easy to forget one's own physical limitations while under the effects of Hajike. He dropped to one knee. No amount of potion-guzzling could fix sheer exhaustion.

"Argh, out of juice already?" Don complained. "You really _are_ new to this..."

Worse still, while the pummeling had finally taken out Phaunt and Tryder, Bob's other four Pokemon still had enough fight left in them to continue as well. Zheil and Saucha aimed a double-pronged attack at Don. Although neither attack connected, jumping around to dodge the fire and lighting kept him more than occupied.

Yumos took this as an opportunity to finish off Blah, and dashed at him blade-first. Blah could only twist his head around, panting heavily, waiting for the fatal blow...

CHING! The blade was stopped by what appeared to be a green onion, wielded by the protective Patch. He thrusted his signature Don Patch Sword, causing Yumos to stumble.

"Watashi wa Donpachi..." Don spoke in an uncharacteristically deep voice, his face more serious and detailed than ever. "Hai, watashi wa anata ga okotte, gūguru hon'yaku o shiyō shite iru? Anata wa watashi o tatakau, to gurīsumonkī no yō ni shindeshimau!"

"...Gallade?" Yumos answered, caught off guard.

"Shinu!" Samurai Don and Yumos engaged in a duel of the ages. Don aggressively advanced, and it was all Yumos could do to keep from getting hit by the vegetable.

"Ugh, this is tiring..." Bob groaned, starting to feel a bit tired himself. "Saucha, will you do the honors in Yumos's stead?"

Saucha stared down at the exposed, helpless Blahsadfeguie. She held up her fist, charging it with electricity in preparation for an easy Thunderpunch.

Blah looked up. The reluctance was evident in Saucha's face as she carried out her trainer's command. He glanced back at Don and Yumos to see if either of them had made any headway on the other. He was instead met with the sight of the two of them happily skipping rope together.

_'Crap, Don's distracted...' _Blah lamented. He looked at Saucha again. Her Thunderpunch fully charged, the Ampharos made her way towards Blah.

"Saucha..." Blah gasped, stopping her in her tracks. "I haven't forgotten... what you told me back then... about Bob..."

"What," Bob interrupted, his patience down the drain. "What did she tell you. HOW did she tell you."

Saucha put her fist down as Blah continued, both of them ignoring Bob. "You said... you cared about him... that no matter how misguided he was... there was still some good in him..."

"R-remember what I taught you, Saucha," Bob stammered as his Pokemon gave him a questioning look. "There's no such thing as good and evil... there is only victory and defeat. Don't you want to be a winner, Saucha?" Saucha clenched her fist harder at her trainer's words.

Blah couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Is that how he's convincing you to aid him while he works for Team Rocket?" Blah asked, his cause giving him the energy to speak fluidly once again. "Take a look at what he's doing. He's ordering you to fight people, to _kill people_, so that they can get away with kidnapping an innocent Pokemon and doing God-knows-what to her. If you love your trainer, you wouldn't let him stoop to this level."

Tears began to form in Saucha's eyes as she realized what she had allowed to happen. "Amph..." she uttered, letting the electricity in her hand disperse. Blah let out a relieved sigh.

Bob facepalmed. "So what if you formed a special bond with one of my Pokemon while I was gone," Bob dismissed. "I still have five other loyal soldiers willing to fight with me to the last! Isn't that right?"

His Pokemon did not show their usual level of enthusiasm. Instead, they stared their trainer down, as if ready to attack _him_.

"W-why are you all looking at me like that...?" Bob whimpered, intimidated by the collective death stares of his own minions. He took a step back, and all his Pokemon took a step toward him. Zheil was already charging his Flamethrower.

His work completed, Blah allowed himself to drift out of consciousness. The last thing he saw was the cowering teen shrinking away as his Pokemon closed in on him...

* * *

><p>~"This is Gray reporting... from the moon, with a psychotic afro'ed manchild. He is serving me a breakfast consisting of deep-fried bacon wrapped in bacon on a bacon sandwich with bacon bread. If my cholesterol stays below 400, it'll be a miracle."~<p>

* * *

><p>The emptiness was broken by the delicious taste of apple cider.<p>

Blah swallowed and gulped it down. The flask was removed from his mouth and his eyes blinked open. The world shifted back into focus around him.

_"Welcome back, Blahsadfeguie."_

The calm, content face of Seraphina greeted him as he sat up. Somebody handed him his glasses and he slipped them on, discovering that he was back in his wooden house in Blahtown. Don Patch, Cody, and Saucha were also in the room.

"I'm really sorry for all of that..." he heard Saucha say. "Thank you for helping me snap out of it."

"Oh... it's no big deal," Blah handwaved, still a bit delirious from having just woken up after such exertion. "So I take it Bob is out of the picture?"

"You bet! The pretty unicorn princess banished him to the moon!" Don Patch affirmed happily. "And his bodyguards aren't guarding any more bodies, either!"

"He was separated from his Pokemon?" Blah rubbed his eyes. "Wow, that seems a bit harsh..."

"Well," Cody smugly lended his commentary, "it was basically his fault, wasn't it? The Pokemon were just slaves to his bad influence."

_"It is only temporary, of course,"_ Sera clarified. _"He was mostly mad with jealousy. Such extreme anger can lead a person to do extreme things."_

Saucha nodded. "He needs the time to himself to cool down... I'm sure once he comes back, he'll be feeling a lot more rational... relatively speaking."

"If you say so." Blah laid back, idly gazing at the ceiling. He just hoped he would never have to run into Bob again. "Oh, that's right!" he exclaimed, suddenly sitting up. "Sera, didn't you say you had something to tell me?"

_"I did," _the Abra answered._ "It is something I discovered when you were asleep. I am not sure why, but it seems that through your unconscious mind in particular, the entire world suddenly opens up to me. Through that, I was able to pinpoint the sources of the chaos that I have predicted."_

"Oh, really?" Blah replied, intrigued. "That's amazing! But, uh, what do you mean by sourc_es_? There's more than one?"

_"There are eight of them in total. I cannot tell precisely what they are, but while you were asleep, their locations were revealed to me. One of them is near Ponyville. Another, in Sinnoh. Six more are scattered around places you have not yet explored. If you want to rid the world of chaos, we will need to investigate these areas."_

"Sounds like a generic RPG to me," Blah stated. "But if it's what I have to do... wait a minute. Did you say Ponyville?" Blah raised an eyebrow, remembering his experiences with the corruption. "I distinctly remember defeating the evil spirit Ipsus there... was that not chaotic enough?"

_"Apparently not, as I am still detecting a large amount of chaotic energy in the vicinity. It seems as though you have only scratched the surface."_

Blah sighed, his mood killed at the idea that his hard work didn't amount to as much as he had thought. "Then what do we do about it?"

_"The only thing we can do," _Sera informed him. _"We must return to Ponyville, pinpoint the source, and rectify it for good."_

"Can we start tomorrow?" Blah whined, laying back again. "I had some things I wanted to do..."

"Like this?"

Blah begrudgingly sat up to see that Bo-bobo had just entered the house. "Look out the window, boy."

Confused, Blah turned his head toward the window. He immediately saw something he knew hadn't been there yesterday - a new building next to Applejack's. It strongly resembled a Pokemon Center. "We knew you were wanting to expand the town some more, so we took it upon ourselves! A nurse already moved in!"

"A Pokemon Center?" Blah questioned. "But I'm not a Pokemon..."

Bo-bobo chuckled. "But that's not a Pokemon Center."

Again confused, Blah walked outside and examined the structure more closely. A sign on the building said 'Dorkemon Center'.

Unamused, he gave Bo-bobo a sour look, to which the big-haired man shrugged. "What, it's not like you'll only be healing Pokemon there," he explained. "Just yourself. A dork. D-U-C-K DORK!"

"Wrong!" Don Patch interrupted along with giving Bo-bobo a punch to the jaw, despite Blah being fully prepared to defend himself. "That spelled 'goose', you silly goose! G-E-E-Z-E-R GOOSE!"

"Now YOU'RE wrong!" Bo-bobo kicked Don Patch in the shin. "THAT spelled-"

"Just... stop." Blah warned the both of them. As his rage intensified, so too did the pain from the wound on his arm - still present, even after the potion that woke him up.

"What's wrong?" quipped Cody. "Can't you appreciate such a thoughtful gift?" Even the hardened snark had difficulty keeping his laughter in.

"I never said you could talk," Blah fired back, clutching his arm, clearly not in the mood.

"Looks like _someone _could use a prescription for happy pills from the nurse," suggested Bo-bobo playfully.

"And _for_ the nurse, if you know what I mean!" added Don with a wink, elbowing his partner.

Bo-bobo looked at him blankly. "Actually... no, I don't know what you mean."

"What?!" Don appeared to be legitimately upset. "I thought you understood me..."

Blah decided to leave the Hajikelists to their bickering and take a tour of the new building. As much as he liked their shenanigans, he was starting to sympathize with the more sane characters from their show...

Fortunately, the interior of the Dorkemon Center was not unlike the real thing, including its calming atmosphere. Blah instantly felt his frustrations melt away as the familiar music playing quietly through the speakers reached his ears. Nurse Joy cheerfully greeted him from across the room. "Hello! Welcome to the Blahtown Dorkemon Center!"

"Did she really just say..." muttered Blah, snapping out of it. "Argh, nevermind." He put on a less-than-genuine smile and waved. "Hello, Nurse. I take it you're staying in Blahtown from now on?"

She nodded, ignoring Blah's near-outburst. "Yes, I'll be here whenever anyone needs a checkup!"

Joy's perpetual aura of optimism was enough to put the lid on Blah's anger issues for good. "Excellent," he remarked. A sudden sting reminded him once again that his wounds had not faded with his negativity. He flinched. "Now, uh, I don't suppose you can do anything about my arm...?"

"Of course," the nurse affirmed. "Just have a seat right here, please!" She indicated the machine on which trainers would usually leave their Pokeballs.

Blah stared at it skeptically. "Really?" he asked. "Just like that?" Joy nodded. "Alrighty then..."

Hesitantly, he did as he was told. Once Blah was in place, Nurse Joy fiddled with some buttons on the side. A wave of light briefly washed over Blah, and all of his pain dispersed in an instant.

He studied his arm skeptically. Not even a scar was left. Speechless, he glanced at the nurse gratefully.

"You're welcome," Joy happily declared, understanding. "That'll be 1 silver and 89 copper."

Joy's sudden fee snapped Blah back into the moment. "I thought your services were free...?"

"They are, for Pokemon," the nurse clarified.

Taking the hint, Blah begrudgingly reached into his pocket and counted out the fee. Unfortunately, due to his recent excursion, all but 1 of his silver had merged into a gold coin through whatever strange physics governed this world, and he wasn't about to break a gold coin when he had enough copper. He began counting out the 89 coins by hand, a process that made Blah somewhat irritated again.

As he counted, he realized something peculiar. He thought to himself, _"That's the third time I've seen or heard the number 89 since I came here..." _Although Blah didn't believe in coincidences, he couldn't help but feel a little superstitious that this number was apparently haunting him.

"Thank you!" said the nurse, taking Blah's money and yet again snapping him out of his wandering mindset. "We hope to see you again!"

Blah finally hopped off of the machine. As he did so, he repeated Joy's last words in his mind. "Wait, you hope I get injured again? Is that what you're implying?" He hadn't imagined Joy of all people would be willing to see someone get injured just to get more money from them.

The nurse said nothing, only continuing to give Blah her trademark smile with her hands folded in front of her.

_"Maybe I'm reading too deeply into things..." _Blah dismissed as he walked out of the Dorkemon Center with mixed feelings.


	14. A Glimpse of Madness

Chapter 14: A Glimpse of Madness

Blahsadfeguie emerged from his mines carrying a backpack full to bursting with stone, dirt, and all kinds of ore. A few hours ago he had decided to begin a strip mine, as it was probably safer and harder to get lost in than exploring existing caves, and it turned out to be an excellent idea. Knowing what he was up against, he refused to stop mining until he had gotten just enough gold to upgrade his armor.

When he entered his shack, he found Sera and Cody in the midst of an alarmingly civil conversation.

"...from the mind, just like every other kind of magic. Similar to how there are so many kinds of martial arts, each using the body in a different way," Cody finished.

_"I see," _replied Sera. _"So a strong mind could master many different magical arts."_

As interesting as the conversation appeared to be, Blah was eager to get to the action now that he had everything he needed. He began to smelt the ore he mined out. "So, Sera," Blah began, "Where exactly near Ponyville is this 'source of chaos'?"

_"A ways to the southeast," _Sera replied. _"It is in a forest."_

Blah paused. "Wait, you couldn't possibly mean... the Everfree Forest?"

_"If that is what they call it, then yes."_

"Oh boy. Figures I'd have to go there at some point." Blah carried his gold bars over to the anvil. "I picked a good time to upgrade, then..."

_"Are you making armor out of that?" _Sera inquired. _"I was under the impression that iron is far more practical than gold."_

"Not in upside-down backwards Terraria land!" joked Blah. When his statement didn't get a rise out of either of the onlookers, Blah sighed and went back to hammering out a set of armor. "Just trust me when I say that gold is better here."

"It's true," confirmed Cody.

"Oh good, I'm glad I can count on you to agree with me on facts, at least." Blah held up his newly-forged helmet. It bore a crest of two thin wings, giving it a rather elegant look. As he set it aside to work on the platemail, he delightfully pictured himself wearing the full golden armor, carrying his crystal lance and riding a similarly-equipped pegasus.

He stopped. In all the confusion, he had completely forgotten about Hailstorm. He remembered giving him the potion, but he had no idea how his first companion was doing other than that.

_"Hailstorm is fine," _reassured Sera, making Blah jump. He had also forgotten that the Abra could read his mind. _"We checked on him after the battle was over. The potion saved his life, but he will still need a day or two to recover completely."_

Blah exhaled. "Ah. Good." He resumed work on the armor, idly wondering if Hail would even still be interested in joining him after all of that. It was well-established by now that Blah's line of work was not exactly the safest.

_"We shall see," _Sera answered, once again catching Blah by surprise. _"Perhaps there are others better suited to it than he, but it is his decision in the end."_

Blah turned to Sera. "Okay, can we please establish something before we go any further," he implored. "When I'm not talking, it would be really great if you didn't respond to me." He looked down at his nearly-finished platebody. "I'm still not used to the fact that you can hear my thoughts..."

_"As you wish," _Sera agreed. It might have been Blah's imagination, but she almost sounded slightly disappointed.

All distractions aside, Blah finally finished his full set of gold armor. A large red jewel adorned the chestplate, making the full set that much more dazzling. As he brought the leggings closer to slip into them, he realized they were a bit heavier than he expected. Thankfully, he learned that he was still able to move by the time he had the full set on, but there was no doubt that this would slow him down a bit.

He looked between Sera and Cody expectantly. "Well?" he asked. "None of you have anything to say about my new duds?"

_"It is very... pretty," _the Abra stated, fishing for a compliment. Cody just shrugged.

"I'm just looking for a bit of validation for my awesomeness," Blah teased. "Jeez. Maybe this'll help." He retrieved his Quartz Lance from his bag and held it out. "Yeah! Talk about a knight in shining armor!"

Cody contemplated Blah's new look for a moment. "Could use a shield," he commented, killing Blah's mood.

"Hey," he snapped, "I can't even get a shield until I find the dungeon, you know!"

Cody flipped open his recipe book. "Says here you can make any material of shield out of 10 bars."

Blah blinked. "Really?" He glanced over Cody's shoulder at the book, which, sure enough, detailed recipes for shields of many different metals. "Huh. Fair enough." He sorted through his pile of remaining bars, noting that he only had one gold ingot left. "Guess I'll have to settle with silver, then," he mused aloud, gathering up the materials. "Oh well, that'll match the lance better, I think."

Sera and Cody watched with diluted curiosity as Blah forged a silver shield in front of them. He held it in his left hand as he carried the lance in his right. "There!" he exclaimed. "Am I knightly enough for you now?"

Cody shrugged again. "Meh."

Blah grimaced. "Okay, I'm done," he surrendered, grabbing his backpack and slinging it around his shoulder. "Sera, let's just go to Ponyville already."

Without further prompt, Blah suddenly found Sera sitting around his shoulders. The Abra's blatant disregard for personal space gave Blah the shivers, but before he could say anything about it, their surroundings had changed.

* * *

><p>When Blah got re-acquainted with his environment, he realized he had been teleported straight into the Ponyville library. It was in such pristine condition, Blah would never have guessed that it had been completely wrecked a couple of days ago if he hadn't witnessed the event himself. Twilight had not noticed him yet, as she was vigorously flipping through a book in search of something.<p>

"Hey, Twilight," Blah greeted, causing the unicorn to nearly jump through the ceiling.

"Ack!" Twilight gasped, turning around slowly. "Please don't do that... I'm barely used to Pinkie Pie doing that..."

"Tell that to Sera over here," Blah responded, gesturing at the Pokemon on his shoulders, who waved jovially. "Anyway, I was on my way to the Everfree Forest and I... well, Sera, really, decided to stop by."

"The Everfree Forest?!" Twilight repeated. "What business could you possibly have there? You _do_ know how dangerous it is... right?"

"Of course, that's why I'm wearing full gold armor." Blah tapped his gold helmet.

Twilight tilted her head. "Wait, weren't you wearing-"

"Iron, yeah, don't ask," Blah interrupted impatiently. "Anyway, Sera found a thing there and I wanted to go poke it."

"It doesn't sound like you have this very well thought out," she commented skeptically.

"We'll play it by ear," the man lightheartedly dismissed. "But yeah, while I'm here, have you figured anything new out about my situation?"

"Well, I've been reading up a lot on alternate universes," Twilight said, turning back to her book, "but it's mostly just extremely vague theory."

"Anything relevant? Anything hinting at a possible cause for them to suddenly... you know, combine?"

"Well..." She flipped several pages into the book. "Here's one of the more widely-accepted theories that says that universes are comparable to atoms, free-floating in infinitely empty space, but there is an extremely tiny chance that they may collide and cause... adverse effects."

Blah looked down, thoughtfully resting his chin on his hand, though that was perhaps in part due to wearing such a heavy helmet. "But I've seen entities from four different universes in this one," Blah attested. "Five if you count myself. If that theory is correct, this universe must be the product of unfathomable odds..."

"Who are you talking to down here...?" Spike climbed sleepily down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. "I'm trying to get my beauty rest..."

"I'm sorry, Spike," Twilight apologized. "I'm just trying to help Blahsadfeguie figure out why he's here." Blah was mostly impressed that Twilight remembered his full name.

"Fate," Spike guessed crankily. "Fate is why he's here. Now can I please have some peace and quiet?"

Despite being a hasty and cliched answer, Blah couldn't help but seriously consider it. His presence contributed greatly to Ponyville's liberation from the corruption, at the very least, and now it seemed as though his role in this world was only just starting to unfold. "You know, I honestly wouldn't dismiss that..." Blah agreed.

"Great, problem solved. Bye." The young dragon stormed back upstairs.

Twilight sighed. "It's probably best we let him sleep," she whispered. "He drove himself to exhaustion helping me get the library back in order the other night, bless his heart... anyway, I'll continue my research. If you're going into the forest, just be careful."

Blah gave her a thumbs up. "You bet," he whispered back. "Later!" He and Twilight waved at each other as he carried Sera out of the library, quietly closing the door behind him.

_"Straight to the forest, then?" _Sera asked, riding comfortably on Blah's shoulders as he walked towards the looming trees on the horizon.

"I guess so..." Blah answered. "It shouldn't be THAT hard, eh? Most people... ponies, whatever, enter the forest without armor or weapons. I'm fully equipped with the best armor I can dig out of the ground, and a hammer made out of giant worm scales! We can handle anything that forest has to offer."

_"Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of that more than me," _Sera observed. Blah simply smiled awkwardly and said nothing.

The duo passed by Fluttershy's cottage. The yellow pegasus saw Blah heading for the forest and pardoned herself from feeding the rabbits.

"Um, excuse me, Blah..." Fluttershy called out to him, causing him to stop. "You're not heading into the Everfree Forest, are you...?"

_'Ugh, I don't have time for this...' _thought Blah, involuntarily executing a facepalm, but when he remembered Fluttershy was staring at him, he pretended he was adjusting his glasses. "As a matter of fact, I am," he replied, not bothering to hide the impatience in his voice.

Fluttershy paused, slightly taken aback. "Oh, well, it's very dangerous in there," she continued. "There are all kinds of beasts, and monsters..."

"Yeah, I know," Blah acknowledged. "Why do you think I'm packing my best equipment?" He tapped his helmet with the thick of his lance, causing Sera to lean back ever so slightly. Fluttershy flinched as he waved the weapon around. "Seriously, can't an adventurer adventure anymore without an entire town worrying about him? I know what I'm doing."

Seeing that Blah was unwilling to yield, the soft-spoken pegasus started to back away. "Oh... ok. I'm so sorry for doubting you. Please, go right ahead..." She trailed off, nearly ready to turn around, but stopped and stood straight again as if suddenly remembering how to be assertive. "But are you sure you don't want an..." Blah's flattening expression snapped her back into submission. "...escort?"

At this suggestion, Blah made a noise that was somewhere in between a cough and a chuckle. "You? Escort me?" He held up his lance, letting the sun gleam off of it. "This is the only escort I need. Go back to singing to your flowers or whatever and stop worrying about me already. I will be just fine." He spoke his last sentence with a bit of spacing between each word for emphasis.

Fluttershy shrunk away even further, clearly dejected. "Okay... I can take a hint..." She retreated hastily into her cottage without saying another word.

There was a brief moment of silence. _"Blah..."_ Sera addressed. _"I do not think she intended to protect _you_ from the _wildlife_."_

Blah continued his trek toward the forest. "Then why'd she even bring that up?" he replied, completely missing the point. "I swear, that Fluttershy is... something else."

Sera quieted, knowing that this was a pot not worth stirring.

* * *

><p>No sooner had Blahsadfeguie entered the Everfree Forest than he started to feel dwarfed by its overgrown foliage. He couldn't tell whether his paranoia was acting up, or an unfathomable amount of malicious eyes were glaring in his direction. Probably a little bit of both, he guessed to himself, only setting him further on edge. He held his shield and lance close to him as he counted each step, ready to strike at the slightest sign of movement approaching him lest he be stricken by it himself.<p>

Seraphina, knowing that close combat would be an issue for anyone seated on the man's shoulders, resorted to walking just behind him. It did not comfort Blah very much to know that his only companion seemed to be using him as a meat shield.

_"Do not worry, Blah," _Sera reassured him. _"If any danger approaches, I will alert you to it beforehand. You will have plenty of time to react."_

Despite this going against the rules of communication he had established earlier, Blah found plenty of comfort in knowing the psychic with the escalated danger sense was looking out for him.

_"Incoming bogey at 2 o' clock."_

Blah felt it just as Sera did - a gelatinous foe shot out of some nearby bushes, and Blah struck it clean through with his lance before he even realized what was happening. A forest-green slime flopped to the ground, now bearing a round hole through its center. The hole closed up quickly, however, and the slime charged a second time, knowing no pain. Blah didn't even need to react as an orb of ghostly energy from behind him blasted the slime apart.

Blah stared at the puddle, the past half-second having zoomed by. He had no idea he was capable of such abnormal reflexes.

He turned to the Abra. "Hey, Sera-"

_"While we are connected, my spatial awareness becomes available to you," _Sera explained, answering the question he was about to ask. _"In short, you have my reaction time. 8 o' clock."_

Blah slung his torso around, whacking another slime with the flat of his shield and sending it rolling backward. The realization of their combined strength brought a triumphant grin to Blah's face as he stabbed his lance into the top of the mindless glob, breaking it apart.

"You know, this might not be so bad," admitted Blah. "How far is it to the... whatever it is?"

_"The chaotic entity lies within the very heart of the forest," _Sera answered. _"We have just over a mile to go."_

Blah was sorry he'd asked. Not even the idea of walking a mile _without_ interruptions appealed to him. "Okay then..." he sighed, tightening his grip on his equipment.

The two continued, ever cautious. It didn't take long for an enemy tougher, not to mention smarter, than slimes to emerge - it was a wolf-like creature composed of darkened wood, bearing glowing green eyes.

Blah barely had time to identify it as a Timberwolf before it pounced. He stopped its relentless assault with a well-placed shield, but his lance's counter-strike failed to penetrate the target's tough exterior. As Sera kept it at bay with Psychic, Blah swapped to his hammer and proceeded to pound it into the ground, where it promptly exploded into a pile of twigs and eerie smoke.

A piercing howl interrupted Blah's attempt to catch his breath. Four more Timberwolves emerged from the shrubbery, each one as vicious as the last. Sera quickly teleported behind them, preparing to flank. Blah swung his hammer in a sweeping arc, sending two of them sprawling, but the other two leaped over it with alarming speed. Sera managed to slam one of them down with her telekinesis, and Blah blocked the other one with his shield, but this left his lower half wide open to the other two.

Sera jumped, throwing a Shadow Ball into the back of one of them like a magnum as Blah pummeled the other in an upward hammer strike. Chunks of wood rained all around them. The only remaining Timberwolf lunged in a desperate attempt to catch him off guard, but the creature's head soon met Blah's knee, followed by a crushing overhead blow from the Breaker.

Blah doubled over, leaning on his hammer. He was beginning to realize that moving faster meant losing energy faster, especially in such heavy armor. At this rate, he'd drop dead from exhaustion before sustaining a single injury.

"Let's avoid as many fights as possible," Blah proposed, before drinking one of his potions just for the hydration. He vowed to remember to pack some water or something next time.

_"Agreed," _Sera replied, somewhat weakly. This was likely just as taxing on her, at least mentally, Blah thought.

They continued walking, this time just off of the path, out of the open. At least this way, they only had to deal with a few slimes and the occasional bat. However, even this did not protect them from the exertion required from such a long journey.

"How much farther?" Blah asked, slumping against a tree after rubbing out the umpteenth slime.

_"We are nearly halfway there," _Sera informed.

"I don't think I can take another step..." Blah looked around. This part of the forest looked exactly like every other part - full of towering plants and monsters. "Are you sure we're even going the right way?"

_"Positive,"_ Sera affirmed.

"If you say so. Ugh..." Blah took his helmet off and sat down in the grass. "Maybe we should build a crude shelter or something. We can afford to take a break, right?"

"HEEEELP!"

The cry of an elderly male voice in distress rang out from nearby.

_"Apparently not," _answered Sera. Blah groaned, struggling to his feet and replacing his helmet. Mustering up the strength to be a hero once again, Blah rushed in the direction of the voice with his Abra in tow.

He emerged in a small clearing, where immediately the smell of burning foliage invaded his nose. Indeed, the forest had been partially set aflame, and taking up most of the sky was a huge red dragon, smoke blaring from its nostrils.

Blah quickly glanced down and saw the target of its aggression: an old man whose obesity gave his body an elliptical shape, and from his tiny bald head grew a huge bushy mustache. He frantically crawled on his back away from the charred wreckage of some sort of high-tech vehicle barely big enough to fit him.

No matter how many times he spotted a new figure he recognized, it never ceased to astonish him. "Dr. Eggman?!"

"Who are you?!" Eggman replied ungratefully, looking away from the dragon for a split second until a fireball brushed past his mustache. "N-nevermind who you are, just get me away from this overgrown lizard!"

Blah had a few questions for the evil genius, but now was not the time. He closed his eyes, hyperventilating in an effort to briefly refuel his energy and motivation, then followed it up by hurling his lance at the airborne dragon. "Hey... stupid!" Blah called, lacking the drive for a more creative insult. "Over here!"

The lance hit the dragon in the snout, although it did little more than bounce off. It did succeed in getting the dragon's attention, however, and the beast reacted by shoot a wide cone of flame at Blah. Instinctively, he hid behind his shield, although he quickly realized that it was too small to stop all of the dragon's breath. Thankfully, Sera grabbed onto his leg and teleported him away before the flames caused any serious burns.

When the flames faded and the dragon didn't see Blah or where he possibly could have escaped to, the dragon landed, staring at the singed grass in confusion. Blah saw his chance to retrieve his lance and stab at it from behind, driving it just between two of its scales. He didn't penetrate very deeply, but it caused the reptilian much pain nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman had an opportunity of his own to exploit. With the dragon's focus diverted, Eggman scrambled to his feet and sprinted toward the nearest opening in the trees that was not on fire.

Blah spotted this out of the corner of his eye. _'He's making a break for it,' _Blah thought to Sera. _'Don't let him escape. We have a lot to talk about when this is over.'_

Sera silently obliged and blinked in front of Eggman, blocking his path. "Hey! What gives!"

"Nice try, but when this is all said and done- whoa!" Blah jumped over the dragon's tail and rolled toward its left side. "I have a few questions to ask- yipe!" He used his shield to block the dragon's claw, but the force knocked it out of his hands. Blah jabbed at the dragon's neck with his lance to counter, but it snapped its jaw at his arm, causing him to pull back before he could connect.

Eggman crossed his arms in a huff, leaning against the tree. "Fine, I'll stick around," grumbled the scientist, "but when the dragon's feasting on your well-done carcass, don't be offended if I head for the hills."

_'That's comforting,' _thought Blah as he backed away from the dragon's vicious bite, draining what little remained of his vigor.

It was Sera's turn. She leaped into the air and shot an Energy Ball at the dragon's mouth as it opened. The sphere became lodged in its throat, causing it to suffocate briefly before the ball disappeared. This did little more than make her a target, however, and before she knew it, the beast's claws were wrapped around her.

"Sera!" cried Blah, pulling out his Breaker and closing the distance desperately. "Hold on!"

The dragon glared a deathly glare at the Abra in its clutches, convinced that the human could not harm him and the little fox was helpless. In an attempt to prove the latter wrong, Sera focused on the dragon's head with Psychic, trying despite heavy resistance to snap its neck. Enraged, the dragon roared, slamming Sera's tiny form against the ground and cutting her attack short. The Psychic-type sprawled out, motionless.

Blah stopped in disbelief at the sight. "No!" he shouted. His teeth clenched. The floodgates forced themselves open, once again filling Blah with orange-tinted power. As the dragon turned towards him, standing upright and roaring menacingly, Blah charged forward. "Fist of the Milky Way!" he announced. "Apollo Uppercut!"

The dragon drew its claw back to deliver a massive swipe at the approaching human, but Blah accelerated in a blaze of rocket fire, launching the Breaker upward at its exposed underbelly and knocking the wind out of it before it could finish the attack. The blow had enough power behind it to send the dragon spiraling upwards and crashing among the trees in the distance.

Blah instantly dropped to all fours. He didn't have much time left. He hastily dug through his backpack for a spare potion as he crawled towards Seraphina, determined to ensure that she stayed alive. He gently turned the Abra over, sitting her upright and inserting the flask into her mouth. She coughed, but it woke her up, and she clutched the glass limply to finish it off.

_'Are you alright?' _Blah thought, unable to expend the energy even to speak at this point.

Sera set down the glass and slumped over to let it set in. _"I will be fine," _she responded. _"Thank you."_

Blah let himself collapse, exhaling loudly with relief. This happened way too often, it seemed.

True to his word, Dr. Eggman had remained to witness the entire thing. He was quite impressed by the end of it all. With the danger out of the way, however, he started edging toward the gap in the trees again. "Well," he said with a sneer, "since you seem too tuckered out to ask me anything, I think I'll just take my leave now. Ta-ta!"

He nearly tripped over Sera. "What the- get lost!" he shouted. "Your master's out-cold, and I'm not about to wait around for hours in this blasted forest for him to wake up!" When Sera didn't react, he sighed in frustration. "Why am I even bothering, it's not like the thing understands human speech."

_"Quite the contrary," _Sera's voice echoed nonchalantly in his head, causing him to jump. It took him a moment to realize where the voice was coming from. _"Blahsadfeguie is not my master, he is my friend. He is also still conscious, just too exhausted to move, or to speak. And finally, I understand the language of humans more thoroughly than you could possibly comprehend." _Eggman was dumbstruck. _"Now, Blah would like me to relay his thoughts to you. I expect you to answer his questions as though he were awake. Understood?"_

His logic shattered, the doctor looked back and forth between Sera and Blah, the latter of whom held a weak thumbs-up. Eggman facepalmed. "Okay, sure, whatever," he surrendered, sitting dejectedly against a tree. "Let's get this over with."

_"Blah wants to know what you are doing in the middle of a beast-infested forest surrounded by pony-inhabited land."_

"...'Pony-inhabited'?" Eggman shook his head. "What does it matter to you? I could ask the same question."

_"Indeed you could," _Sera acknowledged, _"but we asked you first."_

"Well, if you must know... ahem..." His eyes darted to and fro behind his shades, searching for an excuse. They rested on the empty flask. "I heard there's a special herb that grows in this forest... and I need it for a... a potion, you see, for my sick Aunt Sally," Eggman finished with fake melancholy.

Blah burst into stifled, wheezing laughter. _"That is a lie. Even if it were not bluntly obvious, I can read your mind as well as I can Blah's. Why are you really here?"_

Eggman crossed his arms. "Well, if you can _read my mind_, why don't you just find out for yourself?"

_"Ever since I became self-aware," _Sera explained, _"I have vowed not to use my powers to invade the privacy of anyone's mind, any deeper than their surface thoughts." _Blah lifted his head, giving Sera a look that said "Seriously?"

Eggman smirked. "Then I guess you won't be hearing it from me." As he finished, Sera's eyes glowed purple. He suddenly felt his sense of balance being violated, and noticed he was lifting steadily into the air. "Whoa! Hey!"

Sera made a noise that sounded remarkably like a chuckle. _"I never said I could not use force to get someone to divulge information of their own free will, however."_

"Okay, okay! I'll talk!" said the panicked Eggman. "Just put me down already!"

Sera dropped him rather suddenly, giving him a start. When he realized he was fine, Eggman cleared his throat, regaining his composure. "I was in the neighborhood, flying in my hovercraft, when suddenly my sensors detected the presence of a massive surge of chaos energy right here in this forest - and that usually means there's a Chaos Emerald. I flew in for a closer look, but that dragon came out of nowhere and wrecked my only means of transportation. And here I am. Happy?"

_"That will do," _the Abra answered.

Blah took a moment to think about what Eggman said. Now that he knew the Sonic universe was wrapped up in this mess, it made sense that the Chaos Emeralds were the sources of Chaos that Sera mentioned. He had no idea that they could corrupt entire villages Terraria-style, though. Not to mention the fact that there were only seven Chaos Emeralds. What was the eighth thing that Sera picked up?

He didn't care how exhausted he was - his curiosity was too strong. He wanted to at least find out for sure what was causing all of this fuss. But whatever it was, Blah resolved, there was no way he would allow Eggman to get his hands on it. However, he also didn't want to leave him in the middle of the forest, completely defenseless.

_"Blah has decided to escort you to the Chaos Emerald," _Sera announced such that both Eggman and Blah could hear it.

Eggman's face took on an expression of genuine shock. "Really?!" he exclaimed, but upon realizing his outward display he cleared his throat and tried to hide his emotions. "I mean, er, thanks, you won't regret it!"

Blah flashed Sera a bewildered and deeply concerned expression. _"This Eggman has proved to be somewhat useless and cowardly while unarmed," _Sera explained to Blah alone. _"Either one of us could overpower him easily if necessary."_

After a bit of hesitation, Blah nodded in agreement. He figured he had plenty of chance to catch his breath, so he tried sitting up. He still felt a little sick to his stomach, so he closed his eyes for a moment. Slowly, he climbed to an upright position, stretching his limbs as best as he could. "Okay," he breathed. "Let's press onward."

Eggman seemed amazed more than worried that Blah was still able to stand after all that, but he didn't care enough to question it. He eagerly jumped to his feet. "Yes," he said, grinning with anticipation. "Let's."

They left the clearing with no further deliberation. Thanks to Sera, the group was able to remain mostly hidden and out of harm's way as they continued deeper into the forest, but mere minutes later, they were stopped by a troubling sight. The plant life ahead took on a distinct, all-too-familiar purple coloration.

"Wh-what is that stuff?!" Dr. Eggman asked, afraid to even go near it.

Blah sighed. "Corruption," he explained. "Guess I missed a spot... we should probably avoid it for now."

_"Blah," _Sera warned. _"The chaotic entity is inside the corruption."_

The man was afraid of that. "Guess we're heading in, then," Blah resigned, taking another deep breath.

"Are you kidding?!" Eggman replied. "I'm not setting foot in _anything_ that looks like that and is called 'Corruption'!"

Blah chuckled at the doctor. "Eh, it's not nearly as bad as it sounds," he promised. "I could probably take it on in my sleep by now!"

_"Duck," _Sera suddenly advised. Blah unquestioningly did so, and a ball of greenish gunk whizzed past Blah's head. It splashed against the ground, where the previously normal green grass instantly turned a nasty purple. Terrified, Blah looked to the sky - there he saw what looked like an Eater of Souls, only this one was larger, had two more pairs of mandibles, and several more eyes.

Blah's mouth gaped as he realized what he was staring at. "Corruptors? Did we enter hard mode already?!" He turned to Sera. "Okay, I take that back! Get us out of here, NOW!"

Eggman would have taunted Blah's sudden change of confidence if he hadn't been too busy running for his life. Another vile shot hit a tree just beside him, rotting the wood and causing Eggman to practically trip over himself as he changed directions.

Sera blinked on top of Blah's shoulders. "Eggman, get back here!" Blah called. "We can't leave without you!"

"Every man for himself!" Eggman shouted back, ducking in between two trees.

Blah looked backward. Two more Corruptors appeared over the horizon, each one staring ravenously back. He jumped out of the way of yet another glob of corrupting sludge, converting another patch of forest. "He's going to lead them to corrupt the whole forest..." predicted Blah in a panic. "We have to catch him."

There was a moment of pause as Blah heard Sera sigh. She teleported herself and Blah several yards away, just in front of Eggman's path. Before Blah could say anything, the stocky man juked around him in a baffling display of agility.

"You idiot, we can just teleport you out of here," Blah yelled, but Eggman said nothing, committed to escaping on his own merits.

Sera blinked in front of him a second time, immediately placing her hand upon his bald head and whisking the three of them away.

The sudden change in lighting nearly blinded Blah. His vision returned just in time to see the unaware Eggman crashing headfirst into an apple cart. Sera had dropped them straight into the middle of Ponyville.

While several concerned ponies helped unearth the strange, round man from the pile of apples, Blah felt the weight on his shoulders shift slightly. Sera had slumped over, unconscious. All of that teleporting in such a short time frame must have been too much for her.

Eggman eventually freed himself, standing harshly upright and brushing himself off, desperately trying to cover his embarrassment. "I can handle myself, thank you very-"

He cut himself off as he saw the shape of the townsfolk that helped him. He glanced around the town in disbelief, taking in the brightly-colored, storybook-esque scene.

"I think I prefer the corruption," he remarked.


	15. A New Road

Chapter 15: A New Road

"So you think these Chaos Emeralds, or whatever they are, have something to do with all of the strange things happening, including your arrival here?"

"Pretty much."

Blahsadfeguie sat with Twilight Sparkle in the main room of the Ponyville library, telling her everything that he saw and encountered. Meanwhile, Seraphina and Dr. Eggman were upstairs with Spike, exchanging tidbits about their respective worlds.

"And, if this is anything like half the video games from my dimension," continued Blah, "in order to learn what's going on and eventually get back home, I have to collect them all, battling through eight different worlds with unique themes and fighting a boss at the end of each of them. I bet there's a princess to save, too."

Twilight stared at Blah's oddly descriptive description. "I don't know about all of that," she admitted, "but I believe I might have read something regarding chaotic gemstones recently." She horned through the bookshelves and produced a thin, brown book.

Blah glanced at the cover, but the symbols were illegible. Nevertheless, he watched eagerly as Twilight flipped through the contents. "Ah, here we go..." she said, stopping on a particular page and clearing her throat to read.

"'The Jewels of Universe. Every universe contains precisely one Jewel which pulses with the space-time flow of its host dimension, resembling a beating heart. No two universes have the same wavelength, and thus there shall come a time when multiple universes pulse simultaneously. The pulse resounds through the void in which all universes reside, attracting each other closer together. If a universe collides in this way, a great chaos will ensue and they will combine into one - and the resulting scrambled universe will contain the Jewels of both.'" She paused to let it all sink in for both of them.

Blah blinked. It seemed like a far-flung theory, but it was the closest thing he had to an official explanation. "So all those signals weren't Chaos Emeralds... they were those jewels..." He crunched some numbers in his head. "Two universes colliding doesn't sound very likely to begin with, but eight?!"

"This universe is the product of unfathomable odds..." mused Twilight. "Assuming this book is correct."

"If an eight universe pile-up is the reason I'm here," Blah continued, "then why haven't I found anything else from my home universe yet? And that sure doesn't explain me running into my own characters, either..."

"I have no doubt that there's more to the story than what this book has to offer," Twilight responded.

Blah rubbed his chin. "I suppose we should start by figuring out how to split the universes back up again... if that's even possible." He looked up at Twilight. "Is that possible?"

The unicorn studied the book. "It says that if all jewels within a universe are destroyed, the contents will scatter and be forced to rebuild themselves," she read. "No fragment will combine with that of another universe, and effectively this will sort them into their original forms, good as new."

"So I have to destroy all 8 of the jewels, huh?" Blah summarized. "Doesn't sound too hard..."

"It also says that the universe tends to build itself around the jewel, for protection... which makes sense." She nodded. "After all, you wouldn't want your heart anywhere other than inside your ribcage, right? So naturally, they'll be difficult to reach."

"Right, hence the hardmode corruption..." Blah thought back to his encounter with the Corruptors. He knew that, in Terraria, those upgraded Eaters don't even appear until the players defeat a certain mid-game boss, transitioning the entire world into a much more dangerous place. If the world had already reached that state, there was no way he'd survive for long on his own. "Well, surely most people caught up in this mess would be on my side, right? I wouldn't have any trouble rounding up a team or gathering equipment..."

"If you can get them to trust you and your intentions, that is," Twilight reminded him. "That's easier said than done with this sort of thing."

Blah's heart sank. "Oh... I guess I can see how asking people to help you destroy an important artifact that holds the universe together could get them on your bad side... come to think of it, this whole thing seems a bit of a hard sell to begin with. Welp!" Blah stood up. "Guess I'll have to gain people's trust the hard way - by making friends!"

"Making friends isn't difficult," refuted Twilight. "You just have to open up, be nice, and respect others."

"That's what's so hard about it," sighed Blah, sitting back down again with his head in his hands. "I'm terrible at the first one of those, if not all of them..." He remembered, with horror, his conduct near the start of his adventure.

"Hey, Blah." Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder. "You may have gotten off to a rocky start here, but everyone has their good and bad qualities. As long as your intentions are good, friends tend to fall into your lap sooner or later, no matter how much you might shut people out. Trust me on this one."

Blah looked up. No matter how many times he doubted himself, most everyone he met constantly assured him that he was not beyond redemption and forgiveness. It took some effort, but he already had one entire town on his side. One universe accounted for. Two, counting Terraria. Six more to go.

"Alright then, I'll do it," Blah determined, standing proudly. "I'll travel the world, finding out as much as I can about the jewels and spreading my story. I'll earn the trust of every last civilization here simply by virtue of wanting to do the right thing. I'll train my body and spirit, gaining enough power to take on the challenges these jewels present to us, and with the help of all the friends I'll make along the way, I'll set things right again in one fell swoop!" Blah's heart beat furiously. He had never felt more inspired.

"That's the spirit!" Twilight cheered. "I'd love to join you, but I'd be more comfortable behind the scenes, doing what I do best - research and magic. I'll let you know if I find anything useful, like a spell or some information."

"Gotcha," Blah said with a thumbs-up. "Welp, guess I'll go back to Blahtown and spend the night, then begin my travels in the morning." He was about to call his companions down to leave, but stopped. "Wait, before we go," he said, "Can you think of a way for us to communicate long distances if we need to?" This was the first time in a while Blah suddenly wished he had a cell phone.

"I have a few spells," Twilight responded. "Believe me, if I learn anything you need to know, you'll be the first to hear about it. Now go get some rest, you'll need it."

Blah nodded. "Alright, good. I will."

He went to the base of the stairs. "Sera, Eggie, time to go, dears!"

"'Eggie'... Hmph." Eggman was the first to descend the stairs, while Sera and Spike said their goodbyes. "He's starting to remind me of Sonic..."

* * *

><p>}"I've just discovered that he has found out about the jewels. His plans are already in motion, but he knows very little. The time to act is now."{<p>

="I shall mobilize the troops at once!"=

~"I would love to comply, Orange, but I'm still stranded on the moon."~

["Fine, guess I'm coming to save the day. Again. Rocket fuel isn't cheap, you know."]

~"That disco wannabe seemed willing to spend it recklessly..."~

/"Quiet nubs, we don't tolerate incompetence around here. That goes double for you, Lime."\

_"But I didn't say anything yet!"_

|"It's only a matter of time before you ruin someone's day. Why is he one of us again?"|

}"Annoying may he be, Blue and Pink, he's useful in his own ways."{

/"If you weren't my superior, you'd be such a nub."\

_"Good morning, Blah. There appears to be someone at the door for you."_

* * *

><p>Blah rolled out of bed. The voices were back. He couldn't make heads or tails of them, but he could hear them. The rapping at the door reminded him of Sera's announcement. He decided to put aside that topic for now and answer it.<p>

When he opened the door, he was somewhat surprised to see Hailstorm standing there, looking as healthy as ever. A wave of relief washed over Blah, seeing his original partner recovered so quickly. "Hey, Hailstorm," he greeted. "Feeling better?" He asked mostly as a formality.

"Good as new, and I can barely believe it," Hail answered sheepishly. "I suddenly understand why you wore your armor to the party... but anyway, I have to thank you again for giving me so much credit. My boss gave me a week of paid vacation for 'falling in the line of duty'. I don't know if he expected me to be out of the hospital in just a couple of days, heheh."

"Nice," Blah replied. "Does that makes up for all the selfish things I did or what?"

"Well," Hailstorm chuckled, "Any other time, I'd say no, but that Swift Star wouldn't have been so generous if he didn't think I was a hero. He'd make me go back to work the moment I left the hospital, without even paying me for lost time. Then he'd probably yell at me for getting myself shot."

"Jeez, sounds like a real drill sergeant. Glad I could get you out of that mess."

"Yeah. I can't imagine how hard it'd be working for him if I wasn't such close friends with his son. Speaking of whom..."

Hail looked behind himself, then stepped to the side, revealing a certain shaky earth pony. Blah hadn't even noticed he was there. "Light told me you met on the day of the party, but it was cut short," Hail recounted. "I felt bad for taking him away from you, so I figured I'd bring him over and let you show him around... if you're not busy or anything." Light nodded quietly, his eyes darting shyly to and fro.

"Well, I am kind of harboring an evil genius at the moment, but..." Blah looked down at Light Star, maintaining a welcoming smile. "Who cares about him, I can make time for you. Come on in!"

Hail tentatively walked inside, Light following eagerly yet nervously. "I'm sorry, 'harboring an evil genius'?" asked the pegasus.

"Long story," Blah hand-waved. "All you need to know is I found him stranded in the Everfree Forest, and I saved him from a dragon. He's totally harmless right now." Light was visibly impressed at that story. "I should probably take him back to his lair before he overstays his welcome..." muttered Blah, mostly to himself.

"The Everfree Forest?" Hail questioned with concern. "What were you doing there? Slaying wild animals for fun and profit?"

_"He was looking for the reason he is here," _Sera's voice echoed. Startled, Hail and Light looked up to see the Abra on her usual perch, her legs dangling in front of Blah's chest. _"The forest contains an artifact of immense chaotic energy, which we believe is related to the cause of the merging of several universes. I assisted him in searching for it."_

Seeing as neither pony knew how to react to Sera's explanation, or appearance for that matter, Blah introduced her. "This is Seraphina. She's telepathic. No big deal." The ponies remained speechless. "As for the artifact..." He shrugged. "Another long story. Basically, we need to find these jewels that are scattered all over the place. I don't suppose you'd be willing to help?"

Hail glanced at Light, who still had no idea what to say, then back to Blah. "W-well," he began, regaining his composure, "I was kind of looking forward to my vacation..."

"This is kind of important," Blah pressed. "Remember the corruption? If we let these universes mingle for too long, who knows what else might happen?"

"If something happens, I'll drop what I'm doing and help," Hail stubbornly reassured him. "But until then, I don't see any need to take action."

Blah decided to try a different approach. "If you travel with me, you might earn some more hero cred with your boss," he offered. "Not to mention the rest of Equestria, and wherever else we go." Hail's mouth scrunched at the temptation. Blah had him on the ropes. "And who knows, maybe we'll find a place with a colder climate?"

Hail sighed. "Okay, I'll bite," he surrendered. "We're not bringing Light, though. If something happens to my boss's son under my watch..." He shuddered.

"But what if adventuring's his special talent?" Blah added with a smirk.

Light's eyes widened ever so slightly at the thought of finally earning his cutie mark. "Yeah, maybe it is!" he exclaimed. "C'mon, Hail, how about it?"

"No," the pegasus stood firm. "I'm not going to risk you getting killed. If we run into anything as bad as the corruption out there..."

"Calm down, I was kidding," Blah backed off with a slight chuckle. Light's head drooped in dismay. "No offense, buddy, but you'd probably get in the way. If you want to travel with us, I'd recommend getting some basic combat training first." Light nodded solemnly. "We all gotta start somewhere," Blah continued. "I'm sure you can be an asset if you work hard at it."

"Yeah, and it couldn't hurt, right?" Hail chimed in. "Go find Cody, he can help you get started. In theory."

"Where is that huggable porcupine, anyway?" wondered Blah, staring at the vacant chair where Cody usually sat. "Come to think of it, what has Eggman been up to this morning...?"

_"They are both outside," _Sera answered, pointing to a window. _"Dr. Eggman has made liberal use of your spare resources."_

Confused and concerned, Blah looked out of the window that Sera indicated, Hailstorm and Light following closely. In the center of Blahtown sat a good-sized, six-wheeled iron rover bearing Eggman's likeness. Cody smugly leaned up against it, and Eggman seemed to be shouting something at him.

Blah was flabbergasted. "Did he build that just this morning? Out of _my_ metal?!" he yelled.

"Hey, if you can build a house in seconds, why not," remarked Hail.

Blah stormed outside without another word. "What's the big idea?"

Eggman glanced at Blah and grinned evilly. "Well, look who's finally awake," he chided. "I needed a new ride, so I decided to put all that iron of yours to good use. You snooze, you lose!"

"You can't just take my stuff without my permission!" scolded Blah.

"I can, and I did," refuted Eggman, crossing his arms.

"You did kind of say he's an evil genius," Hail reminded him. "Also, how did you think we were going to get around? Asking me to carry all three of you is kind of a tall order. Hail, asking me to carry _him alone _is kind of a tall order," he added, pointing at Eggman.

"Did that horse just call me fat?" the egg-shaped doctor protested.

"He's saying what we're all thinking," Cody cut in. "And saying. Fatty."

"Quiet, you," Eggman snapped at the guide. "I've had enough of your sass today. I just want to go home, in a car I built myself out of stolen materials, with six-wheel drive, a high-tech stereo system, and my own beautiful image on the front. Is that so much to ask?"

"It _was_ kind of a mouthful," muttered Blah.

"Argh! I don't have time for this!" Eggman circumnavigated the rover, heading for the driver's seat. "I'm just going to take my leave before I lose my mind. Have fun being idiots!"

"Sera?" Blah addressed. The Abra raised her hand, locking Eggman in place with her Psychic. Blah took out his Breaker and approached him threateningly. "You're not getting away that easily," he warned as the villain struggled in Sera's grip. "You're taking us with you, and telling us everything you know about the 'Chaos Emerald' you tracked."

"You just don't know when to stop, huh," sighed Eggman. "Fine. You can ride with me as far as Metropolis, but no further!"

Hail was distracted by Blah's new weapon, however. "Mother of Celestia, is _that_ what you made out of the giant worm scales?!"

"Oh yeah, I never showed you this, did I?" Blah held his hammer out so the pegasus could see. Light was awestruck as well. "This is the Breaker: a weapon worthy of a skilled hammer-meister."

"If you could deflate your ego for a moment," Hail shot Blah down, "I only asked because I could use a weapon upgrade myself. I did help kill the thing, you know."

Blah hesitated, taking inventory in his head. He glanced at Cody momentarily, who nodded, understanding exactly what the hammerman had in mind. "As long as Egghead over here didn't touch my Demonite bars," he quipped, "I might be able to make a crossbow out of what I have left."

Eggman was about to say something in his defense, but Blah was already on his way back inside. He lifted the lid on one of his chests, grabbed a small stack of purple bars and a pile of worm teeth, and set them down on the anvil. By the time Hail and Light had followed him into the shack, Blah had a twisted, sinister crossbow and a fistful of narrow, dark purple bolts to hand him.

"One demon crossbow and several unholy bolts for the pegasus prince," he announced, dropping the items into his hooves rather haphazardly. "Try not to shoot anypony's eye out."

"So that makes yours fair game, right?" teased Hail, not too accepting of Blah's dry, impatient tone. He loaded a bolt into the crossbow and aimed it at a blank spot on the wall, getting a feel for it. It seemed to be a tiny bit heavier than his old crossbow, and he could feel the tension in the string just by holding the stock. He let loose a bolt, expecting it to simply stick into the wooden wall, but much to everyone's surprise, it pierced straight through and kept going.

The power of the crossbow and bolt combo astonished him. He flew out of the front door and followed the bolt's likely trajectory to a tree, where it had penetrated almost halfway through. He tried to pull the bolt out, but it was stuck deep in the bark.

Even Blah was impressed. "Huh," the human said. "I kinda wish I'd made one for myself."

"Breath-taking," Eggman commented sarcastically. "Can we get a move on, already? I'm starting to get a cramp."

Blah glanced over to see that Sera had been holding Eggman in the same position the entire time. "You can release him," he told the Abra. "I think we're ready."

Sera did as instructed, and Eggman dropped to the ground, landing on his stomach. "Oof!"

"So, you just want me to stay here and learn how to fight?" asked Light.

"Yep," Blah affirmed. "If you have any questions, ask Cody. I can't promise he'll help you, but that's what he's there for anyway." Cody waved smugly at the earth pony.

"And when it gets late," Hail added, "there's a tunnel just over that way that leads straight back to Ponyville. We wouldn't want your dad to get angry at either of us..."

Light nodded. "Yeah... I won't stay too late. Good luck, guys."

"You too," replied Blah as he hopped into the front passenger seat of the rover. Hail and Sera climbed into the back seats just as Eggman picked himself up.

"Ready to roll out!" the driver exclaimed with a hearty laugh, jumping into the vehicle and cracking his knuckles.

Dr. Eggman revved up the engine, emitting a thick black smog from the tailpipes, and plugged a CD into the stereo which immediately started blasting heavy metal. The tune was barely recognizable due to its sheer volume, but Blah figured there was no way it couldn't be one of Eggman's theme songs. Hailstorm's complaints were lost in the noise as Eggman sped off, headbanging to his tunes.

* * *

><p>"I am the Eggman, that's what I am!"<p>

"Shut up..."

"I am the Eggman, I've got the master plan!"

"Shut up!"

_"You know he cannot hear you, right?"_

"Then you tell him."

_"Actually, I am enjoying this."_

"Aaaargh!"

Hailstorm kicked the back of Eggman's seat with his front hooves, only for the doctor to nonchalantly flip a switch and bolt the pony down with five seatbelts simultaneously. He continued jamming.

Blah, on the other hand, had already zoned out the music, taking to calmly watching the scenery roll by at 40 miles an hour. Blah noticed the terrain gradually become more dynamic, and the grass took on a slight checkered pattern. _'Wow, Green Hill Zone still exists...?' _he contemplated to himself. He could almost picture a certain blue hedgehog running up and down the hills and loops at breakneck speed.

Blah reveled in the sight of it all - so many cute, tiny animals hopping and/or flying around, and there weren't any spikes, springs, or Badniks, as that adventure had taken place long ago. The place had been cleaned up since then.

Of course, that fact had only made Eggman try harder to hit every last animal on his way through, slamming on the gas.

"Ehehehe! I forgot how fun this was!" Eggman laughed as a terrified bird glanced off of the windshield.

_"This is not something that I enjoy," _Sera admitted. _"Blah, me and Hailstorm would appreciate it if you could talk some sense into the man."_ Hail nodded vigorously.

The crazed laughter of the maniac was starting to get to Blah. "Okay, hand me your crossbow," he ordered. With Hail restrained, Sera had to do the deed.

Eggman's laughter was canned as he felt a crossbow-loaded bolt press up against his neck. Blah threatened Eggman with one hand as he turned down the music with the other. "That's quite enough out of you," he asserted. "If you want your hollow revenge, you'll have to get it on your own time. Now drive, and AVOID the animals. Also, turn off this racket. You've been listening to the same song for 2 hours straight."

Dr. Eggman grumbled, but complied. He shut the music off completely, and slowed down to a non-psychotic pace. He also released Hail from his seatbelt prison, allowing him to breathe again. Blah, Sera, and especially Hail, were pleased. Blah lowered the weapon, but held onto it just in case.

"Now that we finally have a chance to talk," Blah continued, "how about telling us what you were doing all the way in Equestria?"

"What's there to know?" Eggman answered impatiently. "My equipment told me there was a Chaos Emerald, free for the taking. You do know what a Chaos Emerald is, right? Or do I have to lecture you about that as well?"

"Are you sure it was a Chaos Emerald?" Blah asked.

"What else could it have been?" refuted the doctor.

_"It seems as though Dr. Eggman knows nothing about the jewels," _reported Sera. _"It is unlikely that he will be able to reach them on his own, either, if the advanced corruption is any indication."_

_'So we can just let Sonic and his gang take care of him?' _Blah thought.

_"If your memories of them and their home universe are accurate, it should be no problem," _she reassured.

_'Okay, but what about all the other universes that this guy suddenly has access to? We could be looking at some powerful evil alliances...'_

_"It is just as likely, if not more so, for the forces of good to band together. Let us just enjoy the ride."_

Blah sighed. He figured while they were out here, they could at least get a lay of the land, maybe find the locations of other jewels.

He cleared his throat. "Alright, I have just one more q-WOAH!" His question was interrupted by a sudden failure of gravity. The rover had sharply turned right and dove off of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Hailstorm instinctively began flapping his wings, and Blah tightly clutched the side of the vehicle.

In mid-drop, Dr. Eggman merely chuckled darkly and flipped another switch, folding in the wheels and replacing them with water skis. The converted boat splashed in the water and floated without difficulty. He flipped on some rear thrusters, powering them forward.

Sera had not been panicking. _"This is an all-terrain vehicle," _she explained. _"We were not in danger."_

"Heh," chortled Eggman, grinning at Blah. "The look on your face was priceless!"

Blah stopped counting his limbs and attempted to slow down his madly beating heart. "Oh..." was all he could manage to utter.

"Don't scare me like that!" Hail shouted, giving Eggman's seat another kick. Growling, he reached for the restraining switch again, but stopped and slowly retreated when he saw Blah also reaching for the crossbow again.

Blah gave Eggman a skeptical look. "We've been traveling for a while... we _are_ going the right way, right?"

"Of course, of course," Eggman responded, his mood lightened. "Metropolis is on Westside Island, a ways across the Shallow Sea. We're over halfway there."

"Great, thanks for the change of scenery," said Hail sarcastically, gazing out of the window at the endless, plain ocean.


	16. Deja Vu All Over Again

CHAPTER 16: Deja Vu All Over Again

["How'd you even get UP here, anyway? Come to think of it, how are we even breathing?"]

~"Some kind of black magic..."~

_"Oh, you mean Hajike? Yeah, it does that."_

~"Of course YOU'd be an expert on insanity, you reject of a man... wait, how are you communicating with us if we're not on the party line?"~

_"Oh, you mean me? Yeah, I do that."_

["Pfffft. You should lighten up, Edwin. He's actually kinda funny."]

~"Just shut up and get me off of here..."~

* * *

><p>Jab.<p>

"We're here, bedhead! Wake up and look at my beautiful city!"

"Who's a bedhead, egg-face?" Blah said groggily as he came to. He must have fallen asleep somewhere during the trip. Sleep is such a luxury in this world, it seems...

He put his glasses back on and immediately wished he hadn't. Metropolis was a huge jungle of metal and concrete, factories and skyscrapers. Smog took up most of the atmosphere, and sinister-looking robots, each armed to the teeth, patrolled the streets and the sky diligently and loyally. Blah looked to his right and saw a factory with a sewer pipe spewing radioactive waste straight into the ocean.

Hailstorm took in the intimidating sights of the bad side of a tech level far above what he was used to. "What in Celestia's name..."

Eggman took a huge whiff of the air. "Ahh... home sweet home, at last."

He drove up to the gate to the city, which was guarded by four sentry-bots. They each had their guns trained on a different passenger of the rover. "HALT. PRESENT IDENTIFICATION."

Eggman rolled down the window as he begrudgingly pulled out a small ID card and flashed it to the bots. "As if you can't recognize your own master by now," he grumbled as the robot scanned the card with an attached peripheral.

"ACCESS GRANTED. WELCOME HOME, DR. ROBOTNIK." The gate slowly swung open and Eggman drove impatiently inside.

"Oh yeah, something I've always wanted to know..." Blah spoke. "Which is your real name, Robotnik or Eggman?"

Eggman scowled as he navigated his own maze. "Eggman started as an insult, but everyone uses it so much, it's starting to grow on me. My real name is Ivo Robotnik." He turned towards Blah. "What does it matter to you, anyway?"

Blah shrugged. "Just curious."

The confused Robotnik turned a corner and approached what appeared to be the tallest building in the city - a massive factory with Eggman's likeness decorating the top, a huge maniacal grin dominating the entire domain. Blah didn't even have to say anything, that was definitely Eggman's main base.

Eggman opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a distant crash. Everyone looked up at the Egg-factory, and saw that a figure carrying a large object and a long object was dropping out of a busted window, gunfire following closely behind. The figure landed easily despite the long fall, and began running in the direction of the city gate without skipping a beat.

"Oh, not YOU again...!" Eggman pulled the rover into full throttle to give chase.

As they got closer, Blah could make out who it was, but it was nobody he could recognize. It was a teenage girl wearing some kind of high-tech white and black full-body armor. Her black hair was tied in a large bushy ponytail to the side, somewhat of an odd style, and she carried a large bag slung over her shoulder in one hand, and in the other, a polearm with a blade that resembled a crescent moon, somewhat of a cross between a scythe and a naginata.

"Whoa," was all Hail could manage to say.

Although she wasn't in Blah's mental encyclopedia of fictional characters, there was something about her that seemed familiar, something he couldn't quite put his finger on...

"You know this girl?" Blah asked.

"She's a real pest," Eggman tersely said as he revved up the engine. He closed the distance between them and her pretty quickly, but she was more than ready for it and she leaped into the air with a backflip, bounding off of the roof of the vehicle with a THUMP, and landing on the other side, running full speed in the other direction.

Blah turned his head around to watch as Eggman attempted to make a hasty U-turn and nearly crashed into the side of a building.

The girl then met up with the robots that were giving chase to her, and she decapitated them with a single swing of her weapon and kept going. More robots chased her from the air, spraying bullets like rain, but the girl lowered her head and the bullets were deflected by her suit.

Eggman finally managed to turn around and continue his side of the pursuit. They sped off again, causing Hail to shout something that was lost in all the engine noise. Eggman pressed a button and a large gun barrel sprouted from the top of the rover. The girl heard the rover approaching and made a dash as hard as she could for the fence, but it was still a ways away.

Blah wasn't entirely sure he wanted Eggman to succeed in stopping the thief - he had no idea what her story was, and Eggman was still a villain after all.

Before he could decide, she turned her head and her eyes locked with Blah's. He noticed that she had glasses that were very similar to Blah's, in front of the same color eyes... hazel. In that moment, Blah knew exactly who she was. The outfit, the hair, the face. Her description matched one of Blah's characters from an online fighting game that he used to play called Lost Saga. She had no official name in the game, but she was known as a Grand Templar. The class's primary weapon was a giant warhammer, however, and this girl seemed to use something completely different.

He pulled the crossbow on Eggman again. "If you shoot her, I shoot you."

"What?! No fair!" Eggman's hand receded from the fire button. "It's not even a gun, it's a net launcher... you know, for entangling."

_"He is telling the truth," _Sera affirmed to Blah. _"It will do nothing more than trap her."_

"I don't care," Blah said, his grip tensing. "Let her go."

The templar looked back again, wondering why Eggman hadn't fired yet... and saw Blah threatening Eggman with the crossbow. She did a quick, grateful salute before turning around again, throwing her spoils over the fence. She leaped onto it, clinging for a split second and flipping around, clearing the barrier gracefully. She snatched up the bag and ran out of sight.

Dr. Eggman sighed. "Great. She got away, with yet another rocket part in tow, no doubt..."

"Rocket part?" Blah questioned.

"It's none of your business!" Eggman snapped. "You're only here to see me off, and if you ever come back here again, my bots will shoot you on sight!"

"Oh, it's plenty of my business..." Blah's finger curled around the trigger of the crossbow. "This girl is very relevant to me in ways you wouldn't understand... and I need to know who she is, and why she wants your rocket parts. You're forgetting who has the crossbow here."

"Well, you know what they say..." Eggman said, a triumphant smirk playing across his face, "You shouldn't bring a crossbow to a gun fight!"

Blah glanced behind himself and saw that the window had been rolled down, and several of Eggman's robots had their guns pointed straight at his head.

"You're on MY turf now," the doctor continued, "and so, you'll play by MY rules. Put the crossbow down, and leave Metropolis with your filthy animals, or else you'll become no more than a very annoying stain on the seats."

Blah grimaced - it didn't feel so good being on the other end of the loaded weapon. "Ok... fine." Blah stuffed the crossbow in his backpack. "We'll get out of your hair... or lack thereof... but mark my words, this will not be the last you see of us."

"Heh heh! That's rich. Kid, you're good, but you're no Sonic. I can reduce you to ashes in a heartbeat. Don't even think about showing your ugly mug around me ever again!"

_'What a way to treat the guy who saved your life,' _Blah thought as he stepped out of the car. An unhappy Hailstorm and unreadable Seraphina followed suit, and the three of them headed for the gate. The last thing they heard before they left was the smug laughter of a mad scientist finally getting his way for once.

* * *

><p>"Any sign of her?"<p>

"Nope, not a trace." Hail was the eye in the sky, scanning the forest in vain for the templar thief. She must have been really good at covering her tracks.

"Great." Blah grumbled sarcastically as he walked below, carrying Sera on his shoulders. "I find another piece of evidence linking myself to this jigsaw of a world, and she disappears... maybe we should have let Eggman capture her after all."

_"I sensed a great urgency in her mind," _Sera explained. _"She's not in this thieving business for profit; there's much emotional significance behind her actions."_

"What exactly is that emotional significance?" Blah asked.

_"I cannot tell you," _Sera declined. _"I have vowed not to use my abilities to uncover personal secrets."_

"Ugh." Blah facepalmed. He had more questions than the world wanted to answer for him. The more he thought about it, the stranger it seemed - what were his own characters doing in a universe that was full of actual published fiction? He knew the world he was in now was a literal clash of 8 different universes, but something coming from his own mind? Could there have been a universe filled with nothing but his own creations? He figured it was possible, but what were the odds of ending up in his own universe compared to theoretical universes filled with the creations of others?

"There's a vital fact that I'm missing here," Blah said aloud. "There HAS to be more to it than just colliding universes. There's just too many coincidences."

"Well, sometimes coincidences are just that... coincidences," Hail said.

"There comes a time when the coincidences are so unlikely that it starts to look completely deliberate," Blah argued back. "There's a reason I'm here, and it's not just to destroy some gems..."

He thought back to his encounter with Edwin. Whoever he had worked for really wanted him alive for something... and it certainly wasn't Team Rocket.

As a matter of fact, Edwin was a character of his too, now that he thought about it... he was Blah's Cowboy, also from Lost Saga. How could he have overlooked that? His gun and his style were dead giveaways. Were he and the templar linked somehow?

"ARGH! More questions!" Blah shouted, clutching his head. He decided to come back to those questions later, when he had the chance to speak to one of his own characters again.

"Guess there's nothing left to do but travel..." Blah surrendered.

* * *

><p>"Ugh... I'm getting hungry."<p>

Hail descended from the orange sky, much like the sun was in the middle of doing. Blah could barely feel his legs; they continued to walk as if possessed. All of them had given up on tracking down the girl.

"Yeah Hail, I know..." said Blah. "I haven't eaten all day..."

_"I could use some sustainence as well..." _added Sera, whose stomach let out an audible growl... the first actual noise she had ever made since Blah met her.

Blah's zombie legs tripped over a large rock, and he fell over into the gravel. "Ow, son of a..." He stopped as he noticed what he had fallen on... a gravel path! That meant that there was some semblence of civilization nearby! "Hey guys, this way!" Blah said, directing the others toward the path. They followed without hesitation.

The path happened to be a nature trail, which led the group to the outskirts of a small town. The sign introduced the town as "Emerald Town".

"Oh hey... this is Sonic's hometown," Blah pointed out. "We're bound to make some key alliances here."

"As well as get some Celestia-darn food!" Hail galloped into town, leaving Blah reeling from the awkwardness of the statement. Sera blinked somewhat impatiently onto Hail's back, who didn't really mind at this point. Blah shook his head and followed the equine.

In no time, Hail came up to a very large restaurant that appeared to be themed like a castle. The sign over it, in large, blunt letters, read: "Food Palace".

"Why does it feel like I've been to this place a million times before...?" wondered Blah. "Oh well, a palace of food, sign me up!" He followed the hungry horse inside.

The restaurant was somewhat plain on the inside, but very well-kempt. Hail went straight to the counter, as did Blah. They'd have plenty of time for enjoying the ambiance with full stomachs.

"Hello, welcome to the Food Palace, may I take your order?" A rather portly middle-aged man with a small mustache manned the register. His nametag said simply "Joe".

"I'll take three of those veggie-burgers," said Hail, reading the menu. "Ooh, and a large milkshake... what's 'Banana-Ville Swirly Swirl'?"

"Ah, good ol' BVSS," remarked Joe. "It's a local favorite around here - banana, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, the works!"

"Sure, I'll have that, then," Hail finished. He looked back at Blah, who was reading every line of the menu.

"Banana-Ville... why does that sound familiar?"

"Uh... wanna place your order?" Hail said, tapping his hoof.

"Oh, right, sorry." Blah studied the menu one last time. "Kay, I'll have a large bacon cheeseburger... with medium fries, and a medium shake," Blah said. "Might as well try that swirly stuff too."

_"A chicken sandwich and a filet-of-fish will be fine for me, thanks," _Sera telepathed, causing Joe to blink.

"Was that..."

"Yeah, it's a thing she does," Blah handwaved.

"Oh... well, I've seen my fair share of strange things in this town, so I shouldn't be surprised." He punched some numbers in the register. "Speaking of which, I don't think I've seen any of you around these parts... where are you from?"

"We're travelers," Blah abridged. "We all come from different places around the world, and our journey has led us here."

"Fascinating!" Joe said. "I've always wanted to travel, but I don't have the money... I'm pretty much just stuck here in Emerald Town, running the Food Palace for a living... have you guys seen Angel Island?"

"Not yet. We're just stopping for a quick bite and we'll probably check it out after."

"Well, if you ever find the opportunity, I'd love to hear about it." He checked the register. "That'll be $14.89."

"Do you accept coins?" Blah said, pulling out a small pile of gold and silver Terraria coins.

Joe picked up one of the coins and scratched his head. "Uh... I've never seen that currency before..."

"...how about bits?" Hail showed Joe some of his Equestrian money.

"Nor that one..." Joe frowned. "Well... I can't exactly accept this... company policy." Blah's eye twitched. "But... since you're not from around here, I could make an exception..."

Blah handed Joe 4 gold coins. "Hang onto that until the bank catches up, there's probably more than enough for three meals here, heheh."

Joe eyed the money suspiciously. "How do I know this isn't some kind of play money?"

"It's solid gold, so even if it wasn't a legally accepted form of currency, surely it would still be worth something..."

Joe sighed. "Ok, ok, I'll do you all a favor and let this slide... it's only 15 bucks." He took the coins and stashed them in an extra register slot. "We'll have your food ready in about 5 minutes."

"Thank you kindly!" Blah nodded, turning around to find a table to sit at...

And now that his food was taken care of, Blah was able to get a good look at the restaurant for the first time. One of the first things he noticed was a group of three colorful patrons just hanging out at one of the window-side tables. The yellow one sipped gleefully on a milkshake while the pink one gazed lovingly into the blue one's eyes. The blue one was hastily trying to convince the pink one that there were other blue fish in the sea.

Blah identified them all in a second.

'Convenient coincidence, we meet again.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: If you're curious about it, the online game (Lost Saga) has undergone some significant changes since this chapter was written. Look it up if you want, it's actually kinda fun if you can deal with the rather volatile community and the lack of reliable support from the hosts. It's just to the point where I would no longer recommend it.<strong>


	17. A Challenge

CHAPTER 17: A Challenge

"Hello!" Blah made his presence known to the three familiar faces. "You must be Sonic, Tails, and Amy!"

"Hah... more fans," Sonic guessed, grateful for the distraction. "Yep, that's us!"

Tails put down his milkshake after a long sip and waved. "Hi!" He went right back to drinking.

Amy reluctantly glanced over at the trio, looked them up and down, and said, "This better be quick, we're in the middle of something important."

"Oh ho ho, I'm afraid you guys are stuck with us for a while," Blah laughed, taking a seat in an adjacent table. Hailstorm and Seraphina followed suit. "My name's Blahsadfeguie, and these are my homeboys, Hailstorm and Seraphina. We're travelers, and we've just come from Metropolis..."

"Metropolis?" Tails asked, putting down the milkshake. "What were you doing there? Dr. Eggman doesn't take kindly to trespassers..."

"We were giving him a ride," Blah answered nonchalantly. "Anyway, we saw this strange girl who... kinda looked like me, actually, only younger and obviously female. She had a curious futuristic suit as well as a sort of scythe-spear, and she had apparently just stolen some rocket parts from Eggman. Any idea who or where she is?"

"Oh yeah," Sonic affirmed. "Come to think of it, Eggman came to us last week, believe it or not, asking if we had anything to do with her." He shrugged. "Nobody we've heard of."

"But why were you helping Eggman of all people?" Tails asked. "You know he's evil, right?"

"Of course," Blah replied. "But he got stranded in the middle of a dangerous monster-filled forest with no transportation or protection, so I saved his life-"

_"We saved his life," _Sera corrected.

"...WE saved his life, and decided it would be wrong to leave even an evil man in the middle of nowhere, so we brought him back to Metropolis."

"Uh-huh," grunted Sonic, now a little skeptical himself. "So what was he doing there in the first place? What were YOU doing there in the first place?"

"Eggman thought he detected a Chaos Emerald there, but his tracking thing had actually picked up a false positive on another artifact of even greater importance, which we were after."

"More important than a Chaos Emerald?" asked Amy, even herself intrigued. "What could THAT be?"

"You know," said Tails, pulling out a radar-like device, "I was wondering why I was picking up FIFTEEN readings rather than just seven..."

"...How long has that been happening, Tails?" Sonic turned towards his two-tailed friend.

"It started a little over a week ago, but I thought it was just a glitch," Tails explained.

"I'd very much like to get on with telling you what they are," Blah cut in impatiently.

"Oh, sorry, go ahead," said Tails.

Blah began filling Sonic and company in on the collision of the universes, the Jewels, and their reasons for pursuing them. In the middle of the explanation, Joe had their order ready, so Sera collected it for them. Hailstorm listened with just as much interest, as he hadn't heard the full story himself yet either.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," interrupted Sonic. "It'd be one thing if you guys were COLLECTING them, but you want to DESTROY them? That sounds too risky! I think I'd prefer just dealing with the effects of the collision... if ANYTHING you're saying is true to begin with!"

"How did you learn about this again?" Tails asked.

"From a magical unicorn," said Blah with a straight face.

Sonic and Tails exchanged narrowed glances. Amy just stared.

Hailstorm cleared his throat. "You know, there's already a magical PEGASUS sitting right in front of you... and to be honest, before today I had no idea animals like yourselves could talk either."

"Oh, sure," Amy said mockingly, "and I bet you live in some magical pony kingdom ruled by a magical unicorn princess who magically raises the sun every morning with her magical magic!"

"She's an alicorn, but yeah pretty much that."

"Don't be ridiculous, magic doesn't exist!" Tails laughed. "Magic is just a term that primitive beings use to explain things they don't understand, like science and physics! Either that or it's just an illusion made to look like magic, but there's always some realistic secret behind it. Those wings, for instance, are probably just for show, they're much too small to lift a creature of your size."

"Speaking of physics and flying..." Blah began, looking over at Tails' two tails.

"I'll show YOU who's a primitive being..." Hail ignored Blah, getting up from his seat and hovering just under the ceiling.

"Probably some ultra-thin strings holding him up," Tails confidently appraised.

Hail began to fly around the room, ultimately heading for the door due to the limited space inside the building. He began to fly around in the air, showing off with a loop-de-loop and a barrel roll or two.

Tails was certainly impressed by this point. He attempted to come up with an explanation in his mind, but Blah patted him on the back. "Don't worry, bro. Not many would believe that those tails of yours could carry you either."

"Well, that's different!" Tails defended. "I can spin them fast enough to generate enough lift to fly, like a helicopter... but there's no logical way that your friend could keep himself airborne with those wings..."

_"There's no logical way that you can spin those tails without them getting tangled at some point," _Sera refuted.

"What the..." Tails looked around the room frantically. "Who said that?"

Blah merely pointed to Sera. "Let's just say that there are a lot of things you didn't think were possible... that ARE possible. Magic is real, and it comes in many flavors. Functional pegasus, telepathic fox. GG, no rematch."

"Ok, ok, magic is real, we get it," Sonic spoke to cover the speechless Tails, as Hail walked back into the restaurant triumphantly. "And I guess that means we kinda have no choice but to believe you about the Jewels of Universe."

"So there really is a world full of magic ponies..." Amy said wistfully. She noticed everyone was staring at her now. "...What? So I think ponies are SORTA cute, is that so wrong for a girl?"

"Depends WHICH girl," Sonic chuckled.

Amy had her hammer out in a flash. "Go ahead. Make fun of me for liking ponies. I DARE YOU!"

Sonic backed off. Blah could tell that the scene had cheered up Tails as well, though he didn't dare show anything more than a sheepish smile.

Hail was a little confused. "Why is the issue of liking ponies such a big deal, anyway?"

"You know, I really don't know that myself," Blah lied. He hadn't the heart to tell him that ponies were, in most cultures, often associated with little girls.

"ANYWAY, back to the matter at hand. Me and my posse are trying to track down each of the aforementioned jewels and break them so we can restore normality. The only problem is, they're all heavily guarded by extreme conditions such as powerful monsters. There's no way just the three of us can do this ourselves."

"Ok, one more thing before we make any promises," Sonic said. "If you come from a different universe, how did you know about us?"

"You're all fictional characters where I'm from," Blah simplified. "In fact, all of the worlds I've encountered so far happen to be different works of fiction in my home dimension... it's uncanny, really."

"Incredible!" remarked Tails. "So our universe happens to be a perfect match to something thought up by individuals in yours? If the multiverse consists of infinite possibilities, what are the chances of-"

"Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I said," halted Blah. "The chances of me ending up in this particular universe are infinitely low, if we're assuming they are coincidences, especially when you consider the fact that I have also encountered characters that I have come up with myself. In fact, every character I have met so far is either part of the original fiction, or someone I created. Even Hailstorm is one of my characters."

"Wait, what?" Hail looked at Blah incredulously. "You never mentioned that before..."

"I forgot," Blah shrugged.

"What about Eggman?" said Tails. "He still thinks they're Chaos Emeralds, so he's going to try and take them... and we don't even know what all the Jewels are capable of..."

"Neither do I, but the unicorn I told you about is learning as much as she can about them, and will report to me if she finds anything. Whatever it is, though, we definitely don't want Eggman utilizing it..."

"True, true... ok, we'll help," Sonic decided. "I'm also kinda interested in checking out what those other worlds have to offer. More worlds means more space to run around in, after all!"

"Sweet." Blah glanced at Tails. "So, where's the closest reading to here? Or, second closest, since Eggman said that the closest to Metropolis was the Everfree Forest, and I don't exactly feel like going back there..."

"Uh..." Tails studied his radar. "One of them's coming from Angel Island... about where the Master Emerald is..."

"Oh boy." Sonic crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. "How much you wanna bet Knuckles won't let us touch anything?"

"Eh. Even if he gets in our way, he can't be too difficult for the six of us to take on, right?"

"How could you even think that?" protested Amy. "Knuckles is our friend, stubborn as he is, and we're not going to go against his wishes. That island's the last thing his people has, why do you think he's guarding it all the time?"

"She's right," Sonic agreed, "Knuckles knows more about that place than any of us do, and if he doesn't give us permission to mess with it, then it's a no-go!"

"Yeah!" added Tails. "And magic may be real, but you still haven't proved that we need to destroy those jewels to restore the universes to normal! For all we know, it could shatter reality itself!"

_'Wow, you say ONE wrong thing and suddenly you're the bad guy again...' _Blah thought. "Ok, look, can we at least go talk to Knuckles about this? And if he turns us away, then we'll stay the heck away. That is a promise."

"You'll stay away from all of the jewels?" Sonic prompted with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes... all of them," Blah sighed. _'I'm even starting to doubt myself, now... I hope Twilight was right about all this.'_

Blah, Hail, and Sera finished their meals in silence.

* * *

><p>"Whoa, I never would've thought you could fly Blah AND Sera as well as yourself..."<p>

"And I never would've thought you could keep your balance on that wing. Guess we just can't stop impressing each other!"

Hail and Sonic conversed over the roar of the wind as the two followed their course for Angel Island. The setup was anything but normal - Amy was riding with Tails in his airplane, the Tornado, with Sonic hanging out on the wing. Both Blah and Sera were perched atop Hailstorm as if they were riding a flying motorcycle.

Blah had no idea what direction his relations with Sonic's gang were going - one second, they were suspicious of him, and the next, they were open and friendly. In the latter case, they probably still didn't trust him, but...

Blah's thoughts were cut short as the massive floating Angel Island came into view. The island was covered in trees, and he could just make out the Emerald Shrine in the center, where Knuckles likely spent most of his days. It suddenly occurred to Blah how lonely he must've been...

"Whoa..." Hail exclaimed as they approached the island. "It'd take a unicorn almost as powerful as Celestia herself to keep that up..."

Hail and Tails moved in for a landing, bringing down their respective passengers onto solid hover-ground. But no sooner did Blah set foot on the island than he felt the sharp glares of dozens of angry echidnas carrying equally sharp spears, and pointing them threateningly at the entire group. The echidnas looked as though they had come straight from ancient Mesoamerica.

"What the... I thought the echidnas had all died out a long time ago..." Blah remarked, his hands raised in surrender.

"We thought the same thing..." Sonic echoed.

"Intruders... you are trespassing on sacred ground," one of the echidnas spoke. "Leave now or we will be forced to exterminate you."

"H-hey... Chill out, guys, we're friends of Knuckles..." Sonic attempted. "We just wanna talk to him for a second, and then we'll be out of your hair."

"We're the only friends Knuckles has, and the only ones he needs. Go."

_'Ok, I'm at a loss here...' _thought Blah to Sera. _'Got any plans?'_

_"I will attempt to alert Knuckles himself," _she replied. _"Stall for time while I mentally search for him."_

Blah took in a deep breath. "So... what exactly makes this ground sacred, anyway?''

"Gee, I dunno," cut in Amy sarcastically, "You think it could be because of the giant shrine in the center with an ancient gem that keeps the entire island suspended in midair?"

The echidnas tensed their spears. "How do you know about that?"

"Good one," muttered Blah.

"I TOLD you," Sonic said, rolling with it, "We've known Knuckles for quite a while, he's always been here, guarding the Master Emerald..."

"Your tale is fascinating, stranger," the unfazed echidna responded, "but we cannot take any cha-"

"Sonic?"

The echidna crowd parted immediately following the gruff voice, making way for another echidna of a deep red hue.

"Knuckles!" exclaimed Tails.

"You know these strangers...?" the other echidna asked Knuckles.

"Of course, these are my friends!" Knuckles confirmed, approaching the group. "...well, half of them anyway."

"This is Blah, Hail, and Sera," introduced Sonic. "They're travelers from another dimension... or something... was that right? Whatever, listen to him, he'll explain it better."

"Right..." Blah took the floor. "I'll give you the short version - basically, eight universes, including yours and mine, combined recently, last week or so seems to be the consensus. Each one contained a Jewel of Universe which acts pretty much like the heart of the universe, and of course this one has 8 of them now. We located one such jewel on Angel Island."

"Huh... Funny coincidence..." Knuckles glanced back at the shrine, the top of which was poking visibly through the trees. "Just a week ago, the Master Emerald turned reddish... I thought something was up, but soon after, these echidnas showed up." He indicated the tribe, who had lowered their spears curiously. "They explained that the Emerald's change of color meant that the remnants of the entire echidna clan had finally awoken from their thousand-year hibernation, ready to assist me in protecting the Emerald and rebuilding our civilization!"

"Iiiinteresting..." Blah mumbled. Knuckles had a wide grin on his face, completely unlike any expression he had ever seen him portrayed with. "...Can we see the new and improved Master Emerald?"

"Sure," said Knuckles. "Follow me." He started to turn, but then noticed that his kin were still holding their spears and watching the strangers suspiciously. "At ease, fellas, these guys are harmless."

"Something doesn't smell right," Amy whispered to Sonic. "Knuckles' story sounds a little TOO convenient."

Sonic shrugged. "We'll just have to see what happens next... when Blah tells him why he's really here."

* * *

><p>The Master Emerald was indeed red as an apple. A red apple, that is.<p>

The shrine itself was surrounded by eight echidnas, each equipped with a spear and standing stiff as a board. Blah was reminded of those British guards that never move a muscle no matter what happens in front of them as long as it is within the law. However, in this case, he didn't want to try anything lest he come off as hostile.

"Yep... it's right here," Knuckles introduced proudly. "Now I can finally rest easy knowing the Emerald is in good, loyal hands."

Blah stared at the Emerald. "Is this what your radar picked up, Tails?" he asked.

Tails checked the device. "Yep..." he affirmed nervously.

"Isn't it always supposed to register the Master Emerald?" Amy wondered aloud. "It IS a Chaos detector, after all..."

Tails shook his head. "No, the Master Emerald's purpose is to regulate Chaos, not radiate it..."

_'Sera, is this one of the Jewels?' _Blah mentally questioned.

_"Yes. This is precisely what I detected,"_ Sera answered.

As Blah continued to watch the jewel, he could feel a pulse resounding in his mind - like a pounding headache, intensifying with every pump. And yet, he couldn't look away. The red Emerald drew him in, and Blah's head was filled with uncomfortable thoughts. It was a voice that was not his own, nor Sera's... but it was familiar all the same.

[You are nothing. Talentless, powerless, friendless. Look around you, these people have everything and you have nothing. Why does anyone even bother talking to you? Because they pity you. You wouldn't last 10 seconds on your own.]

"Uh... Blah?" Sonic called to the fixated human, waving his arm in front of his face... but to no avail.

[This does not have to be your reality. Wake up, take a stand, show the world that you don't need them, that you alone can become more powerful than anyone could ever hope to be. Then... strip them of their power. Show them what it's like to be worthless and pitiful. Make them understand.]

"Make them understand..." Blah muttered.

"Understand what...?" Hail asked shakily.

_"I can't get through to him..." _Sera announced. _"There's some sort of psychic barrier."_

Blah's head raised, a new look in his eyes. One of hatred, of spite. Blah reached for his lance and pointed it straight at Knuckles. "You. I wish to challenge you, for control of the Emerald and this island."

The echidna guards mobilized, surrounding Blah with their spears poised.

"I knew he was up to no good..." sighed Sonic, getting into a battle-ready stance.

_"Blah... what are you doing...?" _wondered Sera, trying desperately to get into Blah's head, only to be inexplicably blocked off.

Knuckles met Blah's glare with one of his own. "A challenge? You want to CHALLENGE me? Are you kidding? I could wipe the floor with you all by myself."

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" Blah taunted. "You and me, one on one. If I win, you submit control of Angel Island and everything on it."

"And if I win?" Knuckles instigated, arms crossed.

"I will leave this place and never bother you, your island, or any of your friends ever again."

"Yeah... never going to happen," declined Knuckles. "It's just a waste of my time. Guards, you know what to do."

"Ha, employing others to fight his own battles?" Blah sneered with confidence as the guards closed in on him. "That's the mentality of a coward!"

Knuckles' eyes widened. He clenched his fists. "What did you just call me...?"

"A coward! Hiding behind your bodyguards, afraid of being shown up by some dark and mysterious stranger who came out of nowhere! You may keep your island, but you will be forever known as the one who ran away from his problems, rather than facing them like a man!"

"What... Knuckles, don't listen to him!" Sonic exclaimed. "He's just trying to-"

"Shut up!" Knuckles yelled, rage reaching its peak. "Ok, fine, you overgrown chimpanzee! You've got your fight! I'll show you who the coward is!" He glanced at the worried and shocked expressions of Sonic, Tails, and Amy, as well as those of his echidna brethren. "...but on one condition. Only 'cowards' hide behind tools such as that lance of yours, or that hammer strapped to your back. If you're going to talk the talk, then throw away your weapons and walk the walk!"

Knuckles' smug grin was cut short by Blah discarding all of his weapons without a second thought, and his armor to boot. "No shields, no utensils, just pure unadulterated fisticuffs. I am not afraid of you. Now, come at me bro."

The red echidna scowled, leaping off of the shrine and on the other side of Blah, where the clearing granted proper fighting room.

"We can't let this happen... this isn't right at all!" protested Hail in the newly formed crowd of spectators.

_"It's... a questionable strategy, but if Blah wins, he will be able to break the Jewel without any further obstructions," _Sera explained. _"He most likely blocked me out because he knew we would object to this... but I am certain that Blah knows what he's doing."_

"Well, you're the smart one..." Hail backed out. "I just hope this doesn't end badly... I haven't seen Blah fight without weapons before..."


	18. A Change of Plans

CHAPTER 18: A Change of Plans

Knuckles and Blah stared at each other from opposite ends of the field. They had a sizable crowd of one or two dozen, and everyone in the crowd watched tensely, nobody certain of how this was going to end.

"Any day now," Knuckles taunted.

"Ladies first," retaliated Blah.

"You're toying with the wrong guy!" Knuckles charged at Blah, fist held back. Blah ducked to the side of Knuckles' punch, blocking his other fist coming around for a hook with his left arm and kicking Knuckles squarely in the chin. Minimizing the recoil, Knuckles swung his right fist again at Blah's gut, but he jumped back and out of the way.

Blah was next to advance. He lunged with a spinning kick, but Knuckles caught Blah's foot and shoved him onto the ground.

"Anyone could've seen that coming," Knuckles boasted, looking down at his opponent.

Blah answered not with words, but with actions, jackknifing and using the momentum to spring forward with a diving clothesline. Knuckles didn't forsee that one.

Knuckles angrily rolled onto his feet and leaped at Blah with an uppercut, which he dodged, but Knuckles continued the assault with punch after punch. After the third punch, Blah's fleet feet faltered and he started taking hits left and right.

For a moment, Blah recovered, landing a body punch, but it was a weak shot and Knuckles soon regained the upper hand.

Finishing with a solid hook to the jaw, Blah was sent crashing to the ground again with several fresh bruises and cuts. But this didn't stop him from standing up again. "This is becoming more of a chore than a fight," Knuckles sighed.

"Believe me, I'm just getting started," Blah said, wiping a stream of blood from his lips.

Knuckles rushed again, landing a body shot which stunned Blah long enough for him to poise himself for a spiral uppercut.

He sprang forward, a trail of fire surrounding his glove, twisting around and throwing his fist. He followed through with a jump at the end.

Blah was hit hard before he even had time to react. Knuckles had launched him several feet in the air, sending Blah onto his back yet again.

Knuckles landed, tightening his glove. "Do us both a favor and stay down," Knuckles commanded.

[Look at that smug face.]

The voice was back. Blah's vision blurred, but he heard the voice clear as day.

[He thinks he's better than you because of his abnormal strength and his fancy moves. But he's not, because you have a sleeve full of your own tricks. Show him what the short end of the stick looks like!]

Blah jaw was burnt from his opponent's flaming punch. "That was a special technique..."

"You better believe it," affirmed Knuckles.

"You're not the only one with special techniques."

Blah stood up again, slower than before, and distanced himself from Knuckles a bit. The voice's words seemed to open up a new channel for his Hajike, a quicker one despite his physical wounds. "Fist of the Milky Way..." He took on a reddish aura. "Rage of Taurus!"

"What is he..." Knuckles didn't have time to finish his sentence, as Blah was charging at unprecedented speeds with his head lowered, like an enraged bull. Knuckles got into a blocking stance, but in mid-charge Blah's aura formed into two huge, sharp bull horns, one of which he used to gore Knuckles in the stomach and toss him behind like a ragdoll. The conjured horn wasn't as sharp as that of a real bull, but it was enough to create a notable puncture wound.

And as if that wasn't enough, Blah turned straight around and literally trampled the winded Knuckles, stomping on his chest.

"Hold on, that has to be cheating!" cried Amy.

_"If Knuckles can use fire," _Sera disputed, _"then Blah can use Hajike."_

"Hadge-what?" Amy questioned, but Sera was already fixated on the battle again.

Knuckles was not yet down for the count, and he certainly wasn't happy. He grabbed Blah by the ankle and slammed him into the ground. Blah's horns impaled the dirt, reducing some of the impact but leaving him stuck.

Blah swung his body forward, the horns disappearing in time for him to roll back into a standing position. Knuckles, fists flaming once again, aimed a swing at Blah's stomach, which he dodged by jumping backwards. He was taken by surprise and upon landing, he stumbled.

By the time Blah looked back up at Knuckles, he was curled up and charging for a spin dash.

The red sphere shot at Blah, and he began to focus again, channeling the new crimson energy. He drew back his leg. "Fist of the Milky Way, Comet Kick!" With a sound like a whip cracking, Blah's foot collided with the Knuckleball and sent it flying high into the sky.

The force of the kick, coupled with his angular momentum, prevented Knuckles from unfurling - he was stuck in ball form at the mercy of his adversary. Blah leaped upward with the force of a rocket and met the echidna at the apex of his flight. With a front flip, Blah slammed down on the ball with his foot, causing it to reach terminal velocity in the blink of an eye.

CRASH! In an explosion of dirt and dust, Knuckles left a huge crater in the face of the island. Most of the stunned viewers had a new coat of grass and soil, and Knuckles was buried a good 10 feet into the ground.

Blah landed gracefully as the red aura faded again, and he instantly felt the side-effects of expending so much energy in one maneuver. He dropped to one knee, and his breathing intensified. For a fleeting moment, Blah wondered just what he had gotten himself into, but then he remembered that in the end, the cause would ultimately benefit everyone... especially himself. Right?

"By Celestia's mane," breathed Hailstorm. "How much did I miss...?"

_"This is Blah's Hajike," _Seraphina filled him in. _"A powerful energy that comes from the subconscious itself. But Blah's aura... it's nothing like the energy I'm used to seeing from him."_

Blah stood up again, shaking it off as best as he could as he saw Knuckles' clawed glove emerge from the fresh hole.

"What do you mean?" asked Hail.

_"It's as if his subconscious is controlling him, rather than him controlling his subconscious... that could explain why I'm unable to reach him..."_

Knuckles brushed himself off. He was covered in scratches and bruises now, and he was angrier than ever. "That was impressive..." he panted, "but it'll take a lot more than that to defeat me!"

As Knuckles charged yet again, Blah felt the voice taking control once more.

[This battle isn't yet over, and you still have everything to prove. You can no longer hold back.]

Blah began to feel numb, as if the exhaustion was fading from his body. The aura surrounded him again.

Knuckles threw punch after punch, but Blah dodged each and every one without even thinking about it. He kept this up as he waited for a perfectly straight punch, through dozens of strikes, patiently dodging and waiting for the perfect opportunity.

And, when it finally came, he grabbed Knuckles' arm and twisted it over the echidna's own shoulder in a tight lock. He had angled it such that if Knuckles made any sudden movements, Blah could break his arm with a twitch.

[You have him on the ropes. Time to hammer the final nail in the coffin.]

"Fist of the Milky Way..."

Blah's aura intensified. Knuckles braced himself. The entire crowd braced themselves.

"Supernova."

Blah himself began to shine with the intensity of a red sun, and the light engulfed both him and Knuckles. The island shook as the temperature skyrocketed for a split second. When the light faded, Knuckles fell unconscious to the ground, his entire body charred and blackened by the heat.

Blah's clothes were singed, but he was completely unharmed beyond his prior injuries. The numbness went away, and in its place the exhaustion returned, utterly agonizing. He dropped to both knees, breathing into the ground.

Though Blah felt no better than Knuckles looked, the victor of the match was clear. The beholders all stood with wide eyes and dropped jaws. Even Sera's eyes were showing.

All was silent. Blah slowly made his way to his feet.

"I believe you are all familiar with the proposition."

He retreived his armor, calmly slipping it back on. "I gain control of the island and everything on it. I used no weapons, no armor, no tools. Only my limbs and my natural abilities." He strapped his hammer to its usual place. "Now, considering you echidnas live on the island... and your leader was defeated... you must swear your loyalty to me."

The natives held their spears close, blatantly showing fear and yet retained some defiance. But with a quick angry glare from Blah, the entire population dropped their weapons and kneeled before him.

"Why I outta..." Amy started forward with her brightly-colored hammer, but Sonic grabbed her arm.

"He did win this fair and square," Sonic lamented. "Come on, we gotta take care of Knuckles."

Tails silently and hastily helped Sonic carry Knuckles back to the Tornado. Amy gave Blah one final look of disapproval before hopping into the plane, followed by Sonic, and Tails drove off into the sky.

"Ooooookay," Hail nervously droned, "so now you've got the jewel... and your own personal army apparently... congratulations I guess?" It was obvious he didn't quite approve of Blah's methods either, and when Blah looked at him with the same menacing disposition, even Hail cowered.

"Thanks," Blah said simply, taking a seat on the steps of the shrine and leaning back.

"So uh... you want to break that jewel now?" Hail prompted, tentatively taking a backward step.

Blah glanced up at the jewel whose redness was nearly identical to Blah's unfamiliar aura. "Well, I wouldn't want to send my new island crashing into the ocean, now would I?"

"WHAT?" Hail snapped. "But you... the whole reason for... was to..." He trailed off as Blah's gaze met his again. He looked over to Sera.

_"I was afraid of this," _she sorrowed. _"The jewel has some sort of spell over him. As soon as he laid his eyes upon it... something took hold of his conscious."_

"But... what...?" Hail uttered, straining to form words. "And... why?"

_"My best guess... the jewel has determined that Blah is a more suitable bodyguard, and so it recruited him."_

"Well... how do we reverse it?" Hail whispered as Blah began to fall asleep.

Sera looked at Hail._ "That... is anyone's guess."_

* * *

><p>["Everything went according to plan! Operation 'make him saw off the log he's sitting on' was a complete success!"]<p>

}"Brilliant. Now, time to clean up the mess. I trust that you have that branch under control, Blue?"{

/"My keepers are already on it. Those nubs will never know what hit them."\

* * *

><p>SLAM.<p>

"What do you want with me? Hey! Put me down, or I'll..."

"Or you'll what? TEACH me something? BWAHAHAHA! Take her away, boys!"

"I TRIED to warn you..."

CRASH.

"Argh!"

SLICE.

SMASH.

ROAR!

Crackle...

"Hah! Looks like too much friendship can give you HEARTBURN..."


	19. The Aftermath

CHAPTER 19: The Aftermath

"You sure it's ok to just leave him like this?"

Hailstorm departed from Angel Island carrying only Seraphina. He was glad that there was a much lighter load, but he somewhat missed having the extra weight on board...

_"His duty is to the jewel now," _Sera stated. _"He won't be going anywhere."_

"Ok, I guess..." Hail looked away sadly. "But... what do we do now?"

_"The only thing we can do," _Sera answered. _"We must consult the only friend who knows even a little about the jewels."_

"Oh yeah... Twilight's bound to know something!" Hail said with renewed hope. "But it'll take us forever to get back to Ponyville..."

_"Not with me on the case. Brace yourself."_

"For wha- WHOA."

Hail's heart skipped a beat when the terrain below him changed from ocean to grassland in an instant. Looking ahead, he could make out the outlines of familiar buildings. Hail had experienced teleportation for the first time.

But something wasn't quite about the horizon... there was a dark fog covering the sky above the village. Hail flew closer, and he could see why... many of the buildings had been set on fire.

"..."

A team of pegasi zoomed out and about, transporting rainclouds over the burning buildings as quickly as possible. On the ground, unicorns loaded up ambulance carriages with injured ponies on stretchers as earth ponies drove them off to the clinic. But burns weren't the only injuries these ponies had sustained... many of them had nasty cuts and broken bones as well.

"What in Celestia's name happened here?" Hailstorm asked a passing pegasus mare.

"We were attacked!" she responded. "Giant turtles raided the village, and one of them breathed fire!"

"What? Why?" Hail continued in a panic.

"Who knows... but thankfully, nopony was killed... and only one pony remains unaccounted for."

Hail gulped. "W-who would that be?"

The pegasus glumly looked over at the area of town where the library used to be. "Twilight Sparkle." The two words that Hail would have given his left wing not to have heard. There was nothing left of the library but a smoldering pile of ashes and many half-burned books.

_"This cannot possibly be a coincidence," _noted Sera. _"What about Twilight's dragon assistant? Is he all right?"_

The pegasus blinked in response to Sera's voice in her head, but shook it off. "Why, yes... Spike is in the hospital right now... he wasn't seriously injured, but he was really shaken up."

"Hospital it is..." Hail wasn't looking forward to the sight of all those ponies in agony. "Thanks." He sped off to the busiest building in town.

Trying his best not to get in the way of the wounded ponies, he quickly asked around and was directed to a room on the ground floor. He entered the room and saw Spike, a tad blemished from the fires but otherwise healthy.

"S... Sera?" coughed Spike. "And... Hailstorm, was it?"

"Spike!" Hail practically pounced on Spike. "Oh man, it's so good to see you after what I just heard..."

"Ok, that's a little close," Spike complained, pushing him away. "I don't even know you that well."

"Sorry," Hail drew back sheepishly. "But um... about Twilight..."

"Oh man, it was terrible," the baby dragon recollected. "This big dragon turtle with a spiked green shell, two horns and fiery red hair... he came into town with this huge army of smaller non-dragon turtles, demanding to see Twilight and torching anypony who didn't talk..."

"That IS terrible..." Hail commented, cringing at the image.

_"Any ideas where they might have taken Twilight?" _asked Sera. _"Or, who exactly they might be, or why they wanted Twilight in particular?"_

"Beats me..." sighed Spike. "I've never seen anything like them before... not that I get out much..."

_"We must be dealing with the denizens of a previously unencountered universe," _concluded Sera. _"If only Blah weren't in his trance, he would almost certainly recognize this turtle from the description."_

Hail nodded. "...does Princess Celestia know about this?"

"Of course, I sent her a distress letter right away," Spike answered. "And she replied saying she was aware of the army before they reached Ponyville, and had already sent out a militia... which didn't return."

"Oh jeez," Hail reacted. "So, that's it, then...?"

Spike shook his head. "I don't know what'll happen next. Equestria's been peaceful and pacifistic for over a thousand years, or so Twilight's told me. We weren't exactly prepared for a war outta nowhere..."

The realizations were pelting him, ironically, like hailstones in a huge winter storm. There was no way to tell what this new faction's goals were, or if they would even stop with Twilight, but Equestria could fall at the drop of a hat. With Blah out of the picture, there wasn't much they could do to prevent it if they intended to take over their entire land...

"Aha, I had a feelin' y'all would be in here."

Applejack entered the room, her attitude serious as a church. "I was in Blahtown when those turtles attacked, and by the time I heard about it, I was too late. But if there's still somethin' I can do, I sure as sugar ain't gonna sit around no more!" She looked between Hail, Sera, and Spike. "Hang on, where's Blah...?"

_"A different, yet most likely related incident," _Sera stated. _"He was put under a spell of some kind, and is stuck stubbornly guarding an ancient jewel. Twilight is the only one with any knowledge about the situation."_

"That does sound mighty suspicious," Applejack agreed. "Well, anyway, another human showed up here not too long ago. I kinda hoped Blah would be here to meet him, maybe make some sense outta this mess, but we're short on time as it is..."

"R-right..." Hail muttered. "Let's go, then..."

The three turned around to leave the hospital room, but were interrupted by a hasty "Hey, wait up!" Spike had sat up in his bed, brushing himself off. "I wanna find out what happened to Twilight just as much as you guys!"

"Er, it might be dangerous..." Hail denied. "You saw what they did to the town... to Twilight..."

"Shoot, he can at least tag along to hear what this fella has to say," Applejack retorted. "Come along, sugarcube."

Hail sighed as the earth pony allowed Spike to mount her and the foursome headed out of the hospital.

The town was mostly calmed down now, as the buildings were sufficiently doused and the wounded had been safely taken care of. A small group of healthy ponies had gathered around the center of town, around a tall figure whose green hat poked up above the heads of the equines.

"I can't-a believe even he would hurt-a such an innocent village... full of harmless, colorful ponies... he must really have-a no heart."

Hailstorm and Applejack nudged their way into the crowd to see a lean, mustachioed, green-suited man in blue overalls. His green hat had the letter L on the front. He sat on the corner of the well, looking disappointed and mournful.

"Well, it could have been worse..." one of the crowd-goers said in an attempt to cheer him up.

"I don't even want-a to think about how it could've been-a worse..." replied the green human. "That-a Bowser's always done evil things, but this takes-a the cake..."

_"So this 'Bowser' was behind the attack?" _Sera projected. _"What else can you tell us about him?"_

The man timidly looked up, startled by the voice in his head as per the standard reaction, and saw Sera on Hail's back. "Um... he calls himself the Koopa King, and he has a castle on the edge of the Mushroom-a Kingdom." He glanced towards the edge of town. "We heard that he and his Koopa army was on-a the move, shortly after he kidnapped the Princess, so me and my brother Mario split up. He went-a to Bowser's castle, and I, Luigi, went after the army... and here-a I am..."

Sera did a few quick calculations in her head, borrowing some information from Luigi. The Mushroom Kingdom was a ways to the northeast, and on the edge of which was the location of another Jewel of Universe.

"Now wait just an apple-pickin' minute," Applejack cut in. "You say Bowser kidnapped the princess? You don't mean Princess Celestia, do ya?"

"Who?" Luigi asked. "No, Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser always tries-a to kidnap her for some reason, but Mario and I usually stop him. THIS time, however... he had-a some help."

_"What kind of help?" _Sera continued.

"It was a creature I had never-a seen before... a floating, yellow, triangle-shaped... thing, with two blue arms and a plain, unmoving face... it's incredibly fast and strong-a."

Members of the crowd exchanged glances. It didn't sound familiar to any of them, either.

"I don't know if Mario can handle-a this all by himself... he's done some amazing things in-a the past, but I'm always worried something might-a happen to him... and then what'll happen to Princess Peach, and-a the innocent ponies?"

Luigi's voice was starting to falter, and tears formed in his eyes.

Of all of the ponies in the crowd, Hailstorm felt Luigi's sadness and worry the most. He, too, worried - about Twilight, and Blah. 'But, where does worrying get you?' thought Hail. 'If you're that concerned, you gotta do something about it!'

"Luigi..." Hail finally spoke, after too long of a silence, "There's no need for any of us to sit around and worry, because we are going to march to Bowser's castle ourselves, help Mario defeat him and his accomplice and rescue Princess Peach and Twilight Sparkle!"

The entire crowd, let alone Luigi, was impressed by Hail's firmness and sincerity. Luigi looked up, and determination washed over his face. "You're right! Mario doesn't have-a to be alone, because he's-a got me! Us!"

"Now we're talkin'!" Applejack cheered.

_"And then, perhaps we can find some answers..." _Sera thought.

"Well, let's not waste any more time! To Bowser's castle!" Hail cried, rearing up and ready to charge.

"I guess this is the end of the line for me, huh?" Spike said to Applejack.

"I'm afraid so, sugarcube. Ponyville needs a way to keep in touch with Princess Celestia, after all."

"Got it..." Spike dismounted. "Just... please bring back Twilight safe and sound, ok?"

"You can bet your bottom bit we'll do just that," Applejack promised. She looked over at Luigi, who was already glancing at her nervously. "...Go ahead. Hop on."

"R-really?" Luigi said with brightened eyes.

"The sooner we get to the castle, the better," she nodded.

Hesitating for a moment and no longer, Luigi jumped on her back, and the party of four sped off into the fields.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe it! I can't believe that I let that... MONKEY get to me!"<p>

Knuckles slammed the table next to the bed, which shattered under his fist. "Ow..."

"Knuckles..." Sonic sighed. "You did your best. Nobody's perfect, ya know? You'll get the Master Emerald back, you just need to rest first."

"You don't understand!" shouted Knuckles. "Angel Island was all I had! And after all this time, I thought I was the only Echidna left, but the moment I find out otherwise, some chump steals it all away! Who knows what he's doing to my island, my legacy, as we speak!"

"It'll still be there when you recover..." Tails reassured him. "It's an ISLAND, after all. And even if he breaks the Master Emerald, you can always put it back together again. It's nothing we haven't been able to handle before."

"Yeah, we'll always be there for ya, Knux," Sonic added.

"I know, I know..." Knuckles took a deep breath and cooled down a bit. "For now, I just... need some time alone..."

"Sure thing, buddy," Sonic said. "Come on, let's let the guy have some peace and quiet."

Sonic, Tails, and Amy filed out of the room, leaving Knuckles alone with his thoughts.

As soon as they closed the door, there came a stern feminine voice from above them.

"I hear Blah took over Angel Island..."

The gang looked up in time to see a figure jump gracefully from the roof down in front of them. Sonic blinked at the eavesdropping girl, and her face brought about a feeling of deja vu. Her appearance matched the description of one that they had been told about very recently.

"...Are you the girl Blah helped out of Metropolis?" Sonic guessed.

The girl nodded. "The name's Astra, to be precise. When I first encountered Blah... he didn't exactly strike me as the island-hustling type."

"First impressions aren't usually very accurate," Tails shrugged.

"She has a point though..." Amy said. "When he was fighting Knuckles, I saw... something in his eyes. It was like he was a completely different person than the one we met at the Food Palace."

"Aha, I knew it..." Astra continued. She paused for a moment. "...I feel like maybe I can talk some sense into him. I'll need transportation to the island, if you wouldn't mind."

Sonic raised an eyebrow. He had the slightest feeling that she might have been hiding something. "How do we know we can trust you? The last stranger we trusted went on to exploit a friend of ours' weakness and then steal an island from him."

"Because, I happen to know about the Jewels that started this whole mess... and also, who's controlling him."


	20. Ticking Time Bomb

CHAPTER 20: Ticking Time Bomb

The road to Bowser's castle was long and treacherous, filled with Bowser's koopa minions and huge bottomless chasms. Other notable sights included floating flashing blocks and giant pipes sticking out of the ground, not to mention visible faces on nearly every hill and cloud in the distance.

The minions themselves were quite varied as well - stout, waddling evil mushrooms, koopas with brightly-colored shells and optional wings, plants with huge jaws dwelling in the various pipes...

And that was just the first stretch of road.

Applejack bucked a koopa shell, tumbling a line of goombas like bowling pins before jumping over a pit out of the way of a piranha plant fireball. Luigi did his best to hang on tight. "Whew... This sure is a freaky place..." Applejack commented.

"I don't think it's so bad," said Hailstorm between rounds of teleporting (thanks to Sera) in between parakoopas and kicking them out of the sky. "This is kind of fun, actually."

Luigi and Applejack soon found themselves cornered at a wall and a pipe by many ground-based enemies. "Easy for you to say..." Luigi whined. "You can-a fly AND teleport..."

A Shadow Ball shot from the sky. The group of monsters was telekinetically crowded closer together, allowing the projectile to blast all of them at once. _"Would you care to switch mounts with me, then?" _Sera asked.

"Yes-a please... No offense, Apple-a-jack."

"None taken, pardner."

* * *

><p>There was no sound but the hum of the Tornado's engines as Tails patiently piloted his airplane once again towards Angel Island. Sonic took his usual spot on the wing, and the second seat was instead filled by their newly acquired acquaintance, Astra.<p>

"So..." Tails said after a while, breaking the silence. "Astra, was it? You say you've never seen Blah before yesterday?"

"Not at all..." Astra answered simply.

"It's kinda funny, 'cause you two look alike. Almost like he's your brother or something."

"Hmm..." she replied distantly, glancing at the passing ocean.

"...IS he?" Tails glanced back at her for a moment.

"I... don't remember having a brother," Astra stated.

Tails paused for a moment. "You don't remember, huh?" he repeated. He glanced at Sonic, who was shuffling impatiently on the wing, and noticed that he could not hear his and Astra's conversation over the noise of the plane and the wind. "Interesting way to put it. So what DO you remember, then?"

"I don't know who my real mother and father are..." Astra continued hesitantly. "I was told that my parents went their separate ways shortly after I was born, and that my mother went off into space... and unable to take care of me alone, my father put me in a foster home."

"And you were never visited by either of them?" Tails asked sympathetically.

"No..." Astra sighed. "I've been trying to figure out who my parents are for as long as I can remember. And when I met Blah, I felt a strange... connection to him. I might be a bit hasty, but he seems like the closest thing I have to family right now."

"Hey Tails!" Sonic shouted over the wind, interrupting Tails' thoughts on the matter. "Is it me or is this taking longer than usual?"

Tails squinted ahead. He had gone out a few miles from the shore of the mainland, and usually by then they would have at least seen Angel Island...

"Uh... that's odd..." Tails looked all over the place. He made the trip to the island so many times that he almost never got lost on the way, and now he was over the middle of the ocean without a landmark in sight.

"I figured this might happen..." Astra muttered.

"What?" Tails spoke, barely hearing her.

"When the Master Emerald... 'changed' a while ago, I knew it wouldn't be long before someone figured out how to tap into its hidden powers."

"What are you talking about? Hidden powers?" Even Sonic was listening closely now.

"The Emerald keeps the island from crashing into the ocean. And that's only the beginning of the control it has over that landmass..."

"You don't mean..."

"Yes. Blah is literally piloting the island."

* * *

><p>"THIS is Bowser's castle? It seems a bit... anticlimactic."<p>

Hailstorm stood in front of the entrance to the small miniature castle in front of the giant flagpole marking a checkpoint along the road. In front of them was a green pipe extending into the ground, accessible from ground level.

"No, this is just-a... actually, I never could figure out what-a these were for."

Sera blinked herself and Applejack safely down from the giant staircase leading up to the flagpole, joining Hail and Luigi.

"Whew!" sighed Applejack. "This ain't no hillside picnic, that's for sure..."

"And that was only the first-a level!" Luigi stated. "Next stop: the Underground! Let's-a go!" Luigi headed straight for the pipe.

"Um... do we really HAVE to go underground?" questioned Hail. "Can't we just keep going... in the air?"

"Well, er..." Luigi sheepishly looked at his feet. "I don't-a know how else to get there."

Silence.

"All I know is, go in-a the pipe, jump around underground for a while, then come up-a the other side."

Silence.

"I mean, when me and-a Mario first took this road, I kinda... fell down in-a the pipe and he had to go in after, and then later we just-a decided to stick with what we knew and all that."

Silence.

"It's actually kinda fun to sli-"

"You know what," Hail interrupted with a facehoof. "Fine. Let's just take the pipe."

"Yaaay!" Luigi jumped into the air, did a front-flip, and dropped into the pipe feet-first. Applejack shrugged and dove into the pipe herself, followed closely behind by Sera. Hailstorm sighed and followed suit.

The pipe clanked and quivered as the four slid down it, although none of them were colliding with the sides. Luigi raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, a wall came down and blocked the passage, revealing a detour which Luigi, and soon the others, were helplessly forced to take.

"I don't-a remember this pipe having a detour...!" cried Luigi.

"What?" shouted Hail in an outrage. "Then where are we going?"

"You nubs just don't know when to give up, do you?" The voice, reverberating throughout the pipe, was cold and monotone.

"Who said that?" panicked Hail.

"There's only one way to get a nub off your back for good... Kill them."

The pipe was starting to get warmer the further they slid. There was a sickening red glow at the end of the ride, and Luigi could barely make out a pool of molten lava approaching fast.

"Wah! L-l-lava!" Luigi exclaimed as he pressed himself against the sides of the pipe to try and slow down, but the metal was so hot that it burned him through his gloves, causing him to retract his arms. "Owowow! HELP!"

Hail tried to flap his wings, but there wasn't enough room in the enclosed space to fly. Applejack was struggling just to keep herself from getting burned.

Sera was surprisingly calm. _"Grab onto Applejack. I can get us out of here."_

Applejack heard Sera's thought and extended her hooves in both directions, gritting her teeth through the burning. Hailstorm managed to clamp onto her right rear leg with his two forelegs. Luigi frantically clawed backwards at the mare's front hooves, but he was too far ahead to reach.

"C'mon, Luigi... you can do it!" grunted Applejack.

"I... I c-can't...!" Luigi was on the brink of tears.

The end of the line was almost here. The four of them were moments away from plunging into the boiling liquid. The heat was intense, but Sera concentrated as hard as she could. Luigi began to fall ever-so-slightly slower... and just when his feet had left the pipe, he finally clasped his hand around Applejack's hoof.

In the following split second, Hailstorm caught a glimpse of a yellow shape on a small platform in the chamber, upon which two small emotionless dots glared at him with a longing hatred the likes of which he had never felt before. He had seen quite a few sinister sights in his adventures as of late, but this one took the cake. It was as if he was staring into the face of wrath itself.

Sera wasted no more time in utilizing her escape plan. All four of them disappeared from the chamber in a flash.

When they awakened, they were in a calm, hilly field. Everyone but Sera flopped over simultaneously, nursing their more serious burns.

"That was a close one..." uttered Luigi. "This-a never happened to me before..."

"Well, at least everypony's all right," Applejack breathed.

"...Say, uh... Where are we?" Luigi asked.

_"It was the quickest teleport I could muster," _Sera explained, _"and so we're in the area with which I am the most familiar. The Sinnoh Region. Route 215, to be exact. My former home."_

Luigi was caught up in the ambiance of the relatively peaceful area, but his enjoyment of the place was interrupted by the earth pony's voice. "...uh, Hailstorm?"

Applejack was regrettably ready to take back what she said earlier - the pegasus pony hadn't moved since the teleport. His eyes were wide open, and his entire body was numb.

"He's going to destroy everything..." Hail whispered, twitching.

"Wh-who is?" Luigi listened to Hail closely, mirroring his fear.

"There will be nothing left... and there's nothing we can do..."

"What are y'all talkin' about?" Applejack demanded, becoming a little nervous herself.

"I've seen it... The murderous look in his eyes... The raw power and will behind it..."

_"Who or what are we dealing with?" _Sera added. _"Please, tell us."_

Hail's voice grew so soft that he barely muttered his next word. "Trank."

Applejack and Luigi exchanged skeptical glances... but Sera felt a horrid chill slither down her spine. The name brought to the surface a vision that she had only faintly seen while probing through Blah's unconscious mind. It had always been there, a ticking time bomb planted within the wall, just out of sight. A bomb that brought with it huge balls of fire raining from the sky, the very earth splitting to its core, and the unavoidable death of every living thing in this Frankenstein of a universe.

This vision had persisted strongly in the back of Blah's, and now Sera's mind, and had only now become vivid.

An apocalypse was steadily approaching that would bring down not one, but eight worlds.

* * *

><p><strong>And thus marks the end of the first 20 chapters I had written before the upload, and I'm not even halfway done, ahaha. The rest of the chapters will come as they are completed. Once again, every review helps, whether short or long, good or bad. See you next time!<br>**


	21. Smashing!

**By the way, is it too late to mention that I don't own anything in this? 'Cause I don't. :'L**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 21: Smashing!<p>

The ocean passed below him as the sky above. His last rest was the best he had had in a long while, and the voices had long since ceased. For the first time since arriving in this world, Blah's mind was clear as a bell.

He thought back to the events leading up to this point, but stopped abruptly when he remembered the ridiculousness of it all... the complexity... the coincidences... the past didn't matter, all that mattered was what should happen from the present time.

He had a plan. A solid one, in his mind. He'd have to save the red Master Emerald for last in his jewel-smashing list, because with it under his control, he could break it at any time. And as a bonus, he had a means of transportation for the rest of his quest, an entire controlled environment containing his own personal, loyal army. Normality would be a cakewalk.

His only regret was that his original party abandoned him. How was he going to find the rest of the jewels without Sera's guidance? He only knew the exact whereabouts of two.

Naturally, his first target had to be the one of them he didn't already possess... he would go straight back for the Everfree Forest.

The echidnas were reluctant to move their island after so long, but they had no choice but to listen to their new leader.

"We are approaching the mainland," the echidna who piloted the island informed his captain.

"Brilliant, thank you First Mate," Blah replied.

"...I HAVE a name..." the 'first mate' muttered, just low enough that Blah couldn't hear it.

"Now, where was I...?" Blah tried to remember his previous train of thought, but was interrupted by another, female, echidna.

"Captain Blah!" the echidna cried. "We've found something unfamiliar while 'scavenging' the island's caves as you ordered..."

Blah perked up with interest. This outta be good. "Lead the way, homeslice!"

The echidna rolled her eyes after turning around and heading for the cave in question.

A short spelunking trip later, Blah found himself in a chamber eerily lit by a purplish glow. Already inside the chamber were five or six tense echidnas pressed up against the wall, some of them afraid to even look at the object floating in the center - a pulsating dark gray orb.

Blah stared at the orb. He recognized it immediately as his Terraria mindset was called into question once again... this was a Shadow Orb. Breaking it caused a variety of bad news, most of which ultimately resulted in sweet loot for any player who could best its challenges. Blah laughed a joyful, somewhat mischievous laugh when he remembered the spoils he could reap from unleashing a few dark spirits.

There was one thing that puzzled him about the orb, however: weren't they usually found in deep chasms in the Corruption? This orb wasn't in a chasm, or the Corruption...

"What is it, sire...?" one of the echidnas asked through uneasy breath. "Some vessel of Chaos...?"

"You could say that," Blah answered, which didn't help to calm any of their nerves. Blah himself, however, was right as rain. He dismissed the odd placement of the Shadow Orb as another quirk of the mixed universes, much like the premature Hardmode Corruption.

A grin on his face, he whipped out his Breaker. Things were about to get serious...

* * *

><p>"Whoa!"<p>

"Hey!"

"Meep..."

Tails stabilized the Tornado as quickly as he could. He had no idea what came over him, but he felt stiff all of a sudden, and beading with cold sweat. "That was weird..."

"You felt that too?" Astra asked from the backseat.

"Wow, yeah..." Sonic said, nervously scratching his head. "Something big must've just went down..."

* * *

><p>"Calm down, man, panicking isn't going to help anything..." Hailstorm calmly voiced to a quivering Luigi from opposite ends of a Pokemon Center lounge.<p>

"Well..." started Applejack, "I reckon we outta keep on our hooves, at least... we can't ignore a thing like that."

"But what does it MEAN...?" Hail trailed off.

* * *

><p>"It's so bright, so vivid!" exclaimed Don Patch.<p>

"Shooting star all the way across the sky..." uttered an awe-stricken Jelly Jiggler. A star shined brilliantly as it crossed the evening sky over Bo-bobo World.

"YEAH, YEEEEEEEAH!" shouted Bo-bobo. He added with a whisper, "So intense..."

"Uh, guys..." Beauty, Bo-bobo's pink-haired relatively normal friend, spoke up with concern. "It looks like it's heading straight for Earth..."

* * *

><p>- accommodatedDragon [AD] began pestering heedlessDeacon [HD] at 18:19 -<p>

AD: Hey.  
>AD: Not to be a bother or anything, but were you planning on actually starting this game anytime soon?<br>AD: The clock has been ticking for a good hour now.  
>HD: uhhh not really<br>HD: its not like a meteors gonna crash into my house or anything if i dont  
>AD: Aha, funny story about that...<br>AD: You might want to look out your window.  
>HD: ?<br>HD: is that  
>HD: really what the timer means<br>HD: cause if im gonna get squashed i might wanna  
>HD: you know<br>HD: MOVE  
>AD: Nonsense!<br>HD: somewhere far away  
>AD: We'll continue playing the game.<br>HD: what  
>HD: you cant be serious<br>AD: But I am.  
>AD: I have the feeling that, if we continued the game normally, you will be perfectly fine.<br>AD: We've already seen elements of the game transition into real life.  
>AD: This meteor might be one of them.<br>AD: Pfff, although I'm ok with watching you flounder about your room for a while in a panic.  
>HD: no thats fine<br>HD: you know what  
>HD: im gonna play this game<br>HD: and pray that i live  
>HD: procrastination can wait<br>AD: Now we're talking!  
>HD: now wheres that flashing ball<br>HD: im gonna give it something to play with so it can shut up while i think

* * *

><p>"Hm. That was anti-climactic."<p>

Blah picked up the large rifle that fell on the ground when he smashed the Shadow Orb. It was a musket rifle, a primitive but powerful firearm. It came with a few dozen musket balls, but the orb produced no other effects, to Blah's knowledge. No Goblin Army, no Eater of Worlds re-summon, and no meteor either.

"...wait," Blah said, putting the brakes on his thoughts, "this isn't Terraria... if something happened, I wouldn't know about it immediately!"

Blah headed back for the island's surface, followed by several hesitant, confused echidnas.

He looked out over the mainland, and then something caught the corner of his eye... he turned to the sky to see a massive flaming rock from space descending upon some distant location.

Blah smiled. Space rocks made some pretty decent weapons and armor.

"Change of plans, men!" Blah called to his crew. "Follow that meteor!"

* * *

><p>"Well... it'll have to wait," Hailstorm ultimately decided. "We do have priorities... although I really don't know how we're going to defeat Trank..."<p>

Right on cue, Seraphina teleported back into the lounge. Nurse Joy emerged from a hall.

"Your Abra is in perfect condition," she said cheerfully. "And your burns should be fine after a few days. Try not to put too much pressure on them. Have a good day!"

"Much obliged, nurse!" thanked Applejack with a tip of her hat as the group headed out of the Pokemon Center and into Veilstone City.

"So..." began Hail, "Think we could teleport back on the trail... and maybe a little closer to Bowser's castle?"

_"Unfortunately," _said Sera, _"the less time I have spent in an area, the more difficult it is for me to teleport there. In this case, I may land us somewhere entirely different."_

"How conveniently inconvenient," groaned Hail.

"We ain't lost, are we?" Applejack cut to the chase.

_"Considering I am unfamiliar with the geography of the combined universes, and nobody else here is either, we may very well be."_

"Mamameia..." Luigi remarked.

"Well, can'tcha just try to warp us back to where we were?" Applejack asked. "How bad are we talkin', if it doesn't work out?"

_"We could teleport literally anywhere in the world that I have seen if I remember even a small part of the environment incorrectly."_

"Anywhere that you've seen, huh," Hail repeated, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Let's try it, then."

"Y'all sure about that?" the earth pony prompted with a raised eyebrow.

_"I have seen many places, especially after looking into Blah's subconscious," _Sera stated, bowing her head a little in concentration.

"...then couldn't you just look into Luigi's subconscious and teleport us straight to the castle?" Hail tried. Luigi perked up upon his name being mentioned, and gulped at the thought of someone reading the innermost part of his mind.

_"For some reason, Blah's is the only subconscious that I can see clearly into. Everyone else's is shrouded by instinct and incoherent deep thought." _

Luigi exhaled, relieved.

"Ah, nevermind then," surrendered Hailstorm. "Just give it a shot. We have nothing to lose, right?"

Applejack sighed. "Let's get this over with..."

Sera held out her hands, which Luigi and Hail grabbed onto as she sat on Applejack's back. Her eyelids tightened as she began to focus on the one place they wanted to go to, digging it out of the obscure corners of her memory... and with a wink, their surroundings had changed once again.

The group found themselves in a gloomy, craggy landscape. The sky was cloaked with blackened thunderclouds, and there were occasional lagoons of lava. Tall, grotesque mountains encircled the area. But the most prominent of features was a massive maroon-bricked structure across a narrow bridge over a boiling magma ocean. The castle's front bore the likeness of a certain evil turtle, the sight of which made everyone, especially Luigi, shiver.

"The... C-c-castle... But... How...?" Luigi stuttered.

"How conveniently convenient..." muttered an intimidated Hailstorm.

"What in buckin' blue blazes..." gasped Applejack, becoming anxious herself.

_"Well. Fancy that."_

* * *

><p><strong>Fancy that indeed. Yeah, it was kind of a quickie, but it was a quick quickie. Hopefully these next few chapters will be just as timely, but not quite as short. Thanks for reading!<br>**

**Also, yep._ THAT _totally just happened.  
><strong>


	22. Truth Cakes

CHAPTER 22: Truth Cakes

"So..." started Hailstorm, the face of the massive castle continuing to penetrate his confidence. "You think your brother is in there...?"

"Yes..." answered Luigi. "I hope-a he's ok..."

"Well, what are y'all waiting for?" Applejack took charge. "Let's bust in and give 'im a hoof! And a hand!"

"Wait, wait!" Luigi stopped the country pony in her tracks. "They'll be expecting-a that... we should sneak in through-a the window."

_"I would certainly promote that idea," _Seraphina agreed, _"but we have already been spotted."_

Two dark, armored Koopa guards wielding iron spears were in the middle of rushing across the bridge to drive off the heroes.

Hail stared, frozen with fear, at the incoming guards, and his wings unfurled reflexively. This reminder brought a wave of confidence back to the pegasus. "Hah! Are you forgetting something?" He took off into the air, carrying a startled Luigi, and flew over the guards and straight for a window. Sera followed his lead and teleported herself and Applejack on the guards' other side.

One of the guards quickly motioned to the other, and both of them sprouted wings of their own. One chased after Hailstorm, and the other turned around, hovering in front of Applejack.

A quick glance behind himself brought this oversight to Hail's attention. "And of course they can fly too..." He turned around to meet the Parakoopa, only to realize that he had misjudged the sentient turtle's air speed... which was surprisingly fast for one with such heavy armor.

Luckily, Luigi was ready - he deflected the Koopa's spear thrust with his hammer and was gearing up for a counterstrike. Unluckily, Luigi began to lose his balance at that time. Hail had to struggle to keep him mounted.

_"Don't attack, we can avoid them for now," _Sera instructed Applejack, already poised to dash at the guard. She reluctantly complied, and Sera blinked both of them to a nearby castle windowsill.

They hardly expected the Koopa to almost instantly chuck his spear with lethal accuracy straight at Applejack's head. She ducked just in time, and the spear merely clipped her ear as she retreated into the castle itself. The Koopa followed close behind.

The other Koopa recovered his grip on the spear and stabbed at Luigi again. Hail dove under the swing, putting Luigi in the perfect position to clobber the Koopa right in the relatively lightly-covered stomach. The recoil pushed both parties apart from each other, and Hail took the chance to dart into the window. The Parakoopa recovered shortly and followed.

Once inside, on solid ground, Luigi dismounted Hailstorm to meet the Koopa face-to-face. The plumber and the pony rushed at the Koopa from two sides at once, and the turtle made the mistake of aiming for Hailstorm first. Hail dodged easily as Luigi slammed down on the Koopa with his hammer, causing him to withdraw into his shell so that Luigi could kick him out of the window and straight into the lava moat.

Applejack waited just inside the castle for the other guard, facing the opposite direction, and just as he entered, she unleashed a powerful two-legged buck which sent Bowser's minion out of the air where he suffered the same fate as his patrol-mate.

"Whew..." she sighed, getting a good look at the castle's interior. Impressively large stone brick arches and pillars composed much of the architecture, and it was rather well-maintained, decorated with dark red tapestries and engravings resembling the castle's owner. The two of them appeared to be in a wide hallway with many branching rooms.

Hail looked around a bit for the other half of their rescue party, but found no one. Luigi and Hailstorm were in a completely different wing of the castle. "All right then, let's go back for Ap-"

SLAM. Black, metal bars slid down over the open windows, barring them in the castle. "Seriously...?"

"Well, so much for that plan," Applejack lamented at the window that had shut behind her as well. "At least we don't have to deal with lava or nothin' for a while."

It seemed that separation was the least of their worries - the entire castle shook as giant internal mechanisms slid into place. The very floor was changing around them. Large chunks were elevated upwards and downwards, or removed entirely and replaced with pits of lava, creating a complex obstacle course. Spikes emerged from the ceiling and parts of the floor. Wall turrets gushed streams of flame. Koopas wearing blue robes and odd glasses materialized onto some of the safer platforms in a process Sera was quite familiar with. Brandishing wands, the magicians cackled in unison as they awaited each pair's first moves.

"Okie dokie... that's a new one..." Luigi mumbled anxiously.

"New?" Hail repeated, his eyes fixated on the hazardous halls. "I'd assumed you were used to this kind of stuff."

"Bowser usually isn't this-a thorough."

* * *

><p>Blah stepped out of his half-built stone brick house, made from materials he had stashed in the back of his backpack, and gazed at the meteor that was nearing the earth. It would touch down very shortly, and shortly after that, he would arrive and mine it out.<p>

He was cruising through previously unexplored territory, so he'd get a bit of exploration done in the meantime. Hooray for unintentional multitasking!

Blah looked down at the land below the island, noting that they were over a desert. There was a mountain range up ahead that he had previously overlooked, and the mountains extended higher than the island was hovering.

"Can we fly over the mountains?" Blah asked a nearby echidna.

"We cannot change elevation," the echidna replied. "We will plot a course around them."

Blah frowned. That would take forever...

"No. Keep going straight ahead." Blah's tone was quite serious.

"But..."

"Don't question me, I am your leader!" Blah fetched his Breaker and headed for the front of the island.

"Is he seriously planning to..." one echidna started to whisper to another.

Blah stood at the very edge, waiting for the mountain to approach. The pilot tentatively careened forward, slowing down a little bit, to which Blah held up his hand and said simply "Just trust me."

The mountain approached swiftly. He held out his hammer, tightening his grip as well as his closed eyes. The red aura flowed through him once more. "Fist of the Milky Way..." He waited until the mountain was just out his his reach. The echidnas were exchanging nervous glances.

Blah raised his hammer, which began to glow a deep, dark red. "Terraform!" he shouted, bringing it down on the mountain the moment it was in range. There was a deafening crack, and the mountain had split in two, crumbling away before everyone's very eyes. The resulting tremor in the mainland chipped away at some of the other mountains as well.

The island pushed the debris aside and moved on, past the desert and the above the lower mountains. Blah was forced on his behind from the rebound.

There was a lot of tense, awe-struck murmuring from the crowd, but perhaps the most impressed soul on the island was Blah himself. He looked down at his hammer, then at his own two hands, catching a glimpse of the aura as it faded away. He felt suddenly very winded and disoriented, his short-term memory playing tricks on him - was that really him? Was he that strong already?

Or did the meteor colliding with the ground at the exact moment that he crashed the mountain have anything to do with it?

Blah scratched his head. Yet another coincidence for the skepticism pile...

* * *

><p>AD: See? You're alive. You're capable of accomplishing great things after all.<br>HD: but how though  
>HD: im still in my house<br>HD: did the meteor just disappear or something  
>HD: i dont think space rocks can just vanish<br>AD: Have you tried looking out your window?  
>AD: ...Reed?<br>AD: Oh dear. You seem to have fainted.  
>AD: Well then, I suppose you won't mind if I poke around your room a bit<br>AD: um  
>AD: what is that<br>AD: reed please wake up there are demons in your house.  
>AD: and they are stealing your chairs.<p>

* * *

><p>"...did you hear that?" Astra perked up from the backseat.<p>

"Uh, not at all," replied Sonic sarcastically. "It's not like the meteor that we were watching just crashed into the ground."

"It sounded like more than a meteor..." Astra continued.

Tails glanced back at her. "I'm... not really sure I know what you're-"

"Aha! Check it out!" Sonic pointed out a certain floating island visible in the distance over the mainland. "Looks like he's heading for the crash site... How much do you wanna bet that Blah is responsible for the meteor somehow?"

"He might be strong," Tails admitted, "but I doubt he can summon meteors from space. I can't think of any logical way within our technology that could do that."

"Oh... I could think of a few ways..." Astra said, thoughtfully gazing into the sky.

"...whatever," Sonic dismissed. "All I know is, the sooner we catch up to him, the better. Full speed ahead, buddy!"

"You got it, Sonic!" Tails maximized the throttle and the Tornado zoomed forward at nearly double its cruising speed. Sonic even had to crouch down at that rate.

* * *

><p>There was a distant humming. Blah looked to the sky behind the island, and squinted to see the tiny reddish dot that rapidly approached. "Oh jeez, is that who I think it is...?"<p>

He was not looking forward to talking to Sonic anytime soon. His best guess was that the gang had come for their island back, even though he needed it for ways that they couldn't really understand - heck, not even Blah fully understood it, but if it was his decision, he was going to stick to it. He stood up, strapped his Breaker to his back, and headed for the opposite end of the island. Many of the echidnas followed suit, unsure if they wanted to defend their new commander in the case of an attack, or rebel...

The plane landed, a safe distance from Blah, and he kept a calm hand on his hammer as he waited for the dismount. The first one off the plane was a face that he was quite familiar with, and not at all wary of.

Astra glanced across the field at Blah with a look of concern, of sadness. Blah was incapable of speech as Tails and Sonic set foot on Angel Island.

"I think you know why we've come..." Astra said simply. She saw Blah's hand, frozen on his weapon, and she placed a cautious hand on hers as well.

Upon hearing her voice for the first time, Blah blinked. He withdrew his hand, sensing no hostility in her voice whatsoever - it was as if she was calling for help. As if he was a close friend, maybe even relative, with a shoulder to lean on. And, even though he had not yet spoken a word to her, he felt the same way. It was somewhat comforting, and yet chilling at the same time.

"Well..." Blah replied, his voice shaken. "I had to do it... nobody takes me seriously... they wouldn't help, they wouldn't understand..."

Astra walked up to the now completely submissive Blahsadfeguie and put her hand on his shoulder. "It's ok. The truth is often difficult to comprehend, let alone swallow." She gazed into his mirror-like eyes. "But as long as you firmly believe it yourself, you have every right to be taken seriously. Do you believe, honestly, that what you have done... are doing... is necessary?"

Blah looked down. "I don't know anymore. I can't even take myself seriously."

"Then perhaps it is not the truth?" Astra questioned. "Maybe there's another way?"

Blah's eyes shifted. There was no way of knowing what the truth even was. All he had was what he had been told, and in a world where questions outnumber answers, he had to stick with something lest he go insane. The voice provided guidance, something he could stick to. He had to follow its advice, even if it meant going against everyone else's wishes... right?

He thought back to the voice's commands. Challenging Knuckles to a high-stakes fist-fight solely to prove that he wasn't worthless... what. He defeated the Eater of Worlds, and was already a hero in the eyes of many! Not to mention the many friendships he had made in the course of his stay in this world.

As much as the idea pained him, maybe he did have a lapse in judgment - and the voice was not entirely to blame.

Blah sighed, picking a large rock to sit down on. "Yeah, I goofed," he admitted. "Everyone makes mistakes, and I am by no means an exception. What's the point of trying to repair lives if you're just going to destroy them in the process? Tell Knuckles he can have his island, as well as his people, back. Right where I got it from, if he wants. Tell him that the Master Emerald will remain intact as long as I have any say in it. And finally, tell him that if he wants me off of his island, I will gladly leave quietly. Just let it be known that I tried my best to rescue a world from chaos."

Astra smiled, as did Sonic, Tails, and the entire echidna tribe. Blah felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Look..." Sonic approached him. "If it means that much to you... we'll help you out in any way we can. You've given me all the proof I need to trust you." He looked over at Tails, who nodded understandingly.

"So, how are we going to do this?" Blah asked. "We can't all ride back on that plane, can we? And should I bring the island back, or...?"

"No need to move just yet, I can call him with this," said Astra, pulling out a smart-phone-like device. She pressed a few buttons, and a soft ping came from it. "Huh... I've got an urgent message from a friend."

"Go ahead, this can wait a few minutes," Sonic allowed.

* * *

><p>- accommodatedDragon [AD] began pestering starfaringPioneer [SP] at 18:30 -<p>

AD: We have kind of a problem here.  
>AD: Me and Reed started playing this game and his entire house was teleported to a weird place<br>AD: just in time to avoid getting hit by a meteor  
>AD: But now he's currently unconscious while demons are looting his furniture<br>AD: they'll find him soon  
>AD: What do?<br>SP: I told you that this game was a bad idea...  
>AD: But it's a computer game, it's kind of hard to believe it could put someone in real danger<br>SP: And it's kind of hard to believe you're an actual dragon...  
>SP: but I do, despite having no actual evidence of this...<br>SP: sometimes you just have to trust your friends, you know?...  
>AD: Ok ok, I get it, but what's done is done<br>AD: How do I get a sleeping Reed up in time to deal with some freaky fox monsters out to kill him and smash his chairs  
>AD: pestering doesn't work as usual.<br>SP: What is it with you and chairs, anyway?...  
>AD: I just happen to like chairs, is all.<br>AD: Something about the shape.  
>AD: But that's not important.<br>AD: Help please?

* * *

><p>Astra was biting her lip; she really did not know how to answer her friend.<p>

"No way, is that really... is this... Pesterchum?" Blah exclaimed excitedly, looking over her shoulder. "And, are you talking about what I think you're talking about?"

"Hey!" She withdrew her phone, taken aback by Blah's light-heartedness. "This is a private conversation..."

"Too bad, I just so happen to know exactly what you guys are dealing with."

"...ok, fine. Just be thorough, she's not all that familiar with computer games." She handed the phone to Blah.

* * *

><p>SP: hello, testing?<br>AD: Testing what, this is serious  
>SP: kay, this is Astra's friend Blah<br>SP: she has no clue about this game but I've seen it before  
>AD: Blah? That's kind of a silly name.<br>SP: yeah yeah  
>SP: anyway certainly by now you know about the basic cursor commands right?<br>SP: like, select, deploy, revise, etc?  
>AD: Oh... right.<br>AD: I accidentally dropped his bed through the window the first time I tried it, so I didn't want to mess with that.  
>AD: Any more than I had to, I mean.<br>SP: lol  
>SP: that happens a lot, don't worry<br>SP: anyway a server can usually kill imps by dropping something on them  
>SP: or removing the floor underneath them maybe<br>AD: I'd rather not screw around with his house any more than I already have.  
>SP: then you'll have a hard time playing SBURB<br>SP: but whatever, if you really don't want to do that  
>SP: just pick up something with select and try poking this Reed fellow with it<br>AD: He's kind of a heavy sleeper.  
>SP: make some noise, then<br>SP: use something big  
>SP: set the house on fire<br>SP: but don't actually do that  
>AD: Um, he has a grand piano in the living room...<br>SP: that will do nicely  
>AD: You want me to hit him with his piano?<br>AD: Seriously?  
>SP: nah, just dropping it might work<br>SP: it's a piano, it makes noise  
>AD: If you say so.<br>AD: Oh dear.  
>AD: Well, at least he's awake now.<br>AD: On the other hand, there's a massive hole in the floor where his piano used to be.  
>SP: you are welcome.<br>SP: :L

* * *

><p>Blah tossed the phone back to Astra triumphantly.<p>

"Remind me never to take advice from you in the future," Astra commented.

"Oh yeah, speaking of advice," Blah said, "You'll probably end up having to play the game yourself in the future. As well as any other friends you might have on your chumroll. I might even become a part of it too." Blah giggled at the thought. Sure, it was a dangerous game, but it was a FUN game.

"How do you know so much about this game anyway?" Astra asked skeptically. "Have you played it before?"

"Not exactly." Blah looked back at her with a wide grin. "Let me tell you about Homestuck."

* * *

><p><strong>Fun fact: I had no idea what to name this chapter.<strong>

**Fun fact 2: I also have no idea what else to say about it.**

**Fun fact 3: Thanks for reading!  
><strong>


	23. The Storm Approaches

CHAPTER 23: The Storm Approaches

Hailstorm stopped to rest on the only platform that was remotely safe - which, ironically, was on top of one of the flame turrets.

Luigi remained on his back, passed out from the action. It had been a long 5 minutes.

The duo started out like any pegasus-mounted plumber would; by flying over everything. However, the rate at which projectiles were launched, not to mention the narrow ever-changing passages as well as the massive stone Thwomps that liked to hide just around the corner for an ambush, made it extremely difficult to stay airborne. The two had to go their separate ways just to become smaller targets.

Luigi was definitely opposed to the idea at first, but all of his years of jumping and keeping up with Mario returned to him in an instant, and he was jumping from place to place almost as proficiently as Hailstorm was.

And then there were the Magikoopas. Those unpredictable shelless creeps who liked to teleport just out of reach, fire a shot, and poof again before either of them knew what was going on.

Luigi managed to dodge all of their shots, but Hailstorm was struck from his flank, crippling his wing. He nearly plunged into the lava, but Luigi managed to seize him by the tail just in time, hoist him onto the platform, and proceed to take out every last one of the evil magicians with a flurry of desperate fireballs.

Mr. Green Stache yelled like a barbarian as green fire clashed with red fire. The highly flammable Magikoopas were so startled, most of them dove off of their platforms and incinerated themselves in the lava. The others fled, likely to call for aid from the big guns.

Finally, all of the immediate threats had been taken care of. Hail carried the exhausted Luigi to safety, nursing his wing. They needed rest badly, but another, tougher wave could arrive at any moment.

_'I have to stay on my guard...' _thought Hail, trying to find a position that didn't cause him pain.

Applejack and Seraphina had a much different experience dealing with the Magikoopas. Sera was quicker on the blinking draw than the Koopas, being an Abra, but the sheer quantity of the spells that they fired was a tricky feat to handle on its own.

None of Sera's attacks could hit; being magicians, countering non-physical attacks was their forte. When they weren't teleporting out of the way, they were meeting the blasts head on with their own magic, canceling each other out. And none of them stayed in the same place long enough for Sera to get a Psychic lock on them.

Thus, Applejack's plan. Sera would use her superior blinking to get the both of them up close and personal, allowing the country filly to give them a solid buck, straight into the lava.

This maneuver continued on like clockwork, the two femme fatales systematically taking out the whole lot of the Koopa assault. They were too fast for even the other hazards of the room.

"Yee-haw! That's some mighty fine teamwork," complimented Applejack.

_'You certainly know your way around a kick,' _Sera returned the favor.

Something shiny caught the corner of the pony's eye. "Well... lookee here." It was a Magikoopa's wand, knocked clean out of the sucker's hands before taking his final dip in his master's hot tub. "Now, I don't know nothin' about any of that fancy magic, but I reckon this could come in handy..."

Just as Applejack retrieved the wand with her teeth, Sera blinked them both out of the way of a fire turret that had just slid into place.

"Oh... heh, thanks for that," AJ chuckled, staring at the turret. "...Hold on a sec. Hailstorm?"

Indeed, it was the very turret upon which the pegasus pony sought refuge. "Oh, hey Applejack. Fancy meeting you here. Ow."

"Y'all all right? I made sure to bring some of my Sparklin' Red Cider, if'n you need a tune-up." She produced a bottle of the healing apple drink and tossed it at Hail.

"Thanks," said Hail, catching it in his mouth and gulping it down. His wing straightened on its own and he was feeling better in no time.

"Ain't nothin', sugarcube."

There was a mutual silence. The three conscious heroes looked around awkwardly.

"Um..." Hail muttered. "Where do we go from here?"

"Beats me," Applejack responded. "I ain't seen no other way to go."

_"It may be hidden," _Sera informed them. _"If any more minions show up, note the direction they come from."_

"I think you mean WHEN they show up," warned Hail, indicating the arrival of several helmeted Koopas wielding hammers and boomerangs. "I guess hammers are in this season..." They leaped across platforms with ease, gunning for the intruders. They seemed to come from the area that Applejack and Seraphina were previously in.

No sooner than they had shown themselves than a hammer flew right past Luigi's head, the breeze knocking his hat off. The disturbance caused him to awaken immediately, and he instinctively snatched his hat in midair before even opening his eyes. Re-donning his hat, the first thing Luigi saw was the next wave of baddies coming straight for them. "Wah! Hammer bros!"

Applejack counter-charged while Hailstorm carefully pondered his first attack plan (either that or he was just frozen again). While Applejack closed the gap, Seraphina knocked the projectile hammers and boomerangs off-course with her Psychic, but every time they got within melee range, the Hammer Bros swiftly jumped onto the platform behind them and continued firing.

One of the hammers slipped past Sera's defenses and beaned her in the head, causing her to lose focus. Applejack was unprotected, and a boomerang socked her squarely in the snout. She was stunned, but her momentum kept her heading straight for the edge of the platform.

Hail waited not a moment longer. He rushed forward, dodging the rain of hammers like only a pegasus could, and dragged Applejack by the tail to stop her. Sera regained herself and blinked the pair onto the opposite side of the Hammer Bro squadron.

Confused, the Hammer Bros continued firing at Luigi and Hailstorm, who were untouchable. As they closed in, Sera shot a Shadow Ball from behind, taking out a few to the side as Applejack bounced off of the turtles' helmets, sending their hapless wearers lava-ward. The remaining bros, distracted by the surprise rear attack, were cleaned up by the tag-team of Luigi and Hail.

The latest threat neutralized, Hail laid down on the floor, catching his breath. Luigi, on the other hand, was not ready to rest just yet. "Over there!" he cried, pointing to an opening in the wall which was slowly closing.

Sera reacted quickly, teleporting herself and Applejack inside the passage. Hailstorm scrambled to his hooves again and made a break for it, and Luigi had to limbo so that the two of them would fit. They made it just in time.

The passage was wide, and could probably fit a group of five side-by-side. This was most likely where Bowser's minions were coming from, and there was a good chance it would lead directly to him.

Hail and Applejack exchanged glances and nodded, wasting no time in sprinting down the hall.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight," said Astra, sitting among a large crowd that had gathered around Blah including Sonic and Tails. "By starting this... SBURB... we've more or less doomed every sentient race on this planet to extinction?"<p>

"Yep."

"But we get to create a whole new universe in the process?"

"Indeed. Well, barring any unusual circumstances, of course."

"And everything that happens leading up to and including the outcome has already been decided by fate?"

"Exactly."

"What about the Jewels of Universe?" chimed in Tails. "You said that destroying those would fix the universe anyway... and presumably killing nobody in the process?"

"You know, I have no idea," Blah said with a shrug. "Maybe SBURB will find a weird way to mix in with the other mechanics of this universe and become only a part of the original quest... It has a tendency to adapt to the situation. Maybe nobody's going extinct, for example. Maybe we're creating 8 separate universes, then discarding this one."

"Well, you know a LOT more about this stuff than we do," Sonic surrendered. "But who all is playing? We can't ALL get into the game, can we...?"

"I've seen as many as 12 in one canon session," Blah explained. "But I can't see why there couldn't be more... unless fate won't allow it..." Blah looked over at Astra again. "How many people are on your chumroll, anyway?"

"Three, not counting myself," she answered.

"So there will be at least 5 players with me involved," Blah concluded. "And I have a hunch that Seraphina, and possibly Hailstorm, will end up playing as well... so that's 7. Kind of a weird number for SBURB... my guess is that there will be an eighth player that all of us have yet to meet."

"We've arrived at the crash site!" declared a voice before any other questions could be asked.

"All right!" Blah cried, standing up. "Let's check it out. This meteor might hold clues as to what this particular session entails."

Sonic, Tails, Astra, and Blah all crowded into (or onto) the Tornado for a quick trip to the surface. It was somewhat uncomfortable, but it took no more than a couple of minutes.

Upon landing, the gang was met with a horrid sight. There used to be a small, quaint town here, but almost every structure was damaged, punched through by the debris. There wasn't a soul around, all of them presumably evacuated before the meteor struck... well, except for the floating molten rock creatures swarming the remains of the meteor and personally seeing to the leveling of what remained of the town.

"Meteor Heads..." Blah identified, disdainfully. Whether the meteor appeared because of SBURB or because of the smashing of the Shadow Orb, Blah couldn't really be certain, as there were signs of both. Landing in a gap between two houses in a block large enough to fit another house, and yet no signs of said house being there, as well as the Meteor Heads characteristic of Terrarian meteors.

"All right, you guys take care of the Meteor Heads," Blah instructed, equipping his Nitemare Pickaxe, "I'll mine out the meteor and look for anything else that may be useful."

Astra took out her crescent scythe without hesitation. Sonic, a bit uncomfortable taking orders, curled up into a ball regardless and spun rapidly in place. Tails hopped back into his plane and activated the turrets. The hot-faced space rocks changed their priorities as they noticed new blood enter the environment, and they drew slowly nearer all at once.

The war was on. Sonic plowed into one Head from the ground, chipping it and ricocheting into another. Tails gunned them down left and right, each one taking a few hits. Astra slashed through several, but they were steadfast and hard to penetrate on the first swing. Regardless, they were easy to keep at bay as long as the defenders kept landing hits.

Meanwhile, Blah carefully picked away at the meteor, scooping each sizable chunk in his backpack. The rock was still hot, so touching it firsthand was out of the question. Thankfully, his pickaxe was able to keep him at a safe distance.

It was a cakewalk, but the Meteor Heads just kept on coming. At this rate, the heroes would tire before Blah even mined out half of the meteor.

"Jeez, how many of these guys can one comet carry?" Sonic asked before homing in on another cluster.

"Too many," Blah answered, stopping to take a break from swinging that pickaxe. Terraria characters must have an infinite reserve of stamina to be able to swing for minutes on end...

The gunfire from the Tornado turned into a rapid series of clicks. "Uh oh," Tails cried. "I'm out of ammo..."

"Try this on for size," Blah said as he pulled out his demonite crossbow and quiver, tossing them up to Tails. The fox caught the items hesitantly, eventually lifting out of his airplane with his tails a-spinning and getting to work.

There was a persistent pinging from Astra's pockets. She finished dispatching the nearest Meteor Head and quickly checked her phone.

* * *

><p>- demigodHunter [DH] began trolling starfaringPioneer [SP] at 19:18 -<p>

DH: =YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, HUMAN.=  
>DH: =MY KIND WILL RISE ABOVE ALL AND CLAIM OUR RIGHTFUL POSITION AS THE DOMINANT SPECIES OF ALL UNIVERSES.=<br>DH: =SURRENDER OR DIE A MISERABLE, AGONIZING DEATH IN THE NAME OF THE INEXORABLE ONE!=

- demigodHunter [DH] ceased trolling starfaringPioneer [SP] at 19:18 -

* * *

><p>The unknown pesterer disappeared into the aether of the internet before Astra even had a chance to respond. She put her phone away, considering passing it off as some bored yokel looking for a cheap laugh... until she heard the roaring.<p>

Everyone stopped in their tracks. They heard it too; it was the combined roar of many beings, almost like a war cry.

The setting sun was blotted out by many large winged figures rapidly approaching the ruined village. They were much bigger than any bird, pegasus pony, or any other flying creature they had previously encountered... except one.

The silhouette was unfamiliar to most of the heroes. Blah, on the other hand, had a pretty good guess as to what was attacking them.

"Dragons ahoy!" Blah shouted, stuffing the remainder of his ore into his pack and making a break for the Tornado.

There was no time to ask questions. Tails headed back for the plane without a second thought, as did Astra a few seconds later. Sonic finished off the last of a particular wave of Meteor Heads before taking up the rear. Tails started up the engines, and lifted off just as Sonic hopped onto the wing.

By the time the foursome returned to Angel Island, the army of dragons were halfway to the city. About two thirds of them split from the main group to pursue the island. Blah estimated that at the rate that they moved, the invaders would be able to catch up in a few minutes' time. Blah decided to take advantage of that time by prepping the island's defense force.

"Ok, so," Blah started, somewhat panicked, as soon as he had the echidnas' attention, "there's a huge dragon army out to kill us all for some as of yet unknown reason. Stay together, brace yourselves, stall them if you can't defeat them, and above all, protect the Master Emerald!" The echidnas nodded and promptly gathered their arms, standing ready all around the island. Sonic stretched his legs, and Tails reloaded his borrowed crossbow.

Blah turned to Astra. "Now would be a good time to contact Knuckles, and any other reinforcements..."

She took out her phone again and quickly dialed up a number. Blah would have stuck around to listen to her half of the conversation, but then he remembered he had a few errands of his own. He dashed off to his half-built castle and approached the furnace with his Meteorite ores.

A quick smelt later, and Blah only counted 16 meteorite bars... which wasn't nearly enough for anything useful. He slammed his fist on the anvil as the roars picked up again. The fighting was imminent, and Blah would still have to resort to using his slow Breaker...

Unless... He checked his backpack and uncovered his Quartz Lance for the first time in a while_. 'I have enough smithing experience,' _he thought, _'time to put my improvisation skills to good use.'_

He applied the bars to the lance, remembering another recipe that costed slightly different materials... Quartz is a kind of gem, after all, and he had the added bonus of not having to shape the bars from scratch. When he finished, he had a slimmer, longer purplish lance with a bright cyan glow reminiscent of an iconic sci-fi weapon.

He jabbed the air with his new Phaselance a few times to get the feel of it. _'Now we're talking!'_ Blah celebrated in his head, picturing a scaly beast on the end of his weapon. It was lighter than its solid quartz counterpart, had a longer reach, and due to the otherworldly energy from the meteorite, the perpetually hot laser tip would have a much easier time penetrating things.

Double-checking his armor and retrieving his shield, Blah rushed back outside just in time to see the advancing army. He noticed the dragons in question were a bit smaller than the average adult dragon; they were only about 9 feet tall, but that was still pretty big for army fodder. They were also numerous.

"Uh," Tails wavered, "It looks like these dragons outnumber us by at least 3 to 1..."

"Never tell me the odds," Blah quoted, standing his ground as the first of the soldiers touched down. "Or... the numbers. You get the idea."

* * *

><p><strong>It just occurred to me that I haven't really explained exactly how one pilots Angel Island. To be honest, I have no clue. Just pretend the pilot is just kinda spinning the Master Emerald like a steering wheel.<br>**


	24. Back in the Game

**So here's the real chapter 24. I might put the April Fool's version somewhere out of the way if I get enough (aka more than 1) requests for it. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 24: Back in the Game<p>

Twilight Sparkle sat in the corner of the dank, musty prison cell, her limbs tightly hugging her body as it quivered from anxiousness. There was no way of telling what they were going to do to her, or to the innocent human girl in the other cell who looked just as helpless and frightened.

She had already considered using magic to weasel her way out and rescue the pink-garbed princess as well, but that was out of the question. An old hag of a reptilian witch had placed some kind of magical field around the cell, preventing her from using magic of any sort.

She couldn't even talk to the Princess, as every time either captive made a sound, they were promptly and harshly quieted by the guards.

At the very least, Twilight wished she could contact Blah and tell him about her plight, but with that barrier in place, her horn was nothing more than a stub of bone protruding from her head.

And yet, she couldn't abandon that last sliver of hope. Somehow, the unicorn knew - just knew - that _someone_ was coming to her aid that very moment. It may have been Blah, it may have been her pony friends, or someone else entirely. It didn't really matter who at this point.

She felt the anguished gaze of the human princess from across the hall, and met it with her own, conveying that reassuring hope as best as she could with a solemn expression. The princess nodded ever so slightly, as if she was rather uncertain about it, but she understood nonetheless.

With each dull, passing hour, the tension grew for each prisoner. For a moment, it seemed as though nobody would come.

And then came a noise. Twilight and the princess perked up, expecting some daring rescue or at least the culmination of whatever that freakish tortoise had planned for them. Instead, what they heard was a familiar, unpleasant cackle.

"Eh heh heh heh! Oh, how the mighty have fallen!"

Into the hall strode a gleeful elderly Magikoopa, practically marching in her next victim using her wand as a baton. It was a short, stout man clothed in red and sporting a thick mustache whom Twilight could not identify, but the sight of him brought distraught tears to the Princess's eyes.

"Mario!" she couldn't help but cry out in despair, to which a guard reacted by pointing his weapon at her.

Twilight examined him with a wince. Mario had clearly seen better days. His clothes were torn, and the visible areas of his skin were covered in severe bruises. There was a particularly painful-looking and partially cauterized puncture wound in his stomach, and his overalls around the wound were singed. His hands were bound behind his back as he was being led by two Koopa guards to an empty cell.

"Tell me, Mario," the witch coldly continued, "how does it feel to be on the losing side for once? Excruciating, isn't it? Eh heh heh heh!"

Mario's head was fixed downward in defeated silence as the Magikoopa pointed her wand at the door of the cell, causing it to swing open. Jabbing at Mario's back with a spear, the guards forced him at the cell.

While Mario's cell door was open, Twilight felt slightly empowered again - the barrier weakened by a small amount as the Magikoopa exerted her magic on a different object. She knew she only had a small window to act, and that she probably couldn't get away with much... so she did the only thing she knew would ultimately help.

With a slight glow of the horn, Twilight casted a relatively simple and discreet spell, managing to elude the perception of the guards, and just in time - as the cell door closed, the barrier strengthened, and just like that, Twilight was powerless again.

Mario took one look at Peach and frowned, the slightest amount of moisture forming in his eyes as well. It pained Twilight to see the two of them like that, but if anything, it only made her hopes and determination stronger. They were getting out of this one way or another.

* * *

><p>The first dragon to reach the island made a break for Blah. It was also the first mistake. In less than 5 seconds, Blah had impaled the dragon straight through the heart with his Phaselance. He stepped aside to let the body fall forward and turned towards the next nearest threat.<p>

Tails aimed his crossbow at the incoming dragons, picking off as many as he could before they could make it to their destination. His finger slipped on occasion, missing a bolt or fumbling with a reload due to his nervousness.

Sonic took to the air and aimed his homing attacks at the foes. A solid bash to the head was enough to knock some of them unconscious in midair, causing them to have a great fall, but after a while the others caught on and started swiping back. Right before meeting a claw, Sonic unfurled himself and landed on its owner's back. "Too slow!" he boasted, leaping off and launching himself at another.

Astra took a more guerrilla approach, hiding in the trees and ambushing new arrivals from behind. She was almost inhumanly fast with her pole-scythe. Whenever she had the opportunity, she would cripple her target by snatching them by the throat, pulling a small switch on the handle and causing the blade to extend to a full, tight circle around the neck.

The weapon was designed for swift, clean decapitation, but this was somewhat difficult against the dragons' tough exterior. So, when that didn't work, she did the next best thing - swinging the body of the ensnared soldier at his bewildered comrade directly behind him in rank. This act often killed the former regardless.

The echidnas were no strangers to full-on frontal assault, and they took the brunt of the invasive force as they hurled spears at the airborne and used their opponents' bulk against them in close combat. Their morale was fairly high despite lacking their original leader Knuckles, but they were fighting dragons after all. The battle bore casualties from both sides.

Blah, missing his mount already, had to make due with what little momentum he could gain on foot to use his lance effectively, and the power of the meteorite was barely enough to make up for that. He ran through a good dozen, noting with curiosity that these dragons preferred standing on two legs rather than the usual four. Before he could think any more about it, however, he was blindsided by a particularly brutish red-scaled brawler. Blah's shield stopped the damage from the blow, but the force was enough to knock him off-balance.

He rolled out of the way of the dragon's stomp and onto his feet, twisting around with the lance. To his surprise, the dragon leaped over the swing and swiped down at his head. Thankfully, his left arm was in the perfect position to block that attack, but it sent him on his back again. At that point, two other dragons had flown over to aid their red ally and were surrounding him as he laid in the grass. Blah was really in a bind.

Thinking fast, he focused his mind. "Fist of the Milky Way, Axial Recovery!" He hopped over, balancing on his hands as he spin-kicked outward with both of his legs, knocking all three dragons away and flipping back onto his feet in a maneuver he totally didn't rip off of Lost Saga. He then lunged at one of the downed enemies with his lance through the neck, finishing him off as the other two stood up. Blah pointed his lance at one and his shield at the other...

Suddenly, his head took on a curious sensation. It was akin to a headache, only more disorienting than painful. With it, however, came an image. A faint, mental image of the interior of a prison cell looking out across a hall at two other cells. It was somewhat blurred, but Blah could barely make out the shapes of several figures.

The picture made Blah hesitate and miss his chance to move first; this really was not the best time. The dragon on his right side lifted into the air, out of his reach, while the one on his left made a grab for his shield. Blah bashed at the closer one with his shield, causing him to flinch, while keeping his lance pointed at the one above him. The latter swooped down while the former snatched at the shield again with greater force. Blah had to sacrifice his shield in order to keep his concentration on the more immediate hazard; he lanced the flier through the ribs, just missing his vital organs, but it was enough to send him at the ground.

The uninjured dragon took Blah's shield and _threw _it at him, causing him to react by deflecting it with his last held possession, the Phaselance. Unfortunately, this bought the shield chucker enough time to make a passing slash at Blah's exposed lower body. Blah flinched badly, giving the dragon a free elbow to his head, causing him to reel and drop his lance. The domino effect resulted in the dragon clutching Blah by the neck and holding him high, preparing to strangle him into submission.

Blah's wide, desperate eyes were forced to gaze upon the carnage that was the war. No reinforcements had yet arrived, and the defenders were getting their heads handed to them... literally in some cases. Sonic was beginning to get overwhelmed, they were closing in on Tails, and Astra couldn't fool all of them with the same tricks. He tried in vain to release the muscular dragon's grip on his throat, but the beast was just too strong for him. It seemed as though the island would be under new management yet again by the time any help came.

Just as he started to feel faint, there was a red flash that dislocated the strangler's jaw and loosened his grip. Blah fell to his knees, inhaling gratefully as he looked upon the face of his savior... and it was none other than Knuckles, right on schedule.

"Now you owe me two," Knuckles asserted sternly to Blah before giving the dragon another grounding sucker punch.

"And me three!" announced a voice from behind him. Blah turned around to see Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler sitting on top of a small yellow-orangeish cloud. "Thanks, Nimrod!" Bo-bobo said to the cloud as the trio of Hajikelists hopped off.

"Ok, my brethren! Be free and kick some scaly booty!" Don Patch kicked the Flying Nimrod, and a small door opened on the side. Soon, hundreds of Don's miniature likenesses, the KoPatch, piled out of it like a clown car, armed with various vegetables. Blah cried tears of joy.

The KoPatch immediately began darting around and between members of the dragon army, landing many quick and precise blows with their oddly potent plants.

Bo-bobo leaped into the air after the group that endangered Sonic and whipped out his nose hairs. "Super Fist of the Nose Hair, Lemming Kamikaze!" He latched onto each dragon with his biological whips and hurled them at the earth below at speeds somehow exceeding terminal velocity, each one accompanied by an appropriate whip-cracking noise. The craters were visible even at that distance.

When he was finished, he grabbed Sonic and gave him a less-than-gentle toss back at the island, causing him to skid unhappily in the dirt. "Oh wait, you're a hedgehog, not a lemming. Whoops!" Sonic sighed, at least grateful for the help.

"Allow me," said Jelly Jiggler, forcefully wiggling into a flabbergasted Tails' hands and replacing his crossbow, taking the form of a huge rocket launcher. "Super Fist of the Wobble Wobble, Jelly Jiggler Bazooka!" Tails, seeing no room to protest in his situation, pulled the trigger, which launched a gelatinous missile at the oncoming dragons.

The missile grinned evilly as it neared the flock. "This jelly is the bom-AAAAH!" screamed Jiggler as the lead dragon sliced him to pieces. Dessert rained upon the battlefield.

In a panic, Tails began clubbing dragons with the empty bazooka. To his astonishment, the weapon was as forceful as a battering ram while weighing no more than a pillow! The onslaught was brought to a screeching halt as its members were knocked out-cold one by one.

Unbeknownst to Astra, a dragon had discovered her hiding place and was planning on turning the tables and ambushing her from behind... but unbeknownst to this dragon, Don Patch had already ambushed _him._

"Grant me three wishes, Shenron!" Don Patch playfully requested from the dragon's back. His loud voice alerted Astra to the dragon's position.

"The only wish I'll be granting YOU is a swift death to relieve you of your idiocy!" the dragon replied, trying to shake the pop rock, who continuously crawled just out of his reach.

"They can talk...?" Astra commented, watching the chaos unfold.

"They could stand to talk less, that's for sure!" answered Don impatiently. "Just get to the wish-granting already!"

"Sit still, and mayb-ACK!" The dragon failed to watch where he was going and crashed into a tree.

"Awww... guess I'll have to find the dragon marbles again!" Don hopped off of the unconscious dragon with a shrug.

The tide of the battle had turned very quickly - with the aid of the Hajikelists and the KoPatch, the draconic soldiers were dropping like flies. Blah found himself unoccupied, and he took the opportunity to guzzle a healing potion for his previous wounds. He had 7 left, 6 of which he handed to one of the KoPatches. "Go heal up some of our wounded," Blah instructed.

Once the temporary medic went off to scout for injured allies, Blah made his way towards Astra. "So how did you manage to get Bo-bobo and the others out here?" he asked with curious awe.

"I know a guy," the templar explained simply.

"Hey buddy! Nice stabby stick," Don complimented, poking at Blah's Phaselance. "Does it come in Fun-size?"

"It is Fun-sized! The bigger the better!" Blah replied, stabbing through a tree like a switchblade through butter. "But that's not important! Astra. I got a vision earlier. It looked urgent."

"Can it wait until after we've driven off the dragons...?" asked Astra.

Blah looked behind him at a couple of KoPatch playing jump rope with one of the enemy. "I think they've got this covered."

"Oh man, that looks fun! I call nextsies!" Don rushed off to join his underlings.

Astra leaned against a tree, folding her arms. "All right. What did you see?"

"It's of some kind of prison," he recalled, thinking as best as he could to that stressful moment. He closed his eyes, and tried to re-imagine the scene. "It's a view from inside a cell... and there are two other cells occupied... one by a short round man, the other by an elegantly-dressed woman."

"Someone was captured?" Astra guessed. "...have you had any prophetic visions before?"

"Not really," Blah answered, "unless my dreams count in a bizarre metaphorical sense. So someone probably tried to contact me... with, like, a print-screen of their vision or something..." Blah and Astra nodded in unison, making their resemblance more obvious than ever.

"And you're not native to any of these dimensions, correct? So it had to be somebody you've met before."

"Unless it was a random distress signal, but yeah, I doubt that." Blah nodded again. "Connections vastly outnumber coincidences in this world. But who do I know that can send mental images over long distances..."

He immediately thought of Seraphina, but she could just teleport out of danger... except for that one time she was trapped in that pink bubble... but that blocked all telepathic communication, so if Sera were in any danger, Blah probably wouldn't hear about it from her... that just left one other option.

"Twilight Sparkle?" Blah concluded aloud.

"Who?" Astra prompted.

"A unicorn pony that can do magic," Blah informed. "She must've been kidnapped by... uh..." He thought back to the image. That could've been any dungeon, and the fact that he couldn't quite discern any of the figures did not help in the slightest.

"A unicorn," Astra repeated skeptically.

"Well, yeah... they exist... didn't you see that pegasus pony that was with us in Metropolis?"

"I didn't get a good look at the back seats. Plus, I was kinda running for my life."

"Ugh, whatever... well anyway, I should really get to Ponyville ASAP so I can maybe find out what's going on. I have the feeling I'll need all the help I can get. Are you coming?"

Astra looked away. "Well... there's something I've been working on for a while that I need to get back to as well..."

"I could help you with that once we're done," Blah offered. "It's only fair, if you help me. You scratch my back, et cetera." From what he learned about her in Metropolis, Blah figured she would probably benefit from his aid. "In fact, you've already been a great help to me. I can't not return the favor now."

"Actually, it's kind of..." Astra paused, looking back up at Blah. The gaze she received was not unlike that of an older brother, warm and benevolent. It was almost an instinctive feeling for both of them, as if the two had known each other their whole lives. "...ok, I'll come. But it can only be the two of us... for reasons I can't really talk about here."

Blah nodded. "Whenever you're ready, Astra."

Wait a second! Blah froze for a moment. Did Astra ever actually introduce herself to him? If so, he couldn't remember it. How did he know her name? Somehow, he must've known it from the moment the two first exchanged words... the confusion began to make Blah feel light-headed, and for a sliver of a moment, Blah felt the world shrink into blackness around him, as if nothing was real - as if he was in a dream.

Blah shoved one foot in front of himself, noticing that he had briefly lost his sense of balance, causing him to fall slightly forward, and this snapped him back to reality.

"Are you ok?" asked Astra with concern.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine," Blah answered hastily. "Just had one of... those moments, you know? When you just feel faint for no reason?"

Astra shook her head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Blah sighed. "Well, not important. We have a pony to save. Again." He headed over to the cloud that Bo-bobo and co. arrived on, parked between two trees.

"Wait, 'again'?" Astra inquired, running to catch up with him.

"Oh yeah, basically Twilight was possessed by this dark spirit who corrupted the entire town of Ponyville and I killed him and stuff." Blah dragged the cloud out of its parking space. "I wonder if we can we use this?"

"Wait wait wait, hold on!" said Bo-bobo, sitting at a poker table with Tails, a couple of dragon soldiers, and a pig with a Gameboy. "I just bet the Nimrod in a Poker game, and..."

Blah peeked at Bo-bobo's hand. He had a 9-high and no better. His eyes widened. "Smart move," he said, as genuinely as he could muster.

The other players exchanged glances and all folded, one after another. Except for the pig, who was too busy playing Super Mario Land to notice what was going on. Turns out he had a 7-high anyway.

"Hehehe... looks like you all LOSE!" Bo-bobo pulled a lever, causing the floor to fall out from under everyone at the table but himself. The dragons and the pig fell into a pit of lava, while Tails simply hovered over it and landed elsewhere.

"I forgot how fun this game could be," commented Tails with a chuckle.

"Not so fast," Bo-bobo shouted with a sharp point in the fox's direction. "You avoided the lava, now you have to eat 15 cartons of Twinkies!"

"WHAT. That wasn't in the rules!" Tails flipped through a small pamphlet entitled "How 2 Pocker".

"What version are YOU playing, son?" Bo-bobo said, pulling out an entire bookshelf. Each book on the shelf was labeled "The Official Rules of Poker" and given an arbitrary volume number from 1 to 10000, most of them including the digits 89 together. The final book on the shelf was called "Just what is up with this 89 number anyway?"

"Oh hey, I've been looking for that one," Blah said, snatching the last book and shoving it into his backpack. He caught a mellow stare from Astra. "You don't seem to be very perturbed by our shenanigans," Blah noted.

"I'm used to it," she answered plainly. "Shall we get going? I thought this was urgent."

"Right, right, sorry," Blah said, hopping onto the Nimrod. Astra soon accompanied him and the cloud zipped off at a pleasant speed.

Blah looked behind him one last time and saw that the dragons were already retreating from the island. He smirked. Nothing to worry about but what lay ahead...


	25. Starting Up the Cogs

**Sorry for the abnormal delay. I've been a bit distracted lately, but I'm not about to abandon this project anytime soon. I can't really guarantee quality or consistency by this point; however, if you've read this far, those things aren't among your major concerns, are they? Eh, perhaps I think too much. Whatever the case, enjoy! :'L**

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><p>CHAPTER 25: Starting Up the Cogs<p>

Hailstorm, Applejack, Luigi and Seraphina moved through the castle hall, the entire squadron like a careening locomotive. It would take a super hero to stop their momentum. Every now and then, a small group of Koopa underlings would get trampled by their combined attacks and they would just keep moving forward. They knew exactly where they were going and would waste not a moment more.

The hallway was actually quite long, and there were a few passages branching off, but the main hall itself was a straight shot to the deepest part of the castle.

"Bowser's-a throne room should be at the end of this," Luigi stated. He was as mentally prepared as he could get, but the fact that he had not yet seen Mario worried him. Hopefully, he was already in the throne room, facing off against Bowser.

"So just how tough is Bowser anyway?" Hail asked. "On his own, I mean..." He dreaded the thought of having to meet Trank's soul-sucking stare again.

"Not so tough," Luigi said. "Mario can-a usually take him one-on-one easy. But now, I'm-a not so sure..."

"Shoot," commented Applejack, "If your brother's anythin' like you, I reckon he's doin' just fine."

Luigi looked over at Applejack, the sincerity in her voice helping him feel a lot more confident. He smiled. "Thanks... heh, he's-a probably giving that lizard the beating of his life-a right now."

Hail laughed. "I hope he saves some for-"

The pegasus's banter was interrupted by the hallway shaking madly out of nowhere. The foursome stopped.

_"A trap...?" _anticipated Sera.

Two walls slammed down on either side of them, walling them off from the rest of the hall, and with a mechanical hum, they could feel their section moving like an elevator. They were carted helplessly upwards, then forwards, until finally the whole thing tilted, causing everyone to fall onto one of the sealing doors.

"Are they seriously going to try and drop us again?" Hail sighed, hovering above the door. Sera braced herself for teleportation.

The top door opened first, revealing a spiked rocky surface that replaced the ceiling. The heroes only had a few moments before the ceiling started to drop rather quickly, and it didn't have very far to fall either.

As soon as he realized his error, Hail pressed down against the floor door, banging on it along with Applejack in a desperate attempt to get it open. Luigi flat-out panicked, crouching atop Hail with his face buried in his hat. The ceiling fell ever closer.

Sera was the only one even remotely calm enough to act reasonably. She considered teleporting, but communicating the idea to her allies would take too much time. Instead, she forced her will onto the door, slamming it open with her Psychic attack.

However, directly below the door was a pool of lava. The chamber had somehow positioned itself outside the castle and over the lava moat, with only a few feet of space in between. All four heroes began to fall towards it.

Hail's pegasus instincts kicked in, and his wings caught himself just before hitting the lava. Sera managed to teleport herself and Applejack a short distance, on top of Hail's back next to Luigi.

The extra weight nearly caught him off-guard, but the sight of the ceiling that was now less than a yard from his head motivated him to slip through the tiny space between the chamber and the lava. With a sizzling splash, the spiked ceiling collided with the bright boiling liquid just as Hailstorm increased his altitude.

Finally with a moment to themselves, Hailstorm found himself losing energy quickly having to carry three passengers, one of them his own size. He shot for the only open window in the castle, dumping everyone onto the floor and stopping to catch his breath. His heart pounded so heavily, the floor took on a slight quiver.

"Wheeew," sighed Applejack. "Won't this be a tale to tell."

"Too bad you won't live long enough to tell it!"

The rescue party had gone out of the frying pan and into the fire. They looked up to see the face that adorned the rest of the castle... in the flesh.

"You nubs have an uncanny way of falling right into our traps." From behind Bowser stepped - or rather, floated - a familiar yellow triangle. Its blue arms were crossed in front of its expressionless face, and its voice echoed from somewhere within, giving the eerie impression that the body was just a puppet of some greater demon... a possibility which was looking increasingly likely with each second that its soul-sucking stare bore into the minds of the heroes.

This stare did nothing to slow down Hailstorm's raving heartbeat. Applejack and Luigi looked upon it for the first time and saw a brief glimpse of their own death. Luigi scrambled away, pressing himself against a wall, but Applejack shook it off as best as she could and stood upright in battle position.

"You ain't scarin' me!" Applejack shouted, attempting to stare right back at Trank, but failing to keep eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time.

"I can see the fear in your eyes," Trank droned, causing the earth pony to flinch. "You've no better chance than the rest of them. Just look at your nublet of a Pokemon."

Sera was perfectly still. Not even the sort of stillness that they had come to expect from her, but a cold stillness, as if she were a corpse. The others could only guess what had happened to her telepathic mind.

"Bwahahaha!" laughed Bowser. "If Mario was a snap, these guys will be a piece of cake!"

"M... M... Mario...?" Luigi stuttered. Even his brother had failed... and there was no telling where he was, or even if he was still alive. Whatever the case, it was all up to him now. His fists clenched, quickly getting to his feet, glaring flaming daggers straight at Bowser... though at this rate, he may have been able to meet Trank himself eye-to-eye... "What... did you do... to Mario..."

"Let's just say he won't be a problem to us anymore," Bowser answered with a sinister grin, remaining confident.

Luigi lunged at Bowser with a scream that was somewhere between a war cry and a desperate bawl. The battle had officially begun.

* * *

><p>Blah was quite lucky to have the Flying Nimrod; it seemed a bit unsafe, being nothing more than a cloud, but it was fast and precise. Blah and Astra made it back to Ponyville in less than an hour.<p>

Astra looked at the town in wonder. There were indeed many colorful ponies here, some winged and some horned, and they all appeared to be no less intelligent than humans. She may have lived near a mixed community of humans and anthropomorphic animals, but this was completely new and strange to her.

Blah, on the other hand, was more concerned about what happened to the town itself. There had obviously been an attack on the town not too long ago, but since then, they were cleaning up quite nicely with the help of several miniature mushroom-headed men.

"Toads?" asked Blah. "Wow, now the Mushroom Kingdom is involved..." This was the first he had seen of the Mario universe in this world.

"Do you think it was Bowser that attacked this town?" Astra asked.

Blah was taken aback. "You know about Bowser?"

"Of course. Westside has been in contact with the Mushroom Kingdom for years now."

Blah stared at Astra, blinking. Years? Most of the places Blah had been to were only just becoming aware of the others...

"...you didn't know that?" Astra continued.

"Well, it's just, I thought..." Blah shook his head. "Nevermind! We need to find out if it was really Bowser or someone else..."

"Halt!" Blah's cloud was stopped in its tracks by a pair of regally-armored pegasus guards. Astra was quite impressed with their radiance and authority. "By order of Princess Celestia, no strangers are allowed entry into Ponyville until Twilight Sparkle is recovered."

_'Yep, sounds about right,' _thought Blah. "Good idea, but we're not strangers," he argued. "Haven't you heard of Blahsadfeguie, the one who saved Ponyville from the Corruption?"

"Hah," scoffed the royal guard, "Nice try, but that was just a rumor. And you don't exactly look like hero material anyway."

"'Rumor'?" repeated Blah. "It really happened, just ask any pony in Ponyville..."

"The Corruption never happened. It was just an elaborate prank played by Trixie, a local parlor magician."

Blah was dumbfounded. Was Princess Celestia really denying the chaos that ensued less than a week prior? _'Leave it up to the government...' _Blah lamented. "...Well, either way!" he played along. "I'm already a friend of the town, and of Twilight, and I demand to know who kidnapped her and where they're holding her!"

"We appreciate the concern," the guard continued, "but we have already dispatched a team of heroes to the location in which she is currently being held. You have nothing to worry about."

"And who would that be?" pressed Blah.

"That is none of your concern. We have everything under control here, and the town should be open to the public again tomorrow."

"It's the rest of the Mane Six, isn't it?" Blah guessed. "Wait, do they even call them that in the show...? Uh, the wielders of the Elements of Harmony?"

The other guard gave him a suspicious look. "How do you know about the Elements?"

"How do YOU know about the Elements?" Blah bounced back, his tone becoming discernibly tense due to impatience, and unsure on how to convince the guards to let him pass.

"We're royal guards, we're supposed to know this stuff," the guard answered, matching Blah's tone. "Now get out of my sight before we remove you by force."

"Someone else is coming," Astra cut in, pointing behind the guards. One guard kept his eyes on Blah and Astra while the other had a look - it was a gray-coated pegasus mare with a blond mane carrying a rather large package on her back. The guard sighed.

"Um, excuse me," she announced in an exasperated voice, "does anypony know where I can find a Mr..." She pulled out a small card and strained her uncoordinated eyes to focus on reading it. "Blah... Bla-shad... Blassad-fergie?"

"Blahsadfeguie?" corrected the oddly-named guy in bewilderment. "Yeah, that's me."

"Oh, finally! I knew it wasn't a pony." She flew around the annoyed guards nonchalantly and passed Blah the package. It was about 2 feet square, and rather slim, but somewhat heavy. As Blah examined the package, the mailmare eyed him up and down.

"Say, aren't you the outsider who saved Ponyville from the weird purple stuff?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. The guards exchanged nervous glances. Blah could tell that something was up.

"Why, yes, that was me," Blah said proudly, making sure that the guards could hear. "And I heard that something else is amiss in this innocent town?"

The guards attempted to interrupt, but they were themselves interrupted by the other pegasus. "Ohhh, sure is, Mr. Blassadfergie! Some evil turtle dragon came with a bunch of smaller turtles and set everything on fire, then kidnapped Twilight and ran off! It was horrible!"

"So it WAS Bowser," Astra muttered. Blah nodded. There was no doubt in either of their minds now. "So who was sent to rescue her?"

"Oh yeah, there was this one other human with a silly mustache... Louie, I think his name was... he came to town and told everypony about the attacker, and then he and three others went to that Bowser's castle..."

"And the three others?" Blah prompted.

"Let's see, one of them was Applejack, that I'm sure of... then there was that one winter pegasus... Hailstone? Oh, and Hailstone's pet. It looked kind of like a fox, but it could read minds or something..."

"Hailstorm and Seraphina," Blah confirmed. "Well, looks like we get to kill two birds with one stone."

"You're killing birds?" the pegasus said in shock. "With rocks? What did they ever do to you?"

"...It's an expression," Blah explained, a bit taken aback. "It means to take care of two things at once. We're not really killing birds."

"Oh. Oh yeah, that explains a lot of things... I'm sorry, I'm just a little... slow, sometimes. They don't call me Derpy Hooves for nothing..."

"It's ok, everyone has their flaws," Blah comforted the downed Derpy. "Yours is kind of charming, in a way. In fact, a lot of people back where I come from adore that kind of thing."

"Really...?" Derpy's smile re-emerged. "Well, I do tend to make ponies laugh."

"...Small talk is nice," Astra spoke up, the cuteness factor a little overwhelming, "but don't we have other priorities here?"

"I was getting to that," Blah replied. He turned towards the guards. "Now, you mind letting us through? It's not like you have anything to hide anymore."

The guards exchanged glances. "You may pass..." the first one surrendered. "Just... don't tell Celestia about this, ok?"

"Gotcha," Blah agreed half-heartedly as he steered the Nimrod around the guards. _'It's like the princess has a bone to pick with me or something...'_

The cloud went in for a landing in town, followed closely by Derpy. "Now, there's only one question I have before we go on that rescue mission," Blah said as he and Astra hopped off. "Why would Bowser want to kidnap Twilight if Equestria and the Mushroom Kingdom had nothing to do with each other?"

"Iiiii have a question too," Derpy chimed. "What's in that package anyway? I deliver so much mail I'm always curious about what's being sent..."

"Oooookay," Blah droned, "I'm kind of curious myself, I guess. Astra, go ahead and get a start on asking around town, see if they know anything about why Bowser attacked."

"All right..." Astra headed off towards the town square.

The young girl nervously scoured the streets, taking in the sights and trying to convince herself that this wasn't some kind of dream. Aside from the half-repaired destruction, Ponyville looked like something out of a toddler's storybook - a near-utopian society filled with cute, colorful talking horses. It was such a shame that the innocence had to be ruined by Bowser's selfish desires.

She was hesitant to approach any of the ponies for some reason she couldn't quite grasp - something to do with not being completely certain if they were even real, perhaps. And then she saw a familiar beige-and-brown mushroom cap in front of the library, overseeing its repair.

"Toadsworth?" she asked.

"Do make this quick, I'm very busy as you can no doubt tell." The toad was getting on in his years, and his wrinkled face and gray mustache showed it. He looked back at Astra, the sight of whom was somewhat of a relief to him. "Ah, Astra, what a sight for sore eyes. We could use all the help we can get, you see."

"Same here..." She looked up at the large, charred tree and briefly pondered how one fixes a tree building while retaining its natural look. "What do you know about the attack on this town?"

"Well... it was Bowser, and he kidnapped the curator of this library, a magician of rather high status," Toadsworth explained.

Astra nodded. "Twilight Sparkle... Yes, I heard. My question is, why? What is Bowser planning?"

"Hmm, we haven't quite determined the reasoning behind it," Toadsworth rubbed his chin. "Not long before, he attacked the Mushroom Kingdom as well and made off with our Princess... but sadly, that's practically a given at this point."

A thought occurred to her. "I was attacked recently by an army of sentient dragons... do you think they might have some connection with Bowser?"

"I say, dragons?" repeated Toadsworth in shock. "Goodness, there WAS rumor of Bowser forming a dark alliance with a previously unknown force, but... dragons?"

"Yeah, dragons," Astra affirmed. "Thankfully, we had help... but that doesn't matter right now. What about that rumor?"

Toadsworth cleared his throat, calming down. "I thought it was a rumor, at least, but now I'm not so sure... plus, there was the fact that he wasn't alone in kidnapping the Princess."

"Who was with him?" Astra asked, now paying close attention.

"Well, it was a..." He looked down in concentration. "A... hm, I'm not entirely sure WHAT it was, actually. All I know is that it was only about 2 feet tall, levitated, and was shaped like an isosceles triangle with two thin blue arms."

"Hmm... I hope Blah knows what that is, because I sure don't..."

"All right, it seems I can't go 2 minutes without hearing about this Blah character," Toadsworth sighed. "Who is he exactly?"

"He's... a friend," Astra simplified. "Someone I met a while ago. I haven't seen him around anywhere before, but he seems to know a lot about the world... a lot more than I do... He claims that our universe melded somehow with 7 others, and he has to destroy a bunch of jewels to make everything normal again."

"Yes, that would explain a lot," mumbled Toadsworth.

"And from what I've gathered, Twilight is likely the second most knowledgeable about the subject..."

"So, Bowser must have kidnapped Twilight Sparkle for his new ally to keep that information under wraps, in return for said ally helping him kidnap the princess. By Jove, that's diabolical..."

"Indeed..." Astra looked out into the distance, down a path leading out of the town. "We'll need to know how to get to Bowser's castle, so we can help out however we can."

* * *

><p>Blah first examined the package for the address label, but there was no return address, name, or anything. All it said was "Blahsadfeguie". Shrugging, he ripped open the box, unleashing a small flurry of packing peanuts. He dug through the styrofoam and grasped a slim, cold object, pulling it out of the box...<p>

It was a laptop computer, gray and black, somewhat of an old model. It had already seen a bit of wear and use, about three years' worth, in fact. "No way..." He lifted the lid and booted it up while Derpy watched in wonder. He saw the logos, and a familiar picture appeared on the screen as it asked for a password...

"This is MY laptop!" Blah cried, half in joy, half in astonishment. It was the first thing he had seen of his old home world since he woke up in Terrarialand a week or so ago. He punched in the password, pleased to see that it still worked.

"What is it?" Derpy asked, squinting at the screen as the desktop loaded in rather slowly.

"Well, this is called a computer," Blah explained. "It's a sophisticated piece of technology that can do... well, all kinds of things."

"Can it make muffins?"

"Uh... not directly, but you can look up muffin recipes on the internet." Blah opened up Google and typed "muffin recipes". Pretty soon, the screen was filled with samples of different recipes.

"Whoa... All of that is in that little thing?" Derpy closely examined the computer, noting how thin it was.

"Well, not exactly. The internet is a... hmm." Blah paused, not entirely sure how to explain something as huge as the internet. "Well, think of it like a massive magical library that computers can access at any ti- waaaait a second!" Blah stopped as the realization hit him. "How the heck am I getting a signal in Equestria?"

"Magic?" guessed Derpy with a large shrug.

"Yeah, let's go with that," Blah dismissed. "Anyway, I'd better shut this down to conserve battery po-"

There was a ping, accompanied by a yellowish window appearing on the screen. "And apparently I have Pesterchum installed now too..."

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><p>- moderatingDischarge [MD] began trolling desultoryMonarch [DM] at 20:21 -<p>

MD: }You're welcome.{

* * *

><p>Blah stared at the screen for a moment. Derpy leaned in to read the relatively small text. "What's this?"<p>

"Uh, well, you can use the internet to talk to people too, anywhere in the world." Blah began typing up a response.

"Wow, really?" Derpy exclaimed. "Could I use it to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Cake and order up a batch of muffins right now?"

"I'll get you some muffins later, if you want them so much, just please let me do this," Blah hastily shooed the pegasus as he continued typing.

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><p>DM: who is this exactly?<br>MD: }A friend.{  
>MD: }I truZt that you will uZe your gift wiZely.{<br>DM: well if playing games counts as using a computer wisely  
>DM: specifically this one which I pretty much only use to play games anyway<br>DM: but yeah you'll have to be way more specific than "a friend"  
>MD: }TruZt me, playing gameZ iZ the moZt important thing you will be doing with that computer.{<br>DM: oh haha, I see what you did there  
>DM: it's because of SBURB isn't it<br>DM: totally didn't see that one coming  
>DM: or wait, lemme guess<br>DM: }ZBURB{  
>DM: now please stop dodging the question<br>MD: }I cannot Ztay long, aZ I have Zome important work to do.{  
>MD: }ThiZ iZ probably the only time you will hear from me.{<br>DM: and I just noticed that your initials are like  
>DM: the inverse of mine<br>DM: what's up with that?  
>DM: are you like my patron troll or something<br>MD: }You Zhould not aZk any queZtion whoZe anZwer you cannot handle.{  
>MD: }Goodbye, BlahZadfeguie.{<p>

- moderatingDischarge [MD] ceased trolling desultoryMonarch [DM] at 20:23 -

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><p>Blah closed the laptop in disgust.<p>

Derpy looked back and forth between the laptop and Blah. "That sure was a weird way of spelling."


	26. Breaking the Ice

**Hey there! So, it turns out one of my friends is making a comic based off of this fic. You can find a link to her DA page on my profile, if you want to check it out. We'd both appreciate that very much. :L  
><strong>

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><p>CHAPTER 26: Breaking the Ice<p>

_Every time a question even gets close to being answered, another one comes up... usually two... and there's always the slightest feeling that everything I've seen is familiar me to in some way, but I can't quite place my finger on it... _

There was a soft, pounding rhythm where Astra's feet hit the cobblestone as she dashed back to the square. Blah sat up and put a hold on his thoughts, removing the arm from propping up his chin. "Any news?"

Astra proceeded to tell Blah and the eavesdropping Derpy Hooves everything she and Toadsworth had determined. Blah raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

"I'm willing to bet this new ally of Bowser's has one of the jewels, or at least knows where it is," Blah inferred. "There's definitely something about it they want to keep a secret, and god dang it I am going to beat the secrets out of them if I have to." He stood up.

"Any idea who this mysterious ally might be?" Astra prompted.

"Doesn't ring any bells..." Blah answered. "It doesn't sound too harmless though. I think we'll be fine."

"Hmm..." Astra hesitated, not too convinced of that. "So I suppose that settles it?"

"Yep." Blah double-checked his backpack and his weapons. He figured he might need to stock up on potions, but other than that he was satisfied with his gear. "We should make one last stop in Blahtown and get some more ciders," Blah recommended, heading for his cloud. "Shouldn't take long with this ba-where did it go."

The Nimrod wasn't there. Blah stared at the empty space where he left it and blinked. He turned towards Astra, who gave him a shrug. He then looked at Derpy, who smiled an innocent, sheepish smile.

"Uh... sorry," said a shaky, familiar voice from behind him. Blah turned around to see Bo-bobo in a withered stance, nervously tapping his fingers together. "I kinda... kept betting it in poker and eventually I lost it."

"Whee! This is fun!" The cloud zipped around above them, being ridden by a pink shape that was hard to make out from that distance.

Blah slowly turned to look at Bo-bobo, rage building in his face. "You... REALLY don't know when to quit, do you?"

"But I was on a roll..." whined the Hajikelist. "I was doing perfectly fine until this character showed up..."

Blah squinted at the cloud again. He was only partially surprised when he finally identified the new proud owner of the flying cloud - Pinkie Pie.

"Wheeee!" squealed Pinkie again. "This is almost the most fun I've ever had EVER! I wonder, do ALL clouds do this or just the yellow ones? I've always wanted to find out but I'm not a pegasus so I never could! Sometimes I wish I were a pegasus so I could fly around and bounce off of clouds but I'm doing that now so I guess I don't even need to dream anymore!"

That wasn't even the end of it, but Blah could barely hear her through his facepalm. "PLEASE tell me you have some other way to travel," Blah strained.

"Well, I do have this..." Bo-bobo reached into his afro and pulled out some kind of stick with an indentation in the middle. He grabbed it with both hands and pulled the stick, extending it and creating several holographic lines underneath it. Bo-bobo took a running start forward as the lines continued to form in the shape of a motorcycle, and by the time he was at full speed the motorcycle was completely solid and he was perched atop it, zooming off into the distance.

"Ack, wait a minute, I don't know how to stop this thiiiiiing..." Bo-bobo disappeared into the horizon.

"I don't know about you," Astra commented, awe-struck, "but it looks to me like he abandoned us... on purpose..."

"Well," said Blah with a heavy sigh, "that's Bo-bobo for you. Now come on, we gotta find some other way to get around..."

"That shouldn't be too hard, considering we're in a town full of sentient mounts."

"Yes, which means they have feelings," countered Blah. "And lives. I doubt we'll find any willing to carry us."

"Ahem!"

Blah and Astra's gaze shifted collectively downward onto a certain senior toad leading two saddled, miniature big-nosed dinosaurs. "It was the best we could do on such short notice. I do hope they will suffice." Toadsworth placed his hands behind his back triumphantly.

"Yoshi!" greeted the purple one.

"Yosh," acknowledged the orange one.

Blah stared with wide eyes, at the orange Yoshi in particular. There was something about this Yoshi, some aura of mellow coolness that he couldn't quite place his finger on, and he could see a glimpse of profoundness behind those eyes. But he seemed... out of place, like he was lacking... direction, or satisfaction. The orange Yoshi was incomplete, and Blah had a good idea of just what he needed.

"Erm, Master Blah..." Toadsworth said, ignoring the strangeness of slipping the word "blah" into his normally sophisticated vernacular.

"Sunglasses," he muttered.

"I beg your pardon?" Toadsworth continued.

"I... need... sunglasses."

Astra gave Blah a weird look. "...I don't think playing dress-up is going to rescue Twi-"

"SUNGLASSES. ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. MUST ACQUIRE." He poised his leg and arms as if he were about to sprint the sprint of his life, but froze mid-pose and turned to Derpy. "Would you kindly point me towards the Carousel Boutique?"

"Why, it's right over that way," Derpy cooperated nonchalantly, pointing a hoof at a heavily-decorated building.

"Thanks bye!" He resumed his mad charge towards the Boutique. The orange Yoshi discreetly examined the startled expressions of the onlookers, and casually followed in Blah's wake, getting an uncanny feeling that maybe he was on to something. Having nowhere else to go, Astra, Toadsworth, Derpy, and the other Yoshi lagged behind.

Blah practically barged into the Carousel Boutique, shaking the entire shop and causing a white-coated unicorn to slip and mis-stitch some threading on a dress. "Sunglasses! Do you carry sunglasses?"

"Wha- have you any manners?" stammered the unicorn, hastily fixing the mistake in her sewing. "Being the local hero isn't an excuse for improper conduct! At least have the decency to apologize."

"Sorry, Rarity, but this is really urgent!" Blah explained, letting the Yoshi enter the room. "This Yoshi needs sunglasses, stat!"

Rarity keenly eyed the Yoshi up and down. Her eyes narrowed as she placed the Yoshi in a mental picture frame, adding sunglasses and probably other accessories from what Blah could tell. Suddenly, she perked up. "Ahh, why didn't you tell me it was a matter of fashion?" she mused, her attitude making a complete U-turn. "Never you mind about your earlier behavior. Please, come with me."

Blah grinned with excitement, but Yoshi was somewhat disturbed at the way Rarity looked him over. Both of them, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, followed Rarity into a back room.

The room was full of racks upon racks of glasses, hats, earrings, necklaces, and other accessories, all organized in a delicate display. Blah, of course, wasn't paying much attention to the room itself. He examined the sunglasses curiously. Most of them were a bit too fancy or feminine, but there were a few that-

"Ah ah ah, don't you move a muscle!" Rarity snatched the sunglasses before Blah could even reach for the pair he was contemplating. "I'll be the judge of this endeavor, thank you very much! And, judging by that silly, drab metal suit you're wearing, you would benefit from a professional opinion. Now, be a dear and hold still."

"Well, clearly you have a better look for me that's just as practical," Blah drawled sarcastically as Rarity previewed various pairs of glasses over the Yoshi's eyes. The reptilian mount wasn't entirely fond of being a living mannequin, but he reluctantly held still. Perhaps it would all pay off in the end.

"I'm sure I could come up with something, given enough time," Rarity replied, having mastered the art of background chatter whilst doing other work. "I've had a bit of practice designing armor for Princess Celestia's royal guards once. It was a design that, sadly, was scrapped in favor of- AHA!"

Rarity stopped, resting the umpteenth pair of sunglasses on the Yoshi's nose. It was a sharp pair, both literally and figuratively, the lenses narrow triangles pointing towards the sky's horizon. Or where it would be if they weren't indoors, at least.

Blah and Rarity admired the new Yoshisona with intense fascination, and the two momentarily shared the same train of thought.

"That charisma, that character!" Rarity swooned.

"That style, that... awesomeness!" Blah marveled.

"We have just witnessed the birth of... of..."

"Broshi!"

Through a cool, shaded filter, the newly-christened Broshi viewed the environment with an attitude that perfectly reflected his true nature. If he had to guess, he'd approximate the improvement to his impressiveness at around one fifth greater than it was prior. Possibly more.

He gave his witnesses a slight nod to indicate his approval, and both Blah and Rarity practically melted. Surely now, he'd have no problems getting the attention of...

"Whoa!"

Blah's confused cohorts had finally caught up to him, and the first one to react to the new 'shi was none other than the old one. The purple specimen was star-struck by the sight of her orange likeness. Sure, they had known each other for quite some time now, and they had even grown up on the same side of the island. But now, he was like a completely different Yoshi to her... and yet the exact same.

"Yo," greeted Broshi, gazing at the object of his attention with his eyes barely peering over the top of his new eyewear, as if to convey that she was the only one that he cared to see unshrouded, the one beacon of light in an obscured reality.

Somehow, that one syllable was enough to convey an entire sonnet of feelings. With a language that lacked such descriptors, the Yoshi mind is one that has evolved around mutual understanding and empathy, and that knack was no less apparent with this couple. Tears welled in her eyes as she realized that all of the answers she had been searching for were right in front of her, pretty much her entire life. The two embraced, their combined emotion overwhelming everyone in the room. Even Rarity was speechless with awed wonder.

_'If only love were that simple in my world,' _lamented Blah.

* * *

><p>- heedlessDeacon [HD] began pestering accomodatedDragon [AD] at 19:21 -<p>

HD: why  
>HD: is there<br>HD: a hole  
>HD: in the ground<br>HD: and where  
>HD: is my piano<br>AD: Both of those questions are each others' answers.  
>AD: But you should probably focus on finding a weapon.<br>HD: i have a weapon what are you talking about  
>AD: That is a clarinet.<br>HD: a loud clarinet  
>HD: also watch me impale this sucker with it<br>HD: now that is what i call music  
>AD: That seems to have just made it angry.<br>AD: I don't think impaling it again is going to solve anything.  
>AD: Reed, there are more of them.<br>AD: You're surrounded.  
>HD: really now<br>HD: maybe you could do something  
>HD: youre a player not an announcer<br>AD: You saw what happened to the piano. I'd rather not get into this again.  
>HD: i dont really care anymore<br>HD: im in no position to care  
>AD: Are you sure?<br>HD: YES  
>HD: JUST HELP ME FOR TRIFFS SAKE<br>AD: Okay...  
>AD: There.<br>AD: Your tuba's a little dinged up, but no more holes in your house.  
>AD: Everything's perfectly fine!<br>HD: what do you mean a little dinged up  
>HD: that things a twisted heap now<br>HD: like how can you even mess up a tuba that much  
>AD: Everything's perfectly fine!<br>HD: sigh  
>AD: Now PLEASE go and get a better weapon.<br>AD: And pick up those blue things, they might be useful.

* * *

><p>Angel Island slowed to a stop, hovering once again over its original location. Knuckles surveyed the surrounding ocean sunset with a sigh of relief.<p>

"Finally, now maybe I can get some real rest..." Knuckles said, heading back to the central shrine.

"Did anyone else think it was kind of odd for the dragons to just flee like that, right after Blah and Astra left?" Tails asked, following him. "I mean, I know they were getting beaten, but the timing was nearly spot-on..."

"Yeah... it's almost like they didn't care about the island itself, or the Master Emerald," Sonic added.

"Why not, it's a beautiful vacation spot!" Jelly Jiggler chimed in.

"Why are you still here?" Knuckles glared at Jelly.

"Yeah, why ARE you still here?" Don Patch repeated. "You're a tuna! Go back to the ocean where you belong!"

"Aah! Yes sir!" Jelly hot-footed it to the edge of the island and jumped off, leaving Team Sonic to roll their eyes.

"Whatever," sighed Knuckles. "I just want to spend a normal night surrounded by my own culture for once. But, first things first." He approached a nearby echidna, who was regathering himself from the strenuous battle. "Hey. Make sure you guys clean up, and give our fallen brothers proper burials."

"Oh, um... about that." The echidna seemed a bit uncomfortable. "We had several casualties, but we couldn't find any bodies for some reason... Every echidna here is alive."

Knuckles's eyebrows furrowed. "What...? Are you sure?"

The echidna nodded. Knuckles turned to Sonic and Tails.

"Now, if you ask me, that's even more suspicious," Sonic commented.

"Why would anyone want to hide the victims of a war...?" Tails muttered to himself. "Or WHO would, for that matter... Those dragons left too quickly to do anything of the sort..."

"Argh, I'm not in the mood for this," Knuckles grumbled, his exhaustion overpowering his rage at the moment. "I'm going to sleep. I doubt we'll get attacked again anytime soon, but you should probably stick around just in case."

* * *

><p>Blah studied the hastily-drawn map carefully. A toad from the relief squad had drawn the map as they traveled between the Mushroom Kingdom and Ponyville to get a feel for the new layout of the multiverse, as well as marking where Bowser's Castle was for him and Astra.<p>

The tired sun was finally beginning to set over the western landscape. The terrain was rough and riddled with rocky hills and depressions through which grew very little grass, but the Yoshis were experts at climbing hills and jumping gaps even with a hundred pounds on their backs. There wasn't a lot of animal life, hostile or otherwise, either. It was serene and yet eerie at the same time.

The Yoshis' attitude certainly contributed to the former, however. Blah wasn't even aware that Yoshis could be female before ten minutes ago, and judging by Astra's awkward, tight posture, it was probably news to her as well. Neither mount seemed to mind, though.

Using his downtime, Blah thought back to the strange description of the new enemy that Astra mentioned. Small, floating, triangular, two blue arms... apparently intimidating... didn't sound like anything from any of the universes he had encountered...

Blah froze. He knew exactly what it was. It wasn't from any of these worlds. It was one of his own creations.

"Trank..." Blah muttered.

"Trank?" Astra asked.

"That's Bowser's new 'friend'..." He continued to look straight ahead with a broken stare. "Trank is an emotionless husk with zero remorse and the mindset of a hardened serial killer. His original purpose was as a means of balance, to take out anyone that was becoming too powerful regardless of alignment, calling them 'nubs'. However, he ended up developing a strong hatred for life in general, and he started using his power for his own selfish purposes. Now he sees everyone as a 'nub'."

"Wait... are you implying that you created him?" said a concerned Astra.

"Well, he was a fictional character..." Blah explained. "But I've seen a lot of my own 'fictional' characters come to life in this dimension. I can't believe I didn't think of Trank earlier... we really gotta hustle now. Peach and Twilight are in serious trouble, as are Hail, Sera, Applejack and Luigi... and probably Bowser as well..."

"...does Trank have an army of dragons?" Astra continued.

"Not that I'm aware of... although I do recall that at one point he had the ability to summon..." Blah froze again. "Meteors."

"So the meteors have nothing to do with that game, then?" Astra was getting more and more confused.

"I really don't know anymore," Blah shook his head. In fact, he was pretty sure he never knew to begin with. "But if the meteors were Trank's doing, then perhaps he does have some connection to the dragons after all..."

There was a bit of silence as Blah and Astra further pondered the possibilities in their heads. Their thoughts were violently interrupted, however, by a distant explosion that shook the very earth and loosened many rocks perched atop hills. Astra's Yoshi was particularly spooked.

"Whoa... another meteor?" Blah guessed.

"I think we would have seen a meteor falling from the sky," Astra discredited. "It sounded like it came from over there."

Broshi, followed reluctantly by his mate, quickly headed over towards the source of the explosion. They soon stumbled across a cave entrance, reinforced with man-made materials and with a track leading into it.

"A mineshaft? All the way out here?" Blah questioned.

"Take a look at this." Astra indicated a small, sleek purple car with an intricate yet menacing bumper and a black horizontal zig-zag decal on the hood. It didn't look like it could comfortably seat more than one or two people, but it did look as though it had seen some serious speed.

"Wario," Blah and Astra identified in tandem.

"I guess this is his mine..." Blah assessed. "Either that or he's stealing from it, using explosives... but anyway, I bet if we drove this to the castle, we'd get there in no time flat."

"Hey, stealing's our thing, bub. Get your own."

Blah craned around to meet face-to-face with one of the biggest, most imposing mustaches he had ever seen, second only to Dr. Eggman, attached to an angry dwarf of exaggerated girth. Behind him stood the third biggest mustache, carrying a large lumpy sack with his long, skinny arms.

"Oh, and Waluigi too, of course," Astra added nonchalantly.

"Hey Wario, isn't that the girl who was too good for your goods?" Waluigi goaded.

"Yeah, looks like her alright." Wario grinned darkly. "So, need something from us after all, eh?"

"No, absolutely not," replied Astra without skipping a beat. Nervousness began to gloss over her normally collected nature in the form of beads of sweat.

"What happened, now?" Blah asked, stepping off of Broshi in an attempt to threaten Wario and defend Astra. "Did you goons try to sell her something?"

"She wanted to build a rocket," Wario filled him in, "and, turns out, I know a guy. But she refused-a to buy any of my parts." Astra's gaze drifted groundward at the mention of the rocket.

"Well, knowing you guys, you probably tried to rip her off," Blah judged, his arms crossed in disgust.

"Did not!" Waluigi immediately defended, to Wario's chagrin. "...Wah, how do you know us exactly?"

"Long story," deterred Blah, cutting to the chase. "Now, we could really use a fast ride to Bowser's castle, no offense," he added to the Yoshis, "and I know that your car is pretty top-notch. Also, I have money. I think you know where I'm going with this."

"Hah. All right." Wario rubbed his mustache deviously. "But I want to hear it from HER first." He turned to Astra, barely able to contain his pride. "Tell me how much-a you NEED me right now."

"...You've got to be kidding," Astra bemoaned.

"Please just do it, the hostage pile isn't stopping from getting taller," Blah coaxed, trying to mask his impatience in order to comfort her - and not completely succeeding at both of those things.

Astra gave him a glare that said something along the lines of "it's not that simple". Meanwhile, Wario and Waluigi chortled to themselves.

Broshi lowered his glasses, flashing Astra a look of compassion. "Just swallow your pride, you'll be ok in the long run," said his soothing eyes in the chill voice of body language.

Astra swallowed literally, acting as a placebo for the metaphor, and she cleared her throat. Blah and Broshi were right; there were much more important things on her plate than her pride. "Wario, I need you right now, because without your help, at least six people will be in grave danger." She was almost as serious as she had always been.

There was a momentary silence. Even Wario was impressed, and his attempts to hide it weren't very fruitful. "...That's more like it," he reacted with a notable lack of enthusiasm. Astra felt a bit better knowing her request didn't give either of them the satisfaction they craved. "Now, let's-a talk travel fare..."


	27. Triangular Tryhard

**We just got a chapter~ we just got a chapter~**

**We just got a chapter~ I wonder if it's dumb?  
><strong>

**(in other words, hello, I'm not dead, sorry for the wait, blah blah blah here you go.)  
><strong>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 27: Triangular Tryhard<p>

It was true that Wario's car was way too small to conceivably fit 6 different people. However, Wario could be pretty resourceful for the right price. Blah, Astra, Broshi and Violet (Astra thought it a fitting name) rode behind in a minecart that Wario hitched to the back of his car with some rope that he found. Blah still had no idea whether or not that stuff was actually his, but he didn't care. He'd had far too many mishaps for one day as it was.

But it seemed that he'd still have a bit of down-time as he waited to arrive at the castle - about ten minutes or so, according to Wario.

He turned to Astra. "So..." he began, the rushing wind concealing his voice to everyone but her. "Rocket parts? Shooting for the stars, eh?" He had always been curious, but had never had a chance to ask until now.

Astra looked back at him apprehensively. "Well... it's not so much the stars I'm shooting for..." She didn't seem eager to say any more.

"C'mon, you can trust me," said Blah, "You can tell me anything, sis." Blah didn't realize what he had called her until several seconds later. Somehow, it felt completely natural for him, and something told him that it felt just as natural for Astra as well.

She released her tension with a sigh. "Ok... well... I've been trying to figure out who my parents are for the longest time... I've never met either of them, you see... but I was told that my mother went into space..."

"Your mom was an astronaut?" Blah asked.

"Maybe... but it's the only lead I've got, so I'm going to build a rocket and..."

"Space is kind of big," Blah noted. "Are you sure you're going to be able to find her by just cruising through space in a rocket?"

Astra glanced away silently. Blah put a hand on her shoulder. "Look - it may be tough, but I can help you build that rocket and look for her. Space is my specialty now, we'll have it conquered in no time." Blah smiled. He was also looking forward to getting to explore space as well, even if it was the space of another universe.

"Ok... thanks," said Astra. "I was starting to doubt that myself, but I didn't expect it to be easy."

"Anytime," Blah replied with a nod. He began to lean back in the cart.

"Waah!"

Blah's slight rest was interrupted by a shriek from Waluigi, and Blah glanced over in time to catch him coming up from a duck. He looked at the object he had just dodged, and it was a red Koopa shell.

"What, are we playing Mariokart now?" Blah guessed as he checked the direction it came from, and his question was answered immediately. It appeared to be a massive battle between Koopa Troopas and an alliance of ponies and toads. Upon closer inspection, another kind of reptile was fighting alongside the Koopas. They looked like dragons, but not all of them had wings as the ones that he already encountered had.

"Are we driving THROUGH a war zone?!" Astra shouted.

"We'll be out in a jiffy!" Wario yelled back. "It's faster this way!"

Another shell whizzed by Blah's head. "Faster to our graves, maybe!"

"Ack!" cried Violet, ducking under a stray beam of unicorn magic.

"Hmph!" Broshi stood in the cart, getting quite fed up with the danger. His tongue shot out, lapping up an incoming fireball and spewing it straight back where it came from. It struck a Parakoopa out of the sky.

"Oh yeah, I forgot Yoshis could do that..." muttered a flabbergasted Blah.

Broshi continued to defend their cart from projectiles, and when the fire started getting really hectic, Blah took up his hammer and began to hit things himself. Somehow, the six of them managed to get out without injury.

"Thanks for nearly getting us killed..." whined Waluigi.

"What a bunch of babies..." Wario mumbled.

The wasteland terrain began to get more and more uneven, and mountains blocked the setting sun, creating a dim twilight. The landscape was ravaged and charred. There were occasional pools of lava supplementing what little light there was. And, in the distance, a dark castle loomed.

Wario screeched to a halt. "Ok, this is where you get off," he grumbled.

"What, you're not coming with us?" Blah asked, climbing out of the cart.

"You think-a we're stupid or something?" Wario answered. "We're merchants, not heroes. Now unless you got-a something else you want to buy, get out!"

"Hmm." Blah thought for a moment. "You have any bombs?"

Waluigi cackled. "Waah, but of course!" He pulled out a large bag, opening it to show off a sizable pile of Bob-ombs. "The going rate is 50 silver per bomb!"

"10 should be plenty," Blah said, handing him 5 gold coins in exchange for a small bag of bombs.

"Pleasure doing business," Waluigi chuckled after pocketing the coins. "Now come on, let's amscray."

"Way ahead of you," said Wario, shifting the car back into gear. "See you later, if you're still alive! Wa ha ha!" The mustachioed duo zoomed away.

"Well that certainly makes me feel confident," Blah remarked, picking up his pack and bomb bag.

"So, about that battle..." Astra began as they walked the rest of the way towards the castle. "I think that pretty much concludes that Trank and the dragons are connected."

"More or less," said Blah. "And Trank may not have had the capacity to summon an army of dragons, but there is something familiar about the dragons themselves... for instance, do you think it's odd that none of the dragons we've fought so far could breathe fire?"

"Well, I'm certainly not complaining..." acknowledged Astra.

"I think I might have an idea of what they are," Blah stated. "But it's just an idea. I'd like to have a bit more evidence before I go jumping to conclusions this time..." The idea he had in mind was a bit too strange even for him at this point. "Anyway, we should focus on getting through this castle. Stay back..."

The four of them hid behind a large rock, out of sight of the two Koopa guards at the entrance. Blah took a single bob-omb from his bag, lighting it, and charged at the castle. As soon as he was within throwing range, he let the bomb loose. The two Koopas didn't know what hit them. And neither did the castle, which now had a massive gaping hole where the main doors used to be.

"...is this necessary?" questioned Astra, shocked.

"There's no time to fool around with traps or guards," Blah called as he ran into the castle, the rest of his bombs ready at his side. "Come on!"

Astra and the Yoshis followed, keeping a safe distance and watching his back.

Blah, as if reading a mental map of the castle, bombed his way through the floors and walls to carve a path straight to the throne room. He was so quick, the guards couldn't group fast enough to make a proper counter-attack. The ones that did manage to gather were caught in the blasts, seriously damaged. Blah didn't care who or what he bombed. 6 explosions later, he jumped through the floor of the throne room and aimed another bob-omb at the furious, deathly confused Bowser.

"You! Free all of your prisoners right now or I blow everyone sky high!" shouted Blah. He had not seen any trace of the first rescue party, so he had to assume the worst - they had joined the existing prisoners.

Bowser was speechless, but another voice did the talking for him. "You've come a long way just to die, nub."

Blah stopped. He had never heard the voice before, and yet he knew exactly whose it was. He turned around - time to face the music.

There they stood, creator and created, staring at each other face-to-face for the first time. Blah felt an intrusion in his very mind, as if Trank's glare burrowed through his own eyes and into his brain. There was a moment of eerie silence... for all except Blah.

/That was a fun show. So much firepower, all to save a few friends you barely know from a fate you were never sure of.\

Blah remained silent. Bowser, Astra and the two Yoshis waited for someone, anyone to make the first move.

/How does it feel to let it all loose? To show the world what you're capable of? But is it enough? Go ahead. Prove to me how strong you are. Prove that you're not a nub.\

Blah's face slowly took on an expression of anger. He brandished one of his three remaining bombs, poising to throw. "Take care of Bowser for me," Blah commanded. "I've got Trank."

**Trank has awoken!**

Blah began by immediately throwing his bomb. Trank merely stood in place, letting the bomb detonate on him. Part of the floor crumbled, but Trank remained fully intact as if nothing had happened. Blah, not very pleased, charged at him with his phaselance. Trank pivoted on some invisible axis and grabbed Blah's lance-wielding hand, wrenching it from his grip while simultaneously taking him down with enough force to further weaken the floor.

While this was happening, Bowser snuck up behind Astra and grabbed her with his claw, her armor thankfully keeping it from piercing her skin. She was immobile, however, and Broshi reacted with a springing kick to Bowser's stomach, causing him to release her.

Violet had retreated to the corner, not wanting any part of this battle, but it wasn't long before what remained of Bowser's army began to file in with the intention of protecting their master. Reflexively, she mopped up the first wave with her tongue, producing several eggs in the process.

Trank, now in possession of the phaselance, held it to Blah's throat as he laid on the floor. His legs outside of Trank's vision, he lifted them up and brought them down on the floor one last time, causing part of it to shatter. Trank seemed only capable of hovering a few feet off of the ground, and so he fell along with Blah. In mid air, Blah reached for his hammer and had it ready just as he reoriented himself and landed on his feet. Trank landed close by, right-side-up as well. The two of them were in a small library/lounge inhabited by Magikoopas on break.

Astra drew her scythe while Broshi continued his onslaught, punching and then headbutting Bowser in his exposed, less protected gut. The Koopa King slid back a foot or so, but quickly recovered and began spewing a steady stream of flame at Broshi and Astra. Broshi attempted to swallow the flame, but it was too much at once and he was forced to dodge. Astra leaped over it altogether and sliced downward at Bowser, who tilted his head to block the scythe with his horn.

The crowd had died down, leaving Violet with several cartons' worth of ammo. She took aim and fired at Bowser from afar, who was too busy dealing with Astra to stop it from hitting his face with an eggshell shrapnel explosion. The beast reeled, and before the other two could take advantage of the opening, he withdrew into his shell and launched himself at all three of them in a way only a Koopa could.

Trank and Blah charged at each other, each with enraged tunnel vision, and began to swing their weapons. Trank kept Blah from getting too close with his lance, and being a much faster weapon than a hammer, he was able to poke around Blah's defenses and put a dent in his armor. This brought the triangle close enough for Blah to retaliate with a downward hammer smash, chipping part of Trank's tip. The surrounding Magikoopas abandoned the room pretty quickly.

Astra and Broshi practically dove out of the way of the giant spiked projectile, but Violet was already backed into a corner. The shell plowed through half of her eggs, and she was forced to jump over it, flailing her limbs frantically to gain more height. Bowser had already come out of the shell and thrusted it upwards, catching her with many of the spikes. Violet flopped to the ground in serious pain.

Broshi was furious. He zoomed forward, bringing one of the unbroken eggs to him with his tongue and immediately throwing it back at Bowser. He deflected it with his arm, but it bought the orange Yoshi enough time to close the gap and give him a rough uppercut to the jaw.

With Trank stunned, Blah twisted his hammer around and slammed him again on the side, just under the arm. The angle sent him to the ground, but he bounced back quickly like a repelling magnet and drove the lance upward towards Blah's head. He leaned back and rammed his knee into Trank's elbow, causing him to drop the lance. Blah snatched it up with his foot as he brought his hammer around again to slam into Trank, but he caught the top of its handle with his other hand, much to Blah's surprise.

Broshi and Bowser began a series of fast-paced close-range exchanges, Broshi weaving dexterously out of Bowser's slashes and ducking back in to deliver a punch or two, and repeating. Bowser, becoming more and more frustrated, lunged forward and attempted a massive bite, to which the Yoshi responded by leaping over him and pounding his entire body onto his head, right between the horns. This sent him onto his stomach, giving Broshi the opportunity to finally go to Violet's side...

Blah caught the lance in his left hand as Trank tossed the hammer behind himself, which slid under a bookshelf and lodged itself there. Switching hands and retrieving his shield, Blah charged at Trank, aiming right for his center. But Trank was just too fast, dodging around the lance on the opposite side of the shield. He leaned forward, his tip now facing Blah, and in the course of a second, he began to spin like a large drill, driving himself right into Blah's ill-protected right side. By the time he was able to slap Trank away with the broad side of his lance, his armor had cracked nearly in half.

The purple Yoshi had received several deep puncture wounds all over her body. She gazed up at Broshi with longing eyes, begging for him to do something. She was losing blood, and fast - and with Blah preoccupied, she didn't have much time. Broshi didn't waste any of it as he tore down one of the egotistical tapestries hung about the room and wrapped it tightly around her, putting much needed pressure on the wounds. It was by no means a permanent solution, but it would grant her additional time. Broshi removed his shades for a moment. Hang in there, his determined ogle conveyed. I'm not giving up on you.

/You're going to have to do better than that, nub. One of your friends is dying already.\

The words echoed through Blah's head in Trank's devilish voice as he concentrated on regaining himself from the force of the drilling. "You don't even know the half of my full potential," panted Blah, stalling while he reached for his backpack, hoping to find SOMETHING he could use to change the game... and the first thing he felt was the musket that he had procured from breaking the shadow orb on Angel Island.

/Then what are you waiting for? Rise up. Unleash your power, and destroy. That is, if you can. Nub.\

Blah took on a new look, one that rivaled Trank in terms of pure spite. He began to produce an aura, this time one of a deep navy hue. He pulled out the musket. "You know," he surged, aiming the firearm, "that 'nub' thing is getting waaay old. Fist of the Milky Way..." The aura intensified as Blah pulled the trigger. "Photon Flurry!" The aura spread quickly to the musket, which began to fire musket balls with the force of a rifle, and the rate of a machine gun. The constant barrage of bullets constrained Trank back against the wall and put several dents in his exoskeleton. Trank was helplessly pinned, and the bullet rain kept pelting, weakening his armor further.

He began to rush forward, still firing like mad, now with one hand as he grabbed his lance with the other. Just as he ran out of bullets, and before Trank could peel himself from the wall, he loaded his phaselance into the musket and launched it like a rocket. The lance penetrated through Trank, but only a few inches, pinning him once again, and by that time Blah was within range to pound the lance further through with the stock of the musket.

Blah removed the lance, and through the large hole in Trank's hide escaped a thin gas. The lightness that privileged Trank to hover in midair left him, and he crashed to the ground with a clank, rendering him immobile. The hole was just big enough for Blah to stuff a lit bomb into, which he accomplished with a triumphant chortle. "Who's the nub now?" Blah taunted, wasting no time in leaping onto a nearby bookshelf and up through the opening between floors just as he heard the satisfying KABOOM.

**Trank has been defeated!**

A deeply disturbing sight met Blah's eyes as he emerged. Violet was bound in a bloodstained tapestry as her orange counterpart did everything he could to keep her alive. Behind them, Astra and Bowser were once again locked in close combat, both of them expending their energy meeting each other's strikes. It looked like either one could fall over at any time.

He reached into his pack, digging into the bottom for a bottle of Applejack's cider. He saw Violet turn her head towards Broshi slowly, knowing that she could still be saved, but this window of hope was closing fast. He picked up his feet and rushed over towards the Yoshis... _I'm going to make it..._ thought Blah, his heart pounding faster than he had previously thought possible...

Suddenly, a beam from the side hit Blah in the hand, causing him to lose his grip in the potion in pain. The bottle shattered on the floor, the cider pooling uselessly out. Blah nearly slipped on it, but caught himself and turned his head towards the source of the shot. In the doorway stood a Magikoopa, cackling madly.

"Well it's about TIME you showed up, Kammy!" yelled Bowser as he backpedaled away from a swing of Astra's scythe.

"Sorry, Your Vileness!" Kammy Koopa apologized. "We've never had so many prisoners at once, those misfits are hard to deal with..."

During the banter, Blah frantically reached for another potion - however, Kammy caught on quickly, this time shooting the pack straight off of his back, tearing it by the straps and thrusting it against the far wall. "Next one's going straight for your ugly head!" she threatened.

Blah desperately examined his options. All he had on him was an empty musket and his phaselance; everything else was in his pack which was now halfway across the room. If he attempted to retrieve a potion, he'd be under constant assault from Kammy without any way to counter her. He hesitated, perhaps for a bit too long.

Kammy's work was not yet done, however. With a cackle, she teleported directly behind Astra and conjured a large, yellow block above her. She had barely enough time to react and she rolled out of the way, the block pounded into the floor behind her. Bowser jumped back as well, taking a moment to catch his breath for once. There was a moment of pause.

Neither of the villains paid any attention to Broshi, however, assuming that he was preoccupied with keeping Violet as stable as possible. He took the opportunity to lash out his tongue at Blah's broken pack, barely reaching it and bringing it closer. He dove his arm into the opening, shoulder-deep, and grabbed one of the last intact bottles of cider. Before Kammy or Bowser realized what was happening, he had already uncapped it and fed it to Violet.

Violet coughed. The bleeding slowed, and Broshi carefully unwound the tapestry, revealing that most of the wounds were starting to close up. She had taken the potion at the very last possible moment; it was enough to save her, but not nearly enough to put her back into fighting condition. Nevertheless, the two gazed into each other's eyes, their connection now stronger than ever. Even Bowser felt a little relieved at the sight.

The only thought going through Blah's mind at that moment: _Do Yoshis kiss?_

His question was answered. Not even caring about their witnesses and surroundings, for the moment was just too right, the two leaned towards each other and shared a passionate embrace, one of contentment and extrication. Not one of the onlookers could pry their eyes from the scene, or bring themselves to interrupt it in any way.

"This is stupid," Kammy exclaimed, quickly becoming an exception and casting a spell at Violet. In her place was a large, magenta-hued metal block.

...

The air stood still, and what seemed like a whole minute passed, no one moving an inch.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Blah shouted, breaking the silence. Everyone stared at the Magikoopa.

"It was gross, and way out of place," she stated nonchalantly, her arms folded. "I put an end to it."

"You're just jealous because you're old, ugly, and alone." Blah's tone had escalated to that of serious rage.

His words cranked up Kammy's temper as well. "N-no way! I'm not ugly! I'm BEAUTIFUL! I'LL show YOU ugly!" The exchange was something reminiscent of a couple of rowdy kindergarteners at recess. Kammy lifted her wand and aimed at Blah, charging up another spell.

The human prepared to dodge, and the blue aura returned to him - but there was no need. A spinning egg shattered on the witch's hand, causing her to lose her grip on the wand.

Broshi stood tossing another egg up and down in his hand, staring Kammy down with a burning intensity equivalent to the sun. He was dead silent, as his blazing glare said all that was needed, enough to steal the words from his objective as well.

Kammy began to regret everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Yep.<strong>


	28. The Voice of Fate

**Here, have an update. You deserve it for being such good boys and girls. 8L**

* * *

><p>Chapter 28: The Voice of Fate<p>

Another egg rocketed at Kammy Koopa, aimed low enough to force her to sidestep and increasing the distance between her and her dropped wand. Without it, she was helpless against Broshi's severe barrage. The egg shower continued; as one hit, this left the frightened witch open for more to follow and allowed Broshi to traverse the distance between them. Leaping over a muddle of broken eggshells, the orange avenger slammed his foot right into the koopa's large hooked nose, sending her careening into the nearest support pillar with enough force to nearly crack the structure in half. Without missing a beat, Broshi followed in her wake to stomp down on her again and clock her repeatedly.

As much as he wanted to help, Bowser could not take his eyes off of the violent train wreck of Broshi's bloodlust. And, neither could Astra.

Blah, on the other hand, took the opportunity to slip around and snatch up Kammy's wand unnoticed, making a beeline for the dungeon.

The halls were unsurprisingly barren; those among Bowser's minions who weren't knocked out by any of the heroes had already abandoned the premises, their fear for their lives managing to exceed their fear of Bowser. All that was left was a hall of barred cells, many of which were empty, save for a few containing skeletons of their former inhabitants. Blah shuddered at the thought of literally rotting away in a dungeon cell.

Several cells and dry bones later, as soon as Blah began to note that Bowser had seriously misjudged the amount of prisoners he would be holding in them at any given time, he finally found some signs of life within the cells. A shimmering magical barrier covered the doors of a handful of them, and amazingly, a half dozen koopa guards waited there for something to happen, blissfully unaware of the carnage occuring on the other end of the castle.

Blah was also met with the sight of 8 of his friends and allies behind those guards, barriers, and bars; namely, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Twilight, Applejack, Hailstorm, Seraphina, and for some reason, Don Patch. Most of them noticed him instantly (except Don, who was busy spraying graffiti on the walls of the cell), including the guards.

The guards begin charging him, denying him sufficient time to ready his lance. Blah instinctively pointed the wand down the hall, firing a light ray of various geometric shapes in their direction. One of the guards held his spear longways, somehow deflecting the attack. _'Ack, shoulda figured they'd know how to counter their own weaponry,'_ Blah thought as he narrowly avoided a stab to his torso. He countered with a kick, sending the nearest guard onto his shell and forcing those behind him to stop before they tripped over him.

This gave Blah enough time to produce his Phaselance. He counter-charged, kicking the downed koopa and sending his shell spiraling in the others' direction. The two that weren't bowled over were immediately run through by the lance. There were now four guards laying helplessly on their backs, not counting the two that were dead.

Blah shifted back to his wand and blasted each of the barriers in turn, shattering them and leaving only the bars. Within a few seconds, Twilight had already unlocked all of the doors using her own magic, and it didn't take long for Peach to be in Mario's arms, and a tear-soaked Luigi joining them shortly. Sera promptly blinked on top of Hailstorm, and Don practically rolled out of his cell. Applejack greeted Twilight with a high hoof, which she completed hastily as she had something else on her mind.

"Did you really have to _kill_ those guards?!" Twilight questioned as everyone followed Blah down the hall.

"I can't help it if my lance is stronger than a turtle shell," Blah responded casually.

"Didn't you make that lance in the first place?" Hailstorm added.

"Oh come on, I didn't save you guys to have a debate about ethics," Blah griped. "Can't I at least get a 'thank you'?"

"There'll be plenty of time for that when we get out of this castle," Twilight dissented.

"I'm an airplane! Whoosh!" Don exclaimed, his arms sticking straight out as he ran.

The nine of them entered the throne room once again. Kammy was nowhere in sight, but a newly demolished window gave Blah a pretty good idea of where she was. Broshi, just as enraged as ever, had shifted his attention to Bowser, who was covered in numerous dark bruises where Yoshi limbs had been moments before. Astra simply sat against the wall, watching transfixedly.

As soon as Bowser caught sight of the freed prisoners, he squeaked out a barely audible "you've gotta be kidding me" as Broshi continued to knock him around like a bulky ragdoll.

"Hey," called Blah, "Broshi, calm down, we're done here." He held up Kammy's wand. "We can turn her back to normal."

Broshi turned his head mid-punch, noticing everyone for the first time and ceasing his merciless rampage, giving Bowser some time to catch his breath. The Koopa King was far too weak to move by this point.

"Goodness, what happened here?" asked Princess Peach, taken aback by the scene of a Yoshi single-handedly subduing Bowser inside a thoroughly trashed throne room.

"A good ol' fashioned beatdown, I reckon," answered Applejack with a slight chuckle.

Blah walked up to Bowser, waving the wand in his face. "All right, tubby, how do I use this thing to transform people?"

"Heck if I know," the villain grumbled, "I'm not a Magikoopa."

Broshi and Blah exchanged troubled glances before rushing over to the window and looking down. All that existed beneath it was a bubbling lava moat.

Blah looked back at the violet block, then at Twilight. "Well, Twilight, you're an expert of magic."

"You never told us what happened," she refuted. "I can't exactly help you if I don't know what's going on."

"Oh, right," Blah paused. "Well basically, there was this magikoopa that transformed one of our Yoshis into this block, which made Broshi here so angry that he beat her up and apparently sent her through the window and into the lava."

"...so from what I gather," Hailstorm spoke up, "you went and boiled the only one who could fix what got you so angry in the first place?"

Broshi looked down.

"You know, for such a 'cool' Yoshi, you seem to have trouble thinking straight through heavy emotion..." Blah scolded. "...but you can't really blame the guy. His girlfriend had just been saved from a mortal wound and they were having an intimate moment. Who would interrupt such a thing, honestly?"

"Er, h-how intimate are we talking-a here?" Luigi's voice poked through the crowd from the back, warranting stares from nearly every other person in the room.

"Enough to make an old, ugly, single hag jealous," Blah answered dully. "Anyway, we've talked about this enough. We defeated Bowser and Trank, you guys are free, let's just go so we can move on to more important things. And maybe we can figure this block thing out when we get back. One moment." Blah hopped down through the hole in the floor and quickly reclaimed his hammer from under a bookshelf, failing to notice that whatever was left of Trank had disappeared somewhere along the line.

As Blah returned to the upper floor, Astra stood up and stretched. "Well, alright then..."

"How are you guys for teleporting?" Blah asked Twilight and Seraphina.

"I'm not sure," Twilight said. "I've never transported this many bodies at once before."

_"As long as everyone is making physical contact with me, numbers do not matter," _Sera chimed in.

"Okay, good enough. Everyone, crowd around!" Blah called, as he approached Sera.

"This is going to be awkward..." muttered Hailstorm as he reluctantly placed a hoof on Sera's shoulder.

"Hay, y'all," Applejack asserted, "Why can't we just split into halves, let Twi handle one half and Sera the other?"

"Works for me!" Hailstorm flew over Sera and everyone else, landing next to Twilight. "I call shotgun!"

"How does he even know what shotgun means...?" Blah mumbled.

The large group was split arbitrarily down the middle, including the blocky Violet. Broshi remained by her side.

Don Patch headed for the exit. "Don't worry about me guys," he said with a wave, "I was just here for the free food anyway. Turtle soup is delicious!"

There were varying looks of disgust and shock amongst the crowd. "Haha, just messing with ya!" laughed Don as he left. "Later!"

"I will never fully understand him," commented Blah, shaking his head.

"Will you just get out of here already?" Bowser roared impatiently from the ground.

"Fine, whatever, jeez. Sera, Twilight, make with the teleporting." Blah seemed to be a bit more impatient than usual as well. Sera hesitantly complied, followed by Twilight, and the castle was pretty much empty once again.

"I need a vacation..." groaned Bowser.

* * *

><p>As soon as the heroes poofed back into Ponyville, they were met with many relieved citizens happy to see that the plan went down smoothly. Pinkie had already planned out a congratulatory party, which everyone politely turned down. There was far too much to discuss. The gang decided to meet back at the library for a party of their own - a knowledge-exchanging and strategy-buliding party.<p>

"Alright," began Blah, removing his damaged armor and putting it away. "By now, we've all had run-ins with Trank... too bad I was so busy trying to get the upper hand that I couldn't squeeze any information out of him. Anyone find out anything?"

Sera was quick to the draw. _"The moment we met face-to-face with Trank, I noticed that one of the eight disturbances of chaos was coming directly from him."_

"Hang on," Twilight interrupted, "are you implying that the Jewel of Universe was contained within Trank?"

"Oh, crap," Blah interjected, scratching his head. "I forgot all about those jewels... but I totally dominated Trank back there, surely that broke the jewel?"

"Excuse me..." Peach uttered, a look of total confusion on her face, "but what's a 'jewel of universe'?"

"Basically these gems that are patching the universes together and if we break them something good will probably happen," Blah quickly explained, garnering concerned looks from her and the Mario brothers.

"If I had to guess," Hailstorm added, "I'd say Trank and Bowser teamed up so that Trank could better protect himself, if he does have the jewel, and help Bowser snag Peach in return... but it didn't work out so well for either of them in the end, hehe!"

_"I am not sure about that one," _Sera continued. _"I can still detect eight distinct points. The jewel still exists."_

"No way," Blah voiced skeptically. "I poked a huge hole in him and shoved a bomb in it. There's no way he could've survived that."

"Seems like it'd take a lot more than that to break a jewel that binds an entire dimension," Twilight countered. "We may not have access to that kind of power yet."

"Well, I guess that's what Sburb is for, then," Blah concluded. "We'll acquire power through questing and fighting minions, then use the loot to create more powerful weaponry and such. Chances are, that's how we were meant to fix the universes anyway."

"Yoshi..." muttered the restless Broshi, leaning against his cubic girlfriend.

"Oh, right, before we get into anything too world-changing..." Blah glanced at the bookshelves lining the walls of the library. "Got anything on transformation magic?"

"Doubtful," Twilight answered, pulling out a few books with her telekinesis and flipping quickly through them. "Transformation is one of the more... equivocal branches of magic. Hardly anypony's practiced it, due to how dangerous it can be."

Blah cringed slightly at the mention of the word "anypony" but he decided not to say anything about it this time. "Well, let me know if you ever come up with anything," Blah sighed. "I should work on getting this session together. Oh, and Sera," he added, turning towards the Abra, "Give Peach and the plumbers a lift home, wouldja? They've got enough to worry about as it is."

_"Affirmative."_ Sera, in one smooth motion, teleported on top of Mario's head, grabbing Peach and Luigi's shoulders, and the four of them disappeared before anything more could be said. Sera reappeared a few seconds later on Blah's piggyback.

"Shoot, y'all make it look so easy," Applejack complimented, still startled by Sera's skills.

_"It is what we are born doing," _dismissed the Pokemon.

"Alright, Hail, I want you to go back to your house, wherever it is," Blah commanded. "You'll need it - yes, your entire house - for the game. I'll send you a computer as soon as I can get a hold of one."

"Hang on," cut in Hailstorm, "I never agreed to-"

"Astra," Blah continued, "I take it you have a residence of some kind? Hopefully a computer as well?"

"Of course," she nodded.

"Sera, where did you take up residence before we met?"

_"I had no permanent dwelling when I lived among the wild," _she explained, _"but I know of an abandoned shack in the woods. Will that suffice?"_

"Well enough, I think," Blah confirmed. "So yeah, first order of business is to get accomodatedDragon into the medium - what is her real name, if I might ask?"

"Bellia," replied Astra.

"Hmm, that sounds kind of familiar..." muttered Blah. "But, they all do nowadays. Anyway, you'll be her server player. I'll let you recruit your other friend to be your server, then Hailstorm can serve them I guess, I'll serve Hail, and Sera can serve me."

"I still don't know what any of this means..." Hailstorm was becoming quite anxious at Blah's seemingly haphazard use of him in his plans.

"And then, we'll need an eighth player, cause Skaia doesn't do odd numbers to my knowledge, and also there are 8 jewels so it makes sense. But who..." Blah rubbed his chin.

"I'd offer to fill the position," Twilight spoke up, "but I get the feeling you'll be needing me elsewhere. Besides, I don't know the first thing about computers."

"Neither do I..." Hail reminded everyone.

"I think, since all of the other players that I know of are original characters created by or relating to me, the final player has to be one too," Blah deduced. "...which is really weird now that I think about it. Seriously, what's up with that? I can think of a hundred people in this dimension that would be better suited than HIM..." he thumbed at Hail behind his back.

"I'm right here, you know!" he shouted. "And I still haven't agreed to this!"

_"Who else do you know of that fits that description?" _asked Sera.

"...Yo." Everyone looked over at Broshi, whose volunteering arm was in the air. "Yoshi."

"Hah! Why didn't I think of that sooner?" Blah beamed. "Sweet, I'm going to play Sburb with a Yoshi... and a pony, and an Abra, and apparently a dragon, and my twin sister that I never had... I'm going to alchemize so much stuff... gonna go God Tier and totally wreck everything... I bet I'm a space player... a knight, even!" Blah seemed to be rambling to himself now, forgetting that anyone else was in the room.

"Is he always like this?" Twilight asked as Blah continued to babble in the background, telling his entire adventure as if it already happened.

_"There is never any telling how he will act next," _Sera admitted. _"There is occasionally a cloud of darkness surrounding his conscious that I cannot read him through."_

"Yeah, there's pretty much no way I'm sticking around," Hailstorm dismissed himself. "I don't care if he's the hero. I won't be his game slave. When he comes to, tell him he can find somepony - or someBODY else." He emphasized the second-to-last syllable out of spite and flew out of the window, leaving everyone but Blah to stare.

_"Hm. Come to think of it, I am rather skeptical as to why Blah wants him in particular to play." _Sera blinked on top of one of the bookshelves, laying down in thought. _"If it's a matter of repairing the universes, would he not want 8 of the most experienced heroes among them?"_

"From what I gathered..." Astra began, "...it's not even for us to decide. The game chooses its own players, as if by fate... after all, my two friends just so happened to stumble across it after visiting a strange, ancient temple... and my first meeting with him couldn't have been a coincidence, I mean look at the two of us... maybe Blah's right to be adamant about his ideas?"

Twilight sighed. "Well... I didn't used to believe in things like fate. Not before coming to Ponyville and meeting 5 ponies with whom I became the best of friends, and we saved the world from eternal darkness using the Elements of Harmony..." Applejack wore a proud smile. "So perhaps you're right. Fate is in the process of bringing the 8 of you together so that you can unite and become something greater than the sum of its parts, and restore all of our universes back to their original states. And we may never know why you were the chosen ones until the deed has already been done. I know, I felt the same way too at first, but all you have to do is put a little faith in your friends. All will fall into place in due time."

"Couldn'ta said it any better mahself," Applejack supported.

"...so you really think it's fate, huh?" Hailstorm re-entered the library through the same window. "As crazy as this all sounded, I still had a feeling there was a reason behind it. Blah may be strange, but since we did defeat that Eater of Worlds together, and he sure didn't let us down at the castle, I guess he can be trusted... Ok, I'll play."

"-then we'll take down an invincible demon with our alternate universe selves!" Blah stopped, suddenly having run out of things to say. "Wow, it's quiet in here..." he mumbled, acting as if the past 5 minutes never happened. "You guys look like something deep just went down. What's up?"

"Of course, that still doesn't make putting up with him easy," Hail said with a roll of his eyes.

* * *

><p>}"It appears that Trank was bested in combat."{<p>

|"Heh, like it matters! He still managed to buy us enough time to carry out the next part of the plan... in other words, my part!"|

}"I trust you remember what to do."{

|"Duh! I've been waiting for this moment ever since HE got here!"|

_"Good, 'cause if she didn't, we might have to explain it again! Gee, wouldn't that be convenient?"_

~"Convenient? For whom, if I may ask?"~

_"I'm not breaking the fourth wall! Jeez, get off my back about it!"_

~"What the devil are you talking-"~

}"Silence. This is the most crucial phase of the mission. We cannot afford to fool around now."{

|"I'm on my way, boss!"|

* * *

><p>- spacefaringPioneer [SP] began pestering discotasticJubilation [DJ] at 8:09 -<p>

SP: I know that you are probably busy...  
>SP: But we have urgent need of your assistance...<br>DJ: yo space dawg, DJ is not too busy and can totally help you out!  
>DJ: wassup! 8P<br>SP: I'm sure you've heard of the game that Reed and Bellia are playing?...  
>DJ: yeah sis, DJ hears they be havin a real party over there!<br>DJ: DJ been pestered now and then with some wicked status  
>DJ: this game sounds trippy man! 8O<br>SP: According to a new friend of mine, it is indeed trippy...  
>SP: Regardless, the game turned out to be much deeper than we thought...<br>SP: We need another player, and my new friend says that you are an excellent candidate...  
>DJ: yo, DJ's the greatest candidate for just about anything!<br>DJ: this mixmaster will rock your socks up and down the docks, bro! 8D  
>DJ: just what is the degree of depth we talkin here?<br>SP: Deep enough to be apocalyptic...  
>DJ: whoa man, talk about intense!<br>DJ: the world's end is just about the only thing that can stop the sweet strawberry jams from happenin  
>DJ: and you know DJ won't have none of that, so count him in dawg! 8P<br>SP: Awesome... Add desultoryMonarch to your chumroll and message him for further instructions...  
>DJ: you got it sis!<br>DJ: just remember that DJ works at his own pace  
>DJ: can't go foolin with the tempo of the sickest beats!<br>SP: Of course...  
>DJ: man why you always gotta be such a downer<br>DJ: them dots got me tied up in knots over here 8C  
>SP: It's just how I type... We've been over this...<br>DJ: doesn't mean you can't show a little emotion once in a while!...  
>DJ: gonna play a fresh game, gonna have a chill time~ 8D<br>DJ: just like old times, huh sis?  
>SP: I hope so...<br>SP: I'll talk to you later... I have to set things up on my end...  
>DJ: peace out dawg!<br>DJ: don't worry, be happy!

- spacefaringPioneer [SP] ceased pestering discotasticJubilation [DJ] -

* * *

><p><strong>and now, time for bed.<br>**

**By the way, don't be afraid to review! Love it or hate it, I can't tell if I'm doing it right unless I get a bit of feedback once in a while. I may even be inspired to work faster and harder! ;L  
><strong>

**this isn't begging I promise  
><strong>

**god I'm tired it's like 4 AM and why am I still typing  
><strong>


	29. Hiding in Plain Sight

Chapter 29: Hiding in Plain Sight

Blah stepped back, looking up at his latest accomplishment: a large, dark brown brick building (mudstone, to be exact; crafted from dirt and stone, the two most abundant building materials ever) with a pointed gray brick roof. This latest addition to Blahtown didn't take very long at all with Hailstorm, Seraphina, and Broshi's help.

It was large enough that Blah was able to fit a bed, a dresser, a table and several chairs, as well as a grandfather clock, not to mention the typical crafting workstation of a workbench, furnace and anvil, and a handful of chests, into which Blah stuffed all of the remaining building material and his old weapons. He even used copper chandeliers to light it up. There was a large area of the room intentionally left empty.

"This'll probably be the house I use to enter the game with," Blah explained. "I'll also probably get a new NPC soon. An Arms Dealer would be perfect..."

"Yeah yeah," panted an impatient Hailstorm, "how long until we actually get to that game, anyway?"

"Astra will ping me every time a new player enters the medium under her watch," Blah answered. "When Astra herself enters, that's when you'll go back to your place and connect to her friend... and I just remembered I forgot to find out what his name is... or his chumhandle for that matter..."

Blah fished his laptop out of his backpack. "Speaking of which, I should probably figure out some way to keep my battery charged... and make sure everyone has their strife specibus and fetch modus... you can't really do alchemy without captchalogue cards..." He cycled through some more obscure terminology and various ways to prepare for them as he opened his computer and booted it up.

Hail waited about 30 seconds before becoming bored and interrupting Blah from his latest ramble. "Ok, stop for a second," he ordered, "and just tell us what we should all do first."

Blah stopped for more than a second as his computer sorted out its programs. "Well, er... Weapons, we all need to pick a type of weapon to start with. I'll stick with my hammers, and lances too if I can."

_"I am in no need of a weapon," _Sera denied. _"My skills as a psychic Pokemon have served me well, and will continue to do so."_

"But... you can't upgrade psionics in this game," Blah warned. "You'd best get used to something physical or else you won't be able to keep up when the real fun starts. Like, a staff, maybe."

_"My body is too physically weak to use such objects effectively," _the Abra contested. _"Besides, all Pokemon level up and increase in strength naturally."_

"Oh... fine," Blah pouted. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it I guess. Hailstorm?"

The pegasus jolted up from staring curiously at Blah's screen. "Uh, crossbow?"

"Right, right, crossbow," Blah acknowledged. "And that leaves Broshi..." He turned towards the Yoshi, or in this case, the spot where the Yoshi used to be. "Wait, where'd he go?"

"I... wasn't paying attention," Hail admitted, still trying to make sense of Blah's wallpaper.

As Blah turned his head a second time, he suddenly found himself staring at the business end of a gold broadsword, a few inches away from his nose. He froze up, afraid to make any sudden movements, until he realized that the blade was being held by Broshi, also wielding a confident smirk. Cody the Guide was standing right behind him.

"He asked me how to make a sword, so I told him," Cody spoke through a mischievous grin.

"He... asked you?" Blah repeated, confused and still caught off guard by the weapon's proximity to his face. "And you understood him...?"

"I know a lot about this world," the guide said matter-of-factly as he walked casually back towards his wooden house, which was now dwarfed by the three more advanced buildings nearby.

It took a few seconds for the idea to click in Blah's head. "Wait, that must mean..." He rushed up alongside him. "Can you tell me how to make a generator for the laptop? And also how to get a fetch modus or a strife specibus?"

"He never explained what those even are..." muttered Hail under his breath.

"Heh... of course," Cody affirmed. "It's just a simple crafting recipe." He held up a large green book entitled "Data Structures and Advanced Machinery from Scratch".

"Wow..." Blah grabbed the book and flipped through a few pages showing complex diagrams, composed of familiar item pictures. "Where did you even pick up on all of this? I never had access to any of this high-tech crap when I played Terraria..."

"I never had access to any of these books before, either," the guide reflected, taking back the book. "Let's just say I know a guy. Or girl, in this case."

It only took Blah a few seconds to make the connection. He laughed joyously. "Twilight, you are the greatest. Ok, let's start with the generator... what do we need?"

"40 iron bars, 30 copper, and 10 meteorite."

"That's it? I can live with that..." Blah fished the materials out of his storage chest. After a few minutes of Cody relaying instructions, Blah had fashioned a relatively small hand-crank generator with a stationary plug that fit into the power intake of his computer. "This is... eerily compatible," Blah noted.

Cody chuckled. "Hey man, I don't make the rules. I just read them."

Blah began turning the crank... and turning, and turning, and turning, keeping an eye on the battery indicator on the laptop, currently sitting at 74% and unmoving. Blah persistently kept cranking, however, and just before he was about to give up, the bar rose to 75%. It had taken him a good 15 seconds to make any sort of impact on the machine.

"Er..." Blah crunched some numbers in his head. "This'll take half an hour of straight cranking to charge it up from zero to full..."

"Hey man, the rules, I don't make them," repeated Cody.

"Well, you could use the exercise, am I right?" Hailstorm joked. "A little manual labor never hurt anyone!"

"Unless they kept at it long enough to make them sore," Blah riposted. "Let's move on to the other stuff... how would I go about making a fetch modus?"

Cody laughed again. "One does not simply make a fetch modus."

"What, what are you talking about?" Blah panicked. "How am I supposed to carry and alchemize items...?"

"Here," Cody said, picking up and handing Blah one of the leftover iron bars. "Store this in your backpack."

Blah stared down at the bar for a while. "Ok, haha, very funny," he sarcastically droned, reaching for the iron bar. "I know I can store stuff in my backpack, but I can't see codes without cards and I can't create items without codes." As he talked, the bar disappeared from his hand. He didn't realize this until well after he had finished. "...wait."

He reached into his backpack, thinking that perhaps he had spaced out for a moment and forgot that he put the bar away, but he did not feel anything bar-shaped. Instead, he felt something else, something new. He pulled out a small card with a brown outline and a zigzag shape cut out of the top right corner. On it was a picture of an iron bar.

"...whoa," breathed Blah. Hailstorm was equally shocked.

"The Backpack Modus," mused Cody, "the fetch modus you have been using this entire time. You can access any of the top ten cards, and store up to 30 more under them. Quite an impressive modus, really, the only downside is that strife cards take up slots in the backpack."

Blah casually flipped the card over to see a whirling spectrum of colors, covering distorted and barely legible text which read "YObwEuYd".

"Wow." Blah stuffed the card back in his backpack. "I guess that means I have a bunch of different strife specibi already too?"

Cody nodded. "Warhammrkind, lancekind, and crossbowkind. You can't see them, but they're there."

"And me?" cut in Hailstorm. "Do I already have some of these fetch... strife... whatchamacallits?"

"You don't have a fetch modus on you, but you do have crossbowkind and hoofkind," Cody explained. "Do you have some kind of portable storage item at home?"

"Some saddlebags, but..."

"Great, the Saddlebag Modus," the know-it-all continued, "works a lot like the Stack Modus, only you have 2 stacks and your cards are divided among them evenly. In other words, you can only retrieve the top item of each stack and the others are trapped underneath until you use the ones above it." Hailstorm blinked, trying to process all of the information being thrown at him at once.

"Gee, now you're going to tell me that Broshi has some kind of egg modus..." Blah guessed.

"You're wising up already," Cody complimented, at which Blah facepalmed. "Works like a Queue, wherein the first item put into it is the first item that can be retrieved. This particular sylladex is one of the easiest to weaponize. Broshi also has bladekind." The orange reptile glared testily at Cody as if he had already known all of this.

"Ok ok ok, we get it." Blah sighed. "Basically just everyone keep doing what you've been doing and don't worry about the finer details too much."

"Heheh. You could've saved everyone 10 minutes by just saying that," remarked the guide.

"Wah, you done? I've been waiting for ages here for SOMEONE to notice me..."

Everyone turned to look at the new, squealy voice. It belonged to none other than Waluigi.

"Waluigi? What are you doing here?" asked Blah.

"What does it LOOK like," the tall wafer snapped, indicating his suitcases. "I'm-a moving in! You strike me as the type of guy who loves a good kaboom every now and then, wah?"

"Well I guess but-"

"Shut up, you know that's true, you already bought 10 bombs from me and blasted a path straight to Bowser with 'em." He dropped the suitcases onto the table, pulled out one of the chairs and leaned back in it, making himself at home rather forcibly.

"Ohhhh, I see, you're the Demolitionist," Blah identified hesitantly. "Welcome aboard then... I think..."

"Wah!"

**Waluigi the Demolitionist has arrived!**

"So, it's just you?" Blah asked curiously. "No Wario?"

"Don't-a mention that name around me!" detonated Waluigi, a strange fire in his eyes. "We've went our separate ways... wah..." He looked away, folding his arms.

Blah promptly decided not to press him, instead turning back to his laptop and firing up Pesterchum. After a terse and, on her part, hasty conversation with Astra, Blah added the chumhandle of his final co-player to his chumrole and sent him an introductory message...

* * *

><p>- desultoryMonarch [DM] began pestering discotasticJubilation [DJ] at 9:38 -<p>

DM: yo, DJ  
>DJ: yo yourself, broski! what's shakin? 8D<br>DM: not much man, just making sure we're on the same page about the game and all  
>DM: everyone's sort of in a rush so let's make this as fast and painless as possible<br>DJ: DJ isn't sure what all kind of hurtin a friendly conversation can do, but DJ digs  
>DM: first, introductions<br>DM: the name's Blahsadfeguie, but you can call me Blah  
>DM: and yes, I know it's kind of a strange name<br>DJ: that's totally cool, Blah dawg  
>DJ: hey, can DJ call you Brosadfeguie? 8P<br>DM: hah, sure go ahead :L  
>DJ: sweet like a beat!<br>DJ: DJ usually goes by the stage name of DJ, but his real name is just as hyped~  
>DM: and that would be?<br>DM: uh, hello?

- discotasticJubilation [DJ] has lost connection -

DM: o~o

* * *

><p>How conveniently inconvenient. And just when Blah was getting to like the guy too. He supposed that people with real internet connections were still perfectly capable of getting real connection problems.<p>

"Hmph." Blah dejectedly set the laptop on the table. "Well, I guess there's another thing I could do to prepare... I sure haven't done any solid spelunking in a while. Maybe I'll try and get enough gold to fully armor everyone before the big game."

"Now that's something I can understand," Hailstorm volunteered. "I'm in."

_"The more the merrier, as they say," _Seraphina opened up.

"Yoshi," agreed Broshi, picking up his sword.

Blah looked at the Guide and the Demolitionist. "Can I trust you two to keep this laptop powered and respond if DJ comes back online?"

"You CAN," Cody answered rather ambiguously.

Blah sighed. "WILL you keep this laptop powered and respond if DJ comes back on?"

"Wah, whatever," Waluigi complied. "I'll be bored either way."

"Thank you. Now, let's get to digging! I'm sure there are a few branches in this cave that I haven't explored..." Blah and his three companions left the small town to enter the familiar cave.

* * *

><p>SP: Wow... You really weren't kidding about the chairs...<p>

Astra sat in her rather large, one-room living quarters propped up against a particularly massive broken rocket engine. Her high-tech computer, which did not originally belong to her, was currently showing a complex game interface around a clear vision of a castle interior. The room was filled with so many chairs of different color, design, and era that one would find more places to sit than to walk. The room reminded her of her own room, which was equally occupied by gigantic hunks of scrap metal that looked as hard to carry around as they were to repair. The two collections rivaled each other in size.

AD: It's great that you're admiring my chair collection, but I think we have more important things to do.  
>SP: Right... sorry... where did you go?...<br>AD: I am in the great hall. Please deploy the equipment as quickly as possible and as close together as possible.  
>AD: And don't worry about breaking too much stuff. It kind of happens. I'll deal with it.<p>

Astra, still trying to familiarize herself with the interface, fumbled around the castle, spying rooms filled with medieval-styled weaponry and armor, small rooms that were probably meant to serve as soldier quarters, a sparring room, and a mess hall. A few extra chairs had been stored here and there, but the entire structure was run-down and devoid of intelligent life - maybe a few cockroaches, but nothing else. Eventually, she stumbled into the largest room of the castle: the great hall, where she found her first sentient being. The sight of this life-form took her completely by surprise.

A bulky, green-scaled dragon lounged in the middle on the faded ornate rug, curled up in front of a small obsolete computer that looked as ancient as the building it was housed in. She (if Astra hadn't already known, discerning this reptiloid's gender would be quite a task) was at least 10 feet tall/long and looked far too big to sit in most of the chairs she had collected. Bellia gazed at the screen neutrally, with just a hint of suppressed impatience.

SP: Is that...  
>AD: Yes, it's me. Not as cute as you thought I was, huh?<p>

The indication of a dragon typing on a keyboard with the efficiency of a human teenager was enough to rouse a slight chuckle from Astra beyond the bewilderment.

AD: Anyway, the 'Deploy' menu should be the third from the left. The starting machines are in there, as well as a pre-punched card.

Astra manipulated the game's octagonal cursor to select the various machines in turn and drop them unceremoniously around the great hall, followed by the aforementioned card.

AD: Cool. Watch and learn, you'll need to do this eventually.  
>SP: Okay...<p>

Bellia immediately sprang into action, pulling a metal folding chair out of nowhere and smashing the lid off of the tubular machine with a valve. A countdown displayed on the machine, starting at 1 and just 1 second shy of a half minutes. A patterned, glowing sphere emerged from the device, followed closely by a pale green, shiny cylinder upon a turn of the crank. As she set the cylinder into the apparatus that resembled a sewing machine, she kicked a dead cockroach at the flashing sphere, replacing the patterns upon it with an abstracted image of a roach head. The events were being executed nearly faster than Astra could take mental note of them.

SP: I'd say slow down, but I'm not sure if you have the time for that...

The countdown now read 0:59 as the dragon carefully inserted the card into a slot on the sewing machine, causing a needle to descend and carve peculiar curves and chasms into the cylinder. As soon as the cylinder stopped moving, Bellia removed it and set it on top of a side platform of the biggest device. An arm extended, curving around to scan the cylinder with a small red laser. There was a flash of light, and upon the great round surface of the machine was a simple green chair that matched the hue of the cylinder. Bellia paused for a few seconds to revel in its beauty.

SP: ...so I just helped you make a shiny new chair?...

Snapping out of it, the dragon snatched up the chair in both hands, turned around, and to Astra's astonishment, smashed it to pieces on the floor.

The screen went black.

* * *

><p>A trail of bones, slime, and shredded bats, illuminated by the warm red glow of scattered lava pools, led to a squadron composed of a potpourri of different species, slashing, smashing, and shooting their way through the depths of the underground. The human was quick to snatch up any traces of the sparkling yellow metal with his pickaxe as his companions, the pegasus, the Abra, and the Yoshi, took out any slimes, skeletons, and bats that would dare try to interrupt his mad material-gathering motion.<p>

Building a brisk barricade in a corner of the cave, safely stowing all four of them inside, Blah took a moment to check his current stash while the others took a much-needed breather.

"A couple hundred pieces so far..." mused Blah, tallying up the numbers on his captchalogue cards (a much faster action than counting each piece by hand). Each card capped out at 99 chunks of gold ore, so Blah did his best to limit the other forms of loot that he had picked up. He did, however, manage to shatter 3 additional life crystals, which he was quick to share with his team. He had already forgotten how he used them in light of the amount of trouble his first one gave him before, but nobody was complaining.

"How many will that suit?" Hailstorm asked, stretching his legs and wings.

"Well... bars are made from 4 ore each..." Blah recalled. "And one full set of armor requires 90 bars total."

_"So for one person, we'll need 360 pieces of ore," _Sera calculated, quick to aid with the math. _"To fully equip all three of us lacking gold armor, we will need 1080 ore total."_

"Yoshi..." lamented Broshi, who was already exhausted from the venture.

"Jeez, I don't think there's enough gold in this neck of the earth for that..." Blah leaned against the rock wall.

Suddenly, there was a click from behind him. Before anyone could question the noise, a large section of the rock detonated, destroying the wall and a lot of the floor. Everyone, including Hailstorm who was too taken by surprise to react, fell through the newly-created chasm from which a sinister red light pulsed.

"What the heeeck?!" Blah shouted, his words echoing eerily about the ashen cliffs as the crew fell past them and onto an island surrounded by a sea of magma. The heat engulfed all four heroes without sparing them a second, and none of them found the strength to get up.

"Wh-where in Celestia's name are we...?!" Hailstorm asked, breaking into a heavy sweat - and not just from the heat. The dark caves loomed far above, and below was an endless ocean of molten rock dotted with isolated chunks of ash and red hot rock, and the occasional purple-bricked structure sticking out of the lava. In the distance, some large, dark figures with visible pointed wings flew about ominously.

"This... This is the Underworld..." Blah stuttered. "Also known as... Hell."

* * *

><p>- spacefaringPioneer [SP] began pestering desultoryMonarch [DM] -<p>

SP: Blah...  
>SP: Bellia is in.<br>SP: Are you there?...  
>DM: wAH THIS IS Wahluigi blAHSAdfegwAH IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW<br>SP: ...  
>DM: SORRY I KEEP WAhcking cAPS LOCK BY WAhccident<br>SP: ...  
>DM: wAH<br>SP: ...  
>DM: Wah<br>SP: ...  
>DM: Sorry about that. Watching him type was physically painful.<br>SP: I felt it too...  
>SP: Wait, who is this then?...<br>DM: Cody. The Guide.  
>SP: Ah...<br>DM: Blah figured he could get some last-second mining in before he entered the game.  
>DM: I'll give him the scoop when he comes back.<br>SP: Okay... Also... I've been trying to contact DJ, my server player... but he's not online...  
>DM: He apparently lost connection while Blah was talking to him.<br>SP: Weird... That never happened before...  
>DM: Interesting.<br>SP: How is it interesting?...  
>DM: I'm interested in a lot of things.<br>SP: You made it sound like you know something about it...  
>DM: I know a lot of things.<br>SP: Well... okay, how about this: do you know what's up with DJ?...  
>DM: He's a vegetable.<br>SP: ...  
>DM: Don't you have a client to manage?<br>SP: ...  
>SP: I'll talk to you some other time.<p>

- spacefaringPioneer [SP] ceased pestering desultoryMonarch [DM] -

* * *

><p>"Wow, what's her deal?" the Guide said with a laugh. "She'd know that if she met him already."<p>

"Know wah?" Waluigi was huddled in the corner of the house, playing some game on his 3DS.

"Nevermind," dismissed Cody casually. "Say, is it getting warmer in here?"

* * *

><p><strong>I had more written, but it was getting kind of long so I decided to break at an earlier point and post it. Next chapter may be up sooner. Or not. Who knows!<strong>

**And if you're reading this in the future when all of this is irrelevant... where the hell is my flying car?!  
><strong>


	30. You'll Never Could Face the Flame

**Remember when I said the next chapter would be out quicker than usual?**

**I lied.**

**Here it is though, so please enjoy nonetheless!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 30: You'll Never Could Face the Flame<p>

The atmosphere had him and everyone else pinned down. Blah may have been here countless times when he played Terraria, but he had only explored it with a virtual life. As the memory of each monster he had encountered in that artificial environment surfaced, Blah felt his skin grow a little bit paler upon imagining them larger-than-life trying to claw and singe his own face off. "S-Sera... I'd greatly appreciate it if you teleported us all out of here pronto... we're not ready for this yet..."

There was no response from the Abra. It was hard to tell if she was even conscious by the way she lay sprawled out on the ash. Blah gulped, forcing something the size of a rock down his throat. "Hail... fly us back?"

Hail spread his wings and took off into the sweltering air. The sheer temperature was hugely draining on his muscles, however, and he couldn't stay airborne for long before having to land again. "It's a no go. I'm not used to flying in this kind of heat..."

Before Blah could attempt to think of another way out, he heard a high-pitched squeal. Blah and Hail turned to look at Broshi frantically swatting at a firey bat with his sword. Blah wasn't sure whether the noise came from him or the bat. A bolt flew from Hail's crossbow as he tried to help, but the hellbat was too fast for both of them and it swooped down to bite Broshi in the head. A reflexive counter-swing on Broshi's part connected with the bat, slicing one of its wings and stunning it long enough for Hail to land a bolt straight through its heart. The bat was dead before it hit the lava.

"...and that's just the first of many," Blah muttered. "We need to dig a shelter." He grabbed his pickaxe and briskly dug down into their island. As he worked, more bats descended from the sky and rose from the lava. Broshi and Hailstorm worked hard to keep them off of Blah and Sera, as well as themselves, but they took plenty of burning scratches and cuts in the process.

Finally, Blah popped his head out of the hole. "Come on!" he shouted, waving them in. Hailstorm gently grabbed Sera by the tail and dragged her in as Broshi stabbed through one last bat before backpedaling towards the hasted hideaway and ducking inside.

The room was large enough to house the four of them at least, and Blah had uncovered some of the glowing red rock which provided fair lighting. Blah took some of the ash he had mined and used it to barricade the entrance to the chamber. He then rooted through his backpack for two more potions and passed them to Broshi and Hailstorm, who gratefully drank away their wounds.

"Whew..." Hail breathed. "Guess we're stuck here until Sera wakes up, huh..." He looked over towards the glowing ore quizzically. "Hey, while we're here... what is this stuff?"

"That's Hellstone," Blah answered. "It's a really powerful material, but mining it leaves behind lava for some reason."

Hail flinched at the thought of this small chamber filling up with lava. "Yipe... nevermind then."

Blah held up his hand. "Actually, maybe if I dug a pit for the lava to fall into we might be able to grab some of it..." Blah began to dig carefully around the rock, hollowing out a large swimming pool-shaped pit below the cluster.

"Are you sure about this...?" the pegasus asked.

"Don't worry, I've done this before, sorta," Blah assured him, though it was apparent that he was overplaying his own confidence. He continued to expand the basin.

Suddenly, Hail shrieked. "Behind you!" Blah did an about-face to see a sparking, large-eared and long-tailed red humanoid behind him at the edge of the newly-dug ditch. With a malicious grin, the imp held up its hand and shot a fireball at Blah, who deflected it hysterically with his pickaxe. He continued to swing at the imp as if he was still digging through the ash, pinning it against the wall until the strength had been mined out of it and it flopped over. Blah panted heavily.

"Fire imps..." he strained, stuck in a mid-swing pose. "I forgot they could teleport into chambers like this one given enough room..."

"So it's not even safe in here?!" Hail inferred, shrinking against the wall as if anticipating another imp to appear at any moment.

"Not entirely... but it's safer than being out there..." Blah said, returning to digging in the ditch. It was already fairly large, and the bottom of it was starting to look more like a tunnel. Occasionally, Blah would feel the walls or ceiling of the chamber and adjust his digging towards the colder areas to avoid accidentally breaching the sides or bottom of the lava ocean.

"Do you think that's big enough...?" Hail asked, hopping into the pit and following him. "How much lava are you expecting, anyway?"

"You can never be too sure. Also, I kinda want to see if I can dig to a larger island..." There was a loud tink as his pickaxe hit something a bit more solid than compacted ash. Rubbing the wall, he could make out some dark-purple bricks. "Or that. That actually works." He put his hand against the bricks, and they were surprisingly cool... relatively-speaking of course. Taking a deep breath, Blah began to chip away at the bricks, Hail watching his back tensely.

By the time Blah had a large-enough hole to look inside, he saw a crazed yellow-eyed stare looking back at him. "Heads up!" Blah warned, switching out to his lance just before the imp teleported on the other side of Hailstorm. A fireball shot through the narrow tunnel, and Hail pressed himself against the side to dodge it as he loaded his crossbow. Blah dispelled the fire with his lance as Hail fired a bolt at the imp, stunning it. The human dashed past his equestrian friend and impaled the flaming foe with his lance, finishing it off.

"Get used to that," Blah advised, returning to digging as quickly as he could while Hail pre-emptively loaded another bolt into his weapon.

Soon enough, Broshi hasted down the tunnel himself, carrying Seraphina, who was barely holding on. "Sera!" Hail greeted, noting that the Abra was at least awake. "Are you ok?"

_"My mind's reach... is severely weakened..." _Sera's voice echoed quietly through everyone else's heads. _"Dark presence... too strong..."_

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you can't teleport," Blah said pessimistically, clearing out a few stray bricks from the now passable entrance into the building.

_"No..."_ Sera's blunt answer made Blah flinch. Even he could feel that she had to push harder than normal just to communicate.

"Great, how are we going to get out of here now?" Hail sighed as everyone filed into the room. "Unless there's a magical staircase in here, it's starting to look kind of impossible..."

Blah looked around the room. There were several large pots all over the place, and there were gaps in the ceiling and floor. On the walls were torches giving off a dim purple light. Blah made a beeline for the pots, smashing each one open with his hammer. Most of them dropped coins, but there were a handful of bombs and a healing potion. "Darn... oh well, next floor I guess."

"What are we looking for exactly?" Hail queried, brushing aside some of the pot debris with his hoof.

"Hell may be home to demons and boiling death," Blah explained, grabbing a handful of ash blocks and building a crude staircase out of them, "but it has its fair share of treasures too."

He climbed the staircase and poked his head above the overhanging room. He was immediately met with the blank white gaze of a horned, winged devil. With a roar, the demon held back its clawed hand, gave it a spun and gathered dark energy around it, which took the shape of a curled scythe. However, Blah was gone long before he could register that much detail and the scythe collided with the bricks above him with a loud POP and dissipated.

Blah's pale expression was a good clue to his party as to what had just tried to violently decapitate him, as well as the loud disorderly fluttering of the beast mobilizing. "G-get your crossbow ready," Blah commanded, but Hailstorm was way ahead of him. With shaky forelegs, the archer trained his weapon on the opening between floors, waiting for the slightest hint of movement.

First came a claw, wrapping around the edge, and then came the monstrosity's head, across which clipped an unholy bolt that tore unholier flesh. Another roar and the demon scrambled down the ashen steps, another shadowy scythe at the ready, but fortunately Broshi was even more so. He went berserk, glints of purple light from his sword and his shades marking each blow until the demon lay mangled on the brick floor. "Yoshi..." panted the reptilian warrior. Even Hail was impressed.

"And that was just one..." Blah muttered, half under his breath. "We've got to hurry." Quickly but cautiously, Blah once again climbed the stairs so he could get a better look at the former nest of the demon. More pots, but as he turned to report his lack of findings, a familiar red glow caught his eye - and this time it was a good kind of familiar. A hellstone-brick fireplace, complete with fire. "Sweet, found a hellforge!" he cried excitedly, enticing Hailstorm and Broshi, still with Sera in tow, to escalate and take a gander.

"Why would you need a fireplace in Hell?" Hail discredited.

"So that it doesn't freeze over," Blah answered mockingly. "Anyway, this is the only kind of furnace you can smelt Hellstone bars in. So, it's coming with us." Instinctively, he pulled out his hammer to collect the forge, but he paused as he realized how silly it was to smash things in order to pick them up. Instead, he just captchalogued it. With the Hellforge card safely tucked away inside his backpack, he then proceeded to smash all of the pots on that level and pick up whatever fell out.

"Still no hellfire arrows..." Blah muttered, pocketing the coinage and solitary healing potion. "Or bolts... if those even exist down here..." He started to build another makeshift staircase.

"So are we ever going to mine that hellstone?" Hail reminded Blah curiously.

"Oh... heheh, right," Blah laughed, shoving the rest of his ash into the hole in the ceiling to seal it off. "Though I think I'll have to dig even deeper or else this building will fill up with lava."

"Yoshi..." Broshi called attention to himself, indicating the weakened Abra on his back.

Blah stopped. Broshi had a point, or at least from what he thought he was trying to say. They were in such a hostile environment, which they lacked the proper equipment to deal with, and yet Blah couldn't resist snatching up some treasure while he was here. There was a point where survival exceeded efficiency on the scale of priorities.

"You're right... we should focus on escaping alive," Blah agreed. "Maybe we'll come back later, but we're just too underleveled for this area now. If you'll excuse the gaming term," he added nervously.

Hail looked back at the entrance to the building that they made. "It seems like such a waste though..."

Blah snapped at the pegasus, causing him to recoil. "Is there anything you do that isn't questioning me?!"

"Jeez, relax," Hail responded. "I'm just saying, if we're going to be sucked into playing this game or whatever, we might not get a chance to come back here..."

"But," Blah refuted, "In the game, we'll have access to a system that can make equipment far better than what you can obtain down here..." Blah trailed off, suddenly getting an idea. "Wait, that's right! With alchemy, all we need is one hellstone bar and we can make more if we need to... or just combine it with our existing gear to jump straight to the end product!"

"Hang on a mo-" Hailstorm was cut off by Blah's evil eye. "Alright, alright, let's go with your idea..."

"You guys watch my six," Blah ordered. "I'll grab just enough hellstone to make one bar and then we're going straight for the exit." He descended the first staircase he had made. "Wherever that is..."

* * *

><p>The waterfall was massive, its apex spanning miles across the horizon, just under the rising sun. Gravity took its toll on the liquid, pulverizing a portion of it into a fine powdery mist near the bottom. In between, a tall figure sat half inside on a rock protruding from the cliff face, cross-legged, enjoying the beauty from within.<p>

He made absolutely sure this time to bring his umbrella. He didn't want to get his afro wet.

"Funny weather we're having," mentioned Bo-bobo. "It's like I'm sitting under a waterfall."

"You ARE sitting under a waterfall!" screamed Beauty from below the rapids. "You've been up there for hours!"

Don Patch, the umbrella, held up his hand to silence her. "Shush... you're ruining Bo-bobo's peace and quiet." Beauty could barely hear him over the roar of the falls.

"You call THIS peace and quiet?!" Beauty questioned. "And shouldn't we be doing something, oh, I dunno, PRODUCTIVE?"

"You've been screaming at me the whole time," Bo-bobo calmly countered, "and I haven't budged an inch. Sounds like you should be the one trying to be more productive."

Beauty stomped on the ground a few times with a disgusted pout. Bo-bobo rarely toyed with logic, but when he did he was rarely wrong. "Fine!" she surrendered. "What do you propose I do then?"

Before either of them could answer, a small blue and white object appeared at the top of the falls. Beauty squinted at it, trying to make out what it was. "Is that...?"

"BO-BOBOOOO!" The ship went over the waterfall, and a small blue humanoid shape tumbled from it.

Ever-tranquil, Bo-bobo casually cast out his arm to reveal a proud and alert peregrine falcon. Seeing the periled spinning mass falling before it, the falcon took off in a fluid motion much like the water behind it. It rapidly exceeded the speed of the falling ship and its gelatinous blue captain, and before long it had snatched the prize in its talons. Beauty and even Don Patch watched the scene with awe. The falcon deposited the catch safe and sound on the shore without a single scratch and loyally returned to Bo-bobo's glove.

Jelly Jiggler would sail again... but probably in a body cast. Jelly slammed into the water at full speed.

Thankfully, Jelly's body had enough give to it that he was able to survive the fall. He surfaced with little more than a dazed look on his face. Once both his eyes were able to focus on the same object again, the first thing he saw was his blue boat adorned with the Japanese character "nu", completely intact.

"Your falcon can't tell a dessert from a dinghy!" commented Beauty.

"Oh... my god... Bo-bobo..." gasped Jelly as he scrambled to shore. Bo-bobo, still toting the Don umbrella, had somehow descended the waterfall himself in between Jelly's fall and his recovery, and Jelly was now staring up at him in bewilderment. Tears flowed from his eyes as he collapsed onto all fours in front of him. "You saved my ship! How can I ever repay you?!"

"He doesn't mind?!" Beauty gawked once again.

"Don't thank me..." Bo-bobo laughed. "Thank my trusty falcon!" He held out his falconing arm.

"Oh yeah, Bo-bobo, when did you learn how to train a falcon?" Beauty asked, her curiosity overriding her stupefaction.

"He was born trained," Bo-bobo said, petting Don Patch, who had taken the place of the falcon at some point. He wore a red helmet with a golden falcon emblem on the front of it, and a dark eyeshield.

"Falcon rescue!" Don exclaimed over-enthusiastically.

"You sure showed us your moves..." Beauty droned sarcastically.

Jelly Jiggler stood up, shaking the water rather futilely off of himself. "Anyway guys, there's something really important I have to say!"

"Well, spit it out!" Don egged him on. "But not literally of course! I have no idea what's in that river besides water!"

"It's the DJ... he was murdered!"

The news was so shocking that Bo-bobo spit water all over Don Patch.

"Not the DJ!" Bo-bobo denied, clutching his afro in a panic.

"Who's the DJ...?" Beauty asked, equally shocked herself.

"Only the most happening dude this side of the Milky Way!" Don Patch clamored. "Jelly... who could have done such a thing?"

"I don't know..." Jelly muttered. "They didn't leave much in the way of evidence... all I saw was his body, collapsed next to his computer screen... he was in the middle of talking to Blahsadfeguie..."

"Mother of dog..." Don Patch sat down in the grass. "He must've been one of the... the..."

"The Gamers," Bo-bobo solemnly finished Don's sentence. "Without him, the session is doomed to fail..."

"Gamers? Session?" Beauty repeated, unsure how else to react to this situation. "Why am I only now hearing about this...?"

"So... th-that's it?" Jelly sputtered. "All of Blah's efforts to restore the dimensions... are in vain?"

"No," Bo-bobo answered, looking into the distance and letting a glint of light bounce off of his shades. "There is another way."

"Another way to what?!" Beauty asked, becoming frantic and impatient.

"I'll explain on the way," Bo-bobo said, standing up. The look on his face was the most serious Beauty had ever seen from him, and it was more than enough to silence her. "Come on, all of you. We have a lot of work to do."

* * *

><p>Astra watched the rooftop of the castle intently as her client player clubbed yet another imp in the neck with her folding chair, exploding it into another small pile of blue and gray hexagonal material. It was like something out of a high-dollar movie, the heavily-clouded sky calling forth lightning and thunder every few seconds as Bellia fought waves of dark gray imps that possessed various mixed-and-matched features of foxes and cockroaches.<p>

At Bellia's request, when things got intense, Astra would retrieve a particularly heavy chair or a suit of armor from inside the castle using her server controls and drop it on top of an imp or two, speeding up the process. But even then, it seemed as though neither of them could put a dent in the large numbers of imps that continued to scale the castle walls and engage her. However, the number of beat-downs did manage to put a dent or two in the chair that she had weaponized.

When the dragon had found a moment of pause, she turned to her laptop and typed out a quick instruction.

AD: Build up the walls to keep the imps off of me for a bit

She then slithered downstairs into the grand hall. Astra expanded the fortifications vertically, and slightly outward, expending some of the blue material that Bellia referred to as "build grist". The imps had trouble keeping their footing on the new walls and, more often than not, would slip and fall. She occasionally tossed around the large pieces of furniture to clean up the stragglers.

As this was going on, Bellia scampered about the grand hall at an alarming speed for a dragon, first snatching up a huge halberd from a suit of armor and then attending to the various machines scattered about, first stopping by a new machine deployed not long after her entry into the game. It resembled a piano and had a relatively small computer keyboard attached to it; by sticking a captchalogue card into a slot on the machine and typing in an 8-digit code, the machine punched a series of holes in the card. She punched a second card after storing her original folding chair into it. Astra watched curiously.

With the two cards, now punched, Bellia grabbed another of those shiny green cylinders and loaded it into the sewing machine known as a 'totem lathe', while putting both cards at once into the slot. The totem was carved as before, and the dragon practically slammed it onto the lesser pedestal on the fabricating device which the game called the 'alchemiter'.

A window appeared on Astra's screen, showing three objects: the two objects Bellia had used to make the totem, plus what Astra assumed to be the combination of the two. It was a particularly long-legged gray folding chair, long yet thin axe blades running down each leg, and the back had two thick bars for better grip. The screen also showed a cost in both types of materials gathered by the imps so far; 15 build grist, and 20 of the gray variety. The window labeled this new item as the "Folding Polearmchair".

The Folding Polearmchair materialized atop the alchemiter, and Bellia wasted no time in storing it in her strife specibus.

AD: Hah! I've been waiting for this moment!  
>AD: Take notes, you'll get to do this pretty soon yourself!<br>SP: That's amazing... does it work with any two items?...  
>AD: Yep! Any combination at all!<br>AD: Now, time to actually start building up to the gates.  
>AD: Oh, and you can take down those walls now.<p>

* * *

><p>They weren't quite sure how it happened. One minute, they were happily (if not nervously) chipping away at the hellstone, carefully minding the lava, and the next, they were fighting swarms of demons and flaming bats. Blah and co. had worked their way to the surface; the underground did bottleneck the forces, but they just kept coming and there was no room to fight in that small chamber, partially filled with lava thanks to the hellstone.<p>

Blah stood in front of Broshi, protecting him and Seraphina from harm while Hailstorm desperately scouted a way out. Blah's armor was incredibly helpful at deflecting some of the attacks, but it was taking a beating and Blah had already sustained several scratches and bites nonetheless in areas that weren't completely covered. Despite the burning pain, he and Broshi fought on.

They were putting up quite a competent fight, as Broshi made up for Blah's lack of mobility and Blah made up for Broshi's lack of defense and power. The horde would not let up, however, and it wouldn't be long before they were both whittled down to nothing. "Any luck, Hail?" Blah shouted between grunts of pain and effort, ducking to let Broshi slash his sword at the adversary in front of him.

"Not looking good..." he responded, weaving in between bats, fireballs, and demon scythes. He was busy with a fight of his own, as the air above was just as hot as that below it and he had to severely strain himself to stay airborne for long periods. "The ceiling's pretty solid..." He aimed a crossbow bolt at the nearest demon, whose flight was hampered but not yet completely sabotaged.

The pegasus made a forced landing on another mound of ash near Blah's, panting heavily. The demons saw this as an opportunity and began to close in on him. A sitting duck, Hailstorm had only his crossbow as the denizens of evil drew nearer. He picked off the one he had injured earlier, finishing it off, but five more of them remained, each one brandishing a scythe of dark magic.

Blah almost didn't notice his comrade's position as he cracked his hammer into the side of another demon's head. He caught sight of the brightly-colored pony in his peripheral vision, and he twisted around to update himself on Hail's predicament. "Oh no..." breathed Blah. Quickly gauging the distance between the two islands, he figured there'd be no feasible way of helping him out without building a bridge, which would take time and leave him (and by consequence, the others) prone.

There was a flash of green. A demon reeled. Seraphina had sat up, her arm extended after having cast an Energy Ball at them to hopefully buy Hail some more time. Blah was pleasantly shocked to see Sera awake, but her lack of words or immediate follow-up suggested that it took a lot out of her just for that one projectile.

Indeed, this maneuver had the demons distracted long enough for Hail to fire a lethal bolt into the stricken devil's neck, and by the time the other assailants had gotten their priorities straight, Hail was aiming at another.

One spinning hammer strike later, deflecting a demon scythe that threatened to bifurcate him, he was once again facing Hail's direction... but what he saw made his heart skip a beat or two. "Wait, Hail! Don't shoot that one!"

His warning came a tad late as the equine was caught in the middle of pulling the trigger. "What?!" was all he could manage to say before he saw something fall out of the demon's talons, straight for the sea of lava. Everything seemed to stop. The object in question was what appeared to be a doll with brown hair and mundane clothing... but it looked all-too familiar.

Blah was the only one who recognized it, but as usual none of them were prepared for what would happen next.

A splash, followed by a sizzle... followed by a distant roar. Even the demons looked worried.

The roaring got louder. A quake emanated from the very core of the earth.

The demons promptly got the hell out of there. This reaction left all of the heroes with a ghastly chill running down their spines.

Something huge disturbed the uniform crimson glow of the magma in the distance, as if the terrain itself was shifting, crawling, writhing.

"Um..." started Hail, but he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say next. None of the other heroes responded, they merely stood with nowhere to go and nothing to do but watch their fate encroach upon them.

The thing came into view as a grotesque, pinkish reddish mass covered in boils and blood, stretched across hell from wall to wall, ceiling to magma floor. Extending from it were hundreds of tendrils tying down hundreds of miniscule pairs of jaws, each one flexing rapidly as if trying to satiate a voracious, eternal appetite. The wall itself had a similar mouth of its own, as well as two enormous bloodshot eyeballs that conveyed its hunger just as effectively.

The sight of this monstrosity was gruesome enough on its own, but what really topped it off was the voice that accompanied it. A voice that Blah had thought he'd never hear again.

"AH, BLAHSADFEGUIE... WE MEET AGAIN, IN THE FLESH!"

**The Wall of Flesh has awoken!**

* * *

><p><strong>ahahaha. I know that feel, story-me. Been there done that. But the consequences of death here are far worse than those in the game. The question here is not IF I'll die, but how painful and maddening it will be...<strong>

**Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'd never kill myself off in my own story. Right?**

**...right?**

**oh god someone please hold me**


	31. Tearing Down the Wall

**So I was on such a roll that I wrote 4 chapters at once. Have fun!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 31: Tearing Down the Wall<p>

"Ipsus?!" Blahsadfeguie shouted in disbelief, Hailstorm too stunned for words. The sight of the Wall of Flesh alone was enough to unnerve Broshi as well, who brandished his sword as his heart pounded audibly. The wall stowed its advance for a moment as a malignant cackle responded.

"SURPRISED, HUMAN?" Ipsus retorted, the voice echoing a hundred times for each of its hungering appendages. "YOU CANNOT TRULY KILL A SPIRIT... IT ALWAYS REAWAKENS INTO ANOTHER FORM, HUNGRY FOR VENGEANCE! NOW, BE CONSUMED!" The wall resumed its ravenous crawl.

"Ok guys... don't panic... it's just the boss of the underworld... possessed by a bloodlusting spirit eager for revenge..." stuttered Blahsadfeguie, drawing his hammer. "We have to kill him some time or another... if we work together, we can survive... guys?"

Blah craned his head around to catch the tail end of Hailstorm and Broshi making a mad dash in the other direction. He turned around again, and one more look at the Wall was enough for Blah to make up his mind. "Don't leave me here!" he yelled as he ran faster and harder than he ever remembered running before, making an ironically bold leap over a 9-foot wide gap of lava.

"COWARDS!" screeched Ipsus from his terrifying vessel. "YOUR GUTLESSNESS MAKES YOU ALL THE TASTIER!" One of his eyes glowed for a second before emitting a sizable laser beam headed straight for Blah.

Hearing the noise, Blah instinctively jumped, the laser sailing under his feet before he landed and kept going. He was catching up surprisingly fast for his encumbrance and his unoptimal body structure for running. "Hail! A little help?" he cried to the pegasus, who nodded shakily and rose into low flight to swerve carefully into Blah's path.

Another telltale laser shot, and Blah looked back to see it was aimed at Hail this time. Blah prodded the pony with the business end of his Breaker, unintentionally creating a bruise but steering the unaware Hailstorm out of the laser's trajectory. Seeing the laser nearly singe his wing, Hail instantly forgave Blah as he came in closer with a quick swoop. Blah used the last of his leg strength to leap onto his back and the two became one unit yet again.

Broshi, on the other hand, was carving a path like there was no tomorrow (as there very well may not have been), hopping and fluttering between ash islands like a professional platformer. It was all Seraphina could do to hang on.

Hailstorm, with heavily panting Blah in tow, followed in Broshi's wake, using his wings for extra distance when necessary or when Blah alerted him to another laser attack. The four kept enough distance to avoid the Wall's extraneous mouths altogether.

"Brilliant!" Blah gasped between breaths. "Ok... Hail... hand me... your crossbow."

"My hooves are busy!" Hail reminded him. "Just reach into my saddlebag!"

"SO YOU THINK YOU'VE FIGURED ME OUT, HUH?" Ipsus bellowed as Blah fumbled with Hail's pack and the Demonite crossbow. "ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FRIENDS..." With a roaring belch, a small squad of giant red leeches emerged from the Wall's giant mouth, burrowing through ash and lava with no difficulty and gaining on them fast.

Blah fired the first bolt, already loaded, at the closest leech, but it missed by several inches. Panicking, Blah attempted to reload another bolt, but by that time a leech had found its way onto Blah's neck. "Argh!" he shouted, wrestling with the bloodsucker as it siphoned from his veins slowly and painfully. With his crossbow-wielding hand, he launched another bolt, striking another leech through the center, slowing it down but not killing it.

Broshi realized at his next glance that Blah and Hail would be overwhelmed in no time. He slowed his pace and allowed Hail to catch up with him, getting his sword ready. Blah wrenched the leech from his neck and tossed it at Broshi, who cleanly cut it in half and left the segments writhing on the ground.

Blah finally had the opportunity to load another bolt, just in time to make another shot at the final advancing leech... which missed. However, Broshi had him covered. Another well-placed sword strike left said leech to plummet into the lava, never to re-emerge.

"Yo yoshi," the dinosaur voiced, pointing at the desperately grasping mouths that were getting closer by the second.

Blah nodded, loading another bolt - Broshi would take care of the leeches, and Blah would focus on weakening the Wall's vile minions. Regaining himself, he fired his fourth shot at one of the Hungry, impaling it through the roof of its mouth, but doing seemingly nothing to stop it from approaching.

A quick estimate later of the number of bolts in reserve compared to the quantity of those gaping mouths and Blah came up with a concern. "I don't think we have enough ammo for this..."

"There's gotta be something else in that pack of yours you can use!" Hail encouraged. "It's either fight or die, so give it all we've got!"

Blah rifled through his backpack, hoping to find anything that would do at least a sliver of damage. His hand fell on something round, and his mind clicked. "Bombs!" he exclaimed, pulling one of the explosives out. He recalled he still had one from his battle with Trank that he never used, plus a few from the pots in the obsidian building. "Lift me up, bring me a little closer!" He lit the bomb.

"Wh-what?!" Hail responded. "I was hoping it wouldn't involve... oh nevermind!" Noting that this was no place to argue, Hailstorm took to the air and did as Blah ordered. The fuse of the bomb was getting shorter and shorter. When it was nearly depleted, Blah lobbed the bomb behind him as hard as he could just as a laser fired, causing Hail to duck down again. The bomb flew into a cluster of the Hungry, exploding shortly after and catching many of them in the blast. The explosion severed many of their connections to the Wall itself, but this detachment still did not stop them. They were now able to fly straight at the heroes.

"Oh God no," Blah screamed as he switched back to his lance and jabbed at one of them, breaking it apart, but there were still many more on the approach.

With a berserk leap, Broshi replaced Hailstorm in the air and sliced at the remaining Hungry, taking a few of them down at a respectable rate - but there were always more. One of them latched onto Broshi's left arm with a jagged iron grip. He winced, a jolt that awakened Seraphina long enough for her to remove the jaw with her Psychic and send it tooth-first at another. As the two collided, they gnawed on each other furiously as they fell to the ground.

_"It seems their hunger transcends alliance..." _Sera inferred, before falling victim once again to the demonic aura and blacking out.

"Hang in there," Blah muttered. He was proud that Sera could be useful even when crippled by an environment governed by her primary weakness. "Kick them back at each other if you can!" he updated Hail as he swung his Breaker at one of the remaining freed Hungry.

"Got it!" Hail affirmed as he glided once more, leaving his back hooves free to assault the next nearest living projectile. With equine accuracy, it crashed into another of its fellows, sending them both into a distracted frenzy.

Broshi impaled one of the last mouths, and nodded to Blah, who pulled out and lit another bomb with renewed confidence. There were still many more to go.

"I SEE A PATTERN IN THE MAKING," Ipsus growled. "PATTERNS ARE BORING. LET'S MIX IT UP A BIT! I'VE GOT MOUTHS TO FEED, AFTER ALL!" With a cackle, the veins connecting the rest of the Hungry to the Wall of Flesh all snapped at once, unleashing them all in one giant cloud. At the same time, another battalion of leeches were thrown into the fray.

"Well THAT escalated quickly!" Blah panicked again, throwing the bomb with a nervous grunt into the cloud. The explosion disabled merely a fraction of the assault, and the rest careened ahead. "Heads up! Double time, now!" he shouted, readying another bomb in the hopes he could detonate it before the cloud inevitably caught up to them.

Broshi lowered his head against the thick of his blade, mentally preparing himself for his next string of maneuvers. He needed to take them down as rapidly as possible. He sprang up, twisting his body around to face them while holding onto Sera with his free hand, he sliced at the nearest maw while he lashed out his tongue at the next nearest. The sword cut through as reliably as always, but when the end of his tongue neared the other Hungry, it clamped down upon it, sending a piercing wave of pain back through it. Wishing he could grit his teeth, he thrust his head downward, whipping the jaw into the side of the island below him, forcing it to let go and allowing Broshi to retract his sore tongue. After all this, he had forgotten to follow through with his weapon, and by the time he landed back onto the ground and resumed his run, his act had barely dented the opposing forces.

Hailstorm had to step up his flight to avoid all of the biting Hungry, jostling Blah around violently in the process. This caused him to lose hold of the bomb in his hand, and it fell to the ground, uselessly taking out a chunk of land.

Blah checked his pack - he was down to his last bomb, and the hundreds of Hungry were mere feet away, followed closely by the leeches. In an act of desperation, Blah took the bomb, bit off most of the fuse, lit the remaining stub and threw it behind him immediately, holding his shield up towards the blast. The explosion destroyed a handful of Ipsus's spawn, and Blah managed to block most of the shrapnel, but that didn't stop some of it from hitting Hailstorm and the blast itself from propelling them both unexpectedly forward.

"Ow!" Hail reacted, working hard to destabilize his flying. "Are you crazy?!"

"Crazy enough to buy us some time!" Blah answered, grabbing his lance. "And it's about to get even crazier! Turn around, I have a plan!"

"If you say so... we'll die either way..." Hail made a wide U-turn, facing the swarm, and Blah held the lance out in front, leaning forward like a true knight.

"Fist of the Milky Way," announced Blah, a crackle of blue energy transferring from him to the lance and to Hailstorm, "Meteor Joust!"

The blue energy consumed rider, weapon, and mount, focusing it on the point of the lance and creating a brilliant light. The duo's speed increased dramatically, plowing through the swarm and sending them every which way, popping any that happened to be in the direct path of the lance. But as they tore through the opposition, it was clear that Blah's target was much bigger. They were aimed directly at Ipsus's massive, bloodshot left eye. The force of the impact literally caved the wall backwards a few feet, and the lance had lodged in the organ, instilling a bloodcurdling roar from the spirit. Blah released the lance, causing the light to face, and Hail performed an about-face and kicked off of the eye, sending them forwards again.

The pain suffered from this attack caused the Wall to lose control over its minions, which all plummeted from the air, most of them sinking into the lava. The Wall flexed and thrashed as it had no way to remove the lance from its eye, and the pain only intensified from there.

"Mother of Celestia..." uttered Hailstorm, feeling practically revitalized from the excess energy, "That was incredible!"

"We're just getting started," Blah transitioned, wiping his sweat onto his sleeve and filling his empty hand with the Breaker again. "This only weakened him. It's time to drive it home."

He fired the first bolt at the Wall's uninjured eye before Ipsus could regain himself, but the shock from the secondary, lesser impact drove him to his senses. "NO... MORE... GAMES... TIME... TO DIE!" The Wall began to pick up the pace, crawling faster and faster. Another array of leeches were summoned forth, but Broshi was more than ready for them. The Hungry that did not fall into the lava came back to life, rolling and taking to the air, though there were only a couple dozen of them left.

Blah smashed them one by one, and Hailstorm returned to bucking at them when they got too close. They made sure to hit one into another as often as possible, and Sera's advice continued to be fruitful. The last of the Hungry were eliminated in no time. Broshi continued to do what he did best - he didn't dare try using his tongue again, but his sword was enough to keep the leeches at bay.

Blah swapped his hammer for his crossbow. Now, he could focus on finishing the Wall of Flesh.

More lasers fired from its good eye, increasing in frequency. Hail weaved in and out of them as usual, but he was starting to tire, and it showed in the copious amounts of perspiration all over his body. He had no choice but to go back to running on the ground. Blah, meanwhile, fired bolt after bolt at the Wall's other eye and giant mouth, but the bolts were about as effective as rocks.

"This is getting us nowhere fast..." strained Blah, on the road to exhaustion himself. He looked over at Broshi, who was arguably looking the best out of all of them. An idea struck Blah. "Hey! Broshi! Bring Sera this way!"

"Yoshi!" complied Broshi, starting to path towards him and Hail. Blah held out his hand, grabbing Sera from off of Broshi's back and placing her as carefully as possible onto Hail. He then jumped off of the pony, climbing onto the Yoshi instead. "This should save you about 100 pounds..." Blah said to Hail.

He then turned to Broshi. "Alright. Let's end this."

"THE ONLY THING ENDING HERE IS YOU, BLAHSADFEGUIE!" Ipsus snarled, hastening his pursuit. "YOU CANNOT OUTRUN ME FOREVER!"

His brain continued to tick. "Then we won't run," Blah answered, all of his confidence returned. "Broshi, slow down, let him catch up to us."

Broshi returned Blah's instructions with a quizzical glance. Hail took the words right out of his mouth: "Seriously?!"

"Trust me," Blah replied, directed at both the dinosaur and the equine. They looked at each other, and Hail, backed by the memory all of the crazy stunts that Blah had pulled thus far, nodded at Broshi.

Flashing a look from beyond his shades, Broshi pulled back.

"HAHAHAHA! SO YOU WANT TO DIE QUICKLY... WHAT A SHAME."

"Oh, the shame is that you will be the one to die quickly..." Blah answered. "Now, jump!"

Broshi kicked off of the ground once again, and by this time the Wall was moving so quickly that both he and Blah landed on top of it as if it were solid ground. Blah made sure to land near its mouth, and Broshi landed next to its other eye.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OFF!" The wall pulsated as if to try and shake them, while fruitlessly continuing its rash forward march fueled by pain and voracity. Blah and Broshi drew their weapons simultaneously. The Wall's lack of extremities prevented it from doing anything about what would happen next... a series of events which are far too gruesome to describe here.

The heroes jumped off of the Wall just as the final blow was struck, enough to send it in pieces into the deep molten lava below. For a moment, the heat intensified, as did the lighting, and it faded just the same. Blah saw a sight that took him back to the start of his journey - the transparent orb of darkness that was Ipsus's true form, barely able to remain in this plane of existence. In its place was a hovering cube of dark purple brick. Blah knew that it was hollow, and certainly not empty.

**The Wall of Flesh has been defeated!**

"Impossible... You have defeated... my strongest incarnation..." stuttered the distant voice of the twice-defeated spirit of gluttony.

"Not so impossible then, huh?" Blah mocked, as the incredibly winded Hailstorm returned and collapsed on the island.

"Foolish human..." Ipsus droned, "surely by now you've realized... even now, this isn't the last you'll see of me! Once my strength is regained..."

"You'll come back, stronger than ever?" Blah questioned. "But you JUST said that was your strongest incarnation..."

"Strongest as of yet, idiot!" Ipsus coughed. "And know this: your hell is only just beginning... mwahahahaha!" With an eerie flicker, and a slight tremor, Ipsus faded away yet again. Blah didn't try to stop him this time. Villains being villains, Ipsus was legally obligated to be cryptic and to try and fill Blah's head with doubt... and in his opinion, that was a rather poor attempt.

Also, he was eager to see what fabulous prizes he had won from that boss fight. Without wasting a moment more, he grabbed his pickaxe and dug into the Demonite brick cube.

"So... guess we... conquered... Hell?" panted Hail, breathing heavily and trying his hardest to keep from falling unconscious.

"And yet we still have no clue how to get out..." Blah muttered, chipping away at the bricks. Chip, chip, went the pickaxe. Chip, chip, chip, whirr, chip, whirr, whirr.

By that time Blah had stopped mining, looking around and wondering where that strange whirring noise was coming from. It was rhythmic and sounded oddly familiar...

"Yoshi..." Broshi pointed behind Blah, on the other side of the cube. There was a color that Blah had not seen ever since he arrived in the underworld. Blue.

It was in the shape of a box. A phone booth, to be exact. It had just finished becoming fully opaque. The light on the top of it had just finished blinking as well.

"Is that..." Blah stared at the booth for a few seconds. Some distant memories resurfaced, starting a chain reaction spanning multiple synapses. "No. No way. No FREAKING way." He dropped his pick and began to run towards the box. He could clearly see the words "POLICE BOX" printed in black on white across the top of it.

The door swung open, revealing a room that was impossibly huge on the inside. A giggling pink figure bounced out of it.

"Hey guys! Look what I found!"


	32. Temporal Physics 101

Chapter 32: Temporal Physics 101

Blahsadfeguie stared down at Pinkie Pie with a look of disbelief, bewilderment, joy, and outrage all in one. "You took..." he began, his finger extended, "you found?... you... you're here... but..."

"Wow!" Pinkie gasped. "You look like you've been through a lot!" She looked around in awe, viewing the complex scene behind Blah - the Underworld, battered and winded heroes, scattered equipment, half-pierced hovering brick cube. "This reminds me of that one time I-"

"Please," Blah interrupted, holding his hand up to the pink filly as he slowly stepped around her. "Spare me, just this once." A bit taken aback at first, though understanding, Pinkie nodded, putting her hoof across her mouth in a zipping motion.

Not that Blah noticed. There was no way he could resist the lure of the time machine. The inside was just as he remembered seeing it time after time, in the television show. The large, circular room, catwalk leading up to the central console riddled with buttons, knobs, levers and screens. It was even more whimsical in person. He found himself calling out to the empty room... "D-Doctor?"

"Mm mmhmm mm mmm, mhm!" mumbled Pinkie Pie, causing Blah to do a double take, this time with a puzzled glance. Pinkie 'unzipped' her mouth and repeated herself. "No Doctor in here, silly!"

"Ok, I gathered that," Blah answered, getting a bit anxious. "So where is he then?"

"Where is who?" Pinkie responded innocently.

"The Doctor." Blah volleyed.

"Doctor Who?"

A smirk crept across Blah's face, but his eyes conveyed annoyance. He shook it off. "You don't know who the Doctor is... so how did you manage to get the TARDIS? And moreover, how in the WORLD did you manage to bring it here?" He barely realized it, but his voice raised as he spoke.

"I found it, and I pressed a bunch of buttons!" Pinkie continued, bubbly as ever, unwavering.

"I bet you did..." Blah muttered, now pacing the floor of the TARDIS with his hand clutching his forehead, cradling his aching brain. "But where did you find it? And how did you know what buttons to press to get here?"

"Ponyville! DUH!" Pinkie stuck out her tongue for emphasis, and her follow-up giggle didn't keep Blah from feeling that much more uncomfortable. "And I didn't know... DUH!" Blah's eye twitched as Pinkie smiled the largest smile she was capable of.

The logic fell into place in Blah's mind. "So the Doctor came to Ponyville... left the phone booth in plain sight... or NEAR plain sight... and wandered off... and you found it, went inside, and... started pressing a bunch of random buttons."

"That sounds about right!" Pinkie affirmed. "Except for the 'doctor' part, I still don't know who this 'doctor' is that you keep talking about, oh wait what about that Doctor Whooves? I don't even know if he's a real doctor, he's always running around and getting into all sorts of trouble behind everyone's backs, showing up at the weirdest times, kind of like Derpy Hooves, come to think of it I've been seeing those two together a LOT lately! Almost like they're a couple or something."

Blah just let Pinkie's words fill the silence as he thought about the possibilities. Could this be the eighth universe that got mixed in with the bunch? Or was it just some relic, or odd occurrence, like Astra or the army of dragons... but either way, the TARDIS had to have come from SOMEWHERE... was there some incarnation of the Doctor in this universe as well?

"So what's going on in here...?" Hailstorm entered the box, having rested just long enough to walk again. He was followed closely by Broshi, now carrying Sera again, and the two of them that were conscious started looking at the interior in wonder.

"Wait, what?" Hail trotted out of the box, circled around to the outside and had himself a good stare at the back. The outside didn't nearly match the dimensions of the inside, and his head started to throb at the thought of it.

"It's bigger on the inside," Blah shouted out the door, his patience melting away. "Super-advanced alien technology. No big deal."

"No big deal?!" Hail shouted back, returning to the entrance. "Alien technology, bigger on the inside, no big deal?!"

"It's also a time machine," Blah continued.

"Oh, I get it now, no big deal," Hail repeated, a look of pure exasperation on his face. "We can travel through time in a phone booth and it's no big deal. Seriously, what is it and how did it get here?!"

_"It's called the TARDIS, or 'Time and Relative Dimension in Space'."_ Seraphina was fully awake for the first time in ages. _"It's all there, inside Blah's head."_

"Welcome back, Sera!" Blah greeted. "I believe we just found our ticket out of here."

"And what a ticket..." The voice was rather new; light, yet smooth. Blah looked towards the voice's origin and saw only Broshi, staring at one of the screens on the console and trying to make sense of the data displayed. Broshi looked back at Blah, and then around the room, noticing that everyone was staring at him. "What?" asked Broshi in the new voice. "I know you like my face, but come on."

"You... talked..." muttered Blah.

"Yeah, I did," he replied flatly. "You've heard me before." He held his arms out in a wide, confused shrug.

"But never like that..." Hail uttered. "Like, English..."

"Wait... you can understand me...?" Broshi glanced at everyone in turn.

"HA!" Blah snapped his fingers, the noise faintly echoing off the walls. "That's right, the TARDIS has this... psychic aura thing... I forget what it's called but it basically translates every language for anyone standing in it or near it."

"Wow!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "I've always wanted to learn every language so I can make friends with everypony in the whole world but with this I guess I don't have to! Learn languages to make friends, I mean." She inhaled a huge gasp of sudden enlightenment. "We can start making friends RIGHT NOW! WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD! Let's go!"

She clamored over to the central console again, but Blah hastily grabbed her tail. "Whoa, hold your horses, now!" Hail rolled his eyes at Blah in the background. "I still have a bit more to take care of here first..." He couldn't believe that he had almost forgotten to claim his spoils of battle, as well as pick up his lance and other equipment. "You guys wait here," Blah instructed as he stepped out of the TARDIS.

Instantly, he felt the intense, hellish wave of heat consume him. He had barely noticed the constant room temperature of the TARDIS, a synthetic oasis in the desert of fire. He'd have to make this quick. First he grabbed his bag, then his Phaselance, and finally, his Demonite pickaxe.

He raised his pick high in front of the cube and picked up where he left off. It didn't take him long to bust a hole big enough to stick his hand through, but he made sure to make it bigger so that he could extract its contents...

Light filled the box and Blah could see all of the goodies inside. He felt like a safecracker. Before him was a handsome pile of gold coins, a dozen healing potions, and a fancy white-and-yellow hammer with a red gemstone in the center of the head.

He pocketed the coins and bagged the potions eagerly, and he reached for the hammer next. It shined in the light cast by the magma, perhaps just a little bit brighter. He felt empowered holding it, like he could smash through corruption itself.

Grinning madly at his new find, he took a running step back towards the TARDIS... but as he did, there was an additional blue gleam in the corner of his eye. Taking a second look into the demonite box, he saw something he had missed the first time: a small gray pencil-shaped device tucked away in the corner. He had to stick his arm in up to his shoulder to reach it, and when he pulled it out, his heart skipped a beat.

The device was similar to a laser pointer, with an irregular chrome handle and a blue light at the end. Like the TARDIS, Blah recognized it easily, but didn't quite believe it. Slinging the nearly full backpack over his shoulder and still holding the device, he ran back to the TARDIS, eager to show it off.

Blah entered the chamber to find that everyone was huddled around a single computer screen, dead silent. Seraphina seemed to be at the controls, clattering away at the keyboard. Even Pinkie looked a bit glum.

"Uh..." Blah voiced, addressing the obvious problem. "What happened...?"

_"I've installed Pesterchum on the TARDIS's internal computer," _Sera began. _"Only one other person is online, out of the entire list of registered Pesterchum users. I am talking to him now."_

Blah circled around and found a space to stand, observing the conversation. Upon seeing the username of the other user, Blah raised an eyebrow.

* * *

><p>- myriadOracle [MO] began pestering desultoryMonarch [DM] -<p>

MO: Blahsadfeguie?  
>DM: sera?<br>DM: ok I'd say I'm kinda busy right now but  
>DM: you're alive?<br>MO: Of course. What would make you think that I'm dead?  
>DM: everyone's dead<br>DM: well, everyone except me  
>DM: and... a friend<br>DM: one friend who is not you  
>MO: Preposterous. Currently I am surrounded by three friends who are all very much alive.<br>MO: You've only been out for a few minutes.  
>MO: I'm not certain I believe that you're really Blah.<br>DM: what  
>DM: um<br>MO: And in fact, the real Blah has just walked back into the Tardis.  
>MO: Who are you and why are you using his account?<p>

* * *

><p>"I left my computer back at Blahtown," Blah explained. "As far as I know, only Cody and Waluigi are there, but... you think someone took my laptop and is pretending to be me?"<p>

_"That does not explain what happened to everyone else," _Sera responded. _"It is as if the entire internet suddenly died. There is more to this story, I am sure."_

"We're in a time machine, right?" Broshi chimed in, leaning on the back wall. "You could be talking to his future self."

"That's... actually a good possibility," Blah admitted. Had Broshi always been this insightful, even though nobody understood him before?

The computer pinged, reminding everyone that there was still a conversation going on.

* * *

><p>DM: ...tardis?<br>DM: oh my god you're in the tardis  
>DM: ...ok this is kind of a bit heavy for pesterchum, please install skype or something and let's do video chat<br>DM: it'd also confirm my identity  
>MO: The latest Pesterchum has voice and webcam features already implemented.<br>DM: ...oh wow you're right I didn't see that  
>DM: that's actually really convenient<br>DM: hang on

* * *

><p>A box popped up on the screen asking if they wanted to engage in a video chat. Sera naturally clicked "yes" and a camera extended from a small door above the screen. The screen itself lit up with an image of a candle-lit room, various machine parts laid out across a table in the background. In front of the camera sat Blahsadfeguie himself, and from his longer beard and hair the current Blah guessed that he was perhaps a few years older. Sparks flew from off-camera. The Blah on-screen adjusted his hair and glasses habitually, almost the same time as the Blah in the TARDIS. After passing this ritual, future Blah squinted, closing in on the screen, and his eyes immediately grew wide at the sight of everyone standing there.<p>

"Y-you might want to see this," Future Blah addressed an entity off-camera.

The sparks stopped long enough for an adolescent voice to reply, "Not now, this is a very sensitive part! I can't stop until it's aligned properly!"

_'There's something familiar about that voice...' _thought Blah.

"Fine, fine," Future Blah answered. "But still, oh my God... It's really you guys... And me..." He squinted again. "From the past? What?"

"You'd think he would remember a conversation from the past," Hailstorm spoke up. "Even if it was a few years back."

"I certainly won't forget this," Blah nodded. "You don't remember this at all?"

"It's not just that," the elder Blah added, "You're in the TARDIS... My buddy here is currently working on the TARDIS... meaning you should be from the future if anything... unless you picked up yourself from the past... which would cause a paradox..."

_"You are already having a direct encounter with yourself," _Sera pointed out. _"If a paradox was to happen, it already would have."_

"Hang on," cut in current Blah, "you're BUILDING the TARDIS?! Right now?! Your buddy wouldn't happen to be the Doctor, would he...?"

"I wish," Future Blah sighed. "Here, look for yourself, since he seems to be a bit camera-shy." He turned the camera a bit, putting the frame of a phone box into view. Next to it was a short figure wearing a welding mask and putting together a large engine-shaped device. The light from the sparks obscured most details about the figure. "You mind putting that down for 2 seconds so our friends can have a good look at you?"

"You could just tell them who I am, you know... but fine." The sparks stopped. The figure lifted his mask, revealing a yellow and very vulpine face. He was certainly taller, his features more defined and mature, but he still had the eyes of an 8-year-old genius. Tails waved at the camera shyly. "Hi."

"Tails?!" exclaimed current Blah. "YOU made this?"

"Who did you expect? There isn't actually a Doctor in this universe to do it for us," Future Blah explained, leaning into the camera's view.

Tails glared exasperately in his direction. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The receiving Blah sighed. "Nothing." He turned back to the camera. "We've been stranded on this rock in the middle of space for 5 years. Living in such a limited space with the same person for that long, a lot of tension gets generated."

"I know where you're coming from," current Blah sympathized. "Doesn't matter how cool the person is or how much you like them."

"Can we change the subject?" Tails asked. "I've been working on this machine for 5 years now and I still haven't even come close to figuring out how time travel works, let alone the act of safely fitting an entire ship inside a phone booth."

"Yeah, we need a time travel expert..." Future Blah summarized. "Is Astra there?"

"Astra? A time travel expert?" current Blah repeated. "Hah... I'd like to see that. But no, she isn't here. She's busy anyway, with the whole SBURB server thing and all."

"Wait a second," Hailstorm interrupted, "why don't we just time-travel ourselves to wherever these guys are, and give them the TARDIS? Then you won't have to build it in the first place..."

"Ok, of all the things that could possibly cause a paradox, that is definitely one of them," current Blah argued. "But they could maybe... study it, learn how it works, and build a copy of it which is sent back in time along its predestined path to become this current TARDIS?"

A good 5 seconds of silence followed Blah's statement. "...I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" asked Hail.

"You know, that's just crazy enough to work," said Future Blah. "But... we're in the middle of space as I said before, and there's no real way of telling exactly how much time has passed, so how would you find us?"

"I still don't quite understand..." Hail complained again.

"Look man, no point in questioning something if it works," Broshi silenced him.

Future Blah stared at Broshi from his end of the time stream. "...did he just talk?"

"Not important," the other Blah shrugged it off. "Now, um... Sera, could you perchance... like, triangulate their position and time using the information from the video feed, and then travel there?"

_"I do not know how the TARDIS works any better than you do," _Sera replied. _"One day I will have to watch every episode of Doctor Who from your subconscious and take notes."_

"Good luck with that, I'm only up to season 3..." muttered Blah.

"What is she doing?" Broshi had kicked off of the side of the ship, onto his feet again, and was pointing towards the other side of the console, where Pinkie Pie was hard at work manipulating knobs.

"Pinkie..." Blah had almost forgotten she was there. "I don't think you should be touching those..."

"Oh, don't be a silly billy!" Pinkie replied. "You can't just have a conversation with somepony, even yourself, if they're not in the present! Also, they're in space, on a rock, space is space, and rocks are rocks! And trust me, I know my rocks." She did not hesitate for a moment in running around and operating the switches and buttons. The cylinders in the central tube began to move and the TARDIS mildly quivered along with it.

"Wh... what is she talking about...?" Hail queried quietly. Pinkie was starting to scare him.

_"She has a point," _Sera noted. _"Pesterchum does not have the capability to communicate outside of the present time, unlike Trollian which is unavailable in this universe."_

"I thought that was the TARDIS pulling some kind of wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing," Blah admitted with a shrug.

"Ha... oh, Blink, why are you the best episode," Future Blah mused as the TARDIS began to fade, and the whirring of its engines droned on.

To the inhabitants, the whirring continued, and then stopped, along with the engine, the TARDIS stabilizing. Future Blah and Tails were still on-screen in Pesterchum, and they were both staring, transfixed, at an object off-camera.

With a deep breath, current Blah opened the door to the outside.

Future Blah stood up, and the two Blahs looked face-to-face, in the flesh. It was almost like looking into a mirror. A mirror in which a 5-year gap separated the reflections.

"Well would you look at that..." both of them uttered simultaneously.

"She was right?!" Hail gasped, peeking out of the door from behind the younger Blah. "You WERE in our present..."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Tails cried. "You're obviously younger..."

"We're the same age," Young Blah blurted out.

"What...?" Older Blah asked.

"Think about it. We were able to talk in the same time frame. Without causing a paradox. In your past, all of us are dead. You don't remember this meeting as it took place through my eyes. Not only are you an older version of myself, but you're from an alternate timeline. A parallel universe."

"But," Alternate Blah countered, "I thought it was impossible to cross to an alternate universe using the TARDIS..."

"Yes, but that's Doctor Who logic," Blah refuted. "The Doctor Who multiverse is not a part of this multiverse. But guess which multiverse we know for a fact IS, that has its own rules for time travel?"

Alternate Blah looked up sharply, in a fit of realization. "Homestuck!" He began to pace the floor. "Which means, every time you time travel, or make a decision for that matter, you immediately create and/or enter an alternate universe... but there is always exactly one 'alpha' timeline - the one that's 'canon' so to speak."

"Exactly! So I must be from the Alpha line, and you're from a universe in which we've failed and everyone else is dead. But that is not so in my timeline, far from it in fact! We just killed the Wall of Flesh after all." He held up his favorite prize from said battle, the Pwnhammer.

Alternate Blah, teary-eyed, could not prevent himself from spontaneously hugging his Alpha self, fueled by the notion that not all is lost after all. "You have no idea... how devastating it was..."

From then on, as the two embraced, there was silence among the rest of the crowd. They weren't entirely sure what to say, considering the first half of that exchange was nothing but jargon to them, and the second half was all that needed to be said on the matter.

Seraphina herself shed a tear. _"I can see them... all of their deaths... the Wall of Flesh devoured all of them... Blah himself barely escaped... but so did Ipsus, who went on a rampage on the surface. Astra was the first to die. Without the others, the rest of the session fell apart and the Earth was destroyed. It was all Blah could do to hunker down with Tails and ride the shockwave." _The Blah's hug tightened as he heard that reiteration.

Tails nodded. "He told me our only hope then was a time machine, and he described the TARDIS to me... so I tried, but that sort of technology is just too advanced to recreate from someone's memory of a fictional program in which it appeared."

"So how did we GET to this universe, then?" Broshi was leaning on the doorway, his arms crossed. "You couldn't have talked to Omega Blah over here in the first place without being on the same timeline, am I right? So we were already here."

_'Omega... I like the sound of that,'_ thought Alternate Blah as he released his clone.

_"We were in the presence of demons," _Sera suggested.

"Yeah, maybe time and space work differently in the underworld? I dunno." Alpha Blah shrugged. "Could also be why we didn't notice that the Earth exploded while we were there. We may never know."

"Either way, this universe is no good," Broshi continued. "We have to get back somehow."

Everyone turned expectantly towards Pinkie, who had made herself at home balancing a top-shaped component on a rear shelf. Feeling 12 eyes on her at once, she turned around. "What? Don't look at me, I don't know the first thing about parasol universes!" She giggled and returned to her toy.

Both Blahs chuckled to themselves quietly. "Heh heh... 'Parasol universes'."

"So if you don't mind me asking..." Hailstorm said, walking around and examining the lab, "How did you survive in space all this time?"

"I built an oxygen recycling unit," Tails explained, patting a machine in the corner proudly. "As for food, we just-"

"Oh God," Alpha Blah interrupted, "don't tell me you recycled your own-"

"Nononono NO, don't even go there," Omega Blah hastily counter-interrupted. "We have this." He indicated the opposite corner, which housed three very familiar machines.

"Whoa!" The other Blah immediately jogged over to inspect the machines. "A Cruxtruder... an Alchemiter... and a Totem Lathe... where did you get these?!"

"It's a long story," Omega dismissed. "We would use them to alchemize stuff other than food, but we only have build grist, and a finite amount of it, so we really have no choice..."

"Plus, we don't have a Punch Designix," Tails added. "We have to punch cards by hand. Took us a while to learn the algorithm necessary to figure out where to punch the holes - and also to get the holes in the right shape using only a circular hole punch. By the time we got one template made, we were down to just a few cans of beans."

"I'm getting SO sick of beans," Omega pouted.

"You've had enough grist to live off of beans for 5 years?" Blah scratched his head, trying to do the math, but the numbers were a bit too far out there.

"We would have been late arrivals to the session, so we got a TON of build grist," Omega explained. "We had no idea how long we'd have to survive here before the TARDIS was complete, so we didn't dare try to alchemize something else. Right now, we have... how much, again?" He turned to Tails, who glanced at a computer screen.

"27,289 out of a maximum of 62,500," he replied. "At 2 grist per can, 3 meals a day for each of us, for the past 5 years. Give or take."

"...you started with an even number, spent only even numbers at a time, and you wound up with an odd number?" Blah questioned. _'And one ending in 89, for that matter...'_

Tails shrugged. "We were one grist short when we started. I have no idea why."

"Ooh, what's this?" Pinkie Pie poked at a faint flashing light, the source of which was obscured by the frame of the in-progress TARDIS. "It's so shiny..."

Both Blahs peered behind the frame and saw what Pinkie was talking about - a flashing orange-ish sphere of energy, a spirographic pattern embedded within it. It was avoiding Pinkie's touch. "That would be the Kernelsprite," Omega said. "We had no use for it, so it just kinda... tucked itself away in the corner. It's not like we can enter the medium now."

"What is a Kernelsprite for, exactly?" Hailstorm asked, having never been debriefed on the subject. The original Blah wasn't listening, however; he instead made his way to the window, his curiosity getting the better of him again.

"You're supposed to throw something into it," Omega explained, "or, as it's called, 'prototype' it... and when you enter the medium of SBURB it transfers the 'data' of whatever you gave it to the game and causes the battlefield to evolve. Then it becomes a 'sprite' with the embodiment of whatever it contained and serves as your guide and helper. But I don't think we CAN enter the medium from here, we never even got a countdown."

"Are you sure about that?" Blah queried, staring out at the endless black expanse of a landscape. There was only a single, barely visible point of white light in the entire abyss. "After all this time, do you ever bother to look out of the window?"

Everyone exchanged glances for a moment, then crowded around the three windows on the side of the lab that Blah had chosen to look out of. This clearly wasn't the Milky Way Galaxy.

"What is that...?" Hail squinted at the distant light.

"I have an idea..." Blah started. He turned towards Omega Blah. "Prototype yourself."

"What?!" shouted Omega. "But..."

"We have an extra Blah from a doomed timeline. If we're prototyping with anything, it'll have to be you."

Omega flinched. He did have a point. And becoming a sprite did have its benefits. Plus, he didn't know what he would do with himself if everyone here made it back to the alpha timeline. "Alright... here I go then..." He approached the frame of the unfinished TARDIS, preparing to squeeze through and reach the sprite, but before he could, the sprite itself flew out from its cubby hole and presented itself to the open. It hovered rapidly in front of Omega as if excited about what was about to happen. Taking a deep breath, he leaped into the sprite, creating a blinding flash of light.

Everyone covered their eyes, except for Pinkie. When the light faded, neither Omega Blah nor the kernelsprite were there - what floated there was something entirely new. It was a ghostly white figure, complete with a wispy tail replacing its legs. It had the pale white arms and head of Blahsadfeguie, his eyes missing entirely - only his glasses were left.

"My God," said the Blahsprite in an ethereal, echoing voice, staring at and through his own hands, "I'm already a fully fledged Sprite... instead of just a ball with a new face... which means..."

"We're already in the Medium," Blah nodded. "That white light up ahead... is Skaia."


	33. Redemption

Chapter 33: Redemption

"Amazing..." Tails walked up to Blahsprite, examining him scrupulously. "He's like... an apparition, or a phantom..."

"A ghost with spacey powers," Blahsadfeguie introduced. "Ghosts can already manipulate the laws of physics to an extent. You don't need to breathe, you have selective tangibility..."

"And as the Knight of Space..." Blahsprite continued, contemplating his hand, which he suddenly formed into a fist. He hovered backward, phasing through the wall opposite Skaia. Bending over, he held out both hands towards the lab as if to push the entire thing. "Skaian Fist of the Milky Way... Photon Warp!"

It felt like an instant to everyone aboard. One moment, the white light was blinking sheepishly from afar, the next, it had grown into a planet, perhaps even a sun, a blue sphere stroked with white cloud-like wisps, the infamous spirograph blending and shifting in the center. In clear orbit around it were three objects: two smaller planets, one green and luscious, almost earth-like; and any portion of the other that wasn't covered in sinister storm clouds was filled in with dark red. The final object was a golden, pentagonal moon, so close to Skaia itself that it seemed to skip across its surface. Eight tall towers were visible sticking up from the moon's surface.

"We have established orbit," Blahsprite announced, causing most everyone to jump as they were busy admiring the beauty of the Incipisphere.

Blah cleared his throat. "Yes well, dang!" The words were coming back to him, albeit slowly. "That was impressive, is this 'Skaian Fist' anything compared to what I might be capable of as God Tier?"

"Er..." Blahsprite hesitated, as it was part of a sprite's purpose not to reveal more than it needed to about the game. He shook his head, shaking it off. "Heh, traveling at the speed of light is nothing for a God Tier... trust me."

"God Tier?" Broshi addressed. "We get to become gods?"

"Maybe. If you're good enough." Blahsprite laughed, degenerating into a cough. "Ack. Skaia's got me talking like Cody..."

The word 'Cody' hit a sweet spot in Blah's inner ear. He clutched his head with his palm. "Oh crap, I forgot... summoning the Wall of Flesh killed him..."

A moment of silence passed. Guides were as expendable as they came in the game of Terraria, but when it came down to actually having one killed... especially for necessary advancement...

Blah felt a ghostly hand on his shoulder. "And you defeated it in the end. His death was not in vain."

"I wonder... when we get back..." Blah thought. "...do you think there'd be anything left to prototype with? A corpse, or at least ashes?"

Blahsprite shrugged. "I possess knowledge about the Medium, not the Underworld. Personally, I think it's possible... but let's focus on something else for now, hm?"

"Like heading to those planets," Tails aided in changing the subject. "At least one of them has life on it, right? Which means they probably have real food, at the very least."

"Each planet in the Medium belongs to one player of SBURB," Blahsprite explained, "As well as, usually, entire civilizations of reptilian or amphibious consorts. Looks like only 2 players made it here, but..."

_"What have they been up to during all this time?" _Seraphina wondered aloud. _"Are they playing the game? Or are they doomed to wander their own planets, unable to advance without the help of their co-players?"_

"Most of the time, you can't even leave your house until you reach the first gate," Blahsprite continued, "Which requires the server player to build it high enough. And if I remember correctly, the two players that entered before I awakened the Wall of Flesh were-"

"Reed and Bellia," Blah followed, nodding. "They were client and server, so Reed should have been able to advance at least a little... but without a server of her own, Bellia couldn't have survived that long..."

"So Reed probably fell soon after that," Hailstorm deduced. "Yeah... I see what you mean, it's doubtful that either of them are still alive..."

"Doesn't mean they can't still be helpful," said Broshi.

"Yeah, they could've left something behind..." Blah agreed.

"And it's not like we weren't going to go to the planets anyway," Blahsprite added. "I'm feeling the need for some fresh, naturally generated air."

"What are you talking about, you don't need air anymore," Hail reminded him.

"Haha... oh Hailstorm," Blahsprite mused, "Questioning me even now... just like the good ol' days..."

"Sooo, are you going to take us to that planet or not?" Pinkie spoke up in an odd fit of sudden impatience. "Please and thank you." She finished with a smile.

_"Yes, the anticipation is a bit heavy," _Sera admitted.

"Sorry..." surrendered Blahsprite, "but can you really blame me for catching up a little with my friends? I haven't seen them in 5 years after all. You know. Since their deaths." More silence. "Yeah." Blahsprite once again took position as the lab's artificial engine and propelled it towards the Earth-like planet. As they entered the atmosphere, he moved underneath the lab to slow its descent until finally setting it down on top of a hill.

It took Tails a while to remove the door with his welding torch, as it had been hastily fashioned with an air-tight seal for space travel, and when it fell out of the frame, he and the others stepped out into the outdoors after what seemed like an eternity.

It was very much like Earth, even on the surface. The heroes found themselves in the middle of a lush forest, barely disturbed by the newly arrived structure of technology as though nature itself was perpetually carefree and blissful. The trees and bushes were full of small examples of wildlife, from squirrels to birds to deer, all watching the pioneers curiously. A majestic mountain range was barely visible behind the great, flourishing canopy of the trees. This was a planet where nature thrived despite the tragic circumstances involving its creation.

Tails took a deep breath of the air and relaxed his entire body, losing himself in the allure of this new world. Compared to his previous habitat, this was heaven. Blah and his Alpha timeline companions took the liberty of reveling in the ambiance themselves.

They barely even noticed the animals dart away, and the sound of many guns cocking.

"You!" A harsh, scratchy voice quacked in contrast to its surroundings. "State your business!"

The crew found themselves surrounded by their worst nightmare (or close): a squad of about 10 humanoid, wingless ducks in robust military-esque uniforms, each one equipped with a rifle. The majority of them had horns sticking out of the middle of their foreheads, and were more brightly-colored compared to the hornless - a detail that most of the non-ducks missed on account of the guns pointed at their heads.

Everyone reacted by putting up their hands (or hooves), not that that needed to be said. "W-we come in peace! P-please don't shoot!" Hailstorm nervously squeaked out.

"We mean no harm to anyone," Blah began, speaking slowly. "We were forced to land here. This building was stuck in deep space for about 5 years after our home world exploded and this was the first land we came across."

The most decorated of the ducks, a proud and tall green-colored male and presumably the leader of this group, stepped forward, keeping his gun level. His eyes narrowed. "I have never seen your kind before, so we can't be sure of your intent," he stated. "And it appears you have a hostage." He directed his gaze at Tails. "Come over here, young one, they can't hurt you now that we're here."

"Hostage...?" muttered Hail. "D-do you know these guys?"

"Not a clue..." Tails whispered. "I have to play along though..." He ran behind the commander.

There was a pause as Blah searched for a reply, but his thoughts kept going back to the soldiers' species... and singling out Tails, as if they had mistaken him as one of their own. Ducks and foxes...

"No, that can't be right," Blahsprite whispered, just loud enough for Blah to hear. "My sprite mind tells me they're consorts but..."

"Your Blah mind..." Blah whispered back, knowing that both versions of himself were on the same wavelength, as to be expected. "It knows who they really are. And so do I. It all makes sense now."

Blah cleared his throat, looking back to the commander. "We know who you really are, and why you're here - and I can assure you, our arrival is only a coincidence. We are not related to the Disturbance in any way, nor are we affiliated with Eho or his minions."

The commander looked at Tails. "Is this true?"

Blah glanced behind himself at Seraphina. _'Tell him to say these exact words...'_ he thought, following it up with a message. Sera relayed it directly to Tails in the telepathic equivalent to a whisper.

Tails hesitated for a split second, but drew a deep breath and regained his composure. "I swear on Triff's grace that they are telling the truth." He tried his best to sound sincere and natural.

The commander raised his eyebrows, somewhat astonished by Tails's words. "At ease, soldiers," he sighed, and his squaddies complied, all of them relieved. He looked back at Blah with eyes that conveyed a slight trace of remaining suspicion. "So... how did young, er... what's your name, son?"

"Tails, sir," he answered, only pondering whether that name would seem odd to them after it had already been said.

"Tails..." the commander acknowledged, recognizing his namesake, but ignoring it for now, "How did young Tails come to be in your possession for half a decade? Especially since you claim to have come from a different world?"

"Your world isn't the only one under watch by the Gods," Blah answered, purposefully ambiguously. "In fact... your religions aren't the only ones in the universe either."

There were awed murmurs from the other soldiers. One of the females spoke. "So would his mutation - no offense - have anything to do with being a part of this other world?"

"What, don't you have the odd mutation on this planet here or there?" Tails replied, the slightest bit taken aback.

"Another coincidence," Blah stepped in. "Anyway, I have a question... would anyone happen to know of a fellow named Reed? We came into contact with him a while ago, in fact he helped us find this planet, in a way."

"Reed..." More astonished murmuring. Blah guessed that that was a yes.

"You know of the Page...?" the commander asked.

"Oh... he's a Page..." Blahsprite bemoaned. "Not a good chance he made it alone then..."

"Shush, he used a present-tense verb to refer to him," Blah silenced his sprite. "Of course, he's very important. In fact, it's urgent that we get to meet him immediately. For the sake of all of Moros."

"Well, interesting timing..." the commander said. "He's making a journey to Veiko Peak, a mountain deep within Eho territory. He said that the time was right, and he was to meet his destiny, face to face. Nothing more. What's worse, he is going alone, as he insisted. He had finally caught up with his training... but... we still fear for his safety."

"Huh. Interesting indeed." Blah turned to his friends. "How much do you wanna bet he's on his way to his Quest Bed?"

"After 5 years... sounds about right for a Page!" joked Blahsprite.

"And we can beat him there too. Between the two of you," Blah pointed back and forth between Tails and Pinkie Pie, "we can probably figure out how to take the TARDIS there."

"Are you sure about that?" said Tails uneasily.

"Of course!" reassured Blah. "It has to be something you're capable of building, right? Which means you'd have to have a thorough understanding of it. In fact, you may have even left yourself some kind of instruction manual."

"What's all this talk?" the commander cut in. "Quest Bed? TARDIS...?"

"You and your squad can come with us. It sounds like he might need all of the help he can get."

"But that didn't answer my-"

"Come inside," Blah invited, walking back towards the lab. "I'd explain on the way, but we actually wouldn't have enough time in the trip for even a short version, believe it or not. You'll see what I mean."

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait up!" Pinkie threw herself between Blah and the entrance to the lab. "We can't let them fly with us if we don't even know their names yet! And they don't know ours either! I mean wouldn't it be awkward when we did what we needed to and we said our goodbyes and ran into each other again and didn't know how to greet each other? I don't know about you but I don't like situations like that very much, no siree!"

"Ok, ok, sheesh," Blah surrendered. "I guess it wouldn't hurt..."

"Great! I'll start!" Pinkie took a massively deep breath and proceeded to introduce everyone from her group, including a little bit of information about each of them, her opinions of some of their better qualities, and the occasional barely on-topic ramble. It was such a long speech that Blah felt himself running out of breath just listening to it. The words started to run together after the first minute, and by the second it was reminiscent of white noise. Finally, she began to slow down, a sign that she was ACTUALLY running out of things to say without input from someone else. Blah regained himself in time to register her final phrase.

"...so I guess you could say that we're THYME travelers!" Blah was not sure if he wanted to have paid attention to the set up for that one. Pinkie took the first breath since the beginning of that entire essay. "Ok, your turn!" She had enough excitement for all 17 of them.

Knowing that there was no possible way that they could top that, the duck soldiers simply went in a circle and gave their names, nothing more. On the extreme opposite end of the scale, Blah found this side of the exchange no more memorable than the other. The only name he remembered was Giango, the commander himself. He was pleased to hear that name in particular.

"Nice to meet you all!" Pinkie respectfully replied, hiding her slight disappointment. "Gee, one of these days when we're not saving the world or the universe or anything I'm going to have to throw a party so I can get to know everyone else here too!"

"I haven't been to a decent party in a long time," admitted one of the male soldiers whose name unsurprisingly escaped Blah. It probably started with a 'K'... or their language's equivalent.

"Well, I'm all for partying too," Blah agreed with a yawn, "but I'd just like to find Reed, if nobody else has any objections..."

Hailstorm started to raise a hoof, but Blahsprite grabbed it and pushed it back down to the ground, shaking his head and whispering something that sounded like "you've questioned us enough, haven't you?".

Blah smirked at their act. "Great, then let's get going." He directed everyone inside the lab. Pinkie was the first to dart in, straight for the TARDIS, followed by Blah's original clique, and then the duck squad forming an orderly line.

"Seriously though, how did you know how to handle all of that?" Hail whispered to Blah as they walked.

"I put two and two and two together," Blah said. "This entire planet, Moros, is another one of my own creations, in fact; home to three different species that live alongside each other - the duck-ish Jemento, the fox-like Triff, and the dragonoid Eho, the very same that we fought against not long ago. There's a lot more to it but... I don't want to spoil anything."

"Spoil?" Hail concerned. "If those dragons that attacked us were from a different planet many light-years away, one whose people don't know much about space travel, some background knowledge could be extremely useful for everyone involved..."

"Shut up, we're already in the TARDIS and everyone is staring at us."

Hail looked around the room sheepishly. Blah hastily cleared his throat to redirect everyone's attention. "SO, Tails, Pinkie, would you mind?"

"Well, uh, let's see..." Tails had already started going over the various haphazardly-placed and -shaped controls. "I can't make heads or tails of this," he gave up.

"What do you mean you can't make heads of yourself of this," Pinkie laughed, "You already said that you made it!"

"You had to have some kind of thought process while designing this," Blah tried to help. "Just work backwards, what does this make you think of now?"

"Well, that one looks like a cupcake," Pinkie started, in place of the wrought Tails, "and these doohickeys over here are gumdrops, and that's a candy cane! Look at the colors!"

"Colors..." muttered Tails, walking around the console. "Colors... red, white... green, blue... more blue..." He started working the controls as he announced the colors for them. The TARDIS was firing up. "Orange... and then purple... and red again... got it!" The engine started, and the floor became unstable.

"What is this... are we moving?!" Giango exclaimed.

"Not in any direction you can conceive," Blah answered. "I just hope it's the right direction..."

"I think he's onto something!" Pinkie cheerfully supported, taking a bite out of a colorfully-sprinkled cookie.

The TARDIS went through its rounds and started to settle down. Some new, muffled noises could be heard from outside. Clashing of steel, grunting and shouting. "Sounds like a war..." observed Giango incredulously.

Blah drew his Pwnhammer. "Sure does." He walked to the door and carefully nudged it open to discover that the TARDIS had come to rest on a high ledge of a mountain. On a pass below, he could see several large figures assaulting a single smaller one. The smaller one was defending himself exceptionally well, but was still being forced further up the pass, towards a cave opening at the top. This figure was armed with a thin, cone-shaped, red and black weapon, two long horn-shaped blades protruding from the smaller end and what appeared to be a ring of teeth around the hollow larger end. He wore a dark-green tunic decorated with strange runes.

His bulky enemies, which Blah recognized to be Eho, relentlessly surrounded him, allowing less and less space, but he raised his weapon to his mouth, blades resting against his cheeks and painting them with blood, and played a harsh, terse scale in a haunting minor key. To Blah's astonishment, he realized the weapon was actually a heavily-alchemized clarinet. A shockwave of dark energy surged from the end following the notes, blowing the Eho back and even tipping the TARDIS ever-so-slightly. Blah noticed that all of the Eho that had been hit by the wave were laying on the ground, unconscious and possibly dead.

The warrior finally noticed the movement of the blue box out of the corner of his eye and turned toward it, seeing eye-to-eye with Blah. It was certainly not a look that the human had expected from the typically religious and pacifistic Triff, scars along his face and the blood of his enemies under his eyes like war paint.

"I told you not to follow me," Reed spoke in a dark voice, directed slightly behind Blah, and it was at that time he noticed that Giango had poked his head out as well, unable to hold his curiosity.

"Well, you do look like you can handle things," Blah noted, obviously impressed. "But... to be honest, we didn't come here to help you, we came here to see if you could help us."

Reed squinted. "It's been a while since I last saw a human..."

"Let me guess, 5 years?" Blah guessed.

"More or less." He glanced at his surroundings again, seeing some of the Eho start to move dizzily to their feet. "Not much time to talk..."

"You sure you don't want some help? If the outcome is certain, might as well reach it as efficiently as possible, eh?" Blah held up the hammer that he had been itching to test out since he got it.

"Less work for me," he agreed. "Just... back off when I say the word. It's important I do some of this alone."

"Facing your destiny, eh?" Blah jumped out of the TARDIS and onto the mountain pass next to his new companion. "How long have you been putting it off?"

Reed grasped his clarinet tightly, entering a battle stance. "Far too long."

* * *

><p>"Hmph! You said we'd be done with the heroes in an instant, and yet here we are, 5 years later, and our conquest is not yet complete!"<p>

"Heh. You're a little impatient."

"Impatient?! Have you any sense of time?! No sane being would wait-"

"5 years, yeah, we get it. It was 5 years yesterday, tomorrow it'll still be 5 years, it's not changing for another 276 days. I understand. But there's more to our plan than total annihilation."

"As you've said yesterday, and will say tomorrow, and will continue to say! I'm not the only one stuck in this loop."

"If you don't want to be stuck in this loop... well, haven't you always said that you can't be sure of a task's completion unless..."

"Unless you do it yourself. Alright. Fine. You've talked me into it this time. This time, I will take care of business myself. While you continue to sit here. And wait. I will gain everything. And you will have none of it."

"All will be given their fair share."

"Glad we're in agreement then. I'll leave you this barren wasteland, do with it what you will. As for me, I'll talk to you when I've taken my rightful throne over all of Moros. Farewell, for the final time..."

* * *

><p>After a few minutes in battle with Reed, Blah began to realize just how much potential a Page had as long as he employed himself properly. That clarinet of his was equal in strength at the very least to his Pwnhammer, as both weapons proved themselves in the heat of battle. Dragons, left and right, slammed and sliced like a fancy fruit salad. Not a single one could land a hit, not even when the firebreathers added a touch of flame to spice things up - Reed's instrument absorbed the flames through the toothy bell and spat them right back as he followed up with a slice to the throat. Not only was Reed a skilled fighter, he was a lethal one, a creed that went against the usual thoughts of what Blah had composed as his race.<p>

Blah recognized a Page of Doom when he saw one. There was no doubt in his mind that he was ready to ascend to God Tier and live up to his fullest potential.

The last of the Eho tumbled off the mountain, taking a mile-long plunge. "Now, I can finish what I came here for... remain where you are."

"Wait, what about what WE came here for?" Blah interrupted. "Now that we can talk..."

There was a pause as Reed contemplated with his back to Blah, facing the peak of the mountain. "I know who you are... you were to be one of us... the Hero of Space. One absolutely necessary to our goal. And you disappeared, along with everyone else."

"Weeeell, that's where things get complicated," Blah continued. "This isn't the Alpha ti-"

CRASH! There was a small explosion behind them that rocked the mountain. Reed and Blah turned around. In front of them was another Eho, scales as black as space, standing about 12 feet tall before them, a wingspan almost as long as he was tall. Thick smoke billowed from his nostrils menacingly. Eho that had both wings and could breathe fire were almost unheard of, except for one legend...

"So... we meet again, Page..." The Conqueror snarled, leaning in on Reed, who remained resolute. "Or at least, until you run away like the coward you are... you should do yourself a favor and see your inevitable defeat through to the end!" He glanced towards Blah. "And it seems your friend finally tired of hurtling aimlessly through space on a chunk of his destroyed home planet! You should be counting your blessings, human... at least now I can end the pain for you! Both of you!"

"You will fight me and me alone, Sihok," Reed challenged. "I'm finished with procrastinating my fate; now, I'm as eager to finish what we've started as you are. This time, only one of us will walk away alive."

As much as Blah wanted to help out his co-player, he understood that this was not his battle - and even if Reed lost, it didn't mean the end. "Can I at least watch?" Blah asked. "I promise not to lift a finger. I just want to see this."

"I don't care," Sihok growled. "Just know that when I'm finished with him, you'll be next."

Blah hustled back to the ledge claimed by the TARDIS, where most of his companions had made themselves comfortable. They hadn't needed to interfere themselves yet either, and if Blah was right, they wouldn't need to now.

There they were, the fox and the dragon, natural enemies (or for this planet, anyway) staring each other down in anticipation of the face-off to end all face-offs. Sihok made the first strike, starving for blood, his claw swinging with enough force to rip any civilian to shreds, but it was soon met with Reed's instrument, and not a second had passed before he had angled around the deflection to strike at the Conqueror's leg. It was an unexpected yet decisive hit that sent the dragon reeling, and already Reed went for a stab to the torso; Blah suspected that he would have aimed for the throat had he been able to reach. However, Sihok's other arm was as fast as the first as he grasped the clarinet tightly, attempting to wrench it from his hands. As the two struggled, Sihok took another swing at Reed's head, which he ducked under as he kicked at his first leg wound. The sudden if temporary surge of pain was enough for Reed to reclaim his weapon; he took the opportunity to put some distance between the two fighters. He climbed to a higher ledge of the mountain, putting him at eye level with the Conqueror.

With Reed now at point-blank distance from Sihok's snout, he unleashed a wide cone of flame, one that would completely engulf the Triff, if it were not for the clarinet's unconventional absorbing ability. The fire was a bit much even for the masterwork clarinet, and the other end produced a rapidly-expanding cloud of black smoke that shrouded both of them. When the smoke cleared, Reed had hopped on top of Sihok and was stabbing at his head. His thick skin and skull protected him from receiving any mortal wounds, but the stabs were still doing visible damage. Enraged, Sihok grabbed the fox by the tail and flung him with the force of a medieval catapult at the mountain cliff. Before crashing into the mountain, Reed had lost hold of his clarinet, which came to rest near the edge of the trail, stopping just before the sheer drop-off.

Reed dropped onto his knees. Judging from the pain in his lower body, he suspected that the impact may have broken some of his ribs. Sihok, his anger spilling over, lunged for the prone, disarmed Reed. But the descendant of Triff would not give up so easily. From his robe, he produced a palm-sized object somewhat resembling a pinecone and threw it in Sihok's path. It burst into fragments, many needles burying themselves between his scales and creating bright white smoke. _'Man, he really had the hang of alchemy,' _observed Blah. With the provided cover, Reed scrambled for his clarinet. As soon as it was back in hand, he swung high, tearing the dragon's wing from behind and crushing his chances of using the air to gain an advantage in this fight.

The Conqueror went into a pained frenzy, swiping with both claws like mad, no more than a split second in between attacks. At the same time, he inched forward, driving Reed backward and gaining ground. Some of the slashes hit his robe, which was surprisingly resilient, but he made sure to dodge or block as many as he could. The two were nearing the mountain cave entrance. Blah could swear that he saw a few good opportunities for Reed to get a counter-hit in, but he continued to be on the defensive. It was as if Reed was leading him into a trap. He leaped back a few feet from one last swipe and stood in the opening, awaiting his opponent to follow. Sihok, perhaps blinded by sudden confidence that such a small space would prove to be in his favor, jumped in after him. The fight was completely outside of the crowd's view at that point.

Blah stood up instinctively, but Broshi grabbed his leg. "Better not push it," he warned sincerely. Blah sat down again, disappointed, and waited along with everyone else.

"...well now what," asked Hail after about a minute of silent waiting to see if they would come out again. Occasionally, an echo of the sounds of battle would escape through the mouth of the cave, but it was nothing that gave any indication as to the state of the battle, other than that it was still going on.

"Sera, I don't suppose you could reach in there with your mind or something?" Blah pleaded.

_"I'll see what I can do." _Seraphina's eyes tightened as she began to concentrate. There was a flash of light, almost like an arc of electricity that connected her head to the TARDIS, lasting about as long as a lightning bolt. Another flash, and then a third, in quicker succession, and then the arc spread to the heads of all of the spectators. A vivid image replaced their vision, the inside of a dark chamber which gradually brightened as their eyes adjusted.

"What the..." Hail was befuddled. He looked around frantically, as the vision was so real he thought for a moment that he had teleported into the cave. He still felt the mountain under him, and heard the gasps of the other observers. "Since when could you do this...?"

"Looked like she communicated psychically with the TARDIS," Blah guessed. "And then it amplified her brain waves?"

"We can discuss semantics later," Tails spurned, focusing on the two clashing silhouettes.

As the image's clarity reached its peak, the chamber in all its detail was revealed to them. The circular room was dimly lit with candles, three statues forming a triangle around what looked to be an altar. Each of the statues depicted one of the three Morosian gods, which assumed the likenesses of their respective races, but the Jemento and Triff statues were in poor shape. A voice was heard muttering a concerned prayer from the back of the crowd. Blah and the others could make out the various wounds on both combatants; the same ones from before, but each warrior had a few new scratches. Sihok had grabbed a huge, cracked, heavy pillar, which forced even the powerful dragon to use both of his arms to carry. Reed held his clarinet out as he backed up towards the wall, against the Triff statue.

"Do you come here seeking sanctuary, mammal?" Sihok teased. "Surely your frail 'goddess' cannot approve of the violent turn your style has taken."

"A bold move, insulting a Goddess in Her own temple," Reed jeered. "Bold, or suicidal."

"Eho's power far surpasses that of His former sister!" hissed the beast. "I myself am the Conqueror, he who was chosen to carry out His wishes, and bring all of Moros to a new era. The weak shall perish, and the strong shall rule!"

"So it has always been - the weak cannot hope to survive against the strong. But your fault lies with your misunderstanding of the concept of strength. Genocide is not necessary for the growth of a world; it is a delusion brought upon by the weak to deny their weakness. You are afraid, Sihok. Afraid of that which you can not grasp. And so, you seek to destroy it, rather than swallow your pride and open your mind."

A fire erupted behind Sihok's reptilian eyes. "How dare you..." he sputtered. Though his rage was overwhelming at this point, he still hesitated, processing the words spoken by the Page of Doom. "Destruction, a sign of weakness... by your logic, you are weaker still! How can you condemn genocide when you are not above it? Yes, you have slaughtered, just as I have. We are the same, Reed." The fox was silent as his adversary looked down upon him. "However, there is one thing that sets us apart... My god teaches discipline and vengeance... qualities that I have embraced with fierce loyalty. The one you claim to follow teaches compassion and forgiveness. Have you not compassion for the lives that you have taken? Forgiveness for them? For me? For yourself?" Reed's head sunk, unable to justify a response. "Perhaps a change of faith is in order. Your kind, and our Jemento brothers, have converted in the past. Eho welcomes those who know their place. It is the natural order: to survive, one must either rule or serve."

Reed's eyes were welded shut, tears leaking from within. He gripped his clarinet tightly, remembering when his instrument used to bring joy and peace instead of only causing harm. He couldn't believe the path he had taken, and the people who suffered because of him. He had told himself that he was doing the right thing, perhaps, as he realized now, in the wrong way. Despite this, he knew, deep in his heart, that Sihok was wrong, somehow, and that joining him would only make things worse. He couldn't risk hurting anybody again. "I will never serve you."

Sihok smirked toothily. "Then I have no need of you."

Reed had met his destiny, and he was not ready for it. The pillar slammed into the side of his head, an unpleasant resounding crack establishing the silence. His body bounced into the statue, the last of it crumbling away as Reed stumbled forward, collapsing onto the altar in the center.

The audience watched the blood trickle from his mouth. The misguided hero had fallen.

Sera allowed the vision to fizzle out, returning everyone's newly blurred eyesight. Blah buried his face in his hands. _'It isn't fair,'_ he thought._ 'He deserves another chance... he only wanted what was best for everyone...'_

Blah felt a hand on his shoulder. "Don't feel too bad, man..." It was his own voice, Blahsprite. "Tragedies are bound to happen in doomed timelines. Our advantage here is that they can be prevented... we just need to go back to the alpha line and give him a hand..."

Blah looked up at his reflection with anguished disbelief. "You're acting as if that's not a big deal," he stated shakily. "We just watched someone die, someone who was one of the last hopes of this world... it's an alternate universe, yeah, but it has real people who are in real danger. They aren't even aware that they're doomed." He looked down. "And to think, there are billions of worlds like this, falling apart as we speak... each one a different mirror image of what could go wrong... a very real possibility that you may screw up in the same way..."

"Uh... Guys," Broshi uttered, "I don't think it's over quite yet."

"What do you-" Blah looked back at the cave. There was a light inside almost as bright as that of the sunlight outside. His eyes widened. "The altar... Quick, Sera! Show us the inside aga-"

KABOOM. The entire peak of the mountain exploded, sending mammoth chunks of rock avalanching below. The chamber was exposed to the open air, the interior now as wrecked as the exterior. Sihok had been forced onto his back, propping himself up with his arms and staring, mouth agape, at the sight of the figure that floated in the space the mountain used to be. It was clearly Reed, his robes now a dark, grey-green color, a softly pointed hood over his head. His cape flowed with the dark aura that surrounded him. A black symbol was prominent on the front of his garb, a circular shape that resembled a cross between a cog and a skull.

Reed let himself drop to the ground, landing on top of the altar that Blah had finally recognized as his Quest Bed. Sihok was speechless at the Triff's revival.

"I may not know what is best," Reed spoke, his voice now powerful and commanding, "but I know what is wrong. The path to righteousness is paved with sin, and it is only by recognizing your misdeeds that you can walk upon it. And I will start with you."

With a raise of his hand, a ray of darkness shot out at Sihok and blanketed him in death. Inside, he could hear the pleading, praying echoes of a million ghosts, innocent voices brought to death because of him and his efforts. In that one moment, he felt all of the pain he had ever inflicted, simultaneously. Inside the orb of darkness, a second lasted an eternity as regrets began to pile up, weighing down his soul. When the beam faded, there was nothing left of the Conqueror but a pile of bones and a dried pool of tears.

"Your nightmares have just begun," Reed finished. "Welcome to Hell."


	34. Supercharged

Chapter 34: Supercharged

"That... was INSANE." Hailstorm was the first down from his perch. He stared at the skull of Eho's avatar for a few seconds, and turned back to Reed. "How did you do that?!"

"Triff has blessed me with the powers of justice and atonement," Reed explained. "Sihok was only the beginning - now I can set upon the path to righting all of my wrongs, from sloth to wrath."

"Now THAT is the Reed we know and love!" Giango patted him on the back.

"The perks of being a God Tier," said Blah. "I am so jealous by the way."

"So, Blah... you wish to seek my help?" Reed turned to the human.

"Ok, as I was saying before that ground-breaking revelation..." Blah transitioned. "Bear with me here. We're not even from this timeline. Most of us, I mean. We stumbled across a future we didn't anticipate, and with the help of a time machine we brought its only two survivors here. However, this time machine is incapable of jumping between timelines, so we can't get back. You wouldn't happen to know anything about alternate universes, would you...? Or at least how Sihok managed to send his troops halfway across space to attack Earth?"

Reed turned his gaze to the sky. "Perhaps... I've learned a few things from the Conqueror which sound suspicious... he's tried to keep it secret, but occasionally a hint or two would slip. The very fact that he allows converted Jemento and Triff to join his ranks has always puzzled me..."

"Yeah, that's not how Eho works," Blah recalled. "So it sounds to me like there's more to his plan than total annihilation. Which means he's probably serving under someone who isn't Eho." And then he remembered. "Oh! Have you ever been to that other planet in the medium? And what became of Bellia?"

"Bellia..." Reed lowered his head, reliving a past moment. "She was taken down by Sihok's forces near the beginning of the session. I have never been to her land since."

"Which means whoever Sihok answered to probably resides on her planet now." Blah turned back towards the rest of his squad. "Which means that'll have to be our next destination if we want answers."

"Ok... guess I'll fire up the TARDIS again," Tails agreed as he headed back for said ship.

"Not gonna happen," Blah interrupted. "We can't risk our enemies getting their hands on it. Thankfully, Skaia gives its players a means to travel between the planets naturally. We just need to go back to Reed's house and take the second gate above it." He turned back to Reed. "You DID build that high already, right?"

Reed shook his head. "We only made it to the first gate," he lamented. "I didn't even try to reach the second. The thought of visiting the area where my friend had been killed wasn't very appealing to me..." He looked to the remains of Sihok, then down at his new demigod outfit and clenched his fist. "Until now."

"So, let's move out!" Blah gestured back to the TARDIS. "We'll take this as far as Reed's place and then cheat our way up to the second gate."

"...how do you plan on fitting an entire battalion in there?" Reed tilted his head as he gauged the size of the tiny blue box.

Blah sighed with a tired smile. He now knew the Doctor's pain. "You'll see."

* * *

><p>The TARDIS re-materialized in the front yard of a huge skyscraping structure. It had originally been a darkened stone brick manor, but portions of it had been duplicated and stacked on top of it like a giant copy-and-paste job. It stretched several stories tall and ended just below the first of a series of spinning spirograph-shaped portals stationed in the air, all lined up and leading to the faint outline of Skaia.<p>

Reed was the first to step out of the TARDIS. "Mother of Triff..." he gasped, "I've seen a lot of strange things but this machine really steals the show..."

"You get used to it," Blah shrugged, following him out. "Anyway, some of us can fly but if we want to get everyone through we'll need to alchemize some stuff. What do your grist reserves look like?"

"The imps stopped coming not long after Bellia's untimely death," Reed explained, "so I've had to improvise by recycling objects... with the clarinet, the tunic, and the grenades, I used nearly everything I had..."

"So... in other words, kind of broke," Blah filled in the blanks. Reed nodded. "I-or rather, Blahsprite, has a TON of build grist that we're not using, but nothing else. Hmm... maybe we have something we don't need anymore... Everyone, check your possession for things that are obsolete or worthless."

Blah slung his backpack around, and everyone else checked their personal inventories. Blah first pulled out the card containing the Breaker, memorized the code, and set it aside. He couldn't find much of anything else he didn't mind parting with, however.

The sound of several objects dumping out in a pile caught the attention of everyone, who turned around to see Broshi standing in front of Sihok's dismantled skeleton. "How's that?"

Hailstorm shuddered. Blah grimaced. Reed raised an eyebrow.

"I don't see any problem with it," Giango stated, followed by general agreement and mild nervous chuckling from his squad.

Each one carrying some of the burden, the gang brought the bones to Reed's Alchemiter, which sat in the music room, a room that was once furnished with a wide collection of musical instruments but now only housed stands and cheap folding chairs.

The bones were all set in place and Blah handed Reed a blank captchalogue card. "Take this to your Punch Designix and put in this code exactly: PCHOOOOO. That's P, C, H, and five O's, all caps. I trust you know what to do from there."

Reed nodded and left the room. Blah glanced at Reed's computer, an old-fashioned 90's desktop hooked into a generator. The SBURB client labeled the skeleton "The Conqueror Conquered" and the grist values impressed Blah greatly. 1,000 build grist for starters, and several different types, including shale, sulfur, flint, and mercury, quantifying in the hundreds, as well as a handful of garnet and a single onyx. A few strokes and clicks of the mouse and the bones vanished into thin air, populating Reed's grist cache with a treasure trove. "This should more than cover the costs," Blah affirmed. The skeleton also appeared in Reed's phernalia registry, a catalog of all of the items that the Alchemiter produced or recycled over time. The codes for each item were available from that list.

Since Reed hadn't returned yet, and Blah was feeling curious, he set his newly acquired laser-pointer-like device on the pedestal and checked the monitor. The grist costs were rather high indeed, being 400 build grist, 300 cobalt, and 10 of a pure blue diamond-shaped grist type he had never seen before.

"Whoa whoa whoa is that a sonic screwdriver?!" Blahsprite exclaimed.

"Hah, yeah, it is," Blah scratched the back of his head. He had almost forgotten to show his friends the device. "I found it along with the Pwnhammer..."

"You should totally alchemize that with your phaselance!" Blahsprite suggested. "Sometimes on the long ride I fantasized alchemy combinations, and the Phaselance with a sonic screwdriver was one of them..."

"He just went on and on about it," Tails complained. "I couldn't concentrate."

"Oh my god, you're right," Blah agreed. "A sonic phaselance... That's like, the next-"

"Next logical upgrade, I knooow," Tails unamusedly remarked. "Now that you CAN alchemize it, could you either do it or stop talking about it please?"

"That's the thing though, we don't have any cobalt, or that blue stuff." Blah pocketed his sonic screwdriver. "Plus, this grist is reserved for Reed. I'll make it on my own time."

Reed returned to the music room, carrying a carved navy blue totem. "Carved and ready," he announced, putting it in the designated spot. The computer displayed the schematics for a red jetpack, decorated with orange flames and costing 40 build grist and 80 shale each. Blah calculated that they'd be able to make about 5 rocket packs with the grist that they had.

"5 packs... that should hopefully be enough," Blah said. "A lot of us can already fly, so if the rocket-wearers each carried another individual I think we can make it."

There was agreement all around. Reed took the cue and made 5 rocket packs, which the Jemento squad quickly distributed amongst themselves. The suited gang made their long climb to the roof of the tower-like manor.

* * *

><p>The first gate lay above them, a staircase leading up to it. The gate above was even higher up; where the first gate was at 12 stories, the second gate looked to be around 30. "I hope no one is afraid of heights," muttered Blah nervously. "Everyone, board your respective mounts."<p>

Hailstorm bent down, allowing Blah to ride as per usual. Broshi grabbed both of Tails's hands, Seraphina blinked atop Blahsprite's shoulders, and Pinkie Pie practically dove into Reed. Each of the rocketless Jemento soldiers paired up with another who had one.

"Alright, whoever you are," Blah told the sky, "Prepare yourself, because I'm bringing an army." He looked around as everyone braced themselves for flight. "On the count of ten, everyone blast off. One... Two... Thr-"

"Ten!" shouted an over-excited Pinkie Pie. The flyers immediately and nervously took off, startling all of the riders (besides Pinkie) into hanging on for dear life. The trip felt much longer than it was, but eventually each vehicle passed through the target gate one by one, Blah and Hail being the last.

_'Now it's OUR turn to face our destiny...'_

* * *

><p>The gate dropped the army off above a thick layer of clouds resembling dark smog, above which the peaks of a handful of scattered mountains poked through. Lightning struck between clouds frequently enough to rattle Blah's confidence a tad, and Hailstorm thought about how he might have nightmares in the future about having to contain this big of a storm. Very little extraterrestrial light shined through the uppermost layer of storm clouds, but the lightning was so abundant that it might as well have been a series of flickering lightbulbs.<p>

"So where are we supposed to be going?" yelled Hail to Blah above the roar of the wind and thunder. The rest of the group hovered uncomfortably above the storm, awaiting orders.

Blah squinted, carefully scouting the mountaintops. A bolt of lightning illuminated a detailed silhouette on the very top of a nearby peak. "Over there!" Blah shouted, pointing at the mountain. "That's gotta be it!"

Eagerly, Blah's forces made their way towards the shadow that flashed in and out of sight against the lightning. As they neared, Blah noted that it was a castle, one that he expected would be built up at least a little bit; however, it wasn't much bigger than any castle he had ever seen. And sure enough, the seven gates stretched above it through a hole in the clouds just big enough for them to be visible.

The place seemed abandoned. The walls were cracked and worn, even charred in some places where struck directly with a bolt of lightning some time ago. Hail cruised into landing at the ledge in front of the drawbridge, which was a decent size for stationing about 20 people. Their arrival was greeted with a massive thunderbolt that struck the central, circular tower.

The drawbridge was already open, revealing a barren grand hall. Aside from the dusty and forgotten SBURB equipment, the room was nothing more than a dark empty box.

"There's nothing here..." said Blahsprite softly. "This place has been empty for years."

"Well, no wonder," Pinkie observed, checking the dust on the Alchemiter platform. "Hardly anypony can come all the way up here to visit!"

"Hmm..." Blah rubbed his temples in thought. "I guess they're not here. Strange, I would've thought they'd put their base in a place where they could easily travel between planets..."

"Unless they travel by some other means," Tails considered. "That's entirely possible at this point."

"Well, I'm not leaving until we search every nook and cranny for clues," Blah proclaimed. "Everyone split up, and meet back here if you find anything. This castle shouldn't take too long for us to search."

"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie bounced off into a side chamber on her own. The others each formed small groups and went their separate ways.

"Hail, you're with me," Blah invited. "I'm going straight for the roof... I've got a hunch."

"You and your hunches," Hail said with a roll of his eyes as he followed Blah up the spiral stairs in the middle.

* * *

><p>A short climb up three flights later, they found themselves at the top of the central tower. Immediately, they noticed a figure sitting atop an especially elegant, dark red throne. This was a man, hunched over and leaning with both hands on a huge violet battleaxe. He looked to be about Blahsprite's age, perhaps slightly older, and his orange hair spiked upward in several places. He wore a teal outfit that was akin to medieval royalty, complete with long stockings. Seeing the human and pegasus, he smirked wickedly and sat up straight, revealing the light turquoise symbol on his shirt: a circle, with three curved tendrils sprouting from it equilaterally.<p>

"Ah, I was wondering when I'd finally get the chance to meet you face to face." He left the axe leaning on the throne, holding both his arms out with a flourish. "Welcome, Blahsadfeguie, Hailstorm. I take it you can fill your equine friend in on who I am?"

Blah, experiencing a world of disbelief, removed his glasses, clearing them with his shirt, and put them back on. Of all of the characters that Blah had designed over his lifetime, how could he have forgotten about the one who was arguably the most powerful of all of them? "Charge..." Speaking the name brought upon a wave of nostalgia, a feeling he never thought would seem ominous to him.

"Yep, that's me," he affirmed, as Hail raised an eyebrow. Charge's voice was highly reminiscent of Cody's, and he even had a similar look going for him.

"You're... a Prince... Prince of Mind..." Blah deduced from Charge's outfit.

"Ah yes, but that's not all," the Prince held up his finger, as he walked smoothly closer to the two of them. "Master of the Fist of Purple Lightning, caretaker of the pocket dimension known as Chargeworld, and rated number 2 among Multiverse Monthly's Top 10 Toughest Dudes of All Creation."

"...ok, you're just making that last one up," Blah argued.

"Who would number 1 be?" Hailstorm asked skeptically.

"Nobody important," Charge replied. "You'd never get to meet him anyway. But regardless, you've come here looking for answers, correct?"

"Of course," Blah said impatiently. He wasn't sure whether to trust this guy; on one hand, he was the avatar of his roleplaying adventures for most of his earlier childhood, but on the other, he was ridiculously powerful and had a rather unconventional agenda. Plus, Prince was far from the most trustworthy class in the game. "So you're a SBURB player... but I already know who each of the 8 players should have been... and there are only 2 lands in the Medium..."

"Heh, about that." Charge leaned on the side of the tower's fortifications. "I technically was never supposed to be a player."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blah demanded. "You didn't do anything to DJ, did you...?"

"I didn't," Charge said without skipping a beat. "Such a shame, what happened to him. I noticed the session was going awry, so I sort of snuck in to try and do my part... and you know, you - or at least your alternate future self - never would have survived if not for me."

Blah thought back to the lab, the alchemy equipment, his laptop... "You're moderatingDischarge." He facepalmed. "I can't believe I didn't make that connection sooner... Your quirk is kind of lame, by the way."

"We-he-hell," chuckled Charge, "that face that you type, the one with the 'L', what even is that supposed to look like?"

"I think we're straying a bit far from the subject here," interrupted Hail. "What I want to know is, what do you have to do with the Eho attacks? And the Conqueror?"

"I won't lie to you guys," Charge began. "I didn't cause those attacks, nor did I try to stop them. I was just letting history take its course."

"That's... something I might expect from a bard, not a prince," Blah declared. "Tell me, are you... aware of your current situation?" He didn't want to say outright what it is, in case he didn't already know.

"Oh yeah, I know this is a doomed timeline," Charge confirmed. "In the Alpha timeline, everyone is much more successful. I had a bit of help from the Seer to come to that conclusion."

"The Seer..." Blah ran through all of the players in his mind. "Sera?" Charge nodded. "Ok, that one was kind of a given. Anyway, I'm guessing you didn't bother with the Eho because you knew it wouldn't matter in the end."

"Bingo," Charge applauded. "All I had to do after reaching God Tier was wait patiently for you."

"So you could kill us?" Hail blurted out, cutting right to the chase. Blah glared at him.

"Haha, you're a bit paranoid, poor guy," Charge patted Hailstorm on the head, the pony recoiling. "No, I would never dream of killing you. I know that you seek to return to the Alpha timeline."

"You can take us back?!" Blah cried. He noted the excitement that he let slip through his voice, and he quickly toned it down. "That's it? Out of the kindness of your heart? Just gonna bring us straight back, no conflict whatsoever?" Alarm bells were going off all throughout Blah's head - Charge seemed helpful enough, but he couldn't believe that it would be this easy.

"I can, so I wouldn't be much of a hero if I didn't," he responded. "Chargeworld is a constant, a separate universe all its own; I can connect to any and all of my alternate selves through it. It serves as a gateway between timelines, so all we'd have to do is enter it and take the right door."

"...so wait, how do we know you're not the Alpha Charge then?" Blah furrowed his brow. "You could essentially switch places with yourself and nobody would notice."

"Doors to Chargeworld can only be opened from the timeline's side," Charge dismissed. "If at any point there is no Charge in a timeline, then the door will remain closed and all Charges would forever be barred from the Alpha timeline. Same thing applies if a doomed Charge stays in the Alpha and dies as per his fate. Death is something that not even I can predict, especially when selves are mixed and matched. Nobody understands exactly how that crap works."

"I see what you mean..." Blah cupped his chin with his hand thoughtfully. "Ok, one last question: do you know how we ended up here in the first place? How did we cross between timelines?"

"When you defeated the Wall of Flesh," the Prince told Blah, "the ancient spirits of darkness and light were released. With Ipsus's last breath, he was able to use his full power to shift the dimensions under your feet, bringing you to a timeline in which Ipsus still lives and then goes on to devour all. But I assure you, he's long gone in your world."

"He just never gives up, huh," Hail muttered.

Blah gave a disgruntled sigh. He still wasn't entirely convinced that Charge was telling the truth, but from the sound of it there wasn't any other way to go back to the Alpha timeline. "Mind if I round everyone up so we can make a decision together?"

"Go for it," Charge encouraged. "I've already waited this long, I can wait another few minutes." He sat back down on his throne.

* * *

><p>The group reunited back in the grand hall, all of them empty-handed. Except for Pinkie Pie, who had somehow acquired a fresh cupcake and was snacking casually.<p>

"There was nothing but barren halls and rooms that have been empty for years," Blahsprite reported. "Not so much as a crumb anywhere. Somebody did a good job of cleaning up. Everyone else reach the same conclusion?"

Quiet, disappointed chatter. Broshi couldn't help but stare at Pinkie Pie though. "That looks like something to me..."

"She probably has cupcakes stashed all over the universe in case of a cupcake emergency," Blahsprite sarcastically explained. "Believe me, that's just Pinkie being Pinkie. You get used to it." Pinkie nodded, voicing a few unintelligible syllables through her overstuffed mouth.

"What about Blah and the pegasus?" asked one of the Jemento soldiers.

"We're here, sorry," Blah called, as he climbed down the stairs and into the room.

"I have a name, you know," Hail scoffed, his doubt painting his words with scorn.

"Ok, so long story short," Blah hasted, "There's a guy up there who says he can get us back to the alpha timeline, BUT," he paused before the crowd hyped up, "He's extremely suspicious. He claims to have been trying to help, and that he's not ultimately behind the Eho attacks... but it just doesn't sound right."

_"I could read his mind and see if he is lying or not," _Sera offered.

"...oh, I forgot you could do that for a second," Blah admitted. "Ok, follow me, everyone. We'll get to the bottom of this."

Anxiously, the rest of the group followed Blah and Hail to the top of the roof. This sounded a bit too good to be true to everyone.

* * *

><p>"Ok, Charge," Blah addressed as he set foot on the top step, "I've brought everyone here. Repeat to them what you said to me, if you don't mind."<p>

"Sure." Charge stood up as the last of the Jemento joined the audience. "Basically, I can send you back where you came from. The alpha timeline, that is."

_"Indeed he can," _Sera mentally whispered to Blah and the others.

"And you have nothing to do with Sihok?" Blah questioned again, being as thorough as possible.

"What, you don't trust me? Your most loyal creation?" Charge crossed his arms. "Of course not, he acted of his own accord. Minus the times he claimed to have spoken to Eho, that is."

_"That is the truth..." _Sera verified again.

"And you don't want to hurt us," Hailstorm added cautiously.

"I'd never cause harm to you, we're on the same side after all," Charge reassured him.

_"Also positive," _Sera justified. _"His intentions are pure - he only wants to help us return to the game as it was meant to be played."_

Hail still didn't completely believe it; if Seraphina decided that he was being honest, then he was either perfectly legitimate... or a master of manipulation. He turned to Blah judiciously, and saw that he was already shaking Charge's hand. "Alrighty then," he heard Blah say, "Sounds good to me. I just want to go home, how about you guys?"

Sera nodded, and Broshi gave a thumbs-up. Hail clouded up, giving the trip one last thought. If he made the wrong decision, it could mean the end of everyone's journey. But if there was one person he trusted by now, it was Blah, and if he was convinced... ultimately, it was good enough for him. "Let's go," Hail said, his confidence slowly returning.

"Glad to hear it!" Charge reached for his battleaxe with both hands and raised it high above his head. The sudden motion made everyone uneasy again as the weapon crackled with purple jolts of electricity. With an expression of effort, Charge brought the axe down... on thin air. The slice divided the very space where it had traveled, creating a rift that opened into a purple haze. There was a collective sigh of relief. Charge laughed. "Hah, lighten up, guys! That's how I always open Chargeworld." He set down the axe, leaning on the handle and gesturing to the rift with his other hand. "Just step on through, my Alpha self has already directed it to his timeline."

"Awesome," Blah remarked, stepping towards the portal. He stopped before sticking his foot inside it, suddenly remembering. "One last question. Is it too late to help DJ or is your Alpha self replacing him in the player list?"

"I'm not sure myself," Charge said. "I had no choice but to join when the Earth was destroyed here, but circumstances are different in the main timeline. You might have time after all, if you hurry. As for Alpha me... he'll be busy preparing for the worst. Good luck!"

Blah gave a handwave. "You too, for whatever it's worth." He directed his wave to the rest of the crowd; since they belonged in this timeline, he figured they wouldn't be joining him. "See you all on the other side."

"Bye! I'll try to finish the TARDIS and get it to you later!" Tails saw them off as the Alpha heroes entered the portal one by one.

"Tell myself I said hi!" Pinkie Pie raised a hoof enthusiastically.

As Hail's tail disappeared into the rift, Charge swung his axe upwards along the seam, sealing it shut. "Alright, now that that's done..." Charge set his axe against the throne again and held up a board game. "Who's up for some Monopoly?"

* * *

><p>Hailstorm slowly came to. The world around him was naught but a colorful blur, and his dizziness prevented him from moving his limbs. But as his vision returned and he became more aware, he noticed that he had been taken to Ponyville. The town was as normal and lively as ever, even after having to be repaired twice.<p>

He looked around, and saw Twilight Sparkle running up to him, carrying Spike on her back. "Hailstorm! Glad to see you're ok," she greeted.

The pegasus stood up and stretched his legs and wings. "Me too, to be honest..."

"We heard about what happened," Spike said. "I guess now you can say you survived the underworld, huh?"

"Oh, it was a bit more than that..." Hail looked around.

"Where's Blah and the others?" Twilight asked.

"I was just wondering that myself. I was hoping he could explain everything instead of me." Hail scratched his head as he continued to scan the streets, becoming more concerned by the second. "I, uh, expected everyone to end up in the same place..."

"What happened?" Twilight mirrored Hail's amount of worry, as did Spike.

"Well, long story short, we ended up in an alternate universe and this guy who was another of Blah's 'creations' helped us get back by sending us through a portal..." He groaned exasperately, sprawling out on the ground. "I should've known he wasn't to be trusted."

"Hmm." Twilight cocked her head curiously. "Follow me to the library, you can tell us all about your trip and we'll figure it out from there."

"You know, they could have just been dropped off some other place," proposed Spike as the three headed back for the library. "I don't know how inter-dimensional travel works, but it can't be 100 percent perfect all the time."

* * *

><p><strong>And what a ride it was, ladies and gents. The story should now return to its normal pace of updating (if you could call it that). Have a good night!<strong>


	35. Divide and Conquer

Chapter 35: Divide and Conquer

"...and so Blah decided to trust Charge and take his portal," Hailstorm finished. "And we had no choice but to follow."

"Interesting," Twilight commented. She looked out of the library window. "Sounds remarkably like he was just manipulating the truth, or in other words, lying by omission. I've seen that happen on many an occasion." She looked back at Hail. "But, you say that Seraphina read his mind and didn't find anything suspicious. Even if he wasn't lying, she'd be able to tell if he was leaving out an important detail."

"Like I said," Spike cut in restlessly, "Maybe he really was trying to help, everyone else got back safely, and you just haven't found any of them because you haven't been looking? Not everything is a big deal, you know."

"I shouldn't have to, though," Hail denied. "Charge said that you can't get into a dimension through Chargeworld without some instance of himself opening the door from said dimension. So, we should've all came out through that door... all I remember is waking up in the middle of Ponyville already..."

"...and from what I understand," Twilight continued, starting to pace the floor, "if you had fallen out of the sky, or even been there out-cold long enough, you would've caught _some_pony's attention for sure." She stopped. "Argh! I just can't make any sense out of it..."

"Look," Spike spoke up again, "it doesn't hurt to search. Who knows, they might just be hanging out at Blahtown right now, wondering what happened to _you_."

Hail sighed. "I guess you're right... I'll go to Blahtown real quick. Maybe someone there can tell me something at least." He headed for the door. "Just keep an eye out, ok? And if one of them stops by here looking for me, tell them to wait."

Twilight nodded. "Of course."

Hail practically burst through the door, despite how heavy it seemed, already getting his running start to take off in flight. In seconds, he was airborne and heading for the town where his adventure began. With any luck, Blah would be there waiting for him.

"...the least he could do was close the door behind him," grumbled Spike.

"Well, we can't really blame him," Twilight languished, closing the door in his stead. "I'd be in a hurry too if any of my friends were missing..."

* * *

><p>Hailstorm landed in front of the oldest structure of Blahtown and hastily knocked on the door. There was no answer. "Hello, anyone home?" He peeked through the window. The wooden house was empty.<p>

Frustrated, he went to the next house, the one Blah had built specifically for entering the game with. He heard voices from inside, some of which sounded vaguely familiar but were definitely not Blah or the other would-be SBURB players. He knocked, and the voices stopped abruptly. Some tumbles and crashes sounded from inside. A second or two of silence, and the door opened by a crack. Hail could see a pale face with a distinct reddish nose. "Wah, nobody's home! Scram!"

"Waluigi, this is important." Hail had no more than a fraction of his patience left. "Is Blah there?"

"No! Just me! Wah!"

"Who were those voices I was hearing just now?"

"Nopo- NOBODY. PLEASE GO."

Hail stared up at the Demolitionist quizzically. "Well, can I at least have Blah's laptop?"

"NO YOU CANT I AM USING IT. WAH."

"Whatever it is, it can wait," Hail asserted. "Out of my way." He kicked the door down, repelling Waluigi and knocking him to the floor. His eyes met with the laptop sitting on the table. On the screen was a frozen image of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, covered by a 'pause' icon in the center. "What in the..."

Waluigi stared at Hailstorm, unable to move. "Oh... it's just you... wah... wahaha..."

Hail walked carefully up to the computer and clicked the mouse. The icon disappeared; the images moved and the voices resumed. He paused the video again, directing his disconcerted glance at Waluigi.

"I found them on Blah's computer," Waluigi said defensively. "They're not bad."

"I might care if we weren't in a state of crisis," diverted Hail. "Do you have any idea where Blah is?"

"Wah, haven't seen him since he went down to the caves with you!" Waluigi stood up and dusted himself off.

"Hmph. Bring up that chat window thing or whatever," instructed Hail. "I need you to type for me."

"If I do, can I get back to waaatching?" The normally emphatic Waluigi was oddly docile in his question.

Hail rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah."

Letting out a barely-suppressed cry of joy, Waluigi sat down at the computer, minimized the video, and brought up Pesterchum. Hail pointed to Astra's chumhandle, and Waluigi double-clicked it. Hailstorm began dictating.

- desultoryMonarch [DM] began pestering spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

DM: astra this is hailstorm we just got back from the underground except we also went to another timeline and when we came back blah wasnt there  
>DM: no wait thats kind of confusing erase that<br>DM: what are you doing you dont type that stop  
>DM: stop typing this isnt funny just stop and let me start over<br>SP: Um...  
>DM: sorry sorry hang on<br>DM: defeating the wall of flesh thats the boss of hell by the way allowed epsuss (wah i dont know how its spelled) to use the last of his power to send us to a timeline where he didnt die  
>DM: then we went on an adventure with a time machine invented by future tails who survived the world exploding with the help of future blah<br>DM: and we met this human named charge who looked really suspicious but he opened a portal back to this timeline which we all took  
>DM: but i awoke in ponyville and blah and the others were all missing<br>DM: future blah said that you were some kind of time expert do you know whats going on  
>SP: I wouldn't consider myself an expert, but a lot of the basics are just common sense...<br>SP: Timelines are completely separate from one another, in fact, there is an entire medium between timelines that one must pass through to get from one to another...  
>SP: So when traveling between them, your direction might deviate a little, whether intentional or not, and land you in a different part of the timeline...<br>SP: In other words, a different moment in time...  
>DM: whoa so blah and the others might have ended up in the past or the future<br>DM: is there any way for us to find out where or wait i should say when they might be  
>SP: I acquired some equipment recently that can pick up trace amounts of temporal energy and follow it back to its source...<br>SP: I could follow your trail to the doomed timeline and, since your trail should be close to those of the others, hop to them and follow them forward again...  
>SP: I'll be able to pinpoint within a month of their time period...<br>DM: that sounds like it should be good enough i hope  
>DM: can we meet in ponyville<br>SP: I'll have to install SBURB on my phone so I can keep tabs on Bellia while we're out, but sure...  
>DM: great see you there ok waluigi you can stop typing now seriously go back to watching ponies youre done<br>DM: WAH!

- desultoryMonarch [DM] ceased pestering spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

* * *

><p>Hailstorm once again landed in the middle of Ponyville. He had taken the return trip as quickly as possible, but he seemed to have gotten there early. Astra had not yet arrived. Instead of simply waiting, he made a beeline for the library.<p>

"They weren't at Blahtown," Hail reported as he opened the library door. "But I did talk to Astra, who said that they might have... separated from the path... and wound up in the past or future or something, long story short she's coming to Ponyville to try and figure out exactly when they ended up."

"Oh," said Spike, who was busy sorting through some books. "Well, good luck with that."

Hail looked around the library. "Where's Twilight?"

"She went to a party," Spike shrugged. "Said she needed something to take the stress off. And I'm stuck here looking after the library for her again..." He groaned. "And I really wanted to go to this party, too."

"Where's the party?" asked Hail. "I want to make sure Twilight is the first to know when we find out what happened to Blah. That'd help her ease up a bit too, I think."

"It's at Sugarcube Corner, of course," Spike explained. "...do you even care what the occasion is?"

Hail sighed to himself. He didn't have much time for distractions, but he didn't want to look like a jerk. "Sure, what's going on?"

"Light Star finally got his cutie mark. Can you believe it?"

Hail's eyes widened. In all the chaos and adventure, he had completely forgotten about his close friend. He couldn't even remember the last time they talked. The news that Light had apparently found his talent during his absence came as a huge shock to the pegasus. What could it possibly be that took him this long to figure out?

"That's good to hear... I just wish I wasn't so busy." Hail cleared his throat, washing down the surprise for now and getting back to the task at hand. "I'll have to pay him my congrats later. Astra could be here any minute."

"But..." Spike waned with confusion. "Ok, if you say so..."

"Later," Hail departed, closing the door behind him this time.

Now that he had a chance to get a second look, he noticed the streets were emptier than usual. This party must have been huge. He took off in low flight, getting a pegasus-eye view of the town in case she was waiting in a different street. There was one carriage going around town, heading in the direction of the library. He followed it curiously, and sure enough, it stopped at the giant tree, and Astra climbed out of it struggling with a large backpack. Hail went in for a landing.

"I'm here, sorry," Hail called out as his hooves touched the cobblestone.

"Oh, there you are," Astra greeted. "Looks like I got here just in time."

"Yeah... definitely," Hail scratched his ear nervously. "Anyway, how do we use this... thing that you have?"

"I need to be taken to the place where the portal dumped you out," she explained. "The signal will be strongest there."

"Uh..." Hail bowed his head, trying to remember. His re-entry was such a blur. "I think it was... the corner of Cherry Road and Modern Street?"

"Last trip?" the driving stallion asked. He looked like he was eager to get to that party as well.

"Should be," Astra assured, handing him a few extra bits and climbing back into the car. "Thanks a lot for your help. This thing is hard for me to lug around on my own."

"Don't mention it," the driver grunted as he trotted off towards the intersection. Hail followed by air.

The carriage came to a halt at the edge of Cherry Road. Hailstorm landed and helped Astra out of the door. She immediately set her pack down near the sunflower with a loud clank. "Thanks again," Astra called to the pony as he drove off.

"So how does this work?" Hail prompted as Astra took the machine out of the pack - or more accurately, took the pack off of the machine. It was big and rectangular, looking a bit like a giant early 21st century cell phone.

"In order for a physical object to safely pass through the space between timelines, or as I like to call it, noise," Astra began, screwing an antenna to the top of it and flipping a lever, "it must be coated with a unique kind of energy to protect it from the anomalies of the noise. This machine simply partially re-opens the vortex and follows the energy back."

"Anomalies?" Hail repeated, watching Astra press a few buttons to calibrate the process.

"Physical objects aren't supposed to enter the noise, so anything that isn't protected well enough might react unpredictably to the noise," Astra explained. "It could be anything from instant vaporization to a simple change of color, depending on the weakness of the barrier."

Hail took a panicked moment to examine his body closely. To his relief, nothing seemed to be different. "Looks like I came through ok..." he breathed. "But that sounds like a sneaky way to kill one of us off without anyone knowing, or being able to stop it..."

"We'll find out soon." Astra finished setting up the machine, and a blue beam shot into the sky, creating a small hole partway through filled with the same purple mist as before. Readings and numbers popped up on the screen, fluctuating rapidly. A simulated map of noise appeared, or at least that's what Hail identified it as. The beam traveled backward through a transparent white cylinder on the screen, from one field of green to another. Three more cylinders came into view, each one stemming from the one occupied by the beam and going a slightly different direction.

"Those would be your friends' paths," Astra narrated as she pressed a few more buttons. The beam curved around to the closest cylinder and followed it the other way. It intersected with the green field again, accompanied by some more numbers. "Looks like one of them landed... about a month ago."

"Not bad, but a lot can happen in a month," Hail noted. "How about the others?"

Running it back again, Astra followed the next trail, which went the other direction. "2 years into the future, month of April."

"2 years... a long time to wait for someone... I'm almost afraid to ask about the last one."

Astra repeated the process with the leftmost trail. She flinched at the result. "21 years in the past..."

Hail grimaced. "Yikes. We might have to hope Tails gets back to us with that time machine..."

"Well, I wish I could help you further, but I'm running out of time myself..." She began to power down and pack up the machine. "...you wouldn't happen to know anything about DJ, would you? His absence is what's really getting me worried."

"We're still not sure exactly what happened to him, but Charge said that it may not be too late to help him," Hail recalled.

"I see..." She carefully slung the backpack around her shoulder. "Good luck with everything. I have a lot of work to do and I can't wait much longer." She produced a 10-inch wide, half-inch thin device from a side pocket. "I got you the biggest tablet computer I could find. You operate it by touching the screen. If you need to contact me for anything, I'll be all ears."

Hail settled the tablet on the ground in front of him and studied it. He tested the touch screen by tapping the Pesterchum icon with his hoof. The basic window appeared, showing the chumroll which was already populated with the screen names of all his acquaintances that had used Pesterchum so far. "Wow, how'd you find time to set all this up...?"

"I'm good at multitasking." She began to jog the other way. "See you in the medium."

"See you then," Hail said, putting the tablet away. He supposed that his next stop would have to be the party, so he could tell Twilight about Astra's findings. And then, perhaps he'd stick around a bit for Light Star's sake. The two of them had a lot of catching up to do.

He thought about his old, and still very relevant life as he galloped to Sugarcube Corner. His boss might not be too happy with him being absent from work for months, but with his son getting his cutie mark, he could be in good enough spirits to overlook things... the winter season was approaching, the one season of the year that Hail actually loved to work.

As he saw the combination bakery and social hotspot, he heard some upbeat music leaking out of every crack; even Vinyl Scratch made it to this one. He wondered if he could slip in unnoticed, pretend as if he had been there the whole time.

Silently, he pushed open the door and ducked under a nearby table, letting the door gravitate shut behind him. The place was stuffed with ponies, more than he had ever seen at a party before... not that he'd been to many. The majority of them were up dancing in the center, or chatting casually off to the side.

It was hard to see from under the table, so Hail stealthily emerged close behind a passing trio of giggling mares, thankfully too wrapped up in their conversation to notice. He leaned on a counter, getting a head above the crowd and looking for purple and pink in particular.

"Heeey, Hailstorm," greeted a spunky female voice from behind. "Long time no see."

Hail turned his head to see a multicolored pegasus holding a small glass of punch. "Oh, hi Rainbow Dash, it has been a while," he answered, returning to his scouting.

"You know, pulling a double shift at the weather center every day gets kind of tiring after a while, even for me," she joked. "You better be saving the world out there, guy!" She kicked him in the shoulder playfully.

"Heh, you know it," he responded, less-than-enthusiastically.

"Looking for somepony?" Dash picked up on him quite quickly. "Light's in the middle. I've never seen him this confident before, it's like he's a whole new pony!"

Hail's eyes followed Rainbow's hoof and met with the colt of the hour. Light was just as Hail had remembered, with the addition of an uncharacteristic grin. He couldn't quite see the cutie mark from there, just a bit of white. Light Star was surrounded by ponies, dancing with them, not looking the least bit uncomfortable.

Hail smiled. "Yeah, it's good to see that he finally got his mark. Doesn't look like I'll get a word in edgewise right now, though." He laughed, Rainbow joining him. It definitely couldn't hurt to loosen up, just for a bit.

Just as Hailstorm contemplated joining them on the dance floor, the song ended with a flourish. Pinkie bounced on-stage. "Give it up for Vinyl Scratch, everypony!" There was much cheering and stamping of hooves as Vinyl bowed. "And now, for a pony who needs no introduction, because otherwise I'd just be talking FOREVER and this party isn't for me, it's for him! Light Star, get up here!"

Pinkie cleared the stage as the warm-colored mane made its way to the front. Light stepped onto the stage, giving everyone a good view of his newly-acquired image: six white, curved lines stemming from the center, in the shape of a galaxy. The crowd cheered again as he waved pompously. "Thank you... you're all too kind," he expressed as the cheering died down to listen.

"Welp, here we are," he began, showing off his flank and staring at it admiringly. "I never thought it'd happen, heck, WE never thought it'd happen, but here it is, my very own cutie mark! It all goes to show that if you want to find your purpose, all you have to do is keep trying, never give up, and eventually, all your hard work will pay off!"

Applause followed, which Hailstorm gladly joined. Such inspirational words from one who was so late at finding his own inspiration.

"Alrighty, I bet you'd like to hear about how I got it..." He inhaled deeply, and exhaled, an air of focus about him. The crowd grew anxious, as none of them had seen exactly what made his dream come to reality just yet. "So, magic, right? Before today, if anyone told you that an earth pony could cast spells, you'd laugh and laugh at them. But recently, I've been told that myself, and I believed it. You know how? One word. Blahsadfeguie."

Hail perked up. This was suddenly infinitely more interesting. The rest of the crowd did as well, recognizing the name of the mysterious human that saved the entire town from corruption that one day a few months ago.

"Blah isn't a unicorn, and yet he has demonstrated such bizarre and wonderful magic. Remember those party crashers that we thought were Marshmallow Buttercup and Petunia Glitterbottom?" There was an unsettling silence as nearly every pony at the party remembered awkwardly how they had been fooled up to that point. "Those two were masters of their art. The art called Hajike. When they were revealed, I just had to know how they were able to fool everyone for so long... I couldn't find either of them, but I heard that they saw a lot of potential in Blah, so despite my every instinct acting against me, I followed him into the Everfree Forest."

"You went into the Everfree Forest?!" roared a gruff, male voice from somewhere in the crowd. Hail recognized it as the unmistakable voice of his boss and Light's father, though he couldn't quite spot him among all the ponies.

"Yes, I did, Dad," chuckled Light. "We can talk about it later. I have a story to tell. You know, about how I finally got the thing you've been pushing me to get for upwards of a decade?"

His defeated dad grumbled, clearly conflicted. Light cleared his throat. "Rest assured, I remained safely hidden just off the path that Blah carved through it, fighting his way through slimes and timberwolves. Eventually, he stumbled across a clearing, occupied by a huge, angry dragon!" He paused for dramatic effect. The crowd was thoroughly gripped. "There, I witnessed Blah's Hajike first-hoof. Zooming forward like a rocket, he slammed his hammer into the dragon's underbelly, launching it upwards with impossible force!" He suddenly raised his foreleg as if pointing at the dragon from his memory, soaring into the sky and out of sight on the horizon. "When I saw that maneuver, something sparked inside of me. In that moment, I knew that this was the thing I had been missing all my life. I resolved to learn and perfect this art for myself so that I too could feel this power."

Light took a breath. "It took some effort, but I finally worked up the courage to go with Hail back to Blahtown. He and Blah left, suggesting I stay there and train. He didn't know I was interested in Hajike, but he didn't need to. Turns out none other than Marshma- I mean, Bo-bobo himself showed up to help me out! I was prepared to spend months, maybe even years mustering up the focus needed to conjure such miracles. But you know what he taught me?"

For no more than a second, his front leg stretched all the way to a table in the back, grabbing an entire tray of brownies and bringing it back to him. He flipped the tray, scattering the dozen or so brownies in all different directions. Without breaking a sweat, he caught each one in his mouth by leaning to them in turn at impossible angles and speeds. For the last one, he dove into the crowd, kicking off of the falling tray and snatching it like a dog would a ball. The tray landed on its side, and Light landed on top of it, balancing perfectly. "...manipulating space takes no thought at all!" There was a collective gasp, followed by a cheer as Light rolled the tray up the steps and back to his spot on the stage.

Hail blinked. He'd never thought about it that way, but there was one other pony he had known for a long time that could 'manipulate space' in a similar fashion. Had that been this Hajike all along?

"And that's when I earned my mark. It felt amazing to finally have that image on my flank that proves I'm worth something." His frame had taken on a much more solid, proud shape. "But I'm nowhere near a master of Hajike yet. My journey is just beginning. The next step, according to Bo-bobo, is to find a partner - someone on my level who I could spend a long time with, perhaps forever, where we can grow constantly stronger together with each other's support. When he said this, I knew exactly who that pony was going to be." He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the inevitable. "Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie's heart nearly leaped out of her throat at the mention of her name, as well as the fact that Light had somehow ended up in front of her, holding her hoof. The crowd backed away, giving them some space as Light gazed into her eyes. "Ever since we first met... do you remember that day?" She nodded silently, gazing back with bewildered, and yet curious eyes. "The one day that I decided to get out of the house for once, and run some errands for my parents. You were shooting the breeze with Applejack at her market stall. Our eyes met, just like this, and for a moment I thought I felt... a connection."

There was a soft, excited munching noise next to Hail. He glanced over and saw Don Patch eating some popcorn and listening intently. "This is my favorite part," he whispered to the pegasus.

"Ever since then, I just couldn't get you out of my mind," continued Light. "But, I couldn't say anything, because I was too embarrassed of my blank flank. How could a girl like you ever take a guy like me seriously? So I watched you foolishly from afar, never showing myself... and then one day, I barely worked up the courage to knock on your door... but after you answered, I faltered and ended up asking for something else instead..."

He presented a shining brass trumpet, recently polished and hardly used. "Of all things, a trumpet... one that I kept, wondering if you'd show up at my house one day and ask for it back, and give me another chance to tell you how I really felt... but no, you're far too sweet and patient for that." For once, Pinkie was completely speechless. "And you're much more than that, too. You're kind, amicable, not to mention a blast to be around, and you always look out for your friends. But we can be more than friends, Pinkie... together, we can pursue a life full of fun, magic, and adventure. And I know that you are the only one I can spend this life with. What do you say?"

Tears formed in Pinkie's eyes. Friendship was one thing, but to take it a step further... this was a completely new concept to her, and yet one that had always fascinated her. "Oh, Light Star..." She grinned. "There's not a lot that happens around me that I don't notice! Don't pretend I didn't see you all those times, standing off in some alley or hiding behind a haystack... but the truth is..." Pinkie leaned in closer. "I always hoped you'd come over to _me_!"

Light's eyes widened, and his mouth formed a nervous smile. "So does that mean..."

"Come here, silly!" Pinkie wrapped both forelegs around him and brought him closer, their lips touching, and Light followed through enthusiastically, embracing her back. Their eyes closed as the kiss exploded with previously hidden passion, so wrapped up with each other that they barely heard the crowd expressing their sentiments.

Hailstorm couldn't believe his eyes. One moment, Light was a shy, self-conscious loner, and the next, he had his hooves around one of the Elements of Harmony, in front of one of the biggest crowds Ponyville could get together. Don Patch sniffled. "I cry everytime..."

Pinkie and Light finally withdrew each other, the both of them satisfied in knowing that this wouldn't be their last close encounter. "All right DJ," roared Pinkie to Vinyl Scratch, "play us something HOT!"

Vinyl changed the records and, in an instant, a vigorous jam kicked on. Pinkie danced a wild dance, her spirits higher than ever, and it didn't take long for Light and most of the rest of the crowd to join in. Hail was still too busy mulling over what just happened to consider hopping in, but even Rainbow Dash and Don Patch had no problem stepping it up.

Hail absentmindedly glanced at the only other corner of the room without movement, and to his surprise, he saw a face staring back. He chuckled to himself, inaudibly thanks to the music. It was the pony he had come here to fetch in the first place.

Twilight smiled and carefully trotted across the room towards him. "Well, that sure was unexpected, huh?" Her voice was just loud enough to make out.

"No kidding," Hail replied loudly. "Wanna step out so we can talk?"

"Sure," she said simply, and the two shuffled out of the building.

* * *

><p>"...so long story short," Hailstorm finished as he and Twilight reached the library, "my friends are not dead, just scattered across time."<p>

"Well..." Twilight pondered as she opened the library door, "Surely the ones in the past, assuming both of them have survived this long, will find a way to contact us soon... but unless we get that time machine, we have quite a bit of waiting on our hands for the last one..."

"Hang on," Hail urged on their way in, "Don't you have a time travel spell or something that you used once?"

"It's not that easy," Twilight explained. "I doubt I could gather enough energy to travel more than a week at a time, and bringing a non-user of magic along is another matter entirely..."

"Gah." Hail shook his head. "I guess we'll just have to keep thinking..."

"Spike!" called Twilight. "You can go to the party now. It's just getting started, in fact." There was no answer. "Spike? How strange, I thought he'd come running at the sound of that..."

"He would if he were here," Hail stopped Twilight just as she was about to check upstairs. There was a note on the desk. Twilight hastily snatched it up with her horn and incredulously began to read.

"Dear pestiferous ponies, I noticed that adorable dragon pet of yours was feeling a little claustrophobic, so I took him out to play. In an even smaller cage, that is! If you want him back, come and find us... if you dare! P.S. Feel free to bring as many of your technicolor friends as you want. You know what they say, the more the merrier!"

Hail knew exactly who left the note. "Eggman..." He slammed his head on the desk. "What do these villains have against ponies...?"


	36. Ponies: The Gathering

**AN: Hi, I'm not dead. I've actually had this chapter and much of the next sitting around for a while; sorry for not actually finishing/uploading it, I guess I was just worried that it wasn't entirely ready to be seen by the world? And then I remembered that the whole point of this thing was for me to not care so much about what the world thought and just write. And I did. So here it is, enjoy if you will :L**

* * *

><p>Chapter 36: Ponies: The Gathering<p>

KABOOM!

All of the rocks, dirt, and ore within a 10-meter sphere collapsed into a pile in front of Hailstorm.

_"This sounds suspiciously like some kind of trap," Twilight had said. "Otherwise, he wouldn't have been so obvious about what he had done... still, we can't just leave Spike at the mercy of some villain."_

The pegasus sifted through the rubble, picking out all of the useful metals as he recalled what the unicorn had told him.

_"So this time, we're coming prepared. I'm going to gather up the Elements of Harmony, and anypony else who can help."_

Hail readied another stick of dynamite and planted it on the wall in front of him, then ran back, getting as much distance as he could.

_"From what I've heard, his technology is far advanced, even for a human, so you can go back to the mines and extract as much material as you can, for armor and other equipment."_

_'It's about time I get a proper suit of gold armor,' _thought Hailstorm as he covered his ears in anticipation of the next explosion.

_"We may not have Blah, but we can still figure out what Eggman's up to, and do whatever we can to put a stop to it."_

KABOOM!

* * *

><p>The trees and the hills rushed by at over a hundred miles an hour. The car was far from silent, but it certainly seemed that way without Waluigi's constant bickering with its current driver, who was busy leaning way back in the seat with his feet resting on the wheel, casually picking his nose. Astra sighed. The back of Wario's car was the last place she wanted to be at that moment, but she needed a fast ride to her friend's side.<p>

Her phone vibrated. Happy for the potential time-killer, she picked it up and saw that someone was pestering her. Someone she had never talked to before.

- jesterishDeliveryman [JD] began trolling spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

JD: _this is a pointless VENTURE, you KNOW._  
>JD: _your FRIEND is already DEAD. there is NOTHING you can DO._<br>SP: Or you could be saying that to prevent me from going there and saving him...  
>JD: _keep telling yourself that, SISTER._<br>JD: _whether he's ALIVE or NOT, i'll still be there WAITING for YOU._  
>JD: _soon you will JOIN him in the GRAVEYARD._<br>SP: Are you trying to be intimidating?...  
>SP: Because if so, you could have picked a better text color than lime green...<br>JD: _awwww MAN!_  
>JD: _looks like i've been found OUT. no KILLING for me TODAY!_<br>JD: _seriously though, you don't have to be INTIMIDATING to be DANGEROUS._  
>JD: _just look at DON PATCH._<br>JD: _or PINKIE PIE._  
>SP: Pinkie Pie?...<br>JD: _do you remember the MIRROR POOL INCIDENT?_  
>SP: The what?...<br>JD: _oh RIGHT. i forgot that that never happened in your CONTINUITY._  
>JD: _it was a pretty good EPISODE though._<br>JD: _see PINKIE wanted to be EVERYWHERE at once so she made a bunch of CLONES with a MAGIC POOL._  
>JD: _naturally, this lead to utter CHAOS and CONFUSION._<br>JD: _my two VERY FAVORITE THINGS!_  
>SP: I don't know what you're talking about, nor do I really care...<br>SP: Just know this: whoever you are, and whatever you did, I will find you, and I will kill you if necessary.  
>JD: _ooooOOOOOOOH!_<br>JD: _she used a PERIOD instead of an ELIPSIS. that means she's being EXTRA SERIOUS!_  
>JD: _listen to me, MURDERER in the making. if i could defeat BO-BOBO and his FRIENDS... what chance do YOU have against ME?_<br>SP: You have no idea.  
>SP: The pain that I am going to inflict.<br>SP: On a maniac like you.  
>JD: _hahahaHAHAHA!_<br>JD: _this is getting GOOD! excuse me while i make some POPCORN._  
>JD: _i just hope you GET HERE by the time I finish EATING IT._<br>SP: You'll be eating something else after I'm through with you.  
>JD: _your BONES, MAYBE!_<br>JD: _see you AROUND... the OBITUARIES!_

- jesterishDeliveryman [JD] ceased trolling spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

There weren't many things that could faze Astra, but this guy was one of them.

* * *

><p>"Wah, back for more dynamite?" Waluigi asked without turning away from the computer screen. By this point, he had gotten used to Hailstorm coming and going.<p>

"I spent nearly all I had," Hail turned him down, dragging a large sack full of gold and other ores and sweating intensely. He stopped, taking a moment to catch his breath. Waluigi, hearing the large mass scooting across the floor, took a curious glance which quickly turned to one of awe.

"Wah?!" Waluigi gasped. "How did you get that much... GOLD?"

"Explosions," Hail simplified. "Lots and lots of explosions. And it was worth it."

Waluigi eyed the sack greedily as Hail dragged it over to the furnace and began smelting like mad. As the bars piled up, drool started to visibly form in the corners of the thin man's mouth.

Hail then darted between chests and buildings, collecting as many bars as he could of all metals and putting them all together to see how much he had to work with in total. Fitting 7, possibly more ponies in full armor would take a ridiculous amount of resources. As he looked at the bars, he noticed that he had a sizable amount of meteorite bars as well, 112 to be exact.

"...where did all this meteorite come from?" Hail muttered, half impressed and half afraid.

"Wah, maybe that's what that blue guy was up to..." Waluigi scratched his head.

"Blue guy?" Hailstorm thought about who he knew that was blue. "Sonic?"

"Yeah yeah that's him," confirmed the demolitionist. "He stopped by many times while I was watching these videos, wah. Once he shouted something about... a lot of meteors falling...?"

"He must've ran around, mining out those meteors for us..." Hail inferred. "Wow, I never thought that a meteor apocalypse could turn out to have a bright side..." He stared at the bar piles again. "Now, if only we had Cody to tell us what we can make out of this..."

Waluigi thoughtfully looked back at the table where the laptop was sitting. A book that had been there a long time caught his eye again, one entitled "Terrarian Crafting for Dummies". He tossed the book in Hail's direction with a nonchalant "wah".

It hit the ground in front of the startled pony and flipped open to a page containing a detailed step-by-step diagram of how to assemble a lamppost from a handful of iron bars, some glass, and a torch.

"Oh... That works." He flipped through the book looking for the meteorite recipes, stopping on the page detailing the set of armor. He figured he might have to search for a few other books more specialized on the equine body structure, but this trip just got that much more interesting.

* * *

><p>Twilight stepped back into Sugarcube Corner along with the newly-gathered Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. The party was starting to wind down a bit by then, as she had counted on. Some ponies were taking a break from all the dancing, Rainbow Dash included, but Light Star and Pinkie Pie were still dominating the dance floor.<p>

"Rainbow Dash," called Twilight as the squad approached. "Spike was kidnapped by Dr. Eggman while everypony was distracted by this party. I'm bringing the Elements of Harmony to rescue him."

"Eggman?" Rainbow replied. "Isn't he the one Blah found in the Everfree Forest barely alive?" Twilight nodded. "Doesn't bringing all of the Elements seem a little excessive?"

"That's what I said!" Rarity chimed in. "But we can't afford to risk being outmatched, what with Blah missing and all."

"Yes, we wouldn't want to have to send a second rescue party... again..." Twilight reminded everyone. Applejack scratched the back of her ear with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah yeah, I hear ya." Rainbow stretched. "Alright, let's get cracking. It is for Spike, after all."

"All right, now we just need Pinkie..." Twilight looked to the center of the floor. Neither Pinkie nor Light were present. "Uh..."

"Don't worry, we heard everything!" Pinkie leaped off of the counter, giving nearly everyone a heart attack, especially Fluttershy, who dove behind Applejack. Light was right behind her. "Things were so much more peaceful around here before our universe got mish-mashed with a bunch of others, I mean don't get me wrong, some of the people are nice, but let's just say that there are some that I'd miss a little less than others! Oh and also can Light come with us? I promise he'll behave and he can be useful too!"

"Wait, really?" Light interjected. "I'm not an Element of Harmony or an adventuring crossbow-wielding pegasus... you sure I wouldn't just be dead weight?"

"Oh, don't say that, Lightsy!" Pinkie reassured him, putting a front leg around his shoulders. "You have that hodge-cake thing, you'll be fine!"

"Two reality-bending ponies?" asked Twilight with a laugh. "If that doesn't give Eggman a hard time, I don't know what will."

"Of course, they might also give US a hard time," Rainbow joked. She saw Light looking down as if he thought she was being serious. "Hey, man, I was only kidding," she kicked his shoulder playfully. He returned an unsure smile.

"Yay!" Pinkie jumped joyously. "This might even be fun!"

"Everything's fun for you, Pinkie Pie," Applejack snickered.

"Oh. I guess you're right!" She followed the other ponies, who were making their way towards the front door.

* * *

><p>There was a knock on the door as Hailstorm was putting together a suit of silver armor with some of the last of his materials.<p>

Waluigi had gotten bored a long time ago, and he had returned to watching My Little Pony. Hearing the knock made him scramble for the mouse to pause it.

"Waluigi, could you answer that please?" Hail asked, going back and forth between the books and the armor, trying to get the details just right.

"Wah..." Reluctantly, he walked over to the door and opened it. Seeing the seven ponies, his eyes grew wide, as did the ponies' at the sight of the strange-looking man.

"You're... You're..." Waluigi could not contain his bemusement.

"You're funny-looking," Pinkie stated. "And I mean ha-ha funny, not weird-funny, hehe!"

"I'm sorry, but... what were you saying?" Fluttershy curiously uttered, but the cosmic stare that Waluigi responded with made her recoil.

"Um..." Twilight could barely find the words as to what was happening. After a few seconds, she finally managed to snap out of it and break the silence. "Right, is uh, Hailstorm around?"

"Right here," he called from inside. "I'm just about finished with the armor. Twilight, I think you're going to like what I have for you..." He looked up at Waluigi and sighed. "Could you stop standing there with that look on your face and let them in?"

"Wahahaha... wah..." Waluigi squeaked, awkwardly scuttling aside and letting the ponies inside. They walked into the house cautiously and were met with the sight of several suits of armor on wooden pony-shaped frames. Three of them were full gold, one was silver, two were iron, and one was purple. Hailstorm placed the silver helmet on one of the mannequins' heads and waved at the ponies. "Hey, make yourselves at home, I'm just about finished."

"Ooooh!" Pinkie bounced up to one of the gold sets. "So shiny!"

"My, my," Rarity exclaimed, staring apprehensively at the armor. "Do I really have to wear one of these? Honestly, they're a bit... drab."

Hail closed his eyes to prevent them from rolling in full display. "You'll live, Rarity. Especially since that's what armor is designed to help you do."

He cleared his throat before the white unicorn's scowl could become another dissatisfied remark. "So I only had enough material for 3 sets of gold armor, but I figured that shouldn't be a problem because Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy would benefit more from a lighter iron suit. I also had enough for one silver, a fair compromise. However, that brings me to the highlight of my collection..."

He walked over to the purple suit of armor. Its pauldrons were decorated with red and yellow, and looked rather futuristic, especially for ponies - the helmet even had a visor. "This is a Meteor Suit. The book tells me that it increases magic damage when worn, so I made one especially for you, Twilight."

The purple unicorn studied the armor closely. "Thanks..." She wasn't entirely sure about it from just the looks. It didn't exactly strike her as being any kind of magic enhancer. Carefully, she picked up the helmet with her magic, and already she could feel a bit of an extra kick from it. She put on the full set of armor, and felt a surge of energy in her horn. It was also comfortably warm and relatively light-weight. Her eyes widened with unexpected satisfaction, as did most of the other ponies, who were now circling around in admiration. "This... actually feels really liberating..." she muttered, examining various parts of the armor.

"Well!" exclaimed Pinkie, "Does this mean I can put on my own shiny suit now? Please please please?"

"And, um," Fluttershy softly spoke from the corner, "I appreciate all the work you've done for us but um... there are only seven suits of armor, and, well, eight of us..."

"Eight?" repeated Hail, doing a quick head count and stopping at Light Star. "...You're bringing him? Are you sure?" Light's gaze slowly drifted downward. "I mean, no offense, but do you think you can-"

"Oh, we've been over this," Pinkie interrupted, halfway through slipping into one of the gold bardings, "He'll be fine! The more the merrier after all, and I wouldn't want to miss out on an opportunity to hang out with my new boyfriend! Besides, you still have some of your old armor, right?"

Hailstorm blinked, then checked one of the other chests. "...just some copper, but..."

"Great!" Pinkie dove into the chest and flung the copper pieces at Light from halfway across the room, forcing Applejack to duck. The panicked Light barely caught the helmet on his head, and the breastplate in his mouth, which weighed him down and caused him to miss the leggings, which bounced off the walls and buried him. Waluigi burst out into laughter, but the stares from most of the ponies cut him off, and he hunched himself over the computer again in embarrassment.

The room was met with silence as the ponies finished preparing themselves for battle. The earth ponies each received a suit of gold, except for Light who shakily donned the copper; Rarity settled with the silver, and the pegasi were fitted with iron. Hailstorm equipped the final gold armor, but realization struck him when his attempt to casually hover in the air landed him rather violently on his head.

"Ow..." he uttered, rolling over onto his feet. "That's right... I'm a pegasus too..." He had spent so much time envying Blah's gold armor that he completely overlooked the fact that it wouldn't suit him very well.

"Well, I would've said something," said Rainbow Dash, flying next to him with little difficulty in her iron suit, "but you looked so happy putting that on... and I'll admit, I kinda wanted to see you fall," she added with a chuckle, which was met with a crude stare from Hail.

"If y'all ask me," Applejack chimed in, "it'd make more sense if you just wore the copper." Clunk.

Hail closed his eyes slowly, finishing it with a sigh. The thought of downgrading from his original iron back to copper was not exactly appealing to him. "Do I have to...?" Clunk.

"If y'all want to fly, I reckon you should," Applejack replied bluntly. Clunk. Light certainly didn't seem adverse to this idea.

"Well... it's just after all this time..." Clunk. "Ok, what exactly is that noise?"

Everyone turned to the corner, where Fluttershy was busy trying to lift herself off of the ground and crashing silently. Clunk. Seeing all of the eyes on her, she backed up against the wall. "S-sorry..." she squeaked, "but I really can't even fly in this... and Rainbow makes it look so easy and..."

"It's ok, Fluttershy," Twilight consoled her. "You can wear the copper armor, it's much lighter and it's better than nothing. Are you fine with that?" The yellow pegasus nodded softly. "Good. And Hailstorm, you get the iron armor, so no loss on your part."

"Yeah... all right," Hail begrudgingly agreed, and the ponies proceeded to perform a triple armor swap.

Waluigi took a sip from his mug. "Wah, best episode yet," he praised under his breath.


	37. Special Delivery

Chapter 37: Special Delivery

The tricked-out purple car screeched to a halt. Astra almost didn't need the momentum to fling herself out of it and start her sprinting towards her destination: a fancy neon green night club, "Veggie Vegas" printed across the top in large flashing letters, lights pointed at the sky and every which way. On a good day, these lights would be strobing in time with some upbeat music, bass shaking the ground, people lined up from miles around to get their groove on. But not today. The lights were all off, and the structure was silent as a funeral home. Despite the haunting sickness that wrought Astra, she pounded on towards the double doors, determined to save her friend.

"Hey!" shouted the gruff voice of the driver. "What about the fare?!"

"I'll pay you when DJ isn't in danger," Astra called back coldly.

Wario, now trapped, folded his arms and stared angrily at his feet. She knew that he wouldn't leave without his cash.

Astra dove into a dropkick that slammed open the doors. The dance floor hadn't been this deserted since it was still under construction. It felt almost alien, surrounded by death where there had been so much life days before. Hastily, she made her way up the stairs, to the DJ's room.

The room looked just like she expected it to have been left. Jukeboxes of progressively older models lined the walls, each one in perfect condition. Records stacked upon records stacked upon records in the corner. Lava lamps on nearly every flat surface. A dated, colorful computer monitor with a psychedelic screensaver. The turntable in the center, its records still spinning. The amp was unplugged, but the sound was still audible... the record had begun skipping a while ago, creating a perfect loop: "The Earth may drop but the jam don't stop... The Earth may drop but the jam don't stop..."

The DJ was nowhere to be found, but his spirit still lingered in the room, playing through that tenacious audio clip. He was still alive, the templar was sure of it. But where...

She descended the stairs again, stepping across the dance floor, but something unusual caught her eye, something she didn't notice on her way in. It was a small, brown package. Astra picked it up and noticed that her name was on it, nothing else - no sender, no address. Just "Astra".

The red flags were raised, but before she could contemplate dropping or discarding the package, there was a shout.

"Package in the fee-mail!"

A man burst out of the box, leading with his fist in an uppercut which socked Astra cleanly in the jaw. As she reeled and stumbled backwards, the man landed gracefully on the opposite end of the room. His brown bowl-cut hair and mustache twitched with the created breeze as he stretched in his skin-tight reddish-pink mail uniform. "Mefirst, at your service!" announced the mailman as he adjusted his shades unironically. "That'll cost ya an arm and a leg."

Astra stood up swiftly, rubbing her chin and wondering why in the world anyone would want to pay a fee every time they got the mail. "So, you're the one behind this..."

"If you were expecting Prince Charming, there's still room for that," Mefirst said with a flirty smirk. "We could end this silly game before it begins and cruise down to a REAL club... just you and me..."

Astra's face contorted out of sheer disbelief. "Really. You're going to try to pick me up after punching me in the jaw. Really."

Mefirst burst into a playful guffaw. "Well, it was worth a shot," he shrugged. "You have no idea how often this works back home."

Astra was fairly adamant she had a good idea of how often that worked, but she wasn't here to criticise some sad little man for his social skills. She drew her scythe and struck a stone-cold, threatening pose. "Tell me what you did with DJ or you'll never see any of your obviously numerous girlfriends again."

"If that's what you're here for, you've wasted your time," Mefirst answered, his arms wide in another shrug. "I already told you what I did with him. I killed him."

"No... whatever you did, he's still alive," she retorted sharply. "I can feel it."

"Kind of like how you can 'feel' that your parents are still alive?" taunted the mailman, though no sooner had those words passed his overconfident lips than he felt the sharp blade of Astra's scythe at his throat.

"As many lines as you've crossed," Astra hissed, "you're lucky your head is still on your shoulders."

"Ah, but killing me will accomplish nothing," Mefirst mused, not a smidgen of smugness leaving his demeanor as he casually walked away from Astra's frozen weapon. "It's not like you can bring a soul back to life by getting revenge on its murderer. What's done is done! You can return a letter to the sender, but you can't unwrite it!"

Astra stood in place, Mefirst's words echoing in her head. For a moment, she questioned the purpose of being there, of trying. The past cannot be changed. Where there is death, there will always be death. This was the bottom line of reality, the golden rule of the universe.

"Have you any direction, girl?" Mefirst broke the silence. "There's only one direction for you to worry about, Astra. And that's forward." He turned around to meet the downward-gazing Astra. "Now, if you want even a hope of stitching your universe back together, you'll do what I say. You'll go back to your house, and play your game. You'll do this not because I said it, but because it's the only way. You can accomplish this task less one player."

"If you still want me to play the game..." Astra mumbled, "and repair this universe..." She looked up, anger barely holding back tears. "Why would you kill him?"

"No matter how hard you try, you can't understand everything," Mefirst explained with a condescending shrug. "Sometimes, you just have to accept that and play with the cards you're dealt."

Astra fought his subjugating tone with a glare of rebellion. "I refuse," she enforced, drawing her scythe once more. "There's no changing the past, but it's there for a reason - to learn from, to improve the future. I may not fully understand it, but giving up is worse than failing. I will not leave until I get an answer. Even if I have to beat it out of you." She charged at the mailman, a look of bloodlust in her eyes.

"Heh." Mefirst removed his shades and tossed them neatly into the box, just in time to dodge a swing of Astra's scythe. "The dog chases the mailman." She turned and made another quick swing, which was also easily dodged by the quick-footed villain. "Barking, she asks why, why is this strange man here, invading her space." He tossed a handful of letters, which flew through the air like razors, thinly slicing the edges of her face. "The mailman remains calm. He knows he's bigger than the dog. Her bark is worse than her bite."

Astra lunged at him again, predictably so as Mefirst sidestepped her and clubbed her with a heavy box. "The mailman wishes no harm on the dog. He makes his delivery and leaves, defending himself from her only when he needs to." She reeled from the hit, stumbling against a wall. "Sometimes all it takes is a good whap on the nose with a newspaper." He stood, hands proudly on his hips, waiting for Astra to make her next move.

"I am not a dog!" Astra sprung forth, a spark of wrath visible in her eye, and the world seemed to slow down around her. A swing here, a stroke there, almost too fast for Mefirst to handle. There was a look of genuine surprise for a moment from the mailman as he barely ducked under a slice that was clearly aiming for his neck.

He jumped back, out of melee range. "Jeez, what are they feeding you," he asked sarcastically. "Guess I'll have to step it up a notch." He whipped out a mailbox still on a pole, holding it somewhat like a hammer to parry Astra's next strike with enough force to stagger her. He slammed the mailbox head into her shoulder, nearly knocking her over, and followed up with a high roundhouse kick to her head, sending her into the air. She recovered abnormally quickly, landing on her feet and rushing at him again, cutting short his presumed next taunt with another surprising maneuver. This time, she nipped his chest, tearing the jumpsuit. The pain was startling enough for him to falter, and Astra was able to land two more hits on the shoulder and forearm.

Mefirst backflipped away, tossing a few razor-envelopes to ensure the distance. "You're trying my patience," he stated bluntly. "Looks like I'll have to pull out all the stops." Astra dodged the letters, losing only a bit of time... but it was enough for Mefirst. "Super Fist of Fee-Mail... Special Delivery!" With a swipe of his hand, about a dozen packages flew out from his person, surrounding Astra.

This was undodgeable even for her. The packages burst into explosions all around her, each one with the force of a grenade. Everything went white.

* * *

><p>The boat docked. Before the eight ponies rose several pillars of smoke which blended into the air around them, making it harder to breathe. The towers from which the smoke billowed brought memories to Hailstorm's mind, memories that seemed so distant relative to the now. He nearly took a deep breath in preparation for the upcoming, undoubtably hectic robot slaughterfest, but stopped himself when he realized that doing so would probably cause a massive coughing fit. "Well, it's a good thing Eggman showed me how to get here before," Hailstorm joked, "or else we may never have found Metropolis until it was too late..."<p>

"Oh my..." Fluttershy gasped in horror at the thick smoke, following with a light cough. "This can't be good for the wildlife..."

"I dunno if even I can clear this air," Rainbow Dash admitted. "Not in ten seconds flat, anyway!"

"I'm getting the strangest feeling of deja vu right now..." Light Star muttered, squinting at the towers.

"You've been here before?" Pinkie asked. "Cause this is the last place I'd pick to have a party. And I've picked a lot of places for a lot of parties!"

"I..." Light hesitated, racking his brain, trying to hunt down that mental image. "Probably not, but... there's something about these towers... and that face..." He pointed a hoof at the giant Eggman image plastered on the tallest tower in the city.

Twilight Sparkle hopped off of the boat. "We can discuss Pollution City later. Right now, we need to go after Spike."

"Right, right, sorry..." Light trailed off as Pinkie helped him off of the boat.

With all of the ponies on land, they didn't have to go far before they ran into their first obstacle: two of Eggman's oddly-proportioned robots, staring at them with piercing red eyes and guns pointed straight at them. "HALT!" one of them shouted in a cold, synthetic voice. "THE MASTER IS BUSY. WE ARE NOT TAKING VISITORS AT THIS TIME. LEAVE OR BE EXTERMINATED."

"My, talk about rude," Rarity exclaimed.

"Tell us what you did with Spike or you'll be the ones exterminated!" Rainbow threatened back, failing to take into consideration that robots don't feel fear.

After a short pause, the robot responded. "ERROR. UNKNOWN SUBJECT 'SPIKE'. INTENTIONS NOT RECOGNIZED. LEAVE OR BE EXTERMINA-."

SLAM! The robots, focused on the "visitors", had not noticed Twilight picking up a giant boulder behind them, lifting it and dropping it, flattening them. Fluttershy flinched, but everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.

"You... you didn't have to... crush them..." Fluttershy whimpered.

"They're robots," Hailstorm assured her. "Machines. They don't feel pain, and they're certainly not animals. We'll be crushing a lot more of them if we want to rescue Spike, now come on." He began to follow the others, approaching the city cautiously. Fluttershy hesitantly followed.

"If I didn't know any better," Light spoke, "I'd say that robot had no idea what we were talking about..."

"It was probably lyin'," Applejack stated. "...uh, CAN robots lie?"

There was silence, as nobody knew enough about robots to know the answer to that one. The silence was broken fairly quickly, however, as the wail of a siren, followed by gunfire, filled the air. The ponies quickly dove behind bushes for cover, but the gunfire continued, even though there were no robots nearby.

Hailstorm poked his head out of the bushes. "They're not firing at us!" he shouted over all of the noise, seeing no hostile entities. "I'll try to get a closer look!"

The others anxiously watched as Hail took off into the air and approached the city. He hovered just outside the fence and looked within. To his astonishment, he saw waves upon waves of robots... shooting each other. An entire robotic war, being played out in front of him. They were too involved in this battle to notice Hail hovering nearby.

He flew back to the bushes. "Looks like they're fighting each other!" he relayed.

"That's... odd," Twilight observed. "Well, it sounds like enough of a distraction for us to get through. Come on, everypony!"

"Are y-you s-s-sure about th-that, T-Twilight...?" asked Fluttershy, not at all liking the idea of getting any closer to all that gunfire and chaos, but she was too quiet for anyone to hear over the gunfire and chaos. The ponies emerged, ready for a mad dash to Eggman's tower, and Fluttershy once again took up the rear shakily.

They ran and flew into the city, avoiding the fray as best as they could by diving into alleyways and side-streets, but the closer they got to the tower, the heavier the concentration of robots. It soon became evident that one mechanical force was attempting to fight their way to the tower itself, and the other was trying to hold them back. They appeared to be locked in a stalemate for the time being, with the tower covered from all sides. There looked to be no easy way in.

"How are we gonna get past them?!" Rainbow Dash yelled as the group hid behind a building. "If they can hold back all those other bots, they'll have an easy time with us!"

"Can't you do the rocky thing like earlier, Twilight?" Hail suggested.

Twilight shook her head. "There's way too many of them. Even if I clear a path, the rest will know we're here."

"Ooh! I've got an idea!" Pinkie Pie bounced several feet in the air to get everyone's attention. She pointed a hoof towards a wide circular hole in the ground behind them. "Let's use that!"

"You CANNOT be serious," protested Rarity. "We've no idea where it leads! And on top of that, being surrounded by dirt isn't exactly my idea of entertainment. You know that, don't you?"

Pinkie's only response was "Wheeeee!" She had jumped into the hole while Rarity was talking.

Nearly half of the squad face-hoofed. "I coulda sworn that hole wasn't there before," Applejack commented, scratching her mane.

"Well, if Pinkie trusts it, so do I!" Light Star exclaimed, getting a running start and diving in. "Geronimo!"

"Wait!" Twilight tried, but Light had already disappeared into it. She sighed. Curiously, she approached the hole and looked down. "I don't even see the bottom..."

"Whatever, if it turns out to be bad news I can just fly out." Rainbow gave in and dropped into it herself, before Twilight could finish contemplating it.

"Can't argue with that," Hail agreed, following closely behind.

"I... guess I could do that too..." Fluttershy squeaked, descending slowly into the pit.

"Aw, heck, a little dirt never hurt anyone," Applejack surrendered, glaring playfully at Rarity in particular as she said it.

As Applejack slid into the hole, Twilight and Rarity were left exchanging glances.

"Oh, you first, dear," Rarity insisted. "I'll catch up." She stared at the hole in disgust.

Twilight sighed again. "Fine." With little left to lose, she followed all of the others. Rarity, bracing herself and closing her eyes, did the same.

"Oof!" The landing was surprisingly soft. A pile of sandbags covered much of the floor where the ponies landed. As they examined the room, they saw it was a lobby to some kind of facility, floors and walls of solid metal. More importantly, though, the room was filled with robots who were hunkered down, using the sandbags as cover, guns pointed steadily at the door and windows... yes, windows, which revealed the city streets that more robots were currently occupying and fighting in. The building itself was under minimal fire, as if the enemy was trying not to damage it as they fought their way closer.

The robots guarding the inside all turned their heads simultaneously towards the eight new bodies in the room. "THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY... WE HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOU," one of them droned.

A deathly chill ran down the spines of the ponies, fear being the only emotion that held back their confusion. But the guns were still pointed at the entrance. The robots did not appear to be threatening the equines. Confusion took over once more.

"What's going on?!" shouted a panicked Twilight, frantically looking around the room for something that made sense. She looked at the ceiling from which they had fallen. There was no sign of a hole - just plain metal ceiling.

"The hole dropped us into the tower!" Pinkie chimed, as if a matter of fact. She was the only one who was neither afraid nor confused.

"DOCTOR ROBOTNIK WILL EXPLAIN. PLEASE TAKE THE ELEVATOR QUICKLY TO THE TOP FLOOR." The robots resumed watching the entrance.

"This smells like a trap to me," Rainbow Dash pointed out suspiciously.

"We have no choice," Twilight explained, heading for the elevator. "The only way out of here now leads to certain death."

"I should know better than to trust Pinkie..." Hailstorm muttered as they all swarmed into the elevator.

"You'd be surprised how often she's right," Twilight dully assured him, not entirely thrilled about how true that was.

The doors closed, and the elevator began rising.

"But how did that dinky hole lead us into the tower?" Rarity pressed. "I just don't understand."

"There's no need to," Light answered. "Hajike works in mysterious ways. The only important thing is that it works!"

"And now they have a name for it..." Rainbow remarked.

Ding! The elevator stopped, and the doors opened. The ponies emerged into a control room, filled to the brim with machines, monitors, panels, and computers. Not to mention the team of robots that sat at various stations, frantically working at the controls to attempt and aid their allies on the surface. All of that advanced technology in one place was very overwhelming for the Elements of Harmony plus two.

But what was perhaps most surprising about the room was the console where Eggman himself sat, rubbing his temples with worry as he flipped through various camera shots of robot versus robot. Next to him sat a familiar purple dragon, watching the carnage in awe and concern. Hearing the elevator, both of them turned around.

"Twilight! Everyone!" exclaimed Spike, running up to the purple unicorn, who hugged him gratefully.

"Spike! Am I glad to see you," she greeted.

"Wait wait wait," Hailstorm spoke. "Spike was never in any danger? Why did you kidnap him?"

"If I straight up told you," Dr. Eggman began as he rose from his chair, "you wouldn't have believed me, and I certainly wouldn't have gotten you all to come here."

"Now that we have Spike, there's no reason for us to be here any longer anyway!" Rainbow responded impatiently and turning to fly back towards the elevator. She was having none of this.

"Hold your horses, Dash," Applejack sternly commanded, grabbing her. She disdainfully chose not to resist. "I wanna hear the truth, and I'm sure everypony else does as well."

"Yeah, why are all of your robots attacking each other?" Light asked.

"They're not all MY robots," snapped Eggman. "They're very different from my robots! Just because they're robots doesn't mean they're mine! They were sent by... someone else, I don't know who, but they seem to want to take over my tower! And if they get up here, they can repurpose all of my robots and equipment for their own uses, whatever they are! And I need you to help me drive them back!"

"Ok, I understand you're in trouble," Twilight replied in disbelief. "But why should we help you?"

"Because... I have some information that you might find very useful," Dr. Eggman promised. "You're not the only ones who want everything to return to normal. I've been looking into this dimensional mishap myself, and I've uncovered some secrets of my own. We have the same goals, so it's only logical that we should combine our efforts!"

"He's telling the truth, honest!" Spike backed up the doctor. "And he's really not that bad of a guy."

Hailstorm blinked. "Hang on..." A realization hit him. He glared at Spike skeptically. "How do we know this is the real Spike and not some kind of robot duplicate?"

There was a gasp, and a sudden rush of mistrust among almost the entire group as they came to the same conclusion.

"What?!" Spike reacted, with genuine shock. "I'm not a robot! Look, see, real dragon scales!" He knocked on his chest with his fist. "Scales as hard as... metal? Ok, well, I'm still cold-blooded! Cold like a... robot..." Even Spike was starting to doubt himself. He looked up at Twilight, his eyes washed with worry. "I'm not a robot, am I?! Please tell me I'm not a robot!"

Twilight looked down at Spike and chuckled. "Spike, you're not a robot." She rustled his head reassuringly. "This is the real Spike, there's no doubt about that."

There was a sigh of relief from everyone, including Eggman. "I suppose I can't really blame you for suspecting that. You're smarter than I thought," he grudgingly admitted.

"So, all we have to do is fight off some robots and we can finally get some more answers about this whole thing?" Applejack asked.

"That's what you came here to do, isn't it?" Eggman reminded them, staring at the ponies' armor.

"Finally! Time to beat up some metal morons!" Rainbow exclaimed, heading for the elevator again.

She was stopped this time by Twilight. "We can't just rush in there without a plan of action. I may not know much about guns, but I do know physics, and this armor can't stop the full force of those bullets. We're not invincible." Rainbow groaned.

"Well, we've got a whole attack force just waiting in the lobby," Light pointed out. "Send about a third of them in first just ahead of us to absorb the shots, since they're expendable. Then with us charging ahead, the rest can all swarm out and provide cover fire while we pick off the opposing army. The three pegasi can land behind enemy lines for a flanking attack, maybe airlift a few robots for backup, and the unicorns can snipe from a safe distance. Eggman, what can be done from here?"

"I can order the troops en masse and wirelessly by sending them commands small groups at a time," he responded. "I designed the interface to mimic a real-time strategy video game. If you're familiar with that sort of thing."

"Great, so Spike can stay behind and help Eggman with that. It sounds like his cup of tea." Many of the ponies exchanged glances as Light took control of the situation. They certainly didn't expect him to be harboring such natural leadership abilities, but none of them disagreed with what he was saying.

Almost none of them, that is. "C-can I stay behind too...?" Fluttershy questioned. "Pardon me, but fighting on the front lines isn't exactly _my_ cup of tea. I-if you don't mind, that is."

"We need as many air units as we can get," Eggman argued. "If we can control the air, we can control the battlefield."

"Don't you have any... flying robots?" Fluttershy asked.

"They were all, uh..." Eggman paused, knowing that the following news would not help sway the yellow pegasus. "Shot down."

Fluttershy flinched, imagining a scenario where she did help the others on the front lines, only to befall the same fate.

"That's hardly what I'd call 'controlling the battlefield'," Applejack asserted. "Come on, can't ya just let poor Fluttershy stay here? She's really good at getting critters to do what she wants, that's for sure."

"And I can do the work of two pegasi easily," Rainbow contributed, elbowing Hailstorm.

"Yes... yes she can," Hail testified.

"Fine," Dr. Eggman caved. "I guess you can never have too many commanders, it'll increase our actions per minute. You know what they say, the more the-"

"Ok, we get it," Light interrupted.


	38. March of the Automatons

**Fair warning: massive existential author rant ahead. Feel free to skip it, I wouldn't blame you.**

**Hey guys, long time no see. For those concerned, I am fine. I've actually had the next three chapters written for quite a while now, but I fell prey to a common enemy of the aspiring artist - **self-criticism and doubt**. This story keeps getting longer and longer and I felt like I'm going nowhere. I know I said somewhere along the line that I was just going to keep writing and not dwelling too much over what I or anyone else thought about it, but there's only so much heart and soul you can pour into a project before it becomes a part of you. Recently I began to ask myself: what's the point? Are arcs like these just artificial padding? Are they too ridiculous? Has this entire story been a waste of time? Should I have written something original instead of clinging to fanfiction?**

**The answer: probably not. In that period, I forgot the real reason I began this project, and that was to have fun with it. Honestly, self-improvement was second to the entertainment value, and creating a quality piece of art was third. I put too many eggs into that last basket over the course of the story, however. I'll never get anywhere if I worry too much about the quality of my work, and if there's anything I learned that I would advise to others, it's that. Don't spend too much time looking back or else you won't enjoy the ride!**

**That said, please enjoy the ride. :L**

* * *

><p>Chapter 38: March of the Automatons<p>

The plan was decided upon. Spike and Fluttershy each sat at a computer console and, after a quick primer on strategy games, the two jumped right into commanding their own squad. They were both naturals, to everyone's surprise. Meanwhile, Hailstorm helped himself to a pack of titanium crossbow ammunition that Eggman had set aside for a rainy day - quite literally, in case his bots' guns jammed in the rain or something ridiculous like that. The other ponies used the monitors to get a good lay of the environment and plan their movements.

As for Robotnik himself, he ducked into a side-hangar to fetch one of his mountable giant robots, a relatively new one that he had been working on in case of an emergency like this. He flipped on the lights, revealing a 20-foot-tall red-and-black humanoid mech with a wide cylindrical body and many secret panels that harbored guns and missiles, topped with his trademark glass control dome. Bold, square letters on the side christened it the Egg-Desperado.

"Everyone in position?" chirped Light Star's voice over the radio headset that he and the others had been given.

"This is Spike and Fluttershy standing by at the command console," Spike answered for the both of them, hands and hooves poised over their respective mouse and keyboard.

"Twilight Sparkle here with Rarity in the balconies," Twilight sounded off, each unicorn taking a separate sniper's nest on opposite sides of the tower.

"Rainbow Dash and Hailstorm ready for liftoff," Rainbow announced, standing with Hail on the roof with wings spread. Hail loaded a bolt into his crossbow.

"Pinkie Pie and Applejack ready to make robot confetti spaghetti!" Pinkie cheerfully affirmed, waiting with Applejack in the lobby and taking cover.

"The Eggman has boarded the Desperado," Dr. Eggman said as he sat in the driver's seat of his new, expensive ride, getting a feel for the controls.

"That's everyone, then," Light finished, adjusting his gold helmet. "Send in the first wave!"

Spike and Fluttershy each took a number of reinforcements from the ground floor and send them out into the battlefield, unleashing gunfire as they pushed ahead. Many were shot down in an instant, but neither side was without casualties. The pegasi took off. Hailstorm fired deftly from above, his air control allowing him to dodge enemy fire as he took out his share of bots one by one. Rainbow landed swiftly behind a large number of foes on the opposite side and proceeded to kick them into pancakes; by the time they realized what was going on, the female flier had taken out nearly half of a squad. She took off into the air again to dodge most of the retaliation, taunting them.

The confusion allowed Twilight and Rarity to settle down and begin firing without fear of getting spotted. Twilight fired a continuous burst of magical beams, delighted at her armor's supply of energy making it a breeze. Rarity, on the other hand, focused on single, precise shots that were just as deadly.

With the invaders overwhelmed by firepower, Light gave the order to send in the rest of the ground troops, the three earth ponies leading the charge. Hooves and bullets flew everywhere, giving new meaning to the term "buckshot". Pinkie bounced nonchalantly across their heads, stunning them just long enough for Applejack or Light to give them a solid rear-hoof slam. Spike got the hang of placing his troops just where they could cause the most damage, and Fluttershy had a knack for micro-management, sending an allied bot in the way of just about every imminent attack on the main ground force.

And then... the hangar doors opened. The Egg-Desperado leaped out of the tower, already landing on and crushing several of the opposition, then turned to fire a barrage of missiles at a squad that was just starting to regroup. Pivoting on one foot, Eggman extended the panels on his mech's arms to reveal massive machine guns powerful enough to be standalone mounted turrets, using them to gun down an entire line of reserve forces that were desperately piling in.

"Their numbers are dwindling!" Light exclaimed as he plowed into an adversary that had paused to frantically reload its gun.

"They would be retreating by now if they knew what was good for them!" Eggman stated as he slammed his metal fist into a bot.

It did seem odd to most of the defenders that the enemy were still trying, despite the crushing loss that they were being subjected to... until a piercing voice cut through the uproar.

"Enough of this foolishness!" the semi-monotone, dominating voice boomed. It was far different from any robotic voice the ponies had heard. "You leave us with no other alternative but to show our full strength!"

A wave of several dozen somewhat short, stout metal figures descended from the sky. They looked more like metal-plated pillars than robots, equipped with two appendages each that resembled egg beaters and plungers. From their flat, circular heads extended two light bulbs, positioned almost like horns, and a single eye-stalk of a lens watched the battlefield unwaveringly from forward-center. They did not look particularly threatening alone, but there was something about the way they spoke and approached that conveyed vast amounts of hatred and power, bringing chills to all of the organic fighters.

"You will submit to the Daleks!" another one droned.

"Exterminate!" echoed a third, inviting further, similar cries from the others.

"Daleks?!" repeated Light. Something about that name gave Light in particular an all-encompassing wave of dread, though he couldn't quite place why.

"Whatever they are, they're going down!" Rainbow Dash made a beeline for the nearest Dalek hoof-first. She was convinced that her speed was so great that the new challenger could not react in time, but after a quick bolt of energy fired from its limb, heading straight for her heart, she was proven wrong. She could barely lean far enough for it to glance off of her armor, but at that speed, the change of course sent her plummeting to the ground.

The gloves were off. The Daleks opened fire on the rest of Eggman's robots, cutting straight through their hulls and dropping many of them on the spot. Fluttershy barely managed to save a few of them by sending them into cover behind a nearby building, and the exposed ponies followed suit under continued heavy fire. The Daleks gave chase, showing no signs of mercy.

A few of them headed for the top floor of the tower, as if they knew who was giving the orders. "They're headed this way!" squeaked Fluttershy.

"I'm on it!" Dr. Eggman activated thrusters on the feet of the Desperado, blocking their path. "Take this, you cheaply made garage projects!" Eggman bantered as his palms opened up, launching an impressive array of miniature rockets at them. They were all direct hits, as the Daleks did not try to dodge them... but it was soon evident why, as when the explosions cleared, they emerged without a scratch.

"Blast! They have some kind of advanced shielding!" Eggman lamented, slamming his fists on the interior console, and quickly reviewing his other options. They gave him little time to do that, unfortunately for him, as they fired straight into the glass dome, shattering it and hitting the mad scientist directly in the torso. He slumped over, and without a conscious pilot, the Desperado spiraled downward.

"No!" Twilight called as the mech crashed below her. Determined, Twilight aimed her horn in their direction and fired a thick, solid beam, but all it did was bounce off of their exteriors and get their attention. She quickly dove back into the tower as they fired upon her.

"What can we do?!" Spike panicked. "Most of our troops are down for the count, and there's no way the ones that are left can do anything to them!"

"I... I don't know...!" Hailstorm responded as three Daleks approached the rest of the ponies' hiding spot. "Light, any ideas?" He turned to address Light Star, but the dark-coated earth pony was nowhere to be found. "Oh great, he flew the coop and he doesn't even have wings..."

"Wait, there he is!" Pinkie Pie pointed to the roof of a smaller building, where the unmistakable silhouette of Light Star stood. He had removed his armor somewhere along the line, and appeared to be chanting something inaudible - whatever it was, it wasn't broadcast over their airwaves.

"What's he doin' without his armor?!" Applejack questioned.

"Shush, this is going to be sweet!" Pinkie silenced her as a dark sphere formed in front of her love interest. Taking a running start, Light proceeded to dive into the sphere, kicking it at the Daleks that were approaching the tower. They fired upon it, but it merely absorbed their beams, increasing in size slightly. It was a miniature black hole! Clearly built for power and not speed, the Daleks could not avoid being crushed and assimilated into the black hole.

"Did he just _dropkick _a black hole?!" Twilight commented, but that was just the beginning. Light disappeared, then reappeared in front of the black hole, kicking it another direction in midair at the Daleks that were threatening the hiding ponies. They helplessly fell into it, and as it neared the ponies, its gravity began to pull slightly on them as well.

But, just in time, Light appeared before the hole again and kicked it back at another attacking Dalek force. It was then that the observers had a good view of Light, and they noticed that he had taken on a lime-green, almost radioactive aura the likes of which none of them had seen before. Light looked back at Hailstorm in particular and winked before disappearing again.

"We must regroup!" one of the surviving Daleks announced to its neighbor.

"You have not seen the last of us," the other promised, "we will return and have our conquest!"

The remaining Daleks turned tail and began to flee. Light let his black hole reach just in front of the tower before he warp-kicked it again.

"Wait, they're retreating!" called Twilight. "We're better than them, we don't have to kill them all...!"

"I thought they were just heartless automatons," Rarity scoffed.

"They seemed a bit too expressive and advanced to be robots," Hailstorm observed.

"Guys, I don't think it matters," Spike said, peering out of the window. "He wasn't aiming for them..." The black hole's trajectory seemed to be straight off into the distant sky. "I guess he was just getting rid o-"

BOOM! An explosion cut the black hole short. A massive silhouette in the distance flashed, light bending around it in an odd way before it solidified completely. It was some kind of flagship, apparently cloaked and hovering near Metropolis. Now revealed, a grand chunk of it had been absorbed by the localized gravity of the black hole, causing it to fall.

"Huh... how did he know that was there...?" Fluttershy uttered, starting to fear Light's new-found power almost as much as the Daleks.

On its way down, a smaller, circular ship ejected from it, setting a course into the sunset, but Light was prepared - he materialized above it and slammed it ground-ward.

Unquestioningly, the ponies all flocked to the site of the escape pod crash, their respective weapons at the ready, prepared to confront whoever was behind all of this. Light, however, had already disappeared again.

As the door slid open, Hailstorm kept his crossbow trained on it.

Coughing and sputtering, a female brown bear crawled out of the wreckage. She had a similar height and build to Amy, perhaps a bit taller, and much of her body was covered with metal, most notably the top left quarter of her head, giving her a piercing red eye. It was difficult to tell which parts were grafted to her body, and which composed the cybernetic suit that she wore. She made sure to put her hands up as soon as possible.

"I should've figured it would go down like this..." she sighed, more disappointed than afraid.

"Who are you and why did you attack Eggman's tower?" Hail demanded.

"Rochelle is my name," she answered. "And, I'm one of the bad guys. That's just what we do." She smirked.

"Clever, but that doesn't tell us anything we wanted to know," Twilight scorned.

"Then why don't you ask better questions?" Rochelle patiently sat on the edge of the wreckage, crossing one leg over the other, her arms still raised.

"Who do y'all work for and what are y'all tryin' to accomplish?" Applejack articulated rather curtly.

"That's better," the cyborg bear calmly complimented. "I work for a powerful man... a few of you have already met him."

Hailstorm exhaled sharply as he recalled the one person whom she could possibly have meant. "Charge."

"And as for your other question," she continued, before anyone had a chance to react further, "We're only trying to do the same thing all of you are. To make sure these universes get put back in the right places."

"But you JUST said you were a bad guy," Rainbow cut in.

"Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?" Rochelle refuted. "I'm only trying to lighten things up a bit. Besides, Eggman is a bad guy too, isn't he?"

"It's a gray area at this point," Eggman muttered, granting him stares from just about everyone.

"Eggman? You're okay?!" Hail shouted in disbelief. Eggman looked like a million bucks.

"That spacey stallion friend of yours gave me one of his 'magic potions'," he emphasized the last couple of words with finger quotes as Light Star shuffled up to the scene, once again wearing his full golden armor.

Pinkie gasped at the sight of him. "Oh, Lightsy!" she cried, tackling him with a leaping hug. "That black hole thing was AMAZING! How did you do that?"

"Ack, what?" Light was caught completely off-guard in more ways than one. "What black hole thing?"

Pinkie released him. "You know, the hodge-cake spacey thing. That must have taken a LOT of cake!"

Light blinked, but before he could find the words to answer, Twilight interrupted. "We can talk about that later. I believe Rochelle here was about to tell us why she attacked Eggman's headquarters, even though we're all supposedly on the same side?"

"Oh, I was just trying to liberate his resources and put them to better use, as my boss would say." Rochelle leaned back with her hands behind her head. "Nothing that Astra wouldn't have done eventually, at a slower pace."

"Well maybe if you had asked nicely, I would've let you borrow some," Eggman taunted, the sarcasm definitely evident in his voice. But Hail wasn't listening at that point. The mention of Astra's name flipped up a flag in his mind. They hadn't heard from her ever since she had left to help their potential eighth player. Hastily, he retrieved the mobile device that he had been given and attempted to contact her.

Hail began typing as a rather spiteful argument between Rochelle and Eggman ensued.

- hailStorm [HS] began pestering spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

HS: astra are you there  
>HS: please be alive<br>SP: _nice CHUMHANDLE, hamhooves._  
>SP: _where'd your ORIGINALITY go, south for the WINTER?_<br>HS: what who is this  
>HS: what have you done with astra<br>SP: _if you MUST know, i am the MAILMAN._  
>SP: _i'm just making SURE that the mail goes THROUGH._<br>SP: _through RAIN, or SLEET, or SNOW, or HAIL..._  
>SP: _something something without fail. MAIL._<br>SP: _you get the IDEA._

"...so who is this mailman, anyway?" Hail voiced, trying his best to keep his sanity. "One of your goons?"

"I see you've met Mefirst." Rochelle seemed rather enthused about his mentioning. "How's he doing? Is he delivering on his promise?"

"To... make sure the mail goes through?" Hail shook off his bewilderment, replacing it with anger. "Whatever that means, it doesn't explain what happened to DJ, or why he's using Astra's phone. What did he do to her?!" This seemed to get Eggman's attention fairly quickly.

"Relax, she's not dead," Rochelle reassured him. "She was just... an obstacle. A roadblock in between him and the mailbox."

"Yeah, but what about DJ?" Hail did not waver. "Did he kill him?" A thought struck him, which only served to heighten his rage. "Let me guess, your gang killed DJ so that Charge can take his place in the game, just like in that other timeline! That's why you all want us to play the game so badly, as long as he's a part of it you could end up with complete control!"

"Hah!" Rochelle broke into laughter. "If Charge takes DJ's place, it's only because you were too late to save him and the show must go on. What other choice would we have then? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe Mefirst is facilitating the process? DJ was a good friend of hers, if she denied and pined over his death this game would never get started. It was for her own good!"

"I've heard enough," snapped Dr. Eggman. "All of you, follow me. Except for you, you lying patched-up old teddy bear! You're on your own."

"Where are we going, Humpty Dumpty?" asked Pinkie Pie innocently.

"We're going to rescue Astra and her friend," Eggman stated. "And cut out the cutesy nicknames, they're not helping."

"See if you can talk some sense into her while you're at it," Rochelle called after as the fed-up ponies followed the scientist. "Your clocks are still ticking."

* * *

><p>"Ugh... grargh..."<p>

Pained, Astra involuntarily rolled over in bed. There wasn't a lot of room, however, so gravity took its course. Plop.

"Ow... what..." She sat up, raising her hand to rub her eyes in a drowsy stupor, only to have it collide with her glasses.

She briefly wondered why she had slept with her glasses on. On top of that, it felt like she had been asleep forever.

Her eyes fully opened, she saw that she was in her room... except not quite her room. It was too purple to be her room.

"Yo, sis! 'Bout time you woke up, girl!"

The voice was very familiar. She looked at her windowsill, upon which sat a stout figure in shadow. It didn't take her long to deduce who that was - and doing so brought back her memory as well.

"DJ Beats!" she shouted, getting onto her feet quickly, only to stumble around dizzily, suffering from a massive headrush. "You're alive...?"

"Kinda," said Beats, hopping off of the window and into the light of her room. The light revealed the round form of a giant dark purple vegetable; more precisely, a beet with arms and legs. As well as a face, bearing peach fuzz and a pair of bold green eyes. His green stalk was tied back in a ponytail. Beats' appearance was not news to Astra, of course. What was news was that he was alive and here in the same room.

Which begged the question: "Where are we?"

"Only the hippest night club in the multiverse," Beats jived, gesturing his arms level as if scratching invisible records. "Which just so happens to be the dark moon Derse. Digging the duds, by the way."

Astra looked down at herself, noticing that she was wearing a set of purple pajamas. "Since when did I own this...?"

"Listen, girl, Beats knows you have lots to ask, and normally he'd be up to the task, but time is just not on our side. We gotta figure how to change the tide."

"If we're running low on time, why are you bothering to rhyme?" Astra replied with a smile. Despite the irony, she couldn't help but play along.

"It's just an old habit of mine, one that I can't help but refine, but truth is, sister, I'm dyin'." Beats sat down on Astra's bed. "The thing about dream selves is it's like having an extra life. There are two of you, dig? And two of me, and everyone. Your real self goes to sleep, your dream self stops counting sheep. That is, if you've awakened. Something must've finally opened your eyes."

"I was... trying to save you, but there was this annoying mailman..." Astra rubbed her head, which was still a little sore.

"He knocked you out, but you just had to shout," Beats summarized. "So you woke up here."

"And what happens if your real self dies? You get to live on as your dream self?"

"It's not quite that simple. One self dies, the other starts to die as well. There might be a way to make it reverse, but how the heck can we do that from Derse...?"

"Perhaps I can answer that." A third, male voice spoke, sounding almost playful. Astra and Beats frantically looked around the room, seeking its point of origin, but it seemed to come from everywhere at once.

"Who's there?" Astra asked. She looked at Beats, expecting him to know, but he simply shook his head and shrugged.

"Just a... friend," the voice answered.

"Now, Beats once heard about this kinda thing..." the DJ strained to remember. "Something about a lunar eclipse, and voices from the Furthest Ring..."

"You're not wrong! But I'm far from one of those... what do you commoners call them... 'horrorterrors'? You just can't trust those guys."

"And we can trust you?" Astra said skeptically. "How can we trust someone who won't show themselves?"

"I can't show myself because I'm not actually here. The Medium is outside of my domain, I'm just talking through a proxy."

"What kind of proxy?" Astra pressed, crossing her arms.

"Look, if I explained every little thing, not only would it be BORING, but you would run out of time, and your smooth vegetable friend... would die!" Even though the voice was losing patience, it still seemed oddly expressive.

"He's got a point, sis," Beats surrendered. "Revivals first, exposition later."

Astra sighed. "Fine. What do you want us to do?"

"Someone very important and powerful is coming to help you. Not the you here, though, the you back on Earth."

"Sounds promising," Astra remarked sarcastically.

"Pay attention, this is where it gets weird. After he helps you with your mailman problem, you have two choices. You can take the normal route, which is to find and kiss Beats' dead body..." He paused intentionally, knowing of the upcoming reaction.

Astra looked at Beats, picturing the scene reluctantly. They both mentally agreed that any other option would be better than that.

"OOOOR, we can exploit all of the tools at our disposal, in a way we were never intended to, and possibly cause a paradox."

"A paradox?!" Astra repeated. Her studies of time travel and alternate realities had taught her that paradoxes were not to be messed with. "I'd rather not deal with a paradox right now..."

"Sis, the other option is to kiss my corpse. That's messed up, yo. Our choice is forced."

"Ha... rhyming even now? I love this guy!" The voice guffawed. "But seriously, that's how you revive people in this game. By kissing their corpses. I joke a lot, but this is too much even for me. The paradox is starting to look pretty good about now, isn't it? Also, between you and me... you'll kill a whole lot more birds if you throw the time-stone! And your session could use a good speeding-along, right?"

Astra jumped onto her bed, burying her face in her pillow. "Let's get this over with..." she muffled. "What's the paradox...?"

A small, pen-shaped object flew in through the window as she made her decision. It rolled until Beats stopped it with his foot and picked it up. It was the Sonic Screwdriver.

"Give this to your rescuer, he'll know what to do with it. Be sure to tell him it's from the _best pony_."

Astra lifted her head and stared at the object that Beats held. "How do we get this back to Earth?" Astra questioned. "If this is a separate body... we can't just take objects with us, can we?"

"You can if you believe hard enough!" the voice answered ambiguously. "Seriously kid, don't sweat the details. It'll work, just trust me."

At this point, they were running out of options. Astra took the screwdriver from Beats and collapsed in the bed. "So who is the 'best pony' anyway?" she asked one final question.

"Oh, just about everyone you talk to will have a different answer for that," the voice coyly replied. "Beats, play her a lullaby."


	39. The Speed of Light

Chapter 39: The Speed of Light

"All right," Hailstorm began, "As long as everyone's here, and we have some time to kill, let's get a few things straight."

The party, its size now swollen to 10 members, were all seated in the cargo hold of the Egg-Desperado, which Eggman had had the foresight to allow transformation into a sort of jet plane. For quick escapes, most likely. Eggman himself was of course in the pilot's seat, communicating to the others through a PA system that he had included at the last minute.

"Ok, so I think this might be the first question on everyone's mind: Light Star," the dark stallion snapped to attention as Hailstorm addressed him, "How did you do that black hole thing?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about," Light denied. "When the Daleks attacked, I thought all hope was lost, so I... hid in a dumpster."

"That would explain the smell," Rarity remarked.

"I only came out when I heard that they were retreating," Light continued.

"But... that can't be right," Hail asserted. "You winked at me and everything."

"Maybe it was a different pony?" Spike suggested with a shrug.

"Oh, that was Lightsy all right," Pinkie affirmed. "I know my colt when I see him!" She gave Light an affectionate glance, which caused him to blush slightly.

"You don't think..." Twilight began to think back to earlier conversations. "...time travel was involved?"

"I didn't think Hajike was powerful enough to travel through time..." Light stated.

"Maybe it isn't," Twilight pondered. "It's very possible you could have come up with another way to do it. Perhaps even because we're having this conversation in the first place. Time is weird that way."

One thing came instantly to Hail's mind. "The TARDIS? I guess if he found it in the future, he could have traveled back to now knowing that he was supposed to save us..."

"So why doesn't he use it to travel through time, gather all of the guys who were scattered across it and save us all the trouble?" Twilight asked. "No, there's something bigger going on here... and I have the feeling Eggman doesn't know about it either."

"I'd just like to point out that this is all very confusing," Eggman's voice echoed throughout the plane. "And unnecessary. It doesn't matter HOW he saved us, just that he did. And we should be... thankful," he grudgingly added.

"What I want to know is," Applejack cut in, "how in tarnation does Eggman already know where Astra is? We never told him. It's mighty suspicious if you ask me."

"It's a long story," Eggman dismissed.

"How much time do we have?" Hail reminded him.

Eggman sighed. "There's a tracking device on her suit, okay? I can track where she is at any given moment."

"That wasn't a very long story..." Fluttershy noted.

"Yeah, if you always know where she is, and she's always stealing machinery from you, you could just track her down and capture her any time you feel like." Hail recalled the moment when they first encountered Astra in Metropolis. It had been heavily implied that Eggman had no way of chasing her. "What are you not telling us?"

There was no response. Hail banged his head on the wall in frustration.

"Well, if you won't tell us that," Twilight changed the subject, "will you at least give us the information you promised?"

The PA clicked on again almost immediately, followed by a few seconds of silence before Eggman spoke. "Right, right, yes. The Universe Jewels, or whatever you call them. I've been tracking their locations ever since I heard about them... but not too long ago, one of them disappeared off of my radar! And rather recently, a second!"

"Jewels are disappearing?!" Twilight gasped. "Are they being destroyed?"

"I can confirm that they still exist," Eggman continued. "Because I was locked onto their wavelengths, I was able to figure out where they went. They were relocated to another dimension."

"Wait... didn't I hear that the jewels were bound to their own universes or something?" Hail recalled.

"Indeed," Eggman affirmed, "and because of this, the jewels took their portion of the multiverse with them. Two entire regions are now filled with huge chasms in space. We just can't see them because what was left of this universe attempted to repair itself, folding the remaining points together. From our perspective, what was bordering those regions on opposite sides are now directly linked, meaning you could travel across the fold and not even notice."

"That's the game's doing, isn't it!" Hail realized. "Two players have entered so far, and I guess instead of just their houses that went with them, it took their eighth of the universe?"

"So, problem solved!" Rainbow Dash attempted to understand. "The universes are separated as they should have been, nothing else needed!"

"Not quite," Eggman debunked. "The universes were left to mingle with each other too long, so each jewel brought artifacts from whatever other universes interacted with its space. The corruption in the Everfree Forest, for example, will get abducted with everything else in the pony universe when that jewel's time comes. Breaking the jewels is still needed to sort everything out again for good, but this makes it far easier to reach them."

"So the existing universes and all of their residents don't get decimated by meteors!" Twilight exclaimed. "That's great news!"

"Sounds good to me," Hail approved. "All that's left is to make sure everyone gets into the game properly."

"Ooh, I think we're here!" Pinkie shouted excitedly, spying Veggie Vegas out of the window, as well as Wario's car, where the obese human snoozed blissfully.

* * *

><p>"Ack... Oof. What the heck. Are you SITTING on me?!"<p>

Mefirst was perched on top of Astra as she was sleeping, sitting cross-legged and reading a newspaper to pass the time.

"Maybe," he said casually, flipping a page.

"Listen, there's a way to revive Beats," Astra cut to the chase, "but we have to hurry."

"I told you already. He's dead, Jim." Mefirst turned another page.

"Ugh." She knew not to bother with questioning why he claimed to want the game to go on as normal, but wouldn't give one of its players a chance to come back to life and play it. If she had a penny for every time she was lied to... Instead, she decided to ask something else. "What are you waiting for, anyway?"

"My boss. When he gets here, he'll sort everything out. And then you can go." Pageflip.

Unsatisfied, Astra decided to check her person for the tool that the strange voice gave her on Derse. It took a bit of squirming, which did not faze Mefirst, but she found it. She wasn't sure whether to be surprised or relieved. She didn't dare take it out yet though. As much as she hated it, she had to wait along with Mefirst.

And wait they did for a few minutes, which seemed like hours to Astra. There was no telling how Mefirst felt.

It was then that they heard the jet engine approaching. Mefirst perked up. "I think we've got company," he stated, starting to get up. "Be a good girl and stay put."

"You're putting a lot of trust in me all of a sudden," Astra chided. The noise grew closer.

"Quiet doggy," Mefirst replied. He walked to the door as he put his sunglasses back on, just in time to see Eggman's Desperado take a landing.

Eight colorful ponies, a baby dragon, and a stocky bald man piled out of it. "I've heard of clown cars, but clown PLANES?" greeted the mailman.

"Look who's talking," Dr. Eggman fired back. "You look like you just escaped from the circus yourself... to open up a chain of fast-food restaurants!"

"You must be glad I did, 'cause your belly is sure showing it." Mefirst volleyed, crossing his arms and wearing a smug grin. "I'll supersize you any day of the week. You can even have the senior discount." Eggman was positively fuming at that one. "What's the matter? Not loving it? Put a smile on, Big Mac!"

Eggman already had a ray gun pointed at him, to the chagrin of Twilight. "Oh, you think you're real funny, don't you," he snarled. "Think again, joker. You're vastly outnumbered. If I were you I would just surrender."

"You _would_ surrender at a time like this," Mefirst jaunted, showing no signs of fear. "Besides, you're too late. Even if you kill me, you can't change anything."

"Yes we can," Astra announced, bursting out of the club.

"I knew I should've put you on a leash," Mefirst joked.

Hailstorm lit up upon seeing Astra was ok. "Astra! Glad to see you're alive."

"The feeling is mutual. What is Eggman doing here?"

"Long story short, he works for us now," Twilight explained, causing Eggman to grumble.

"I'll take your word for it." While Mefirst was pinned by Eggman's gun, Astra walked up to the snowy pegasus. She presented him the Sonic Screwdriver. "I was told by the self-proclaimed 'best pony' to give you this."

"Wait, HOW did you get that?" Mefirst blurted out, but nobody paid any attention.

Hail took the device and looked it over. "Isn't this that tool that Blah picked up after defeating the Wall of Flesh...?"

"I wouldn't know, I wasn't there. Whoever it was said that you'd know what to do with it."

"I have no idea how this thing works," Hail admitted. "And who gave it to you again?"

"I only heard his voice. All I know about him is that he's male, and apparently a pony."

"Maybe it was me from the future again," Light Star suggested, approaching the two. "Did he sound anything like me?"

Astra shook her head. "No. Completely different voice, and nobody I've heard before either. Also, I don't believe we've met."

"...really? I could've sworn..." Light looked off into the distance, searching his memory. _'Just a deja vu I guess,' _he thought. "Eh, no matter. I'm Light Star." He held out a foreleg.

"I dunno if now's a good time for introductions," Rainbow commented.

Ignoring her, Astra shook Light's hoof. "Astra," she replied.

As he looked into the girl's eyes and held her hand, Light felt an eerie sensation - like a part of his mind was desperately trying to bring to the surface a distant memory, but something was in the way. A few fragments slipped through. He had seen her before... talked to her, even... he was sure of it, but he couldn't quite place where or when.

"You've been holding his hoof an awful long time, missy," Pinkie Pie warned.

She let him go. "What, it's only been a few seconds..." Astra defended, but she could not deny in her mind that she felt something odd as well.

Light began to feel a little dizzy. He looked over at Hailstorm, who still held the Sonic Screwdriver. "C-can I see that...?"

"You ok, Light?" Hail asked as he approached the woozy stallion with concern.

Light did not answer, instead snatching the screwdriver from Hail's hoof and staring at it. Hail bemusedly stepped away, unsure what was going on but deciding to give some space. Light's head throbbed. He'd seen this device before, as well. It was as if a fog was slowly lifting.

Mefirst began to creep closer to Eggman, whose head was turned towards the pony in an attempt to figure out his problem.

"A Sonic Screwdriver..." identified Light.

"Yeah, that's what he called it..." Hail affirmed. "How do you know what it is...?"

Once again ignoring Hail, he turned to Astra. "Who did you say gave this to you again?"

"Some disembodied voice belonging to the 'best pony'?" she repeated.

A name immediately sprang to Light's mind. "Discord?" he guessed, hardly realizing that he had said it.

"Discord?!" the six mares shouted reactively, nearly in unison. Twilight began to stammer. "How did... how would... why... what..."

Slam! Mefirst had managed to topple Dr. Eggman and snatch his gun in one maneuver. "Ha! Who's the joker now?" he taunted. "Nobody move or the doctor gets it!"

Almost immediately, a light buzzing noise echoed. The gun in Mefirst's hands sparked and fell apart. Everyone turned to stare at Light, holding the Sonic Screwdriver in his direction.

"He's not the Doctor..." Light replied, keeping the screwdriver pointed at the mailman. "...but neither am I. In fact, what the heck did I just do?!" He dropped the device in shock. The past 10 seconds, it was as if something else took over his body for a moment. Some kind of instinct.

Mefirst began to look worried, and not just because his only means of defense had just been disabled. "Impossible... He can't be... Not already..."

All that anyone could bring themselves to do was watch at this point. Following some deep subconscious instinct, Light turned his head, catching a glimpse of his cutie mark. A galaxy. Space.

He recognized the symbol. A phrase reverberated through his mind. "Knight of Space..."

The barrier shattered. A torrent of memories and emotions flooded into his head. A grassy field, the Corruption, Ponyville, Sinnoh, the Everfree Forest, Metropolis, Angel Island, meteors, Bowser's Castle, the Underworld, Moros... Charge.

The stallion panted, his heart rate hastened to an extreme level, now on the decline. "Charge..."

"Wh... what?" voiced Hail.

"That fiend... that clever, clever fiend... Hahahahaha..." He laughed a very toxic, almost masochistic laugh.

"Lightsy...?" Pinkie uttered. "This isn't very funny..."

He lifted his head, directing a piercing gaze at Mefirst. The mailman flinched. "And you knew," he reproached, stepping closer. He was not deliberately intimidating Mefirst, but Mefirst was definitely intimidated. "That boss of yours, he thought he could keep me down... by ponifying me?" He laughed again. "Sending me back in time as a baby foal with all of my memory wiped? Making me live 20 years' worth of an entirely new life?" He could still hardly believe it himself, and the thought both amused him and agitated him beyond all logic. "Clever... oh so very clever... but next time you see him, tell him that he has made a powerful enemy."

"Why don't you tell him yourself?"

Everyone turned to see Charge himself, in the flesh, walking down the road with his battleaxe over his shoulder.

"Yeah I figured it was only a matter of time before you found out," he admitted, plopping his axe down and leaning on the handle. "I thought I'd have more time though. I can't deny it, you're not so dull yourself, Blahsadfeguie."

By this point, there was nobody present besides Mefirst, Charge, and Blah who didn't have their jaws on the ground. Especially Pinkie Pie.

"WE _KISSED_!" the pink pony exploded.

Blah froze, having nearly forgotten the life he had just led. "Pinkie..." he started, turning towards her.

"BUT IT WAS YOU! THE WHOLE TIME!" What was perhaps more shocking to the others than what they had just witnessed was the unnatural rush of rage and disbelief that was bursting from their normally cheerful and perpetually optimistic friend. "I knew something wasn't right but I hadn't had these feelings before so I didn't care and I ignored it and we spent time together and I LIKED IT but it was a LIE! IT WAS ALL A LIE." Bawling loudly, Pinkie rushed into the building and slammed the doors behind her.

Blah was wracked with guilt and regret. He began to go after her, but Applejack blocked his way. "I think she needs some time alone, partner."

"What, it wasn't my fault!" Blah attested. "_I_ didn't even know it was me!"

"She's still having trouble believing that," Twilight intervened. "Applejack's right, she needs time to herself."

"I'm not so sure, dears," Rarity spoke up. "_I_ certainly wouldn't want to be left alone after a revelation like _that_. I'll go talk to her." Rarity started for the building.

"A-and me, too," Fluttershy whispered, following Rarity. "I-if that's ok with you..."

"Hmm..." Twilight sighed. "Well... I guess if anyone can handle it, it's the Elements of Kindness and Generosity. You'll have your turn soon enough, Blah..." She put a hoof on his shoulder. "You're not the one to blame, don't worry."

"I know who THAT would be..." Blah aimed his death glare at Charge. "This never would've happened if you didn't turn me into a pony."

Charge shrugged. "I didn't make you fall in love with Pinkie. Or the other way around. I'm not the cause of all this drama."

"Well? The least you could do is change me back!" Blah stamped his hoof.

"I'm afraid that's not my department," Charge shrugged again. "Now, are we done?"

"Uh... I guess now's not a good time, then?"

Everyone followed the source of the deep voice to see Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler all dressed in black funeral dresses and heavy make-up, carrying a coffin. Beauty took up the rear, in her normal attire, her palm glued to her face.

"Let me guess..." Astra glanced at the coffin, and then at Beauty. "Beats?" She nodded, her hand unmoving.

"Beats!" Blah exclaimed. "That's who DJ was. Of course, that makes sense... and Mefirst, too..."

Astra looked at Blah. "I was told you'd know what to do?"

"Er..." He picked up the Sonic Screwdriver. "This does a lot of things... but bringing people to life isn't one of them..."

"Exactly," Charge said, stepping forward. "So step aside and let me enter the game already. You said that the eight players were all your characters, and I'm your character too. If anyone can save the day, it's me."

Blah wasn't about to give up that easily, however. The cogs started to spin in his head, for the first time in years. "Wait! Duh! Astra, you can kiss Beats!"

"Seriously?" Astra wished she had a nearby wall to bang her head against. "Why does everyone think that's a good idea...?"

"It works though," promised Blah. "I'm dead serious. When SBURB is involved, you have a second-"

"I know," Astra cut him off.

"I don't..." muttered a disappointed Hail.

"...Oh, Discord told you already?" Blah asked.

"What makes you so sure it was Discord?" Twilight demanded. "He's still frozen in stone. He can't do anything."

"In this continuity," Mefirst chimed in. "His release and subsequent rehabilitation didn't happen yet."

"...what are you talking about?! And who are you talking to?" Twilight raised an eyebrow at Mefirst, who was facing the opposite direction.

"I'm not breaking the fourth wall, I swear!" denied Mefirst as he turned around.

"Ahem," Blah got everyone's attention. "I know it's Discord because Discord is best pony. Obviously. And he knew that I would say him if someone asked me who the best pony was."

There was silence. "Ok, well, I guess now _I'm_ the best pony."


	40. Me First, Charge Second

Chapter 40: Mefirst, Charge Second

Charge crossed his arms, staring down the heroes from across the pavement of the empty parking lot. "You've made your case. It doesn't look like your friend can bring herself to kiss the vegetable, and even though Discord himself seems to have taken a liking to you, it doesn't make a lick of difference if you can't figure out what he wants you to do. It's hopeless. Your best bet is to just get over it, let me take his place, and get into position to enter the Medium."

With nearly everyone now used to the revelation of Light Star's true identity, they began to focus on the crisis at hand. Charge had already proved that he could not be trusted, but they could not save eight universes without an eighth player... so their only choice was to try to revive Beats.

"Astra..." Blah addressed the girl again. "We can't let Charge win. You have to kiss Beats. It's the only way."

"Does it have to be me, though?" protested Astra in response.

"Well, not particularly..." Blah admitted. "But it does have to be a fellow SBURB player, and out of everyone here, you'd be the least awkward person for the task."

The templar bowed her head, her eyes shut tightly in strained thought - Blah did have a point, although she still couldn't completely believe that kissing a corpse could bring someone back to life. It sounded horribly cliché, like somehow the power of love was strong enough to traverse death itself, but even if that were the case, she and Beats were just friends. There was no true love to speak of.

Twilight stepped forward. "As much as the thought disturbs me as well... we really have no other alternative. Please, we can't afford to take the risk of letting Charge into the game. We won't hold it against you, right everyone?"

There were utterances of consent from everyone in the group.

"As long as I don't have to watch..." muttered Dr. Eggman.

Astra remained silent.

A beeping ringtone sounded. Mefirst flipped open a cellphone and answered. "Yo... Uh-huh... Hahahah... Excellent... Gotcha." He clicked it shut and turned to Charge. "That was our... 'inside agent'. Beats is starting to feel the consequences of his other self's death. It won't be long now!"

Astra bit her lip upon hearing the news. Charge snickered. "Don't worry," he reassured sarcastically. "We all understand that your pride is more important than putting an entire universe in 'untrustworthy' hands."

Her fist clenched. She had been sitting on the fence, but Charge's words sent her flying onto the far side. "If you think I'm sharing a session with you, then you'd be dead wrong. Move aside." She approached the coffin.

Mefirst stepped in front of her. "Hah!" he chortled. "You really think we're going to let you do that now?"

"Look around you," snapped Astra. "There's only two of you, and a dozen of us. You are vastly outnumbered. I'm saving these worlds, and neither of you bozos are going to stand in my way!"

Charge picked up his axe enthusiastically. "I was hoping you'd say that. I love a good challenge. And most of you are expendable, so this should be worlds of fun!"

"Hah! Listen to this freak!" Eggman jeered as he headed for the Egg-Desperado. "I just squashed hundreds of robots with this thing, I'd like to see you try and stop me with that puny axe!" He climbed into the cockpit, flipping the lever to transform back into giant mech mode in seconds. He pointed a gun-bearing finger at the spiky-haired villain. "So, shall I kill you quickly or slowly?"

Without a word, Charge dashed towards the mech at an alarming speed. Eggman opened fire, but Charge side-stepped each shot so fast that the mad scientist couldn't get a solid lock on him. In the space of a moment, Charge was now within swinging range of the vehicle, and swing he did. Volts upon volts coursed through the axe and transferred to the mech as it made contact, short-circuiting it and simultaneously slicing one of its legs clean off. Now a useless pile of metal, the mech toppled over. Charge put down his axe triumphantly.

"How did he..." wondered a flabbergasted Hailstorm.

"Ok, you know how Charge is one of my characters?" Blah began, Hail nodding rapidly in fear. "Well, he's a Mary Sue."

"Charge is a girl?" questioned Rainbow Dash. "What does that have to do with-"

"He's referring to the literary term," Twilight interrupted. "A Mary Sue is a character who is unrealistically powerful or perfect... usually to a ridiculous degree."

"Oh..." She turned angrily to Blah. "Why the heck would you create a character like that?!"

"I didn't know we'd eventually be fighting him!" Blah defended. "Also, it was a long time ago. I was, like, twelve when I made him."

"And I was your go-to character for about three years," Charge continued. "Until you became self-conscious and started... 'improving' your storytelling skills."

"Jeez, who's breaking the fourth wall NOW?" Mefirst commented under his breath.

"Well, nobody likes a Mary Sue..." his creator reminded him. "I had to put you down eventually. I was getting too old for those fantasies."

"And now look where you are." Charge had his axe pointed in Blah's direction. "You'd be unwise not to side with me. You know what I'm capable of, and you can't retcon your way out of this one."

"No way!" Blah opposed. "You're a bad idea and you should die with the rest of the rejects!"

"Your call." Charge threw his axe at Blah with the force of thunder, forcing him to duck to the side. The axe barely managed to clip part of his mane, but it bought Charge enough time to close the distance, purple electricity crackling around his fists. Blah found himself wishing he had a weapon, or at least that he could hold one.

Before Charge could make it to the former human, he was intercepted by a pony with speed that rivaled his: Rainbow Dash, delivering a swift kick to the side of his head. "You're not the only one as fast as lightning," she taunted as the ponies surrounded him, separating him from his axe.

Mefirst sprang to his feet and dashed towards his equine adversaries, but Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler blocked his way. "We're still here, you know!" shouted Bo-bobo.

"Hah, you think you can best me with numbers," Charge jeered. "We'll just see about that." As Blah and Applejack rushed at him, Hailstorm covered by firing a titanium bolt, but Charge grabbed it out of the air. Blah began with a diving kick, but Charge grabbed his leg with his other hand and spun him around, unloading a jolt of electricity as Blah unwillingly collided with Applejack. Twilight attempted to hold Charge in place with a spell as Rainbow dove as him from behind, to which he responded by surrounding his body with an electric shield, and by that time the pegasus had too much momentum to avoid getting electrocuted.

"Outta my way," commanded Mefirst as he pulled out an envelope. "Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Letterbomb!" He tossed the letter downward at the Hajikelists' feet, creating a small explosion that sent Jelly skyward, screaming. Bo-bobo, now wearing a chef's hat, held up a plate as he fell back down.

"I got your invite to the dinner party," he mused, "and I made you my super secret recipe..." Jelly fell onto the plate. Bo-bobo took on an expression of rage. "Get off my plate, you're not worth serving!"

Jelly looked back at him, laying down in an inviting pose. "Come on, just one bite wouldn't hurt..."

Mefirst took the plate. "Hmm..." He prodded the blue gelatin man with a fork, causing him to giggle and wobble. "Hee hee, that tickles!"

Suddenly, Don Patch interrupted by punching Mefirst in the gut. "Stop playing with your food!"

Twilight continued to focus on keeping Charge paralyzed as Astra drew her scythe and approached him. Hail fired another bolt, but the electric shield deflected it with a sudden arc.

_'That shield is going to keep us from getting anywhere near him...'_ thought Blah as he gathered himself. _'It's a stalemate as long as Twilight can hold him...'_

On a whim, Blah aimed the Sonic Screwdriver and clicked it at Charge. With a buzz and a fizzle, Charge's electric field dispelled, but so did Twilight's magical field, causing both of them recoil. Charge recovered faster, allowing him to fire a lightning bolt from his palm that struck his axe in the distance and blasted it towards him. He snatched it up just in time to parry a strike from Astra's scythe.

Out of the corners of his eyes, he noticed that Applejack and Rainbow Dash had picked up again and were charging him simultaneously from opposite sides. Pushing forward with the axe, he caused Astra to stumble as he jumped back. Rainbow could not help but crash into Applejack.

"Oof! Hey! Watch it!" Rainbow chastised as the two mares painfully untangled themselves.

"Weeell pardon me, but it wasn't MY idea to dash at him from two sides at once..." Applejack replaced her hat.

"We should be fighting Charge, not each other," scolded Twilight. Charge smirked as he waited patiently for his opponents' infighting to end.

"Ok, everyone crowding in like this is just begging for friendly fire," Blah warned. "We should take him one or two at a time..."

Mefirst, meanwhile, had produced his mailbox-hammer and was clashing with Don Patch's green onion sword. The mailman attempted to find an alternate route so that he could challenge Astra in particular, but Don was giving him no amount of leeway. The two were matching each other blow-for-blow.

"Super Fist of the Nose Hair, Nostril Whip Blades x2 Combo!" Bo-bobo ended the strange swordfight abruptly by kicking Don Patch out of the way, extending two of his thick nose hairs like head-mounted whips and beginning to overwhelm Mefirst by thrashing them rapidly. One managed to knock the mailbox out of his hands, and he was at the mercy of the hair lashing against his skin multiple times. He kicked backwards, out of reach of the afro warrior, only for a giant gelatin cage to drop over him.

"Fist of Wobble-Wobble, Congealed Concealment!" announced the cage as it began to shrink and engulf him. Mefirst, thinking quickly, produced two razor envelopes between his fingers and sliced through the bars with ease. Turns out, a cage made of jelly is not ideal for trapping someone. Jelly shed an anguished tear.

Twilight and Astra were the first to take on Charge, as the others fell back to treat their wounds. While the unicorn fired a barrage of magical lasers, drawing energy from her armor, Astra approached his flank and dove at him. Charge blocked the magic attack by using his axe as a shield. In fact, the axe glowed pink, seeming to absorb the magic. He stepped just out of reach of the scythe while Twilight attempted to aim around the axe. Astra continued to slash at him as he adjusted the axe's position to meet Twilight's shots. The human girl got a few hits in among the dodging, but Charge seemed to be focusing more on blocking the magic.

Finally, he backflipped, swinging the axe in Astra's direction. The pink magic extended the blade of the axe fourfold, slicing across the center of Astra's armor and causing her to double over in pain. Charge then turned towards Twilight and run at her, continuing to block her shots. The pony stepped back, desperately firing, anticipating a lethal swing of that weapon... until Rainbow Dash swooped in unexpectedly from behind and lifted Charge into the air. "Gotcha!"

Twilight ceased firing, taking a moment to breathe. A well-placed bolt from Hailstorm caused Charge to lose hold of his axe, plummeting it to the ground where Blah unloaded its remaining magic harmlessly with the Screwdriver.

Mefirst had had enough of the Hajike trio. He raised a hand, summoning a giant open cardboard box. "Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Express Shipping!" The box, too big for the three of them to avoid, fell on top of them and sealed tightly with packing tape. A mail truck drove by and parked, and Mefirst threw the box into the back. He headed up to the driver's seat. "Take these to Mexico, pronto!" he instructed.

"Can do," answered the voice of Bo-bobo, now in a mail uniform. He tipped his hat and drove off.

"Since when do you work for him?!" Beauty screamed.

"And now, with those fools out of the way," said Mefirst, cracking his knuckles, "time to take out the trash."

"I thought you were a mailman, not a garbage man!" Beauty followed up.

"Quiet, girl, or you'll be next," he advised, retrieving his mailbox and running towards his boss's strife. "I have a delivery to finish!"

Rainbow knew that she couldn't hold Charge for long. The human began to fill his body with electricity again, just as the pegasus anticipated, and so she let him go before the voltage could increase to harmful levels. Charge rolled across the ground when he landed, picking up his axe and standing firm. He immediately swung the axe to block a bolt from Hailstorm, who was trying to distract Charge while Blah carried a healing potion to Astra.

Charge held out his arm and shot a bolt of his own, made of purple lightning, straight at his attacker. The electricity, far too fast to dodge, entered Hail's body and traveled down his spine, knocking him out.

Mefirst was already heading for Blah and Astra, who thankfully had just finished drinking the potion. She stood, scythe in hand, ready to face the mailman once more.

Before Charge could celebrate his small victory, a powerful kick from behind threw him off-balance. Applejack had stealthily creeped behind him and delivered a solid buck to his backside. Charge sprang to his feet and unleashed a frenzy of axe slashes in her direction, which she was quick to block with her armor... but the gold would not last forever under the force of the cleaving weapon.

Mefirst swung his mail-hammer at Astra, who side-stepped and countered with a lashing of her own weapon, aiming impatiently for his neck. Mefirst ducked and dove at her feet, tackling her to the ground. He raised his mailbox high, but Blah jumped up from behind and snatched it with his teeth.

The startled mailman turned around. "I hope you're not planning on using that," he remarked sarcastically.

Blah twisted around and tossed the mailbox to Beauty, who reluctantly caught it. "Nah, just making sure you don't," he answered coolly.

While Rainbow Dash dragged Hailstorm to a safe location under a tree, Twilight Sparkle approached to confront Charge before he could break Applejack's armor. She snatched up every nearby rock at once with her telekinesis behind his back, hurling them at him from several directions. One pelted him in the head, giving Applejack an opening to kick him in the chest. This knocked him back, but not as far as the earth mare expected, and he retaliated with a swift, close swing that connected with Applejack's foreleg, right in between two jointed pieces of armor. With Applejack crippled, Twilight desperately launched more rocks to prevent him from getting any critical blows in.

Mefirst drew a slew of envelopes, aiming to go right through Blah and recover his weapon, but by that time Astra had recovered, grabbing him by the neck with her scythe. "Make one move and your head will roll," she threatened. Blah took the opportunity to edge away, hoping to put a stop to Charge.

Charge shot Twilight a piercing gaze, taking all of the rocks resolutely. He began to march towards her again, breaking into a sprint. With a flash, she teleported behind him and kicked him in the head. The hit barely fazed him. He turned around to swing at her, but she blinked to his other side once more and rammed him with her horn, unloading a burst of stunning magic.

As Blah approached Charge, he noticed something in the sky. A meteor! He took the excellent timing as a favor from the gods and worked to channel his Hajike. "Fist of the Milky Way..." He leaped, his back legs propelling him high into the air, just above the meteor. "Meteor Crash!" With a powerful kick, Blah directed the meteor straight at Charge.

Twilight teleported a safe distance just in time for the meteor to smash the unsuspecting Charge into the ground. The resulting crater was easily 10 feet in diameter.

Blah landed gracefully, exhaling a relieved breath...

"Dropping a meteor on him?" Twilight said, as if questioning whether that really happened. "You never cease to impress me, Blah."

Blah tossed a healing potion each to Twilight and an equally-amazed Rainbow Dash. "Go patch up Hailstorm and Applejack," he instructed. "I'll make sure Charge doesn't cause any more trouble..."

The mares parted to heal their allies, and right on cue, the meteor exploded with electricity, revealing a very battered Charge.

"You've done well..." he panted, giving Blah an eerie grin. "But I've nowhere near begun to fight. This ends now."

Blah stood ready as Charge brandished his axe, summoning a violet aura. "Super Fist of the Purple Lightning," he announced, "Six-Way Split!"

He threw his axe into the air, slicing a gap in space-time at the peak of its ascent which rapidly grew. Out of the rift dropped one, two, three, four, five clones of Charge from alternate timelines, all landing around their alpha. The rift closed, and the original Charge caught his axe.

Blah gulped. If just one Charge was that hard to handle, six at once would stomp all over them...

Hailstorm and Applejack, now recovered, stood ready along with Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Astra turned around, keeping Mefirst trapped. "If any of you come any closer, I'll decapitate your minion."

The closest Charge shot a bolt of lightning at her, causing her to drop the scythe. Mefirst kicked her in the stomach and picked it up, pointing it down at her on the ground with a laugh.

The gloves were off. Each Charge picked an opponent and closed the distance between them quickly. Each of them being new arrivals to the battle, they had much more energy than Blah's already-exhausted friends. Axes were everywhere. Applejack was forced on the defensive, her constant blocking nearly cracking her armor in two. Twilight's teleporting only kept her away from the blade for so long before she had to block as well. Rainbow and Hailstorm kept to the air, frantically ducking between lightning strikes. The original Charge and Blah entered a high-speed hoof-to-axe brawl. The final Charge approached Astra, who was still pinned by Mefirst and had no means of escape...

Suddenly, a mail truck drove over the horizon. Three figures jumped out of it as it barreled into the Charge attacking Twilight. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler had returned, and they all had on heavy winter clothing. "Mexico was great!" praised Bo-bobo.

"I think you have Mexico confused with Canada!" Beauty couldn't help but remark.

The Hajike Trio, having just returned from a healthy respite, relieved the defending heroes immediately. Jelly Jiggler stepped in front of Hailstorm's Charge and absorbed his lightning. Don Patch bum-rushed the one near Applejack. Bo-bobo tackled the Charge that threatened Astra. The villain's clones were kept at bay.

Astra was still in a bind, however, as Mefirst continued to stand there with her own scythe pointed at her throat. "So, how does it feel, being in such a... submissive position?" Mefirst cackled.

"You can't kill me," Astra said, working hard to keep her calm. "I'm another one of the players. I'm not 'expendable' as you claim some of the others to be."

"And that's where you're wrong, pup!" Mefirst denied. "In case you haven't noticed by now, our little posse is also eight strong. We could kill any number of you and take your place in the chain ourselves, and still achieve the same end result!"

Astra gulped. He was right. They could kill her just like they did Beats.

Mefirst's phone rang again, bringing a smile to his face. "Whoop, I believe this is the good news I was waiting for!" He answered. Astra could hear a new feminine voice from the phone, but couldn't quite make out what she was telling him. "Hah... perfect," replied the mailman as he hung up and stashed away the phone. "Our agent reports that Beats has succumbed to his injuries and fallen dead on Derse. You're too late. He's gone for good now."

The combination of Mefirst's words, his smug grin, standing over her with lethal weapon in hand and the power to strike her down with a single motion... it was almost too much for her.

"So, girl... give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kill you now."

Fwoosh!

Mefirst dropped the scythe, reeling from sudden terrible pain. A crossbow bolt had pierced him through the chest, narrowly missing his heart. Astra took the opportunity to snatch the scythe and scramble away as Hailstorm rocketed closer.

"How about because you're dead yourself," the unamused Hail jaunted. He had quickly grown tired of this mailman's attitude.

"Nice shot..." Mefirst gasped, clutching his chest. "Not that it'll matter... I could kill you too, you know..."

An angered Charge edged towards the wounded Mefirst, but Bo-bobo quickly wrapped him up in nose-hairs. "Do your thing, pony-dude! This one's on me!" He slung the Charge behind him, slamming him into the ground.

Hail nodded in gratitude and faced Mefirst once again, who desperately drew a few envelopes and a cardboard box.

The pegasus darted at the courier, first firing another bolt which the box blocked like a shield, but the force caused the wounded man to recoil. Hailstorm used the opportunity to slam his front hooves painfully into Mefirst's torso near the wound. Mefirst slashed at him with the envelopes, which Hail blocked easily with the stock of the crossbow. They were still just envelopes, after all. He fired a bolt point-blank, striking him through the shoulder and causing him to drop the envelopes.

"Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Box Blockade!" Mefirst quickly shouted in his state of despair, spawning a wall of stacked boxes between the two of them filled with some unknown heavy matter. But in his haste, Mefirst failed to account for what the pegasus would do in response - simply smash against the wall, toppling many of the heavy boxes right on top of him. Trapped and helpless, Mefirst could only watch as Hailstorm aimed his crossbow.

"It's not so fun on the other side of the murder, isn't it," Hail taunted solemnly.

"Killing me will change nothing, you know!" he coughed. "You have no hope of taking down Charge, and Beats is already out of the picture. Your future is set in stone!"

"Not if I can help it." He pulled the trigger. The bolt was released. Mefirst wheezed one last time, then fell limp.

Hailstorm put away his crossbow with a sigh. The deed was done.

Astra crept up to the stallion, amazed at what she had just witnessed. But what startled her even more was what happened next. The final bolt glowed a golden color, a stream of similarly-colored energy leaking out of it and into Hailstorm, collecting around his hooves.

"What the..." Hail uttered, staring down at the strange glow.

"You have the power, Hailstorm..." Bo-bobo called, sitting on top of a roped-up Charge. "Go on. Do the lifey thing."

Hail blinked, then gazed over at the coffin where Beats rested. He wasn't sure how, but he understood. He flew over to it, Astra following curiously.

He nudged open the coffin, looking upon the lifeless vegetable. With a deep breath, he planted his hoof on the DJ's shoulder.

The energy spread throughout Beats's body, engulfing it in a warm light which faded just as quickly.

Beats twitched, then coughed. Astra grabbed his hand.

"Sis..."

All of the Charges stopped. They no longer had any reason to continue fighting. Each of the clones tore a rift with their axes and fled into them, leaving the original Charge to receive angry stares from all of the heroes.

"We'll meet again," Charge said simply, snapping his fingers and summoning a familiar yellow cloud to swoop from the sky and pick him up, flying him off into the distance.

"Well... he sure left in a hurry," panted Applejack, taking off what remained of her armor and laying down to take a breather.

Blah had other questions on his mind. He scurried toward where Hail had just performed the miracle that allowed Astra and Beats to embrace. "What WAS that?!"

"I'm... not really sure," Hail responded. "It's like... I took Mefirst's life, and gave it to Beats..."

"Like a Rogue," Blah inferred. "A Rogue of Life."

Bo-bobo nodded. "Our work here is done. Come along, guys." Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, and Beauty followed him up to the mail truck, as he pulled a tarp off of it that had been so tight, it was indistinguishable from the hull of the truck itself. The removal of the cover revealed a psychedelic paintjob, and a cartoonish depiction of Bo-bobo's face above a line of text that read "The Miracle Machine".

The afro dawg and his gang of meddling misfits all piled into the Miracle Machine. Bo-bobo drove off with a cry of "Bo-Bo Bo-Bo Boo!"


	41. To Calmer Waters

Chapter 41: To Calmer Waters

"So... Beats, is it?"

"That's me, coolest vegan DJ this side of the Milky Way!"

"You're a vegetable."

With the threats gone and the game plan back on the right track, everyone was free to explore their curiosities and questions once again - and Applejack was the first, questioning why a 3-foot beet with a face was standing there talking to her. In fact, she was pretty sure a beet consisted part of her dinner the other night. It was the same sort of feeling as if a fully cooked, and stuffed turkey started a conversation with a human the day after Thanksgiving.

"Hey, you're a pony," Beats responded with his arms out in a wide shrug. "And that's all right with Beats, yo!"

"In all fairness," Blah said to Applejack, "He's used to really weird things happening all the time. He's basically in the same category as Bo-bobo."

"At this rate, I'll believe just about anything," Twilight chimed in. "Although the fact that you were helped by Discord is still a hard sell for me."

"Yeah, he's still just a statue!" Rainbow Dash continued. "The only way he could get free is with the Elements of Harmony..."

Blah thought for a moment. "Time travel?" he guessed. It was the answer to a lot of questions lately.

"I KNOW Celestia wouldn't let that happen," Twilight immediately refuted. "Discord is the _embodiment of chaos_. Giving him the ability to travel through time is just begging for trouble."

"He did seem pretty thrilled about the idea of causing a paradox," Astra recalled. "However, he said that he wasn't actually there, just that he was talking to us through a 'proxy'."

"When did you say this happened again?" Blah asked.

"Mefirst had knocked me unconscious. I woke up on Derse, met Beats's dream self, and he spoke to us shortly after."

Blah began to pace back and forth. Derse... it may have been 20 years, but he remembered everything he knew about Homestuck as clearly as if it were yesterday. The purple moon directly bordered the Furthest Ring, a sort of void between universes without consistent linear flow of time and space, occupied by hyperdimensional eldritch abominations known as Horrorterrors. Was it possible Discord enlisted their assistance? Or was it enough for him to simply be there at some point and abuse its nonexistent timeline? That might count as time travel, he thought, a kind that not even Celestia could prevent.

"Hmm." Blah stopped. "I think I might know what happened... but it's complicated and would require a lot of explanation. Long story short, he probably did time travel, or at least find SOME way to influence our past from his future... which means that we have to release him."

There was a collective gasp from the other ponies, which Blah completely anticipated. "Now I know what you're thinking," he quickly continued, "but if we don't set him free, he won't be able to send that message through time. It would cause a paradox."

"So it's either set Discord free, or suffer the consequences of a time paradox." Twilight grimaced. "We fell right into his trap."

"All devils have their ways of making you seal the deal," Beats added.

"But he did make me remember who I was," Blah argued, "which ultimately allowed us to revive Beats and keep Charge out of the Medium. I'd say it's a win-draw situation."

"There is NO WAY we are going to free Discord!" Rainbow protested. "You remember what happened the last time! His work is already done, we don't have to do jack squat."

Blah sighed. "Believe me, if I had any say in it, I would agree with you. But if we don't create a stable time loop, we may end up branching our timeline off of the alpha, dooming us all."

"He has a point," Astra backed him up.

"Well I may not get all this fancy time gibberish, but they're the experts, and I trust 'em," Applejack put in her two bits. "We just need to convince the others, once they're ready..."

She and everyone else glanced in the direction of the club, outside of which stood Fluttershy, who had been patiently waiting for an opening, unnoticed for an ambiguous amount of time. As silence had fallen, she walked forward and cleared her throat softly. "Uh... Blahsadfeguie, sir, Pinkie Pie wants to talk to you in private..."

Blah felt a knot in his throat. He had been waiting for this moment, but pushing his worries to the back of his mind only made them stand out more when the time came. "Alrighty then..." he responded with a gulp as he shakily approached the double doors. Fluttershy ducked back inside for a moment, and left again with Rarity following. Blah took a deep breath and disappeared inside.

Beats scratched his head. "So what's the scoop here?"

"It's a LONG story," Hailstorm replied.

* * *

><p>Blah silently walked into the room. Several boxes and envelopes, the aftermath of Astra's battle with Mefirst, had been swept off of the dance floor and organized into a neat little pile in one corner. But in the other corner stood the reason he was in here, her head bowed in anticipation.<p>

"Pinkie...?" Blah inquired, approaching cautiously.

"Blah." She did not turn around. She barely even moved. "It was you." The emotion seemed to be completely drained from her voice.

The former human began to wonder if the talk that she had supposedly been having with Rarity and Fluttershy during his entire battle with Charge changed anything at all. Thinking carefully of how to respond, he inhaled. "Look, I-"

"It was you," she interrupted. "I fell in love with a guy who worked so hard to find his way in an unfamiliar, unforgiving world, who just wouldn't give up no matter what went wrong or who looked down on him, because he knew deep down that if he kept trying, he would eventually succeed. He was smart, fun, and talented in so many ways not even he could understand. And he always stood by, and stood up for, his friends. The only thing that kept me from telling him how I felt..." Pinkie turned, gazing at Blah with shimmering eyes. "...was that he was a human."

Blah's eyes widened as his mouth curved into a slight smile. "It WAS me... The whole time..."

Pinkie nodded. "I just couldn't work up the nerves to talk to you because, well... that would just be weird..."

"Heh..." Blah shuffled, knowing exactly how she felt. That would have been just about the most awkward thing possible.

"But... I understand that you're different now. I know that Light Star felt the same way I did but he turned out to not be who he really was and-"

"Pinkie." It was Blah's turn to interrupt. "I may not have known who I really was, but that didn't stop me from being myself. Light was just me with amnesia; we are the same person in every other way." Blah grinned. "Everything I said the day I got my cutie mark still stands. You're the only one for me, Pinkie Pie. It just took me 20 years and a full-body transformation to realize that."

A wobbly smile stretched across her face as tears started to fall. "Oh, you'll always be my Lightsy!" she cried as she tackled him, unsuspecting, to the ground.

"Ok... that..." he stuttered. "That... I can live with. Until... I suffocate, that is."

"Whoop, sorry!" She bounced off of him and continued bouncing as he picked himself up.

"Hmm, now that I think about it..." Blah brushed himself off. "I just realized... I talked to myself at one point. We did occupy the same time period." He thought back to that moment, a few weeks ago from one perspective and several years from another. A little more thought brought him to another conclusion. "You knew the Light me long before you even met the Blah me... and you crushed on both..."

Pinkie giggled, obviously feeling much better. "So? You turned out to be the same person in the end! Maybe I secretly knew that all along! My Pinkie sense never fails, after all!"

Blah put on a playfully skeptical smirk. "What's the sign for 'both of the guys I love are actually the same person', out of curiosity?"

She put a hoof around his shoulder, leaning in closer. "My heart skips a beat, there are butterflies in my stomach, and my breath gets all heavy."

"Really? What a coincidence!" Blah mirrored Pinkie's gesture. "Me too."

Pinkie suddenly recoiled in confusion. "Wait, you also love two guys who are actually the same person?"

"Pfft. Ahahaha." Blah burst into laughter. "Of course not, I was just trying to be romantic! Jeez!"

"Well then kiss me already, you dummy!" She pulled him abruptly closer, their harmonious laughter ceasing at the touch of their lips.

* * *

><p>Sniff sniff. "What's that smell?" asked a curious Don Patch, crammed into the front seat of the Miracle Machine with the other Hajikelists and Beauty.<p>

"Why, I think it's cheese," Jelly Jiggler responded, taking a whiff for himself.

"You're right!" agreed Bo-bobo. "Something smells unnecessarily cheesy! I think it's coming from where we just left!"

"What are you talking about?" Beauty asked, pointing her nose out the window. "I don't smell anything..."

Bo-bobo patted her on the head. "You'll understand when you're older, dear."

"Hey! Eyes on the road, idiot!" Don Patch snatched the wheel from in front of him. The vehicle started to swerve.

"Remember to put your hands at 10 and 2," Jelly Jiggler helpfully advised. The steering wheel was an actual clock.

"You guys are hopeless..." lamented Beauty as the three began to argue about what time it was.

* * *

><p>"...and so Blah got his memory back, we defeated Mefirst and Charge fled, so here we are," Hailstorm finished getting Beats up to speed.<p>

"Sounds like quite the quest," Beats commented. "Maybe you should get some rest?"

"Believe me, we'd love to," Hail sighed. "But the longer we wait, the more meteors will fall... so we have to get everyone into the game as quickly as possible." He looked back at the Egg-Desperado, which Twilight Sparkle, Astra, and a reawakened Dr. Eggman worked to repair. "How's the repair coming, guys?"

Eggman sat back, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Not so good," he replied. "That axe cut through my mech like a plasma-edged knife through iron. We'll need a blowtorch and some spare parts at the very least."

"Well there goes our transportation..." muttered Hail, his gaze wandering... until it landed on Wario's car, where the stout man still slept. "Wait... has he been sleeping over there this WHOLE TIME?"

Astra looked up from tightening a bolt. "Oh. So he has."

"I hope y'all know we can't ALL fit in that," Applejack stated.

"The jet is still our best option," Rarity held firm. "I'd rather ride first class than in some dinky old wagon anyway."

"h-HEY!" Wario snapped awake at the mention of his ride. He hopped out of it and stomped up to the unicorn. "Who do you think-a you are to be talking-a like that?"

"Oh, dear." Rarity turned away at the sight - and smell - of him up close. "Would you mind stepping back a tad... and perhaps eating a breath mint...?"

This only served to anger Wario further, but before he could say or do anything in response, Astra tapped him on the shoulder. Wario craned his head and was met with the sight of several gleaming gold coins. "Here's your fare," she assertively announced. "We won't be needing your services any more."

Wario took the gold and inspected it. Everything seemed to check out. "You lucked out this time, horse," he snapped to Rarity before stomping back into his vehicle and starting the engine. "But don't-a get comfortable, 'cause Wario never forgets!" He drove off in a huff.

"Well, I never."

"Ok, so we got rid of him," said Hail, "but how will we get home now?"

"I think I know a superheating spell," Twilight suggested, putting her armor back on. "I could probably maintain it for a long time with this. Will that help?"

"If you can weld metal with that magic horn of yours, then why not. Go nuts." Eggman crossed his arms grumpily. "We still need replacement parts."

Beats stood up. "Beats thinks he can rustle up some junk. He's got all kinds of old musical memories, but if it means getting our groove back, then he's cool with it." He strolled over towards the club, stopping to listen and make sure Blah and Pinkie were finished with their talk. All he could hear was giggling. "Uh..."

"What's going on?" Hail followed him up to the front doors, and heard the same thing. Laughter.

Cautiously, Beats approached the doors, but before he could push them open, there was an explosion. The doors slammed open, sending Beats flying a good ten feet, and leaving Hailstorm to take the brunt of the fallout - a gigantic mass of tan and yellow colors engulfing him and spreading out in front of the building. It smelled rather delicious.

Everyone dropped what they were doing and ran up to the goop, unsure whether they should try and brave the mess. Before anyone could come to a decision, a pony-shaped glob leaped out of it and onto uncovered ground. It shook itself off to reveal hints of pink underneath.

"We found the kitchen!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Heehee!"

A hoof emerged from the stuff, followed by a gasping Blah's head. "I think I added too much yeast... heh..." He chortled, rolling out of the path of destruction and laying to rest.

Finally, a third figure crawled out form underneath the culinary catastrophe, coughing and sputtering with his wings spread. "Bleargh. Why. Why me."

Beats stood up again, analyzing the carnage. "Heh. I've seen parties crazier than this. Left bigger messes, too."

Pinkie thoroughly cleaned her lips with her tongue. "Tell me about it! Oh, you would not BELIEVE what happened at Fluttershy's last birthday party! It was off da HOOK!"

Fluttershy blinked, her cheeks displaying a highly-visible shade of red. "I th-thought we agreed n-n-never to bring th-that up again..."

"No worries, what happens in Partytown stays in Partytown," Beats assured. He turned to Rainbow Dash. "Yo, Rainbow Rave! Do me a solid and lift me up to the top window!"

The multicolored pegasus chuckled at the nickname as she let Beats climb on. "Heh. Sure thing, veggie guy!" She hovered in front of the window as he opened and climbed through it.

"I'm surprised he didn't blow his top seeing what we did to his club..." Blah admitted, trying to rub some of the pastry mix off of him.

"What can I say," Astra answered for her friend, "he's as optimistic as they come."

* * *

><p>A few hours of solid teamwork and catching up later, the Egg-Desperado was looking good as new, save for a few dents and dings. Once Eggman gave the go-ahead, the entire party boarded the vessel as they made their way for the next destination - Canterlot. The site where Discord was presumably being held in statue form in the middle of a sculpture garden. If their predictions were correct, he should be there waiting for the group to free him and stabilize the time loop. Not everyone fully understood it, but by this point, there was more than enough trust to go around.<p>

"...but what about the Princess?" asked Twilight. "She might not be as easy to convince as everyone here. This is still Discord we're talking about."

"Eh, I'm sure she'll understand," shrugged Blah. "We haven't met, but... I've done nothing but good since I arrived here. I'm probably near the top of her favorites list already."

"Need I remind you of the greeting we received in Ponyville, after Twilight was kidnapped?" Astra contributed.

Blah thought for a moment. It had been two decades ago from his perspective, after all. "The guards... didn't seem too fond of us. That is true." He lightened up. "But then I went on to save EVERYBODY. Surely Celestia would recognize such a heroic act."

There was a sudden jerk in the motion of the plane, causing everyone to shift inside, and many of them to rather angrily express their discomfort.

The PA turned on, and Eggman's panicked voice rang out. "Er, pardon the sudden jolt... but there appears to be something around the city keeping us out. I had to make an improvised change of course."

Everyone rushed to the window. They had arrived at Canterlot, only to find a magical pink force field covering the entire city.

Twilight recognized it immediately. "That magic barrier is put up around the city only as a last resort to ward off immense threats and natural disasters..."

"Like a meteor shower?" suggested Hailstorm.

Twilight nodded. "Exactly like a meteor shower."

"Let's hope meteors are the only thing they're trying to keep out..." squeaked the paranoid Fluttershy.

"If only we had a way to communicate directly with the Princess and find out," lamented Blah as he squinted out of the window.

"Ahem." Spike stood up, gesturing at himself.

Blah turned around. "Oh yeeeah. Twilight, considering you're still definitely on good terms with Celestia, would you do the honors?"

Twilight frowned. "'Dear Princess Celestia,'" recited Twilight sarcastically, "'could you let us in for a moment so we can free Discord?' Yeah, that'll go over well."

"No need to mention Discord just yet," Blah decided. "Just ask what's the deal with the force field, and make sure we're still clear for entry."

"Considering what we're here to do," Rarity cut in politely, "I doubt Princess Celestia would appreciate not knowing until it's too late."

"So just ask about the barrier, and see what her response is before talking about coming in?" Blah shrugged. "Better to play it safe, I guess."

Twilight hesitated for a moment, ending with a sigh. "All right. It's worth a try. Spike, take a letter." Spike produced a quill and parchment from seemingly nowhere. Blah was somewhat impressed at how prepared the little dragon was, even after being fake-napped. Twilight cleared her throat, thinking carefully about how to word the letter. "'Dear Princess Celestia, I am aware the recent meteor shower has only gotten worse since it began; however, I wasn't aware that it was dangerous enough to warrant such a great expenditure of energy to protect Canterlot. So, I must ask one humble question out of mild concern: is the barrier in place just to hold back meteors, or is there an even greater threat on the horizon? Your swift response would be much appreciated. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.'"

She stopped, and there was silence as she played back the query in her head. Nervously, she asked Spike, "Would you read that back to me, please?"

As Spike opened his mouth, Blah interrupted with an anxious "Just send it already. Time is kind of at a premium by this point."

Twilight reluctantly nodded, and Spike took a deep breath, engulfing the letter in green flames and sending it off. Everyone sat on pins and needles as they waited for a reply.

"Gas doesn't grow on trees you know," Dr. Eggman finally said, causing everyone to jump. "I have to land this thing eventually."

"Go ahead," Blah permitted as the rest of the passengers calmed down.

The plane cruised into a landing on the road just outside of the city, as there was little other flat terrain for a suitable landing. Everyone hopped off, allowing Eggman to transform the Desperado back into its mech form and remove it from the path, setting it down in the grass.

Just as everyone was about to settle down again, the sound of Spike belching brought everyone to their feet. A rolled-up letter materialized in a puff of smoke, which the dragon quickly caught and unfurled.

He cautiously began to read. "'My dearest Twilight, it is with great regret that I must inform you that no living being is permitted to cross the city limits of Canterlot at this time. Furthermore, I strongly advise that you and your friends stay away from Blahsadfeguie and do not assist him in his reckless, endangering behavior. His very presence attracts evils the likes of which have never before been encountered by ponykind, and it is all we can do to prevent further-' hey!" Blah snatched the letter from Spike, as well as a blank parchment and quill.

"Forget the formalities, I'm talking to her myself," Blah grumbled, angrily scribbling out a reply. "I've got to set this straight."

"With that attitude, it's no wonder the princess doesn't seem to like you," Twilight asserted, trotting over to him. "Now put the quill down before you make a bigger mess."

Blah stopped for a moment, finally deciding to follow the unicorn's directions, inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm his nerves. "Ok... you're right, but if Celestia won't let us into Canterlot..."

"We'll just have to reason with her," Twilight continued, passing the writing implements back to Spike.

"Do you think there's a way for us to meet her in person?" Spike begged, anticipating a very long conversation.

"No need to worry about that," answered a strong voice from above. Everyone directed their attention towards the looming white figure of Princess Celestia descending on their position, followed by a group of four royal pegasus bodyguards. All of the ponies immediately bowed, as did Spike, Astra, and Beats. Blah looked frantically between the others before remembering to show his respect as well, while Eggman leaned against his mech, watching indifferently from the background.

"You may rise," Celestia permitted, and everyone relaxed... slightly. As the princess continued to look down on everyone with an expression of stern authority, it was hard not to feel rather intimidated. Particularly for Blah, who gazed upon her majesty for the first time, her striped mane flowing proudly despite little wind.

"Your Highness..." began Blah, mustering every ounce of confidence in his body, "you've probably heard a lot about me and the things I've done, including the fact that many of the 'evils' that plague Equestria and its surrounding lands were conceived by me at some point. And so it would be logical to assume that I am the cause of it, and I'll admit that is a very strange coincidence, but I'm actually doing my best to prevent it. I want them all gone just as much as you do, Your Majesty."

"I've already heard that you plan to free Discord so that he can influence the time stream," Celestia refuted. "I cannot allow you to do that."

Blah flinched, as did many of his party. How did she find out so fast? With Blah unable to find a way to respond, Astra picked up the slack. "With all due respect, Princess..." she addressed, "We have no choice. It's because of Discord that Blah was able to get his memory back, and as this is an event that already happened, we must stabilize the time loop he created by freeing him and allowing him to do so from his future. Otherwise, a time paradox will be created."

"He also talked like he knew a lot more than he let on," Beats added. "If we can squeeze out of him the facts, we can finally get down to brass tacks."

Beats's rhyme helped to lighten the mood a bit. "Also, Princess..." Twilight stepped forward. "There was something that one of the villains said that still bugs me... Something about continuities, and the rehabilitation of Discord..."

Celestia took on an expression of mild bewilderment, as if Twilight had read her mind. "Ever since Discord's defeat not long ago, I have considered how his magic might be used for good, if it were possible for him to be reformed... there's the potential for good in everyone, after all, no matter how cold the heart. And it is true that the same goes for you, Blahsadfeguie."

Blah felt most of his tension leave him in an instant, replaced by a tingling warmth that could only come from a princess's compliment. "However, Discord is a fickle soul," she continued, keeping the focus on the matter at hand. "Getting him to cooperate will be hard enough, let alone taming him outright."

"So we'll have the Elements of Harmony ready!" Rainbow Dash contributed. "That way, if he tries anything funny, we can just stone him again. Simple as that!"

There was chatter of agreement among the rest of the crowd. "And he already helped me, in the future," said Blah. "That means either we'll succeed, or he was planning on helping all along. 'Hard' is not the same as 'impossible'!"

Briefly considering the facts, Celestia nodded. "That is correct. And if anyone can accomplish this task, it's you ponies. All right, you've convinced me. I'll escort you to the garden in which Discord is kept. Come along, we have no time to lose!"

The group began to follow the princess as well as her guards, who showed a bit less confidence than the co-ruler of Equestria just did. "Hey..." Dr. Eggman spoke up from the back, for the first time in a while. "What about me? Am I free to go, or what?"

Blah turned around. "We'll need SOME form of transportation when we're finished," he explained. "But I doubt Celestia trusts you as well as all of us, so you should probably hang out here and wait. Go listen to your music or something." He turned again and caught up with the rest of the gang.

Grumbling, Eggman climbed back into his mech, got as comfortable as he could, and donned his headphones.


	42. Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 42: Dancing with the Devil

In the vast sculpture garden of Canterlot stood, among the various statues, three earth ponies, three pegasi, two unicorns, a dragon, a human, and a beet. Before them towered the anguished, serpentine form of a petrified draconequus, his every limb and horn borrowed from a different species of animal. Despite being frozen in such a pitiful pose, his impish, malevolent eyes still cast a powerful, condescending stare, as if consciously sizing up the new arrivals and poking fun at them. No innocent soul was nearby, as they had all been instructed to clear the area for their own safety.

Princess Celestia had already left to take care of the other issues on her plate, entrusting the rest of the task to her subjects. Each of them exhibited varying amounts of confidence.

Donning the symbols of the Elements of Harmony, six of the ponies stepped in front of the rest, harnessing their multicolored power and focusing it on the statue. With bated breath, the others witnessed the stone cracking, giving way to the might of the embodiment of chaos itself. Bursting forth in an explosion of rubble, the satisfied Discord stood amongst smoke, stretching and refamiliarizing himself with movement.

"Whew!" sighed Discord as he loosened up his joints in every direction imaginable, while the onlookers stood vigilant. "Thank goodness you arrived, I was just starting to get a cramp." He took interest to Blah right away, hovering around him and studying from every angle before moving on to Hailstorm. "I see you've brought some new fruits to the basket. Or vegetables, in this case," he mused as he lackadaisically poked Beats in the head.

"Hey man, lay off the dome," the vegetable protested.

"Why would I, with a 'dome' as round and spectacularly moist as yours," laughed Discord, backing off to study Astra, who was still in the process of studying him as well.

"We're not here to give you things to poke at!" proclaimed Twilight.

Discord crossed his arms, giving Twilight a coy glare. "Oh, I figured THAT much, my dear Twilight Sparkle." He ruffled the unicorn's mane to her chagrin, making it puff out. "But I figure the least you could do when greeting an old friend would be to leave out a few innocent, woodland creatures for me to play with."

"After what you did to them the last time," Fluttershy asserted herself, "we wouldn't let you get within a hundred yards of one..." She trailed off as Discord swooped within inches of her face with an intimidating expression. He laughed, watching her shrink away.

"All right, Discord," Blah said as he stepped forward, "I know you're a man... pony... dragon of action, so I'll cut to the chase."

"Ah, the no-nonsense leader type, are you?" Discord pulled up a large, cushioned chair out of thin air and nestled himself comfortably in it, folding his legs and twiddling his fingers. "How boring. But do go on."

Blah was taken aback for a moment at his beloved spirit of chaos calling him 'boring', but he continued. "We're here because a future version of yourself played a significant role in rekindling the reunion of the universes, and in order to complete the time loop, we have to set you free."

"Now I KNOW that's preposterous," Discord denied, sprawling himself across the arms of his chair. "Time travel and I don't get along very well. I'm basically a walking paradox as it is, and entrusting me to keep the timelines straightened out is like asking a fox to watch over a chicken coop."

"It's true..." Astra added. "It's literally impossible for a being that radiates as much chaos as he to have a physical presence in any time but the present... which is why he used what he called a 'proxy'."

"Hmm... I never thought of that. I like your style, kid!" Discord affectionately stroked Astra's cheek. She wondered if she should regret what she had just told him, as did just about everyone else.

Someone in the group didn't quite think so, however. Pinkie Pie could sense something just a bit strange about Discord's behavior. "You knew all that already, didn't you?!" she accused, eyeing him suspiciously, and rather closely.

Discord froze for a moment. Then laughed. "Hah hah, Pinkie, you really do remind me of myself." He floated wistfully through the sky, shrugging. "Who's to say that wasn't me from the PAST that you interacted with? You might have just freed me for no reason for all you know!"

This only served to make everyone feel worse. Including Pinkie. "Oh... yeah..."

"...so in that case, do you know who I am already?" Blah asked, trying to keep his cool. As much as he liked the guy, actually meeting him in person was another thing entirely.

"Oh, anypony can tell there's something different about you," Discord said as he produced measuring tape and noted all of Blah's dimensions. "You're not quite like the other ponies, that's for sure. One might almost say you have two too many legs."

"So you DO know," concluded Blah. "And since you helped me before... or perhaps later... do you think maybe you could..."

"Turn you back into a human?" Discord guessed. "Well, it's certainly within my capabilities... I am a master of transformative magic after all..." He demonstrated this ability on a nearby flower, turning it into a toothy, snapping venus flytrap, "...but what's in it for me?"

"What was in it for you when you helped Blah get his memory back?" Hailstorm confronted.

"I think you already know the answer to that, my little markspony," Discord taunted as he picked up a pebble and flicked it at the winter pegasus, beaning him right between the eyes. It didn't hurt, but it definitely shut him up.

There was much panic among everyone by this point, considering the deed has already been done. Their original plan was to free Discord so that it he's able to accomplish the task that is yet to happen from his perspective, but now the possibility that it was him from the past was revealed, meaning this act may have been unnecessary.

Twilight wasn't quite convinced, though. Clearing her mind and focusing on the present, she spoke. "You're still here." She gave the draconequus an accusing stare. "If it was you from the past... and there was nothing else you needed us for... you would have long since tried to escape by now, or else risk getting found out and sealed by the Elements again. But one or both of those things are false. Because you seem to have no intention of leaving..."

"Well, well, Twilight... using logic against a deity of chaos..." Discord took on a dull, defeated grimace. "Well played. All right, there is no need to panic... you did the right thing. I'm not even sure what this proxy might have been, but it almost certainly would...or will have involved someone else's help. Someone who knows the ins and outs of the time stream well enough to find a few loop holes to exploit..."

"So," Blah stepped in again, "there is the matter of what you still need us for... Surely a group as powerful and influential as us has some use to you, am I right? And I really do miss having hands..."

"Whoa, hold on there, pardner," Applejack interrupted. "Are you absolutely SURE that y'all want to offer more of your help to Discord over somethin' as simple as becomin' human again...?"

"Well I for one don't care who or what he wants to be," Pinkie added. "He'll always be my Lightsy, no matter how many legs he has or how much clothing he wears!"

"The choice is up to HIM, after all..." Discord nodded. "Stay as a pony forever... or help out little ol' me with some teensy weensy errands?" He blinked rapidly, giving Blah the puppy-eyed treatment.

"...Can we at least hear what you want us to do before I decide?" Blah asked, showing some hesitation. It was obvious to all that he was trying to stall so that he'd have more time to decide, and it wasn't helping to calm their nerves at all.

"It's simple, really," Discord said with a grin, producing a white screen and a projector, initiating a slideshow along with his upcoming speech. He donned a pair of 3-D glasses, even though the slides were in no way three-dimensional. In fact, they were overly cartoony.

"Our goals already overlap in a lot of places." The first slide was one of that exact moment - the group of heroes standing around the projector controlled by Discord. Most of them were depicted with speech bubbles above their heads filled with question marks. "I already know you're trying to separate the eight universes from one..." A diagram of the eight Jewels of Universe, each one a distinct color. "...by playing a game designed just for that sort of occasion." Eight planets in the exact locations of the Jewels from the previous slide, orbiting a complex black-and-white checkered shape. "And some of the main obstacles in your way are Charge and his minions."

A crude drawing of eight figures with exaggerated evil expressions, most of which were easily recognized: Charge, Trank, Mefirst (with a giant red X scribbled over him), Ipsus (with a similar X, but also a question mark drawn above him), Edwin, Rochelle, and Sihok, but the eighth was a clearly female humanoid with smooth, jet black skin and small, solid white eyes. Blah at least identified her species to be Dersite, a race of chess-themed inhabitants of the dark moon Derse. There were a handful of key Dersite "NPCs" in the iterations of SBURB that he had seen, but she was not one of them as far as Blah could tell.

"They seem pretty intent on infiltrating the game in someone's place, are they not? Well I simply want them... Out of the picture!" The next slide was a copy of the previous one, except there were red X's over all of the figures, and Charge's was covered entirely in angry scribbles, as well as the word "DEAD" written nearby for emphasis.

"Wanting all of them... d-dead?" Fluttershy quietly observed. "Th-that seems a bit harsh, even for you..."

"Fluttershy's right," Twilight added. "Killing in self-defense is one thing... but we wouldn't want to kill anybody that we didn't have to..."

"I'll have you know that Mefirst's death was absolutely necessary," Hailstorm defended, even though nobody had been threatening to accuse him. "We were too late to save Beats using the... uh, the 'standard' method."

"Beats ain't holding anything against you, bro," Beats gratefully reinforced with a thumbs-up.

"Oh, trust me, you'll have to finish every last one of them off," Discord assured. "If you don't, they'll keep coming back, strong as ever. You've already seen that with Ipsus. And after all they've put you through so far, don't tell me that you don't want to put an end to it, once and for all."

"They ARE the main reason we've made so little progress after such a long time... what EXACTLY are their plans, anyway?" Blah asked.

Discord turned back to the slideshow. "They also want to separate the universes, only once that's done..." A slide showing each of the rival gang standing on top of the eight planets, each wearing a crown. "...they want to rule each of them as gods. This is part of the game's reward to the players for completing it, you see. And with them in charge... haha, see what I did there?" Mixed reactions from the crowd. "...Anyway." A slide of a very sad, small Discord slinking away from the towering Charge. "I won't have any influence over the universe at all. None! I'll lose all of my power. And of course, so will Celestia and Luna. Not that I care about them. It's a package deal, really."

"So it all boils down to this..." Blah summarized. "Either let Discord on the loose, where chaos MIGHT get out of hand... or let Charge on the loose, where there will be no hope for anyone whatsoever."

"When you put it like THAT..." Twilight bowed her head solemnly. "It's the lesser of two evils... but since one comes with the princesses losing all of their power..."

Discord shut off the projector, which disappeared along with its image. "Of course, you'll also have me on your side to make the task much easier. And I KNOW you'll have a rough time against Charge without my help. I don't like fighting directly, but just imagine what you could accomplish with the powers of chaos itself aiding you!" He emphasized his last statement by darkening the sky, casting lightning from it ominously.

"...but it can't be that simple," Twilight followed. "This is still Discord we're talking about, and all he's asking is to completely exterminate a group of wrongdoers we were already up against... There has to be a catch."

"Yeah," threatened Rainbow Dash, getting within striking distance of Discord, "he probably wants to do the exact same thing - take someone's place and rule the universe himself!"

Discord stumbled away, appalled by Rainbow's suggestion. "Why, that's absurd! I would NEVER backstab my new allies in such a dastardly way!" The sarcasm and inflection in his voice was thoroughly scathing. Nobody was amused. "...Especially not when they're THIS ADORABLE," he neared Fluttershy, whose frantic scrambling was in vain as he snatched her up in an exaggerated hug. "Look, who could betray this face?" He held the cowering yellow pegasus up to the heroes. Still nobody was amused.

"Man, put that poor girl down," Beats shunned. "Nobody's buying it, you uncool clown."

"Oh, and you think YOU'RE cool just because you rhyme every other sentence," Discord muttered, setting Fluttershy on the ground where she scampered to safety behind Twilight.

"All right, let me revise my earlier summary, in full, unabridged detail," Blah said forcefully. "Discord wants us to kill some dudes that we very well could have ended up killing anyway, in return for turning me back into a human and offering his 'help' getting us past the game and the dudes. Where he might eventually stab us in the back afterward to become the single ruler of Equestria and possibly more. It's either that, or I remain a pony just like I've been for the past 20 years, and we'll just have to deal with the game and the dudes ourselves, which I say we're pretty well equipped for. Not to mention, considering I am a Hero of Space, and a veteran of Hajike, I'll probably find a way to change back on my own. Well guys, what do you th-"

"Did you say Hajike...?" Discord interrupted. He seemed genuinely surprised at the mention of the word.

"Y... yes," Blah confirmed, sensing that he may have just introduced a new variable into the equation. There were confused looks all around. "What does it mean to you?"

"Well, my boy..." Discord put an arm over Blah's shoulder. The latter was too interested on what the former had to say to mind. "Hajike means a lot to me... for it's essentially weaponized chaos!"

Something snapped in Blah's head. "So... are you saying that we both get power from the same source...?"

"More or less! Tell me, what's your style?" This was more than just a tactic to keep the conversation going. Blah could tell that Discord was legitimately interested, and the connection was definitely plausible.

"I use Fist of the Milky Way," Blah explained. "My attacks are themed after celestial bodies and phenomena..."

"How fitting! I bet you're pretty good, but I could teach you how to be even better," Discord proposed. "Learn a few tricks from the master himself, and you might just have a chance against Charge..."

"Blah, don't tell me you're going to fall for something like that!" Twilight cut in, showing that not everyone quite believed the same thing Blah did.

Blah remained cautious. "What do you have to teach me that I couldn't learn from, say, Bo-bobo...?"

"Bo-bobo's an expert, sure, but I am the MASTER. Hajike draws power from chaos, and you're talking to chaos incarnate! The question you should be asking is, what DON'T I have to teach you?"

"Ooh! Do me too!" Pinkie Pie jumped excitedly.

"Pinkie..." resounded an exasperate cry from the other ponies.

Ignoring them, she carried on. "Blah said a while ago that I might have potential with that hash brown stuff, and I'd have to be pretty dumb to ever pass up the opportunity to be as cool as him! So teach me how to use it too!"

"Heh, at this rate I could open up an entire dojo," mused Discord. "It's only fair that you both should get an equal chance at my training."

Blah looked back at the other heroes. None of them seemed too thrilled about the idea. He cleared his throat. "All right, allow me to modify our working arrangement... You'll change me back into a human, as well as teach me and Pinkie some of your secrets. In return, we'll take out Charge and his accomplices for you WITHOUT your supervision. You must stay here in Canterlot, under Celestia's watch, in contact with us via Pesterchum or something so that we can complete the time loop as planned whenever we figure out how to do it. Furthermore, you will not be allowed to go on any of your famous chaos sprees. Failure to comply will result in you being sealed in stone, right back where you came from. How does that sound, everyone?"

There was some begrudging approval among the crowd.

"Hmm, talk about getting the shorter end of the bargain," Discord complained. "I'm not getting a whole lot of freedom here..."

"On the contrary..." Twilight refuted. "The fact that we're allowing you to move around the city rather than spend your time as a statue until you're needed is freedom enough, don't you think?"

"You... have a point." Discord sighed. "Ok, you win this one. But I have just one more amendment to make." Everyone groaned, anticipating the worst. "You don't get the full extent of my services... just yet. With each member of Charge's band you take down, I'll deliver more and more on my promise. By the time you're ready to face Charge himself, I'll have given you all the training you need to defeat him."

Blah thought for a moment. "I think we can live with that, as long as you follow all of the other restrictions..."

"Oh, I will. If nothing else, I'm a draconequus of my word."

"I don't know how believable that is," said Twilight, "but given his situation, and especially his vicinity to Princess Celestia, he's not in much of a position to try anything."

"Also, I suggest the six of us stay here in Canterlot as well," Rarity suggested. "Blahsadfeguie doesn't need our direct help to enter his little game. And that way, we'll have the Elements of Harmony nearby if Discord really misbehaves. Plus, I've always wanted another opportunity to stay here in the city for a while..."

"But..." Pinkie was the only one who had an obvious problem with that. "I want to go with Blah..."

"Sorry, Pinkie," Twilight apologized, "but the Elements won't work if somepony's missing. We learned that the hard way last time, remember?" Pinkie nodded sadly.

"And hey, don't worry," Blah reassured her as well, "it sure sounds like we'll be coming back here a lot for Discord's training anyway. Perhaps even more often than that." Pinkie nodded again.

Discord sighed again, more due to impatience this time. "So do we have a deal or not...?"

Everyone looked at each other one last time to make sure there were no objections. They were all ready for the commitment they were about to make, including Pinkie Pie.

"I believe so." Blah extended a hoof, which Discord was more than happy to shake.

The deal was sealed. There was a collective sigh of relief.

"Ok. I think we all know what comes first." Blah looked up at Discord expectingly.

A moment of silence passed, before the king of chaos realized what was going on. "Oh... pardon me, I'm just not used to going that long without something silly happening." He stretched his fingers, wiggled them a bit, and pointed them in Blah's direction. The stallion closed his eyes, knowing that he would open them as something different entirely...

Poof. For a fraction of an instant, Blah felt complete nothingness, as if he had passed through nonexistence, but it was over just as quickly, replaced with... a feeling that was very familiar, and yet very alien. It felt natural, yet new at the same time. It was something he hadn't felt in ages, so it made sense to him that it would feel a little odd. He was prepared for that. He felt colder in some areas than others, which meant that he had clothes instead of fur. His old clothes, no doubt. They felt rather tight and awkward in some areas, but he expected it to feel weird after a couple of decades of wearing barely anything at all. Their presence was a definite plus, anyway. His eyes opened, revealing the world from a taller height than he had been used to. It was rather dizzying... He noticed everyone else was staring at him as if they too were seeing something for the first time in 20 years.

Blah raised his arms in front of him, seeing that he definitely had hands now... clenching them into fists to test that they were real. They were, and they were great. Next, he tried bringing them up to his face, clutching his hair with one hand and his glasses with the other. An old, subconscious tic of his, still very much present. His hair reached his shoulders, roughly the same length that he remembered it, and his glasses were definitely there. The staring continued. He couldn't get over some of their faces, now that he was focusing more on the crowd... some were of shock, some of confusion, and Discord himself seemed overly amused for some reason, barely holding in his laughter.

Blah opened his new, human mouth to speak. "What's the matter, guys, I feel fi..." He stopped. Something wasn't right. His voice... sounded completely different than what he remembered. It was a lot higher-pitched.

He looked down at himself, and immediately regretted it. It was a human body, yes, but there was a significant problem with it. It was not a male human body.

"D-Discord..." Blah addressed, fully aware of how unnatural he (or she) sounded. "What did you do."

"What are you talking about..." the culprit asked, trying very hard to stifle his amusement. "I turned you... into a human..." At that point, he doubled over in mad laughter.

"Oh yeah, I can see that," Blah's voice went even higher in a combination of disbelief and rage. "But this... I didn't agree to this." Discord's laughter did not stop. "This isn't funny! Change me back right now, or else...!"

"What?" Discord wiped away a tear, sitting up on the ground and letting his guffawing die down. "Didn't I say you wouldn't be getting 'the full extent of my services' right away? It was part of the deal, remember? Plus, I must say... it's not a bad look for you!" He burst into laughter once again.

"Are you saying now I'm stuck like this until we kill one of Charge's minions?" As the shock wore off, Blah began to feel extremely uncomfortable and nervous in front of everyone else.

"...just look on the bright side," Twilight was the first of the witnesses to speak. "You're human now. You can use hammers again, among other things."

"Biological sex is really of little importance," Astra said next. She seemed the least fazed by the change. "Especially compared to what you were wanting in the first place... to be human again..."

Blah shuffled a bit. "I _guess _you're right... but I'm bound to see somebody else before it's all said and done. What will they think of me...?"

"Silly Blah, we've already been over this!" Pinkie giggled, bouncing closer. "You're still you on the inside, no matter how many changes you go through on the outside!"

"I didn't think you'd be taking this as well as you are, Pinkie..." Blah noted. "What about... us?"

Pinkie laughed. "What? We can still hang out and laugh together like we have been." She leaned in closer for a whisper. "The more... intimate stuff might have to wait a bit though. I mean, unless you're up for trying something new..."

Blah's eyes went wide. "I didn't think you were, uh..." He couldn't figure out how serious she was being.

"...You're enjoying this, aren't you." Twilight gave an incriminating, dissatisfied glare in the direction of Discord, who hid away a bowl of popcorn and faked an innocent smile.

"Ok, listen," Hailstorm finally spoke from the back. "Discord is obviously trying to stall for time by creating shock and drama. Blah, you of all people should know our time is important... I say we wrap it up and get straight to entering the game."

Discord drooped. "Aww... you're no fun at all."

Blah was somewhat grateful for the opportunity to change the subject. Hail had a point. "I agree completely," Blah said, "but you're forgetting something. We're still missing two of our players. Seraphina and Broshi. Does anyone have any idea where, or dare I say when, they went?" As he talked, he collected the armor his equine self had worn not long ago. It certainly wouldn't fit him now...

Eager to get down to business, Astra stepped forward. "I used some special equipment of mine to scan the remnants of the vortex from which Hailstorm emerged. I learned that, other than you and him, someone entered the current timeline about a month ago, and someone else landed 2 years in the future."

"So one of them won't be available to us for another 2 years..." Blah repeated. "However, we do have reason to search. Ok. Since we have some players ready to enter the game right now, we'll just have to get started with the first couple. Beats, you'll be Astra's server."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," the veggie-man accepted. Astra nodded as well.

"Meanwhile, me and Hailstorm will go back to Blahtown and prepare ourselves. Something happened to my backpack, so I need a new hammer at least. I'll serve Beats when he's ready, but until then we'll search for Seraphina and Broshi. If one of them has been around for a month, there has to be some clue as to where they are..."

"Right," Hail acknowledged. It was a great feeling, hearing Blah assert his command again, even if it wasn't quite his voice. "Oh, also!" Hail fished out his tablet computer and set it in front of Twilight. "You should take this, in case you need to communicate with us while we're gone. I'll be with Blah, so you could talk to me through him." He paused, conscious about the inaccuracy of the pronoun he just used. "Uh... Blah? Sorry if this is a strange or an awkward question, but..."

Blah sighed, not even looking at Hail. "I would still prefer being referred to as a 'he', but to be honest, by this point I wouldn't really care. Just say whatever comes naturally. And that goes for all of you, really. Narrator included." If such a narrator even existed, he would be sure to keep that in mind. Right after punishing him for breaking the fourth wall.

"...well, anyway," Twilight went back on track, taking Hail's device, "we'll keep in touch."

"Good. That settles it." Blah was more than ready to go. He turned to Pinkie once again. "I'll come back very soon. Hopefully by the time we meet again, we'll have gotten most of these things sorted out and I'll be back to my old self..." Pinkie smiled brightly. Blah could still hardly believe she didn't mind so much, but perhaps that was just one advantage of being Pinkie.

"W-what about me?" asked Spike, suddenly drawing everyone's attention. Many of them had forgotten he was even there. "Where do I go...?"

Twilight thought for a moment. "You can go with Blah, who will take you back to Ponyville," she decided. "Someone has to look after the library while we're gone. Not to mention inform all of the townsponies where we'll be for the next... who knows how long. You can handle that, right Spike?"

Spike gave a salute. "You can count on me, Twilight!"

"We'll try our best to keep him out of trouble," promised Blah. "Now, let's get this over with..."

* * *

><p>The Egg-Desperado was in motion once more, with its passenger count cut in half. Their plan was already in motion. Twilight and the other Element-wielders told Celestia about the deal they had made with Discord, and the Princess immediately helped the seven of them get settled within the city. Blah, Hail, Astra, Beats, and Spike boarded Eggman's jet. Their first destination was Astra's house, in order to finally prepare her for entry into the Medium as soon as possible. Veggie Vegas was next, as it was still Beats's place of residence, followed by Ponyville to drop off Spike and take care of some unsettled business. Eggman would then stop at Blahtown and deliver his remaining two passengers, then he was free to return to Metropolis. Along the way, they planned to search for traces of the one friend that was dumped into the timeline a month before.<p>

"So... is there anything else you know about where they landed?" Blah asked Astra, wisely using their travel time to discuss the missing players.

"They should have all arrived in or near Ponyville," she answered. "So far, both you and Hailstorm ended up in the same physical place... so it's only reasonable to assume that Sera and Broshi did as well."

"That's a good point," Blah agreed. "So it sounds like Ponyville is the best place to search for clues... Perhaps some of the residents can remember back to a month ago..."

"Also..." Hail chimed in. "I think that Broshi must have been the one that wound up in the past. If it were Sera, she probably would've been able to find you easily. Maybe even as Light Star."

"Another good point. But what would he have done..." Blah gazed out of the window thoughtfully. "I'm pretty sure a month is further into the past than when I first arrived here. He might not have even realized what time it was, went searching for us, and is probably lost somewhere." He sighed. "But we'll worry about that when we get to Ponyville. It's not like we can learn any new information without talking to someone who was there that month..."

A few moments of silence passed. Spike cleared his throat loudly. "I live in Ponyville, you know..."

"Oh! That's right!" exclaimed Hail. "Do you remember anything strange happening around the town a month ago...?"

Spike thought back. "Now that you mention it, a weird sound woke me up one night last month." He tilted his head in thought. "I don't remember it too well, because I was still sleepy, but I looked out the window and saw... something round, I think."

"Something round?" repeated Blah.

"Yeah, just this large round thing sitting in the middle of the road." He strained to remember. "It was dark and rainy, too, so I couldn't make out any details..."

"That doesn't sound relevant at all," said Hail. "Neither Sera nor Broshi are that round. I think they'd both have some kind of easily distinguishable features, even to someone who's half-asleep and has very little light."

"I wouldn't say that," said Astra. "Remember the state that Blah was in when he arrived 20 years ago. He wasn't even human anymore. Maybe whoever it was suffered a similar change."

"Did the round object do anything?" Blah encouraged Spike to continue. "Did you attempt to get a closer look, or wait until morning?"

Spike shook his head. "I was too tired to do anything about it, so I went back to bed. I didn't see it again in the morning, so I thought it was just a dream."

"That... doesn't really tell us much," concluded Hail.

"Hey, I'm trying my best," Spike defended. "Maybe somepony else saw it too and can remember more?"

"Well, that'll have to wait until we get back to Ponyville," said Blah. "We've got a few places to go fir-"

WHAM! The plane shook violently. A small alarm blared.

"W-what was that?!" cried Spike, taking cover under a seat.

"Don't panic," Dr. Eggman announced, "but we're under attack!"

"That sounds like reason to panic to me," Hail argued as Blah and Astra rushed to the window to attempt to get a better look.

"We'll have to make an emergency landing..." Eggman said uneasily, yet showing good concentration. "Most of my weapons are covered up in this plane form, I can't transform this thing with passengers in the back."

The plane tilted suddenly, dodging some kind of pulsating green projectile. Blah barely spotted it as it whizzed past. "May I ask WHAT is attacking?"

"It's too small to see from up here," replied Astra.

"We can't even catch a break today," Beats lamented. "I just want to go home and play..."

The plane neared the ground, aiming for a flat, grassy plain. Two figures stood in the middle of it. One of them watched as the other shot projectiles of various colors.

"Who are they?" Astra questioned.

"We'll find out soon enough..." answered Blah as the plane touched down. Its passengers filed out as quickly as they could, entering a battle pose. Whoever it was, they stopped to confront the heroes directly.

Nobody recognized them straight away, except for Blah... who was shocked at the two beings that stood before him.

One was Bob Sladfigy, the strangely-fashioned trainer that he had defeated a long time ago in a rather rough battle. He had with him a Pokemon, but it was not one Blah had seen him with before. It was a Kadabra, and judging by the shortness of the whiskers, a female one.

"Is that..." Blah uttered, keeping his guard up.

"Huh. Is that really all of you?" Bob asked, a little surprised himself. "Nobody else on board?"

"Who wants to know, anyway?" Hailstorm demanded.

Bob shrugged arrogantly. "The name's Bob Sladfigy. I'm looking for a medium-haired, hammer-wielding bully by the name of Blahsadfeguie. No relation. My new friend here tells me that he was on that plane." He pointed sharply at the pegasus. "Now where are you hiding him?"

"W-what..." Hail began, unsure how to react to this odd-looking fellow who knew a surprising amount about Blah. He glanced discreetly at Blah for direction. Blah shook his head slightly. "...are you t-talking about," Hail stuttered from the pressure. He turned out to be a terrible liar. "I n-never heard of anyone by that n-name..."

"An obvious lie," the Kadabra spoke in a cold voice, startling everyone. "Blah is already standing right in front of us."

"Really?" Bob studied each of the heroes closely. He stopped on Eggman. "You're not saying he suddenly got old and fat, are you?"

"I take offense to that," Eggman responded angrily.

"No," the Kadabra stated bluntly. "Blah appears to us in the form of that woman." She pointed in his direction.

"Ah, I see... a clever disguise to avoid my wrath," Bob mused, walking up to Blah. "That's about as fake as fake gets." He poked Blah's breast smugly. Blah wasn't sure whether to feel offended, violated, or both.

He slapped Bob's hand away. "I assure you, they're real, and don't you get any ideas," asserted Blah. Astra silently facepalmed.

"Wow, seems a bit extreme of a measure just to avoid someone..." Bob shrugged again. "Whatever floats your boat, I guess!"

Anger slowly boiled within Blah's core. "I never said I did it to avoid you specifically, or that I even had any choice, for that matter... But it's a long, unimportant story. One that you have no business with. What I want to know is why you're looking for me all of a sudden."

"Isn't it obvious?" Bob sneered. "I'm looking for a rematch! I went through some training, tweaked my team a bit, and now I'm ready to really show you who's boss!" Bob chuckled darkly. "And don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a girl now... apparently..."

Blah ignored that last comment in order to ask one burning question. "In that case, would you mind introducing us to your new team member here?"

"Hah, gladly!" Bob gave the Kadabra a flourish. "Introducing, the elusive and gifted Seraphina!"

Hearing that name was a shock to everyone, Blah included. It was just as he had feared. This Kadabra was indeed Seraphina, evolved and in Bob's possession.

She had a piercing stare, one that didn't suit her in the slightest, directed at Blah in particular, as if he had murdered someone very close to her.

"Sera..." Blah addressed. "Surely, you remember me...?"

"I remember you far too well, Blahsadfeguie." Sera's eyes were unblinking, fixated on her former ally. "How you abandoned me, leaving me defenseless at the mercy of Charge... but Bob showed me compassion."

"Huh...?" Blah couldn't quite grasp what had happened. If Sera was here, it meant that she was the one who had to wait a month after that trip back to the alpha timeline... what had Charge done to her?

Bob chuckled again, interrupting Blah's thoughts. "It's ok, I understand you don't know what compassion is. But that's not going to matter after this fight."

"...D-do we HAVE to fight them right now?" Hail complained, taking a step away from the intimidating Seraphina.

Before anyone could respond, Bob cut in. "Hold on, I never said anything about fighting all of YOU. It's Blah and only Blah I want my revenge on! Now let's get started already!" Bob tossed his remaining 5 Pokeballs, one by one, until he was surrounded by Pokemon. His team was roughly the same as his previous team: the Butterfree, the Typhlosion, and the Ampharos were here, and it looked like two of his Pokemon evolved into Togekiss and Floatzel. His Gallade, likely having learned his lesson from the previous battle, was absent. Bob's team stared down the heroes, eagerly awaiting their first commands.

"This is hardly fair..." Astra stated. "Six against one? Not to mention, Blah doesn't have his signature weapons with him."

Astra's words caught Blah by surprise. She was right, he had almost forgotten about his backpack with all of his equipment... How was he expected to fight without any weapons? He did get by against Knuckles all that time ago, but he was about to go up against Pokemon, and six at once...

"I don't blame you for not knowing, because you weren't there," Bob refuted, "but our last battle was actually six against two. So... I'll allow him one partner in this rematch."

"Just one...?" Blah looked between the rest of his current party. Who could possibly give him the best chance in this battle?

Dr. Eggman stepped forward, clearing his throat. "Pardon me, rainbow hair," he confidently jeered, "but don't you think that your victory would be worth even more if you fought against all of us at once, instead of ganging up on two people like a coward?" Bob's eyes widened in realization. "Of course, we'll understand if you're too afraid..."

"A-afraid? Of course not!" Bob was now just as angry as Blah as he desperately worked to maintain his tough image. "We're prepared to take on a dozen fighters at once without breaking a sweat." Some of his team exchanged nervous glances in the wake of their leader's determination, but they weren't about to let him down.

Blah was impressed. Eggman knew how to get straight to his enemies' heads. "That's more like it..." he remarked. "But before we start... you wouldn't happen to have any long blunt objects laying around, would you?"

Eggman thought for a moment, running through the blueprints of his Egg-Desperado in his mind. "I think I know just the thing." He rushed inside, and emerged seconds later with a massive wrench. It was solid stainless steel, about 3 feet long. "I use this masterpiece for those pesky hard-to-reach bolts. I'm sure it'll do a number on pesky hot-headed youngsters as well." He smiled a classically evil Robotnik smile.

Blah gladly took the wrench, noting that it was surprisingly dense, balanced, and symmetrical. Almost as if it was designed as a weapon. It certainly felt like a hammer in his hands, and countless battles' worth of combat experience returned to him in an instant simply from the feel of the weapon.

"This is perfect," Blah said, entering a fighting pose. "Everyone, ready!"

Hailstorm took to the air, whipping out his crossbow. Astra drew her scythe and pointed it at Bob's team. Beats brandished two vinyl records with a smooth motion. As Dr. Eggman hopped back into his jet, Blah noticed that his crew seemed to be one member short.

His suspicions were confirmed when the jet transformed, exposing the cowardly purple dragon. Still wanting to do with this, all he could manage was a frightened squeak as he repositioned himself behind the mech's leg.

"...Oh," Blah voiced. He had completely forgotten about Spike. "Somebody get Spike to safety, he's by no means a fighter."

Beats broke formation momentarily to carry out Blah's request. "Come on buddy, follow me," he beckoned. "You'll be safe far in this tree."

Something about Beats's rhyme comforted Spike just enough to coax him out of his current hiding spot, and he climbed hastily up the tree that the beet indicated, a good distance away from the makeshift battlefield.

"Heh, so you're outnumbered after all..." Bob contemplated pompously. "Not even a giant hunk of scrap metal like that can save you against the power of teamwork! Not like you know what that is. You're just a hateful villain who can't make any friends of his own, so he has to build some..." Bob was on a roll, proudly taking an early revenge against Eggman. "Whatever arbitrary reason you decided to side with these guys, you're just going to end up abandoning them when you don't need them anymore... leaving you to jealously play with your toys, alone in a corner, wondering where it all went wrong."

The residual heat coming off that burn was enough to make even Blah sweat. A moment of silence passed as the mech pilot let it sink in.

"Oh hoh hoh hoh..." he laughed darkly. "You must have an iron gut to think you could get away with saying something like that to ME, Dr. Ivo Robotnik!" He pressed a button and flipped a switch, unveiling an impressive reserve of missiles and gun barrels.

"Where did he find the time to reload those...?" muttered Hailstorm.

Blah tried his best to drown out the banter between Eggman and Bob, focusing on the battle ahead. Not only was he fighting an old foe seeking revenge, but that foe somehow got an equally vengeful Seraphina on his side... evolved, and likely several times more deadly than the prodigy of an Abra that Blah originally met. What could have happened for her to suddenly disregard their previous relations?

Before he could ponder this question any further, Eggman had already begun the charge. It seemed he would have to take a hands-on approach...

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><p><strong>Can I just say that this has been one of my favorite chapters to write so far? In case you forgot, yes, the protagonist is still me, and I do think Discord is awesome :L.<strong>

**Coincidentally****, this is also the longest chapter in the story so far. I didn't even notice! And now I'm only adding to its word count by extending this author's note. Does anyone even read those? Whatever, I write what I want! Insert smug goofy smily here.**


	43. Definitely Not Your Average Rematch

**To those of you reading in the present: I have decided to update at least once a week, usually every Friday. I am now officially on a schedule, woo! Let's see how long this streak lasts. (Chapter 42 counts because it was uploaded last Friday, and also 41 because of the Monday before that, so that makes three so far.) If you're reading in the future, feel free to jump ahead a few chapters and laugh at my declaration of surrender.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 43: Definitely Not Your Average Rematch<p>

Dr. Eggman eagerly kicked things off by firing several rockets directly at Bob, who calmly stood as his Togekiss, Tryder, intercepted the attack with slicing bursts of wind, an Air Slash, causing the missiles to explode in midair. Tryder then countered with Extremespeed, ramming into the body of the mech at full force.

Bob's Typhlosion, Zheil, wasted no time rushing at Beats, exploding in a torrent of boiling magma like a volcano, around which the vegetable deftly cartwheeled and flung his vinyl records, apparently having been sharpened for combat. Zheil dodged right back, surrounding himself with flame, and tried to close the distance with a Flame Charge.

Hailstorm aimed his crossbow at Saucha, Bob's Ampharos, with the speed of a sharpshooter, but Phaunt the Butterfree demonstrated greater speed, assaulting Hail with a yellow powder attack. The pegasus quickly kicked at the Bug-type, but not before accidentally inhaling some of the powder, inflicting himself with paralysis.

Franz, now a Floatzel, barreled his way towards Astra with his infamous Aqua Jet. Astra, knowing how difficult it would be to dodge, stood resolute and met the Floatzel's attack with her scythe. Franz had tried to combine a Crunch attack with the force of his Aqua Jet, resulting in him clamping down on the flat of the scythe.

Blah noticed Seraphina had not immediately launched an attack, and all of the other Pokemon were preoccupied. "Sera," he took the opportunity to attempt to communicate, "What happened to you while I was gone?"

_"I should ask the same of you." _Sera's voice entered Blah's head for the first time in an eternity, but it was not as comforting as he had once expected from his reunion. Her presence was more like that of a monster directly behind Blah, breathing down his neck.

Eggman's mech toppled over, and Tryder aimed for the cockpit with another Extremespeed, but the mech's arm swatted him away with a swift deflecting punch. A gun in the arm pointed at the Togekiss, but Saucha came out of nowhere and diverted it with a Thunderpunch, causing it to shoot the empty sky.

Beats jumped over the charging Typhlosion, knowing that fire was probably not something he wanted to get involved with, and retrieved his discs, continuing after Phaunt instead. The Butterfree swarmed around the impaired Hailstorm, simultaneously taunting him and charging her power with Quiver Dance. Beats saw the perfect opportunity to get a shot in on the distracted Phaunt and threw both of his discs in quick succession. However, as the discs neared, Phaunt somehow caught on with unprecedented reaction time and fluttered high enough to dodge both of them. She then shifted her attention to Beats, who was left flabbergasted.

Franz was quick to release Astra's scythe, and immediately he swung around in an attempt to hit with Aqua Tail. Astra blocked it with the length of her weapon, but the force drove her back a few feet, and Franz followed through with another Crunch aimed at her shoulder. She kicked, sending the Floatzel back as well and giving Astra enough time to make a slash with her scythe, but just before she could, a thick veil of smoke engulfed the two of them. Astra was momentarily confused, just long enough to take a Flame Charge from Zheil to the back.

Bob continued to stand in place, his arms crossed and his lips curled into a perpetual smirk, as his Pokemon worked independently and in perfect unison. The sunglasses shielded his eyes, making him impossible to read.

Blah desperately wanted to join the fight and help, but Seraphina's stare kept him pinned. He knew that the moment he made a move, she would be right on him, and if there was a chance of getting her to come to her senses, Blah much preferred that route. "What I've been through is not important for now," Blah argued. "Charge separated us on purpose into different times. You wound up a month in the past. You had plenty of time to try and catch up with us so... what kept you?"

Only cold silence followed in his head as the battle raged on around him. Sera continued to cast her sharp gaze from across the field. Blah gripped the wrench tightly. "Sera... what could have possibly made you this way...?"

"You." Blah felt himself lift into the air. Sera's eyes turned a savage purple. Before he could act, she flung him backwards with a Psychic attack, ramming him painfully into a tree. Blah slumped to the ground, suddenly missing his armor.

"I don't want to fight you..." Blah coughed, picking up his weapon. "But it looks like I have no choice..."

Sera stood in place as Blah rushed at her. He slung his wrench like a sledgehammer, knowing that her kind was especially vulnerable to physical attacks, but she blinked out of the way with ease. The momentum of the swing caught Blah off-balance. _'Perhaps I'm rustier than I thought,' _he considered with slight panic. He turned around to search for Sera. She had teleported several yards behind him and continued to stare him down. Either she was taunting him, or she was hesitant to fight as well...

Blah used this chance to size up the rest of the battle and see how his team was doing. Hailstorm struggled to lift his crossbow against Phaunt, who danced in and out of Beats's range and avoiding his every swing, firing back with an occasional Bug Buzz attack. Franz and Zheil were taking turns picking on Astra, and Eggman's mech took heavy damage from the tag team of Saucha and Tryder.

Deciding to leave the inactive Sera alone, Blah rushed towards Astra to give her a hand. He swung at the Floatzel while his back was turned, but Franz inexplicably caught on and leaped over it, backflipping over Blah's head and biting down on his defenseless shoulder with fangs of ice. Zheil, meanwhile, took a deep breath as he prepared to cover the prone Astra in flames.

Beats leaped away from Phaunt, giving up on trying to outspeed her. "Something's clearly up..." he muttered. "These cats can't just clear all these shots..." He glanced over at Bob, kiting Phaunt's chasing assault as best as he could. The trainer had not said a single word since the match began. "Doesn't the trainer give the orders...?"

As Blah parried a close-range Aqua Tail from Franz, straining to stay on two feet, he realized physical attacks would be of little help. He began to clear his mind, letting the Hajike channel through him. "Fist of the Milky Way..." Franz charged at him again. "Orbital Slingshot!" Thrusting the wrench hook forward, he managed to catch Franz's neck, stunning him for a moment. Blah shot forward, using the Floatzel as a pivot to sling around and head for Zheil, gaining velocity. His wrench grabbed Zheil in the same area, cutting his Flamethrower short. Blah released him after slinging around a second time, even faster than before, and shot into Saucha feet-first with the force of a comet.

This action freed up Eggman to focus solely on Tryder. His mech was wrecked and dented, but still very much operational as he demonstrated by throwing an uppercut at the Togekiss... which was nimbly avoided. Blah attempted to overwhelm Tryder by immediately leaping off of the Desperado and slamming his wrench downward. This also missed by a longshot, much to both of their surprise.

Beats carefully observed the events of the past few seconds, still running as that was his only option. Blah's Hajike attack was the only one that landed, and quite easily at that. He started to put the evidence together, adding what he knew about Hajike... Bob issued no commands, and yet his Pokemon all knew exactly what to do and could dodge just about any attack. As if he had a perfect telepathic link.

The answer hit him like a brick. Seraphina. Bob was communicating to his Pokemon at the speed of thought through the psychic! Sera was also capable of sharing her increased awareness and ability to read minds, alerting her team to imminent threats before they ever happened, but there was one element that was impossible to predict.

"Yo, Blah!" Beats shouted to his comrade as he barely kept ahead of Phaunt. "Focus on Sera! Use your Hajike!"

Blah heard the veggie man, and although his plan was sound, he didn't like the thought of unleashing a Fist attack against his former ally. However, he knew that if he hesitated for too long, they'd have that much more time to react. He had to move without thinking. As he turned towards Sera, however, the opposing team had already caught wind of the plan. All five non-psychic Pokemon targeted Blah at that moment. Sera stood ready to evade and intercept any attacks. Bob broke into a mild sweat, clenching his fists in concentration. They might not be able to predict what was coming, but they could prepare for it regardless.

The opposition closing on him, Franz leading the charge with Aqua Jet, Blah not only had to act fast, but he had to put all of his strength into this endeavor. Beats also closed in, in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure. Both he and Blah were of the same mind: Hajike. Fast. Strong. Now. A lime green resonant aura enveloped both Blah and Beats simultaneously.

"Fist of the Milky Way: Four-Dimensional Rave!"

A vinyl record sliced through the air near Blah, spinning faster and faster until it began to literally slice space itself. Another record followed, and then another. The rifts opened wider, absorbing light and reflecting back bright flashing colors, turning the battlefield into something of a scene from a night club. Blah dashed into a rift, warping instantly to another that happened to be near Franz. He slammed the Floatzel's head with his wrench and disappeared into another rift, emerging from another and clocking Tryder. He continued passing between rifts and jamming Bob's team with his weapon, all within the course of a split second.

Sera, for once, began to show signs of panic. Rifts were everywhere; no location was safe for teleportation. Before she could formulate a plan, six rifts appeared in midair surrounding her, and six slightly less than tangible images of Blah flew out of them. Each of their wrenches converged on a single point on Sera's head, delivering six times the force of an ordinary attack before the Blah clones each slipped into the rifts opposite the ones they exited.

Blah landed with a kneel near where he began. The rifts and lights faded. Sera fell to the ground, unconscious.

"N... no..." Bob stuttered, speaking for the first time that fight. "Impossible..."

Blah stood up, aiming to strike a sweet pose with Beats, but he stumbled dizzily and fell down again. If there were a such thing as a Hajike hangover, this would undoubtably be it. Beats seemed to be having trouble keeping his head as well. Their allies watched from afar, tending to their own injuries. No matter how many times Blah utilized his Hajike, it was always an impressive sight - especially when he can combine his power with one who is also familiar with Hajike.

Seeing the two heroes as dazed as his own Pokemon at that point elevated his spirits once again. "...No matter!" he shouted. "This battle isn't over yet! I don't need any fancy mind tricks to beat you! Looks like we did enough damage already!"

Bob's Pokemon were beginning to recover faster than Blah and Beats, though they had taken their share of hits from that technique as well.

The first one to fully stand ready was Astra. She had taken the least damage and/or exhaustion out of everyone, and she was ready to see this fight through to the end. A bit of time to spare, she ran for Hailstorm.

"How are you holding up?" she asked, helping him to his hooves.

"Oh yeah, I'm doing juuuust fine," Hail jeered sarcastically. "Aside from, you know, the partial paralysis."

"Hurry up, you fools!" cried Bob to his Pokemon. Franz was nearly ready to jump back into combat, and the rest looked as though they would join shortly.

"Here, eat this," Astra said, offering the pegasus a small, red berry. "It should help."

Hailstorm ignored his skepticism and consumed the berry. The feeling returned to his limbs, and he stood up with just as easily as when the fight began. "Wow, it worked..." he remarked with a bit of disbelief. "Where did you find that...?" He looked up at Astra again, only to find that she was already engaged with Bob's Floatzel. "...Right, I better get into the action too."

"Ok, Franz! Aqua Jet!" commanded Bob. "Aim for the head, that's where she's the least protected!"

Unfortunately for Bob, switching to verbal orders meant that his opponents had more time to react. Astra was ready before Franz shot into the air, from which he dove and aimed straight down on the target. Astra jumped to the side and dug her scythe blade into the Floatzel's hydrated ambience. The water pressure held back some of the impact, but caused him to falter all the same and crash into the ground.

Phaunt was next, her speed offset by the amount of punishment she had received due to her low defense. She was still conscious, and tensely awaited Bob's word. "Hailstorm's practically at full health now," he said, "so go keep him on his toes!" The Butterfree began to close the distance between them, forcing Hailstorm to take up his crossbow and aim. He did not want to risk another Stun Spore, so he aimed carefully, waiting for the moment before she was in range to attempt another one. A bolt loosed, which Phaunt was only barely able to dodge, managing to fly out with a clipped wing.

"Saucha, go help her!" Bob yelled, and the Ampharos charged her energy into electricity, preparing to strike while Hail was distracted with Phaunt. Both of them took to the air. "Power Gem, now!" A beam fired from the beacon-like orb on Saucha's head, only to miss the airborne pony.

Bob was quickly losing his composure. He had used Seraphina almost as a crutch. As a result of his panic, he had completely forgotten about Dr. Eggman, who had diverted some of his mech's power reserves to make up for the damage as best as he could and was preparing to knock out Zheil before he could recover. His trainer no longer able to multitask, Tryder had to improvise. He glowed with a faint white aura, which began to manifest in front of him in the form of a sphere. He launched it as soon as it had grown large enough, and Eggman mistook it for a solid projectile, slapping at it with his mech's right arm. A small explosion occurred upon connecting, blowing apart the hand.

As Franz sprawled out on the ground, Astra realized she had an opportunity to end him at that moment by delivering a fatal blow to the spine with her scythe. She raised her weapon high... but hesitated. There was no need to kill this creature, as he was only following orders. Bob didn't intend to kill any of her friends, after all, only knock them out to prove a point. It was pretty dangerous letting them fight real people with very real weapons, though, especially because of moments like these. What kind of a trainer was Bob to put his companions' lives at risk, merely for the matter of revenge?

She glanced at Bob, whose attention was still focused on Hailstorm. It was obvious that his original plan - one in which, ideally, his Pokemon would be unable to take hits - had failed, and that he was trying desperately to save face and win the battle anyway. Was it that far beyond his pride to back down from a fight and surrender when he knew that his Pokemon were no longer safe from serious harm? Perhaps he deserved such loss...

...but his Pokemon weren't to blame. They trusted their trainer, and shared some of his motivations, but they were beginning to hesitate as well. Astra did not doubt that at least some of them were hoping that Bob would call off the fight. Death was far too extreme to be just. Her team would simply have to win the fight without using lethal force. Bob had a lesson to learn.

A torrent of water devoured Astra. Franz had made it to his feet while she was deep in thought, and stood before her, panting and enraged, waiting either for Astra to move or Bob to give him a command.

Bob was entirely absorbed in the battle of the air, however. "Phaunt, use Bug Buzz!" he cried. His tactic was to pressure the pegasus, who certanily felt oppressed. The Butterfree rapidly flapped her wings to create a piercing buzz, which caused Hail to flinch and miss a shot from his crossbow. "Saucha, Thunder!" continued Bob. As Hail reloaded, his ears ringing painfully, he failed to hear Bob's command and see Saucha approaching from below. Phaunt made sure to keep his attention as the Ampharos charged up her electricity...

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman had not been misled by Tryder's attack. He aimed with his one intact arm straight at Zheil. A small, round object shot out of a gun barrel at the Typhlosion, who had no choice but to improvise as well. He breathed a Flamethrower, sending fire in its direction, but this was a terrible lapse in judgment for the Fire-type. A sizable explosion resulted, sending him through the air. Dr. Eggman set his sights on Tryder next, who was more than ready after seeing what his mate went through.

However, the Togekiss didn't account for the two sharp edges soon digging their way into his back. Beats had gotten over his temporary illness and had returned to the fray, having leapt to his level with two new discs. The beet bounded off of Tryder, retrieving his discs, and Eggman fired away. Another explosion sent him spiraling to the ground.

"We don't have to continue like this..." Astra bargained with Franz. "You know that we are all capable of terminating any one of you, should the opportunity arise... like just now. I couldn't bring myself to do so this time, but... you are pushing your luck."

Franz loosed up for a moment, thinking about what she was saying. "Your trainer also knows this. And yet he continues to fight, putting you and your entire team at risk. All because of his pride. You don't have to be like him."

Silence followed. The Floatzel's gaze was bolted to the ground. "You're better than he is. You can end it and save the lives of all of your allies. If this keeps going, I can't guarantee that you will all survive it."

Phaunt dodged bolt after bolt from Hailstorm as Saucha focused her electricity, hidden from what remained of Hail's perception. Only a few more seconds could pass before she would be ready to unleash it.

Blah tensely watched the scene from the ground. Whether the mechanics of Pokemon battles carried over into real life or not, he knew Hailstorm probably wouldn't be able to take such a powerful blast of electricity, nor had he a chance of dodging it due to Phaunt's distraction. Still a tad dizzy, Blah forced himself to his feet and picked up his wrench, breaking into a sprint.

A desperate shout bellowed from his throat as he closed in, but no sooner had he done so than he realized his mistake. He had seized the attention of the Ampharos.

Saucha turned around and released the stored bolt of lightning in his direction, attracted by the metal in the wrench and passing fluidly into Blah's body.

The resulting light show was enough to alert Hail to Saucha's position, and he immediately adjusted his plan, aiming at the Ampharos. Blah, however, keeled over, unable to move. He could feel none of his limbs, and darkness slowly obscured his vision.

* * *

><p>Blah's entire body was numb. Time seemed to slow down for him, leaving him alone in some orderless environment. The solitude didn't last for very long, however, as a foreign thought made its way into Blah's head. <em>"So, you have joined me on this plane..."<em>

_'What the... "This plane"? What's going on...?' _Blah questioned in response. He felt as though he was floating in some eternal void. His vision had blanked, but he could hear his own thoughts just fine, as well as those that he identified as Seraphina's.

_"You have entered a state of catatonic shock," _Sera answered, _"No pun intended. The human body can barely handle that much electricity at one time."_

_'Sera...' _Blah was interested more in his Pokemon friend than what had just happened to him. _'You seem to have... calmed down... maybe we can finally get some things straight...'_

_"I have no means to resist," _she stated. _"And you have every right to know what I have been through. Perhaps you will come to regret your actions in the little time you have left."_

A series of images flashed through Blah's mind, incinerating the blackness. An egg hatches inside a small cage. The unmistakable, cruel face of Charge looks down on the newborn. _"I had been a prisoner from rebirth. My memory had not yet returned to me. Days passed. I was... mistreated." _Charge passes her a small amount of food in a dish, hardly enough to be considered a meal. _"But it was all that I knew, and so I did nothing. However, your past self's entry into this world awakened me." _Charge bears an expression of mild surprise. The young Abra attempts to teleport, but the cage is sealed by a strange force.

_"He told me that I could never escape, and that you had forgotten about me. I refused to believe him, waiting weeks for your return. As time passed, his abuse grew worse." _Charge delivers a vioilent electric shock to a rebellious Seraphina. _"I had all but lost hope, when suddenly... I was saved." _Late at night, a figure slips through the darkness. The cage door lifts. The barely conscious Abra is lifted by the newcomer. _"That savior was not you, as I had hoped... it was Bob." _Bob sympathetically tends to Sera in a secluded forest. _"He confirmed the same thing as Charge - that you were long gone. That you abandoned me."_

_'Abandoned you...?!' _Blah could hardly believe what he was experiencing. _'That's not true at all. You're still very important to us. Charge simply designed it so that we wouldn't be able to reunite again... and his plan is working, as long as you're still...'_

_"That proves it. You only want me back because you need me." _Sera's voice was as cold as ever.

_'No...' _Blah denied, searching himself for some way to convince her otherwise. What she had shown him was some powerful imagery. Perhaps if Sera knew about his situation... it was worth a shot. _'Just... pay attention for a moment, ok? You don't even know MY whole story yet...'_

Blah concentrated on pushing his own memories back. He recalled his second childhood as Light Star, as far back as he could remember, gradually leading up to the discovery of his cutie mark and that fateful encounter with Astra that set him back on the proper track. He followed with his meeting with Discord, bringing her up to speed on his current situation. _'As you can see... I lived an entirely new life, starting 20 years before we ever met. My memory had been forcibly taken from me. There was no way I would've been able to search for you, and Charge made sure of that. But once I got back to normal, with the help of Astra and Discord... well, MOSTLY normal... not a moment passed that I didn't spend worrying about you and Broshi. I would never willingly abandon my friends.'_

Only nothingness responded. There was no way that Blah could know for sure that Sera was even still there... perhaps she was meditating on what Blah conveyed... or his attempt had failed, and she had gotten impatient and somehow left.

Blah had no distinct concept of time, either. For all he knew, he was waiting seconds... or hours... or even years. The full realization of what Sera had told him earlier came to fruition. The massive electric shock had put him into a coma. And yet, here he was, fully aware of himself and his thoughts. Still conscious, as far as he was concerned. But to everyone else, was he as good as dead? Had he been abducted yet again from all of his friends? How would they fare without him...?

Sera's voice returned, startling him. _"Your concern is... genuine." _Blah would have sighed with relief if he could feel his breath. _"The real enemy here is Charge. By driving a wedge between us, he can delay the game long enough to wedge his own way into it... And I would not put it behind him if he staged my rescue with Bob to manipulate my emotions. I am sorry I did not trust you."_

_'Don't worry about it... I'm just glad you're coming back to your senses... but as long as we're both out-cold like this, he might as well have won...'_

_"Perhaps, but perhaps not... you see, not everything that has transpired can be seen as negative. My training with Bob has led me to evolution, has it not? My mind is much stronger. It is why we can communicate right now."_

Blah didn't quite understand what she was talking about, or how it was any different than telepathy while awake... but she continued. _"It is I who is keeping you alive. Had I not been so strongly inclined to make you see the error of your ways, you would be dead."_

It was Blah's turn to be silent. _"You nearly overexerted yourself on that Hajike technique, leaving you open to attack from the killing machines that are Bob's Pokemon, post extensive vengeance-fueled training. And without the use of Hajike, you would not have overcome his strategy. Charge counted on the fact that you would not walk away from this encounter."_

_'So he didn't plan on us having this conversation right here... Hah...' _Blah could only laugh internally. _'Well, if you're keeping me alive... perhaps you can wake me up?'_

_"Unfortunately, it is not that simple." _Blah was afraid that she would say something like that. _"I can keep your mind alive, but I have no power over the body."_

_'Well... ok... no problem, then,' _he dismissed. _'I'll wake up from the coma on my own eventually, right?' _Sera's lack of an immediate response was unsettling. _'Right...?'_

_"I am afraid that my earlier statement was a lie," _she admitted after a while. _"Your body is now a corpse. I am sorry."_

_'WHAT?!' _Blah wasn't aware that he was still capable of shouting, but he didn't care. _'Then... how... how are we...'_

_"I extracted your consciousness before it could slip away. My mental capacity is more than sufficient to store two separate egos, so I am keeping you safe in there."_

_'So I have no body, and you're keeping me in your brain. Lovely.' _Blah degenerated into angered sarcasm. _'It's not like I could really call that body mine anymore anyway, after all that it's been through...' _Suddenly, inspiration struck. _'Wait a minute! What about my dream self? I could still be revived... and I have no doubt that it's as good as new, since I never used it or anything...'_

_"That may not be possible either."_

_'And why not?' _snapped Blah desperately. _'Don't tell me it's because you pulled me from my body...'_

_"That has nothing to do with it. When communicating with the mind of anyone with a dream self, I become aware of both selves, as they share a mind. Even if they have yet to awaken. When I connect with you, however..."_

_'Just the one, huh. So my dream self might have died long before I got here... or I never had one to begin with... or something. More questions we can't answer.' _Blah wished he could punch something. _'Well! How the heck am I supposed to do anything without a body of some sort?'_

_"Perhaps we can find or create a new one. The only caveat is that it cannot be currently occupied, or physically dead. In other words, you need an empty, yet still functional shell."_

_'Sounds like a tall order. Where can we even begin to find something like that...? I mean, we could have Eggman build us a robot I guess... if robots even count... but I'd prefer something organic...'_

_"That is a bridge we can cross later. I believe there is still a battle going on."_

_'Oh... that's right!' _Blah had nearly forgotten about the battle with Bob. Everyone would surely think that Blah was dead... _'So uh... what are you doing right now? I can't see anything.'_

_"My mind recovered relatively quickly from your attack, but I have been too physically weak to move regardless."_

_'Hah... sorry about that...' _apologized Blah nervously. _'Can you try to move now? The others have to know what happened to us.'_

_"I will try."_

There was silence. _"Oh, pardon me. I should grant you access to my senses."_

The void vanished in an instant, replaced with a somewhat blurred image of a field. Blah quickly realized he was seeing through Sera's eyes. She had propped herself up on her elbows and was watching the battlefield, waiting for her vision to return. As it did, the two of them saw... no fighting. Bob's Pokemon had all disappeared. Eggman, Astra, and Beats were huddled around Blah's former body. Hailstorm was violently confronting Bob to the side, shouting something exasperate and indiscernible.

_'Did the fight end just because of me...?' _inferred Blah.

_"That is doubtful. Something must have happened to end it this quickly, though." _Sera lifted herself up with her telekinesis and landed on her feet. It was vaguely disorienting for Blah, but no more so than watching a movie with 3D glasses on. Aside from the vision, and hearing as well, Blah still felt numb. He guessed that Sera was still in pain from the wrench, and didn't want to pass that experience onto him...

"Sera's up..." noted Astra with little enthusiasm as the Kadabra approached. Beats and Eggman looked up.

Hail and Bob were close enough to understand. "I told you, I only wanted to knock him out," Bob defended, backing away from the irate pegasus. He was sweating profusely, and with good reason, as it looked as though Hail would snap at any second and tear him apart.

"A likely story. You seemed perfectly ok with the idea of letting your own POKEMON die, let alone one of us!" Hail yelled back. "Now give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you and put your life force to good use reviving Blah!"

"Because Blah's alive." Sera answered for the broken trainer, getting Hail's attention.

"He is?!" Hail practically tackled her to the ground. "How do you know that?! Tell me!" His eyes were wide and bloodshot, and his teeth were clenched to the point where they looked welded together.

"Jeez, you're really taking my death hard, aren't you?" The words were Blah's. He was hardly aware that his words were audible, and that they sounded like his own voice.

"Wh... what...?" Hail stepped back as if he had seen a ghost. Everyone else looked astonished as well.

"Straight from the human's mouth," Sera continued. "Well... if he still had a mouth, that is."

This did not calm anyone down, and so Sera went on to explain what she and Blah had discussed in her mind a short time ago.

"I am projecting his voice into your minds as he speaks," she finished. "That is how you are able to hear him."

"I can never catch a break, huh," Blah added, trying to lighten the mood. "First I was a pony, then a woman, now I'm sharing a mind with Sera..."

"Interesting..." Astra walked over to Sera and examined her closely. "So your mind is strong enough to catch and contain an additional spirit..."

"H-how do we know she's telling the truth?" Hail argued. "She could still be on Bob's side... she could easily be faking Blah's voice to mess with us!"

"I assure you, me and Blah have had an understanding," Sera calmly refuted. "I was in the wrong. He could not have done anything for me, and I realize that now." Hail contemplated her speech in silence.

"What I'm more worried about," Blah tried to change the subject, "is how the fight ended."

Bob sighed heavily. "Your girlfriend convinced my Pokemon that they were fighting a very risky and irrational battle. And so they stopped. Saucha was also horrified that she had accidentally killed you. Or whatever." He shrugged innocently. "_I _didn't mean to kill you. That whole incident was not under our control anyway. You all saw how she instinctively let loose when Blah came at her."

"I hope you've learned something from all this," Astra scolded. "There's a reason Pokemon are only supposed to fight each other. You're lucky the death wasn't on your side... and apparently wasn't permanent..." The idea still bewildered her, but making the point was more important.

"Yeah, yeah," Bob impatiently derided.

Astra wasn't convinced that he got it, but Blah was willing to let it go. "Can we focus, please?" he pleaded. "We have other things to worry about, like getting you into the game..."

"Fine," Astra gave in. "As long as we don't get randomly attacked by Bob again..."

"We've done all we need to do here," Blah cut to the chase, "so let's go. First priority is getting Astra back home. Eggman, please tell me your Desperado doesn't need repairing again and we can start it up right now."

"I took a bit of damage, but nothing crippling," Dr. Eggman assessed. "I'm just as eager to get out of here as you are."

"Good. Beats, go get Spike. Everyone else, load up. Not you, Bob." He singled out the problematic trainer. "You can walk." He slumped away unhappily.

As Eggman climbed into and converted the mech, Beats made his way to the tree in which Spike had taken refuge. "Hey, little man," he called. "It's safe to come down."

There was no answer. Beats scratched his head. "Uh, buddy? Are you asleep in there?" He stepped forward to climb the tree, but his foot landed on something hard. He picked it up and found that it was one of his music discs. "Huh. One must've gotten away from me during the battle..." He put it away without a second thought, climbing the trunk. However, when he got to the top, nobody was there.

"Oh no. Spike?" He raised his voice, calling the dragon's name, but there was no response. "Spike...!" he called again, just to make sure. Still nothing. He nervously jumped out of the tree and searched around it. The only sign that anything had happened over here was a lone, fallen branch. He picked it up. The end, where it had broken off, was unnaturally smooth, as if it had been trimmed with an extra-precise chainsaw.

His first thought was that Spike had ran away, but there was no reason to do that... unless for some reason, the disc that Beats had apparently thrown out here spooked him, but surely he wouldn't wander so far that he couldn't hear anyone call his name...

"Spiiiiike!" he cried to the forest as loud as he could. He disturbed a lot of birds, but there was still no sign of Spike.

"What's wrong?" He heard Blah's voice from behind, and turned to see Seraphina. "Is Spike missing?"

"Yeah... I dunno what happened to him..." Beats rubbed his head. "The only clues I found were one of my discs and this clean-cut twig." He held up the branch.

"You were throwing discs quite wildly during that Hajike maneuver," Sera pointed out.

"The one that opened up rifts in... space..." Blah trailed off. "You don't think... You don't think he FELL IN one of them... do you...?"

Beats's eyes widened. "Where would that take him?!"

"Who knows... I'd assume it would have sent him out through another rift... but I sure didn't see Spike fall out of one during the battle." Blah thought for a moment. "Hey Sera... can't you sense the presence of life-forms in the vicinity or something? Can you say for sure whether or not Spike is around here?"

"I can, to an extent," she replied. "However... I do not sense any sentient beings around here, aside from myself, Beats, Hailstorm, Astra, Eggman, and Bob." She counted each person out individually, as if sorting through a deck of cards. "Spike is not among us."

An overwhelming sense of dread washed over all two and a half of them. Spike could literally be anywhere...

Beats clutched his head in anguish, pacing back and forth. "This ain't good... What do we tell Twilight..."

"Who says we have to tell her?" Blah suggested. "Twilight has enough to worry about, but if she knew that Spike was missing, she'd probably have a heart attack. It might be better to keep that a secret until we find him."

"Not cool, man!" responded Beats. "We don't know if the little guy's ok! If he doesn't turn up, what happens then? We can't just lie to Twilight about one of her closest pals!"

"Sorry... you're right..." Blah sighed, or at least produced a sound as if he did. "I just... don't want to cause any more damage than we already have."

"It cannot be helped," Sera consoled. "Lying would not solve any problems, only delay them. Who knows, perhaps Twilight might have an idea of what could have happened."

"What's taking you guys so long?" Hailstorm called from the sky. "Where's Spike?"

Beats and Sera exchanged troubled glances. "I'll explain when we get back to the plane," Beats told him.


	44. Sunny Side Up

Chapter 44: Sunny Side Up

The news that they had lost Spike hung heavily over the heads of everyone on board the Egg-Desperado. Even Eggman felt a bit of guilt over his disappearance. The heroes began to speculate over where he might have been sent, their attitudes varied.

"So you're telling me he could be ANYWHERE?" Hailstorm prompted angrily.

"And possibly anywhen as well," Astra added. "Depending on the nature of Beats and Blah's technique. The fourth dimension, as its title suggested that it utilized, is an entire other physical plane, like height, depth, and width. I have no doubt that it could possibly involve passing through time as well, or at least running parallel to it."

"Trying to predict Hajike through science and physics is like trying to bet on a single number in roulette..." Blah lamented. "Not even the guy throwing the little ball... does that even have a name?... has any idea what number it'll land on..."

"Even roulette is governed by the laws of physics," Astra asserted. "With a good grasp on the variables - the velocity and weight of the ball, the speed of the table, and so on - it's possible to predict where the ball will land fairly reliably if you're quick enough. I am positive that there is some formula to Hajike, it just won't be easy to figure out."

"Don't you remember what Discord said?" Hail shot back. "Hajike is weaponized chaos. Chaos is the definition of randomness. And the whole point of randomness is that it can't be predicted."

"But it can be controlled." Beats was stroking his chin in thought. "If a thing can be controlled, it's not totally random, is it?"

Astra nodded. "This is what I mean. Maybe I don't understand it because I can't control it myself, but in order for it to be workable, it has to have a hard set of rules. The user has to know what it's capable of, and how to use it to fit their situation. Hajike rarely seems to backfire, from what I've seen of your use of it, Blah. At least, not horribly..."

"So accidentally sending someone to a random point in time and space isn't your definition of 'horribly backfiring'?" Hail asked. "And are you really sure that Hajikelists control Hajike? Maybe it's the other way around, and chaos simply takes a liking to them because of how 'random' they are, so it follows their suggestions... until it gets bored. Kinda reminds you of someone, don't you think?"

There was silence. Not even Astra could come up with something to solidly debunk Hail's take on the matter.

"Well, it seems as though this conversation will get us nowhere," Sera suddenly spoke. "I am sorry to change the subject, but we can afford to put Spike on the backburner for a little while, especially if time travel could be involved in his absence."

"There's really only one other thing that's urgent," Blah continued. "And I think you should know what I'm talking about..."

Everyone subconsciously glanced at the female corpse of Blah. The true ridiculousness of the idea of sitting in a transformed giant robot piloted by a mad scientist with an opposite-sexed dead body that once belonged to their friend on one side and the same friend's spirit sharing a mind with a psychic Pokemon on the other was starting to dawn on them.

"Did we really have to bring... the body... along?" Hail approached the subject as delicately as he could manage. "Shouldn't we, like, bury it... or something...?"

"That won't be necessary," Blah stated. "Who knows, we might need it for... some reason. Better to have and not need than to need and not have. Maybe we can revive it somehow, or clone it or whatever." Blah wasn't quite sure himself, as none of those options seemed likely at this point, but he couldn't shake the feeling that simply leaving it would be a waste.

"I still think I could've easily revived you if you'd let me kill Bob..." Hail muttered.

"Bob is not our enemy," Sera argued. "Blah's death was an accident, and Bob is not actively trying to hinder us otherwise."

"Yeah, at this point, I might as well get a new body somehow," Blah decided. "And there's only one easy way of doing that. Eggman."

Dr. Eggman's voice rang out from the PA. "What?"

"You can build robots, right? So you can build me something to use for the time being."

"Building robots takes time and resources," Eggman expressed. "Especially if you want something... useful. Not just a cheap hunk of metal like most of my metal minions. Something that emulates a real human body as much as possible. That is what you want, am I right?"

"That'd be nice..." Blah affirmed. "How long do you think that might take?"

"Such an ambitious project would consume a lot of time, perhaps weeks just to draw up the blueprints and run the tests. Science is hard work, you know. Everything has to be perfect, or it could fall apart in an instant."

"Well, crap." Blah was disheartened. He didn't expect to have something as good as what Eggman described in a few days, of course, but it was still a disappointment. "Well, what's the most advanced robot you ever made? Surely you'd still have the blueprints for it at least."

Dr. Eggman thought back to his creations. "The most advanced robot I ever made... that would have to be Metal Sonic. I haven't seen him in a while, but I do still have his blueprints..."

"Metal Sonic?" Blah repeated. The image of himself as a robotic, murderous Sonic didn't exactly appeal to him. "...I know beggars can't be choosers, but would you happen to have a Metal Tails...?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Eggman answered. "It's just a prototype, though. To make a long, long story short, Metal Sonic turned out a bit different than I expected, so I stopped working on Metal Tails. I nearly scrapped it entirely, but I'm a bit of a hoarder when it comes to robots, heheh."

Blah was both surprised and not surprised that he had guessed correctly about Metal Tails. "That's great!" he exclaimed, excited. "How much more work would you need to finish it?"

"Well... I had planned on doing some research on Tails himself first, but most of that was going to be for his AI. I don't think you'd find much use out of that though." Eggman laughed. Blah wasn't sure if he was just laughing about the current situation or making a joke at Tails's expense. "...Other than that, just a bit of work on the flying mechanics. It shouldn't take more than a day or two."

Those were the figures that Blah wanted to hear. Hailstorm, on the other hand, wasn't quite convinced. "Are you sure you want to use one of Eggman's creations?" he asked. "What if he made it so that you ended up blindly following his every command?"

"Souls are not so easily misled," Sera countered. "Pre-programmed artificial intelligence in a robot with a soul is equivalent to instinct in an organic being. You may get the urge to fulfill programming, but only the weak-willed will follow it without question. Blah is most certainly not that type of soul. Even if Eggman tried to backstab us in that way, it would probably fail."

"'Probably'?" Hail rebounded skeptically.

"While I wouldn't put that behind him," Blah began, "he still kinda owes us a favor. We did save his bacon in Metropolis. And his lab. He's proven to be a very valuable asset to the team, and so I trust him."

"What he said," Eggman agreed. "I can't believe you would still suspect me after all that. I thought we were friends!" His tone carried a mild amount of spiteful sarcasm.

"Hey Sera," Beats addressed, ignoring Eggman. "You seem to know a lot about souls. Up until now, Beats didn't think it was so easy to move them around. Without music, that is. Awww yeah!" He pumped his fist enthusiastically at his own joke.

"They usually are not," Sera answered. "The energy of the soul is nigh impenetrable. Even my psychic abilities have difficulty influencing them, but as they are a source of consciousness, I can give them a nudge or two when they are out in the open. That is, when a person is near death and the soul is getting ready to escape on its own. But do not worry, Blah; as your soul is already within my mind, I can remove it whenever you need me to."

"What constitutes a soul, exactly?" asked Astra. "I always thought that everything about a person, such as their identity, personality, and memories, resides in the brain..."

"Hmm..." Sera had to pause as she worked out how to explain it. "I suppose you could equate the soul to a computer program, and the body to a computer. The program itself always runs in a certain way, to accomplish certain tasks... but such a program cannot run by itself. The brain is the processor, as well as the RAM and hard drive. A soul needs a brain to 'run'. The senses and the muscles can be thought of as input and output devices respectively."

"So wait, if organic bodies and machines have kinda the same systems," wondered Hail, "does that mean all machines have souls? Or can have, at least?"

"Souls have very high system requirements," Sera explained. "Not every machine can hold one, but if it has all the proper equipment and capacity, anything can achieve sentience."

"Ok, so let me get this straight," Blah cut in. "If a soul is a computer program, but the brain is its workspace, how do I still have all of my save data? Memories and knowledge and such?"

"I downloaded a backup," Sera simplified.

"And you can run two souls at the same time?" Blah followed up.

"Most brains would have difficulty keeping the two souls separate. Their consciousnesses would collide, they would both have complete access to all parts of the brain, and they may even have trouble telling their thoughts and actions apart from those of their partner. However, as a psychic Pokemon, my brain is highly advanced. I can keep each process running separately and smoothly, and even control which peripherals each has access to."

"Well!" Blah remarked. "I'm really glad we have you around, then! Thanks for looking after me, even if you originally did it to expose me to some kind of guilt trip hell."

Eggman's voice resounded again. "We've arrived at Astra's residence. Prepare for landing!"

Everyone got comfortable and buckled their seatbelts, but Astra was suddenly stricken with a mix of confusion and terror as she was reminded of who was taking her home. "Wait. How exactly do you know where I live?!" She hadn't thought about it before because of the circumstances, but now that they had arrived, she couldn't help it.

"Cat's out of the bag," chuckled Hailstorm.

"What?!" Astra's face had the strongest expression anyone had ever seen from her, but this was understandable - after all, she had just realized that the man she had been trying to elude for years had apparently known where she was hiding for quite some time.

"Oh. About that, heheh..." Eggman laughed nervously. "Your psychic friend is guiding the plane herself using her... psychic... stuff. And I'm just sitting back in the pilot's seat, not even paying attention to where we're going... so don't worry! I still don't know how to get here!"

"That is an obvious lie," Sera said calmly. "It has already been established that you are an abysmal liar. You might as well confess."

"Why don't you tell her, then? We've talked about this before..." It was clear that Eggman was avoiding direct contact with the subject as best as he could.

"I'd rather hear it from you, Eggman," Astra demanded, standing up in the plane rebelliously. "How long have you known?"

"Sit down, please!" Eggman protested. "We're still landing... if we touch down while you're still standing..."

"Answer me." She crossed her arms, with no intention of moving.

"He can see her...?" Hail whispered to Beats, who shrugged.

_'This is a really strange way to threaten Eggman...' _Blah thought, knowing Sera could hear. _'She's not even putting herself that much in danger...'_

"Ok, fine! There's been a tracking chip in your suit ever since you got it, I could follow you anywhere you went! Now sit!"

"So why haven't you, then?" Astra remained standing, asking the question that was on everyone else's mind at that point.

Eggman remained silent as he brought the plane down. It landed on the ground, and Astra stumbled a bit, but was otherwise fine. As the plane came to a stop, nobody said a word.

A few seconds after the engines were cut, Eggman spoke. "You think such a hollow threat is going to work on me?" His voice was dark, much more serious than his usual shrewd style. "Get out of the vehicle. I've seen enough of you."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me." Astra did not falter. By this point, she could tell that even her hollow threats had some weight to them from Eggman's point of view, and she had to find out why. "It doesn't make sense. You've had many opportunities to chase me down and recover the parts I've stolen. So, why wouldn't you?"

The air was dead silent for what seemed like minutes. Finally, the door to the cockpit opened. Eggman was standing there, his face riddled with melancholy.

"Because I want to see her too."

There was a pause as the scene began to sink in for everyone present.

"It all started 17 years ago..." the doctor began, everyone listening on the edges of their seats. "It was a simpler time, before I even had the idea of taking over the world, believe it or not. My dream was to become the greatest scientist the world had ever known. I wanted to change the world. I had been studying all kinds of science, from robotics to chemistry to astronomy. I had taken an interest in the latter that week. While stargazing one particular night, I spotted what looked like a comet heading straight for Earth at an alarming speed. I panicked, unable to do much but watch as the object fell ever closer...

"But as it neared, I realized that it was not a comet at all. It was a spaceship! Oh, how excited I was at the thought of being the first to communicate with an alien species! I hustled over to the landing site with notebook and camera in tow, and my heart quickened as the doors opened to reveal a silhouette against the bright light from inside. I cleared my throat and gave the best impression I could as the figure stepped down from the craft. 'My name is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, and on behalf of the whole of planet Earth, I...'

"I stopped, frozen at the sight of the visitor illuminated by the light of the spacecraft. There, standing before me, was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her smooth, ice-blonde hair shimmered with the light of the galaxy, and her grand, aquamarine dress flowed in the night breeze. She was no alien, but she was clearly out of this world. As I kneeled in front of her, gaping at her majesty, she looked down at me and giggled. 'Go on,' she said playfully, in a voice that could melt the stars. 'On behalf of the whole of planet Earth, you...?'

"I regained my concentration as best as I could and continued with a slight stutter. 'I-I w-welcome you to our humble p-p-planet.' She giggled again. She was certainly toying with me, but not in a condescending way. She was merely having fun, as though she had had this conversation before.

"'Rise, Sir Noble Robotnik,' she suggested, and I lifted myself in tandem with her gesturing arm. 'Your charming welcome is much appreciated. Now... take me to your leader!'

"Startled, I took her seriously and began to give her directions to the White House, but she shook her head. 'I was only kidding,' she informed me with a laugh. 'I knew that,' I said back as I nervously joined in.

"I calmed down as she introduced herself and told me her story. Her name was Rosalina. Long ago, as a little girl, she had a strange alien encounter herself, with whom she left Earth on a mystical journey through the stars. Long story short, she became a sort of mother figure to them, and decided to stay with them forever. But, every 100 years, she would return to visit her home planet once again.

"It was a strange story, and I had so many questions, but she wanted to know about me first. I couldn't believe that she, a woman who had traveled through the depths of space, had taken such an interest in me! So I happily told her a little about myself as well. We opened up to each other in the span of a few hours. That night was the start of a wonderful relationship. We danced together in the moonlight, had picnics on the hill by daylight, and discussed our mutual love of the universe in between. We even went for a ride in her spaceship, and she introduced me to her alien friends, the Lumas. Those were... the greatest days of my life.

"Time passed, and before we knew it, I was holding a child in my arms. A gorgeous baby girl. She reminded me so much of her mother... I couldn't put it off any longer. I asked Rosalina to marry me, right then and there. Her eyes lit up as they gazed upon the ring I had picked out... I asked her to stay with me, here on Earth, and we could live out the rest of our days raising a family and enlightening the world with our vast collective knowledge of the cosmos.

"But... she turned away. She said that she already stayed here on Earth longer than she had planned, and that she already had the Lumas to take care of. She asked me to come with her on her travels, where she would show me the secrets of the universe. I thought about it for a long time. My dream was to use my scientific talents to change the world, and abandoning it for a life of space travel would be abandoning my dream... even if it was with the woman I loved. I was torn. In the moment, I made what I then considered the most logical decision - up until then, I had spent most of my life studying science and working to apply it for the good of humanity. I had only spent a year with Rosalina. So I went with the 'longer-term investment' and declined. It is a decision I regret to this day...

"However, she understood. She told me that our destinies were not meant to cross. Her place was among the stars, and mine was at the helm of science. Whether or not she truly meant that is still a mystery... but either way, I could tell that it pained her as much as it did me.

"Before she left on her 100-year journey, she entrusted our daughter to my care. I wasn't completely sure why she had given her to me... but she made me promise that I would raise her with the love and patience that she deserved. I accepted the task earnestly. We said our goodbyes, knowing that we would never see each other again, and she boarded her spaceship to return to the family that needed her.

"I returned to my studies, though I would soon come to realize that raising a daughter alone is no easy task, even without being preoccupied with so many ambitious scientific studies, as well as the memories and regret of my lost love. It was getting harder and harder to focus on my work, and money was tight and scarce. 'Can I really raise her in these conditions?' I asked myself. 'Can I fulfill my promise?' I had no choice but... to send young Astra into foster care.

"As I focused on furthering my research and skills, I could only watch you grow from a distance. I would occasionally receive odd jobs to develop this or that, and I would use the money to pay for your education anonymously. But I could never show my face to you after abandoning you like that. I had broken my promise to your mother... to you... all because of a stupid dream I had. A dream that never even came to fruition. My discoveries and my advancements were all overshadowed by other, bigger names in the scientific community. In a fit of desperation I came to the conclusion that perhaps if I were to conquer the world by force with my self-proclaimed superior intellect, I would find the courage to finally meet you again, so that we could rule the world together, and that you wouldn't see me as an utter failure of a father..."

After his long-winded speech, Dr. Robotnik finally broke down into tears. What stood near the pilot's seat was no longer a cold, insane villain, but a heartbroken man who only wanted what was best for his daughter in the end... They had hardly realized it, but everyone else in the plane was also starting to tear up.

Astra, on the other hand, had the blankest of expressions. Her eyes were closed. Blah couldn't tell if she was holding back tears, or deciding whether or not to believe Eggman's story.

And then Blah saw it. A tear escaped from beneath her eyelid.

It was as though a brick wall had shattered. The answers to the questions she had been asking, ever since she had the capacity to wonder, had been given. It didn't matter what the man in front of her had done over the past dozen or so years. He was her father, and as long as he still cared about her, that was all she needed to know. "Dad..." she uttered, and then paused, as if double-checking if it was ok to say that word. "Dad...!"

She was absolutely sure the second time, and she lunged at him, her arms barely circumnavigating his egg-shaped frame. Astonished, but grateful, he embraced her back, and the two shared a silent moment of acceptance.

"I don't think you're a failure, Dad..." she cried. "You did your best... and in the end, I was always the first thing on your mind. If that isn't the sign of a good father, I don't know what is..."

"Astra..." the bewildered Eggman sniffled, "You... you don't care that I became evil...?"

"Well, I didn't say that." Astra managed a chuckle. "You may have done some things that you can't take back, but as long as you realize your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness, you're no worse of a person."

"I... I can change!" Eggman declared. "I have no reason to be a villain anymore, now that I have you back... so..." He looked his daughter in the eyes. "Can you forgive me?"

She laughed, hugging him again. "I believe I can."

Hailstorm, Beats, Seraphina, and Blahsadfeguie could hardly believe their eyes and ears. In a matter of minutes, they had witnessed a monumental change in an infamously evil scientist.

But something still bugged Blah. Something from way back when he first saw Astra.

"Sorry to interrupt," he started, "but is Astra an only child, then?"

The two Robotniks stared at Sera, for lack of a face belonging to the speaker. "I would... assume so?" replied Eggman finally.

"So is it a coincidence that she and I look... or looked, I should say, so much alike?"

Their eyes drifted to the peaceful face of the deceased Blah. The fact that it was now feminine only strengthened the connection that Blah was pointing out. The similarities to Astra were remarkable, now that they thought about it.

"Strange..." Eggman scratched his head. "I only have one child. Of that, I'm positive."

"How old did you say you were, again?" Astra asked. "When you first came to this world, at least..."

"21 years," Blah responded.

"I'm 16." Astra bowed her head, trying to fit together a timeline. "If you're 5 years older than me, and a year before my birth was the first time my dad met my mom..."

"Your mom was my first love, I swear!" Eggman promised.

"But you remember your own parents, right Blah?" Hail queried. "You should already know if Eggman is your father..."

"Of course I..." He stopped. When Hail said 'parents', the first two people that came to mind were Swift and Silver Star, but that was from his life as Light Star. And although they had had him convinced of it, he knew now that they weren't his biological parents. He tried to think back to his life before entering this universe, but all he got was white noise. It was incredibly frustrating. "I... don't remember..." The thought hadn't even occurred to him until now. What was his life like before entering this world? And furthermore, how long had it been since he forgot? Were they among the memories Charge stole...?

"Well, since we ain't solving that anytime soon," Beats interrupted, "Can we get back on track before we see the moon?"

"Right." Astra made for the door. "I guess I should get going now..." She was reluctant to leave her father so soon after discovering who he really was, but they had a reality-bending game to play.

"Good luck, Astra," Dr. Eggman saw her off. "If you need me, I'll always be a phone call away."

Astra nodded and waved as she exited the vehicle. "Bye, Dad. Everyone."

* * *

><p>The trip to Veggie Vegas was mostly silent. The group had run out of things to talk about for the time being, so Blah asked Eggman for a computer or something they could use to check up on Discord and the Elements of Harmony. He supplied a black and red netbook bearing his logo, and Sera logged onto Pesterchum. Immediately, she noticed that Twilight had made an account bearing her own name and attempted to contact it.<p>

- myriadOracle [MO] began pestering twilightSparkle [TS] -

MO: Hello, Twilight. This is Seraphina. Blah and the others found me a while ago. It is a long story.  
>MO: I see you went through the trouble of creating an account.<br>MO: Twilight? Are you there?  
>TS: Yes! Sorry, I'm here.<br>TS: That's great news! You'll have to tell me what happened in a bit.  
>TS: Discord's proving to be a real handful...<br>MO: I can imagine. Is he causing too much trouble?  
>TS: Depends on what you mean by "too much."<br>TS: He hasn't tried to escape or anything, just biding his time and doing what he does.  
>TS: Some of us are better at alleviating his boredom than others, as you can probably guess.<br>MO: Hang in there. We have just dropped off Astra, so we will be a while longer.  
>TS: We'll try to manage. I think Pinkie Pie can keep him entertained, at least.<br>TS: How's Spike doing?

Sera hesitated. This was the moment that she, and everyone else, dreaded. But it was something that had to be said. Blah braced himself, merely glad that he wasn't doing the typing.

MO: I think now is an appropriate time to tell you the story.  
>TS: Huh? Why?<br>MO: On the way to Astra's residence, Blah and his friends encountered Bob again.  
>TS: Wasn't he the one that got banished to the moon?<br>MO: Correct. He returned, and sought revenge on Blah.  
>MO: I was with him. I had returned to a month before the present as an egg, and hatched in Charge's possession.<br>MO: Long story short, I was tricked into thinking that Blah abandoned me, and I became part of Bob's team.  
>MO: He challenged Blah and the others to a rematch. They lead Spike to safety, quite a distance from the battlefield.<br>TS: I'm not sure I like where this is going...  
>MO: During the battle, Blah was killed.<br>TS: WHAT?!  
>MO: I managed to rescue his soul and store it in my own brain. We had a long internal conversation where he convinced me that he did not abandon me on purpose.<br>TS: So... he's not dead?  
>MO: His body is dead, but his soul is alive, sharing space with mine in my mind.<br>TS: Good. You nearly made everypony panic...  
>TS: But what about Spike?<br>MO: When we looked for him after the battle, we could not find him.  
>TS: Oh no... did he run off somewhere?<br>MO: Probably not. We suspect that one of Blah's Hajike techniques sent him into the fourth dimension.

By then, Hail and Beats huddled next to Sera and were anxiously watching the conversation unfold. Twilight's lack of a response was unsettling.

"You could've worded that better..." complained Blah.

"I am merely telling it like it is," Sera defended.

"That's it, next time we have to chat with someone, you'll let me do the talking..."

"Do you want to take the floor right now?" Sera offered nonchalantly. "I can give you control."

"Shush! She's replying," Hail pointed out. "And replying... and replying..." His voice shrank away as more and more text piled up on the screen.

TS: HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?  
>TS: I knew Hajike was a fickle practice, I should never have left Spike with you!<br>TS: I even briefly considered having him stay, but I let him go with you in the end.  
>TS: Because I trusted you!<br>TS: That was such a stupid decision on my part...  
>TS: I should've known this would happen...<br>TS: Now Spike's gone off to who knows where...  
>TS: And it's all my fault for thinking he'd be fine with you... a wielder of chaos...<p>

Sera stared blankly at the screen, unsure how to keep from doing more damage.

"Just... let me have it," said Blah.

"Fine with me," Sera surrendered.

No sooner had she said that than the numbness vanished. Sera went limp for a split second, but snapped back to upright attention as Blah's instinct kicked in. He was now in control of Sera's body.

Blah immediately felt the effects of a mild headache, but all he cared about was talking to Twilight. He flexed his newly-granted hands and sat them in their familiar position over the keyboard, ready to try his best to console the unicorn.

MO: twilight, this is blah, please calm down  
>TS: How can I be calm at a time like this?!<br>MO: it was a complete accident  
>MO: brought about by sheer random chance<br>TS: And if I've learned anything from the past few hours, it's that randomness can't be trusted!  
>MO: spike was so far away from the fight that we were sure he wouldn't be affected by it<br>MO: but a stray disc must have flown in his direction and opened a rift underneath him  
>MO: there was nothing we, or you, could have done.<br>MO: and who knows, he might actually be somewhere safe and sound  
>MO: what we should be doing instead of pining over his disappearance is focusing on where (or dare I say when) he could be<br>TS: ...I guess you're right.  
>TS: We should try to stay optimistic about the situation.<br>TS: He could have just traveled forwards in time a few days, right onto my future self's back for all I know.  
>TS: ...am I correct in assuming that he could have moved anywhere in time and space?<br>MO: probably  
>MO: and considering the attack was made with the intention of moving through the rifts to useful locations<br>MO: (I used it to teleport across the battlefield and lay the smackdown on all of bob's pokemon at once, btw)  
>MO: I wouldn't doubt that he landed exactly where we would have wanted him<br>MO: you just have to believe in my abilities  
>MO: (and I don't mean to brag or anything but it was pretty sweet you should have seen it :L)<br>TS: That is true. Hajike is not always COMPLETE randomness, especially to those who've proven they can control it.  
>TS: Okay. I'll just have to trust you and hope that he'll turn up eventually.<br>MO: good, glad we can come to an agreement on that  
>MO: I think we're close to beats's place now, so I'll talk to you later<br>TS: Before you go, I want to ask you something.  
>MO: shoot<br>TS: Where did you learn to type? I'm barely familiar with a keyboard and my capitalization and punctuation is much better than yours.  
>TS: The least you can do when consoling a friend is to try to be serious about it.<br>TS: Just saying.  
>MO: what, this is how I always type<br>MO: I just never really bothered with proper english conventions I guess  
>MO: I mean the shift key and the commaperiod is all the way over there and it's faster to just type in runons sometimes, you know?  
>MO: man, I had no idea you were such a grammar nazi, twilight :P<br>TS: A grammar what? What's a "nazi"?  
>MO: uh...<br>MO: nothing! just a silly word I made up, it means nothing at all, hahaha.  
>MO: please don't use it.<br>TS: Whatever you say...  
>TS: Oh, by the way, Pinkie says hi.<br>TS: Or, to be more accurate, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiii :D".  
>TS: She specifically told me to add the smily face. And all the I's.<br>MO: oh, hi pinkie!  
>MO: tell her I said hi back, and that I won't be much longer!<br>TS: Will do!  
>MO: anyway, peace out<br>TS: Bye!

- myriadOracle [MO] ceased pestering twilightSparkle [TS] -

Blah sat back in his seat, letting out a massive sigh of relief. He had convinced Twilight, and himself in the process, that Spike was probably ok.

"All right..." breathed Blah. "You can have your body back now, Sera."

"Actually, Blah," Sera replied, "It has been a while since I had a chance to meditate. Bob's constant training has been quite taxing on me mentally. If you do not mind, I think I will rest for a while. I trust that you will keep us out of trouble."

"But what if we need you?" he asked. "This body isn't physically strong, no offense, and I don't know how to do the mindy thing, so if there's another combat situation..."

"I will awaken and take control," she explained. "Abra are well known for their heightened awareness and sense of danger. Kadabra, doubly so. We will be fine."

"If you say so..." Blah sat forward, looking down at himself. He'd ideally only have it for a few days, but he figured it couldn't hurt to get familiar with his current body.

"We've arrived at Veggie Vegas," Eggman announced. "Coming in for a landing. You know, if you ask me, Beats could have stayed here and saved us the whole trip back..."

"What can I say?" Beats said with a shrug, "I had to make sure Astra would be okay."

The plane descended. Blah smiled softly; everything that he had worried about was beginning to work itself out. The only exception was the memory of his own past, but he wasn't about to put his own needs ahead of those of 8 whole universes. As long as nothing interrupted them again, Blah figured that everything should run smoothly from here on out.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't give me that look, I can't be the only one on the internet who ships it :L<strong>

**...right?**


	45. The Doctor is In

Chapter 45: The Doctor is In

- spacefaringPioneer [SP] began pestering accomodatedDragon [AD] -

SP: Sorry for the long abscence, but me and the others were distracted with... let's just say shenanigans...  
>SP: Are you doing all right?...<br>AD: Astra! Glad to see you again!  
>AD: Or... hear you. Read you?<br>SP: I'll take that as a yes...  
>AD: Oh, sorry.<br>AD: I've just been babysitting Reed, and grinding away at imps when they get too close.  
>AD: Now that we're in the medium, we don't seem to have a set time limit. The difficulty curve is probably based off of how fast you can get your house built!<br>AD: I've built up a lot of grist, though, and have been slowly climbing the Echeladder. I'm all the way up to "Chair Today", whatever that means.  
>SP: What's an Echeladder?...<br>AD: Oh, it seems to be a sort of leveling system. Moving up increases various statistics, like gel viscosity and grist cache.  
>SP: ...<br>AD: It'll take a while to explain everything, but that's why we have sprites. Would you care to build my house up a bit? I have build grist to spare.  
>AD: ...or, I WILL have, when you recycle all those chairs I've been making :P<br>SP: I'll get right on that...  
>AD: Just... don't recycle them all, ok? please?<p>

* * *

><p>Years in the future, but not many...<p>

A lone figure walked through a vast wasteland, unable to gain a sense of direction beyond the position of the sun. He did not belong here. Days of wandering, and there wasn't a single sign of intelligent life or landmark in sight. He had only found signs of civilizations shattered to pieces in years past. His situation was dire, and yet he was determined to find some way of returning to the place from which he came, and the friends from which he had been torn away.

There was one thing he was thankful for, however... and that was the pair of triangular sunglasses that rested upon his nose, protecting his sensitive eyes from the blistering sun.

He was forced to live off of the land. His source of water hung from his neck, contained in one of the few intact bottles that he had found among the wreckage of a town. His diet consisted of small animals dwelling in the sand. The animal encounters were scarce, but the whole desert seemed to barely have enough to sustain him and him alone.

Water was another story. Whatever bodies of water existed in this region in the past were all dried up now, and so he had had to dig for the one source that he could find. His bottle was half-empty, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could make it last.

Optimism was the key to finding the will to survive in the wasteland, he told himself. His bottle was half-full. He was alone, that much was true, but at least his supplies would carry him further that way.

So, naturally, he wouldn't stay alone for long.

His back suddenly became heavy, causing him to stop in his tracks. That occurrence wouldn't have been enough to startle him if it weren't for the scream that came with it, its point of origin directly behind him.

"-AAAAH!"

"WAH!"

He collapsed under the unknown weight. His head pressed into the sand, and he was unable to turn and look at whatever it was that caught him off-guard, which only served to upset him further.

"What the..." A young voice belonging to the weight on top of him uttered. "Where am I..."

"On top of a disgruntled Yoshi," he answered sarcastically.

"What?" He felt the weight remove itself from him. "Oh... er... my bad! I think..."

He picked himself up, spat out a mouthful of sand, and turned around to face the newcomer. It was a small, purple-scaled reptilian creature of a species he did not recognize. He had no idea how this youngster was able to sneak up on him so quietly. Up until the last minute, that is.

"Watch it, pal," he growled at the purple one. "I don't know who you are, but I'm really not in the mood for any cheap tricks."

"...Yoshi? You're a Yoshi?" the reptile replied, cocking his head in ignorance of the Yoshi's tone. He sighed, nearly forgetting that nobody could understand him. "Well, hi Yoshi! I'm Spike." He extended his hand politely.

The Yoshi begrudgingly took it and shook it. "Broshi," he answered. "Not like you're going to hear that..." he added under his breath.

Spike cocked his head again. "Hmm... It's too bad I can't understand you. I guess I'll just have to call you Yoshi for now." He looked around, taking in the many sights of the wasteland for the first time. "So where the heck are we?"

"Beats me," Broshi shrugged. "You're the first person I've talked to in days."

"Yeah, I dunno either," the dragon shrugged back. "The last I remember, I was sitting in a tree and watching a Pokemon battle... and suddenly, a record flew by, opening some kind of portal underneath me, and I fell in. Then I landed right on top of you... Sorry about that, by the way."

Broshi raised an eyebrow. Those were some oddly specific circumstances, and there was only one person he knew that could possibly open portals in space. "Were you with a man named Blahsadfeguie when it happened?" he asked, even know he knew his words wouldn't reach Spike. He figured it was worth a shot at least.

"That does sound kinda weird, doesn't it?" Spike answered, apparently interpreting Broshi's question differently. "Well, it's a LONG story."

"We got time." Broshi turned around and patted the saddle on his back. "Hop on, maybe you can tell me all about it."

"Oh, you don't mind carrying me?" Spike asked, and he eagerly hopped onto Broshi's back without waiting for a reply. "Cool! Let's go! To... somewhere!"

Broshi continued on his travels, curious as to how the little dragon was able to remain so light-spirited. Perhaps the severity of the situation hadn't gotten to him yet...

The two acquaintances traveled onwards. Before long, out of boredom, Spike began to tell Broshi all about the adventures he had been on with Blah and the others, confirming his suspicions. He was also brought up to speed on how Charge had betrayed them, not to his surprise, and scattered the heroes across the timeline.

"Hey, wait a minute..." The cogs were turning in Spike's head. "One of the missing 'players' that Blah mentioned was named Broshi, I think... are you Broshi?"

Broshi looked back at his rider and nodded enthusiastically. "Yep, that's me all right!"

"And we found Sera right before the battle started, which means that she was the one that got sent to the past... and you were sent to the future." His own words stunned him. "The future! That's where we are..."

Broshi stopped. It made too much sense. A vast wasteland, traces of a dead civilization... This was Earth, during the aftermath of the meteors brought about by the game that he was supposed to play.

"Oh no, we're in the future... and that means everyone's..." Spike trailed off as he finally realized what had happened. Broshi looked back and noticed that tears were starting to form in his eyes.

"Hey, man, don't worry so much..." Broshi tried to calm him down. "We've traveled through time before... there's a chance we can make it back to the past!"

Spike sniffled. "You really think so...?"

"Of course. In fact, Blah might already be..." Broshi paused. "Wait. Did you understand what I said just now?"

Spike blinked. "Y-yeah, I guess I did... what does that mean...?"

Broshi recalled the one time that he was able to communicate with someone who wasn't a Yoshi. "The TARDIS..."

"The what?"

"The time machine that we found in the underworld..." Broshi broke into a run, forcing Spike to hold on tight. "It had this... psychic field, or something, that automatically translated languages for people near it. And if you can suddenly understand me, then that can only mean one thing."

"The time machine is nearby!" concluded Spike. "Wow, that was easier than I thought! Now we just have to find it!"

"Heh, funny... that's exactly what I said. And then I had to wait for hours in this hot desert for you to show up."

The new voice startled both of them. It was feminine, and quite assertive and forceful at that. Spike and Broshi looked up to see a tall, womanly figure, her skin as black as night. She wore faded, gray, hooded robes that reached down to just below her knees. They looked more like a large sheet of cloth wrapped into the shape of a robe than actual clothing.

"Oh well. I won't be here for much longer, at least." She twirled around a curved blade that matched her skin color, a bit of dried blood on it. "Not once I kill you. Hah!"

"Who are you?!" Broshi demanded.

"A Determinate Assassin sent here to stop you from returning to your own time," the dark woman responded. "That's all you need to know, hon. If you REALLY want to give me a name, just use DA." She cackled. "And it looks like you've brought a friend... I expected you to come alone, but I don't think the boss will mind a body count of three for this mission."

"Th-three?" Spike stuttered, almost too afraid to speak. "Who's... the third...?"

"That'd be the joker who came here in the time machine," DA casually pointed to a blue box laying on its side in a nearby dune. "I killed him pretty quick. He didn't put up much of a fight."

"Damn, there goes our rescue party... but the TARDIS is still there at least..." Broshi's fists clenched. "You better let us pass, or I'll swallow you whole."

"Uh, did you even see this?" She held up the sword. "If your tongue gets anywhere near me, you better be prepared to kiss half of it goodbye."

"Didn't expect it to be that easy..." muttered Broshi. "Spike, you better hide somewhere. This isn't going to be pretty."

"R-right." Spike hopped off of the Yoshi's back and ran to the other side of a hill.

"Well, you got SOMETHING right at least," taunted DA. "It's too bad hiding won't save the little snot's life in the end."

Broshi tried his best to ignore the assassin's smug remarks as he took a moment to assess the upcoming battle. He was unarmed and unprotected, fighting against a trained killer with a sword. There was nothing around big enough for him to swallow and convert into ammo, and using his tongue near her was out of the question. However, if he were to somehow gain possession of her blade, he might have a chance.

"So, what'll it be?" DA continued to fill the silence. "You gonna try to defend yourself, or stand there and stare at me through your lame glasses until I stab you in the throat?"

DA's comment on Broshi's glasses was enough to derail his train of thought. "My shades aren't lame!" he argued as he rushed at her.

"What's wrong, did I get to you? Ha!" DA sneered as she closed the distance eagerly.

The two neared each other like two cars on the highway in opposite lanes. A few feet before entering DA's range, Broshi jumped, predicting a slice of the dark one's sword. High in the air, the Yoshi brought his full weight down in a ground pound counterattack. DA leaned back in time to dodge, and stabbed at his stomach, prompting the dinosaur to twist backwards a full 360 degrees and aim a sweeping kick. The exchange ended there as she could not move her legs fast enough to prevent them from leaving the ground.

As she landed, Broshi saw his opportunity. He made a grab for DA's sword, but her grip was too strong. This action left her with enough time to roll onto her feet and make an immediate swing at Broshi's arm, cutting it shallowly. Light pain traveled through his arm as he retreated backwards a short distance, inviting her to charge again.

She had no qualms with taking the battle to her enemy and did just that. Her sword drew back, and Broshi instinctively jumped as before, but only after he was in midair did he realize that DA's maneuver was a feint. He winced as she swung upwards, catching him across his underside and causing him to lose his focus. He flopped onto the ground.

"Aw, what's the matter, lizard?" DA mocked, catching her breath. "Did I poke you too hard? Poor thing. I should put you out of your misery."

She lifted her sword to bring it straight down onto the prone Yoshi, but he managed to roll out of the way before the strike. He worked his way to his feet despite the searing pain. "It'll take a lot more than that to bring me down," Broshi grumbled.

"Good thing I have all day." DA dashed at the dinosaur again, sword already out wide.

Spike sat just behind the peak of the hill, watching anxiously with his hands near his eyes as the battle unfolded. He knew that the scene would be hard for him to bear regardless of how it turned out, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. The young dragon didn't get to see many train wrecks where he came from. The midair slice had caused him to flinch on his new friend's behalf, but in the process, his eye caught something a bit darker than the sand.

Happy to find an excuse to keep himself occupied, he rushed over towards the brown spot. Getting closer, he was able to confirm that it was an object buried in the sand, and standing over it, he discovered that it was of a hard leathery material. He hastily dug around it, in the hopes that it would be useful in some way...

Broshi sidestepped a stab from DA, having learned his lesson from the previous hit, and dashed into melee range in the short time that DA registered her enemy's new position. Before she could pull the sword around, Broshi used his momentum to ram into her ribs headfirst. She stumbled, and the orange reptile landed a kick in the same spot to knock her over again. This time, instead of going for the sword, he jumped and performed a quick pound onto her midsection, causing her to wheeze.

After some work, Spike managed to wrench the object free from the ground. Just as he had suspected, it was a backpack! It was also very heavy, but he eventually pulled it level to him and started rummaging through it. Inside were various chunks of minerals, some potions, and most notably, several weapons. "Is this..." Spike mumbled, pulling out a golden broadsword. "Is this Blah's backpack...?!"

Unfortunately, Broshi didn't anticipate DA using her free hand to grab him tightly by the throat. "Why you little..." she coughed. "I'll run you through!" She pulled her sword back as she got to her feet, draining the strength from the Yoshi with her iron grip. His arms were too short to reach anything but her choking hand.

Thinking quickly, Broshi lashed his tongue out at her face, licking it, and retracting just as fast. This startled her into dropping him, and as she frantically wiped the saliva from her face, Broshi dove in for another headbutt, staggering her again.

A cry echoed from behind the sandy hill. "Broshi!" Spike emerged, running closer to the fray and holding up the sword he had found, dragging the backpack with his other hand. "I found something!"

The Yoshi diverted his attention to the dragon for an instant, his eyes widening at the sight of the weapon. He had no time to ask questions, though, because as soon as he looked back at DA, she was coming at him again with sword held high. He leaped backwards, simultaneously nearing Spike and dodging swings. _'Just a little further...' _he thought, keeping it up...

_'Now!' _He turned his head and threw his tongue at Spike just as the two of them were close enough, and he snatched the sword up with it. He caught the hilt with his dominant hand just in time to parry a particularly potent assault.

"Hmph," grunted DA as the blades pressed against each other, "You lucked out this time, Yoshi. Let's see if your swordplay is any better than your fashion sense!"

Broshi ignored the insult, entering a mode of full concentration and confidence now that he had his weapon of choice. The two engaged in a ferocious exchange of swings, thrusts, blocks, and dodges. Broshi remained on the offensive, aggressively striking at DA, but his every attempt was met with the black blade of his adversary. She didn't even seem to show any signs of difficulty or frustration from the onslaught. Having taxed his own endurance, Broshi leaped backwards to catch his breath.

The duel postponed, DA laughed. "Is that really all you got? I almost gave you too much credit." She leaned forward, her sword at the ready. "Now it's my turn."

Although Broshi had not quite recovered from his own endeavors, he found himself on the receiving end of the aggression this time. The weapon became a dark blur as it attacked from every side nearly simultaneously, driving the orange Yoshi backwards. His defense faltered gradually; first he sustained a cut on his shoulder, a gash on his cheek, a slice across his chest. The pain accumulated, and his defense broke down. All she needed was a moment, and after deflecting the gold sword far to the side, she jabbed the sword forward in a stabbing motion straight for his heart.

Spike hectically dug through the backpack in search of a healing potion, even though he knew by the time he found one, it would already be too late...

THWACK!

The sword penetrated Broshi... but the sound he heard did not come from the stab. The wound was less than an inch deep. When DA fell forward, he immediately saw the cause: an axe was sticking out of her back at an angle. "What? Spike...?" he gasped, as he was sure that could have been nobody else... however, looking up proved him wrong.

Standing behind where DA had been was a short, panting raccoon in a blue suit, stained with red. He had a crazed, protective look in his eyes. He folded his arms, seeing that Broshi had noticed him. "Well, well, well..." he spoke in a tone that did not match his light, whimsical voice at first, "looks like I came here just in time, hm?" He straightened his suit proudly, wearing an oddly cheery face.

"And who might you be...?" questioned Broshi, while Spike approached from the distance carrying a potion.

"My name is Tom Nook," the raccoon introduced happily. "And no need to strain yourself further by telling me who you are, Broshi, because I already know! Hoho!"

"So it was you who came in the time machine?" asked Spike as he handed Broshi the healing drink. "I thought she said that she..."

"Killed him?" the annoyed assassin said as she pried the axe from her back, standing up weakly. Spike ducked behind Broshi. "Yes... do tell. I stabbed you... clean through. There was blood and everything. So... how are you standing in front of me?"

Tom Nook held up an empty bag with a hole in the middle. "Fake blood packets!" he announced. "You really should never underestimate the arsenal of a raccoon, let alone a shopkeeper, hm? And also, you missed. You 'stabbed' me between my arm and my chest. Unless you were putting on a performance, your aim could use some work!"

"Hmph." DA arched her back. "Well, your axemanship could also use some work. It'd take a lot more force than that to penetrate Dersite carapace." She swayed slightly as she spoke, indicating that perhaps she was undermining the true damage caused by Nook's sneak attack.

"In that case..." Broshi downed his healing potion in one quick gulp, most of his wounds healing over as he entered a ready stance. "Hey Tom, care to find out how many hacks it takes to get to her center?"

Tom dashed with the speed of a forest animal, scooping up his axe before DA could react. "That's why I'm here!" he jovially accepted, stopping to face DA from the other side. The two of them had her surrounded. "Let's get this show on the road, hm?"

* * *

><p>"I still can't believe we're actually getting stuff done," said Hailstorm after a long silence, sitting across from Seraphina in the Desperado. Being one of only four people on board the plane, one of which was in the cockpit and the other two sharing the same body, he had felt more alone than ever. The fact that most of those missing were off doing important things made it a sort of relaxing solitude.<p>

"No kidding," agreed Blah, getting comfortable while Sera slept. "I mean, we still have to take a detour for the sake of getting me a non-borrowed body... sort of... but hey, progress is progress."

"Oh, right, we're going back to Metropolis first..." Hail looked out of the window idly.

"Is there anything you really needed to do in Ponyville first?" asked Blah.

"Nah..." Hail shifted his legs in his seat a bit. "I just can't shake the feeling something's going to happen if we leave it alone for too long again. Seems like every other day since the corruption spread, something attacks the town, or somepony gets kidnapped... or both... and now that the Elements of Harmony are all in Canterlot..."

"Is there even anything left TO happen?" Blah assured him. "We did quite a number on Bowser, Eggman's on our side, and I doubt there's anything Charge and his goons need from there anymore."

Hail turned to look at him. "What about the war?"

"War..." repeated Blah, as if trying to recall something from a history textbook. "I don't... quite... remember...?"

"Come on, you seriously don't remember?" Hail questioned, rather shocked. "Equestria formed an alliance with the Mushroom Kingdom against the Koopa Troopas and those dragon guys?"

"That's still a thing?" Blah tilted his head in confusion. "What are they even fighting for?"

Hail facehoofed. "Control of the territory..."

"Why do they want the territory?" Blah had as many questions as a high-schooler who missed class.

Hail did not budge. "Don't you think with a strong military presence, Charge could easily control the flow of the game and keep us from accomplishing our goals?"

"How would taking over Equestria help them with that?" Blah continued innocently.

"Do I really have to spell everything out for you?!" shouted the pegasus. "You were there when we talked about this! When you enter the game, your part of the universe gets sent into the medium as its own planet. If they occupy Equestria now, they'll occupy it when I enter the game. They won't suddenly stop existing or anything!" He sighed. "Seriously, what the hail, Blah, I thought you were sharper than that."

Blah had nearly forgotten about Hail's tic, and he mistook it for a sliver of humor. "My weapon of choice is a hammer, if anything I thought that would make me blunt..." Blah smirked. Coming from a Kadabra, it looked almost creepy.

"And now you're just messing with me, aren't you." Hail looked down out of sheer disappointment.

"Come on, man, lighten up!" encouraged Blah. "There's no point in being pessimistic about everything. War never changes, but your attitude sure can."

"Ponies are dying out there," stressed Hail with a stamp of his hoof. "We haven't had a war in decades, and now they're fighting just so that they can help us reverse a natural disaster that they had no way to predict. They're dying because of us; because we're the only ones who can save them. And you want to joke around about it?!"

Blah sat still, astonished and silent in the wake of Hailstorm's explosion.

"Sometimes I wonder," he continued, "Why did it have to be me. Why am I the hero who's supposed to set everything straight? What makes me so different from any other pony out there, let alone Rainbow Dash or Twilight or Applejack?" When he did not get a response, he asked again. "Tell me, how do I deserve to be in this position?!"

Seeing the tears forming in the pegasus's eyes, Blah couldn't bear to make eye contact. He couldn't joke or dodge his way out of this one - he had to say something. Taking a deep breath, Blah turned to face Hail. "You want to know what I think?" he began, his tone becoming solemn. "I think it's because you care so much about them."

"I only care as much as anyone would..." Hail uttered, but Blah kept going.

"So much that you're willing to fight to your last breath for your people, and for all innocent lives. You had plenty of opportunities to leave, so that someone else might take your place, but you always came back. I don't think just any pony out there would have the same degree of determination and protectiveness that you do. I mean, you KILLED a guy to save someone you hadn't even met, because you knew it was for the greater good. It takes a real hero to make that kind of decision."

"To be honest, I didn't know that killing him would save Beats..." Hail responded quietly, looking away. "It was more of a spur-of-the-moment thing..."

"Well, you avenged him at the very least. Seriously, it takes a lot to make one sentient being kill off another, and again, it was for the sake of an effective stranger. Perhaps you had a gut feeling that doing so would bring him back. It set you on the path to manifesting your abilities as a Rogue of Life, after all! It really is a fitting title for you, and a role that I doubt anyone else could fill."

"...you think so?" the Rogue said after a moment.

Blah nodded. "Of course. If I could pick anybody to stand by my side on the field of battle, it'd be you, Hailstorm."

Tears streaked down Hail's face at the sound of Blah's words. "Thanks, Blah..." he sniffled. "That means a lot..." He paused, as if putting his emotions on hold for a second. "C-can I hug you?"

"If you want to," Blah permitted, and before the sentence fully left his mouth he found Hail's forelegs tightly around him.

"You're like the brother I never had..."

Blah returned the favor, patting the pony on the back. "You too, man."

_'Brother...'_ The word bounced around in Blah's head, catching him by surprise. _'Didn't I... didn't I have a brother...?'_

The idea sounded accurate. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to find a face, or even a name, to support it. He HAD to have had a family, at least at some point. Parents were a given, but the simple fact that he might have had a sibling or two stuck out in particular.

_'And come to think of it,' _Blah thought, _'where did the name "Blahsadfeguie" come from?'_

It wasn't a real name, for sure. It sounded like total gibberish, but it was the only name he could remember that was associated with himself. It seemed as though every detail about his past life had been wiped from his mind.

"You ok, Blah?" Hail's voice broke his train of thought. Blah hadn't realized it, but after Hail released him from the hug, he had simply sat there blankly.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he answered, his head out of the clouds. "Just doing some reflecting..."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Hail repeated. "Do I need to have a reassuring talk with you now? Seems everyone's getting one all of a sudden, anyway..."

"That won't be necessary," laughed Blah. "It's nothing. We should be focused on the future, not the past."

Hail could tell that it was certainly a bit more than nothing, but he did have other things on his mind. He looked out of the window. "How much farther is it to Metropolis?"

"It's not too far," Dr. Eggman said through the speaker, implying that he had been listening the entire time. "Just a few more minutes."

Hail nodded. "I just wish there was a way to reduce travel time a bit..." No sooner had he said it than he remembered that the solution was sitting opposite him. "Wait! We have Sera now!" He turned to Blah. "Can't we just start teleporting everywhere again?"

Blah blinked. "I can't believe I hadn't thought of that," he responded. "Sera, you awake in there?"

_"I am always aware of what is going on," _answered the familiar voice of Seraphina as if she had never fallen asleep. _"To be honest, I had forgotten about my teleport as well..."_

"Can you teleport us to Metropolis, then?" Hail requested.

_"I cannot teleport huge, inorganic objects such as this vehicle," _she explained.

"We're almost there anyway... have you ever heard of this thing called 'patience'?" The way Eggman said it, it sounded as though he hadn't heard of it himself either.

"We can save time going to Ponyville and Blahtown at least," Blah said. "Man, I nearly forgot how awesome it is being able to teleport everywhere..."

The passengers rode out the rest of the trip in calm silence as the plane pulled into Metropolis for a landing. Blah could hardly wait to see what Dr. Eggman had in store for him.


	46. Taking Flight

**Hmph, I wasn't going to put one of these author's note intro things at the beginning, but it seems the site doesn't like it when I put file extensions on the end of words. Maybe it thinks I'm trying to hack it or something, which I most certainly am not! Let's just pretend that Astra's computer doesn't show known file extensions by default; rest assured that "sburb_server" is most definitely an application.**

**While I'm at it, I'd just like to say that this site was certainly not designed to honor the format of pesterlogs, and it's a little frustrating to have to run through every uploaded chapter and convert all of the line breaks to singles instead of doubles. Colors would be nice to have, too. But oh well, I'll just continue to make do with what I have.**

**Heck, it probably wasn't necessary to go on about that, but I might as well leave it in as a reminder that I'm not a soulless story-generating entity. Not that I was worried about being accused of such, I mean... blargh you know what I mean. Here's the chapter, please read and enjoy it at your leisure :'L**

* * *

><p>Chapter 46: Taking Flight<p>

- discotasticJubilation [DJ] began pestering spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

DJ: yo, sis!  
>DJ: DJ's at his house and ready to roll! 8D<br>SP: Excellent...  
>SP: I'm sending the server application to you now...<br>- spacefaringPioneer [SP] sent sburb_server -  
>SP: I have the client application running and awaiting a connection...<br>DJ: download complete, let's kick off the beat!

Before long, the plain black command console indicated that a server had established a connection. Astra gladly pressed the enter key and was treated with a loading screen consisting of a blue cloudy background, upon which danced a pulsating, ever-shifting spirograph, all backed with some light and energetic music. Various prompts outlined the many, many steps of the installation process in increasingly abstract vernacular, each one showing for less than half of a second on average. Astra felt almost invigorated by the entire show.

Eventually, the music stopped, the screen faded to black, and the letters "SBURB" drifted across the screen in bold green letters.

The computer screen returned to normal. The client application had reverted to the command console with little change. Beats's green text continued to fill her Pesterchum window.

DJ: whoa this is sweet  
>DJ: DJ can totally see your pad, sis!<br>DJ: wave to the camera for me, will you? 8P

Astra looked around her machinery-cluttered room for the camera that Beats mentioned, but saw nothing. She did see a floating object resembling a green house, however, which she recognized as the cursor from the server application.

SP: I don't see a camera, but I do see your cursor...  
>SP: Seems the thing has a physical presence of some sort... Interesting.<br>SP: Anyway, please familiarize yourself with the controls. You'll find the necessary equipment in the menu labeled 'deploy'...  
>DJ: on it!<p>

Astra watched as the cursor swept in with smooth motions not unlike those of a record-scratching DJ, moving some of the heavy machinery around and dropping others. First, the tank-like Cruxtruder in the corner, and the Totem Lathe against a wall. The house shook a bit, indicating that the third device had been placed on the roof. Astra stared for a while, impressed at the size of the machines; perhaps it was the fact that she had only seen them on a computer screen, or perhaps Bellia's relative size further dwarfed them.

While distracted, Astra felt something with a thin surface area bounce off of her cheek. Margainally startled, she looked down to see the pre-punched card. Picking it up, she turned back to the computer to read her server player's messages.

DJ: heads up! 8D  
>DJ: aww, you weren't looking 8C<br>DJ: woulda been a real sweet catch, too  
>SP: Sorry...<br>DJ: hey, no biggie 8P  
>SP: I'll start up the machines. In the meantime, I would appreciate a more convenient way to reach the...<br>SP: ...whatever the thing you put on the roof is called.  
>DJ: queueing up some stairs!<p>

Drawing her scythe, Astra stepped towards the Cruxtruder. She wedged the blade in between the lid and the rest of the machine, working some leverage under it. The lid popped off with a bit of work, and out popped a flashy yellowish orb, which immediately began to dart around the room excitedly. The countdown timer on the side displayed 1:29 and started counting down. _'A minute and 29 seconds...' _Astra read in her head. _'Less time than it sounds.'_

She turned the wheel on the machine, producing a shiny yellow cylinder. She wasted no time carrying it over to the Totem Lathe, plugging it in as well as the card. The newly carved totem barely stopped spinning when Astra retrieved it again.

Turning around, she witnessed Beats putting the finishing touches on his staircase to the roof. He seemed to have gotten the hang of the building controls pretty quickly.

Ascending the stairs, Astra emerged onto the roof of her dwelling, taking in the surrounding forest hillside view for what she presumed to be the last time. A shining object in the sky gradually grew bigger as it neared her position.

Her phone vibrated, reminding her that Beats had still been sending messages.

DJ: dang, sis, you're fast 8S  
>DJ: built the staircase, what's next in this place?<br>SP: Find something to give to the Kernelsprite...  
>DJ: you mean that strobe-lighting disco ball? 8D<br>SP: That's the one...  
>SP: Choose carefully. Our enemies will take on the form of whatever you put in...<br>DJ: there's nothing here but high-tech gadgets 8/  
>DJ: oh hey, here's one of eggman's old posse<br>DJ: that outta cramp those monsters' style! 8P

Before long, the orb followed Astra's path up the stairs, sporting Eggman's robotic, cartoonish likeness. Astra nodded and placed the totem onto the Alchemiter's smaller platform. In a flash of light, a yellow rocketship appeared atop the machine's central platform and blasted off, fading into the sky and leaving a similarly-colored star-shaped artifact behind.

With little time left for hesitation, she tossed the star into the air, striking it with the flat of her scythe on its descent. The star shattered, enveloping Astra and her house in a brilliant white glow...

* * *

><p>Blahsadfeguie, Hailstorm, and Dr. Eggman unloaded themselves from the plane and onto the runway on the outskirts of Metropolis. The city looked exactly the way they left it, partial property damage and all. Robots frantically scuttled and flew around, repairing structures and each other.<p>

Hail was the first to speak. "So, now that you're technically no longer evil..." he began, staring at one of the massive columns of black smoke.

Eggman quickly caught on to the pony's implication. "I may have patched things up with my daughter, but there's only one way to patch things up with the law. I'm not about to let myself get arrested, let alone just turn myself in, not when we have more important business to take care of. And until that's over, I'm not changing a single thing about my city! I like having a defendable position, thank you very much, and I need the resources to keep it that way!"

"He has a point," Blah added. "The police would only make things worse. Sometimes, the heroes have to bend the rules a bit."

Hail sighed. "Fine, whatever. Maybe later we can look into alternative energy sources, at least."

Eggman reverted the Egg-Desperado to its mech form, parking it in his tower where it belonged. Hail followed him into his lab, carrying Blah on his back. Needless to say, he was quite happy to have this two-riders-for-the-weight-of-one deal.

As they walked through Eggman's robot-cluttered halls, many questions popped into Hail's head, which he kept to himself for everyone's sake. Blah simply admired all of the former villain's work, even if most of it was killing machines. Eventually, they reached a giant storage room full of old, deactivated robots, prototype frames, and boxes full of blueprints.

Eggman stopped in front of a narrow, copper-colored locker. He cleared his throat. "Presenting," Eggman announced with an exaggerated flourish, "the brother of the infamous, destructive Metal Sonic... The fox-bot with rear-mounted spinning death blades... Metal Tails!"

He swung the locker door open, shedding light on the hyped prototype. It was a yellow, white, and red Tails-shaped robot, its lightweight chassis built with speed and aerodynamics in mind. Its visible joints, clawed hands, and piercing blue-on-black eyes made it a little unsettling overall, but it was an impressive design for a prototype.

"Eh..." Blah tilted his head slightly. "Do you think you could make it a little less... intimidating?"

"Oh, I suppose you just want to be a cute and cuddly fox?" mocked Eggman, somewhat offended. "Unless you want me to redesign it from scratch, you'll take it and you'll like it."

Blah shrugged. "We can talk about that later, I guess. How about its practical capabilities?"

"Like Metal Sonic, Metal Tails shares a lot of traits with its inspiration. I won't bore you with the details, but the short version is that anything Tails can do, this baby can do better!" Eggman gave it a proud pat on the head. "...well, at least that's how it was planned. I still haven't gotten the flight mechanics down. Those tails of his are an enigma of physics..."

"So what if we could bring Tails here to help you work on it?" Hail suggested.

Eggman hesitated. "...I wasn't going to say it, but that's the most logical course of action. I don't like the idea of working with him, and he probably won't either, but it'll improve the quality of this masterpiece immensely."

"I've got it!" Blah suddenly snapped his fingers. "Metails. Ha!" He received a couple of annoyed stares. "What, I like portmanteaus! This one was just begging to happen."

"...Anyway," Hail tried his best to focus, "anyone know where Tails is now?"

_"The last we saw of him," _Sera chimed in, _"or at least the alpha timeline's version of him, was when we fought the Eho army on Angel Island."_

"So who knows what he's up to now..." Blah remarked.

"Oh, so we don't know where he is?" Dr. Eggman said sarcastically. "That's too bad, guess we'll have to finish the robot without him!"

"Eggman, please," Hail retorted angrily. "Out of all of us, I think you'd have the best idea of where to find him."

Eggman scoffed. "Don't ask me. He has a lab, but most of the time he's just hanging out with Sonic, and that hedgehog really gets around. He could be anywhere, especially since we're dealing with eight universes instead of one. Well, technically six now. But you get the idea."

"So if we find Sonic, we'll probably be able to find Tails..." Blah inferred. "But how does one find the fastest thing alive?"

"Actually," said Hail, "I have an idea of what he might be doing. Waluigi told me that he's been in and out of Blahtown, gradually returning meteorite ore that he had mined out."

"Welp, Blahtown it is!" Blah hopped back on top of Hail. "Ready, Sera?"

_"As always," _the internal voice of the Kadabra responded.

"We'll be back in a jiffy!" Blah waved at Eggman as he and Hail disappeared, much to the scientist's bewilderment.

He didn't have to wait long. A few minutes later, the two of them appeared in roughly the same place, Sonic and Tails each hanging on to one of Blah's arms.

"Eggman?!" Sonic and Tails instantly shouted, almost simultaneously.

"Hey, buddy!" Sonic accused Blah, refusing to take his eyes off of his enemy. Tails jumped behind Sonic. "What's the big idea, delivering us right to Eggman's door?!"

"I told you I'd have to explain after we got here," Blah sighed.

"You don't have to explain anything!" Sonic snapped. "I should've known you were working for that egghead all along! C'mon, Tails, we're outta here!"

The blue hedgehog made a break for the only exit in the room, his timid friend following closely behind. Blah felt the too familiar feeling of numbness seize his body as Sera reclaimed it for the moment, blinking in front of the door to block it off. Sonic jumped, easily clearing Sera's head, but the Kadabra had anticipated such a maneuver. Sera raised her arm, and Sonic unfurled, suddenly finding himself immobile from her telekinesis.

"You leave me with no other choice,"Sera calmly stated.

"Tails... run!" Sonic strained, but before he could even move, Sera had Tails in her psychic grip as well.

Sera closed her eyes. Blah suddenly felt rather crowded. The blackness was replaced with images of their journey from Bowser's Castle, to the Underworld, to Moros, the war in Metropolis, Charge, Discord, Astra and Eggman, and finally leading up to the current moment. Her eyes opened again, and she slowly lowered Sonic and Tails to the ground, gasping, yet ceasing their resistance. Blah found himself in control once again, realizing this just in time to catch himself from falling limply to the ground.

"Were those images... what really happened...?" Sonic panted.

"That was me..." Tails uttered. "I was so... old..."

"The things that happen to us, huh," Blah commented. "I assure you, it's all real. Eggman wasn't planning an ambush - he hasn't moved a muscle since you got here." He indicated Dr. Eggman, who had been leaning against a locker, his arms crossed, waiting half-patiently for the conflict to end. "And yes, I'm technically dead, but Sera was, er, 'kind' enough to save me."

"That would explain why Blah and Sera are apparently one and the same," Tails admitted, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I don't believe it." Sonic walked up to Eggman. "So you have a soft-boiled side after all, huh, Eggman?"

"Buzz off," Eggman mumbled, unamused.

"Now that that's out of the way," Hail spoke up, "Can we please get down to business?"

Sonic and Tails directed their gaze toward the fox's robotic double that Sera had mentioned in her shared flashback.

"Whoa..." Tails approached the robot cautiously, as if it could come to life and attack at any moment.

"Hah," Sonic chuckled. "After Metal Sonic, how could I expect anything but a Metal Tails?"

"Metails," Blah corrected giddily, only to receive the same stares from the new arrivals.

"Please... don't say that again," Tails pleaded.

"Anyway, as you've probably guessed," Eggman addressed, trying his hardest to maintain a formal tone, "I need some data from you, Tails, in order to complete the design in a timely manner."

"Can we start by making him a little less creepy?" asked Tails, unable to look his doppleganger directly in the eye.

"That's what I said!" Blah agreed, "But Eggman didn't care. It's not like he's making this for someone or anything."

Eggman threw his arms in the air. "Fine! If it matters to you THAT much, we'll make him as adorable as the real thing. He'll be _sooo cute_, anyone who catches sight of him will spontaneously suffer a heart attack. Happy?"

Tails blushed a little. "I'm not... THAT cute..."

"I think simply rounding out the eyes will make a world of difference," Blah predicted. "I mean, I don't want to go around scaring people. And I certainly don't care to be a piece of eye candy. I just want to have a body. The fact that it's Tails is just a bonus. His image is certainly not one I mind having for a while."

"Stop," Sonic protested. "You're only making the poor guy more uncomfortable." Tails looked down at the floor sheepishly.

"What, I'm a big fan of his... Out of everything that Eggman's got, I'd be the happiest with Metai- I mean Metal Tails."

Sonic frowned, unsure what to say to either of them.

Tails looked up. "You're... a big fan... of me?" he repeated, feeling as if he were in a dream. "I mean... I could understand being a fan of Sonic, but... me...?"

"Oh sure, you've got lots of fans back where I come from," Blah assured him. "Almost as many as Sonic. And yes, a lot of them think you're cute." Tails's blush intensified.

Eggman sighed loudly, getting everyone's attention. "If we keep straying off-topic like this, we'll never get started..."

"Tails is on-topic, mostly," Blah argued jokingly.

"Well... as weird as it sounds, Eggman's right," Tails agreed, snapping out of it. "We should probably get to work. With both of us working on it, we should be done in no time... Probably." Blah could tell that he was having difficulty picturing himself cooperating with Eggman.

"And I'm sticking around too," Sonic asserted. "I can't bring myself to trust Eggman alone with Tails just yet. Not completely, anyway."

"We don't blame you," Hail understood as Eggman grumbled something unintelligible. "So until you're finished, what are our options?" Hail looked at Blah.

"Considering both me and Sera are kinda bound together at the moment," Blah began, "That leaves just you open to be Beats's server player. Are you ok with that?"

"I'm going to enter the game this soon?" Hail prompted, startled.

"We gotta go fast," Blah said, looking back at Sonic instinctively, who raised a confused eyebrow. Blah was slightly disappointed. "As soon as we have everything we need, there's no point stalling the game any further. Charge is probably planning on messing us up somewhere along the way, so we have to beat him to the punch."

"But what about Broshi?" Hail expressed his concern for the absent dinosaur. "We can't all enter the game without finding him first..."

"Ah... crap, that's right." Blah facepalmed. There was too much stuff to keep track of that he nearly forgot about him. He looked up at Eggman and Tails. "You guys wouldn't happen to have the capability to invent time travel, would you?"

The two tinkerers silently exchanged glances. Blah took that as a no.

"Really? Neither of you?" Hail glanced at Eggman. "Come on, your daughter is an expert on time travel. Surely you would at least have a chance at figuring it out?"

"Look, pal," Eggman retorted, "I'm a scientist, not a miracle worker. I don't know where Astra picked up that stuff, but it certainly wasn't from me."

"We'll just have to ask her, then," Blah gave up. "It's fairly obvious by now that her SBURB aspect is Time, kinda like my Space. She should gain the ability to travel through it herself eventually. And considering how I can already manipulate space to an extent, I doubt it'd take long for her. She's our best shot, short of an actual miracle."

Shortly after saying that, Blah looked around the room frantically as if searching for something. Hail had to ask. "What are you looking for...?"

"The TARDIS," Blah casually explained. "I was hoping that it'd show up at the word 'miracle' in a spurt of irony. Guess not..."

"Was that the blue phone booth that I was trying to invent in the alternate timeline?" asked Tails, to which Blah nodded. "If I made so little progress on it after 5 years, I don't know if I could ever finish it..."

"But it EXISTED," Blah pointed out. "Omega Pinkie Pie found it in Ponyville. So it's out there, somewhere..."

"It'd still take a miracle," said Hail. "There's no guarantee that whoever owns it would be on our side."

_"Correct." _Sera's voice caught both Hail and Blah by surprise. _"Astra remains our best chance at recovering Broshi, but regardless of the method, it is clear that time travel is required. We will only need to worry when it comes time for him to be a server player, but until then, we should press onward and prepare Hailstorm."_

"Okay..." Blah gave up for real. "I think we just need to get him back to his house."

_"Ponyville it is," _Sera earnestly confirmed.

"But I live in Cloudsdale..." corrected Hail as Blah approached to mount him.

"Sera can only teleport to places she, or I for some reason, have seen," Blah summarized. "You'll have to take us there yourself. Luckily, it's pretty close to Ponyville, right?"

"Relatively speaking..." mumbled Hail.

Blah turned to Tails. "Be sure to let us know when you've finished bringing Metal Tails up to date."

"Will do!" Tails nodded. "Good luck, you guys!"

"Goodb-" Hailstorm attempted to say, but before he could finish the word, he noticed that his surroundings had already changed to that of the pony-populated town. He became agitated. "Hey..."

"Well? We don't have much time to waste," Blah said in Sera's defense.

"But don't I need that computer in order to play the game?" Hail asked.

A few seconds of silence passed, shared by the growing crowd of villagers.

_"Canterlot it is," _adjusted Sera as the trio disappeared again, leaving many ponies unsure if what they had just seen was even real.

* * *

><p>Two years in the future, the wasteland was indifferent to the confrontation taking place within it. Broshi and Tom Nook stood with their weapons drawn, facing a downed and heavily wounded Determinate Assassin. The two of them together were more than a match for the Dersite, and they had overwhelmed her in a short time to the point where she was no longer able to fight. Spike had watched from a close distance with Blah's bag at the ready in case his help was needed again, but it was never necessary.<p>

Broshi menacingly stepped forward, his sword poised.

"So, it's come to this..." panted DA, unmoving. "Go ahead. Finish me off. It's not like I can return to the past anyway, not without the TARDIS."

"Heh, I would be glad to," Broshi chuckled as he took another step. Nook simply waited patiently, letting the scene play out.

Spike, on the other hand, wasn't so sure he wanted to let it happen. He thought back to the agreement between Blah and Discord. This woman was clearly the eighth member of Charge's team, all of whom they had agreed to kill. Doing so and reporting it to Discord would likely be enough to convince him to return Blah to normal. On the other hand, if they left her alive, she would be stuck here in the future with no way to return. There would be no need to kill her, and she would be out of everyone's way once and for all. That had to be just as good, right?

Spike's time to decide was coming to a close. Broshi's arm drew back. It was now or never.

"STOP!" Spike shouted, causing Broshi to halt.

"Just look away, kiddo," Broshi advised with a sigh. "It'll all be over soon."

"No... I mean..." Spike fidgeted. "We don't... HAVE to kill her, do we?" He decided it would be best not to mention the deal with Discord just yet.

"I think the tyke might have a point, hm?" Tom Nook added. "Execution is too easy. If you ask me, being stuck in this lifeless desert for the rest of one's life would be a fate worse than death, and one befitting an assassin. Don't you agree?"

Broshi froze. He remembered the difficult time he had surviving the past few days in the wasteland. Having been convinced, he lowered his sword. "Good thinking," Broshi concurred. "Have fun living in hell."

DA's face contorted in shock. "What... No way... You can't just..."

"Come on, let's get out of this place." Broshi started walking towards the TARDIS. Tom Nook casually followed, and Spike hastily picked up the bag and did the same, leaving DA to crawl after them.

"Come back here..." she grunted, clawing her way painfully across the sand as the three of them lifted the phone box upright. "You're supposed... to kill me... if I fail... he said that you would..."

The door opened, and they boarded the time machine one after the other. Before the door closed, Broshi turned around. "Here, I'll leave you with one last choice." He dug into the bag for another healing potion and tossed it into the desert, where it lodged itself in the sand several yards away from her. "You can drink that and live out the rest of your lifespan in misery here, or you could leave it and bleed out slowly and painfully. It's up to you."

DA said nothing and immediately began to crawl towards the potion as quickly as she could muster. Broshi smirked. "Just as I thought." He turned back to Nook, closing the door behind him. "Let's go, on the double!"

"Right-o!" Nook enthusiastically obeyed, darting around the console and operating the various buttons, levers, and widgets. "Next stop: the past!"

Using every last ounce of her strength, the Dersite hurried over to the potion, aware that the light on top of the phone box had started to glow. By the time she had the bottle in her shaking, sweaty hands, the box was already half transparent, but DA was committed to the action of drinking it. The majority of her wounds healed up rapidly, and she managed to stand, breaking into a sprint for the TARDIS... but it faded completely out of the present just as she reached it, causing her to hit the sand face-down where it had been seconds before.


	47. Holmestuck

**So, Terraria's 1.2 update came out recently. Three guesses what I've been up to since then! Thankfully I already had chapter 47 written by the time of the update, but in case I miss a Friday in the near future, you can probably blame Terraria. I'm a pretty big fan of it as you can likely tell by the fact that this story started with it, after all. But yeah, if that does happen, I won't have lost interest in Another World, of course, I'd just be more interested in the game for the time being!**

**(I wrote that yesterday and then I went on to play terraria and almost missed the deadline. Argh. Total professional here. Oh well.)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 47: Holmestuck<p>

"Whew..." Broshi leaned against the interior wall of the traveling TARDIS and stretched, savoring his first chance to relax since his exile. "I gotta say... I don't know if I'd still be alive if it weren't for you two. So, thanks for showing up."

"Oh, it's no problem at all!" Tom Nook welcomed, downplaying the seriousness of the situation. "I'm simply doing my duty as a time-traveling raccoon, after all. Hoho!"

"I didn't even have any control over it," Spike said modestly. "It's almost like Blah knew what he was doing when sending me into that portal..."

"So anyway, Nook, I have a question," Broshi addressed.

"Well, time is on our side," Tom answered. "And I'm sure both of you have loads of questions for me, hm? So, ask away!"

"When we found the TARDIS in the alternate timeline," Broshi began, "Blah mentioned something about a doctor being the original owner of this thing. Are you that doctor?"

The raccoon laughed. "Oh, heavens no! I'm just a humble shopkeeper from a small village near the coast."

Broshi crossed his arms. "So then, how did you get it, and how did you know where... and when... to find us?"

"That, my friend, is a long, LONG story." Tom Nook continued to fiddle with the controls.

"But you JUST said we have a lot of time," Spike complained, digging idly through the backpack.

"I didn't say I wasn't going to tell it, hoho!" Nook laughed. "So, where to begin... ah, yes, you are one of the players of the game known as SBURB, correct?"

Broshi nodded. "Yeah... or at least, that's the plan... what about it?"

"Well, let's just say that you're not the first to play it, hm?"

Spike's eyes widened. "You've played it before?!"

"Hold on, how could you be a player?" Broshi asked inquisitively. "Blah said there were only supposed to be eight of us, and we already know who..."

"Eight players in your session," corrected Nook. "But there are other sessions, like my own. We also had eight players."

"Isn't the game supposed to..." Spike struggled to remember. "Separate the universes... or something? Can that be done more than once?"

"It can if the games were played in different universes altogether," Nook answered.

"Are you saying that you come from a universe that's completely separate from our hybrid?" prompted Broshi.

"Well... yes and no," said the raccoon. "That one's a little complicated, I'm afraid. It's a separate story all its own, one that took even me a while to fully understand..."

"Try me," shrugged the Yoshi, as Spike pulled a small, cylindrical object out of the pack and fiddled around with it.

"Ok, here's the gist of it," Tom Nook began. "Our universes are made from the same basic materials, except some of them were switched around near the beginning, causing one to develop quite differently from the other."

"Like an alternate timeline?" Broshi guessed, ignoring the noise eminating from the implement that Spike held.

"In a sense, yes. Both of our games started for the same reasons, but by different players. However, ours..." He looked away, as if remembering something painful. "...wasn't going so well." The two reptiles were silent, letting him continue. "The timeline we're in now exists because we needed another chance."

"So you... reset the game, so to speak?" suggested Broshi.

"Shh! Not so loud," Nook hushed him, to his confusion. "The... _r-word_ is taboo where I come from." He looked around the room in a panic, as if expecting someone to pop up at any second. When all he received in return were the dumbfounded stares of the two listeners, he calmed down. "But yes. That is what we did."

"Well, if you don't mind me asking..." Spike carefully approached the subject, putting down his newfound toy for a moment, "...what happened to the other players?"

"Normally, when such an action is carried out, the old timeline is completely blanked, along with everything - and every_one_ - in it. Thankfully, though, I... _we_ found a way around that. Our plan didn't come without a price, but..." He sighed. "It's up to me to make sure their sacrifice wasn't in vain."

Spike caught on to his implications. "Oh, man... I'm sorry..."

The engine of the TARDIS ground to a halt. "Looks like we're here," Nook announced.

"Back in the present time?" questioned Broshi, already heading gladly for the door.

"Well... you'll see," Nook answered ambiguously.

"What do you mean?" Broshi looked back at Nook as he opened the door. "If we're not in the present, then where a-"

He stopped, as he turned to look through the open door. Staring back at him was a long, playfully grinning face sporting mismatched horns and a lone, asymmetrical fang.

"Well, if it isn't the dinosaur, the dragon, and the doctor," greeted Discord. "Fancy meeting you here!"

* * *

><p>As Hailstorm and Blahsadfeguie phased back into the physical world, they found themselves once again in front of the grand capital city of Equestria. Or at least, Blah assumed it was the capital. He couldn't quite remember. And, more to their dismay rather than their surprise, the protective magical dome still surrounded it.<p>

"Hey, Sera," wondered Blah, "couldn't you have teleported inside the dome and saved us some trouble?"

_"That would be ill-mannered of us," _Sera replied. _"They have it up for a reason. Bypassing it without anyone's permission is kind of rude, is it not?"_

"It's ok," Hail said, confidently walking up to the edge. "Now that we've cleared things up with Celestia, the guards should let us in if we ask."

Blah looked down at the two gold-clad royal guards standing on the path just outside the dome, and then at the two standing just inside, right behind them. Their presence seemed a bit redundant, but Blah wasn't about to question it.

"Hello," greeted Hail calmly. "Would you mind letting us in for a moment? We just need to pick something up real quick."

The two external guards exchanged glances for a second. One of them replied. "We can inform the Princess that you need into the city, but it might take a while before an opening that you can pass through can be created..."

_"We are allowed to come and go as we please, though?" _Sera asked.

"Yes, but..."

_"Excellent. That is all I needed to know."_

Before he knew it, the pegasus and Kadabra had vanished. Looking behind him, he saw that they had teleported inside.

"How did..." one of the internal guards questioned in bewilderment.

"Nothing to worry about," cried Blah as he rode off on Hail. "I doubt those meteors you're keeping out can do that!"

After a bit of asking around, the two or three heroes ended up at the castle that marked the center of Canterlot, as well as the center of the Princess' rule over Equestria. Apparently, Celestia preferred to keep both her friends and her enemies close. The small group wandered the huge, regal halls of the castle in awe. As important as their mission was, they couldn't help but feel dwarfed by the proud tapestries and statues decorating the castle, serving as reminders of the influence and power that these alicorns held over the massive and loyal populace.

Such was the grandiose of the castle that they nearly forgot they were supposed to be getting directions from guards along the way to the ponies' rooms, a task which Sera had thankfully performed for them. It also helped that there seemed to be a lot more guards patrolling the castle than they thought would be necessary, probably due to their "special guest".

Upon finally reaching the guest rooms on an upper floor, Hail raised a hoof and briskly knocked on the door. After several seconds, a glow of purple magic surrounded the doorknob and opened it in response, revealing a somewhat relaxed Twilight Sparkle. Seeing Hail and Sera, she put on a wide grin. "Hey Hailstorm!" she greeted cheerfully. "And Seraphina, I presume?"

"Blah, at the moment," replied the borrower in his own voice. "She's still in here too, of course. Just taking a back seat."

"Right..." Twilight looked around awkwardly. "Well, as long as you're still here, there's nothing to be worried about I guess. I take it you've gotten Astra and Beats to their destinations all right?"

"Yep, the trip was surprisingly uneventful," Hail confirmed. "And now Eggman's at his lab working on a new body for Blah. So it's just the three of us for now." Twilight nodded. "Anyway, we're here to pick up my computer so that I can enter the game and hopefully get rid of the need for having that shield around the city."

"Well, come on in!" Twilight invited, stepping back and letting the visitors enter. "I left it on the table over there."

Hail and Blah followed Twilight into the room. For a guest quarter, it was quite lavish and roomy. Blah would have been lucky to have a bedroom half as luxurious as this room back home, and he estimated that it was bigger than the house he had built for himself in Blahtown, even.

"So, how's Discord doing?" Blah asked, helping himself to a seat on a heavily-cushioned white sofa as Hail retrieved his tablet.

"Pretty well, actually," reported Twilight. "Ever since Pinkie went into his room to entertain him, or whatever it is they're doing in there, he hasn't bothered any of the rest of us at all."

"Ah, that's..." Blah was about to say it was good news, but something didn't seem right. "...you haven't heard a peep from them?"

"Well, no..." Twilight started to realize it as well. "We appreciated the peace and quiet, but now that you mention it, both Pinkie and Discord in the same room, making no noise whatsoever?"

"Silence like that is unreal," Blah commented. "It doesn't even happen, most of the time."

"Okay, I should probably check on them then..." Twilight hustled out of the room, that too-familiar look of worry on her face. Blah and Hail decided to follow her.

Twilight knocked on the door rapidly. "Pinkie? Discord?" she called. There was no answer. She attempted to open the door, but the knob wouldn't budge. "It's locked!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Looks like we'll have to break it down," Blah decided, stepping back a ways and poising to run at it.

_"I would not advise that," _Sera's voice echoed in his head. _"Do you not have an alternative to this problem?"_

Blah thought for a moment, then snapped. "OH. Right." He retrieved his Sonic Screwdriver, pointed it at the lock and pressed a button. The door replied with a resounding click, and Blah wasted no time in getting it open.

The room was very much like Twilight's, as they expected, only with one key difference. One very major key difference.

A fluffy mass of pink and red sat underneath the table. From the doorway, it looked almost like a blanket, and Blah's every instinct urged him not to try and prove himself otherwise. And yet, he found himself creeping slowly towards the object, his senses fading into obscurity as if he were waking up from a dream.

"I-Is that..." he heard Hail's muffled voice, followed by a heavy gulp and then silence.

Blah could barely pay attention. He simply continued walking on autopilot, his every step heavier than the last, like a zombie, eventually reaching the table. He lifted it, practically tossing it aside in order to get a good, hard look at whatever was underneath. This HAD to be just a blanket, he told himself. But he couldn't just leave it at that, he had to make SURE.

He just HAD to make sure...

But he couldn't deny what was in front of his eyes - the blank, lifeless face of Pinkie Pie.

The void overtook Blah in an instant.

* * *

><p>"Twilight. Inform everyone in the castle that a murder has taken place. The culprit cannot have gotten far, but time is of the essence."<p>

Sera was the only clear-minded and conscious individual in the room, and her orders were concise and professional. With Blah having fainted, she was forced to regain control - not only of her body, but of the situation as a whole. She had kneeled over and was already examining the victim to pinpoint the cause of death.

Twilight hesitated for a moment, still fixated in disbelief on the corpse of her close friend. The Kadabra's instructions finally registered after some delay. "R-right." She galloped out of the room uneasily, yet determined.

"Pinkie..." Hail uttered as he paced the room, himself finding it hard to believe as well. "Why did you think it was a good idea to be alone with Discord..." He stopped, suddenly turning to Sera. "Sera, can't you do the... the thing that you did with Blah?"

"Unfortunately, it is too late," Sera replied. "Pinkie's departure happened a while ago. Her soul is long gone."

"Of course..." Hail began to pace the room again. "That'd just be too easy. Ugh, if I could just..." He began to form a plan about how to reverse this tragedy, but his thoughts were cut short upon remembering that Discord probably couldn't be brought down that easily.

Twilight soon rushed back into the room, followed by Applejack and Fluttershy. Immediately after seeing Pinkie, Fluttershy let out a small shriek.

"P-Pinkie Pie!" Applejack shoved her way past Sera and checked her desperately for a pulse.

"It is no use," Sera explained. "Pinkie has been dead for a while. I am sorry."

"Where's Rarity and Rainbow Dash?" Hail asked, noting the missing ponies.

"Rarity was eager to go into town," Twilight told him. "I thought Discord had finally calmed down, so I said it was okay... and then Rainbow Dash left soon after, looking forward to the open air..."

"We shoulda known this was gonna happen," Applejack said angrily. "That Discord played us all for fools... he'd already made it clear he didn't mind offing his enemies, even... why, I don't care HOW powerful he is, if I could get my hooves on him, I'd..."

"Are you sure that you heard nothing coming from this room since Pinkie and Discord entered?" Sera requested from Twilight.

"I'm sure... So we don't even know the exact time of the incident..." Twilight tried to focus on the events that lead up to the present moment despite how close to home it hit. Fluttershy's unnerved sobbing certainly didn't help that either.

"Does that even matter?" Hail shouted. "It's obvious who did it. With Pinkie out of the way, there'd be nothing stopping Discord from exerting his full power over Equestria..."

"How can you be so sure that it was Discord?" Sera asked, walking over to the open window and looking out of it.

"Well, gee, maybe it's the fact that they were alone in the room?" Hailstorm answered sarcastically. "And his motive is clear as day!"

"While it is true that there may be nothing stopping him from turning Equestria into his personal playground..." Sera thought back to what she had heard from Blah. "It is not going to matter for him if the eight players of SBURB do not enter the game properly. His power will still be reduced to nothing if Charge wins, so he still has reason to cooperate with us."

"But what if he tries to replace somebody, just like Charge is trying to do?" considered Twilight. "He's as much our enemy now as Charge is... if either of them make their way into the game, we'll be in trouble."

Sera did not respond. She merely continued examining the body and the room for clues. Before long, the group noticed the sound of approaching hoofsteps. Princess Celestia and a couple of accompanying guards entered the room.

"Princess!" Twilight exclaimed, glad to see her mentor on the scene.

"Hmm, so it's true," Celestia confirmed, witnessing Pinkie's corpse. She paused for a brief moment, and Sera noticed her lip quiver ever so slightly. Even royalty is entitled to emotions, after all. "I never would have expected such a blatantly heinous act from Discord... are you sure it was him?"

Everyone else nodded except for Sera. "Judging from the crime scene," she began, "there are no signs of a struggle, or anything that stands out as relevant to the act. Pinkie's body was found under the table, and there are no traces of blood anywhere else in the room, suggesting that she had moved there before the killing blow - which appears to be a stab to the back with a long, moderately thin instrument. Not only that, but no sound was reported to have been heard from this room during the time the murder would have taken place."

"I see..." Celestia looked around the room, seeing nothing different from Sera's description. "The circumstances are strange. I know for a fact that Discord prefers not to dispose of his enemies with murder, and even if he were to resort to that, why would he use a blade?"

"He already asked us to kill Charge and his minions," Hailstorm reminded her. "But you're right, being a deity of chaos and all, there are far better, cleaner ways to kill..."

"He's probably tryin' to frame somepony else," suggested Applejack.

"He would not need to," Sera responded. "Without the Element of Laughter, there is nothing we could do to him if he were the murderer."

Silence engulfed the group again as everyone pondered their next course of action. With an unrestrained Discord on the loose, it seemed hopeless...

"...There is one thing we can do," Celestia finally spoke, her tone darkening.

"What?!" Twilight shouted. "Something that doesn't require all six of the Elements...?"

The princess nodded. "I wasn't going to mention it, because it had been unthinkable... up until now."

"So what is it?" Hail prompted. "I'd do anything in order to bring that backstabber to justice..."

"If I were to combine my power with that of my sister, Luna," Celestia explained, "we could banish him to the Furthest Ring for eternity. This action would be irreversible, as he would be stranded in an undefined portion of space in which his power has no meaning. Not even we can bring him back after that."

"Ah, I understand..." Twilight responded. "You knew that Discord still had the potential to be reformed, so you couldn't even consider that... You said it yourself, that everyone has the potential for good within them, no matter how black the heart."

"Precisely," affirmed Celestia. "However, if Discord does prove to be the murderer, we may have no choice. He would be beyond help."

"So all we have to do is figure out whether or not he's guilty," Hail began to pace the room again. "That's not going to be easy..."

"There's no definitive proof either way," Twilight said. "He seems like the most plausible suspect, but some things just don't make sense..."

"I have one last question for you, Princess," Sera addressed. "Does Discord know that you and Luna are capable of sending him to the Furthest Ring?"

"He does," Celestia replied. "He also knows that we would only do such a thing if he were considered irredeemable."

"Which means he does have reason to frame someone after all," Hail added. "So we're right back where we started."

"We should start by finding and interrogating Discord," Sera determined. "We should also gather information such as the possible time of death. Discord will likely have an explanation for us, true or untrue. The more facts we have to compare it against, the better."

"Our guards are already searching the city and the castle for Discord," said Celestia. "They've been instructed to bring him here for questioning."

"Good. Hailstorm." Sera turned to Hail. "In the event that Discord is the murderer and is planning to replace someone in the game, I would advise that you work on getting Beats in as soon as possible. Our goal has become yet more urgent."

Hail looked down. "But... who's going to be my server? I'll only be able to get Beats into the game myself, and neither you nor Blah can do anything by yourselves until Metal Tails is finished..."

"Hopefully, by the time your entry becomes a concern, that will all be sorted out. I will teleport you to Ponyville, at which point you are on your own. Beats should fill you in on what to do. We will contact you through Eggman if something comes up."

Hail took a moment to let it all sink in. He nodded. "Gotcha. Good luck to all of you."

"Same to you," Twilight returned the favor. As Sera grabbed Hail's hoof, a thought occurred to the unicorn. "Wait, is it really that easy to get through the-"

The two were already gone. Twilight sighed.

Sera returned moments later. "Yes. It is quite easy to pass for someone of my capabilities."


	48. Eye of the Storm

Chapter 48: Eye of the Storm

- hailStorm [HS] began pestering discoJubilation [DJ] -

HS: hey beats  
>DJ: yo, hail to the storm, dawg! 8D<br>DJ: ready to get it on like donkey kong?  
>HS: yeah sure<br>DJ: not very expressive, are you? 8C  
>DJ: cmon man, we're about to play this rad game to save the universe! what could possibly be bringing you down?<br>HS: pinkie is dead  
>DJ: oh.<br>DJ: well dang I'm sorry bro  
>DJ: can DJ ask what happened?<br>HS: she was murdered by discord probably  
>DJ: probably? man who else could have done it<br>DJ: charge?  
>HS: maybe we dont know yet<br>HS: seras looking into it  
>HS: id say more but im kinda busy flying<br>HS: gotta hurry and get you into the game  
>DJ: DJ hears you loud and clear, wingman!<br>DJ: astra is already in, so DJ's ready to begin!

It was certainly tricky paying attention to the sky in front of him while holding his computer and typing out messages occasionally, all while flapping his wings as hard and fast as he could. The oddly-timed increased pegasus traffic served to only raise the difficulty even further, but Hailstorm had a mission, and he was not about to waste any more time doing it. He had already departed Ponyville and was zooming between the clouds and the other ponies, his sights set on the distant cloud city of Cloudsdale.

He was in the middle of typing up a reply when he heard a noise from behind him. It almost sounded like a shout.

Taking a quick glance behind him, he saw the frame of a dark gold, well-built pegasus pony rapidly approaching. "Hey!" The shout was clearer now, a gruff and disgruntled masculine voice. Hail recognized the pegasus immediately, his presence invoking a tight knot in his stomach. And yet, he continued flying. He knew that he could not outrun this stallion, but he wasn't about to stop even for him.

"Hailstorm, get back here!" the pegasus shouted again, catching up. "You've got some serious explaining to do, pal!"

"Sorry, Mr. Star, but I can't stop now!" Hail called back.

"That's Mr. Star, SIR, to you!" Swift Star pulled up alongside him. "Where are you off to in such a hurry, huh? You've missed work for 2 weeks now! And last I heard, you left town with Light! So where is he now? What have you done with my son?!"

Hail's widening gaze continued to point straight ahead. Swift had no idea who his son really was... and Hail had no chance of conveying the truth in such a short time.

"Well?!" his boss demanded, growing less patient by the second.

Hail sighed and slowed to a halt. Swift had a right to know, and there was no sense in not trying to explain. He made his way to the ground to catch his breath, Swift following angrily.

"I'm sorry, sir," Hail began, "but your son is..." Swift's glare cut through him like a knife. "...not who he used to be. Or rather, he was never who you thought he was."

"What are you saying?" Swift's tone shifted to that of accusation.

"He's..." Hail searched for an explanation that was both believable and true. "Light Star isn't your biological son, is he?" he opened. "In fact, he's not even officially adopted. You found him in the middle of the street when he was a baby foal, didn't you?"

Swift looked somewhat astonished. "How do you know that?" he snapped suspiciously. "Not even Light knows that..."

"We figured it out," Hail replied. "Along with his true identity. You've at least heard of Blahsadfeguie by now, right?"

"Yeah, the human who came out of nowhere, along with all those other weirdos..." Swift didn't quite seem to be making the connection, but Hail didn't blame him. "What about him?"

"Well, he and Light Star are one and the same."

There was a moment of silence as Swift reeled from the sentence, as if the strangeness and suddenness of it inflicted a physical blow on him. "Ok, now I KNOW you're lying," Swift refuted. "Light's been living with me and my wife practically his whole life, and Blah only showed up a few weeks ago. They even met briefly on the day of Blah's party. And do I need to even mention the fact that Blah is a human?"

"That's because Blah was sent back in time against his will to become Light," Hail continued, unfaltering. "He lost his memories, and only recently regained them. He was never originally a pony - why do you think it took him so long to get his cutie mark? And when he did, it happened to be related to Hajike, Blah's primary source of power." The gold pegasus remained silent. "You've wanted to figure out where Light came from ever since you found him, am I right? This is the answer you were looking for. He was Blahsadfeguie all along."

Swift stared at the ground. Hail had expected further denial, but that pose suggested that he was seriously considering Hail's explanation, much to his surprise.

However, any hope Hail had of convincing him terminated when Swift shook his head. "No. There's no way I'm believing a ridiculous story like that," he decided, though it seemed to Hail like Swift might have been talking to himself more so than him. "Time travel isn't possible. If it were, you could've gone back in time and showed up for work!" He had switched to full accusation mode again, forcefully changing the subject. "Do you understand what a meteor shower does to a perfectly prepared cloud cover? We've had to take _volunteers_ to make up for the damage to our ecosystem due to the unstable conditions!"

Hailstorm had no choice but to switch to full-on defense. "I'm sorry, sir, I hadn't thought about that..." He hadn't been aware that an entire ecosystem could take damage from abnormal weather in the first place, let alone that quickly, but talking back to Swift at this state was out of the question.

"Well I bet you're thinking about it now!" retorted Swift. "So you better get your snow-covered behind up there and haul some cloud, or you won't even have a job to come back to from your little adventure!"

Hail gulped. He was afraid that it would come to this. He had to choose between either losing his job, or failing to do his duty as a hero. His instinct immediately shifted in favor of abandoning Swift, but he wasn't sure that even saving the universe would convince Swift to give him his job back if he did. Not only that, but he would be letting down his fellow ponies. Two separate groups needed his help. _'Dang... if only I could be in two places at once...' _Hail thought as his boss stared him down impatiently. He glanced idly down at the computer screen in the hopes that Beats might have some wisdom to share...

DJ: uh, yo?  
>DJ: DJ wasn't gonna bother you while you were flying but<br>DJ: he just spotted a shooting star directly above him  
>DJ: it's getting closer bro<br>DJ: no rush but  
>DJ: you might want to hustle up a bit D8<p>

"What are you looking at?" Swift growled. "Are you going to get moving or what?"

Hail didn't respond. He thought about his computer. _'If this is the thing I'll use to play the game anyway... do I even need to be in my house just yet?'_

It was a crazy idea, but his multitasking earlier seemed to fare well enough. He had already proved that it was possible for him to concentrate on flying and use the computer at the same time...

"You've got me," sighed Hail. "I'll help."

Swift blinked in hesitation, having anticipated a bit more of an argument. "Good. I'm glad you came to your senses. We need all the help we can get, so meet me up there for instructions, on the double!" He took off and headed for a cluster of isolated clouds.

Before following, Hail double clicked the SBURB server icon on his desktop. Astra had been nice enough to install the program beforehand, which might have bought him just enough time to make this work.

With the console window up, Hail took after Swift while typing a reply.

DJ: looks like just a few minutes left...  
>HS: im here i have the window up<br>DJ: oh, right on time man!  
>DJ: just type in my IP, which is right... here!<p>

A small string of numbers appeared on the screen. "Great, something to copy down..." muttered Hail as he stopped next to Swift. "Ok, I'm listening," he said, looking between the two windows and starting to copy from one to the other.

"All right," Swift's voice reached his ears, and Hail tried to pay attention. "We're running out of good clouds around the target zone. As usual, you'll be responsible for cloud elevation. To collect more water vapor and expand them, in case you forgot after all your time off-duty..."

"I remember, don't worry," Hail affirmed as he put in the last of the numbers and pressed Enter, starting the connection process.

"Seriously, what is that?" Swift asked. "You look like you're paying more attention to that thing than to me."

"It's... a communication device," Hail said, looking up. "I'm telling all of my friends that I can't make it to... the thing I was heading for before you stopped me." He looked down at it again. "I have a lot of friends."

"Whatever," dismissed the boss. "As long as you're getting your work done, I don't care what else you do. Just hurry up, will you? Those clouds won't elevate themselves!" He immediately picked a cloud and began to lift it. "You're still not off the hook about Light though. We'll talk about him later..."

Invigorated by the SBURB jingle playing in the background, Hail began to follow suit. The bitter high-altitude winds soon crept around him, and he was reacquainted with the feelings of urgency and productivity that made him a proficient weather pony.

Using his hind legs to flatten the cloud and increase its surface area, he balanced the computer on his left forehoof and dragged the Cruxtruder onto the second floor of Beats's house with his right, placing it among the various stacks of records and old music-playing devices. The cloud gradually increased in size as he scrolled to the first floor where there would likely be more room for the other equipment, only to find that it was still overflowing with Blah and Pinkie's kitchen monstrosity.

DJ: sorry about the lack of space bro, that mess is just too much for one guy!  
>DJ: but that's ok because we can make room using the revise button!<br>DJ: and don't worry about spending grist, we're kinda in a hurry

Hail fiddled with the touch controls, selecting the option that Beats indicated. The number that appeared indicated Beats's reserve of Build Grist was at 2500, which was nothing to sneeze at. He started by drawing a cube to attach to the roof of his house... however, he was startled by a resounding crash of thunder behind him, causing his hoof to slip. He had nearly forgotten about the cloud, and there was a massive, lopsided rectangular shape protruding from Beats's house as a result. The weight was almost too much for the original building's walls.

DJ: dude, what are you even doing? 8/  
>HS: sorry im sorta multitasking here<br>DJ: can you put whatever it is down for two seconds?  
>HS: not exactly<p>

A piece of the roof crumbled, crashing down onto the Cruxtruder and knocking the lid off. A pinkish Kernelsprite emerged. Hailstorm failed to notice, as he preoccupied himself with managing his cloud, which had grown to immense proportions. It had become almost too big for him to move.

With his server inactive, Beats scanned his house for an object to give the Kernelsprite in the meantime. His eyes landed on the sunglasses that used to belong to Mefirst, which he had brought inside seeing that the mailman would have no further use for them. With the house shaken up, they had fallen to the ground and cracked slightly. With a shrug, he tossed them at the sprite.

Hail's fur tingled as he struggled with the static-producing cloud, shoving his entire body against it. Through his weight and strength alone, he had managed to lower it enough to make it stop growing at least, but there was still the matter of getting it where it needed to be. "I could... use some help here...!" he called to the open air, praying that a fellow pegasus might hear and give him a hoof. The cloud rumbled, threatening to cast a bolt of lightning. There was no telling where - or who - it would strike.

DJ: this room is gonna blow if you don't kill that cube bro! D8

With the staircase blocked and the roof about to cave, Beats could only take shelter under a table and hope that Hail was paying attention. A quick glance at his computer told the pegasus that the DJ had very little time left, and so he hastily moved the camera view back to the gigantic geometry. Swiping his hoof across the screen, he managed to recycle most of it, stabilizing the second floor a bit. The cloud rumbled again, dividing his attention.

Beats took the opportunity to advance on his Cruxtruder and turn the wheel. As he retrieved the pink Cruxite dowel, he glanced at the timer on the device. Only 50 seconds remained until the meteor would hit. The beet's jaw dropped.

DJ: 50 seconds, guy!

Hail continued to press against the cloud as he dropped the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter onto the slab of building material that remained on the roof. He placed the pre-punched card as carefully as he could next to Beats, for fear of slipping again and losing it. Having deployed everything necessary, Hail returned to pushing the cloud despite his rapidly draining stamina.

Beats snatched up the card, but stopped as he realized that he had no way of getting on top of the roof. The seconds ticked by. His options running out, Beats had no choice but to climb out of the window carrying both of his required objects, balancing on the windowsill.

The cloud was only barely budging. Hail put all of his remaining strength into it, but it didn't seem to change anything. The next second slowed to a crawl as he processed the sound of revving up thunder. _'This is it,'_ he heard himself think. _'This is the moment I die.'_

A black streak passed by his head, followed by a flash of lightning. A pegasus pony had flown in from nowhere, practically drop-kicking the cloud and redirecting the lightning. The dark pony proceeded to push the cloud further along the path that Hail intended for it to go, making the task look easy as pie.

"Th-thanks!" cried the breathless and bewildered Hailstorm, unable to get a good look at his savior as they blended into the retreating storm cloud.

He checked his computer screen again, only to see Beats cautiously climbing the side of the house. Hail drew a set of stairs alongside him in aid, for which Beats was extremely grateful.

At that point, it was a simple matter for the veggie to replicate the steps he had seen from Astra to complete the entry process. With 10 seconds to spare, Beats witnessed a pink Cruxite record eject from a massive jukebox atop the Alchemiter. He picked it up, a little hesitant to break it, but the wild gestations of the shaded sprite behind him coaxed him otherwise. With both hands, he brought the record down onto his knee, shattering it.

Hail's computer screen blanked. He continued staring, unsure if the process had even worked from what he'd seen, but eventually, Beats reappeared on the screen, his club surrounded by an endless, lush field.

Hail sighed with relief, packing the computer back into his saddlebag so that he could properly thank the pegasus that saved him. He flew off towards the cloud, which was still on its way to the cluster that the other pegasi were building.

A swarm of other workers approached to slide the cloud into place, relieving the black pegasus. The newcomer flew against the brighter backdrop of the sky to catch their breath, becoming more visible. It was a male, that much was certain, but one detail stood out to Hailstorm - this pegasus also had a horn, making him an alicorn instead!

Rubbing his eyes in disbelief, Hail flew closer to the alicorn. The sight of his cutie mark came as even more of a shock. He recognized it as the very same galaxy symbol that Blah had acquired during his time as Light Star!

"Hey!" Hail called to the oddly familiar alicorn, startling him. He hadn't noticed the winter pony's approach until just now. "Blah, is that you?!"

"Uh..." The alicorn backed away as Hail neared him suspiciously. "You've seen too much, I gotta go now bye!"

"Wait!" Hail cried, but the alicorn had already zoomed off at a speed that not even Rainbow Dash could hope to match.

Frustrated, Hail flailed his limbs in midair. "Ugh! Why can't anyone ever be straightforward anymore?"

"Nice work getting that cloud over here, Hailstorm!" praised Swift Star, seeing Hail near the target biome. "That certainly makes up for a lot of lost time. Now, I think we have a certain son of mine to discuss..."

"I... I think we do," Hail surrendered.

* * *

><p>Broshi drew his sword and held it threateningly towards Discord. Tom Nook casually exited the TARDIS, leaving the timid Spike behind. "Who are you and what do you want with us?" demanded the Yoshi.<p>

"Ah, how cute," Discord downplayed, "the noble Heir wishes to slay the beast of unknown origin. Believe me when I say that even if I didn't come in peace, attempting to fight me would be the worst mistake of your life." He poked Broshi's large nose playfully, causing him to growl.

He was a hair away from lunging at Discord, but Nook held a hand in front of him. "Let's not be hasty, hm?" he suggested. "Discord and I have already agreed to a meeting here and now. He is a friend."

"Funny-looking friend," muttered Broshi as he disdainfully sheathed his weapon.

"So... where is here and now, anyway?" Spike tiptoed out of the time machine. He and Broshi looked around at their new surroundings. Spike recognized it immediately as the very same sculpture garden from which they had released Discord in the first place, but that didn't answer the question of the current time.

"That's not important right now," Nook dismissed. "We didn't come here to dilly-dally." He turned to Discord. "I've brought Broshi and Spike, as you asked. I believe you have a request for us, hm?"

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Discord answered. Broshi continued to eye him suspiciously. "You should be in possession of something very important to this universe's session. A Sonic Screwdriver, to be exact."

"...Sonic what?" The raccoon cocked his head. "I'm afraid I don't know what that is..."

"Well, I'm sure ONE of you knows what a Sonic Screwdriver is," he spoke a little slower, kneeling in front of Spike expectantly.

The dragon took a few steps back apprehensively, until it finally clicked what Discord was asking for. "Oh! That's..." Spike remembered the small object he had found in Blah's bag. "Wait... so this is how it happened? Or, will happen?" Spike tried to piece together the timeline in his head. "You meet us now, we give you the screwdriver that we found in the future, and you go back in time and give it to Blah?"

"Who then, in turn, frees me so that I can accomplish the task in the first place," finished Discord, grinning at the confused look on Spike's face. "It's called a stable time loop. Welcome to temporal relativity!"

"'Frees you'?" Broshi interrupted, glaring at Discord. "From what, some kind of prison? If you've done anything to deserve imprisonment, what makes you so trustworthy, anyway?"

"Uuuuugh," groaned Discord, "Do I have to explain this to EVERYONE? I've already influenced the past in a way that would be impossible were I still 'imprisoned' as you put it. In other words, they had no choice but to free me. Otherwise the loop would have broken and you'd all be in a doomed timeline right now."

"Ok then, I'll buy that for now," Broshi accepted, "but can I ask what makes you so important and, apparently, infamous? Cause I seem to be the only one here who doesn't know who you are, and it's driving me crazy."

"Oh, nobody special, just the GOD OF CHAOS," he cackled. "I'd demonstrate my ability but let's just say that would be a... poor tactical decision on my part."

"And what do you mean by that?" Broshi demanded. God of chaos or not, this Yoshi was certainly not afraid to stand up to him.

"It doesn't concern you," he brushed off. "Now, I'm sure you have a lot of other questions, but our time is running out. I need that Sonic Screwdriver, so be a good boy and hand it over, will you?"

Spike hesitantly pulled out the Sonic Screwdriver and stared at it for a moment in his hands, re-thinking whether or not he should give it to him. Even now, it took him a while to bring himself to trust Discord, but ultimately he could think of no alternative. He held it up to Discord, who eagerly snatched it from him.

"Excellent, excellent!" he mused, tucking it away in a pocket he didn't have until a second prior. "Pleasure doing business with you!"

"And with that taken care of," Tom Nook checked off a task on his mental to-do list, "we have just one more stop before we make our return. Come along, hm?"

Spike followed Nook into the TARDIS without a second thought. "Goodbye!" Discord said happily. Spike tentatively stopped and turned around. "...Bye," he said back before disappearing into the phone box. He figured he could at least try to be polite.

Broshi, on the other hand, silently backed into the vessel pointing two fingers at the deity as if to say "I'm watching you." Discord chuckled softly to himself in response and waved blissfully.

The door closed, and the TARDIS faded into the time vortex. Mere seconds later, a group of ponies and a Kadabra stormed into the garden.

"Discord!" shouted Twilight Sparkle. "You've got some serious explaining to do!"


	49. The Night Blah Went Crazy

Chapter 49: The Night Blah Went Crazy

The Canterlot sculpture garden was silent, and yet hot with the accusatory glares of 6 ponies - Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and even Princess Celestia. Seraphina stood profesionally in the back, not quite as tense as the ponies, but watching Discord carefully nonetheless. Discord, on the other hand, put on as innocent a face as he could.

"Why hello, my little ponies," Discord greeted, feigning ignorance, "What a surprise, running into you here! I'm sorry for wandering off like that, you see, Pinkie and I-"

"We already know what happened!" Rainbow Dash furiously interrupted. "We found her in your room. Dead!"

"D... Dead?!" Discord clasped his hands to his face in an expression of shock, but it was impossible to tell whether or not that was genuine. "Oh my! How did that happen?"

"Most everyone here is fairly certain that you killed her," Seraphina calmly stated.

"Me? Murder Pinkie?" Discord scoffed. "I know I'm not the most benevolent of gods, but I wouldn't sink THAT low... you of all ponies should know that, Celestia."

"You have yet to prove your innocence, Discord," Celestia replied, indifferent. "Until then, you are the prime suspect."

"How absurd!" protested Discord. "What about Blah? Surely he'd agree that the best pony isn't capable of such an evil crime!" He tapped on Sera's head a few times. "And I know you're in there, I heard about what happened."

"Blah is currently unconcsious," Sera responded. "I tucked him away in a recessive corner of my mind, giving him some space to meditate and calm his nerves. He was hit pretty hard by the discovery of Pinkie's death, you know. Anyway, without further ado, let us begin our interrogation with a simple question. Where were you in the past hour?"

"Well, we weren't going to tell you this, buuuuuut..." Discord began. "Pinkie and I snuck out to hit the town. Not literally, of course, but we checked out a few places. She wanted to show me that Canterlot wasn't completely posh and boring."

"You went out in public?" gasped Rarity. "That should have raised quite a fuss. I was also out on the town, you see, and if anypony had caught sight of you, I likely would have heard about it before long."

"But they didn't, because I was in disguise!" explained Discord. He snapped his fingers, and with a quick puff of smoke, his mismatched form was replaced with that of a black-maned, brown unicorn stallion in a light gray suit. His sudden, rather dashing appearance caught Rarity off-guard. "Ta-daa!"

"I see... you would have blended in quite well," observed Sera. "All right, then. When did you and Pinkie separate?"

Discord casually transformed back into his old self, once again startling Rarity. "Oh, I'd say about..." He checked his wrist, which suddenly had a watch around it. "Ten or fifteen minutes ago."

"Aha!" snapped Applejack. "We found Pinkie about half an hour ago. You must be lyin'!"

Discord was taken aback. "What? Half an hour?!"

"Ah, but time may not necessarily matter in this context," Sera suggested. "It has already been established that time travel is possible. The body we found may be from the future, planted here and now to spark conflict."

"And even if Discord could travel through time," added Celestia, "it's doubtful that he would do such a thing knowing that he was alone with Pinkie at the same time. It would only draw suspicion towards himself."

"Well..." Twilight spoke. "There's also the fact that he already influenced the past by giving Blah the Sonic Screwdriver using some kind of proxy. If he can transport objects across time, what's stopping him from doing the same thing with Pinkie? And you know, he could always be trying to use reverse psychology on us."

Rainbow Dash seemed lost at the term. "Uh... reverse what?" she repeated.

"Reverse psychology. It's the act of saying or doing one thing to make someone believe the opposite. He would be trying to make us say 'It's too obvious that he's the murderer, so he couldn't be.'"

"I don't see how that could work on anypony," Rainbow said, still confused. "If it's that obvious, it HAS to be him."

"That certainly sounds like a tactic Discord might employ," Sera agreed with Twilight. "But we still have yet to hear why Pinkie separated from Discord. Perhaps that will make things clearer."

There was silence. "Oh, is it my turn to talk again?" Discord asked sarcastically. "I couldn't tell, what with all of you talking up a storm like that."

"Just answer the question," demanded Applejack.

"You didn't even ask a question!" Discord refuted with a snarky grin, which was only met with impatient stares. "But I'll tell you. You see, Pinkie was... kidnapped!"

"...Kidnapped." Twilight reacted dully. "And you couldn't stop them. Yep, I see no problem with that story at all."

"I'll have you know I was distracted when it happened," Discord defended.

"Don't be ridiculous!" The shouting voice was Blah's. At some point, he had woken up and taken control of Sera's body again, and he was approaching Discord threateningly. "If you weren't aware that she had disappeared, what makes you so sure she was kidnapped? There is no situation in which you could have seen her and not done anything about it. So just admit it already! You killed Pinkie!"

Discord cowered at the ferocity of Blah's accusation. "Et tu, Blah-te?" he uttered. "I thought you trusted me..."

"You thought I trusted YOU?" Blah snapped, raising his voice further. "The only reason I agreed to that deal was because I thought there was no way you could betray us with your freedom at stake! But NO, you had to go and sink lower than you've ever sunk before, beyond what even I thought you capable of!"

"Sera, did you wake Blah up on purpose...?" Twilight asked cautiously. "'Cause it looks like he needed more time to himself..."

_"His emotions are too strong," _Sera responded telepathically. _"I cannot stop him from assuming control..."_

"Can ya really blame him?" Applejack asked. "He's only sayin' what's at the back of all of our minds..."

"Listen, Blah," Discord quickly argued, "Don't you realize this is exactly what Charge wants? If you lose your trust in me, I'm no longer a threat to them!"

"And you're just hiding behind that excuse," Blah snapped. "But I can see right through your trickery, Discord. I don't need your help to beat Charge and you know it!"

The panic on Discord's face showed like a blemish on otherwise flawless skin. It looked very out of place. But Blah didn't seem to care. To him, it only incriminated him further.

Twilight, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. "Discord has a point..." she whispered to herself. "Charge would have a lot to gain by framing him with Pinkie's murder."

_"My thoughts exactly," _Sera replied. _"We have little chance of convincing Blah of that possibility, however. And unfortunately, I cannot detain him."_

"I can win this entire game all by myself if I have to!" Blah roared, paying no attention to Twilight and Sera's conversation.

_"...and, left to his own devices, Blah could very well go on a rampage,' _concluded Sera. _'We must find some way to silence him, for his own good. At least until we have more definitive evidence as to the true culprit."_

"What about the body that Eggman and Tails are working on?" Twilight suggested. "He can't actually use it until it's finished, right?"

"...a Knight of Space is practically DESTINED to work alone!"

_"Perhaps..." _Sera considered. _"Not even Blah in his current state could activate a machine without a power source. Getting him there will be a challenge, though. Blah is all but blocking me from using psionics."_

"I can teleport you to Eggman's lab," Twilight offered. "Maybe that'll be all that you need..."

"...just wait until I hit God Tier, then I'll wreck EVERYTHING!"

_"It is worth a try," _Sera hastily agreed. _"Whenever you are ready."_

Twilight closed her eyes, and her horn started to glow. In a flash of purple light, Sera disappeared, bringing an eerie yet comforting silence to the area.

* * *

><p>"...ok, try it now."<p>

Click. "INITIATING FLIGHT TEST PROGRAM ALPHA." Whirrr.

"Hmm... still a little off-balance. Must be the weight distrubution."

"It's probably that big head of yours."

"Still not as big as your gut, eggy!"

"I thought we were supposed to be working together... come on, let's shut it down and tr-"

"-don't even care WHO you are, YOU'LL be next!"

Blah froze mid-threat, the target of his finger-pointing no longer present. His surroundings had changed abruptly to that of Eggman's lab, where the two engineers were in the middle of testing Metal Tails's flight program while Sonic watched from atop a small stack of boxes serving as a makeshift chair. All three of them stared at the new arrival.

"Sera, what are you doing," Blah angrily questioned.

_"I apologize for interrupting," _Sera explained to the inventors, ignoring Blah, _"but we are in dire need of a new home for our friend Blah."_

"Why, is he feeling ok?" Sonic asked with concern, standing up.

_"There is no time to explain. We need to deposit Blah into the robot early and give him some time to rest."_

"I'm perfectly fine, Sera," Blah urged. "I just need to get into the game and start my quest, and for that I need Metails." He looked up at the flying robot, failing to notice its wobbly course. "Looks like he's already operational, great! Sera, do your thing."

"But we only just started..." Tails interrupted. "We still have a lot of tes-"

"I said DO IT!" yelled Blah. "I don't have any time to waste, I need to get into the medium NOW!"

"Ok, I see what you mean..." Sonic backed off.

_"First, shut down the robot and remove its power source," _Sera instructed. _"We cannot risk setting Blah loose in his current state."_

"What." Blah obviously was not happy with this idea. "Don't you dare."

"Do what Sera says," Sonic ordered Eggman, who cooperatively held up a remote control in preparation.

"Put that down!" cried Blah as he lunged for the remote, but he felt something hold him back. Sonic's reaction time was far superior, and he was able to grab onto both of his arms and keep him restrained. Physically weaker than he was used to, and without the ability to utilize Sera's telekinesis, Blah was helpless, but that didn't keep him from struggling. "Let me go... LET ME GO!"

"Yeesh," Eggman commented, landing and shutting down Metal Tails. "The sooner we can shut him up, the better."

"But if Blah is in control of the robot, how will we finish testing it without waking him up?" Tails asked, afraid to approach either the robot or Blah.

_"Once the soul is contained within a digital medium, transportation of it becomes a simple matter," _Sera explained. _"You will be able to move Blah to a safe location, replace the robot's internal computers, and continue development without a hitch."_

"I can't do anything from inside a box!" Blah shouted, continuing to thrash wildly in Sonic's grip. "I have... to avenge... Pinkie Pie...!"

"Avenge Pinkie Pie, eh?" Eggman repeated. "That just about explains everything. I'd be livid too if something happened to my dear, sweet Rosalina..."

"Why haven't I heard of either of these people...?" Tails muttered.

"Tails, the power source!" Sonic reminded him, finding it more and more difficult to keep Blah from going anywhere.

"O-oh, right, sorry!" Tails grabbed a screwdriver and leaped at Metal Tails, unhinged the back, and carefully removed a sizable power cell. "Got it!"

_"Preparing for transit," _announced Sera.

Blah's struggling intensified further. He was practically willing to dislocate his own arms to get free. They wouldn't be his for long, after all. "Stop! I order you to stop!"

The Kadabra's eyes glowed purple. The air grew heavy. The lights flickered. In an instant, a pulse of high-pressure atmosphere escaped from Sera's being, headed in the direction of Metal Tails. Papers and loose parts were scattered violently about the room.

The pressure was enough to give everyone a headache. Sonic lost hold of Sera, who fell to the ground. Tails was knocked off his feet. Eggman stumbled backwards, clutching his head.

Sera stood, calmly brushing herself off. "The deed is done..."

Sonic went straight for Tails. "Are you ok, buddy?"

"Ugh, my head..." groaned the fox as Sonic helped him to his feet. "I think I'll be fine... I probably shouldn't have stood so close to Metails, though..."

"Yeah, I certainly wasn't expecting such a violent process..." Sonic stood back to make sure Tails would be able to stand on his own. "I'm just glad you're ok!"

"Hang on..." Eggman cut in, his head starting to clear up. "Did you really just call him Metails...?"

"Yeah, so what if I did?" Tails questioned, scratching the side of his head. "It's a pretty clever blend of words, really." Sera stared at him. "What?"

"You seemed quite adverse to the idea the last time it came up," she observed.

"Why is this a big deal all of a sudden...?" Tails questioned as Sera stepped closer. "It's just a play on words. Now, we should really get back to finishing up Metails as quickly as possible..."

"One moment," Sera hushed, closing her eyes. Tails suddenly felt rather claustrophobic.

After a few moments, Sera suddenly opened them again, a look of worry playing across her face. "I was afraid of this..."

"Afraid of what?" Sonic asked, unamused.

Sera stepped back. "During transit, there was a bit of turbulence. Blah's will was so strong, his spirit must have veered off course and targeted the next nearest vessel. In short... we hit the wrong Tails."

"What?!" Sonic looked over at Tails, both of them equally flabbergasted. "Blah, is that you in there?!"

"No! Or at least, I don't think so!" Tails cried hysterically. "What's going on?!"

"The souls of Blah and Tails are now both occupying the same body," Sera explained. "Their consciousnesses should have effectively merged."

"But I don't... FEEL any different," Tails argued, looking down at his hands and body. "I'm still Tails... there's no doubt in my mind."

"The soul does not contain the memories," Sera simplified. "I still have all of his memories in my own brain, as an additional failsafe. Blah has nothing to go on at the moment, and so he believes he is you. Or that is my best guess, at least. I have little experience with this sort of thing... but if I am correct, the only current difference is a minor change in personality or thought processes. It could be much worse, though."

Tails gulped. "How much worse?"

"If there is ever a situation in which your personalities contrast wildly enough, the souls may become aware of each other and try to separate. In an attempt to distinguish each other, they would divide amongst themselves what little resources are available. At that point, you would become mentally unstable. Perhaps even suicidal."

"So what do we do?" Sonic prompted. "This sounds like a ticking time bomb... we can't just leave them like that."

"We could try creating a separate space for each soul to occupy," Sera suggested. "I cannot separate the two souls myself at this time, as I have no influence over them when they are not in the open. However, I believe Tails has the mental capacity to keep them apart; all he will need is a jump start. If I download Blah's memories into Tails's brain, he will become reacquainted with his identity in a controlled and probably harmless manner."

"Ok, but that sounds like a temporary solution at best..." Eggman pointed out. "We need to get Blah back into a body of his own at some point, and I'm not letting all of our hard work go to waste."

"Correct, but it will buy us enough time to figure out how to do that."

"What if it backfires?" Tails protested. "If Blah gets his memories back, we might end up right back where we started..."

"I will have to leave out everything about his relationship with you-know-who," Sera concluded. "We should not say any more. Blah is technically still listening."

"I think he might have a right to know..." Sonic disagreed. "She sounded like she was pretty impo-"

"Shush," Sera interrupted. "If it means retaining our friend's sanity, I would prefer withholding those memories from him. We can return them later when the time is right."

"Well... it seems like our only option," decided Tails. "Let's do it."

"Prepare yourself," warned the Psychic type, and Tails closed his eyes as another flood of images and scenes filled his mind. It was almost too much for one person to process, which was lucky for him because he was actually two people. Or so he tried to believe. He still wasn't quite sure about it, but as the memories piled up, they began to fade almost as fast as they arrived.

_'Aha... hahahaha...' _A voice echoed in Tails's head._ 'It makes so much sense now!'_

_'Blah...?' _Tails echoed back.

_'...Tails?' _The voice sounded exactly like Tails remembered. It was definitely Blah. He seemed surprised to hear Tails's thoughts. _'What are you doing here? Where's Sera?'_

_'You really don't remember what just happened...?' _Tails questioned.

_'I guess not... I feel like I just woke up from a dream. How long was I out?'_

_'Uh... what's the last thing you remember?' _tried Tails.

_'I'm not even really sure. Everything feels like it happened yesterday. Let's see, there was Discord... and Bob... Metails... after that, it's just blank. Where am I?'_

_"Blah, you are now sharing a mind with Tails." _It was a third voice, belonging to Sera. Tails opened his eyes, having nearly forgotten where he was. _"While you were unconscious, I attempted to relocate your soul to Metal Tails. However, I missed."_

"Just like that...?" Tails heard himself say. His head tilted downward, as if of its own accord. "Oh my God I _am_ Tails. And I think that was Blah," Tails added himself, as he reached behind himself and brought forward one tail in each arm, hugging them. "So fluffy... Please stop. I'm sorry, I can't help it..." He went back and forth with himself, burying his face in his tails. Sera, Sonic, and Eggman looked on in bewilderment.

Eggman gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Heh. Called it."

"Please tell me he's not always going to be like this now," Sonic complained.

"Try to be respectful of each other," Sera told them. "Tails cannot restrain you like I could, so you will have to cooperate and share."

"You sound like you're teaching kindergarten," Tails spoke, in a comment that probably came from Blah. It was difficult to tell at this point.

"I am sorry for any inconvenience my mistake may have caused," apologized Sera.

He had let go of his tails and was wagging them experimentally. "Accidents happen. We'll be fine. I hope... I can imagine how confusing this must be for you. So why don't we come up with a cool fusion name? That way, you'll be able to address both of us as one entity when you need to! Yeah, that might not be a bad idea." He had engaged in another one-on-one with himself, changing inflection as if he were actually carrying out both halves of a conversation.

"Oh... kay...?" Sonic said with a shrug. He decided to just give up. "Sure, why not."

"Alright, from now on..." began the fox excitedly. He pre-emptively groaned before continuing. "I'm not Tails. I'm my original character, Blails!"

"...Blails." Sonic repeated dully. "You seriously want us to call you Blails?"

"I don't see anyone else coming up with anything better!" Blails smugly stated. "Although, we're certainly open to suggestions..."

"Knight," Sera said after a few moments of pondering. "For some reason, the word 'knight' sticks out in my mind, as though it would fit Tails as well as it would Blah."

"I don't know about that... but I'm ok with it!" Knight seemed quite satisfied with his new nickname. "Genius meets willpower, a tag team of two powerful minds, it's Knight the Fox! Including 'the Fox' at the end makes it sound authentic," he added. "Yeah, that was pretty much all Blah."

"Since that is out of the way," Sera addressed, "there is something important I must tell you, Blah." Knight snapped to attention. "While you were asleep, we found the deceased body of Pinkie Pie. She had apparently been murdered, and the primary suspect is Discord."

Sonic and Eggman flinched at the bluntness of Sera's statement after all that build-up about keeping her a secret, but Blah's reaction (at least, they were pretty sure it was Blah) was not quite what they expected - it was confusion rather than anger. "What?" He blinked. "Sera, I appreciate you trying out some humor for once, but jokes aren't usually that morbid."

"It was not a joke," Sera stated. "Pinkie is dead. The other ponies are investigating her murder as we speak. Most of them are positive that Discord is the culprit."

"Ok, that can't be right," Blah denied. "I mean, it's not like you can trust the guy as far as you could throw him, but Discord would never resort to MURDER..."

"Which is one of the reasons I believe it may not have been him," Sera continued. "Charge, or one of his accomplices, could have easily done it in order to frame Discord and prevent us from willfully siding with him. At this point, however, both suspects have equally logical motivations."

"Man... Why Pinkie though...?" The news had finally sunk in, and he stared off into space. "She was always so cheerful and optimistic..."

Blah seemed to be treating the tragedy as if Pinkie were an acquaintance or a relatively new friend rather than a love interest, which was a relief for everyone else.

"It is obvious that whoever killed her, they wanted to cause as much chaos as possible," Sera pointed out. "Unfortunately, that does not make the killer any more obvious. Causing chaos would be the perfect way to establish Discord as the most likely suspect, as would be Charge's goal..."

"Ugh, I wish I could help with the investigation," Blah said, "but that'd mean keeping Tails from working... Hey, that's up to you. All that work is for you, after all, and it's not like we can get you into the robot now without first figuring out how to remove your soul from my body... yeah, that's true. Maybe Sera can work on that while we're out. And having you around can't be a bad thing. Two heads are better than one, even if it's still technically one head! What do you mean 'having me around'? You're the one who's borrowing, here. You know what I mean! Give me a break, I'm still getting used to the concept of mind-sharing. I think I'm starting to understand how Omega Blah felt."

"Knight's arguing with himself again..." Sonic sighed.

"I will teleport you to Canterlot so you can focus on the investigation," offered Sera, approaching Knight.

"Actually... can we fly there instead?" the fox begged. "Why would we ever fly when we can just teleport? You can have your joyride later... Jeez, Tails, so impatient. Just because someone was murdered doesn't mean we can't stop and smell the roses once in a while. Wow, whose jokes are morbid now?"

Without saying another word, Sera hastily grabbed Knight's hand and blinked out of the lab. She was slightly starting to regret giving Blah his memories back.

* * *

><p><strong>You have no idea how happy I am that I was able to find an actual appropriate context for that line.<strong>

**Please suppress your urges to hunt me down and inflict physical harm upon me until after I finish the story. :L**


	50. Defusing the Drama Bomb

Chapter 50: Defusing the Drama Bomb

"So what is it with that Discord guy, anyway?" Broshi leaned on one of the railings around the control center of the TARDIS as Tom Nook calmly piloted it. "Not wanting to demonstrate his powers, then hurrying the meeting along... The way he talked, it sounded like he was hiding from someone."

"I'm not sure," Tom answered. "All I know is that he contacted me shortly after I arrived in this universe. He told me everything I know about this universe as well, including who will be playing in its SBURB session and how to ensure that they all enter in due time. And, of course, we set up the meeting that we just had."

Spike sat up suddenly. "Oh, I can't believe I didn't think about it before, but... I thought the Elements of Harmony were supposed to be watching him..."

"The what of who?" Broshi questioned.

"Six ponies who each wield one of the... well, the Elements of Harmony!" Spike replied enthusiastically. "They're all about the magic of friendship. Let's see, there's Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty, Honesty, and of course, Generosity..." He paused for a moment, staring wistfully off into space in the memory of a certain white unicorn. "Put them all together and you get Magic!"

"Hah, figures that the ponies would have some kind of magical friendship powers," Broshi laughed. "And I didn't think Ponyville could be any more childish. It's like... the perfect setting for a pop-up book."

Spike was visibly offended by this, but Nook spoke before he could retaliate. "That's an ironic thing for a Yoshi to say," he pointed out. "Three words: 'Super Happy Tree'. Hoho!"

Nook and Spike shared a good laugh at that. "Super Happy Tree?" Spike repeated. "What does that grow, smiling fruit?"

Broshi groaned. He had a feeling that thing would be used against him at some point. "So what if it does? I think we have more important things to talk about." He waited for the dragon and raccoon's laughter to die down. "Now, you were saying Discord was supposed to be under someone's watch?"

"Yeah, he once threw all of Equestria into chaos... it took all of the Elements to seal him away. We had to free him again so that he could give Blah that screwdriver, but only under the Elements' supervision." Spike's worry manifested as a chill running slowly down his spine. "So... if we found him alone... and he looked like he was hiding..."

"This sounds like the kind of thing you should have picked up on earlier," scolded Broshi.

"Hey, I was distracted by Discord being there in the first place..." Spike defended. "And it's not like we could've done anything about it anyway. ...or could we?" He began to form an idea in a fit of desperation. "Can't we, like, go back in time or something and warn somepony?"

"Wow, he even said 'somepony'..." muttered Broshi.

"We could," Nook responded, "But I'm afraid that doing so will drive us into a doomed timeline. Time is a fragile thing, you know! Whatever happens happens, but just remember that in the end, it will all have been worth it."

"Well... I sure hope so," said Spike. "...how do you know when you're in a doomed timeline?"

"Everyone starts dying," Broshi stated bluntly. "In the timeline Charge sent us from, everyone on Earth died except for Blah and Tails."

"...yes, that is correct," Nook affirmed, "although I would have worded it differently..."

"So as long as everyone's still alive, we're ok?" Spike asked.

Tom Nook said nothing. He simply worked the controls of the TARDIS, prompting the familiar grinding noise as it came to a halt. "We're here."

* * *

><p>Knight and Seraphina arrived back at the Canterlot sculpture garden, both of them still somewhat disgruntled. They immediately noticed that Discord was gone, and that only Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were still on the scene. Twilight ceased her pacing back and forth as soon as she noticed the Kadabra and the fox.<p>

"Sera, thank goodness you're back," she greeted, running up to her with the other two mares close behind. "How did it go?"

"I have no time to explain," Sera said tersely. "Our friend here will fill you in on the details. I must be going."

"Hey, wai-" Twilight attempted to stop her, but she had already disappeared. Twilight sighed. "Ok then..." She turned to Knight. "Tails, I presume?"

_'I'll handle this, if you don't mind,' _Tails told Blah inside his head.

_'Fine by me,' _allowed Blah. _'I could use an excuse to kick back and watch for a bit.'_

"Yes and no," Tails answered Twilight. "Basically, there was an accident and now Blah's in here instead." He tapped his head. "We have to share control of my body now, and it can get confusing, so you can just call us Knight."

"I see," Twilight replied, deciding that there was very little at this point that could surprise her.

"Will Blah be all right, then?" Rarity asked. "Is he conscious?"

"I am, and he is," Knight doubly confirmed. "Yeah, I did say it could get confusing. Just pretend we're the same person, and you'll be fine. Unless you need to talk to one of us directly."

"Well shoot, Blah," Applejack addressed sympathetically, "Sorry for all you've been through lately. I know it must be hard, cause it sure is for us..."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Knight dismissed. "We've got more important things to think about, like who killed her and why."

_'Did you just answer for me?'_ questioned Blah. _'She was talking to me, you know.'_

_'Yeah, well... they don't know the difference,' _Tails argued. Blah could feel the nervousness in his thoughts. _'Just relax, ok? We can get through this if we work together, and don't forget that "working together" means that I get to contribute too.'_

Blah guessed that Tails was dancing around the subject a bit. Something felt a bit off about the situation, but he decided to let it go for now.

"Yeah, well, speaking of which..." Twilight stepped forth, "We haven't found anything new yet, mostly because we were waiting for Sera to get back... Princess Celestia, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy went back to the castle to keep an eye on Discord, so it's just the four... er, five of us now."

"So let's start by summarizing all that we know," tried Knight. "Maybe we'll find something that stands out."

"Pinkie entered Discord's room at around 5:30, I think," Twilight began. "We didn't hear a peep from her room for the next thirty minutes, until you arrived somewhere around 6, at which point we decided to check on them. That's when we opened the door and..." She had to take a moment to breathe, the unsettling image springing to her mind. "...discovered the body. It was under a table in the front of the room. The cause of death was a single stab wound to the back, made by a bladed instrument. According to Sera, there were no signs of a struggle or traces of blood anywhere in the room, implying that she had been stabbed under the table and that the death was instant."

She paused again, making sure everyone had those details in mind, then continued. "We'd spent 5 or 10 minutes examining the scene. We left shortly afterward to find Discord, which we did around 20 minutes later here in the garden. He claimed that he and Pinkie had been out on the town, with him in disguise, until she was apparently kidnapped 10 or 15 minutes prior to us finding Discord. Even though the body had been discovered shortly before that." She sighed. "And that's all we know so far."

"Man, this would be an open and shut case if time travel wasn't a thing," lamented Knight. "I mean, the alleged time of kidnapping would be a clear contradiction. And we know that Discord himself can't time travel, but Pinkie could, potentially. For all we know, our current Pinkie is still alive somewhere, and the one we found was from the future or something. Maybe even an alternate timeline."

"That's right, dear, stay optimistic," encouraged Rarity.

"What I'm curious about, though..." continued Knight, more or less ignoring her, "is what Pinkie did when you saw her last. If she escaped with Discord as he claims, she probably knew about it or even came up with the idea in the first place, which means maybe there's a clue in her prior actions."

"Ah, good thinking," Twilight complimented. "The rest of us were huddled, trying to figure out what to do with Discord, when Pinkie came into the room. She said, and I quote, 'Heeeeey everypony! I'm going to go hang out with Discord for a while, so don't worry your pretty little heads, kay? We shouldn't have to bother each other for a good long while!' And then... she winked at me. And left."

"Yes, now that you mention it," Rarity remarked, "that does sound like Pinkie may have been planning on sneaking out."

"She winked at you in particular, you say?" Knight prompted.

"Yeah... or at least, she looked at me when she did it." Twilight shrugged. "I thought that was just Pinkie being her usual quirky self. Do you think it meant anything?"

"Quite possibly," Knight assured. "You can't overlook even the tiniest detail in a murder case."

"So if she winked at you, that'd mean you knew something, Twi," Applejack suggested. "Probably the fact that they were gonna run off."

"I doubt there was anything I could have said or did to plant that idea in her head," Twilight said, looking up in thought.

"Well, we ALSO know that Discord can disguise himself," Knight reminded them. "Put two and two together, and..."

"He disguised himself as me and suggested that Pinkie sneak out with him," Twilight guessed. "Wow. If that weren't the keystone of a murder plan, I'd think that was actually kind of clever."

"But if his plan was to get her out of the castle," Rarity brought up, "why would he leave the body in his own room for all to discover? He would have had the perfect opportunity to hide her."

"So it's obvious that the murderer wanted the body to be discovered," Knight concluded.

"Which would make it easy for Discord to be given the blame..." Twilight followed up. "However, he could still be using reverse psychology... I can't think of any other way he could feasibly pin the crime on Charge."

"So let me get this straight," began Knight. "Discord disguised himself as you to convince Pinkie to take him out of the castle, then killed her and pulled some kind of time shenanigans to transport the body back to his room. And this was all so that it'd look like he was being framed by Charge or someone. So why take her out of the castle at all? He could just invite her into his room and kill her like that, then sneak out by himself under a disguise."

"Except the guards were told to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity," Twilight answered. "We knew that Discord could very well try to pull something like that. He probably needed Pinkie in order to fool them. Though I'm not even sure how he managed that when they knew that all six of the Elements were needed around him at all times."

"I could see it happening," Rarity said. She cleared her throat, putting on her best Pinkie impression. "'The Princess said it was ok for me to head out which is great because we're like SUPER bored so I brought a friend and we're gonna do some sightseeing ok bye!'" Her voice strained as she ran out of breath near the end, and she inhaled deeply as she finished. "Something like that, and then she would leave before the guards even had a chance to respond. But they wouldn't think much of it, because Pinkie wouldn't lie to them, right?"

"Good point," Twilight commented, impressed at the accuracy of Rarity's imitation.

"Ok, forget trying to solve this ourselves," Knight surrendered. "There's just too much that could work either for him or against him. But there is one person who knows exactly what happened and would be willing to tell us, and that's Pinkie Pie herself." There was silence, as none of the others caught on to where he was going. "Soooo, if we were to prototype Pinkie into a sprite, we could ask her ourselves." Still more silence. "Basically, the game of SBURB gives you a sprite thing which you can 'prototype' with an object or being, living or dead, and they become the sprite. It's sort of a way to cheat death."

"...What." Twilight gawked. "Why didn't you tell us this sooner?! We could have continued to focus on getting you guys into the game..."

"Well..." Knight looked away. "It's not exactly a fate I would wish upon anyone. They kinda become tasked with being your guide, aren't fully tangible, and usually can't go far from the player's house. And if the prototype is made before entry, some of the underlings take on the appearance and traits of the object or being. If after entry, that doesn't happen, but we can't skip the pre-entry prototyping because prototyping is what gives Skaia its form and makes the game winnable. So Pinkie would have to combine with whatever we first prototyped with."

There was yet more silence. "...You lost even ME on that one, Blah," said Tails finally.

"Ok, in short, we have to prototype before entry to win, and if we don't want to fight a bunch of Pinkie-esque monsters, we have to prototype her after entry which will combine her form with that of the first prototype. I don't know if she'll be okay with either of those things, let alone being a sprite in general."

"Well..." Rarity said, "I think I can confidently say that Pinkie Pie would like nothing more than to be with you again, Blah."

_'...What is she talking about?' _Blah thought, unsure how to respond.

"I-I think you're right," Tails answered for Blah again, faltering slightly. "If there's a chance to bring her back, we'll take it."

_'Ok, what the heck,' _Blah complained. _'Did I miss something important? Why is Pinkie interested in me all of a sudden?'_

_'Uh... She...' _Tails reprimanded himself for not seeing this coming. He wasn't sure if he could come up with a convincing lie at this point, and he didn't want to risk Blah becoming crazy again.

"Blah?" Rarity queried. "Or... Knight, I think it was? You look troubled. Are... both of you all right in there?"

_'Spit it out already,' _Blah demanded. _'What really happened while I was out?'_

Tails sighed, unaware that the gesture was noticable by everyone else. Perhaps he could afford to tell the truth, now that the idea of reviving Pinkie was plausible. _'Well, Blah, you don't currently have... ALL of your memories.'_

_'Go on,' _Blah requested, becoming less patient.

_'You and Pinkie were... a couple, apparently.' _His heart rate started to quicken as adrenaline coursed through his system, though he was unsure whose instincts triggered it. Regardless, it made Tails quite uneasy._ 'A-and because you thought Discord killed her, you went crazy. You were irrational. So Sera had to cut those memories out so that you'd cooperate.'_

"What's happenin' to them?" Applejack questioned with concern, watching the external signs of Knight's internal argument play out.

"I guess they're talking to each other mentally..." Twilight replied. "Not much we can do about it..."

_'You made me forget about someone I loved just so that I would calm down...' _Blah wasn't sure what to feel. _'There are better ways to calm people down, you know...'_

_'Well, it wasn't my idea!' _Tails hastily defended. _'That was all Sera. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think you would have listened to reason at that point either.'_

Blah was silent. The thought of what their relationship could have been tormented him. If a loved one is lost, their memory is the only thing left of them, and taking that away from someone... making it like they never happened... could that really be justified? Was it any different from the act of murder?

His thoughts were heard by Tails, and he began to wonder the same thing. Horrid feelings crept through him as he contemplated how he could have just let such a thing happen.

The idea occurred to Blah to storm back into Eggman's lab and demand his memories back from Sera, but something nearby told him to reconsider. The act would be no different than the rampage that Sera went to such extreme measures to prevent in the first place. Blah denied this voice of reason at first, thinking that he had every right to go crazy after all that he had been forced through. But what would that really accomplish, the voice asked. He'd be putting his own emotions and desires above the safety of innocent lives. Although Sera may not know how best to deal with drama, she does know how best to facilitate the saving of the universe, and that's what matters the most in the end. And, with him realizing that, Sera would probably give him all of his memories back anyway.

_'...Ok, Tails,' _Blah gave in. _'You got me. I can forgive Sera. Me going insane would be even worse.'_

_'That... that wasn't me,' _Tails denied, impressed at Blah's thought processes. _'You came to that decision on your own...'_

_'...oh. Well then, glad I can still rely on my common sense! Not that I don't trust you, I mean...' _Blah added nervously.

_'It's ok,' _Tails understood. _'I was almost ready to give up, myself... In my experience, you're not exactly the most stable person ever.''_

_'Man, will you forget about Angel Island already? That was, like, 30 chapters ago.'_

_'Chapters? In what book?'_

_'The book of... life, I guess? I dunno, I was just trying to make a joke! Anyway, we have a few concerned ponies here...'_

_'Okay then...'_

Knight cleared his throat, causing all three of the spectating mares to jump. "Sorry about that, just had a bit of a... domestic disturbance, I guess you could call it. But that's all settled."

"Was Blah about to go all hog wild again?" asked Applejack.

"...Pretty much, yeah," he admitted. "We squashed that problem once and for all, though!"

"Good to hear," Twilight praised. "Now, about Pinkie..."

"Right, well..." Knight thought for a bit. "I still can't decide whether to prototype her before or after entry, but that decision's not going to matter if I, er, Blah, doesn't get into the game. And I don't think I can bring Tails with me. Why not, is there anything stopping us from going together? Well, probably not, but SBURB is a major investment and I'd be taking up pretty much all of your time. You'd still like to be able to do other things, right? Well, sure, but if it can't be helped, it can't be helped. What would I even do on my own, anyway? It's not like Eggman can give us any more trouble. True, but Charge can. Two heads may be better than one, but we have a lot of enemies, so don't you think we should divide and conquer?"

"My, my..." Rarity uttered to herself. "He's just... talking to himself. This will certainly take some getting used to."

"Tell me about it," Sera responded. She had returned at some point during Knight's self-conversation, and her sudden announcement caught everyone off guard.

"Sera, there you are!" Knight stopped talking for a moment. "Did you find anything out?"

"I had the foresight to keep a backup of all of your knowledge of the multiverse," Sera began. "I searched those databanks for anyone who might know a little more about souls, and I came up with one person: Professor Elvin Gadd of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"E. Gadd!" Knight repeated. "Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of him..." He paused. "Wait, I thought he was a expert on ghosts... are ghosts the same as souls?"

"As far as I know, there is some overlap," Sera answered. "Chances are, this professor may be able to shed some light on the subject."

"And then suck it up with a vacuum," joked Knight. He could practically hear the crickets. "It's funny because he invented a vacuum cleaner that sucks up ghosts, and you shine a light on them first... and you know, explaining the joke doesn't help make it funny." He sighed. "Whatever. Anyway, that sounds like a great idea. Let's go find E. Gadd. Please."

* * *

><p>"I think I've heard enough from you. Just tell me where my son is already so I can talk to him myself."<p>

Swift Star's patience was wearing thin, although by this point it lead more to exhaustion than anger. Hailstorm sighed for the umpteenth time, unable to find an answer to his questions that was both believable and truthful.

"Well, he's..." Hail searched the sky, as if he expected the clouds to spell out the answer for him. Running out of ideas, he decided to give him a straight and simple answer and hope for the best. "He's in Canterlot."

"Ok, good, now we're getting somewhere," Swift said, somewhat satisfied. "Now, I can't head all the way up there since I'm technically still on the job, but can't you ring him up on that... doohickey of yours?"

Hail looked down at his tablet, staring at the Pesterchum window. Blah's account was online, at least. He figured it was worth a shot. "Well, I can't guarantee we'll reach him right now, but I can try..."

However, just before he could initiate the message, a box popped up. Someone had messaged him first.

- desultoryMonarch [DM] began pestering hailStorm [HS] -

DM: hey hail, whatever you're doing, you need to drop it  
>DM: this is important<p>

Hail blinked. Apparently, by sheer coincidence, Blah needed to contact him about something as well. Hail played along. "Looks like I got him."

"Great, give me that thing," Swift ordered, approaching. "I need as close to a direct father-son chat as possible."

"Uh... one moment," Hail held back the computer, typing out his own response.

HS: sorry but so is the thing im doing  
>HS: your dad is here he wants to talk to you<br>DM: ugh, really?  
>DM: I don't have time to talk to my fake dad. or, I should say, YOU don't have time for me to talk to him.<br>DM: a meteor is falling on your position as we speak. you need to enter the game right now.  
>DM: go back to your house, I'll connect as your server<br>HS: what  
>HS: did you get all that stuff sorted out already<br>DM: yes and no.  
>DM: you're talking to blah from the future<br>DM: you may have already seen me helping you guys out here and there  
>DM: and now, since my past self is preoccupied at the moment, it's my job to get you in<br>HS: dont you want to at least tell him the truth  
>HS: hes worried sick about you and ive tried to tell him that youre really blah but he doesnt believe me<br>DM: give him a rest already, will you? I stopped caring about him long ago.  
>DM: just please go to your house so we can save the god dang universe already<br>DM: and also so you don't die, that's kind of important too

Hail had been watching the screen so intently that he failed to notice Swift looking over his shoulder, reading along. "Is that really him?" he spoke, causing the winter pony to jump. Hail turned and nodded softly. "So all that stuff you said was true?" Hail nodded again. Swift faced away and took a few steps, his head bowed. "So I'm his 'fake dad' now... Did all those years mean nothing to him...?" Although Hail could not see his face, he was certain that the stallion was starting to break into tears. As the Rogue had predicted, Swift's denial had simply been a defense mechanism to mask his sorrow.

Hail could do nothing but turn back to his computer and confront Blah.

HS: blah he can read what youre saying  
>HS: i think you seriously hurt him<br>DM: our relationship is not going to matter in a few minutes when both of you are nothing but a smoking crater in the ground.  
>DM: sorry to say, but on my priority list, swift takes second to carrying on the chain and getting these universes back in order.<br>DM: you've got 10 minutes, bucko. move that colorful rear end of yours.

Hail bit his lip. As urgent as the game was, he figured that Blah would at least be a little less harsh on the stallion who had been his father figure for the past two decades, especially after showing as much compassion as he did with Twilight regarding Spike. However, as he had learned on numerous occasions lately, drama was an obstacle best avoided, lest it waste precious time.

And yet, Hail couldn't ignore the other pegasus. His usual image of a proud, assertive pony was now distorted before him, and he felt partially responsible. There was no telling when he'd see him again after entering the Medium. So, he began to form an idea. Compromising seemed to be his strong suit lately, so he decided to give it another shot.

HS: okay but on one condition  
>HS: swift is coming with me into the medium and after were in you owe him an explanation<br>HS: and an apology  
>DM: fine. let's make it a party.<br>DM: as long as you enter in time, everything will be just peachy.

Hailstorm, satisfied that he had made some progress at least, put down the tablet and turned to his broken boss. "Swift..." he addressed, putting a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to... experience that. Things are just really complicated right now, and Blah's probably not at his best. If you come with me, I'll bring us both into the medium, and when that's done, you can talk to him right away. I'm sure you'll be able to patch things up then."

At Hail's words, Swift exhaled audibly, regathering himself to his authoritative air as best as he could before he turned around. "Let's do it. I just want to get to the bottom of this."

* * *

><p><strong>Man, if I were Hailstorm, I'd punch future me in the face. Except it'd be more of a kick because I'd have hooves and it's over a chat so it'd have to be an insult or something, which makes the punchkick thing irrelevant anyway. So I'd probably end up punchkicking present me on his behalf next time I see me/him.**

**...did I really just explore a hypothetical situation in which I'd strike myself in the face?**

**Oh well. Since I'm here, I'd like to wish you all a preemptive happy Halloween! Yes I know next Friday is closer to October 31st, but then it'd be a belated wish and I hate being late.**

**I should probably also consider not typing author's notes at 2 in the morning.**


	51. Service with a Smile

Chapter 51: Service with a Smile

Hailstorm readily opened the door to his high-altitude cloud house, breathing in the comforting cool air from within. It had been a long time since he had last set foot inside his own modest residence, and feeling his carefully-constructed cloud-based cooling system at work brought back a wave of confidence and vigor. Hail was prepared to finally accomplish something meaningful.

Swift Star, on the other hand, shivered, his wings contracting for warmth. "Jeez, Hail," he complained, "I know you're a winter pegasus, but I always thought houses were for _escaping _the elements, not embracing them..."

"I like it cold, okay?" Hail defended. "It's... calming. Purifying, even. Anyway, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to deal with it... Sir."

"Argh, forget the 'sir'," Swift sighed, hopping onto a sofa and curling up. "Just hurry up and do... whatever it is you gotta do."

Hail booted up the client program on his device, and no sooner had he done so than he had received a message indicating a server connection. _'Wow, he's really on the ball with this...' _thought Hail. His Pesterchum pinged at him while the loading sequence was playing.

DM: go ahead and find something to prototype, I don't really care what it is  
>DM: as long as it's not something stupid like yourself or swift<p>

"That's right, I completely forgot about that..." Hail muttered as he looked around the room frantically. "What do I even have..." Living alone, he had never really thought about collecting things with which to decorate his house, so his front room was mostly bare save for the furniture and a few candles.

"What are you looking for?" Swift asked impatiently.

"An object to prototype the kernelsprite with..." Hail answered, though Swift's inquisitive glare reminded him that he probably had no idea what that meant. "Er, there's this... ball thing that needs to be given one, uh, item. I don't quite get it myself, but apparently it's a very important step, and doing it wrong can screw everything up."

The cursor dropped the Cruxtruder behind him as he spoke, causing Swift to perform a double take. Hail followed his gaze to the machine, quickly getting over the size of it, and hovered to the same level as the lid. He gave it a solid kick, popping it open and releasing the purple kernelsprite from within. "This ball," Hail indicated.

"O... kay," Swift acknowledged, staring at the sprite. The sprite stared back.

Hail searched his saddlebags for something to use. At this point, it was mostly filled with his old crossbows and various bolts, but at the very bottom, he found a clump of blue slime gel.

"Huh, I must've picked this up a long time ago and forgot about it..." commented Hail. "I think this'll work..." He tossed the gel into the sprite, where it took on the semi-spherical shape of a slime. Swift continued to stare at the slime sprite, confused about its new shape.

DM: interesting choice  
>DM: I've already put the other two machines upstairs, and the card<br>DM: so you should probably get on that  
>DM: and don't forget the totem from the cruxtruder<br>HS: got it

Carefully turning the wheel as he had seen Beats do, a smooth purple cylinder slid out of the top of the Cruxtruder. He carried it upstairs, leaving Swift and the sprite to their staring contest. A few moments passed, and the sprite decided that it should probably be watching Hail finish the entry process. Swift followed it upstairs to see what all the fuss was about.

Hailstorm proceeded to go through the motions, carving his totem and placing it on the alchemiter. In a flash, a sparkling magenta cloud formed above the device, showering crystalized snow over the center, which accumulated into the shape of an earth pony.

"That's... actually kind of neat," Hail commented, admiring the glittering snow sculpture. "Too bad I have to wreck it."

Swift was on the verge of questioning why that was necessary, but he saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. Craning his head, he saw the cursor dragging something towards the unwary sprite. It was a human corpse! Nobody he recognized, but combined with the fact that this was happening behind Hail's back, Swift could sense that something very wrong was going on.

Rather than sitting back, or even warning Hail verbally, his instinct kicked in and he dove for the corpse, kicking it out of the cursor's hold.

The noise caught Hail's attention, but only after he had initiated a kick to the snowpony's head. Separating the head from the body, a bright light began to shine...

...and faded. The results of his endeavor were not immediately obvious, but Hail was more interested in the strange noises behind him. Turning around, he saw someone he certainly didn't expect to see again. Mefirst, in exactly the same condition he last witnessed the mailman. Dead, and full of bolts. Swift stood over the corpse, panting heavily.

"What the..." Hail uttered.

The other pegasus glanced at him. "Your so-called partner tried to proto-whatever the sprite thing with this dead human behind your back," he explained. "Something told me letting that happen would have been a bad idea."

"Y-you're probably right..." Hail slowly agreed, still staring at the cold afterimage of his handiwork. He barely managed to pull away, shakily bringing out his computer.

HS: blah whats going on why is mefirst here  
>DM: I brought him here<br>HS: why  
>DM: well, the original plan was to prototype him.<br>HS: why in celestias name would you want to do that  
>DM: I didn't think a slime sprite alone would be very helpful<br>DM: so I thought you'd appreciate if I added a sentient being to the mix.  
>DM: mefirst only seemed fitting and he was just kinda laying around, so<br>HS: do you not remember anything from that fight  
>HS: mefirst would be a terrible guide and id hate every second of it<br>DM: hey man, I don't see any other corpses around here  
>DM: or ANYTHING, really. unless you want to prototype swift, and I highly doubt either of you would be ok with that.<br>DM: just look at your sprite. it's basically just a hunk of mindless ectoplasmic ooze.

Hail turned to the sprite. It was exactly what his server player described - an amorphous, translucent bubble, hovering around Hail with primitive curiosity and making occasional sloshing noises.

After a few moments of thought, Hail decidedly returned to his computer to stamp out another message.

HS: still not as annoying as mefirst  
>DM: lol.<br>HS: and i dont think i even need a competent sprite guide  
>HS: i have you dont i<br>DM: true, true  
>DM: ok, fine, we don't have to prototype him<br>DM: you can just talk to me for everything, I guess.  
>HS: if i ever need you theres a good chance at least one of you will be around right<br>DM: shrug.  
>DM: I wouldn't count on it, but you might be able to get by.<br>HS: ok and now that all of that is over  
>HS: i promised swift youd be able to talk to him<br>DM: eh, fine, put him on

Hail handed the computer to Swift. "He's ready to talk to you now."

Swift stared at the tablet apprehensively. "Do I really have to touch every letter one-by-one on that thing just to talk to him? Seems counter-productive if you ask me."

"Yeah, typing is a pain..." sympathized Hail. "I think we can do a video chat, though. To be honest, I'm not sure why we don't just do that all the time anyway."

"Anything's better than tap dancing each sentence," Swift accepted.

HS: hed rather do a video chat instead is that ok  
>DM: unfortunately I'm a bit too busy for that at the moment<br>HS: you seem to be pretty focused on this conversation what could you possibly be doing  
>DM: important future stuff, you wouldn't understand.<br>DM: not until you're older, that is.  
>HS: wouldnt a video call leave your hands free to do whatever it is youre doing<br>DM: believe me when I say that typing is more convenient for what I'm doing than hosting a video call.

"Doesn't look like that's going to happen," Hail announced glumly to Swift. "If it'll be any easier, you can just dictate to me what you wa-"

"I want this to just be between family," Swift interrupted impatiently. "I hate to break it to you, but you're not family." He took another look at the computer and scowled. "And furthermore, I want this to be face-to-face! How am I supposed to know this is really my son I'm talking to here? Right now, he's just... words! And if that's really your trusted friend, why did he try to mess up your little process, and behind your back, I might add?"

"He was only looking out for me!" Hail violently defended in a tone that caught Swift off-guard. "I've known Blah for quite a while now, and he might act out of place or do some stuff that seems sketchy at first, but his number one priority is making sure everyone is safe and comfortable in the end. Sure, his methods are sometimes questionable, but nobody's perfect. The only thing that matters is that he's doing them for us."

Although Swift understood that Hail was standing up for his friend, something still felt off about the situation and he wasn't about to let that slide either. "That does sound like Light, what you just said," Swift acknowledged, "but that doesn't explain why he's so reluctant to talk to me. There's a clear contradiction here. If he's so interested in keeping everyone 'safe and comfortable', why was he so harsh on me earlier? 'Cause if my son secretly hated me, then he would've gotten his cutie mark a long time ago. For acting."

Hail looked away, the repercussions of aggressing his boss suddenly making themselves known. But, more prominently, the thought that his current server player might not really be the Blah he knew disturbed him greatly. Swift had a point. Blah's behavior was clearly different. Does something happen in the future that causes a severe change in Blah's attitude? Or was someone impersonating him? Was Hailstorm's life in the hands of an enemy?

Hail turned to his computer again. He had to make sure whether this was Blah or someone completely different, and he had a good idea of how to do that.

HS: can you at least answer a question  
>DM: what kind of question?<br>HS: regarding the murder of pinkie pie  
>HS: youre from the future you must know by now who did it<br>DM: well, what did you expect? it was discord, obviously.  
>DM: there really was no way it couldn't have been him.<br>HS: oh  
>HS: that must have been a shock to find out the best pony is actually a murderer<br>DM: I know right? and to think I was willing to defend him to the end.  
>HS: after he turned you back into a human even i was willing to give him a chance<br>DM: I have to admit, I didn't expect him to cooperate so unconditionally  
>DM: too bad it was only an act to earn our trust.<br>HS: yeah that was so unlike him it really should have tipped me off sooner  
>HS: maybe this whole thing could have been avoided if i caught on<br>HS: man im really sorry  
>DM: don't worry about it, he made fools of us all, myself included<br>DM: if I hadn't missed my old human self so much, I might have noticed something was fishy  
>DM: but whatever, that much has happened already<br>DM: if there's one important piece of future advice I can pass along, it's to detain discord as soon as possible.

Just as Hail suspected, this "DM" had not even witnessed their first meeting with Discord, let alone experienced it. He was fairly sure that Blah would not have called an involuntary sex change "unconditional cooperation". Or his "old human self".

"Yep," sighed Hail. "It's not him. It can't be."

"You see what I mean?" Swift replied without skipping a beat, both relieved and triumphant. "No son of mine would talk to me like that."

Hail considered continuing to play along with whoever it was, as getting on the bad side of someone with control over his surroundings was not a very good idea, but a ping from his tablet informed him that the imposter was already one step ahead. Gulping, he looked down at the screen again, suddenly regretting all of his choices up to this point.

DM: So you figured it out, huh.  
>DM: You're more clever than I gave you credit for, Hailstorm.<br>HS: who are you  
>DM: I suppose there's no point in keeping my identity a secret, since I'm already your server player.<br>DM: I'm Charge. Not that you couldn't have come to that conclusion on your own.  
>DM: And no point in using Blah's account anymore either.<p>

Hail began to feel nausious. Charge had managed to worm his way into influencing the session after all, and the pegasus had been an unwilling accomplice. They could very well have lost the game already, all because he fell for it.

A second window popped up on his computer - a pester from moderatingDischarge.

MD: This is the part where I'd kill you if I could.  
>MD: Unfortunately, you've already entered the medium and killing you now would lead to a doomed timeline.<br>MD: As for the other pegasus, however, he will only prove to be an annoyance. Say your goodbyes.  
>HS: dont hurt him he has nothing to do with this<br>MD: Hey, you should be grateful. Most employees would jump at the idea of having their boss killed.  
>MD: But you're too good for that. I'll just have to prevent you from stopping me.<p>

By the time Hail unfurled his wings to spring into action, a pitch darkness enveloped him, barely illuminated by the light of his computer screen. Charge had trapped him inside a hollow box.

_'This can't be happening,' _thought Hail as he heard muffled shouting and scuffling from outside. He backed up against one of the sides, leaping off of it and ramming the opposite side as hard as he could. Whatever this material was, it was fairly rigid, and he couldn't tell if he was making any progress through it, but he had to keep trying. He couldn't let Charge take anything else from him.

He rammed the wall a second time. A third time. His muscles and joints ached, and the wall remained as solid as ever. As he wound back for attempt number four, he stopped as he noticed how silent it had gotten. _'Oh no... I hope I'm not too late...'_

An electronic noise broke the silence, causing Hail to bump his head against the ceiling. Charge had messaged him again.

MD: Hm, it seems none of your friends lack determination.  
>MD: Whatever, I can live with it. No good scheme is without a plan B.<br>HS: what happened  
>MD: See for yourself.<p>

The box disappeared, and the sudden surge of light forced Hail to shield his eyes. As he re-adjusted, the world coming back into focus, he saw a solitary shape hovering in front of him. This shape failed to focus with the rest of the environment, but upon closer inspection, that turned out to be because the shape was not entirely consistent. Or opaque.

Hail finally recognized the shape as Swift Star, whose back half had been replaced with a ghostly tail. The rest of him wobbled lightly.

"I had no choice," Swiftsprite justified, crossing his ethereal, slimy forelegs. "It was either this or let him kill me and prototype that other guy." He sighed. "But whatever. At least I understand everything that's going on now... more or less."

* * *

><p>The doors of the TARDIS opened once again. After their last encounter, neither Broshi nor Spike were too excited to see what this last stop could be, but the vast, open starry sky before them piqued their curiosity just enough for them to approach the doorway and take a look.<p>

The blue box was situated within a lush, grassy field, though there was a distinct edge, beyond which was outer space in all its light-spotted glory. The Yoshi and dragon stepped onto the grass, where they were met with the sight of a towering spire, and a massive pulsating bright blue sphere in the center. This space station of sorts had steps leading to various facilities, the most obvious of which was a library. But perhaps the most interesting part of this new environment were the brightly-colored star-shaped creatures, hovering happily here and there. A small group of them had gathered around the TARDIS and were examining it and its inhabitants with curiosity rivaling that of the newcomers themselves.

"Whoa..." was all Spike could manage to say, overwhelmed by all of the outlandish scenery and fauna. He had never seen anything like it before.

"No way..." Broshi was practically in the same boat as Spike. "I'd heard rumors about this place, but it sounded too strange to be real..."

"Oh, it is most definitely very real," assured Tom Nook, stepping out of the machine as casually as if he were walking into his own house. "A good friend of mine lives here."

"Ah, Tom, welcome back!" As if on cue, a warm motherly voice greeted the raccoon. The three of them looked up to see a tall, blonde-haired woman in a flowing teal dress stepping softly off of a circular platform. The curious star creatures flocked near her as she approached, adding to her majestic presence. "I see you've brought some friends. Hello to you as well. I am Rosalina, curator of the Comet Observatory. And these little ones are the Lumas, who also call this place their home."

"Hi, I'm Spike," introduced the purple dragon with a wave, his anxiety vanishing instantaneously.

"Everyone calls me Broshi," the orange Yoshi followed, feeling calmer than usual himself.

"Nice to meet you, Spike, and Broshi," Rosalina politely addressed with a smile. "We don't have visitors very often, so it's always nice to see new faces."

"I can see why," commented Broshi, looking out into the surrounding vastness of space.

"Hello again, Rosalina," Tom Nook cheerfully spoke, once the introductions were out of the way. "I've done everything you asked of me since we came to this universe. Broshi is the player who was sent to the future, and Spike was also stranded there, so I picked him up as well."

"Excellent job," commended Rosalina. "So there may be hope for this universe yet."

"Anything noteworthy to report from your end?" Nook asked.

"This universe's session seems to be rapidly getting back on track," the woman explained. "However, Blahsadfeguie is having some trouble."

"You know what Blah's up to?" Broshi inquired.

Rosalina nodded. "Not much happens in the universe that passes me by. This is an observatory, after all." She gazed out into the horizon. "Blah is still recovering from a recent battle, and circumstances have not been in his favor. He is currently sharing a body with Tails."

"Tails?!" Tom Nook echoed with genuine shock before either Broshi or Spike could question what Rosalina was talking about. "He's here...? He's ALIVE...?"

"Indeed he is," confirmed Rosalina. "All of our original teammates have alternate selves in this universe, and they are all alive and well..." She looked away for a moment. "Er... MOST of them are alive."

Spike didn't like the sound of that, and Broshi was rather disturbed as well, but they weren't about to interrupt this exchange. "Oh... oh no." The raccoon shook visibly, as if he knew exactly who she was talking about. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I was afraid you would break away and try to contact them, putting the timeline at risk. We only have one chance at this, remember?"

"I... I know, but..." Nook looked up at her, his eyes glistening. "I miss them..."

Rosalina's gaze mirrored Nook's. "I do too, Tom," she consoled, "but the time is not right. We have to stick to the plan, or else more innocent lives may be in peril. Right now, Blah needs your help more than ever, and Broshi needs to prepare to enter the game. And I'm sure Spike would appreciate being brought home."

Nook glanced at the concerned Spike and the anxious Broshi. "You're right, Rosalina..." he accepted. "I have a duty to my world... to my friends' worlds..."

"Good to hear it," Broshi said, somewhat impatiently. "Sounds like our next destination should be wherever Blah is."

"Blah's currently in the Equestrian capital of Canterlot," Rosalina informed them.

"Great, so we'll get to kill three birds with one stone. C'mon, Spike." Broshi picked up Spike and placed him on his back. The dragon struggled slightly at first, but stopped when he realized just how much he wanted to return home as well.

"You sure are eager to leave, hm?" observed Tom Nook, as Broshi started for the TARDIS. "I suppose there's no sense in loitering."

"Yes, we should make the most of the time we have," Rosalina agreed understandingly. "Oh, and Tom, one more thing before you go..."

Broshi turned around to witness this last distraction, hoping that it would be quick. The curator beckoned the raccoon, who approached eagerly. She whispered something in his ear, and there was a pause as Nook registered whatever it was that she told him. He nodded. "I can do that." Broshi's curiosity was piqued, but he figured it was too personal to ask about.

"Goodbye, Tom, Broshi, Spike," waved Rosalina as Tom Nook rejoined his passengers. "Good luck, and try to stay focused!"

* * *

><p>"...so I don't suppose any of you want to come with us?" Knight asked the three ponies. Blah and Tails shared the sentiment that simply leaving them there in the garden didn't feel right.<p>

"I don't see why not," Twilight replied. "I think Celestia can handle Discord for now, and it's not like there's much else we can do from here."

"Preposterous!" scoffed Rarity. "There's always plenty to do in Canterlot. I think I'll stay a while longer, if you don't mind."

"Sorry, but I probably oughta get back to Sweet Apple Acres, myself," Applejack denied. "I'm worryin' the place might fall apart without me."

"Just me, huh," Twilight glumly summarized. "Oh well. To each her own."

"Yeah, that's fine with me," Knight nodded. "I'm not the center of the universe, after all. Though I'm pretty close. Oh, come off it, Blah. Heheh."

"So, how do we find this professor?" asked Twilight, ignoring Blah's so-called joke.

"Well, he has an affinity for ghosts," Knight responded. "Know of any haunted mansions?"

"Beats me," shrugged Applejack. "I'd say there ain't no such things as ghosts."

Silence followed, as everyone present was clueless. Knight's ears perked up. He thought he could make out a familiar grinding sound. Sure enough, behind Applejack, a blue box began to fade into view.

Knight smirked. "Hey Applejack, don't look now, but I think there's a ghost behind you..."

"Hah, y'all think a silly trick like that would work on me?" the earth pony remarked stubbornly.

The noise increased in volume. Twilight noticed the box as well. "Uh, he might be onto something... You may want to step away..."

"I ain't movin' anywhere," she refused. "And I don't know what kind of ghost makes a noise like that, but it sure ain't scarin' me, so cut it out already."

"Boo."

Applejack jumped at the sudden sound from behind, her heart skipping a beat. Only Knight laughed at her expense, mostly because everyone else was busy being perplexed at the sight of a well-dressed raccoon stepping out of a blue phone box that had materialized in a matter of seconds. Knight's laughter ceased as he fully registered the scene as well. Applejack turned around to get a good look at what had startled her, and she was equally bemused. "What the hay..."

"Hoho," the raccoon laughed tersely. "Sorry, I couldn't help but play along."

"Is that Tom Nook?!" gasped Knight. "Coming out of the TARDIS?!" His voice lowered into a whisper. "Are you the Doctor...?"

Seeing and hearing Tails produced a subtle twinge in Nook's eye, but he kept his cool. "I'm not sure who is this 'Doctor' that everyone keeps referring to," he stated, "but you are correct in that Tom Nook is my name, and this is indeed the TARDIS, my time-traveling phone box. Hello!"

"Sounds about right," Twilight dismissed.

"Twilight?" A younger voice called from inside the box. A small purple dragon peeked his head out of it.

"Spike!" Overjoyed at the sight of her long lost friend, the unicorn rushed over to him. Spike did the same, Nook kindly stepping aside, and the two embraced in the middle of the crowd. "Oh Spike, you have no idea how glad I am to see you..."

"Me too, Twilight," Spike relayed, thoroughly enjoying their reunion. Seeing the dragon returned safe and sound lifted a huge weight off of everyone's collective backs.

"Don't forget about me," came a third voice, belonging to an orange Yoshi leaning nonchalantly against the doorway of the TARDIS.

"Oh my god it's Broshi," Knight breathed. "How've you been?"

"Eh, I've just been stranded in a wasteland in the future for a couple of weeks," Broshi casually responded, looking away. "No big deal." He turned back to Knight. "I take it you've seen better days as well, Blah."

Knight chuckled nervously. "It's been a rough day. I dunno how you know it's me already, but I'm just glad you're back." Broshi nodded slightly. "Also, we're going by Knight for the time being, until we figure out how to fix this."

"How fitting," muttered Tom.

"...So, uh," Spike began, after Twilight released him, "where's Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie?"

Twilight's face contorted in horror as she realized that Spike still had no idea of the events that transpired during his absence. "W-well, er..." she stammered, not at all prepared to explain. "Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are back at the castle with Princess Celestia and Discord..."

"And Pinkie?" Spike asked again.

Twilight frowned, knowing that she couldn't avoid the subject for very long. "She's, uh..." The mortified bookworm looked back at Applejack and Rarity for support, both of whom looked at each other expectantly.

"Well, dear," Rarity pitched in, biting the bullet, "I'm afraid Pinkie has moved on to a better place."

Spike flinched, his spirits visibly crushed at the implication of Rarity's explanation. "You mean she's..."

"Discord managed to get her by herself," Applejack added. "And by then, nobody could stop him from..."

"Murder," finished Knight sadly, to the chagrin of the ponies, but the word was out.

"Not again..." lamented Nook quietly.

Spike was hit with a tidal wave of emotions, sending him to his knees. "S-so Discord... and P-Pinkie is... And we were... N-no, this is impossible..."

"Honestly though, we're not completely sure that it was really Discord yet," Knight tried, but Spike had stopped listening. He had doubled over, tears trickling, and mumbled to himself in disbelief.

"Shh, Spike, it's okay," Twilight kneeled next to him, holding him and trying her hardest to calm him down. "We'll get to see her again pretty soon. Blah has a plan..."

Knight's feelings of pity and sympathy for the poor guy were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Broshi, somewhat indifferent to the scene playing out behind him, had brought Blah's backpack and was handing it to him. "Here, we also found this," he said.

"Is that my backpack?!" Blah forgot all about Spike for a moment as he snatched the pack from the Yoshi and dug through it. All of his old equipment was still there. He pulled out the Pwnhammer, ignoring the difficulty of such a task for someone of Tails's strength, and clutching its handle tightly.

"Spike found it half-buried in the sand," Broshi recalled. "I figured you'd be happy to see it back."

"You bet!" Blah tried lifting the hammer over his head for a nostalgic swing, but he could barely move the massive weapon with his borrowed muscles. He ended up dropping it. "Argh, Tails, do you even lift? Hey, I don't carry around giant hammers on a regular basis. That's Amy's thing. Would you rather be her instead? Point taken."

"Uh, you okay?" Broshi raised his eyebrow quizzically.

"Yeah, it's just we both talk to each other out loud sometimes," Knight sighed. "You'll get used to it... I hope."

"Ok, change of plans," Twilight announced, having helped Spike to a stable state. "I'm going to stay here and look after Spike. I don't want to leave him behind, and I certainly don't want to risk something happening to him on a trip like this to unknown territory."

"Where are you going?" Spike asked, his voice still slightly wavering.

"We're going to find a certain professor who specializes in ghosts," Knight explained. "Hopefully, with his expertise, me and Tails can finally go our separate ways again. Blah and I. Shut up, I can grammar." Spike chuckled softly, his mood improving slowly but surely, to everyone's relief.

"You wouldn't be talking about E. Gadd, would you?" Nook chimed in.

Both of Knight's personas were surprised. "You know who he is?" Knight excitedly asked. "And where to find him? And can probably take us there like right now?"

The raccoon nodded cheerfully. "Yes to all. No sense beating around the bush, hm?"

"Good, I was afraid we would risk having another fateful encounter while traveling," Sera spoke, causing Tom Nook to jump.

"My, I didn't see you there..." he uttered, clutching his chest. "You've certainly been quiet up until now... Seraphina, was it?"

"Correct," confirmed the Kadabra. "And I had nothing to say up until now."

"Heh. She has a knack for sneaking up on people and scaring the crap out of them," joked Knight.

"So, we ready to go?" Broshi requested. He was already leaning on the TARDIS again, tapping his foot.

"Yeah yeah, keep your pants on," Knight groaned as he stepped towards the time machine. "Or your... shoes," he corrected himself. "Sunglasses?"

"Bye!" Twilight called as Broshi disappeared into the vessel. "I hope it goes well for you!"

"Please come back soon..." Spike pleaded.

"Oh, we'll be back, trust me," Knight promised. "Later!" He walked into the TARDIS, followed by Sera, and finally, Tom Nook.

The light came on, and the engine started up. The ponies and Spike watched in awe as the thing faded out of the physical plane, leaving the yard in calm silence.

"Remind me to ask him how that time machine works," said the envious Twilight.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, so it wasn't me (big surprise), but that doesn't mean I don't want to punch him in the face.<strong>


	52. Making Connections

**Before we get into the chapter, I'd like to make a quick announcement/heads up: over the next few weeks or so, I plan on revisiting the first few chapters of the story and tweaking them a bit, or in some cases rewriting them entirely. This project has been ongoing for upwards of two years now, and I can barely look back at my work from that long ago without cringing. And so, I hope to make them a bit more consistent with the style and relative quality of the later chapters. **

**Worry not, as I will not change any plot events that have already happened, but don't be surprised if I slip in a few more details or foreshadowing here and there to make the whole thing fit together better. Just putting that out there, in case you are interested in reading the improved early chapters as they are written. I think I'll keep y'all up to date in an author's note just like this along with the standard weekly updates so that you don't have to go hunting for the changes yourselves. :L**

**I think that's about it. Enjoy this week's (somewhat short, sorry) chapter!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 52: Making Connections<p>

Astra grunted as her scythe cut down yet another rust-colored imp, more already clambering through the windows behind her. All this continued effort to keep her room monster-free piled more and more fatigue on her. Surely the first wave would have to die down soon, she thought, and that thought had been enough to keep her going for a while, but there was simply no end in sight.

A duo of particularly dodgy imps, given the fluidity of their slimy bodies, cornered her, forcing her up the stairs to the roof. Immediately, she could see why her house was so overrun. Beats had been taking the steady supply of build grist dropped by the imps and adding floor after floor without restraint, alternating between stairs and platforms. As she recalled hearing about from a conversation with Bellia, underlings were swarming into the house to fill the new space.

Backing away from the imps, Astra pulled out her phone, her fingers flailing across the keys in a desperate attempt to hammer out a message to her server player.

- spacefaringPioneer [SP] began pestering discoJubilation [DJ] -

SP: Beats.  
>SP: Stop.<br>SP: Please.  
>DJ: why? DJ's on a roll with this building thing! 8D<br>DJ: and it's our goal to build up to those gates, right?

Taking a deep breath, Astra lunged at the imp on the left, impaling it in the chest. The other imp attempted to strike at her, but she gave it a solid kick before slashing it in the neck, causing it to explode into a handful of build and a blocky brown grist. The first imp was then met with a downward slice to the top of the head, causing it to befall the same fate. Taking a well-earned moment of reprieve, Astra turned to her phone.

SP: Not so quickly.  
>SP: Taller towers attract more imps.<br>SP: I need a better way to deal with them.  
>DJ: dang i'm sorry sis D8<br>DJ: what do you need me to do for you?

Still panting, Astra noticed some more movement out of the corner of her eye. A line of eager, mischievous imps bearing various familiar traits had formed on the stairs, and they were starting to head her way.

SP: Help.

She didn't have to wait long. Within seconds, a huge partially-constructed rocket fell from above, crushing most of the imps near the staircase. Astra was shocked at Beats's choice of weapon, but she wasn't complaining.

DJ: took a load of grist just to move the thing, but man was it worth it!  
>SP: Thank you...<br>DJ: no prob, sis!  
>DJ: oh by the way, did you get that memo invitation from Bellia yet?<br>DJ: it's not much of a party without you! 8D  
>SP: Memo?...<p>

Astra checked her phone again, and sure enough, another Pesterchum window had appeared at some point. She had been too busy defending herself to notice.

- accomodatedDragon [AD] began pestering spacefaringPioneer [SP] -

AD: Hey Astra, now that the game is really afoot, I decided to take the initiative and start up a memo for ease of communication.  
>AD: Assuming I figured out how to set up links properly, clicking <span>here<span> should take you right to it!

Astra clicked on the link without hesitation, generating another window and confirming that Bellia figured it out. She was instantly met with the faces of three of her co-players: an aloof Reed, a joyful Bellia, and an excited Beats.

"And there she is!" greeted Beats. "What's happenin', sis?"

"I believe you know already," Astra joked, the sight of all her old friends on the same screen bringing a genuine smile to her face. "You went straight to video chat, I see."

"Reed's idea," Bellia attributed, the fox looking away in slight embarrassment. "He couldn't be bothered to type, or read, for that matter, line after line of chat dialogue. Frankly, I don't blame him. Nobody wants to sit through that. It's more fun this way, anyway."

"You got that right!" Beats soulfully agreed.

"So when do you think the others will show up?" asked Astra.

"Whenever they get around to it?" Reed guessed. "I guess they've been busy or something lately."

"I can send the invites, at least," Bellia offered.

"Start with my pegasus bro Hailstorm," suggested Beats. "He's my server, so he might already be in!"

"Chumhandle?" Bellia queried.

"Just hailStorm," Beats informed, earning a laugh from Reed.

"Wow, not even I'm that lazy," the Page commented.

"Didn't Bellia come up with your chumhandle, Reed?" Astra reminded him. "You probably would have stuck with pesterClient489 if not for her suggestion."

Reed simply sighed, gazing dully off-screen. Bellia quickly typed a few things, clattering noisily on her keyboard. "Invite sent!"

Mere seconds later, an image of a confused-looking Hailstorm popped up next to everyone else's faces.

"Sup, Hailbringer!" Beats was quick on the draw in the greeting department.

"Wow, Hail, that was fast," Astra noted.

"You mean he's an actual horse?" Reed questioned. "With wings?"

"An adorable actual horse," Bellia added.

Hail blinked, overwhelmed by the digitized voices of his allies. "Uh, hi?"

Bellia grinned. "Yep, he's here and conscious! Ok, how about inviting Blah next..."

"W-wait!" cried Hail. "Don't invite Blah. His account kinda got..." His voice lowered to a whisper, though he wasn't entirely confident it would help. "...hijacked. By Charge."

Everyone appeared stunned by this turn of events, except for Reed, who tilted his head. "By... who?"

"Whlie you were making yourself comfortable under that rock of yours," Bellia quipped, "a strange, evil human named Charge came out of nowhere and tried to take over the session. Er, is still trying, apparently."

"And he kinda... sorta..." Hail sheepishly scratched his mane. "Succeeded."

Astra sat in a horrified stupor upon hearing the news. "How so?" she demanded.

"Let Beats guess," cut in the vegetable, "He pretended to be Blah and swindled you into making him your server player."

Hail nodded hastily. "B-but we stopped him from prototyping Mefirst, at least!" he defended himself.

"_I_ stopped him," corrected Swift Star, hovering into view behind Hail. "It could have been really bad. He tried to prototype the guy _before_ entry!"

"Wait, does that matter?" Hail asked.

"Think about it," said Bellia, "Underlings take on the traits of whatever the players prototype before entry."

"So we could have wound up with a bunch of imps performing postal Hajike," Beats explained. "And being all smug."

"And who were also loyal to Charge, no doubt," Astra finished.

"Oh... So that was his big plan... and with it out of the way..." Hail's face lit up. "We may have a chance after all! Although..." The light faded just as quickly. "Him being my server player kind of locks him into entering the medium, doesn't it..."

"Not necessarily," Bellia presented. "Blah might still be able to enter in his place via... shenanigans."

Hail scratched his head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, whatever it means," Astra replied, "I don't think there's much we can do to help from here, unfortunately. It's all up to Blah and everyone on the other side. We should focus on progressing in the game."

"Oh, you guys should definitely try out alchemy!" recommended Bellia, ecstatic to bring up the subject. "Why don't you take me on a tour around your houses, and I'll see if I can come up with cool recipes to try..."

Reed rolled his eyes. "There she goes again..."

* * *

><p>"Hey Sera, now that we have a moment, how about giving me my memories back?"<p>

While Tom Nook fiddled with the controls of the TARDIS, and Broshi attempted to find a spot on the hard metal floor that wasn't unpleasant to lay down on, Knight and Sera conversed by the door.

"You figured it out already?" Sera asked incredulously.

"Let's be honest here, keeping the topic from coming up at all during that conversation would have taken a miracle," Knight protested. "It was just a matter of time. He's improved a lot, though. Yeah, I made a promise to myself not to go crazy with revenge or whatever."

Sera briefly closed her eyes, and Blah and Tails felt even more crowded than usual. They took a wild guess that she was probing their minds.

_'I'll never get used to that,' _Tails complained internally.

_'You're telling me,' _Blah responded.

The Kadabra's eyes opened again. "I believe you are sufficiently prepared," she determined. "Very well then. Here it comes."

Blah suddenly found himself in the middle of Ponyville's market district, having been tasked with buying food. Looking for a good deal, his eyes were eventually drawn to a bright pink, bouncing pony talking excitedly with one of the stall owners. He drew closer, causing her to notice his presence and turn around, their eyes meeting. In that moment, behind that curious, cheerful gaze, he could see a spark, something new and amazing, but shook his head as he realized the awkwardness of his stare. In a nervous attempt to save face, he bought a whole cart full of apple products from that stall and left in a hurry. He had no idea what that feeling was, but he had to find out more. He had to see her again.

The next day came just as fast, and he wound up heading for the same stall, not-so-casually asking the orange mare about the pink one after his purchase. He jumped from place to place, always just out of sight of this strange pony called Pinkie Pie, watching her, learning more about her, but never working up the courage to talk to her.

Moments later, he found himself knocking on Pinkie's door. He intended to ask if she wanted to hang out with him sometime, but instead he chickened out and searched for a different excuse to be there, settling on asking to borrow a trumpet sitting on a table visible from the door. What a weak excuse, he thought. He didn't even play the trumpet. She happily, if curiously, obliged, and after hearing her ramble about music, he was on his way again.

As another flash forward occurred, this time to the midst of a party, Blah realized he was reliving the memories as they were returning to him, and rather vividly at that. Large, weird gaps in his timeline were filling up. This was not just any party, it was HIS party, celebrating the earning of his cutie mark. After 20 years of being a blank flank, realizing his talent finally gave him the confidence he needed to confess his feelings to her. Much to his surprise, he found out that she had felt exactly the same way all this time. They kissed, their spark erupting into a bright burning flame. Blah felt complete once again.

The montage continued, leading up to his meeting with Discord. He recalled how Pinkie was completely unfazed by Discord's coy stretching of the deal they had made. She knew that Blah was still the same Blah. She understood that the god of chaos meant no harm in his antics. It was just a silly joke that changed nothing in the end.

Pinkie had nothing against Discord, and so Discord had nothing against her. As Blah once again discovered her deceased body through Sera's eyes, he began to question why Discord would choose to eliminate her over anyone else with that in mind. Was it really for the sake of reverse psychology? Was Discord's harmless prank just an act?

Blah's senses finally recovered. Only seconds had passed since Sera began the procedure, but Blah had stumbled across a world of knowledge.

"I trust Discord."

"Excuse me?" Broshi looked up at him, confused. "You just got through saying that he killed Pinkie Pie."

"Pinkie trusted him," Blah clarified, "and so I trust him. Discord did not murder Pinkie."

"You sound certain of that," Sera observed. "So, do you know who really did it?"

"It must have been Charge," Blah concluded. "Maybe not directly, but having her killed was his plan. As we discussed, framing Discord of murder would be the perfect way to force us to break our alliance. And he knew that if he targeted Pinkie, he'd be able to get even me on Discord's bad side. He probably even counted on the fact that I would go on a solo rampage. I should be out of commission by now, trapped in a hard drive, according to his plans."

"Thus allowing him an opportunity to cause some real damage." Sera bowed her head, exploring the unpleasant possibilities. "Perhaps he is unaware that you are still fully sane. What would he attempt?"

"What I'm worried about is that white pegasus pony," Broshi cut in. "He's supposed to be one of us, right? I haven't heard from him at all since I got stranded in the future."

"I sent Hailstorm to help Beats enter the medium," Sera explained. "Thank you for reminding me, though. We should check up on him."

"Good to know I can trust you guys to carry on without me," Blah praised.

Sera walked over to the central console. "Tom Nook, may I borrow the TARDIS's computer?"

"You certainly may!" Nook allowed, stepping away from the monitor.

The Psychic-type logged into Pesterchum with the speed of a hacker, pestering Hailstorm the moment the window appeared. Knight, Broshi, and Nook all gathered around the screen.

- myriadOracle [MO] began pestering hailStorm [HS] -

MO: Hailstorm, how are things going over there?  
>HS: oh thank celestia seras here<br>HS: things are a bit complicated  
>MO: How so?<br>HS: we made a memo ill explain after you join it  
>HS: talking is so much easier than typing<br>MO: Understandable. Can we have a link?  
>HS: um hold on<br>HS: try this

Sera clicked on the link, opening a separate window full of video feeds. The sound of a spunky female voice instantly resonated through the time machine's unseen speaker system.

"...though clouds can be useful for combining things, I suppose. Can you even captchalogue a cloud?"

"Heeey, there's some new faces!" The familiar voice of Beats, eager to change the subject away from the dragon's rambling, heartily welcomed the passengers of the TARDIS.

"Finally..." muttered Hailstorm, barely audible.

"Hello again, Sera, Tails, Broshi," Astra greeted. "Who's the raccoon? Another friend of yours, I take it?"

"Tom Nook is the name," Nook introduced himself. "Don't mind me, I'm just the pilot!"

"And I'm here too," Knight spoke up. "That is to say, Blah's here too. He's me, sorta. We're sharing the same mind space. It's a long story. And speaking of long stories, you had something to tell us, didn't you, Hail?"

Hail sighed. He really wanted to ask about the predicament Blah landed himself in, but he decided he'd rather get his own explanation out of the way first. "Long story short, Charge somehow hacked your Pesterchum account and fooled me into letting him be my server player."

"Hacked?!" exclaimed Knight. "My account?! He can do that?!"

"If I recall correctly," Astra contributed, "you left Waluigi in charge of your computer. That's not exactly a solid defense."

Knight facepalmed. "So he has my computer, and he's your server player... is there any scenario in which this doesn't end badly?"

"Well, he can't kill me..." Hail recalled. "He admitted it."

"And he's not technically in the game yet, either," said Astra. "If we can stall him from entering the medium until we reclaim Blah's computer, we can salvage this."

"In other words, Blahtown needs guards." Knight looked up in thought. "Who do we know is competent in battle and would be willing to stick around and defend a small town?"

Before anyone could answer, another chat window popped up on the screen, which immediately filled with several reddish orange lines of text belonging to an account known as monsterRingleader.

MR: Ok, surely THIS time I got the right person  
>MR: Right?<br>MR: Sera?

Sera froze. Knight and Broshi stared, dumbfounded, at the screen, trying to discern the identity of this stranger.

"Who the heck..." Knight began, but was silenced by Tom Nook.

"That would be Bob Sladfigy," he said with a hint of suppressed resentment in his voice. "He was our session's Thief of Blood..."

"Oh, brother, what could he want this time..." groaned the voice of Astra, reminding everyone that the memo could still hear what was going on.

"Wait, YOUR session?" This was the first that Blah had heard of it. "You had a session?!"

"Nook came from a universe that also played SBURB, but failed or something," Broshi hastily hand-waved.

"Ok, that makes sense..." Blah's casual acceptance of Broshi's explanation caused the dinosaur to frown slightly. "But on a more important note, BOB was in it?!"

"Sounds like you've met him," deduced the raccoon. "And probably fought him, oh, three times?"

"Only twice," Blah answered. "...can I ask who else was in that session of yours?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Nook declined. "I just can't think of a reason you would need to know everything right this instant, hm?"

Blah shrugged. "I'm just curious, is all. It couldn't hurt to tell me, could it?"

Sera decided to ignore Blah and Nook's conversation and humor Bob for a while.

MO: This is Seraphina.  
>MR: Oh thank all of the gods<br>MR: I tried to contact Blah but he told me to talk to you about it  
>MR: Anyway I thought about that battle we had not too long ago<br>MR: I feel really bad about the whole thing  
>MR: making you fight Blah and then having him killed<br>MO: It did result in me reuniting with him.  
>MO: If not for you, I might still be in the captivity of Charge.<br>MR: But you guys were set back like weeks because of me  
>MR: All I've been thinking about is revenge and all it's doing is keeping you from saving the world or whatever<br>MR: I have to make it up to you somehow

"I think we have our guards," announced Sera, cutting off Blah's umpteenth attempt at convincing Nook to describe his session.

"What?" Blah took a moment to read the conversation so far. "Are you seriously going to-" He stopped as he realized Sera was paying no attention to him, continuing to type.

MO: You are in luck. We have a very important task, and you seem to be perfect for it.  
>MR: Really? Name it! I'm there!<br>MO: Go to Blahtown with your team and secure it from any uninvited guests.  
>MO: Blah left his computer there, and Charge seems to have stolen it.<br>MR: Blahtown?  
>MO: A town that Blah built. Creative name, is it not?<br>MR: It's very... fitting  
>MR: but uh, before I go<br>MR: my team is still kind of incomplete  
>MR: Yumos still hates me<br>MO: I will accompany you. Our strategy in the beginning of our fight against Blah was nearly flawless.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hang on," Blah cut in after seeing Sera send off that message, "You are NOT going with Bob again. We can't be sure he'll stay true to his word."

"I spent a few days with him, if you will recall," Sera countered. "He may be hotheaded and confrontational, and certainly unpredictable, but he is ultimately loyal, and treasures his alliances dearly. He is unlikely to betray us, at least not intentionally. You should know this better than I do, Blah. I was under the impression that you created him."

"I can vouch for him as well," Nook added. "He always looks out for the team, even if he insists on doing things his way..."

Blah opened his mouth again, but shut it slowly upon realizing that they were exactly right. "Ok, I guess there's no problem with it, but..." He looked over at the prone dinosaur, who sat this conversation out on the grounds that he thought he had nothing relevant to contribute. "Broshi, you're going with her."

Broshi sat up and stretched. "Fine. I doubt I would've been any help at that professor's place anyway."

MR: Oh, sweet! Thanks a lot!  
>MO: No problem.<br>MR: Can we meet at the Veilstone City Pokemon Center?  
>MO: Of course, in a while. I can teleport you to Blahtown from there.<br>MR: Great! See you there!

The window closed, and a brief silence followed.

"So Bob's on our side now?" Astra asked.

"Looks like it," Blah confirmed, hardly believing it either.

"Beats, would you kindly pick up that rocket again and drop it on me?"


	53. Giving Up the Ghost

**Welp, like I said last chapter, I have begun my quest to spruce up the first leg of this story. Chapter 1 version 2.0 should already be live, so check it out if you're interested. I'll have the second one up by next week, probably. I've read it over and the transition between the new C1 and the old C2 is fairly seamless event-wise, so I'm in no hurry, but I'm probably going to completely rewrite it as well. I'm not sure where the line is between the dated and the decent content is, but hopefully I won't end up rewriting half the story!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 53: Giving Up the Ghost<p>

The engine of the TARDIS gradually wound down, aided by the alert and nigh omnipresent Tom Nook. Simply watching him run back and forth between the various consoles and doodads was a sight to see, considering the ship was probably designed with multiple co-pilots in mind. Finally, the noise ceased. Nook leaned against the wall to catch his breath.

"We're here!" panted the raccoon. "I hope you're planning on staying a while, because I think I might need a quick nap..."

Knight eagerly headed for the door. With any luck, in just a short while, Blah would finally be able to act on his own again, without answering to anybody. And perhaps he'd be at least a little bit closer to getting back to his normal, male human form.

_'One step at a time, Blah,' _he told himself as he opened the doors... only to be met with a bright shining light in his eyes.

"Ack!" Knight held up his arm in recoil. "Did you take us to the surface of the sun or something?"

"Oh... my apologies, I thought you were a ghost!" The light turned off, revealing that it had actually come from a flashlight. Holding the flashlight was a strange old man in a white coat, an oversized vacuum cleaner strapped to his back. He studied Knight from eye level, being about the same height, adjusting his round, nigh-opaque glasses. "Although when a blue phone box materializes in the middle of one's lab with little warning but a mechanical whir, one could hardly know what to expect it to contain."

"Wait, you just dropped us off in the middle of his lab?" Knight turned towards Tom Nook. "Right outside would have been fine..."

"This thing isn't all that precise," Nook said in his defense. "Sorry if we startled you, sir..."

"Hoho, it's nothing to worry about," the old man chuckled. "Hardly anything scares me anymore. I'm Professor Elvin Gadd, but most people just call me E. Gadd. Oh my, is this thing bigger on the inside?" Without waiting for everyone else to introduce themselves, he brushed past Knight and entered the TARDIS. "My word, there's an entire ship in here..." He examined the central console in awe. "This is astounding! What do you call this marvelous masterpiece of technology?"

"This is the TARDIS, or Time and Relative Dimension in Space," Nook answered, somewhat bewildered at the professor's enthusiasm. "It's a time machine."

"A time machine, you say?" E. Gadd laughed. "I invented a time machine once, but it was nothing like this! How long did it take you to build? Ten, twenty years?"

"Oh, well, I didn't build it alone..." Nook modestly replied. "I had a bit of help from-"

"We're not here to show off our time machine," interrupted Knight. "We heard you were an expert on the subject of ghosts, and wanted to know if you could help us out of a little predicament..."

"Oh, a thousand pardons," the professor apologized again. "Maybe we can talk about this TARDIS later... but yes, I am indeed an expert on paranormal entities such as ghosts! What do you need?"

"Well, it's kind of a complicated story..." Knight began. "Basically, a friend of ours died, but Sera here managed to preserve his soul with the intent of putting it in a new robotic body. Except there was an accident and it wound up in mine instead. So now, the two of us are-"

"A simple spirit extraction, eh?" E. Gadd cut him off. "You've come to the right place! Please, follow me."

"You sound as though this is fairly routine," pointed out Sera as she and the others followed him out of the box.

"You'd be surprised how often people need spirits put in their place, as it were!" said Gadd, walking back into his lab. "I've made somewhat of a side business of it."

"This would be the perfect place for a Ghostbusters reference, if I were a bigger movie buff," Knight commented.

As they walked, the four visitors were finally able to get a good look around the laboratory. There was very little space to move around, as most of it was occupied by elaborate machinery, giant glass tubes filled with liquid and other strange things, and paintings. Paintings on the walls, paintings in piles, painting frames, blank paintings. Those that were not blank usually depicted pale, blank-eyed human figures of every shape and size imaginable.

E. Gadd stopped at a table, upon which sat a white, folded up handheld device. When he retrieved and opened the device, it appeared to resemble a particular dual-screened gaming console. He pointed its two rear-mounted cameras at Knight and pressed a few buttons, causing it to emit a low pulsating noise.

"Aha... just as I predicted, we have here a class C possession," announced the professor. "A rare case, but not a difficult one to remedy."

"So what exactly is the 'remedy'?" asked Knight. "You're not going to suck my soul out with that vacuum and put me in a painting, are you...?"

"Not at all!" denied E. Gadd. "That's only necessary when the foreign spirit refuses to part with the host." This did not calm Blah's nerves as well as he thought it would, knowing that the vacuum can indeed suck souls out of living bodies, apparently.

"Wait, so these paintings all contain ghosts...?" Broshi cautiously studied one of the paintings, which depicted a middle-aged man in a rocking chair.

"They certainly do, my dear Yoshi," affirmed E. Gadd. "Don't worry, they won't come to life or anything! Those paintings can keep them sealed up indefinitely."

"Funny how an ordinary painting can turn into a high-security ghost prison, huh," said Knight.

"Oh, these paintings are far from ordinary," the professor stated, much to Blah's surprise. "The secret lies within - each painting has one of these suckers at its core!" He pulled an object out of his pocket and held it out for everyone to see. It was a yellow, transparent crystal which refracted light in all directions. "This is the crystallized form of a mysterious and rare element which I recently discovered myself. I have appropriately dubbed it Gaddium!" He announced the name proudly, to the mild disapproval of Broshi. "The structure of this crystal is arranged in such a way that any soul that passes through it will become trapped there. It's the backbone of all my ghost-related research and machinery."

"Aha," Sera exclaimed. "So it can be used as a way to reliably transport souls from one vessel to another."

"Precisely!"

_'Wait a minute...' _thought Blah, as he studied the Gaddium crystal closely. _'Why does all of that sound so familiar...?'_ He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but the concept of a soul-storing crystal seemed to stick out in the back of his mind.

_'You've heard of this stuff before?' _Tails responded. _'I can't even imagine where such an element would fit on the periodic table...'_

_'It's not really an element, per se,' _Blah corrected, wracking his half of the brain for a hint as to what it really was. _'I'm not even really sure what to call it, but I feel like I've known about it for a long time.'_

_'Maybe it's another one of your creations?' _prompted Tails. _'You told me about how you went to an entire world that you created...'_

Blah felt something click. Tails was right on the money. _'Of course!'_

"We have to go back to Moros," declared Knight.

"Did you suddenly remember something?" Sera asked.

"I sure did," Knight continued. "There's a way I can get my old human body back, fully functional and normal, and all we need is some of that Soulite."

"'Soulite', eh?" Broshi repeated. "Sure beats 'Gaddium'."

"Yep, that stuff's a pretty big part of the Moros story." Knight gave a short laugh. "I can't believe I didn't consider it earlier..."

E. Gadd bore a baffled expression. "Surely you must be mistaken," he protested. "I discovered this element... nobody had heard of it before, and you already have a name for it?"

"Sorry," Knight apologized with a shrug. "You can still call it Gaddium if you want."

"I can understand how Soulite would make returning to your body infinitely easier," said Sera, "but how would we obtain said body in a fully functional and normal form?"

"Well..." Knight looked away. "I'd rather not say. It involves some serious spoilers. Blah, spoilers are really only applicable if we're planning on reading a story, not when we're living it. Then it just becomes important information that you know and nobody else does. And I'd kinda like to know too. But what if... ok, fine." Knight threw his hands in the air. "There's an alien race secretly inhabiting the planet, and they've got facilities full of genetic engineering equipment. We can just scan the DNA of my dead body, change the sex back to male, and replicate another one, good as new."

This bit of information came as quite a shock to everyone, including Tom Nook.

"I say, genetic engineering? Alien technology?" E. Gadd expressed quite a bit of interest in the topic. "Now THAT is something I would like to see! Ooh, I never would have guessed that a whole world of advanced technology has been lying right under my nose!"

"The question is," Sera pressed, "would those aliens cooperate with us? Are they hostile? Xenophobic?"

"I dunno," Knight answered, pondering. "They might cooperate. They're not usually hostile, they're just interested in one thing: the acquisition of knowledge. We can cross that bridge when we come to it, though. Sera, you'd be able to teleport us to Moros, since we've been there already, right?"

Sera shook her head. "Moros is currently in the Medium. I cannot teleport across dimensions, unfortunately."

"Dang, so I'll have to enter the game first... and probably you, too... Oh well, it was worth a shot." Knight looked at E. Gadd, who seemed to be having difficulty following the conversation. Nobody blamed him. "I guess we can just start by extracting my soul and work our way from there, so do your thing, Professor!"

"R-right, of course," the professor snapped back to reality. "Please step into this chamber." He indicated a large cylindrical glass container hooked up to a larger machine via pipes and wires. A second, identical chamber was situated opposite the first.

"Am I to assume that the other chamber is for the target vessel?" asked Sera, to which Gadd nodded. "Very well. I shall fetch Metails." She vanished without a moment of further delay.

"I wonder if Eggman made any progress on it while we were out and about," Knight questioned. "I mean, it'll work either way, but you might not be able to fly... Eh, I've gotten this far without flying. My parents were both pegasi, my whole life was being grounded while surrounded by fliers. I can cope. Really? Cause I seem to recall you jumping at the chance to fly not too long ago, even preferring it to teleporting. ...Ok, you're right. I'm mad jelly. But I'll try to keep my cool..."

E. Gadd loudly cleared his throat, pointing to the chamber again. "Oh whoops, sorry," Knight apologized as he stepped in.

"This extraction won't happen a moment too soon..." muttered the scientist.

Not a moment too soon herself, Sera reappeared, clutching the arm of a much less intimidating Metal Tails in one hand, and Dr. Eggman's hand in the other.

"Ooh, I see Eggman took my advice on the eyes," observed Knight, appreciating the new appearance, "...but did you have to bring him here too?"

"He insisted on it," Sera explained.

"Hey, I just hate being out of the loop, okay?" pouted the doctor. He casually glanced over the lab. "Hmm. Not bad," he assessed, "but it could do with a little spring cleaning."

"You're one to talk," Knight taunted. Eggman growled.

"In my defense," E. Gadd refuted, already not too fond of the former villain, "keeping things spick and span only entices the ghosts to make a mess of the place. I've learned to embrace the chaos."

"Is it my turn to impatiently clear my throat?" Knight cut in, eyeing the robot duplicate eagerly.

"Yeah, me and Sera kinda have someplace to be," Broshi added.

"Of course, let's get cracking!" E. Gadd was equally keen to start the process, dragging Metal Tails into the second chamber and closing the doors on both. He inserted his self-named crystal into a slot in the center of the machine and typed vigorously on the keyboard. The machine whirred to life. Soft, white light filled the chambers. Knight spoke, but his voice was dampened to the point of obscurity by the tightly sealed doors, and soon, the loudness of the device itself as it built up energy. The light in the first chamber faded to a vivid orange.

"Hmm, orange, that's a new one," commented the professor, slightly worrying the other spectators.

The orange light faded just as fast, causing the body of Tails to slump over, unconscious. Metal Tails rattled in place as its chamber took on the orange coloration. Mild sparks sputtered out of the robot, and soon the machine followed suit. All the lights in the entire laboratory flickered. There was a loud pop and a puff of thick smoke from an exhaust vent on the extractor, and with that, it began to power down.

E. Gadd opened the left chamber and helped the groggily reawakening Tails to his feet. "D-did it work...?" he asked, clutching his head in an effort to keep it from spinning. "Blah? You still there?" A lack of response indicated the contrary.

"It seems one half went off without a hitch, at least," noted Gadd, already rushing over to the other chamber. "Let's see how your friend is doing..." He opened the other door. Metal Tails remained motionless.

"Blah?" called Sera. "Are you situated? Is everything okay?"

There was no response. The robot continued to stare straight ahead with its cute, yet lifeless eyes. A cold feeling of dread washed over everyone.

"Looks like you screwed up somewhere," Broshi accused.

"I don't understand..." The professor pulled the robot out of the cylinder and set it in the middle of the room, studying it closely. "I know my extractor works fine on robots, both on the sending and receiving end. I've tried it before..."

"So what happened to Blah, then?" Sera inspected the machine, stopping on the slot which contained the Soulite. "Is he trapped in one of those crystals?"

Dr. Eggman chuckled. "Maybe you geniuses should try turning the robot on before drawing any conclusions."

Eggman's statement caused everyone to freeze. "...Yeah, that might help," Tails agreed, walking to the back of his metallic likeness, opening up a panel and flipping a switch.

The robot suddenly emitted a noise not unlike a gasp as all of its joints sprang into motion at once. It nearly fell over, but with a bit of stammering, it managed to right itself.

"Whoa, this is different," the robot emitted a series of synthetic noises resembling speech. It sounded like it was trying its best to replicate Blah's original human voice. There was a collective sigh of relief.

Blah experimented with moving his new metal body parts. There was a very slight yet noticable delay between his desire to move and the feedback of his movements, leaving him feeling somewhat numb, but it reminded him of operating a computer at the speed of thought. He tried walking a few steps, and having no difficulty with them, he broke into a run around the room, driving everyone else towards the walls out of his way. He found himself able to navigate around the clutter with the same competence as he would have had with a body of flesh and bone, although it was a completely different method of achieving it.

He stopped. He was aware that he had expended a bit of energy, but he was happy to find that he had no breath to catch.

"So, how does it feel?" Tails inquired. "Do you like it?"

"Hand me my hammer," responded Blah. Tails hesitantly grabbed the Pwnhammer by its handle and dragged it over to Blah, who snatched it up eagerly. The weapon was almost as big as him, yet he was able to swing it around with ease. He swung at an imaginary adversary from the side, then flipped it up and slammed from the top fluidly despite its mass. The resulting slam shattered one of the tiles in the floor, yielding an expression of legitimate fear from E. Gadd. Not to mention just about everyone else.

Blah set the hammer down, the pixels that constituted his eyes forming content semi-circles in lieu of a mouth to grin with. "It's perfect."

* * *

><p>Soft, soothing music wafted through the amply lit Pokemon Center. As the sun had set a while ago, the building was nearly empty, except for the dedicated Nurse Joy and a single trainer and his Floatzel sitting on a couch in the corner.<p>

Bob shifted his legs anxiously, folding his arms and glancing at his companion for the hundredth time. Franz was laying on his back and absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. Nothing new.

"Hey Nurse," he called, "what time is it now?"

"9:31, just like it was 30 seconds ago," Joy answered with an almost inhuman about of cheerfulness and patience.

Bob grunted, shifting his legs again. "Sera's taking kind of a long time... Do you think she forgot about me, Franz? Or is she playing a trick on me?"

"Float," answered the Pokemon, even though he knew his trainer would interpret the syllable as whatever he wanted to hear.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just being silly." He sighed.

"No one ever said 'silly' was a bad thing."

The new voice startled Bob, but as he realized who it belonged to, he beamed. "Sera! You're finally here!" He looked up to see the Kadabra, as well as an unfamiliar orange dinosaur. Bob stared at the newcomer in awe, admiring his triangular shades. "Whoa, what kind of Pokemon is that?! It looks awesome!" Franz sat up at his trainer's expression of interest, also quite fond of his appearance.

"Yoshi?" answered Broshi, somewhat confused.

"Oh, it's a Yoshi!" Bob excitedly remarked. "I have to get me one of those someday..."

"His name is Broshi," Sera corrected, "And Yoshis are not Pokemon. They are a reptilian species originating from a small island near the Mushroom Kingdom, prized for their ability to serve as mounts. Broshi here is to be a player in our SBURB session, and he was sent with me to help reclaim Blahtown." Broshi nodded.

Bob raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I think I know a Pokemon when I see one. What else would speak only its own name?" Broshi rolled his eyes behind his glasses. "Also, what's a SBURB?"

"There is much to explain, and little time," Sera dismissed. "We have a town to defend. Return Franz to his Pokeball to prepare for the trip."

Bob held out his Pokeball, enveloping the Floatzel in a reddish light and drawing him in. "Ok, but when this is all over, you better put on your exposition-" Bob paused, realizing that Sera had teleported him the moment Franz disappeared into the Pokeball. He found himself standing in the middle of a group of 4 buildings of various quality construction, the area dimly lit by scattered torches. "...pants."

Sera scanned Blahtown, looking for anything that obviously didn't belong. The town seemed perfectly normal. She slowly approached the most recently-built house, trying to get a good look through the window, but she didn't get very close before the door opened.

Standing in the doorway was, to Bob and Sera's surprise, none other than Edwin.

"So, you've finally wisened up, hm?" Edwin mused condescendingly. "I hope you know that it's too late for you. Charge has already planted himself firmly into your session."

"That is just what you want us to think," Sera refuted. "If it were already too late, you would not still be here. Plus, in case you forgot - I can read your mind. There is still much left in your plan."

Edwin laughed. "You'll have a hard time figuring out what that plan is, though, as not even I know Charge's agenda!" He raised his hand, which carried six Pokeballs. "But what I do know is that I can't let you incessantly bumbling gnats ruin any of it."

"Pfft, so it's a Pokemon fight you want, huh?" Bob pulled out his five Pokeballs, throwing them all to the ground and unleashing his team, each one as eager to battle as their trainer. "You should know by now that I'm a master of the six-on-six style. You have no chance!"

The cowboy looked down on Bob's Pokemon with pity. "What an adorable little team you have. Too bad I have to crush them all." He threw his own Pokeballs, summoning a team that made Bob's jaw drop. Taking up practically the entire sky in front of them were the intimidating forms of Palkia, Dialga, Deoxys, Rayquaza, Darkrai, and Mewtwo.

"What the... Where did... How..." stammered Bob. His own party were equally flabbergasted.

"Let's just say I have connections," Edwin replied with a triumphant laugh as his squadron of legendary Pokemon assumed battle stances. "You can give up now. I won't blame you."

Bob was tempted to take him up on that offer, but he knew that if he backed down, there would be little hope for Blah or his endeavors. He clenched his fists, staring Edwin down. "N-no way!" he cried. "Using legendaries is about the cheapest thing imaginable! I won't let you have the satisfaction of winning like that! Come on, guys!" Bob's Pokemon snapped to attention at their trainer's confident words. "Let's show the world that we're willing to do battle with the gods themselves in the name of righteousness!"

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><p><strong>Oh man! Looks like we finally get to have another fight! I don't know about you all, but I was getting tired of all that chatter and running around. Tune in next week for the battle of the century!<strong>


	54. A Relatively Average Pokemon Battle

**For those of you who missed the announcement, chapters 2 and 3 have been rewritten to a state with which I am far more comfortable. Check them out if you haven't, and either way, enjoy chapter 54!**

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><p>Chapter 54: A Relatively Average Pokemon Battle<p>

The moonlit settlement of Blahtown was met with the most excitement it had ever seen, its central area crowded by two full teams of six Pokemon, each one belonging to a human trainer, with Broshi being the odd one out. It helped that the town seemed to be deserted otherwise, save for Nurse Joy, who watched the scene nervously from the window of the Dorkemon Center.

Both sides waited for the other to make the first move. Seraphina took the opportunity to communicate with Bob and his Pokemon.

_"So, Bob," _began Sera, _"I am anxious to hear what sort of plan you may have for dealing with these legendary Pokemon."_

_'I'll get back to you on that,' _Bob answered. _'I guess we can just wing it for now... a battle is a battle, right?'_

_'Well, you better come up with something, smart guy!' _snapped Phaunt the Butterfree. _'Those monsters'll tear me to shreds if I get anywhere near them!'_

_'Not if I blast them first,' _insisted Zheil the Typhlosion. _'Just stick with me and you'll be fine.'_

_'I'll focus on Darkrai,' _Tryder the Togekiss decided. _'Franz, you should use your Ice Fang on Rayquaza.'_

_'I know, I know,' _assured Franz the Floatzel. _'I don't need advice. You just do your thing and I'll do mine.'_

_'Watch out, they're attacking!' _Saucha the Ampharos announced.

Dialga and Palkia were the first to act, both of them summoning a legion of stones via Ancientpower and hurling them at Phaunt. Bob's team was prepared for such a barrage; Sera's heightened sense of spatial awareness aided the Butterfree to dodge, though the number of projectiles made this difficult even for her.

Deoxys was next, focusing directly on Tryder with a supercharged orb of electricity. As Sera was preoccupied, Tryder had to rely on his own speed to avoid the Zap Cannon, which he managed with relative ease at the cost of his own ability to retaliate.

Darkrai hovered to Franz ominously, and the Floatzel was enveloped in darkness. He eventually fell over, succumbing to sleep. Rayquaza chose to open with a Dragon Dance, bolstering his strength and speed. Mewtwo simply stared down his opponents.

Bob weighed his options. In that moment, the only members of his team who were free to attack were Zheil, Saucha, and Broshi. _'Saucha, use Power Gem on Rayquaza!' _Bob instructed. _'Zheil, throw down a smokescreen in front of Darkrai, and Broshi, use that for cover to attack him before he punishes Franz!'_

_'Hey, I don't normally take orders,' _Broshi dissented. _'But it's not like I have anything better in mind.'_

A sparkling beam fired from the gem on Saucha's forehead at the serpentine dragon, who coiled around it easily. Zheil reluctantly launched a dark projectile near Darkrai which exploded into a giant cloud of thick smoke, Broshi dashing close behind with his sword drawn. He slashed the space behind the smoke, only to connect with thin air where Darkrai had been moments before.

_'I would inform you of Darkrai's position,' _Sera broadcasted, _'but the minds of Dark-types are invisible to me.'_

_'See if you can wake Franz instead,' _Bob suggested.

_'It is impossible,' _lamented the Kadabra. _'The darkness is too strong. Franz is as untouchable as Darkrai.'_

_'Fine, then focus on Deoxys. We need all the firepower we can get.'_

Tryder sprang forth with an Extremespeed, heading for Bob's preferred target, only to be intercepted by an even faster Mewtwo using Me First, knocking Tryder to the ground. Deoxys then charged up for a powerful psychic attack on the downed Togekiss. A Shadow Ball, flung by Sera herself, crashed into the genetic Pokemon, causing it to lose its focus and stumble backwards. Rayquaza took the opportunity to lunge at the exposed Kadabra, though she was more than prepared for such an attack, teleporting to safety at the last moment. Saucha immediately fired another Power Gem at the confused Rayquaza, this time landing the hit.

Zheil, unable to wait any longer, unleashed an Eruption attack at Dialga. Seeing this as a challenge, the temporal legendary countered with a Roar of Time. The attacks collided, leaving naught but a weakened roar for which Zheil braced himself. Phaunt saw her chance to assail Dialga with a Sleep Powder, but the beast resisted. Palkia aimed a potent Hydro Pump at Phaunt to shoot her out of the air, but once again Sera was able to lend her reflexes, letting the Butterfree move away in time.

Darkrai, from his unseen perch, tormented Franz in his sleep with savage nightmares, draining his spirit. Broshi listened carefully, determined to stop the boogieman in his tracks, but despite how certain he was of where Darkrai was situated, he could not successfully strike him.

Bob glared across the town at Edwin. Something seemed off about the rival trainer. Particularly, his lack of verbally issuing commands to his team. _'Hang on a moment, I think he's using the same strategy we are!' _he angrily informed his party line. _'He must be using Mewtwo to enhance his team's reactiveness. That copycat! Take him out! Execute plan Laser Pointer Goose Chase!'_

All of Bob's team, with the exception of Broshi, knew exactly what Bob had in mind. Sera blinked directly onto Tryder's back as he took to the air again, flying about wildly and drawing attention to himself with a Follow Me. All six of the legendary Pokemon dropped what they were doing and focused on him and Sera.

_'I'm suddenly not so sure about this,' _thought Tryder nervously.

_'Relax and concentrate on flying,' _Sera reassured him.

Mewtwo wasted no time in summoning an Aura Sphere and casting it at the two of them. Tryder was more than familiar with the technique and knew that no amount of flying or teleporting could save them from getting hit by it.

Sera thought otherwise, however. She warped herself and Tryder to the opposite side of the town, and the Aura Sphere tracked their new location from a distance, stalling the collision. Palkia decided to speed things up by hurling a mighty Spacial Rend in their direction. Tryder flew under the attack, barely squeezing past it, then swerved to the right just out of reach of the sphere. Sera teleported again, this time above the merchant's building. Rayquaza, being nearest, assaulted the duo with an Outrage, and the Togekiss was once again tasked with flying out of the way, barely unable to prevent his wing from being struck.

Deoxys attempted to take advantage of his momentary falter with another Zap Cannon, but Broshi was standing by to lap it up with his tongue and spit it right back. Deoxys dodged the counter effortlessly, but it bought Tryder enough time to catch his breath.

While Mewtwo was focused on directing the Aura Sphere, Saucha came up from behind and swung a Thunderpunch. Mewtwo still managed to see this coming, sliding out of the Electric-type's reach, but right into the range of Phaunt's Bug Buzz. Slightly weakened by the super-effective move, Mewtwo momentarily lost his focus, which gave Zheil just enough of an opening to ram him with a powerful Double-Edge.

The Aura Sphere still chasing them, Sera waited until the last possible second to blink behind the smokescreen which still housed Darkrai. At that point, Tryder caught on to Sera's plan. The pressure that Mewtwo was feeling kept him from doing the same, and he blindly sent the projectile at them once again. The smoke cleared away in the presence of the sphere, which gave Tryder just enough vision to see Darkrai's location and guide the sphere. Before the nightmare Pokemon could react, Mewtwo's Aura Sphere connected. This heavy blow cost him his grip on Franz, who picked himself up wearily.

Darkrai suffered greatly from Sera and Tryder's trickery, but this only seemed to make him angry. Before he could retaliate, Tryder fired an Aura Sphere of his own, dealing enough damage to finish Darkrai off.

Bob glanced across triumphantly at Edwin, who was visibly shaken by the effectiveness of the maneuver, his fists clenched in rage.

"How do you like _them_ bananas?" taunted the younger trainer.

"Hmph," grunted Edwin, shaking it off. "Mewtwo, recover."

The opposing Psychic-type began to glow with a soft light. When it faded, nearly all of its injuries had vanished. Before Bob could comment on how unfair that was, Mewtwo followed up by gripping the already exhausted Tryder in a Psychic attack, knocking Sera off of him. Zheil dove at Mewtwo with another Double-Edge, only to get pummeled by a weaponized Togekiss. The two Pokemon fell into a pile, both of them winded.

The other legendaries were finally able to focus on other targets. Deoxys, taking on a light blue aura, charged at Broshi with startling speed and lifted him with both arms. The Yoshi was helpless as he was then slammed into the ground. Saucha aimed a Discharge at Palkia, who was still regaining its energy from the Spacial Rend attack, but Dialga stepped in front and took the hit instead, retaliating by stomping the ground and unleashing Earth Power right at her feet. Saucha took the full force of the Ground-type move, toppling over painfully.

Rayquaza set his sights on Sera with another Outrage. Rather than teleporting, Sera held out her hand, channeling her Psychic ability to hold him in place. Restraining such a powerful dragon took a large reserve of energy, so Phaunt came in from the side and sprinkled some more Sleep Powder to relieve her. Miraculously, the Rayquaza drifted off to sleep, letting Sera release him - by forcefully flinging him ground-ward. Franz crept up to the defenseless serpent with frozen jaws open wide, biting down. Rayquaza writhed in pain as the ice took over his body, even while under the effects of the Sleep Powder.

Bob, unwilling to let his Pokemon stay down, whipped out two Full Restores from his bag, one in each hand. _'I'm going in,' _he announced. _'Cover me.' _He ran into the battlefield somewhat recklessly, trusting his team.

Mewtwo followed the trainer's movements, considering attacking him directly, but his contemplation was interrupted by a protective Franz's Aqua Jet. "If you want Bob," he declared in his native tongue, "you'll have to go through me, first!"

"Do I?" Mewtwo retorted, leaning slightly to the left and stopping Bob in his tracks with his telekinesis. Everyone else at the scene froze as well. "Honestly, I should have done this to begin with." Bob writhed in midair, helpless against the mental grip of the psychic cat. "Now, if you want your precious human slaver to live, you'll surrender and give in to our demands. And if any of you take just one step towards either of us, well..." He flashed an evil smirk. "I'm sure you can guess what'll happen."

"What's... the matter...?" Bob strained, not an ounce of his confidence absent. "Afraid... you'll lose... in a fair fight...?"

"Silence, mortal!" Mewtwo tightened his hold, causing Bob to sputter.

Franz growled. _'Bob, Sera,' _he called out in thought, _'Tell me ONE of you has a plan...'_

_'Well, we sure as heck aren't surrendering!' _Bob defied. _'We need to find some way to block his psychic powers... but as far as I know, only Dark-types can do that.'_

Edwin laughed pompously. "So, what'll it be? Death or defeat? Do hurry up and decide, we don't have all night."

Sera thought about Bob's statement. The only Dark-type here was Darkrai, and even if he wasn't on Edwin's side, he was already knocked out. "What are your demands?" Sera tried, aiming to stall them.

"You will let Charge enter the session in place of Blah," Edwin explained. "That is all. I trust that even complete scatterbrains such as yourselves can remember a deal like that. And we only care that Blah is out of the game. The rest of you can play as normal. Now, is that such a difficult decision?"

"An interesting proposition," commented Sera, "especially since it implies that Charge is not already destined to enter, despite his status as Hailstorm's server player. Blah still has the ability to enter instead."

The corner of the cowboy's mouth twitched, realizing his slight slip-up. "Pardon me, but who has the leverage here?" he coolly dismissed. "None of that matters unless you're willing to sacrifice that atrocious hairdo!"

"But you said... it was fabulous," whined Bob, prompting another tightening from Mewtwo. Bob shrieked.

"That was when you were still on the fence about joining me, way back when," snapped Edwin. "We've wasted enough time. I'm giving you ten seconds to make your decision, or else we'll execute Bob regardless. One..."

_'Come on, Sera,' _egged on Broshi, struggling to his feet. _'There's gotta be a way we can come out on top. Look deep inside yourself. I'm sure you can come up with something!'_

"Two..."

Seraphina closed her eyes, entering a state of deep inner thought. Was it really worth risking Bob's life to pull some crazy, improvised stunt?

"Three..."

Bob did rescue and raise her after Charge captured her, so she would not be able to live with herself if something happened to him. However, she couldn't just let Charge have his way with the session, either.

"Four..."

The only way to completely block a Psychic-type was with a Dark-type. Perhaps with enough willpower, Sera could awaken and overtake the mind of Darkrai, but she was bound by the same rules that she wished to exploit.

"Five..."

Or was she? Despite her previous failures against dark and demonic presences, there was a voice in the back of her head telling her that it might just work. No logical explanation, no convoluted reasoning, just pure, raw instinct.

"Six..."

For once, Sera decided to trust this instinct. When logic fails, what else is there to turn to? She began to construct an extensive mental map of the network of minds present, leaving no stone unturned.

"Seven..."

Sure enough, much to her astonishment, she felt something unfamiliar among the mix. It was an eerie sensation, not unlike the omnipresent aura of the Underworld, except it did not repel her mind as it came close.

"Eight..."

Sera opened communication with this sinister soul. It did not respond, as it was unconscious, but perhaps if she gave it a gentle nudge...

"Nine... Ah, hello again Darkrai. Just in time to watch the death of the fool!"

Darkrai had awoken, and was now hovering in place, staring blankly at Bob and Mewtwo. "Do make yourself comfortable. The show is about to begin!" Slowly, the Dark-type approached Bob, holding out its ethereal arm.

"Erm..." Edwin rubbed his chin in confusion. "It was only a figure of speech, Darkrai. Give Mewtwo his space, if you would be so kind." Darkrai ignored him and continued. Edwin stamped the ground with his foot. "What are you doing? Now's not the time for games!"

Bob felt a clawed hand on his head. All he could manage to utter was a bewildered "Uhh..." before Darkrai sent a weak wave of darkness through his body. Instantly, the trainer dropped to the ground, maintaining the darkened aura, but able to move again.

"What is this insolence?!" yelled Mewtwo, already preparing an Aura Sphere. "I'm not afraid to put you down, Darkrai. I may not be able to touch you with Psychic, but you should know full well by now that a fully-charged Fighting-type move in your condition could end your tormented existence!"

Darkrai simply collapsed on the spot again. The utterly baffled Psychic-type let his sphere dissipate. A set of sturdy jaws clamped down on his unguarded back, bringing him to the ground. Franz had made his move, Crunching right into his spine.

"No!" cried Edwin as he watched his MVP twitch on the ground, gasping.

Mewtwo's eyes were as white as the moon, paralyzed as much by the turn of events as he was by Franz's bite. "How... how could this be...?"

Sera walked up to the fallen legendary Pokemon, a Shadow Ball forming in her hands. "You should be careful where you leave your puppets," Sera coldly advised, "or else anyone can pick up the strings."

She flung the ghostly orb, putting a stop to Mewtwo's uncomfortable twitching. She then glared at Edwin, instilling a subtle flinch.

A bead of sweat rolled down the foe's forehead as he returned all of his legendaries to their Pokeballs. "Y-you may have won the battle," he resigned, backing away, "but the war has only just begun!" With those parting words, he turned around and ran for the forest. However, after just a few steps, he realized his feet were no longer moving him. Sera had him locked in place.

The Kadabra teleported in front of the frozen Edwin. "The tables have turned. This time, you are going nowhere."

"Just what are you planning on doing with me?" Edwin asked, his perserverance weakened but still intact. "I already told you, I know nothing about Charge's plans, and killing me will not even dent them."

"Oh, but you must know _something_, being one of his minions." Sera casually walked back into town, the cowboy levitating at her side. "And we are going to squeeze every drop of information that we can out of you. After that, your fate will be in Blah's hands. Bob, open the door for me, would you?"

"I've taught you well," the trainer proudly stated, opening the door of the wooden shack for her. "Your one-liners could use a little work, but I gotta say, I couldn't have handled that any better myself!"

"That is because you were being held by Mewtwo," joked Sera as she tossed the captive into the corner. "Now let us see if we can find something to tie him up with."

_'How about these?' _Broshi entered the room, carrying a length of rope, a long, striped sock, and a handkerchief. _'I found Waluigi bound and gagged in that other building. I figured we could put his restraints to better use here.'_

"Wah, it was horrible..." A roughed-up Waluigi stumbled in behind him with one bare foot, coughing occasionally. "He watched so many episodes of My Little Pony, right in front of me... and wouldn't let me see any of them..."

"Preposterous," denied Edwin amidst Bob's wild laughter. "Ludicrous, even. I do not take joy in viewing the exploits of colorful ponies."

"It makes no difference to me; you are entitled to your own interests," said Sera, her lip faintly trembling as if holding back a chuckle of her own. "Hold still, please."

Edwin stared apprehensively at the sock which had been in Waluigi's mouth minutes before. "You can at least spare me the gag, if you're going to ask me questions, right?"

Bob laughed again. "Yeah, no. Sera can read minds. I thought even a complete scatterbrain like yourself could remember a detail like that. You're getting the whole prisoner package, bub!"

Edwin sighed. "Can't blame a man for trying..."


	55. A Stitch in Time

**Hey, guess who's still alive? Sorry for not updating over the past month or so, but it turned out I couldn't keep that once-a-week pace up forever, especially for the holidays. However, I am back! I can't guarantee that I'll be able to return to the old update schedule, but I do have the next chapter drafted so expect an update next week at least! In addition, I have revised up to chapter 5 since the last update, this time rewriting large parts of it again.**

**Happy new year, everyone! Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p>Chapter 55: A Stitch in Time<p>

The newly outfitted Blah bounded excitedly into the TARDIS, creating a symphony of metal-on-metal clanging sounds. "Alrighty then!" he cried. "I've got just one more stop to make before I finally get into the game, so Nook, set a course for Canterlot, on the double!"

"Aye, Blahsadfeguie sir!" saluted Tom Nook, getting into the spirit. "Shall I land us straight in the castle?"

"That'd be sensible..." Blah affirmed, but as he thought about it, something else came to mind. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that they were in a time machine, and could theoretically go to any time they wanted. "Although... how about sending us back to around, say..." He recalled what he had heard from Twilight regarding the time of the murder. "6:10 PM?"

"Whoa, hang on," Tails cut in, entering the phone box. "You're not thinking about _preventing _the murder, are you?! I mean, changing the course of history is guaranteed to put us on a different timeline, isn't it...?"

"Of course not," Blah reassured him. "Er, I'm not going to try and save Pinkie, rather. Due to the thing about the timelines. However, there's no rule against simply being there and witnessing what happened, right?"

"Oh, I see," Nook understood. "You just want to go there and find out for yourself what really happened, while remaining as hidden and unintrusive as possible."

Blah nodded. "If Discord's telling the truth, and I'm fairly certain he is, then Pinkie will be... was... will have been kidnapped around that time. I have to know whether or not I'm right, and maybe find out who took her while we're at it."

"As if it could be anybody but Charge..." muttered Dr. Eggman, having found his way inside as well.

"Do we even know where the alleged kidnapping took place?" asked Tails.

"Well, we found Discord in the sculpture garden," remembered Blah, instinctively scratching his head, but stopping at the sound of an unpleasant scraping noise. "...so, I'd say that's as good a place as any to start looking."

"And the kidnapping could hardly have taken place in a heavily populated area," added Nook. "Judging from the population density of the city, that narrows it down quite a bit."

"The garden itself _has_ been mostly deserted today. As far as civilians go, anyway." Blah leaned back against the wall. "So, without further ado..."

"Wait!" Professor E. Gadd stood in the doorway of the TARDIS. "May I come with you? I'm curious as to how this time machine operates, and perhaps I may be of assistance elsewhere."

"I don't see why not," shrugged Blah. Everyone nodded in agreement, with the exception of Dr. Eggman, who wasn't so sure the eccentric old man could be too helpful. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll explain everything on the way."

"Ohh, splendid!" E. Gadd remarked as he closed the door behind him. He looked around the room curiously. "I don't suppose there are any seatbelts? Or seats, at least?"

"Not really," Tom Nook answered, starting to work the console and start the engine. "Normally, you just pick something to hold onto when things get bumpy. Like right about now. Hoho!"

With the pull of a lever, the interior shook violently, giving the man barely enough time to react. It was all he could do to reach out and grasp the railing, keeping himself from falling over. As the initial shock wore off, and the ship began to move, he found himself rather enjoying the ride.

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><p>The TARDIS wound to a halt, landing rather clunkily in a mass of thick, tall shrubbery. It suddenly occurred to Blah that the thing wasn't exactly built for stealth, and he doubted anyone who was nearby could have missed such a massive and loud object materializing in the bushes, but it was too late now.<p>

"I say, that was quite the thrill!" E. Gadd was the first to speak, laughing jovially. "If a trip spanning several hours is that wild, I'd love to see what a longer one would be like!"

"Hmm, you'd be the first to enjoy riding the TARDIS..." commented Nook, shutting it down. "Anyway, let's tone it down a bit, hm? We wouldn't want anyone to find us here."

"Right-o, sorry," the professor concurred, lowering his voice.

Blah headed for the door. "All right," he quietly announced, "I'll go out alone. Less chance of being caught that way. Also, we wouldn't want to leave the TARDIS unattended." Everyone nodded.

Slowly, Blah slid open the door to the phone box. He was immediately met with a wall of foliage. He carefully brushed past it, disappearing into the bushes.

Navigating the tangled mess of leaves and branches left Blah wishing for a machete or something, but eventually, he found the point where the plant matter ended. He pulled open the brush, creating a small viewing window for himself, and saw exactly what he expected to see: an empty cobblestone pathway, with a matching array of bushes on the opposite side.

He looked both ways down the path, seeing no signs of life, pony or otherwise. _'Well, at least we picked a good spot to land,' _thought Blah, somewhat relieved. _'But Pinkie and Discord could be anywhere in this garden, and it's practically a maze.'_

The place was eerily silent. There wasn't even a singing bird or a stray breeze to create background noise. If Pinkie and Discord were around here together, surely he would have been able to hear some kind of chatter, or at least hoofsteps.

As he stared blankly into the bushes across from him, focusing on listening to his surroundings, he nearly missed the pair of eyes staring back at him.

Blah withdrew in a panic, letting the branches fall back into place. His eyes had locked with theirs. He had been spotted, and he was sure of it. Was there even a point in trying to hide now?

Several seconds passed, and still the garden remained silent. Maybe he hadn't been spotted after all? Slowly, he opened the viewport again in a different location, to see if he could get a good look at whoever it was. Once again, he was met with the same pair of eyes staring at the same space, unmoving and unblinking.

_'If eyes are windows to the soul, then these are brick walls,' _thought Blah. He tried sticking his head out into the path. At this point, he just wanted to see if he could get a reaction out of them. Just as he thought, the eyes did nothing. He stepped out onto the path and tried poking his finger into one of the eyes. It stopped abruptly with a light tapping noise, indicating that they were solid. Confidently, he brushed the leaves away from the objects, revealing them to be two eggs, roughly the size of chicken eggs, with black dots painted on them.

Blah picked up the eggs. It was apparent that whoever put them there knew that somebody would be hiding in the exact bush that he chose, looking across at them. Was it a prank? A decoy?

Before he could contemplate the meaning of the eggs any further, they began to wobble ever so slightly in his hands. A crack appeared on one of them, then the other. Blah was mortified at the realization that whoever-it-was decided to use fertile eggs for their purposes, whatever they were, until he saw what hatched from them.

Sitting in the palms of his hands were Jelly Jiggler and Don Patch, wearing fake beaks and feathers.

"Mama! Mama!" they cried, amidst high-pitched peeping noises.

Blah had to take a moment to process what he was seeing, and not just because his internal processors had difficulty processing it either. Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, dressed as chicks, had hatched out of eggs that were far too small for them and were now sitting in his hands. Finally, he expressed the entirety of his confusion through a single syllable. "What."

"Mama, I'm hungry!" whined Jelly, opening his beak-mouth wide.

"Yeah, hurry up with the grub already!" Don followed up. "We gotta get our energy back up after breaking through those tough shells!"

"You mean the shells that probably would have broken on their own on account of holding something that couldn't fit?" argued Blah, frustrated. "Sorry, I can't be your mama now!" He set them onto the ground. "I'm on... very important business." He ended with a whisper, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to be as stealthy as possible.

"Y-you're not our m-mama?" stuttered Jelly, who started to cry.

"Uh oh... when our real mama comes back, you're really gonna get it!" Don hugged his bawling bird-brother, pointing accusingly at Blah.

The robotic fox simulated a roll of his eyes. "Let me guess, Bo-bobo's the mother bird?"

"And what is the meeeeeaning of this?!" A booming, yodeling falsetto voice drew Blah's gaze to the sky, where he saw Bo-bobo, as expected. Instead of a bird costume, however, Bo-bobo wore a horned helmet and shining, somewhat scant valkyrie armor. Two long, braided pigtails hung from his afro, and he carried a massive golden battleaxe with wing-shaped blades. And to top it all off, his mount was none other than Discord himself.

"Good heavens aboooove!" bellowed Bo-bobo, descending onto the path. "What have you done to my baaaaaabies?!" He hopped off of Discord and made a beeline for Don and Jelly, taking them in his arms.

"It seems the foul automaton tried to steal them from you, O Valiant Queen of the Valkyreagles!" assessed Discord. Bo-bobo turned his angry, petrifying glare toward Blah, brandishing his battleaxe threateningly.

"Hey man, chill out!" Blah pleaded as he backed away submissively. His best, and only, guess at this point was that the Hajikelists had set up some kind of ambush for Pinkie's would-be kidnapper in advance, and that they mistook Blah for an enemy. "It's really me, Blahsadfeguie! I would never kidnap anyone!"

"Ha!" scoffed Don. "Nice try... not! If you think we're falling for that obvious trick, evil robot, you're dead wrong! And also just plain dead! Right, mama?"

"Actually..." Bo-bobo returned to his normal voice, lowering his axe. "This robot has a familiar, almost cheesy smell."

"That's right, I-" Blah stopped. "Wait, cheesy?"

Discord approached, examining the robot's head closely with a magnifying glass. "Yep, there's a human soul in there all right," he confirmed. "And I'd recognize that Hajike signature anywhere. It's Blah for sure!"

"Whaaaaaaat?!" yelled Don and Jelly simultaneously, their costumes falling apart.

"What happened?" asked Bo-bobo, stuffing his axe into his afro. "You lose a bet?"

"Long story short, I died," explained Blah. His casual tone only served to strengthen the shock value of the news. "Sera caught my soul before it escaped, and then we put it into this robot. But nevermind all that. I'm here to find out what really happened to Pinkie Pie." He paused, realizing that any hopes he had of remaining discreet were completely shot. He figured he might as well get some information while he was there. "So, uh, for starters, what are you guys d-"

The sound of rustling bushes from behind interrupted Blah. Expecting a fight, he turned around, only to see Tom Nook, wielding an axe of his own, with Dr. Eggman, Tails, and E. Gadd taking up the rear. Seeing no immediate threat, Nook put away his weapon. "Is everyone all right out here?" the confused raccoon asked. "We heard shouting."

"Yeah, it sounded like you were being attacked," Tails added.

"No, no, I'm fine," Blah dismissed. "The mission's kind of compromised, but there's nothing we can do about that now. We're here, they know it, and the timeline's just going to have to deal with it."

"So, if I'm hearing this correctly," began Discord, "something happens to Pinkie Pie in the future, so you brought your time machine to witness it yourself without altering the timeline?"

"That's the gist of it, yeah," Blah nodded. "Where is she, anyway? With you?"

"Funny story, I could've sworn she was here just a minute ago..." Discord looked at Bo-bobo, who shrugged.

Suddenly, the familiar sounds of a certain engine rang through the air. Blah felt an unpleasant twinge where his gut would have been. He turned around, doing a quick head count of everyone present, and the twinge intensified as he realized that nobody was guarding the TARDIS. Everyone else who had arrived with him had the same idea, followed by the same reaction.

A flash of pink caught Blah's eye. Through the space in the bushes hastily wrenched open by his worried party, he had a clear sight of the blue box's open door, in which stood Pinkie Pie, waving happily to them.

"Hi Blah! Bye Blah!" the pony cried as the machine began to dematerialize.

A surge of panic and bewilderment coursed through Blah's wiring. "Pinkie, wait!" he called, sprinting into the bushes after her. However, the door had already closed and the booth had already become intangible. Blah crashed face-first into the shrubbery behind where the TARDIS had been moments prior.

Blah remained motionless in deep, flabbergasted thought. Somehow, Pinkie had managed to slip by undetected and hijack the time machine while everyone was distracted with each other. But why? Did she know what she was doing, or was she simply playing around? Where did she go? By simply wanting to observe the past, did Blah inadvertantly trigger the sequence of events that leads to Pinkie's death?

"You shouldn't just leave your expensive, reality-altering toys out for others to play with, you know," scolded Discord impishly.

"That wasn't my fault!" Blah countered, throwing himself back onto his feet and aggressively staring down his away team. "I wasn't the one who was supposed to be watching the thing! I mean, I know you thought I was in trouble, and I appreciate the concern, but did you _all_ have to come out of there?"

"You never know what to expect from Charge's goons," Eggman defended himself. "I thought you might need all the help you could get. I figured at least Shorty here would stay behind and look after it, but I guess I was wrong." He stared indignantly at the professor, crossing his arms.

"To be perfectly honest," E. Gadd admitted, "I couldn't possibly trust myself alone with such a remarkable vessel."

"And neither can I, apparently!" Blah flung his arms into the air. "Great! I thought we might finally be able to get some answers for once, but all we wound up with was more questions, and the added bonus of having a time machine stolen from under our noses by the least predictable pony in Equestria!"

"Can Blah go two hours without having a mental breakdown...?" muttered Tails.

"And as for the icing on the cake, Discord," Blah pointed sharply at the ruler of chaos, "you lied to me! Pinkie wasn't kidnapped at all!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Discord backed away. "I haven't lied to you _yet_! If you have a problem, take it up with future me! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very important appointment in a couple of minutes. Ciao!" He then proceeded to bite his own tail and eat his way up it, getting smaller and smaller until he vanished completely.

Blah turned around to confront Bo-bobo, but he and his baby birds had already flown the coop at some point as well. Blah slumped over, pounding the cobblestone with his fist. He knew that there was nothing he could do for several hours until his current self traveled back in time, lest he risk messing with the timeline further.

"Well, we have a few hours to kill," sighed Tom Nook. "We should use the time to speculate what happened, hm?"

Blah had no objections. "Ok, let's start with where the TARDIS is," he opened.

E. Gadd cleared his throat. "If it's anything like my own time machine, I may be able to track its journey through spacetime with one of my gadgets."

Everyone else perked up simultaneously. "Well why didn't you say so?" questioned Blah, standing up. "Go for it!"

Without hesitation, Gadd produced another dual-screened handheld device, or perhaps it was the same one, as far as Blah knew. The professor wandered to the spot from which the TARDIS departed. He pressed a few buttons and held up the device, and a few electronic pings later, his face lit up with interest.

"Hmm, curious..." he uttered, reading the display. "There's some interference, but I've managed to discern the machine's destination. Target time: 5 years from now. Target location: unknown, but it's somewhere far, far underground..."

Blah froze. "The Underworld. The Omega Timeline." He slapped his forehead. "I can't believe I forgot about that."

"Oh, that's right!" cried Tails. "You told me what happened! Pinkie brought the TARDIS to the Underworld after you beat the Wall of Flesh... and she must've come from right here and now!"

"But that can't be right..." continued Blah. "She told me she found it in Ponyville. This is Canterlot. Don't tell me Pinkie lied to me as well..."

"Sure sounds like it," asserted Dr. Eggman, not helping Blah's mood in the slightest.

"She had good reason to," Nook pointed out. "If you had any idea that Pinkie was going to take the TARDIS under your watch, you might have tried to prevent it, hm? She had the integrity of the timelines in mind."

"So she does know more than she's letting on," Blah concluded. "There's no other explanation by this point. So, as for the Pinkie we discovered in the castle..." Blah's heart sank like a brick as he put two and two together. "When Charge sent us back to the Alpha timeline, we left Pinkie with him... so he could have easily..." He weakly turned around, facing the sunset. "So it _was_ my fault. If I wasn't so obsessed with finding Pinkie's killer, she would still be alive right now..."

"But _you_ wouldn't be." Blah's head turned, meeting Tails's comforting gaze. "Nor would Hailstorm, or Seraphina, or Broshi. If it weren't for her, you all would never have escaped the underworld. By taking the time machine that you brought, she was able to save all four of you at the cost of her own life, and she knew it from the beginning."

Blah considered the words of his likeness. It certainly sounded like her to have had everything planned from the start. But if she could think that far ahead, why couldn't she prevent her own death while she was at it? If she was planning on leaving him, she certainly did an excellent job of hiding it from him. Which, on the other hand, didn't sound like her at all.

"You have a point..." Blah responded, "but I don't think it ends there. She also knew that we would be reuniting again." He faced the castle with renewed confidence. "She expects me to prototype her. It's the only way she could face her premature death."

"Uh... are you sure about that?" Tails asked, fearing once again for Blah's sanity. "You did say it wasn't a fate you'd wish upon anyone... and is it really that hard to believe that Pinkie could let you go?"

"Looks to me like _you're_ the one who can't let _her_ go..." commented Eggman.

"I think we should humor Blah at the very least," Nook argued. "Loved ones make excellent and loyal sprites, for starters, and part of the point of SBURB is to grant second chances to those that deserve them. If what you say is true, I think Pinkie has earned a second chance with Blah, regardless of whether or not she planned for one."

There was silence, as no-one could refute Nook's statement. "Thank you, Tom," Blah praised. "Now, we have an incomplete robot, four scientific minds, and a few hours to kill. I think I know the perfect way to pass the time."

* * *

><p>"I'll start simple for you. Where did you obtain all those legendary Pokemon?"<p>

Bob Sladfigy allowed the uncomfortably bound Edwin very little space, staring him down in an attempt to intimidate him. Broshi and Seraphina stood on either side, supervising the interrogation.

Edwin's eyes met Bob's confidently. _'Charge provided me with them,' _he thought, with Sera broadcasting. _'I'd like to know how he got them just as badly as you do.'_

"Is that so?" Sera responded. "Surely, then, you would not mind helping us figure that out?"

_'And betray Charge?' _questioned Edwin. _'I've sworn my loyalty to him. Even when faced with death, I serve to the end.'_

_'So what is it about this guy that you'd risk your own life for him?' _Broshi stepped in.

_'Simple. Charge and I have been close friends ever since we were children. We both have the same goal: to preserve the multiverse.'_

"Yeah, about that," Bob discredited, crossing his arms. "If you guys claim to be on the same side as us, why do you keep trying to ruin our plans?"

Broshi rolled his eyes. _'He talks like he's been a part of our group for as long as Blah has...'_

Edwin shot Bob a condescending glare. _'Because, well, to put it in terms you'd understand, you're doing it wrong.'_

"Care to explain what you believe is 'right' then?" Sera requested.

The cowboy shifted around, getting as comfortable as he could. _'By playing SBURB, you plan to gradually isolate each universe, as well as its central Jewel, with the intention to smash it. We happen to know a lot more about the Jewels of Universe than you do. Smashing them only results in more chaos. The pieces might sort themselves out eventually, but there's no guarantee that the universes will end up the way they were before the collision. The only way to revert all universes back to normal, one hundred percent separate and intact, is to win the game while protecting the Jewels from harm.'_

Both Broshi and Bob had their doubts that this was the truth. They looked to Sera, expecting analysis of Edwin's statement.

Sera herself was conflicted as well. "He does not appear to be lying," she announced. "And I must say, his explanation makes sense. If you smash a vase, for instance, even if you put all the pieces back into their proper places with a suitable adhesive, the adornment will still have visible cracks and abnormalities."

"Whoa, Sera, you defending him?" Bob exclaimed, shocked.

_'Yeah, remember what happened when you said that Charge wasn't lying?' _Broshi brought up. _'Trusting any of these jokers never leads to anything good.'_

Sera certainly did not forget the trickery that Charge pulled, but at the same time, the only other source of information about the Jewels from which they had heard was a single book in Twilight Sparkle's library. Neither the book nor Edwin could be considered a reliable resource; either one could be true. And if Edwin were correct, smashing the jewels may cause irreversible damage.

"If this is true," Sera continued, "why did you not tell us this sooner?"

_'Would you have believed us if we did?' _Edwin countered.

Sera remained unperturbed. "You have a point - ever since you appeared, you have incited wars, corrupted entire civilizations, and murdered innocent lives. If your motivation is for the good of the multiverse, why are you causing its denizens such suffering?"

_'When the universes are separated, their timelines will separate as well, causing them to reset. None of our actions leading up to that point will stay as a part of history. No one will remember us. If nothing we do is going to matter in the end, why not take the easy, efficient route and assume total control over all of this universe's resources?'_

Bob loudly stomped the floor, furious at the cowboy's dismissive attitude. "If you really and truly cared about this world," he shouted, glaring threateningly at Edwin, "you'd find another way to gain its 'resources'. Like, I dunno, earning everyone's trust? I mean, if they knew you were trying to help them, they'd gladly return the favor!"

_'Once again, you are completely wrong.' _Edwin showed no signs of faltering either. _'Did you already forget what I said? Restoring the universes involves resetting their timelines. Not everyone wants to reset, you know. The original collision created a new timeline of its own. Things happened. People made acquaintances, friendships, relationships. If this timeline were erased, Astra wouldn't even exist, and neither would Blahsadfeguie, just to name a few.'_

Broshi shook his head. _'That can't be right. Most of the people I talked to hadn't seen anything from other universes until after Blah showed up.'_

Sera's curiosity was piqued, however. Astra's parents certainly sounded like they originated from different universes, but she knew nothing about Blah's origin, and neither did he. "What do you know about Blah?" the Kadabra demanded.

_'He has family here,' _Edwin tersely replied. _'That's all I know. Search me all you like, you won't find another tidbit of information about him.'_

Sera returned to the possibility that Blah and Astra were somehow related. They were very similar in many ways, for sure. The signs seemed to point to "yes". But there was no way to know for sure. Eggman already attested that his daughter was an only child, but they had yet to hear from her mother, and time travel was always a possibility.

"Wah!" Sera's thoughts were interrupted by a loud squeal from the door. Everyone turned around to see Waluigi standing there with an armful of Pokeballs.

"There you are," Bob acknowledged impatiently. "What took you so long? All you had to do was take our Pokemon to be healed..."

"I saw a moving light in the sky..." stated Waluigi. "It's headed this way."

Bob wasn't convinced this was a very good excuse, but his concern and fatigue outweighed his anger. "Fine, this better be important," he conceded, he and Sera following Waluigi outside. Broshi stayed behind to keep an eye on Edwin.

Looking up into the night sky, the three of them spotted a small white light in the distance, moving slowly towards them. Sera's sensitive ears picked up a soft whir. She identified it as some sort of machine or small vehicle, and probably harmless given its slow speed.

"Who goes there?" Bob yelled to the sky, apparently having a different idea. "I gotta warn you, I'm not in the mood for trouble."

"Good, because neither am I," a synthetic voice answered. The source of the light lowered, becoming close enough for the others to make out the shape of a certain robotic fox, carrying something slightly bigger than itself. Its tails spun rapidly, blending into a transparent circle.

"Welcome back, Blah," greeted Sera as her first companion came in for a landing.

"This is Blah?!" cried the utterly astonished Bob.

"We have succeeded in liberating Blahtown from the forces of Charge without casualty," reported Sera, ignoring Bob. "What have you been up to? Where is the TARDIS?"

"What in the name of Arceus is a TARDIS?!" Bob pleaded, his lack of knowledge getting to him.

Blah touched down, his tails slowing to a stop, and he set down the body of Pinkie Pie. "Oh, don't worry about it," he undermined, capitalizing on the trainer's confusion. "I've caught up with the god of chaos, had my flight system finished, and brought the dead body of my girlfriend back to be turned into a ghost, but not before she took my time machine to close a time loop. And now I'm about to buckle down and finally play this reality-bending game to restore 8 universes back to normal. Pretty standard stuff." Bob's jaw hung open. "Did you guys learn anything new?"

Bob stuttered and hastily straightened himself, reverting to a state of false calmness and control. "W-well, we just put a smug cowboy with a full team of legendary Pokemon in his place, and he told us a story about magical jewels holding the universe together and how we're not supposed to smash them, and that resetting the universe will stop you from existing." He placed his hands on his hips, confident that he had suitably matched the ramblings of Blah and perhaps confused him a little as well.

Blah nodded. "I see..." His unexaggerated reaction disappointed Bob. "...I hope you didn't believe him."

"Edwin had a solid point," Sera explained. "And he was telling the truth, as far as I could tell. His malicious history is currently the only thing hurting his credibility compared to our original sources."

Blah hesitated, but signified his early surrender with a shrug. "Well, we can argue about what that self-righteous jerk said later. I just want to get my entry into the medium over with already, don't you?"


	56. Reunion

Chapter 56: Reunion

Blah sat down at the table and lifted the lid of his laptop for the first time in over 20 years. The rather ancient computer took several seconds to light back up from sleep mode, and after quickly punching in his password, he was met with a freeze frame of Discord confronting Twilight Sparkle.

He heard a snort from behind him. "He really _was_ watching ponies..." Bob muttered with a short chuckle.

Blah nonchalantly closed the media player and restored the only other running program - the SBURB server application. The viewport showed Hailstorm flying just outside of his cloud house, making target practice out of the various, grounded pinkish imps.

"Man, Edwin must have really liked ponies to be watching two episodes at once," Bob laughed.

"This one isn't a cartoon show," stated Blah. "It's the game of SBURB, showing us what my client player is doing right now. In real life," he added with a touch of hesitation, as he had to remind himself that everything he was experiencing, although far from normal by his standards, was indeed reality.

"Oh, you're right, I remember that one!" Bob exclaimed, glad that he was able to finally recognize something ever since things got complicated. "Uh, what was his name again... 'Winter' something... right?"

"Hailstorm," Blah patiently corrected, double clicking the Pesterchum icon.

"Yeah, I knew that," lied Bob as the chat program popped up.

Blah immediately opened up his session's memo again. Out of the five other video feeds present, only three of them were currently in use.

"...keepin' on, you'll see them again before long!" Beats's unmistakable, optimistic voice was the first thing he heard. Joining him in the chat were Reed, who appeared to be half-asleep, and a face that caused Blah's processor to skip a beat. It was Swift Star, looking a little glum.

"Hey, who's this good-looking brobot?" greeted Beats, noticing the new arrival.

But Blah was too distracted by the appearance of his adoptive father to acknowledge his vegetable friend. "Dad...?" he uttered, leaning in closer to the screen.

Swift perked up upon hearing the syllable, and noticed the robot for himself. He squinted, unsure what exactly he was looking at, but the voice rang just the right bell. "Light?" he responded in disbelief. "Is that you, son?"

The two gazed at each other from opposite sides of the internet. Although neither of them were exactly as the other remembered, they were both certain that this was a reunion long overdue.

Blah nodded. "Yep, it's me..." A tear formed in the ghostly pegasus's eye upon hearing his confirmation. "Dad, I'm so sorry that I left like that without saying anything... At the time, I had no idea what I was getting into..."

"It's ok, Light." Swift looked upon his son with unquestioning pride. "You were just following your destiny. After so many years of finding yourself, who could blame you?" Blah glanced away. "And I already know your true identity. It caught me by surprise, for sure, but... no matter who you were, are, or will become, I'll always be proud to call you my son."

"Jeez, just how much did I miss..." Bob whispered to Sera, stunned at the scene unfolding before him. "What has Blah even been through?"

"Too much," Sera responded. "We have all been through too much."

Bob paused. "That doesn't explain a thing, you know. Why is he a robot who's apparently related to a pony ghost?"

"Charge turned him into a pony foal and sent him back in time 20 years, where he was adopted by this stallion," Sera exasperately explained. "Then Discord turned Blah into a woman. Then, you killed him, and I took in his soul." Bob grimaced. "Then he was Tails for a while, and finally, we acquired a robotic body for him."

This answer didn't satisfy him as much as he thought it would. "...is there anything he _hasn't_ been?" Bob asked.

"Well-rested," Sera finished simply.

"You done?" Blah had turned around in his chair, having been interrupted by the no-longer-quiet chatter behind him. "I'm kinda having a heartfelt moment here."

"Hang on, did I just hear that that human boy killed you?" Swift cried in bewilderment.

"It wasn't his finest hour," Beats remarked.

"Argh, just nevermind," asserted Blah, shaking his head. "The past is the past. All I know is, as soon as I enter the medium, I'm going straight to Moros and finding one of those genetic facilities. Once I've got my old human body back, this game is as good as beat."

"Genetic _what_?!" yelled Bob. The trainer was about ready to pull out his hair. "As soon as one question is answered, another one's right around the corner! How do you even keep up with all this insanity?!"

"SBURB adventures tend to get pretty complicated," sighed Swift. "Part of the challenge is sorting through all the madness. Speaking of which, even if you could find a way to reach the sixth gate early, I wouldn't go to LOGAS just yet."

"It's Moros, not 'logas'," Blah replied. "And why not? I can fly."

"You might know it as Moros, but according to Skaia, it's the Land of Gods and Subjects," Swift stoically clarified. "Anyway, those gates are up that high for a reason. You're supposed to build up to them gradually, so that by the time you reach them, you're ready for what's on the other side. Like I told you a million times, son, you can't just blindly rush into everything and expect to have a good time."

Blah groaned quietly. It certainly felt like he had this conversation a million times. "Yeah, well, most people who play the game start it at the bottom of their echeladder. I've gone through a lot, remember? I should be halfway up the thing by now." Blah was stricken with realization. "Uh, how do I check my echeladder?"

"Should I even bother asking what an echeladder is?" Bob cut in.

"It's basically a level system for the game," Blah briefly defined. "Except instead of numbers, each level has a unique title tailored to the individual. And I'm kinda curious as to what some of my titles are..."

"Thank you for actually throwing me a bone for once," voiced Bob, somewhat sarcastically.

"There's an application in the SBURB game folder that shows you your echeladder," Swift told Blah. "Take a quick look at it, who knows, maybe you're right. You've grown up so fast, I'm barely getting used to the fact that you're your own stallion now... or, man, or robot, or whatever."

While his dad digressed, Blah navigated to the folder in which SBURB had been installed, almost instantly finding a program labeled " ". Upon launching it, the screen displayed a tall black box that rapidly populated itself with various titles on the right, next to an image of himself as Metal Tails on the left. The size of his echeladder was quite intimidating, especially with the scrollbar shrinking so quickly. Finally, the ladder stopped expanding, coming to rest on what was presumably Blah's current rung: Faux Fox, having just surpassed the rung of Gemiknight.

Blah studied the titles present. They seemed to be indicative of recent events, but the progression of said events was rather fast. Below Gemiknight was Soul Survivor, and below that, Mrs. Dousedfire, with Milky Wayfarer apparently marking the last rung achieved as Light Star. He glanced at the scroll bar, noting that it was positioned about a third of the way from the bottom. He still had a long way to go.

Out of curiosity, he scrolled to the bottom. and was greeted with such rung names as Gel Guzzler, Eater of Snacks, and Punslinger. As much as he liked the idea of a list of titles of increasing awesomeness specifically about him, he would have to look at them later.

"Okay, so I'm actually about one third of the way up," relayed Blah, "but I don't have to do this alone. I'll get about three of the other players to help."

"Me and Broshi will have to focus on getting settled," Sera added. "Reed does not look busy, though."

The fox snapped to attention upon hearing his name. "Uh... yeah, sure! Whatever she said!"

"It'll be a good way for the Page to gain experience, eh?" Blah made his case.

"Just promise me you'll come back alive?" Swift gave in.

Blah nodded happily. "Of course! Quite literally, in fact!" He turned around. "Sera, you and Bob go to your battle stations and connect to me as my server. Give Broshi a lift while you're at it. Let's do this thing!"

"What about Edwin?" Bob brought up. "He's kinda outlived his usefulness, and we can't just leave him here alone."

Blah considered his options. He could kill him, as Discord wanted, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they could still use the cowboy for something. Blah swallowed his pride and turned to the thin mustachioed man sitting quietly in the corner. "Waluigi," he addressed, "look after Edwin, would you? I'll decide what to do with him later."

The demolitionist gave a cheesy salute. "Wah! You can count on me, boss!" He scrambled out the door and made his way to the wooden shack.

"If you say so," shrugged Bob. "I just want to get back to the action."

Broshi entered the room, quizzically glancing back at Waluigi. _'I don't know if putting him in charge of the prisoner is a good idea,' _stated Broshi. _'But thanks for relieving me, anyway. He was giving me the evil eye something fierce.'_

"Broshi, Bob, please get ready," Sera warned the Yoshi before teleporting onto his back and grabbing Bob's hand. "We are leaving. See you on Pesterchum, Blah."

Although it was a little sudden, Broshi silently accepted, having gotten used to the pace by now. Bob saw Blah off with a light wave as the three of them disappeared. Blah kicked back in his chair, and mere moments later, Sera's face appeared in the memo, in front of a rather run-down wooden wall. Through a window, Blah could make out various leaves and branches, implying that Sera had found a treehouse.

"We are installing SBURB on Bob's computer," informed Sera.

"Good, good," Blah praised as he idly checked the server window. Hailstorm was standing next to his alchemy equipment with his tablet, chatting with someone, as Swift looked over his shoulder. Hail's video feed had disappeared as well. "Who's Hailstorm talking to?" Blah asked.

"Probably Bellia," yawned Reed. "She seems to think Hail's lack of random knick-knacks to alchemize with is a good challenge for her."

"Blah, have you decided when to prototype Pinkie?" Sera cut in.

Blah had given it some thought while he was being upgraded. "I'll go with pre-entry." There was mild astonishment from the chatroom, particularly Beats. "I don't want to risk altering her personality with other prototypes, and I'm sure she'd feel the same way. Also, I like the idea of having her engrained into some of our enemies. Maybe they'll convert to our side, or be less focused at least."

"A sound arguement," Sera agreed. "Alright, SBURB has been installed. Connecting now."

Despite not having a heart, Blah still felt one beating heavily in his chest. Or perhaps that was his internal machinery accelerating to provide extra processing power as an adrenaline analogue. Either way, his anticipation was palpable.

A flash from his computer's taskbar indicated that the connection completed. Sera wasted no time deploying the three devices into the empty space that Blah had reserved back when the house was first built, followed by the pre-punched card directly onto the table. Blah grabbed the card, pulled out his Pwnhammer, and strolled over to the Cruxtruder.

"I trust you know what to do?" Sera asked as Blah pounded on the lid of the device, popping it off with ease. A crimson kernelsprite bounded out of it.

"Hah!" Blah laughed. "Are you kidding? I have been _dreaming_ of this moment!" He turned the wheel and grabbed the cruxite dowel, colored a similar red. His curiosity getting the better of him, he took a few moments to examine the material. It appeared to be a sort of opaque, thick glass.

"I don't like the looks of that timer..." Bob's voice could be heard from the computer, but Blah paid no attention. He inserted the card and the dowel into the Totem Lathe, letting it carve while he approached Pinkie Pie's body.

"Blah, I do not mean to exert any pressure," began Sera, "but you only started with forty-seven s-"

"Yeah yeah, keep your mustache on," Blah interrupted, gently feeding Pinkie to the Kernelsprite. "I got this." Blah gazed into the flashing orb, which now contained Pinkie's face, blinking in and out of obscurity. While her form was not yet fully realized, seeing her face was enough to reignite the fire in his soul. He leaned in closer, quietly uttering a single syllable: "Soon."

"You can make out with your little pony later," Bob shouted urgently. "Thirty seconds, guy!"

Bob's borderline insult aggravated Blah enough to draw his attention to how little time he had left. The timer on the Cruxtruder read 29 seconds. "Holy-!" he exclaimed, not even expending any time on finishing his expletive as he rushed to retrieve his carved totem.

With totem in hand, and 20 seconds to spare, Blah dove at the Alchemiter. He slammed the red object onto the pedestal, activating the scanning arm. Precious seconds ticked away as he waited for the painfully slow laser to run its course.

Ten seconds left. Blah had his hammer at the ready. A shiny red safe appeared atop the platform. Blah's fingers twitched anxiously. The dial spun around once, twice, thrice. Five seconds. The door finally opened, producing a glowing red jewel. Three seconds. Blah leaped at the jewel, his tails spinning. One second. With a resounding crash, the jewel was smashed asunder, enveloping the entirety of Blahtown in a white light. All that remained was a smoking crater where the meteor hit mere moments later.

* * *

><p>"I think, therefore I am."<p>

Blah found himself uttering these words aloud into the stone floor upon which he had collapsed. He guessed it was a subroutine inserted by Tails, meant to run on booting up as a failsafe to remind Blah that he was sentient. It worked.

It took him a while to question why he had just rebooted, as well as why he was on the ground. As he recalled the events that had just transpired, he realized the answers to both of those questions were the same. He had cut his entry so close that the meteor had left a partial impact on the house.

But what about the rest of Blahtown? Blah gradually picked himself up and looked out of the window. All four buildings had made the journey mostly intact, but the town had been relocated to a small island in the middle of the ocean, just big enough for all of it. Nothing out of the ordinary for SBURB.

Coming up to the next concern on his list gave Blah a sudden jolt. "Pinkie..."

He turned around. Just as he hoped, the sprite had developed into the ghostly form of Pinkie Pie. Blah stood frozen as he waited for her to say something and confirm that the process was successful. Pinkiesprite stared silently back with an uncharacteristic, blank expression.

"Pinkie...?" Blah attempted, stepping carefully closer. "It's me, Blah... are you okay?"

The sprite continued to stare, unresponsive. She blinked. "Oh, do you mean me?" she asked. "Yes, I'm fine." Her voice was completely unfitting. It sounded like Pinkie's voice, but there was no emotion behind it whatsoever.

"Uh..." Blah tilted his head awkwardly, his spirits diminishing. Unless she was playing some kind of elaborate joke, this was not the Pinkie that Blah knew. "Do you, er, remember anything?"

"I remember... a room," she answered stoically, barely moving. "Then, suddenly, pain. Followed by darkness." She spoke as if recalling something mundane, like a meal.

"Sera...?" Blah called slowly, his confusion manifesting as a series of cloudy, frantic processes trying to decipher what had happened.

"Hmm." The Kadabra, her eyes narrowed, studied the scene intently. "Strange. From what I can tell, prototyping summons the soul originally owned by the chosen body from wherever it is, if one exists, or creates a new one otherwise."

"So you're saying this Pinkie has a brand new soul?" exclaimed the stunned robot. "Her soul didn't exist...?"

"D'ja think that maybe the body you found was a fake?" Beats chimed in.

"Impossible," denied Sera. "I examined the body myself. I can confirm that it was one hundred percent flesh and blood, and the body that Blah retrieved was the same one that we discovered in the first place."

While the two talked, Blah resumed trying to process what went wrong. If it was definitely Pinkie's body, then maybe her memory got erased somehow. Which raised the question of whether or not sprites could lose their memory. He glanced up at Pinkiesprite again, who had not budged an inch since she last spoke.

Blah's thoughts were interrupted by Bob loudly clearing his throat. "Didn't Blah mention something about genetic equipment?" he presented. "If Blah could make himself a new body, just like his original, why not Pinkie?"

Everyone's eyes widened simultaneously. "I think you might just have it..." Blah admitted. He couldn't believe that he hadn't even considered that possibility.

"Exactly!" Bob triumphantly cried. "You really should pay attention to these things, you know!" He smirked, proud that he was able to piece together the details on his own for once.

Blah took a moment to recount the entirety of Pinkie's timeline with this new information. "So Pinkie and Discord went out on the town, at the suggestion of someone disguised as Twilight. They made their way to the garden, where I appeared with the TARDIS. She swiped it while I wasn't looking and took it back to the underworld in the Omega timeline. We did a bunch of stuff and I ended up leaving her with Charge, thinking she belonged in that timeline. Then Charge's goons in this timeline created a clone of her, brought it to Discord's room, and stabbed it under the table, faking her death and framing Discord in order to derail our plans."

He paused to let it all sink in for everyone listening. "What this means is that Charge has control of one of the facilities on Moros, but on the bright side... Pinkie is probably still alive somewhere!"

"Hey, that's great!" Beats celebrated.

Blah's hope had been restored, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that his reunion with the real Pinkie would have to wait a bit longer. As for how much longer, there was no way of knowing just yet. Without the TARDIS, he could not travel back to the Omega timeline himself, so he could only pray that Pinkie might find a way back on her own.

"Blah," warned Sera, "the imps have started their assault."

Landing firmly back into the present time, Blah rushed to the window. He could make out a half-dozen small, blue creatures hammering at the doors and windows of the wooden shack. It was likely that the presence of multiple buildings confused them, and they decided to attack the weakest-looking one. Either that or they saw Waluigi and Edwin inside first.

No sooner than Blah opened the door of his house, hammer in hand, than he saw Waluigi kicking open the door to the wooden shack and sending a sunglass-wearing imp to the ground. A crazed look in his eye, Waluigi threateningly brandished a tennis racket which bore his symbol - an upside-down yellow 'L'.

Seeing the purple-clad man out in the open, the other imps charged at him. Wailing a battle cry, Waluigi swatted away the nearest fox-eared imp with his racket, throwing it skyward, then spun around to kick the mustachioed imp to his left. He twirled faster with his racket held out, batting the other three imps into submission with ease.

_'Has he always been this competent?' _Blah asked himself as Waluigi went berserk and stomped repeatedly on the first downed imp, grinding it into grist. With a shrug, Blah ran after the other imps and dispatched of them quickly with his Pwnhammer. Blah was already far too high on his Echeladder for these starting imps to be a threat.

"You're quite the scrapper," Blah complimented, picking up the handful of dropped build grist and cobalt.

"Wahahah," Waluigi chuckled, "well, _someone_ had to take care of those zombies at night!"

The two of them had little time to talk, however. More imps were already coming up on the horizon, swimming across the ocean. "Ugh," Blah groaned. "We're going to need some kind of town wall at least, or else they'll just keep coming. Waluigi, go tell Sera to build some defenses with my no-doubt ungodly starting reserve of build grist. I'll handle these imps."

"Wah!" Waluigi nodded, heading back for the Demolitionist's house.

Blah stood on the edge of the island, waiting for them to come within range. Despite him being overleveled, the imps seemed determined to try and put a dent in him. One by one, they climbed onto the beach, but none of them lasted more than a second under Blah's mighty hammer.

As Blah picked up the imps' meager grist, he saw the SBURB cursor descend from the sky and begin drawing a square, white wall around the perimeter of Blahtown. At ten feet tall and two feet thick, it was definitely solid. Blah flew up and landed on the wall, looking down. Already, he could see a single imp scratching desperately at it, unable to climb it by a long shot.

Satisfied, Blah jumped down into the town and walked back towards his house. He needed to prepare for his trip to Moros, but as far as he was concerned, he had all the time in the world. He figured he might as well experiment with potential alchemy recipes and set secondary goals.

"Sera, deploy the Punch Designix!" Blah ordered after opening the door. "After that, you can leave me to my own devices and focus on setting up Broshi, so that you can join me in the medium. The chain is almost complete!"

"Understood." The cursor dragged a fourth machine into the room, filling up most of the remaining space. This machine somewhat resembled a piano, with a card slot on the left and a computer keyboard wired to the right. "I will leave Bob in charge of the server if you need anything," Sera announced. "Good luck."

"And to you!" Blah replied as he approached the new device.

Over the next several minutes, Blah went back and forth between machines, working each one as if he had played this game hundreds of times before. He started by retrieving a blank captchalogue card from his backpack, losing one of his inventory slots temporarily, and punched it with its own code: 11111111. He had a lot of punching and combining to do, so he wasn't about to waste all of his cards without gaining the ability to make more. As blank cards required one unit of any variety of grist each to make, Blah practically never had to worry about inventory space again.

Next, he punched the code for his Pwnhammer on a freshly-made card to see how much it was worth. With an idea of how much his current hammer cost, he would know what to expect when upgrading it. Plus, he was curious. Placing a totem carved with the Pwnhammer's code onto the Alchemiter, he checked the computer screen. The Pwnhammer had a grist cost of 500 cobalt, 500 each of two grist types he had not yet encountered, marked with a red question mark, and 1 of another unknown grist. The application told him that he had collected only 47 cobalt so far. "Hmm... upgrading this might have to wait a while," Blah determined.

Waluigi watched Blah's prodecure with dumbfounded awe. "Wah, you can make anything with that?" he questioned.

"Yep," confirmed Blah. "You can also combine two items to make something new. I don't think I'll be able to combine my hammer with anything just yet, though..."

"What about this?" Waluigi placed his tennis racket on the table. "I kinda want something as strong as what you've got..."

"Well, I don't know if we can make anything _that_ strong right now," Blah answered, picking up the racket, "but I don't see the harm in giving you one upgrade. What should we combine with it?"

"Wah." Waluigi set down an unlit Bob-omb.

Blah's admired Waluigi's attitude. "No problem!" he happily obliged, inserting a new card. He punched the racket's code first, then punched the Bob-omb's code onto the same card, combining the two. It was a simple matter of carving the totem and placing it on the Alchemiter. Blah crossed his fingers, hoping whatever it was fell within his current budget.

Much to Blah and Waluigi's surprise, a new racket appeared on the platform with a brief flash of light. Labeled the Aceploder, with a cost of 40 build grist and 45 cobalt, this sleek indigo racket had a larger, rounder head, and on its black strings were two white oval patterns which mimicked the eyes of a Bob-omb.

Excitedly, Waluigi snatched up the Aceploder and sized it up. While it didn't look like the racket itself could explode, it did look the perfect size and shape for launching Bob-ombs long distances, which was the next best thing. "Yeah," he praised, "this'll-"

CRASH! A loud noise from outside caused both of them to jump. Blah rushed outside, followed by Waluigi. They immediately noticed a gaping hole in the wall. Standing amongst the rubble was a blue creature, nearly as tall as the wall itself, with thick arms and two gigantic white tusks protruding from its angry, toothy maw. It sported Mefirst-style sunglasses and a Pinkie-style mane, indicating it was a Skaian underling much like the imps, which piled through the breach.

"Waaaah!" Waluigi screamed, throwing his arms out wide in terror.

"Th-that..." Blah stuttered, equally intimidated, "...would be an ogre."

Working to overcome his initial fear, Blah began to formulate a plan of attack. _'The ogre shouldn't be too difficult for the both of us,' _he thought. Something odd caught his attention, however; some of the imps were focused towards their right rather than on them. Following their glares, Blah spotted Edwin, free of his bonds and accompanied by none other than Rochelle.

"So much for a stealthy getaway..." grumbled Edwin, giving Rochelle an incriminating stare.

"Oh come on, like I have any control over these guys," remarked the cybernetic bear. "I swear, bailing you out is getting more and more frustrating every time."

The sight of yet another of Charge's minions in such a secluded location puzzled Blah. "How did you even..." he began, trailing off as Rochelle pointed casually to the red, flame-patterned rocket pack on her back. Blah looked up at the gates. SBURB really didn't seem all that well-equipped to prevent sequence breaking.

Rochelle tossed Edwin a small, silver briefcase. "Well, it was nice seeing you again," she remarked, powering up the rocket pack, "but I really must be going now."

"You're not just _leaving me here_, are you?" cried Edwin as his partner blasted off.

"Check the briefcase, idiot!" she shouted over the roar of her engines as she headed for the gate.

Blah revved up his tails and took off in pursuit of the bear, but he quickly realized that her rocket pack was much faster at lifting than his unconventional helicopter blades. _'I can't let her get away this time!' _Blah chanted, determined to catch up even though it was clearly futile.

Rochelle, already halfway to the first gate, looked back at the slow fox, flashing a mocking salute and a cocky grin. However, the triumph in her eyes quickly turned to panic as she saw a Bob-omb soaring straight for her.

KABOOM! Waluigi scored a direct hit on the rocket pack, blowing it to pieces and causing its owner to plummet. Blah didn't bother attempting to catch her, but to his astonishment, Edwin leaped into the air and did it himself. On his back was a large pair of white, angelic wings.

"I suppose this makes us even?" Edwin mused, setting her onto her feet.

"Not by a longshot," teased Rochelle. She quickly brushed herself off and once again faced Blah, who landed in preparation. "Okay, if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get. Edwin, would you care to show them what else I brought you?"

"With pleasure!" Edwin opened the briefcase, presenting two more objects: a Soulite crystal, which glowed a sinister shade of purple, and a small metallic model head resembling that of the Eater of Worlds. Giving Blah and Waluigi little time to react, Edwin took to the air again, slamming the crystal to the ground and pressing a switch on the model.

Just as the crystal shattered on the ground, freeing the dark light, the whole island began to rumble. Blasting up through the earth was what appeared to be a massive robotic replica of the Eater of Worlds. It absorbed the light and towered above Blahtown, its many vengeful red eyes menacing down upon the two sole heroes.

Blah stumbled backwards, awestruck. Waluigi nearly fainted. The imps fled. Even the ogre seemed frightened.

"GUESS WHO'S BACK?!" boomed the reincarnated boss. "THAT'S RIGHT, PEONS - THE DESTROYER HAS AWOKEN!"


	57. Spiritual Arrest

**Oh my god I forgot to upload this. I've actually had this written since shortly after the upload of chapter 56, nearly a year ago apparently, but I never actually uploaded it. Whoops. Deeply sorry about that, anyone still following this :'L**

**I suppose I should use this opportunity to update y'all on what's been going on. Remember how I said I was going to touch up some earlier chapters? Well, I ended up getting a little OCD with it. I decided to make some major changes to the narrative. The general progression of plot events is the same, but they happen a bit out of order or different enough that uploading them individually would end up making no sense to anyone stumbling across this story in the middle of it. The "timelines" will definitely merge at the end of chapter 15, though. I have the new version completed through most of chapter 14, so I'm on the home stretch. I will admit that I haven't been firing on all cylinders working on it, but rest assured, progress is being made.**

**Anyway, among the most major of changes is the inclusion of a certain character. You'll probably be able to guess who if you've read up to this point, but it makes a lot more sense for them to be present during those first few chapters, and the conclusion of that character's arc will come as a bit more of a legitimate surprise to newer readers, rather than feeling shoehorned in at the last second to make the idea work. Since the beginning, I've been mostly making things up as I go, but now that I have a good chunk of the story written already, editing things like these into the earlier parts to make the whole thing flow a bit better is totally justified and probably a bit necessary, in my opinion!**

**Now, before I ramble on at length rivaling the text below, enjoy this super overdue chapter!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 57: Spiritual Arrest<p>

Blah had to take a moment to reassess the situation. The Destroyer was a powerful Terraria boss from hardmode, meant to be taken on after the Wall of Flesh. Although his battle with Ipsus's previous incarnation was long ago, he hadn't spent much of his time preparing for this one, mostly because he didn't plan to fight it. Yet, here it was.

"Okay, Waluigi, keep your distance and weaken it with Bob-ombs," Blah instructed, "and I'll rush in and attack the weakened segments with my hammer."

Waluigi nodded nervously. He was even less sure about fighting the Destroyer than Blah was, but he knew just as well that there was nowhere to run. He pulled out a Bob-omb, but by the time he did so, the Destroyer was headed straight for him. Waluigi froze, the pressure getting to him.

Blah, playing the hero, dove at the head of the Destroyer in order to deflect it with his hammer. As he had failed to predict, the force was not nearly enough to counter the inertia of the mechanical worm, nor did it leave any visible dents. Waluigi was forced to jump away. The metal mandible nipped his leg before disappearing underground with the rest of the worm. The ground shook violently, reminding everyone that this was only the first of many attacks.

While the two of them regathered themselves, there was a gunshot, followed by a light spray of dirt inches from Waluigi's grounded head. Edwin was approaching with his new wings, shooting to kill. Blah realized the lethality of the gunfire and stood between the two of them just in time for a bullet to bounce off of his metallic torso.

The ogre, too stupid to realize the worm was coming back, found the courage to charge at the nearest non-underling, Rochelle. The bear was more than ready for this and drew a high-tech assault rifle, shooting a barrage of lasers at it. The lasers burned the ogre, slowing it down.

Blah had bought Waluigi enough time to get back on his feet, but the ground exploded near him, knocking him down again. The Destroyer launched itself out of the hole, narrowly missing both of them. Rather than attempt to smash it again, he hastily turned and helped Waluigi up. Another bullet ricocheted off of Blah's head.

Despite the Destroyer's presence, the ogre's anger prevented it from caring. It had its sights firmly set on Rochelle. She backpedaled, firing another burst of lasers, causing the ogre to nearly trip. A swarm of imps rushed back in, seeing their superior having trouble on its own. Some of the imps had taken on a distinct orange color.

Blah took to the air to pursue Edwin directly. The Destroyer, too close to hit Waluigi, started to burrow back into the ground near him. Waluigi tossed his Bob-omb at the fleeting machine before high-tailing it in a direction far from any of the battle's participants. The explosion was strong enough to knock out a red light from one of its body segments, which separated from the body as a red-eyed, hovering sphere.

"YOU WON'T TEAR ME APART THAT EASILY THIS TIME," Ipsus taunted.

Edwin, seeing Blah approach with his hammer poised, aimed a bullet for one of his eyes. It was a direct hit, but even Metal Tails's eye was tough enough to withstand a bullet with little more than a crack. Blah persisted, slamming the Pwnhammer directly into his chest. Edwin began to spiral toward the ground.

Rochelle made short work of the imps with her laser rifle, leaving a trail of blue and orange grist. The ogre had used this distraction to close the gap and swing its mighty fist, hitting her in the shoulder and sending her flying. She crashed into the side of the Dorkemon Center. This hardly seemed to faze her, however, and she fired another round into the blue behemoth.

The Destroyer burst out of the ground once more, this time directly underneath Blah. Having caught his rival completely unawares, Ipsus seized the robot in his jaws and began to crunch down. Blah slipped out of the worm's grip and fell to the ground. Another Bob-omb soared over his head and hit two of the Destroyer's segments, releasing two more probes.

The three probes grouped together and fired short lasers in Waluigi's direction. He was distant enough that he was able to dodge them rather easily and launch another bomb at them. While the explosion destroyed one of the probes, the other two began to fly closer. Waluigi dashed ahead, spiking one of them into the ground with his racket and lofting the other into the merchant's house before either of them could fire again.

Rochelle finished the ogre off with one final burst, causing an eruption of blue, orange, and teal grist. The remaining imps fled for good, realizing they had no chance. Rochelle immediately set her sights on Blah, who had just crash-landed and was in the process of recovering.

Blah ran a quick diagnostic on the damage he had received so far, and was pleased to hear that only his eye and his shoulder were lightly damaged. As he picked himself up and reached for his hammer, he heard a brief high-pitched beeping noise next to him. A wave of blue sparks and electricity was the last thing he saw before everything went dark and numb. All of Blah's attempts to move any part of his body failed, or at least he had no way of knowing if they worked.

_'That must've been some kind of EMP grenade...' _surmised Blah, as he was only left with his thoughts. _'Crap. Now what?'_

Although unable to see what was happening, Blah was certain that Waluigi would not last long without him, and his robotic body was completely at the mercy of his enemies. He had to figure something out, and fast.

But what could he do? The majority of his internal electronics had been disabled by the shockwave. It would wear off eventually, but until then, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he couldn't do anything.

_'Wait... what about Hajike?'_ Blah knew that Hajike was pure willpower, and was not linked to the physical body. _'Maybe if I concentrate hard enough...'_

As he had done many times before, he reached deep within himself to channel his Fist. He felt the energy flow through him, overtaking the numbness. Instead of dark, there was only light.

_'Fist of the Milky Way,' _he announced to the receding void, _'Solar Power Surge!'_

All of Blah's motor and sensor functions returned to him in an instant. His returned vision informed him that Rochelle had stolen his Sonic Screwdriver and was preparing to disassemble him with it. He leaped to his feet, knocking her away from him and causing her to drop the tool. He had been separated from his hammer, but that didn't stop him from assaulting the cyborg with all six of his limbs in an overcharged frenzy, ending with a roundhouse kick that sent her soaring over the city wall and into the ocean.

He pivoted to see Waluigi panicking in a corner, surrounded by a dozen of the Destroyer's probes. Much of his clothing had been singed by laser fire, and he looked to be in bad shape. The ground rumbled savagely near him.

Blah promptly retrieved his hammer just as the earth gave way for the Destroyer's massive form. It rose in an arc, aiming to plunge onto his cornered ally from high above. Blah kicked off of the ground, boosting up with his tails to meet the worm at the pinnacle of its jump. When he came within range, Blah slammed down on its head with all of his energized might, battering it downward into four of its own probes. Waluigi jumped over the fallen Destroyer and through the created gap to safety.

The remaining probes opened fire, but the lasers were barely effective against his hull. Blah spun around, whacking each probe with his Pwnhammer and shattering them. As the Destroyer recovered itself, Blah took off above it and summoned the last of his energy into a wide, continuous beam exuding from both of his eyes. The beam cut across the length of the worm, detonating most of the probes before they could even be deployed.

Blah landed shakily. A red icon flashed in his head. It seemed that the previous series of maneuvers had drained most of his electrical energy, automatically enabling a power conservation mode. The Destroyer had taken heavy structural damage, but it still managed to shamble into an upright position and dive into the ground.

"WE'LL SEE WHO RUNS OUT OF STEAM FIRST," bellowed Ipsus from below.

Before he could prepare for the boss's resurfacing, Blah felt his arms lock into place. An arm wrenched around his neck. "Guess who," came Edwin's unmistakable, smug voice. Blah struggled against the cowboy's grasp, but he lacked the power to break free. "I must say, that was an amusing display," Edwin complimented sarcastically. "Too bad it wasn't good enough!"

Waluigi took a step towards him, his racket in one hand and a Bob-omb in the other. Edwin laughed. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you want to kill us both, that is."

"Don't worry about me, focus on the Destroyer!" Blah shouted. "We have him on the ropes!"

Waluigi nodded, but when he lifted his head again, it bumped against the business end of a rifle, inciting him to freeze. "Don't move a single muscle," demanded Rochelle. "You're going to watch that bot get chomped to bits." A bead of sweat dripped off of his forehead, and his eyes were locked open wide. He dared not even blink.

Blah glanced at Rochelle, who had been severely bruised and dented from Blah's onslaught, yet still capable of operating a laser rifle and sneaking behind Waluigi, apparently. He had no idea how she recovered that quickly. Becoming more desperate by the second, he weighed his options. Neither he nor Waluigi could go anywhere, and already the ground was rumbling, signifying Ipsus's return. Blah wasn't sure he could pull off another Hajike-infused power surge this soon, and if he manually switched back into full power consumption, he would likely only have enough time to take out one of his foes before blacking out.

The rickety Destroyer emerged once more, its jaw open wide and functional enough to fully devour something Blah's size. Edwin stood firm, waiting until the perfect moment to release Blah and move out of the way. Perhaps that would give him a brief window to act, or at least dodge, but he guessed that would set Rochelle off...

Blah's thoughts were interrupted by a sudden thunderclap coupled with a flash of lightning that pierced the weakest portion of the Destroyer's body and sent jolts of electricity through it. Blah's eyes drifted upward. The skies were clear as could be. His confusion intensified when another lightning bolt struck the same spot, severing that segment in twain. The two halves tumbled down uselessly, revealing a certain brightly-colored pony flying above them. The pegasus wielded a dark gray crossbow composed of what appeared to be storm clouds.

"Hailstorm?!" gasped Blah. Both Edwin and Rochelle were rendered speechless by Hail's surprise appearance.

"You may have bested me again..." emanated Ipsus wearily as his vessel short-circuited and powered down. "...but you can never keep down Ipsus!"

Waluigi took the opportunity to reach behind him and smack his stunned captor on the head with the side of his Aceploder. With a swift, high kick, Waluigi forced the laser rifle out of Rochelle's hands.

The corrupted spirit of Ipsus became exposed. "No matter how many times you defeat me, I will always find a new, stronger form to assume!"

Edwin, losing his composure, had no idea what to do beyond keeping Blah pinned, but a well-placed lightning bolt from Hail changed that, shocking him and tossing him away. Blah dropped to one knee. It was then that he noticed Rochelle's briefcase propped against the side of the wooden shack.

Waluigi kept Rochelle at bay, whacking her constantly with the racket. Hail landed to make sure that Edwin didn't get up. Blah was free to open the briefcase. It had been mostly emptied of its contents, but inside were two perfectly intact Soulite crystals.

"Even if it takes an eternity, I will have my revenge!"

Blah snatched up one of the crystals and ran to the broken Destroyer, just as Ipsus's spirit began to fade. "Your vengeful days are over," Blah consigned as he held up the crystal. The soul-trapping mineral drew Ipsus back into the physical realm, sucking him inside.

"No... you can't... you wouldn't... NOOOOO!" The spirit's final words echoed quieter and quieter as the darkened purple light glowed violently inside the crystal. It pulsed gradually slower until it stopped entirely.

"Not so strong now, are you?" jeered Blah, holding up the purple-cored Soulite. "And as for you two..." He turned towards the heavily injured Rochelle and Edwin, both of whom had scrambled backwards and were now cornered by Waluigi and Hailstorm.

"Okay, time for plan C," said Rochelle, removing a metal panel from one of her arms. Underneath was a reflective surface. "Edwin, squeeze in, will you?" Somewhat confused, but just as desperate, the cowboy did so, glancing down at his own reflection.

"...is that a mirror?" asked Hail, lowering his weapon for a moment.

Blah was also unsure what the two could possibly be planning, but when colorful sparks began to wash over them, Blah gasped in realization. "Hail, they're teleporting!" Blah shouted. "Shoot them!"

Hail hastily raised his crossbow and fired a shot at the mass of glowy magic. The bolt cut through the sparks and struck the wall, but when all of the light faded, the bear and the human were nowhere to be seen.

"A Magic Mirror..." Blah facepalmed. "What puzzles me is, if she had that the whole time, why didn't she just use that in the first place...?"

Hail sighed. "Well, we got one of them at least, this time for good. Probably."

"I gotta say, Hail," Blah gratefully approached his client player, "you sure couldn't have picked a better time to show up. If it wasn't for you, both of us would be worm food. So, thanks for saving my bacon... again."

"Yeah, it's really just a formality at this point," answered Hail modestly, scratching his mane. "Good thing Bob was paying attention to his computer screen. He told me you were in trouble, so I came as soon as I could. I had just finished alchemizing this thing, too."

He set his cloudy crossbow onto the ground in front of him. On closer inspection, it had a slight tint of indigo to it and pulsated subtly, yet menacingly. "Shadowbolt, it's called," Hail proudly introduced. "Turns out, a Demonite Crossbow goes really well with a puff of storm cloud. It was Bellia's idea." Blah looked upon the pegasus's new weapon in awe. "Of course, I had to kill an ogre and a whole army of imps just to get the grist for it..."

Blah couldn't help but feel a bit jealous, even though his weapon was probably the strongest among all of the weapons owned by his co-players. Or so he believed. "It's really awesome, for sure," Blah acknowledged. "But anyway, how'd you like to come with me to Moros and help with retaking that genetic facility?"

Hailstorm raised an eyebrow. "Say what?"

Blah looked back at him blankly. "You didn't hear what we were talking about over Pesterchum earlier?"

"I was busy," Hail reminded him.

"And my dad didn't tell you later?"

The pegasus's mouth flattened with minor impatience. "I was busy."

Taking the hint, Blah recapped what he had decided would be his next course of action, as well as what he discovered about Pinkie Pie.

Hail's eyes grew wide. "So she _is_ still alive... I really shouldn't be surprised," said Hail.

"Tell me about it. But if Charge can pull tricks like that, there's no telling what he might get away with if we don't take that power away from him."

Hail nodded. "Right. I'll go with you, then." He glanced quizically up at the gates above Blahtown. "So, uh, which one do we take?"

Blah stared at the gates for a few moments in thought. "I believe Dad said that the sixth gate will take us straight to Moros. It should be the one second from the top."

The pony squinted. Neither of them could see anything past the third gate, and even that looked like a long flight. "How high do you even have to _be_?"

It took all of Blah's willpower not to burst out into laughter at Hail's accidental reference. "Pretty... pretty high," he said. "I hope you have an in-flight movie ready." Blah bent over to start his engines, looking to waste no further time. However, nothing happened. The battery icon blinked aggressively in the corner of his visual input. "...but first, I need to recharge."

Hail cocked his head to one side. "And how do you do that, exactly?"

"Well, I-" he cut off, remembering that the only charger of electronics he had was that cheap hand-crank he made himself. If a laptop took hours to charge with that thing, then a robot would probably take years. He wished that was an exaggeration, but he figured he was actually pretty close. He needed a much more efficient source of free energy before his internal batteries ran out completely.

"Hey, what about that solar thing you did before?" Waluigi suggested casually.

"Solar Power Surge?" recalled Blah. "No, that was a power surge that happened to be related to the sun. Not a surge of solar power. Fist technique names can be confusing like that. This robot doesn't actually have any solar panels..."

"Can't you just get some solar panels and combine them with your generator?" Hail tried, squinting at the orb of light in the sky that resembled the sun, but clearly wasn't. "If whatever that thing is could still power it."

Blah slapped his forehead. "Of course... Astra probably has some sort of solar panel among all that junk... also, I'm pretty sure that's Skaia. I _think_ it counts as solar energy, anyway." He looked down at all of the grist that the defeated ogre and imps dropped. Lots of cobalt, as well as a few cube-shaped orange grists and a single pile of a hexagonal teal variety, not to mention several units of build grist. This was exactly the sort of treasure trove that would have excited Blah, if he wasn't threatened with blacking out. "Hopefully this generator only uses grists found on my land or I might be screwed."

Retrieving all of the grist, Blah darted back inside his house and woke his computer up from sleep mode. He immediately pestered Astra.

DM: hey astra can I ask a favor real quick, it's kind of urgent  
>SP: Yes?...<br>DM: do you have a solar panel of any kind?  
>DM: if so, I need the code<br>SP: I probably do, one moment...  
>SP: !FaXvhiG...<br>DM: are the dots part of the code?  
>SP: You of all people should know that they aren't...<p>

Blah had himself a quick giggle at his own meager attempt at humor. Hailstorm rolled his eyes.

DM: heh, I'm just kidding around  
>DM: the thing about your posts is that it looks like you're down in the dumps all the time<br>DM: I'm just trying to lighten the mood a bit, you know?  
>DM: but anyway, thanks a bundle!<br>SP: Mhm...

He stared at the screen for a moment before turning to Hail. "Do you think she's all right? I honestly can't tell with that girl. She's like a brick wall of stoicism."

Hail sighed. "I think she's been doing much better ever since she learned who her real parents are. But that was literally half a day ago. Hiding her emotions is just what she does, but even people like her can change - it just takes time."

Blah placed his head in his hands exhaustively. "Sure feels like a lot more than half a day..."

"Anyway, are you going to make that solar generator or not?" Hail asked impatiently. "It's good that you're showing some concern for others, but you can't forget about yourself, either."

Blah snapped to attention. "Right, right..." He captchalogued his generator and grabbed a blank card, punching both codes onto it and proceeding through the routine. The appropriately-named "Solar Generator" had a cost of 75 build, 100 cobalt, and 25 of the new, orange grist, which the computer identified as palladium. The loot from the ogre alone put him well over that mark. Blah also learned that the teal grist was apparently mythril.

"Hah," Blah laughed. "Cobalt, palladium, mythril... these are hardmode Terraria ores. I bet I'll be able to find orichalcum, adamantite, and titanium on my land as well... SBURB, you clever game, you." In the interest of satisfying the unamused Hail, he picked up his new generator and walked outside with it. Finding the slot on his back, he plugged the wire into himself and held up the solar panel. The battery icon changed into one with a plug.

"Ok, I think it's working!" he exclaimed. "Still a bit slow, but at least it's automatic. I might need to catch a ride while that's happening."

"As long as you're lighter now than you were as a human," Hail begrudgingly accepted, suddenly having flashbacks to the corruption.

"Only one way to find out!" concluded Blah as he hopped onto the pegasus's back. Hail grunted under the sudden strain, but to his relief, the robot was actually significantly lighter. Perhaps it helped that Metal Tails had been built for maximum flight efficiency in the first place. "Oh, and I'll be going into sleep mode so I can charge faster. I'll automatically wake up if I hear my full name. Or you could just shake me violently, that works too."

Hail chuckled slightly to himself, fantasizing the second option. "I'll keep that in mind," he noted, spreading his wings and beginning his long trip skyward.


	58. An announcement

**Greetings, loyal fans and newcomers alike! No new chapter today, but I have some great news: the revamp of the first few chapters is finally complete and uploaded!**

**Chapters 6-15 were affected, and some slight changes were made to chapter 35 to accomodate them. There might be a few details that I overlooked that don't quite line up, but after checking and triple checking, I'm fairly sure the story is serviceable again. This update has been so long in the making, I figured I should just cut any losses I might potentially have and upload them already. I'll get to the other chapters later, as I see fit.**

**Chapter 58 is on the way. This announcement will be replaced by the finished chapter when it's... er, finished, so until then, perhaps you'd like to re-read the beginning 15 chapters? I put so much effort into them, it's like a whole new story.**

**Also, if you haven't done so already, please consider dropping a review with your thoughts on this epic tale so far. Do you like it? If so, what do you like most about it? Are there any parts that didn't settle as well with you, or that you think I could improve on? As an author, I need reader feedback in order to survive, to develop, and to motivate. I took the time to write this massive thing, surely you could write a paragraph or two in response :P**

**And with that, I'll see you when there's another update! Hopefully it should be soon!**


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